


another fistful of omake

by nimodes



Category: Naruto
Genre: Multi, Multiple Crossovers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-14
Updated: 2016-03-12
Packaged: 2018-02-08 19:04:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 254,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1952601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nimodes/pseuds/nimodes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A set of story concepts, ideas, and beginnings that were written up for amusement.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Another Fistful Of Omake**

by Greylle

DISCLAIMER: Original series belong to someone else.  
NOTE: The following are just ideas that are not currently being pursued. Anyone wanting to use or continue them are welcome to, just credit me for the initial twist OK?

* * *

 _Twelve years previously:_  
"I AM THE POWER!" said the gigantic figure of Madara Uchiha. "ALL WHO LIVE SHALL BOW AND WORSHIP ME!"

"Are you ready, human?" asked the golden fox, her nine tails lashing behind her.

"Ready," said the Fourth Hokage, drawing his chakra up to a visible glow.

"Ready," said an unexpected voice.

"Kushina?! You just gave birth!" said Minato, who might have been the Hokage responsible for everyone's lives, but was also a husband and father.

"Women in Rice Country do it and go back to planting an hour later," said Kushina Uzumaki, drawing her twin sabers. "You'll need me in this!"

"But -" began Minato.

"He comes!" warned the Ninetails, expanding to huge size in order to fight the oncoming giant.

The fight, as it occurred, was in full sight of the assembled Konohagakure ninja. Even the civilians saw the battle occur, though without the details of being up-close to the fighting.

The Hokage, his wife, and the fox-kami known as Inari fought the thirty-foot high being known as Madara.

At first, the battle was in the favor of the defending forces trying to keep the giant away from their village.

Madara apparently realized that and did something. When he spoke, his voice echoed across the city. "Fools! I have achieved immortality. I will BE a god and rule over all, it is my destiny. Uchiha Clan! I call upon you, and the power of your eyes. By the ties of blood and your loyalty to me, by the hatred burning in your hearts, I CLAIM YOU!"

Minato, Inari, and Kushina were not alone in pausing and glancing backwards towards the village on hearing what seemed like a thousand voices raised in screaming.

Streamers of light shot forth, mostly from the Uchiha sector, swarming into Madara's outstretched arms as he doubled in size.

Kakashi went to one knee, clutching at his Sharingan eye.

Itachi screamed in pain as he covered his baby brother.

"Now," thundered the voice of Madara Uchiha, "it is time for the Senju Clan and its philosophies to perish from this land."

"Foolish mortal," said Inari, increasing her size with Minato and his wife standing atop her head. "The powers of the gods are not so easily wielded, nor their position usurped. I am Inari, and you shall not pass!"

* * *

"You saw the events of yesterday, many of you have questions," said the Third Hokage. "I will answer as best I can."

"The Fourth and that woman?" asked Nara.

"The Fourth and his wife," said the Third. "They are, unfortunately, dead. They managed to stop Madara alongside Inari."

"Inari? Was that truly -" the jonin named Kakashi made a vague gesture.

"You saw her," said Hiashi. "I used the Byakugan as well. That was no genjutsu."

"I hit my limit early on in the battle," admitted Kakashi.

"The god Inari, the fox-deity, was badly injured in the battle," said the Third. "In order to have the time to heal, she was sealed inside the child of the Fourth."

THAT went off like a bomb, startling everyone to stillness.

"The child of the Fourth Hokage?" asked Tsume Inuzuka.

"This should all be kept as secret as possible," said the Third Hokage. "If it gets out, then there may be so many assassins sent after the child that even all our ANBU will not be sufficient to protect him."

"I see," said Hiashi. "Not only because we have the goddess on our side. Some will see the child only as a weapon. Some will only see the child of the Fourth, who has made many enemies during the War and even before that. Some will try to kidnap the child to make their own weapon."

"There are many problems currently that must gain our attention," said the Third. "My own reassumption of the Hokage post will be contested by some on the Council. The Uchiha Clan is down to those few able to resist Madara's claim - Itachi Uchiha, Sasuke Uchiha, and Mikoto Uchiha. Even though Madara never got past the outer walls, rebuilding from the damage done just by his approach will take time. As will training new ninja to rebuild our numbers from the losses of the attack."

The Third Hokage frowned. "Before she was sealed, there was one suggestion that Inari gave while I witnessed. When things are slightly more settled, she desired that we open a program for those ninja who had lost their villages or gone missing-nin due to persecution within their own lands. A program whereby they could find a home here."

"Inari being the protector of warriors, that is understandable, but could such people be trusted?" pointed out Hiashi. "Having gone missing-nin once, what is to keep them from doing so again? Or even simply having donned missing-nin status as a ploy to infiltrate our village?"

"I simply ask each of you to think on the matter, and to prepare your ideas," said the Third. "Getting such a thing through the Council would be a major battle in itself, and will take some time to accomplish."

* * *

_Six years before 'today'_ :

Akuru held up his hand, making the quick series of hand signals to the rest of the 'ambassadors' from Cloud.

They moved out from the Hyuuga compound, their prize struggling in the blanket wrapped around her.

"You guys not going nowhere," said a young boy's voice as an alarm gong began ringing behind them.

Akuru used his spare hand to throw a handful of kunai towards the child's voice. They didn't have time for interruptions.

"Kawarimi no jutsu, step two!" called out the boy's voice.

"Eh?" asked Akuru out loud as the weight under one arm abruptly changed. When he glanced and discovered a takeout box from some restaurant named "Ichiraku" - he simply dropped it and looked around for the target.

A glimpse of yellow and he was off, chasing a boy about the same age as their target through the village. The boy was unexpectedly fast and agile for that age though, and also made use of small gaps in fences and hedges to good use.

Akuru made another set of hand signs, indicating his allies should attempt to flank as he readied more kunai, this set with wires.

Another flash of blonde and the boy was heading for a particular house Akuru could see an open window and immediately used his kunai to block the boy off of it. Despite himself, he felt a little impressed. At apparently four years of age, the boy should be clumsy and not nearly so fast. There were adult genin Akuru knew of who wouldn't have led him on such a chase.

The boy changed direction abruptly, but made his first big mistake in not allowing for the mass of his burden - especially as the blanket came away to reveal the tied-up and gagged little girl.

Akuru threw more kunai, this time with chakra threads trailing them. He'd capture the boy AND the girl. Any child with this much promise should either enrich his own village or be simply killed to deny Konohagakure that skill.

The boy put the girl down after the first kunai cut into his arm. That was expected. What Akuru did NOT expect was for the boy to shimmer and change. It looked different from a henge jutsu though.

The woman that stood up was wearing odd clothes that looked like something a priestess would wear to a ceremony. Blonde hair in two long pigtails, framing a face with startlingly blue eyes. The woman also had four ears, two triangular ones above her temples, and two human-looking ones in the usual spots. Behind her, a golden fox's tail waved.

The woman drew two curved shortswords in a swift motion that bespoke considerable amounts of training.

Eyes twinkling with amusement, the woman smiled. "Shall we dance?"

Akuru made a quick gesture and the flankers leapt forward, against the four of them this woman/child would quickly be cut down and their mission could continue.

The twin swords moved so swiftly that they were briefly only visible as silver tracery in the moonlight.

His men went down with sprays of blood trailing them, indicating that if this was an illusion - that there was certainly something underneath it.

The image of the fox-woman staggered suddenly despite no blow being struck against her, faded, and became the boy again.

Well, if he couldn't capture the girl easily, there really was only one out. Akuru was quite aware of the bay of hounds nearby from one direction, the rustling of leaves and flashes of cloak from another, and the noise of the Hyuga compound settling down from alarm to more quiet yet frantic activity. The next spray of kunai he sent had explosive tags and was followed quickly by a poison gas grenade.

The boy was gathering up the girl again and running off. He bore injuries this time as he exited the cloud, and was slowing, so he should be an easy target.

Akuru moved forward, only to realize a moment later that Konoha's ANBU had indeed arrived.

When the Hyuuga clan found the scene, they found the ambassador on the ground. Two of his men were dead, two more had serious injuries.

They later received a messenger from the Inuzuka compound that their missing girl was there along with her rescuer.

* * *

_Four years before 'today':_

Hiashi wasn't too sure about this. Not that he would ever let uncertainty show. As clan head of a prestigious clan, he had to be stoic and implacable.

His little girl wearing a miko costume, except for the little headband with the foxears and a clip-on fox tail, was the part challenging his 'stoic and implacable' manner.

His was not the only home with a little Inari shrine. When the fox-deity's involvement had begun circulating, there were many who put up a little shrine to honor the deity and her involvement. Some had tiny effigies of the Fourth and his wife as well, though those were uncommon and generally thought of as being in poor taste.

Nor was his home the only one where people tended to just nod at the boy showing up, instead of eyeing the boy and keeping him at a distance. As if not sure what the boy was and whether they should chase him off or not. Where the boy was welcome, he tended to show up more often. Where he showed up frequently and there was an Inari shrine, things  happened.

The boy showed up when one of the Inuzuka dogs was expecting a litter, and visited to just sit there and watch. That dog tolerated the odd boy through her pregnancy, and when she delivered - everyone agreed that the litter was exceptionally strong and healthy seeming. Or when the Nara had one of their deer get sick and the boy just somehow wandered in, and the deer got better quickly. Or when the boy had turned up napping atop one of the wooden barrels used for the preparation of a local beer, and when that barrel was tapped - it proved to have a special kick to it.

Some looked at events like that and muttered darkly about black sorcery. Some looked at events like those and claimed the boy was a lucky mascot. Some knew the truth and came to their own conclusion.

A flash of orange-red and Hiashi looked out of the corner of his eye to see the 'Foxkeh' form of Naruto, that uber-kawaii not-quite-a-fox form with the big blue eyes, watching Hinata from a roof.

Which brought him back to what was making him uncomfortable. Hinata quite obviously liked the little boy who contained the fox-deity. Though perhaps 'liked' was the wrong word.

What to do?

* * *

The various other Hidden Villages knew what was going on. They each had a Tailed Beast or Demon sealed away within one of their members.

Konohagakure had Inari.

There was much resentment of this, covered with disdain publically. After all, THEY had proper weapons of destruction who could wreak havoc upon their enemies! Not like Konoha with its damn tree-huggers and nicey-nice ninja and such. Konoha had some weak little fox deity, how lame and un-ninja was THAT?

Which led to the occasional "Let's show those namby-pamby weak play-ninja what REAL ninja can do" raids.

Some of the raids ended up side-tracked into one of the taverns nearby where the _Tokubetsu Junmai-shu_ sake was cheaper than almost anywhere outside the Fire Country. Those tended to end up with the ninja involved having many drinks, even trying some of the _Junmai Daiginjo-shu_ and ended up going back home with tales of how they'd kicked butt - and man those Leaf ninja-brewmasters knew their stuff.

A few of the ninja who'd attack Konohagakure or try to steal the secrets would have something truly worrisome occur to them. They went down to kill the Abomination or sow destruction, and ended up abandoning their old village. Well, it was really worrisome to those who'd sent those ninja down there at least.

Some actually DID attack the village. Which caused occasional problems which COULD be attributed to the presence of a certain fox sealed inside a certain boy.

Sometimes, things could get a little weird.

* * *

The door to the shrine banged open.

"HEY! ANYONE HERE?" yelled a woman who was carrying another woman.

"Yes," said a nine-year-old girl with pale eyes in miko robes. "Are you here for prayer?"

"NO!" said the woman in trenchcoat and ninja-mesh. "My friend here's been badly wounded. Poisoned."

"Then wouldn't the Hospital have been a better choice?" asked the shrine maiden.

"They said they can't do anything for her," said the woman. "So what is your god going to do about it?"

"I'm sorry for your friend," said the girl, "but I can't..."

"I'll pay any price, you have the word of Anko Mitarashi!" said the kunoichi. "Kurenai. You promise too."

"Whatever you say," mumbled the woman. "Just stop yelling."

"Anything?" came a voice that didn't belong to the shrine priestess.

"Sure," said Anko, looking around. "Anything. Short of betraying the village or something..."

"DONE," said the voice.

Kurenai Yuhi cried out as something seemed to burn through her then died down.

"That took quite a lot out of me," said the voice, now sounding inordinately tired. "Welcome to Clan Uzumaki."

"What?" asked Anko.

"What did you get me into, Anko?" asked Kurenai as she more fully came to.

"Uhm," said Anko.

Kurenai sniffed. "How much were you drinking before you made this deal?"

"Errr," said Anko.

The little girl with the white eyes smiled brightly at the two chunin. "Naruto-kun has some big sisters now? That's so neat."

"Uhm, well, at least it worked," pointed out Anko.

* * *

Sarutobi Hiruzen looked very serious. Actually he was quite amused, but he'd gotten pretty good at looking fairly serious while all this was going on.

"-and so you see, this is completely wrong and you should have the kid just drop the matter," said Anko.

A chunin came in with a pile of paperwork, took a look at the two women in maid outfits (Kurenai's looking fairly functional and Anko's - not so much) and promptly tripped over his feet and crashed to the floor.

"No, I don't think so," said the Third Hokage. For one thing this was way too amusing.

"Uhm, excuse me?" asked Anko, hoping she hadn't heard that.

"Did you know that gods have rules, laws that they must obey?" asked the Third Hokage.

"Uhm, no," said Anko, thinking this didn't sound good.

"Equivelant Exchange," said the Hokage. "That's where the whole thing about making offerings to the gods came from. In order for them to be able to grant you anything, there has to be a price."

Kurenai's head drooped just a bit. "So, we're stuck with this?"

"I found the paperwork this morning," said the Hokage. "You two are accepted as chunin within the village, free to go on to ninja missions and the like, but you are also retainers of Clan Uzumaki."

"But... he's EIGHT," said Anko.

"So?" asked Hiruzen.

"Well, he can't have much room," tried Anko.

"A mansion," said Hiruzen.

"Right so he can't... excuse me?" asked Anko.

"He won it in a night of poker," said Hiruzen, shaking his head. "Now THAT was a night I remember well."

"Naruto Uzumaki has a mansion?" asked Anko.

"Yes," said Hiruzen Sarutobi.

"Well, that's not so bad," said Anko, "living in a mansion."

"CLEANING a mansion," said Kurenai, considerably less thrilled with the idea.

"Well, he's EIGHT, so he can't require anything of you, so you shouldn't be that upset," said Anko.

"Oh?" asked the Hokage, having an idea what Anko was referring to and what Kurenai Yuhi was clearly worried about. Just the maid uniform Anko was wearing was suggestion for THAT. "You might have to deal with the others if it came to that."

Kurenai and Anko both stiffened at that.

"Others?" finally asked Kurenai.

"You think you're the only ones who went drunk into Inari's shrine and tried asking for something?" asked the Hokage. "I understand that little incidental things like praying for painless childbirth is only a matter of a few sticks of incense. Some people want more and promise more."

"So I gather," said Kurenai drily.

"So, there are other maids?" asked Anko.

Hiruzen Sarutobi glanced at the two worried ninja-maids, at the chunin on the floor gathering paperwork that had just passed out with a nosebleed when he'd glanced up at Anko, and remembered other incidents like that poker game that a few clan heads and business people had gotten together with the idea of inviting a little kid into. That said child could make all sorts of promises and bets that could have been advantageous to them later. That on that now infamous night the sake had seemed especially potent and bets had been made and Naruto had lost a few times but had ended up with a winning streak that had made grown men cry. Literally.

On the other hand, many orphans often wanted to have families of their very own and Clan Uzumaki had caused a couple members of the Council to go seeking ulcer medication on a regular basis.

The Third Hokage blinked, returning to Anko's question to properly answer it.

* * *

_Age eleven:_

There was game night, something that many families had as an internal tradition. Many ninja and civilians even had a Poker Night, it being a game that had less popularity in the Land Of Fire than elsewhere but still had a fair number of players.

There was, however, only one night that was becoming famous as The Insane Poker Night.

It had been a time when several people had decided that a little child was an easy mark, who would then owe a few people favors they could cash in later. It had been a time when the sake had flowed, though the child had drank milk, and for some reason that had only been obvious in retrospect to the participants - that sake had seemed to have a more potent kick than usual.

It was a time when bets had been made, when people who really should have known better had completely failed to consider who and what they were betting against. A night where the usual restraints had fallen away and... things had occurred.

Yugito Nii, for example, had once been a ninja of a different land entirely. She had come to Konohagakure to assassinate a child. She'd ended up not only becoming a ninja of the Leaf Village but a retainer of Clan Uzumaki that night, though she hadn't intended to even take part in that poker game.

Clan Uzumaki had a mansion. It was a nice place, most visitors would freely admit. There were workshops and a foundry, there was artwork and tapestries, there was a nice garden and other amenities. There was even one of those little bamboo things in the backyard that went 'tonk' every so often. (Naruto could never remember that it was called a shishi-odoshi.)

There was a shrine, but that was closer to the Hyuga compound. There was a training ground, but that was on the Uchiha property.

There were kunai and shuriken, swords and polearms, bows and daggers, exotic weapons of various types. None of that was why young men of the Academy seemed to find excuses to wander past the mansion.

No - that would be the maids.

Some idea that Naruto's Uncle Jiraiya had once come up with, and had been embraced by many people including the Sandaime, was the idea of a special academy for warrior-maids. Not for ninja, per se. Ninja were loyal to a particular village and elite special operatives. A warrior-maid on the other hand, worked for an employer and was an elite employee. Since Naruto already had a mansion, a training ground, and a supply of maids...

This was only the second year of the Konoha Maid Academy, but it was showing signs of becoming incredibly successful. Many aristocrats of various countries had expressed great interest in the idea of an attractive maid who could tend to the gardens and household duties - and then grab a naginata or improvised weapon and delay assassins long enough for said employer to escape.

Not that a warrior-maid would be a match for a ninja or ninja team. Common bandits or the like? Another story altogether.

All of which contributed to the traffic outside the Uzumaki Mansion, as young men craned their necks around to catch a glimpse of maids in their uniforms doing various things such as trimming bonsai or practicing with their naginata or polishing the brass.

Not all was well within Konoha though.

* * *

Danzo looked very unhappy. This was perfectly normal, as there were a vast number of things that would produce that condition. He was a patriot who believed in a strong village able to defend itself. Unfortunately his attitude was that he WAS the village and that anything that benefitted him personally benefitted the village.

The Hokage had disbanded ROOT, because quite frankly ROOT was a bunch of ninja who were loyal to a single individual in the village who was NOT part of the official Chain of Command. That they had a history of causing more harm than good was beside the point. Mostly. So ROOT had gone underground, even more so than they had been.

Danzo Shimura WAS unhappy, and even if he kept his emotions from showing on the surface - they ran hot and fiery through his veins. He sought to make Konohagakure the ruling force of the shinobi world, usually by weakening the other lands through assassination and causing numerous problems to strike those nations.

The reason for Danzo's unhappiness was simple. Konoha had become complacent. With the fox-god in place, and NOT under his control, Konoha had become prosperous. The ninja village was doing quite well, and there were now five OTHER towns and villages (10 years ago there had been ONE) within a day's walk of the ninja village.

"SIR!" said a ROOT member who wore a mask resembling a badger. "An assault team from Mist has just gotten sidetracked into the Village Of Brewmasters!"

"And?" prompted Danzo.

"We've gone through their things and copied all their paperwork while they're inebriated past the point of voluntary motion," said Badger. "Here they are."

Danzo took the papers and frowned slightly more as he scanned through them. Typical rubbish. Except this. "They have guard schedules for the West Wall?"

"Yes, Danzo-sama," said Badger. "Your orders?"

"What was the impression of the squad leader?" asked Danzo.

"They are going to attempt to strike at the fox's shrine. Chance of their success, none."

"Danzo-sama!" said another arriving ROOT member, this one wearing a Doreamon mask.

Danzo shuddered. There was one in every group, wasn't there?

"A team of kunoichi from Rock and another team of kunoichi from Cloud were trying to infiltrate our village, met each other, and are now engaged in a major battle in the mud pits near Brewmaster Village!"

Many members of ROOT appeared out of the shadows.

Danzo blinked a couple of times, ran his tongue over dry lips as he considered that. "You have pictures?"

Danzo took the stack of photographs. "Terrible. How unbecoming of trained shinobi. How... uhm, yes. Moving on. What is it about mud pits and young kunoichi that when they get into fights one of the first things they do is try to rip each other's clothing off? Disgraceful, that's what it is. Hmmm."

"Do you have copies?" asked Badger of Doreamon.

Doreamon handed off a second set of prints from within his robes, which quickly started circulating through the ROOT.

Danzo shook his head as he examined one photograph, frowning ever so slightly. This was indeed disgraceful. What WAS the ninja world coming to?

* * *

* * *

 ** _AUTHOR'S NOTES:_** The idea of a poker night and a won mansion comes from http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3480341/1/The_Night_The_House_of_Cards_Was_Built. It just fit into the story entirely too well.

 


	2. 2: Michief Legacy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the idea of magic use (Jutsu) affecting bloodlines has been around for awhile. What if the Flying Thunder God technique left enough trace that something could bring that out?

**Another Fistful Of Omake**

by Greylle

DISCLAIMER: Original series belong to someone else.  
NOTE: The following are just ideas that are not currently being pursued. Anyone wanting to use or continue them are welcome to, just credit me for the initial twist OK?

chapter two: mischief legacy

* * *

He was a being that had been born before the current universe had come to pass. In the beginning, he was Chaos. Without a true physical form, without gender or a specific identity, he had watched as a bubble of 4D space had formed and exploded outward in a big bang.

He was known by many names, one of which was Toltiir.

As time went on he had taken many forms, some male or female or shemale or itmale or whatever. Physical form and gender was something he toyed with but 4D existence was something he did not really understand all that well. In that time he learned that pure Chaos had few adherents, and its application tended to interfere with the inherent order needed for life to exist. So Toltiir changed his nature, and embraced Mischief. Which was a sort of constrained Chaos.

4D Life was too entertaining to avoid.

When other gods stepped out of the Chaos, he was shunned by many. Too weird and too powerful, they judged him these other sentients. So his essence formed its first fragments, becoming Raven and Coyote and others through the eons.

In his D52 Branespace multiverse he observed and some nexii of chaos attracted his attention. Individuals whose existence either inspired or caused entire *-Verses to spin off for at least a brief time.

Toltiir pondered this for an eon-moment. As Puck or Robin Goodfellow he'd followed a king, or at least an essence-fragment had. Why not put a bit of him IN one of those nexii? Wouldn't THAT be a great joke on the universe? Now, who to stick with it?

The D52 Entity (who occasionally manifested in 4D space as a little black cat) turned his full (or nearly full) attention on a particular world (causing just about all sentients on that world to have a panic attack for no reason that they could perceive) and one single individual in particular.

Oh yes. This would be funny.

* * *

The Fourth Hokage KNEW something had gone wrong. His life had been the price to seal the kyuubi, that part wasn't wrong. He could feel his life fading out as he'd expected.

Except that something had slammed down out of the heavens as he'd finished the ritual and come down on a VERY startled demon-fox. The odd bulge-eyed appearance of a flattened demon-fox had been strangely comical before the whole thing vanished.

He hadn't expected a voice to apologize for the inconvenience.

Nor was the seal what he had expected. Surrounding the belly of the child Naruto was a set of sigils. Instead there were TWO markings. One was a teeny-tiny one which was smaller than he'd expected and had the marking he'd thought would appear signalling the caged demon-fox. The other was an elaborate tangle that somehow reminded the Fourth of a "smiley face" and seemed to wink at him briefly.

* * *

"NARUTO!" yelled Iruka-sensei, chasing the small boy.

"It's not my fault!" said Naruto. "I did what you asked!"

"What'd he do THIS time?" asked one of the village elders, looking as if he was having a pain in his abdomen.

"He cleaned the school of all the graffiti," said another elder as he walked up. "Unfortunately, somehow during that time that Uchiha boy had hundreds of girl's panties fall out of his bookbag."

"Sasuke Uchiha? Boy doesn't seem the type," said the first elder.

"No, not to mention hundreds of panties shouldn't have FIT into the boy's schoolbag," said the second elder, seating himself by the first.

"NA-RU-TO! I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS!" yelled Sasuke as he ran by.

"SASUKE YOU PERVERT!" yelled a number of women as they chased the little boy.

"I remember when this was a QUIET ninja village," lamented the first elder.

* * *

"I'll become Hokage one day!" said little Naruto, standing atop the swing set. "Then they'll all have to acknowledge me!"

"Yes," said a bushy-browed kid below him. "And someday I'll be a splendid ninja!"

"..." mumbled Hinata Hyuga as she mostly hid and watched Naruto from the sidelines.

"Someday I'll be Sasuke's wife!" declared Sakura.

"Someday I'll... HEY!" said Yamanaka Ino before leaping on Sakura and commencing cheek-pulling and other traditional forms of protest.

"Someday I'll be a dark and brooding vengeance-haunted character that will kill my brother!" said Sasuke, trying to look cool.

"Someday I'll get a vacation," prayed Iruka-sensei.

* * *

Naruto had been the class clown for so long that thinking of him as the container for the Demon Fox had been difficult.

Especially when some of his pranks had proven to be rather... bizarre. A less imaginative Naruto might have painted odd slogans on the carved faces of the previous Hokage that dominated the village. Oh no, not Naruto - nothing THAT simple. Putting together a mortar-mud mix that he could use to reshape the faces and THEN painting them?

On the other hand, when it was done - everyone agreed that it WAS a very good likeness of Naruto there at the end and it WAS a very nice gesture of his to put Sasuke's likeness on the far end.

Not that Sasuke Uchiha appreciated it as he felt that it was fairly unflattering. Especially with the pair of panties on his image's head.

* * *

Iruka-sensei got his wish, oddly enough. He took a week vacation to a tropical island, met some VERY friendly native girls, and would still get a wistful-distant expression on his face from time to time.

"There goes Sasuke's Uncle again," said one of the old men who hung around the front of the Ninja's Best Burger (motto:so good, you'll make it disappear) having one of their French Vanilla Latte Double Espresso drinks.

"Funny, I don't even remember a Fukayu Genma of the Uchiha family," said the second old man.

"Well, good ninja. Vanishes without a trace, reappears out of nowhere, doesn't leave so much as a footprint behind," said the first - whose name was Statler.

His companion, Waldorf, nodded. "Not disputing his ninja skills. I thought the Uchiha clan was massacreed, except this Genma fellow turns up from some side-branch that nobody wanted to talk about."

"WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!" echoed off the mountains and forest.

"Sounds like Sasuke," noted Waldorf. "Wonder what THAT was about."

"I remember when this was a quiet hidden ninja village," said Statler sadly.

* * *

The large man removed his fingers from his ears. He glanced around at the gathering crowd and smiled briefly before turning serious again. "Oh come on. You're the last of the main branch of the Uchiha clan. It's YOUR duty to replenish the clan."

"ENGAGED?!" asked Sasuke Uchiha, age twelve.

"Your brother Itachi wanted the clan killed off, right? What better revenge against him than if you repopulated it?" asked Genma, taking a box of Pocky out of his sleeve and flipping it through the air so that one fell out to be caught between his teeth while the rest just disappeared into his other sleeve.

"How about hunting him down and killing him?" asked Sasuke, sounding weak.

"No, that'll never do," said Genma, waggling his Pocky stick out of the corner of his mouth. "That'll just turn you into an anal vengeance-obsessed martial artist type. Terrible tragic story and all that. Oh, and what's this I hear about you stealing girls' underwear?"

"WHAT?! NO!" Sasuke immediately began losing any remaining cool he might have accumulated in order to wave his hands around in denial. Especially as he noticed the gathering crowd and the occasional muttering. Maybe he should've waited until they were alone before reacting to this latest bombshell?

"I approve, of course," said Genma. "Good avoidance and stealth training. Avoiding the repercussions - also good martial arts training."

"I didn't do it!" stated Sasuke emphatically.

"Of course you didn't," said Genma with a theatrical wink.

"ARGHHH!" said Sasuke, dropping towards the ground. He stopped his fall with one arm, pivoting it out into a legsweep.

Genma vanished at the moment of connection, reappearing halfway across the plaza. "Better. Yup. As the legal age representitive of your clan though, I'm afraid I've got to take matters into my own hands. Any particular girl you fancy? What about that Yamanaka girl?"

One of the girls in the crowd brightened visibly.

"NO! NEVER!" said Sasuke, leaping into another attack which caused Genma to vanish again and reappear elsewhere.

One of the girls in the crowd sagged, a little cloud forming over her head.

"What about that Sakura girl? I hear she gets excellent scores on her tests," said Genma, consulting a large book.

Another of the little girls in the crowd brightened.

"That humongous forehead of hers must conceal a pretty sharp brain," said Genma, "and she isn't as butch as that Yamanaka girl."

The sagging girl collapsed to her knees while the second girl flinched.

"NEVER! I'D RATHER DIE AVENGING MYSELF AGAINST MY BROTHER!" declared Sasuke sending a flurry of attacks that the portly Uncle dodged.

The pink haired girl with the high forehead simply turned the color of ash and sagged next to her friend/rival.

"Tenten?" "NO!"  
"Anko?" "NO!"  
"Tsunade?" "who? NEVERMIND! NO!"  
"Temari?" "I DON'T EVEN KNOW HER!"  
"Kurenai?" "NO WAY!"

Uncle Genma clicked the book shut. "So, you mean you're gay?"

"AIEEEEEE!" said several young girls in the crowd, falling over.

"WHAT?! NO!" said Sasuke.

"That would explain a few things," said Genma thoughtfully. "I had my suspicions about Itachi after all. That would explain why he's been wearing nail polish."

"Erk," said Sasuke.

* * *

_three years later:_  
The look was of profound satisfaction on Sasuke Uchiha's face as he ripped the tiny little card into smaller and smaller pieces.

"Wow," said Naruto, ignoring the way a girl was on her knees and watching as the tiny little pieces of discarded paper swirled down. "How many's that?"

"Four this month!" said Sasuke, forgetting that he wasn't talking to Naruto in the elation of the moment.

"How many did your Uncle Genma make?" asked Naruto.

"Forty-two," said Sasuke. "Forty-two 'Engagement Cards' made. I got twelve the first year, nine last year, and this year I've gotten fourteen more!"

Naruto nodded. "That's impressive."

Sasuke nodded without a comment.

"That's one of the sneakiest training methods for the ninja arts I've ever heard of," admitted Naruto.

Sasuke nodded again as he brushed the final bits of cardstock off his hands. He'd had to endure suffering, work on his stealth and infiltration skills, learn lockpicking and other such skills. It hadn't been until halfway through his second year when he'd realized that he'd had to improve his ninja skills a dozenfold to get at the cards.

In this latest case all he'd had to do was hide and wait for the girl to show her friends, then steal it when Naruto did something to distract the target.

Naruto had improved as well. Sasuke was his rival after all. He'd gotten another five cards himself, to be used as bribes or blackmail material at some future time when he'd need it. That left two cards unaccounted for.

Sasuke frowned as he noticed someone watching Naruto again.

* * *

"I don't wanna."

"You're the demon-fox, stop acting like a baby."

"Don't wanna, you can't make me."

"Want to bet?"

The demon-fox growled and shrank back a little.

"I didn't think so."

The ninetails glowered at the creature before it. When the two had met, the demon-fox had attacked and tried to snap up the little morsel before it. It hadn't gone exactly according to plan.

Afterwards, it had taken awhile for the demon-fox to get over the feeling of having been a squeaky-toy being played with by a pack of wolves. It had been most unpleasant.

The demon-fox had been expecting to be caged in a sewer. This was more like a zoo exhibit. With a television set, large cushioned bed, and unexpected amenities.

The demon-fox looked for something to distract the little black kitty-cat and found it. "That girl is watching again, and she's almost seeing deep enough to see US. She must suspect something."

"Hmmm," said Toltiir. "Might be part of the residual energies I'm leaking through our boy here. Though apparently she DID notice that Naruto's asleep when I manifest 'Genma' - I've got an idea."

* * *

Her name was Hinata Hyuuga, and her family's Byakugan was its claim to fame. She had been watching Naruto from the time they were children - the other kids tended to shun him but he was able to overcome that. She admired many qualities about Naruto Uzumaki, but she also knew something was very odd about him.

When she'd run across an unconscious Naruto on the roof of the school, she'd performed an examination of his chakra just to make sure he was okay. That was when she'd noticed a thin strand of chakra extending from him, which eventually thinned to the point of invisibility.

From there she had observed and discovered that Sasuke's "Uncle Genma" only appeared when Naruto was sleeping. From overhearing comments, Naruto had no idea of this himself and apparently didn't know of anything that Genma did until someone told him.

She'd also caught hints of something within Naruto. However, she still had no idea what that was. Sometimes it would seem to be a dark and destructive presence deep within him. Sometimes it seemed more... whimsical or something.

Her curiosity, concern for Naruto, and something else all made her even more likely to watch Naruto from a distance.

Familiarity could breed contempt, but sometimes it was something else that formed.

They were currently fourteen years old. Well, except for some who were fifteen. Not everyone had the same birthday after all.

That was odd. Something had shifted and now she was getting a chill up her back?

* * *

"There we go, deal! You drive a hard bargain!" said Genma, shaking the hand of the Hyuuga clan head.

"Of course," said the Hyuuga clan elder. "There's no way you can win this bet though."

"Oh?" asked Genma.

"Otherwise, even if she IS a failure and practically outcast from the clan, I would NEVER engage Hinata to someone like Naruto Uzumaki," said her father.

"I think she has hidden strengths," said Genma.

"Bah, her sister Hanabi will be the next heir of the style. I expect the secret scrolls to be in my possession by the end of the week," said the clan head.

Genma just smiled as the Third Hokage walked by, holding a plushy purple armadillo.

"How did you...?!" asked the startled Hyuuga clan elder. "Still, there's no way that Naruto can form a Shadow Clone."

"No?" asked Genma.

"If you knew that the Third Hokage was going to have that though..."

"I might know that Naruto was planning on proving to his teacher that he COULD master the technique?" asked Genma.

"No, impossible. The only techniques Naruto has mastered are that ridiculous one-"

"Centerfold jutsu," said Genma.

"That silly technique for creating an illusion of a lantern." The clan leader began to look a little uncertain about that one.

"The question about the illusion of illumination WAS intriguing, wasn't it?" asked Genma.

"and that idiotic application of a disguise jutsu," said the clan leader, now sounding a tad uncertain.

"Ah, the Clown Car Jutsu," said Genma, nodding. "How to get an entire class of ninja students into a small cab for a journey to the countryside for the price of a single fare. Quite interesting."

* * *

_Two and a half years previously:_______________

Had anyone ever looked at Fukayu Genma who was familiar with a certain father of a pigtailed martial artist in another plane of reality, they would have seen the resemblance right away.

This one acted more like a well-intentioned but bumbling fellow who wore something akin to the typical Konoha ninjawear. He was known as an exceptional weapon-user, preferring chain weapons. He also had a technique where his planted feet locked onto the ground and he became darn near immovable. When you combined that with his chain weapon usage, he could grab and reel in opponents - showing exceptional ability in snagging airborne targets especially. Coming from a minor branch family of the Uchiha clan, he did NOT have the Sharingan eye technique. That did not mean he was particularly weak or easily defeated however.

"You," said a figure from the roadside near the entry to Konoha. "I killed all the members of the Uchiha clan, save one. So who are you?"

"Nephew!" said Genma, sounding quite pleased. "Come here and give your Uncle a hug."

Itachi Uchiha frowned ever so slightly more, then activated his Sharingan to see what the old fat fool was trying to pull.

Tendrils of chakra went through the soil from the man's feet, anchoring him quite solidly but also forming a barrier to Earth-based techniques performed within about five meters.

More and more curious. Was this one of Orochimaru's experiments?

"Pfeh," said Genma, his expression turning serious. "I might not have the Sharingan, but I see your intent. Don't worry about it. I neither have the Sharingan, nor the intent of rebelling against anyone. My goal is to see Sasuke raised as high as he'll go - if you want to have that death match with him - you'll really have it."

"You're saying you know enough to be dangerous?" asked Itachi.

"Me? Dangerous? I'm just a lovable little panda," said Genma, poofing a genjutsu that changed his appearance to that of a giant panda.

Itachi considered the imposter for a moment, considering what he'd seen and what he'd learned. Then he turned away. "Do what you will then."

* * *

_Present, Naruto age 12_ :___________

Naruto snuck off with the giant scroll of techniques, but remembered to use a transformation jutsu to replace it with a fake.

Then he used his Zeerocks' Copy Scribe Technique (handy for copying homework) to put several techniques down on other scrolls and his Sneak Jutsu to put those copies in various people's bookbags where they would be discovered the next day. He held off snickering about it until after he was gone from each house.

Rock Lee got the dreaded Iron Dragon Palm technique. He'd appreciate that one.  
Sakura Haruno got the even-more-dreaded Domination Shibari Jutsu. If she got into a fight with Ino again that might be interesting to watch.  
Sasuke Uchiha got the not-quite-so-dreaded Firebird Fist. Being able to throw a fireball that could be directed in midflight was something that Naruto's chief rival would seize on immediately. Not incidently deflecting some attention from 'poor innocent Naruto'.  
That weird girl that kept fainting around him whenever he tried to be friendly, Hinata or something like that, got a defensive technique. Pinpoint Defense. It kinda suited her somehow. Maybe she had some medical condition or something. Hmmm. He'd have to think about that, maybe something he could do about that.  
Ino Yamanaka got a technique Naruto had never heard of, but which had suited the girl too perfectly not to use it. Barajutsu - the technique of throwing armor piercing roses with pinpoint accuracy. Someone who worked in a flower shop certainly could use THAT.  
Choji so perfectly fitted the Watermelon Seed Jutsu, which involved eating a watermelon and then spitting the seeds out to cover your opponent, then activating another jutsu to cause them to sprout into vines - NOT giving it to him seemed totally unfair. Believe it!

There was only one other technique he really wanted to hand out, but it turned out he got spotted on that one.

On the other hand, explaining what he was doing to Kiba meant he could just hand over the technique with a promise that the next time he pulled a prank like this - he'd have a lookout available.

Kiba's technique - Dog Pack Attack - was a form of Duplication Jutsu that caused multiple images of an associated partner to circle and bait an opponent. As Naruto had pointed out to Kiba, it wasn't that effective if you knew your opponent had it - but the first time you used it would certainly be an effective distraction.

Finding a potential ally unexpectedly had been a pleasant bonus.

* * *

Naruto nearly got away with the theft due to one little factor he hadn't even considered.

Simply put, he'd gotten the wrong scroll.

Oh, this one had the Shadow Clone jutsu. It was just an odd version of it that caused some of the clones to look a bit... odd. Tails and ears popping out at odd times, giving them a foxlike look. Naruto had no idea what was up with THAT.

Well, except that the first time one of his foxy clones (which had been a Sexy Jutsu version that had popped up without him intending it to be such) was spotted by a village elder - there had been much freaking out.

"Do I GOTTA stay in this circle?! It tickles!" complained Naruto as various medic-nin and research-nin and official-looking nin all stood outside the circle and did various inscrutable things.

"Where'd he get that scroll anyway?" asked one of the officials, apparently unaware of a hidden kemonomimi Naruto who was eavesdropping.

"No idea, it looks just like the hidden scroll of kinjutsu - the S-rank stuff," said one of the other officials, likewise apparently ignorant of eavesdroppers. "It's just that all the techniques there are ones nobody has heard of and they're mostly not S-rank. Some are just plain bizarre, while others..."

"One question," asked the other official. "Why is there a large keg of rice here?"

_POFF!_ went the keg of rice after getting kicked.

"Just thinking about him using that transformation jutsu and any version of Shadow Clone gives me a headache," confessed the first official.

"Are we sure we've even got the real one?" asked the second official, shooting a glance at the boy in the circle. "Transformation jutsu is supposed to be an illusion, but he really does it."

"Quiet," said the first official.

"He wouldn't be so devious and sneaky as to put a spy on the spy just so he could overhear..." said the second official, sounding quite uncertain.

The first official raised an eyebrow.

"That's... actually kind of admirable in a ninja," said the second official.

"I'm going to see if the medic-nin can do anything about this headache," said the first official, stalking off.

_Poff_ went another of Naruto's disguised Shadow Clones a moment later. Maybe disguised as a welcome mat to the facility wasn't his best choice there.

* * *

"What the hell is it with that boy?" asked one of the old men of the village.

"Sasuke? He's just got a major stick up his butt about his brother," said the other old man on the park bench.

"No, not Sasuke," grunted the first of the old men. Waldorf just shook his head. "Pfeh. You've seen one after another anal-retentive vengeance-obsessed ninja going off on a quest for power, at least one every generation. Sometimes two or three. Who freakin' CARES about the Uchiha?"

"A bunch of obsessed fangirls," pointed out Statler. "Don't sound so envious."

"Yeah, I could have used one or two obsessed fangirls myself," admitted Waldorf. "Mind you, I don't think I'd have managed to keep the whole vengeance-obsession with a couple of pretty young kunoichi trying to get my attention."

"Well of course not," said Statler. "You're not a vengeance-obsessed ninja going off on a quest for power. You're an old retired CPA turned movie critic."

"I wasn't  always old," grumbled Waldorf. "Being a hotel manager didn't exactly swarm you with groupies either."

"Not all the time, no," said Statler, smiling mysteriously.

"Off the subject though," said Waldorf, hating that smile for some reason. "What IS it with that boy? I had to leave before the final decision came through. Just a bunch of old farsks arguing back and forth."

"Safe shak, different day," agreed Statler. "What they finally decided was that the boy should be tested. Let the seal come off, but be ready to kill him or re-apply the seal if things turn ugly. In the meantime he's sharing a cell with a sacrificial lamb."  
"Huh. Who'd be so worthless that they'd get for THAT duty?"

* * *

"I know who we can get to monitor him, and she's completely worthless otherwise so it's a perfect use for her," said one of the clan heads deciding Naruto's fate.

* * *

"I don't get it," said Naruto, inside a bunker that had walls of three feet of reinforced concrete. "Why'd they lock me in here? With you?"

"locked up alone with naruto..." whispered Hinata to herself.

"I don't get it," repeated Naruto, going off to one corner of the cell to think about this.

Hinata tried to figure out how to put this. "Well, you see, it's... my father decided..."

"Eh?" asked Naruto, focussing on Hinata.

Which embarassed her MUCH further so that she started curling up and went quiet.

"What is it, Hinata?" asked Naruto. "Why would they lock us in here?"

"I... that is..." Hinata just went ahead and fainted from the force of her blush.

"Eh?" said Naruto, leaping over to grab the girl before she could hurt herself hitting the hard floor. In fact, it was a good thing Hinata was already unconscious or she'd have slipped into a coma from being held like she was.

_hey, she's pretty cute,_ came some whisper from Naruto's subconscious.

"Huh? Who said that?" asked Naruto, not fooled for a moment.

_Uhm. The Demon Fox. Yeah, that's right. I'm the Demon Fox that's sealed within you._

"I got a Demon Fox sealed within me?" asked Naruto. "Funny. You don't  sound like a Demon Fox."

_So I got Multiple Personality Disorder, so sue me,_ griped the little voice.

"The Ninetails is schizopanic?" asked Naruto.

_Close enough,_ said the little voice. _Ahem. The girl is obviously sick._

"She's sick?!" asked Naruto, going into a panic. "Ohmygosh! WhatamIgonnado?"

_Learn a special supersecret new jutsu!_ whispered the voice.

"Oh? A new jutsu!" asked Naruto, going from panicked to excited. "What do I need to do?!"

_First. Put the girl down._

THUMP!

_On. The. Bed._

"Oh, sorry," said Naruto, realizing his mistake and correcting it. "So what's this new jutsu?"

_I'll have to flash teach you,_ said the voice with a hint of regret. _Sadly, there's no time for the usual insanely-painful-yet-strangely-effective training methods usually used for it. As to the name, it's a little teleport technique. Call it a legacy from your father._

"My father?!" asked Naruto as this was the first he'd heard that he'd even HAD a father.

_Yes. You had a father. You had a mother too. That's generally how it happens._

"Lemmee guess, you can't tell me anything about either of them cause of some kind of rules?" grumped Naruto.

_You got it, kiddo._

"But I get a teleport jutsu? What's it do?" asked Naruto.

_The original jutsu developed by your father was that he could teleport short distances very rapidly to where he'd prepared a special mark. This is a sort of refinement of that Yellow Flash jutsu._

"How is it different from this Flash-thingie?" asked Naruto.

_I worked it around, and now it comes in two versions. The small teleports you can manage instantly and are line of sight and only teleport yourself. The larger teleports you can take up to seven times your body mass, take about five minutes to activate, and can be anywhere you've set up a mark ahead of time. So, if you were in the Village Of Sand, you could activate the jutsu and teleport back to this village if you had five uninterrupted minutes._

"That would be COOL!" said Naruto, seeing uses for it immediately. He could set one of these marks up outside the ramen shop, go out for a mission, and as soon as he was finished - POP. Celebratory ramen feast!

_Done. It's now a bloodline ability, so if you and Hinata had a child - the child would have equal chances of having the Byakugan or the Foxhole Teleport. A small chance to have both. Now, I'm going off to catch a well-deserved nap. You might want to rescue Hinata in the meantime._

"How do I do that?" asked Naruto. "There's no windows so all I can see is in the room."

_There's a teleport mark prepared ahead of time,_ responded the voice. _Just pick up Hinata and begin the jutsu._

"Right," said Naruto, scooping up Hinata and concentrating. Huh. He could feel it, like a pinprick beacon in a sea of darkness. He noticed the green flecks of energy beginning to swirl around him as he began the jutsu.

He pulled it off too. Five minutes later he was with a stirring Hinata in his arms and standing... in a cave?!

* * *

Toltiir had bumped the ages slightly. Why? Because a fourteen year old could get into more amusing setups than a twelve year old could. Outside of the ninja village, twelve was sufficiently young that just appearing to not have an adult around would put restrictions into place. Fourteen was only two years away, not requiring huge alterations, but enjoying a good deal more independence as far as most other societies in that world might consider.

So as far as the world and the ninja villages were concerned, fourteen was the year young ninja graduated to gennin.

Toltiir also added a bit here and there. The Hokage was looking over a report that listed Naruto had a kekkei genkai just before the azure fire formed a circle and began the five minute buildup.

At the end of that five minutes, air was displaced and faint odors hung in the air to indicate where the air had come from. Of Naruto and Hinata though, there was no sign.

* * *

Somewhere a little cat smiled because he'd used his 'Genma' facade to set up the teleport and had set up the maximum distance Naruto could teleport using it.

Not that Naruto didn't have other jutsu available. He had his Sexy Jutsu, or whatever he was calling it this week. Disguise jutsu. Clown Car jutsu which was actually a refinement of the Deep Pockets jutsu. He'd learned the Shadow Clone jutsu, the Teleport jutsu, and a handful of other jutsu as he was going along.

That wasn't why Toltiir was smiling though. The Elder God of Mischief and Chaos was smiling because Naruto was holding an unconscious Hinata in his arms and standing deep below a city in another world entirely.

* * *

There was a moment where the world turned white. A brilliant white as of a deep fog or something similar - no details or other objects visible.

Then the moment was over.

"What?! Where?!" asked Naruto as he discovered he was somewhere besides the ninja village he'd expected to find.

It was a deep cavern. Very deep. Very dark. Actually pretty chilly. He could hear what sounded like water moving off to his right. "Where the hell am I now?!"

His eyes slowly began adjusting to the dark, and he realized there WAS a dim light. From somewhere.

* * *

Toltiir whistled a quick tune as things continued to play out. Due to the local gods being real twits and having all these rules - he had to maintain a minimal 'footprint' - so he'd done everything MAJOR prior to Naruto popping into this cavern.

**Gift Of Tongues** would make things easier. **Eye Of Thoth** as well. Stumbling around in the dark could be funny, but the current plan was for something more insane and more fun. So giving Naruto the ability to have glowy eyes in the dark **Foxfire Eyes** (Toltiir decided to make the color of the glow dependent on his mood - more difficult but more amusing) was part of what he'd planned. Of course, Naruto could just see in the dark at this point. Any further abilities would have to be unlocked.

Besides, with his mate (Hinata) and his rival (Sasuke) both having eye powers - it was only fitting that Naruto have something in that regard himself.

So Naruto's eyes were currently a light red and slitted like a fox's eyes. His fangs were a little more pronounced too. Just a touch. Most people of this world who saw him would decide he was a Shifter, and most likely some sort of Sorcerer.

Everything else was in place. It was just a matter of the ingredients meeting each other.

Though frankly he hadn't expected them to be in the Underdark. He'd left the tag in an alley in Waterdeep.

* * *

"Mpf," said Hinata, beginning to stir.

The floor of the tunnel wasn't exactly comfortable, but Naruto didn't see a lot of alternatives. He set Hinata out and considered his next move. Water. Water was good. He didn't have a cup or bottle so he'd have to cup some in his hands.

The sound of voices echoing down the tunnel caused him to stop and consider. Maybe they had a medic or something that could help Hinata.

As soon as her eyes opened and focussed on him, Naruto explained his plan. "Hinata. Stay here. I'm going to see if I can find a doctor to help you."

Hinata immediately took in that Naruto's eyes were glowing faintly, the cavern, the chilly air, the water going in a stream nearby and came to a conclusion. _Naruto has escaped with me? Is this an elopement?!?! A doctor?! What happened?!_

By the time Hinata had come to that conclusion, Naruto was already sneaking towards the noise. Once he got a good look at it, it took another moment or two to realize what he was seeing and listening to was a group of chained-up people with a bunch of dark-skinned (Kumo-nin?) people leading them away?

* * *

Toltiir knew a few things about dimensional travel.

Some universes would "run faster" compared to the time of another universe. The Fae Realms for example. Other universes ran at variable rates compared to yet other universes. Some, inevitably, ran at the same rate with occasional hiccups. If you were IN one universe, you experienced time at a 1second/second rate. Go from your home universe to another universe and then back, and you might find a moment had passed or a year or a hundred years.

Of course, if you knew the tricks and ins and outs of the whole thing - you could use such things to manipulate the situation all sorts of ways.

So he watched as the Hokage tried to get a handle on the situation with Naruto and Hinata missing.

He also watched as Naruto experienced roughly a week in the same period that the Hokage was experiencing an hour. Well, actually it was closer to a month, but that was just a minor detail. Right?

* * *

As one of the chained individuals was stretched out on a rock, Naruto's eyes widened.

As one of the gals in richly embroidered robes raised a knife over the screaming soon-to-be-victim, Naruto figured out exactly what they were doing.

"ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?!" yelled Naruto. Of course, at that point he realized that shouting anything in the cavern was probably NOT a good idea.

Especially after crossbow bolts began whistling through the darkness around him.

"Kage Bunshin!" cast Naruto, deciding the best defense was a good offense.

"It's some advanced Mirror Image spell, it's a mage!" declared the gal holding the knife. "Priestesses, dispel it so the archers can target him!"

"That don't sound good," said one Naruto.

"Let's get them first," said another Naruto.

"YAHHHH!" yelled all the Naruto as they went into the attack.

* * *

"Some kind of wizard-monk," noted High Priestess Galbina as she came around to the front of the improvised altar. "Not bad. A pity we can't take him prisoner and sell him, he'd make a tidy profit."

A rattle of chain made her look backwards but by that time a loop of chain was already around her throat.

* * *

Naruto's Shadow Clones ducked and weaved, kicked and punched, and generally made a mess of things.

Some of the combatants were apparently surprised when they felt his punch or kick connect. Some were shocked when a spray of kunai managed to disrupt their spellcasting. Some were REALLY shocked when the poisoned crossbow bolt they'd just fired off caused the 'image' to puff out in smoke AFTER they'd gotten hit by that same 'mirror image' of this really really annoying human.

It was all the more annoying when the slaves began picking up stones and throwing them in defense of their apparent rescuer(s).

Oh, and the sacrifice had gotten her chain unhooked from the rock and was strangling the head priestess with it.

* * *

Hinata watched with her Byakugan as the battle in near-darkness continued. She didn't know what was going on, just that Naruto was in a MAJOR fight against overwhelming numbers. Except that he had used a duplication technique to a truly ludicrous degree and now outnumbered those he was attacking.

She was confused by the whole thing as she saw some were prisoners, some were not, but none of them were saying anything she could make any sense out of.

* * *

Eventually the battle wound down. Naruto kept up the number of his Shadow Clones, while the number of slavers was constantly being whittled down. Here, without reserves they could draw on, and with their own resources largely consumed in the slave raid itself - they were at a disadvantage.

* * *

Toltiir was a god of mischief. Even with this being less than 0.0001% of his total strength, he could manage some pretty powerful stuff.

Though some things didn't set well with him, even considering how vanishingly brief the life of these young upstart gods were - much less the campfire sparks of "mortal" lifespans.

So, when he saw something that struck him as being particularly unfair and unhumorous, well, could you really blame him for manipulating things just a tad?

Though he had made a teenie-tiny mistake in the relative time rates. Almost unnoticeable with everything else going on really.

* * *

"Two hours of this nonsense," grumbled Hiruzen Sarutobi, the Third Hokage as he entered his office. "Eh? What's this?"

A box on his desk, with a few of the Fourth's weapons?

Below that a slip of paper?

Moving the box, the Third Hokage could see the resemblence to the seals that the Fourth used for his own technique. The design was a little more complicated and had two boundaries. The little crackling spark was different too.

Not exactly slow on the uptake, the Third put the seal out on the floor and started clearing a space.

The crackle became a circle, which became a dome, which suddenly flashed.

"That did it!" said someone who resembled Hinata Hyuga, though she was a little taller and had longer hair and was wearing some unfamiliar clothes and carrying a SWORD?!

"Quick, everyone off the seal!" said someone who looked like a slightly taller Naruto except that Naruto's hair was longer and his clothes were REALLY unfamiliar. "I've got to go back!"

The large group of unfamiliar people hurried out of the circle which was already forming again.

"Can someone explain all this to me?" asked the Hokage, fixing Hinata with his gaze in particular.

"Well, we've got ten minutes for the round trip," said Hinata with a nod. "Yes, Hokage, we have time, but we'll need to get medic-nin and some jonin in here - just in case something comes through WITH Naruto."

* * *

"These are people from the Promenade, a village which was being overrun by its enemies when Naruto was able to perform his Teleport Jutsu," said Hinata as the wounded were being checked. Despite the differences in species, wounds were still wounds. There were curious ones watching from a distance, but the street was mostly clear as this latest weirdness from Naruto played out.

"So they were attacked by a rival ninja group?" asked the Hokage. "I see burns, stab wounds - signs of a ninja battle."

"They use different forms of ninjutsu," explained Hinata.

"You were gone three hours here, how long were you there?" asked the Hokage next.

"Eh? But - we were there over a month," said Hinata, looking around as the idea penetrated. "Close to two. Though it was hard to tell. We spent most of that time underground."

_crackle_

The Third Hokage looked up at the window of his office as light flickered. "Looks like he's on the way back."

"It'll probably take four trips to get everyone out," admitted Hinata.

"This could be a problem," said the Hokage as one of the strangers walked up.

"We were told you take missions for money," said the stranger, holding up a brick of gold. "Can we talk?"

"I think, perhaps, we can," admitted the Hokage, "rescuing refugees IS a valid mission usually."

* * *

"I see, so they knew he could teleport from place to place," said Sarutobi, flanked by various jonin. "They blocked him from teleporting from his current location, but only as far as this other world was concerned."

"Yes, that is so," said Hinata, one of the three in the chairs that was surrounded by the seats of the hastily formed council. "Then Naruto could feel when you opened up this path, which was to outside that world and therefore not blocked as thoroughly."

The darkskinned and whitehaired person who'd given her name simply as Emissary inclined her head. "Someone of our own world, using our own methods, wouldn't have been able to go through that block. Since Naruto's method uses other paths and means, each path had to be specifically closed to him. From there, he could come HERE. From here, we can go to one of the other places he's placed those wards at. Therefore we shall not be a burden to your resources much longer. Though there are prophesies..."

"In the meantime, both me an' Hinata have been getting special training," said Naruto.

"Yes, I noticed that Hinata was carrying a sword," said the Hokage.

"Oh, it's not MY sword," said Hinata. "My weapon is a little different."

"Yes, on my world, some things are best fought at a distance," said Emissary. "Lady Hinata has proven quite skilled with her dagger _Dúlin_."

The Hokage noticed that his were not the only eyes flicking towards the dagger strapped to Hinata's forearm. Something that looked entirely innocent and just part of her new ninja-ensemble as far as anyone could tell.

"So, whose sword is it?" asked one of the jonin.

"Actually, it's meant as a gift for the Hokage," said the Emissary. "A gesture of goodwill between two independent agencies."

"Eh?" asked the Hokage, who was familiar with the practice but not a sword-wielder himself.

"The sword was made long ago by Elven warmages and it's name is _Lygrist_ in that language," said Emissary.

At a nod from the Hokage, a jonin went to the table and retrieved the blade.

The Hokage took the blade from the jonin and then glanced at the Emissary and the two ninja with one eyebrow quirked in silent question. The Emissary nodded.

The Hokage drew the blade.

Revealed was a silvery-blue metal blade with a flowing script written in the center. More surprising to the Hokage was the way the blade seemed to stir in his hand, a faint image of a mongoose raising its head showing in the reflection on the blade's surface for a brief moment.

"A handsome gift," acknowledged the Hokage. And it was. He could feel leashed power in the sword, awaiting a target worthy of its attention.

"It was made for a war with a race known as the yuan-ti," said Emissary. "One of our seers said that it was appropriate for the land of our two esteemed visitors."

"I see," said Sarutobi, sounding old and tired for a moment. "Well then. What, other than a staging area for Naruto to teleport to and from, do you want of our humble village?"

"Trade," said the Emissary. "Mutual assistance is a possibility, but as travel to and from our world is currently entirely at the ability of one individual - there is only so much that can be done there. We  would like to see an exchange of one of your instructors for one of our own. Just in case each of us can learn something of the other's abilities."

* * *

"So," said the Kazekage. "Konohagakure has access to other worlds and their treasures, as well as a transportation and communication system to be envied. And it is all a kekkei genkai - a bloodline ability?"

"That is so," said the spy.

"How interesting," said the Kazekage. "There is just one thing to do about this."

* * *

The Kazekage saw another of his minions enter and nod to him. He inclined his head slightly to acknowledge the message.

A messenger bird had come with a note and a seal-paper. When he'd unfolded the seal and set it down per the instructions, he'd had a number of his jonin present. Just because there was a truce didn't mean taking unnecessary chances.

Naruto Uzumaki, possessor of the Teleport kekkei genkai. Because he was limited in how many he could transport, and it took five minutes with a very visible teleport effect - it was not as concerning as it might have been.

Useful yes. Potentially VERY useful. The seal itself was now tacked to the floor of a small booth out in the open where a guard post was normally stationed anyway. At the first hint of silver fire the word would be passed.

The Kazekage had noted the amount of space the dome had taken up and figured that five people could fit in there if they crammed together tightly. He'd also made note that Uzumaki had been tired and had chugged a good half of a water bottle on arrival. The teleporter had recovered quickly, but would be at a combat disadvantage upon first arrival.

One didn't get to be Kazekage by being unobservant.

He drew the blade, partially, from the scabbard and admired it again. Lygrist was its name, or as Uzumaki had explained, _Snake Cleaver_. There was much about it he didn't know. A straight-bladed longsword of silvery metal with dark blue lines in the metal itself. The edge was sharp enough, the Kazekage thought in a brief touch of whimsy, to cut the wind itself.

Yet a ninja had to look beyond surfaces for hidden meanings. The Kazekage handed the blade over to a retainer who would put it away in an appropriate location.

A sword of power, a gift from a far-off nation to the Hokage who regifted it to the Kazekage. Officially it was because Sarutobi was NOT as good with a sword as with some other weapons, and because he valued the peace that now existed between the Shinobi Nations.

Unofficially, the Kazekage saw the message as well. A request to stand WITH Konohagakure and mutually profit.

"I told that boy that I'd send a decision as to what to do with... is there something wrong?" The Kazekage turned his attention to the servitor that had been walking away with the sword and who now stood there looking puzzled.

"Pardon, sir," said the servitor, "but the sword just... moved."

"Eh?" asked the Kazekage, who got up and took the sword back. He frowned as he felt it when he grasped the grip of the weapon. It was stirring, giving off the feeling of being alert. Then, in a single motion, he drew it.

The feeling of alertness exploded as soon as the tip cleared the scabbard.

One of his servants hissed and drew back, a ghostly snake whispering in his ear becoming visible to the Kazekage as the sword pulsed in his hand.

"How interesting. I think," said the Kazekage, pointing with the sword tip. "That a little talk may be in order."

"AIIEEEEEEE!" The servant dropped the tray and began to run, which was considered a confession of guilt by just about everyone present.

* * *

It took over an hour for the interrogation to wring the details out, which left the Kazekage idly tapping the sword he now had secured to a belt. "Why would an S-Class criminal like Orochimaru be interested in MY whereabouts?"

"You ARE the Kazekage, sir," pointed out Baki, one of the most trusted of Jonin.

"I have a feeling there is more to it than that," said the Kazekage. "Just for him to send a spy in amongst my staff represents a drain in resources that most people hiding from authorities would not be inclined to do."

"Orochimaru, sir, is NOT a typical S-Class," said Baki.

"Sunagakure may be in danger of more than being undercut on prices by Konohagakure," said the Kazekage. "I will take three of my jonin to investigate personally the rendevous point our spy was going to meet his contact at."

"Are you sure that's wise?" asked Baki. "Going yourself?"

"It is a month from now," said the Kazekage. "In the meantime, take this sword and put it up over the door there. Have someone keep an eye on it at all times. If someone enters and the blade shifts even a finger's width - we'll know who the replacement spy is."

Baki felt several objections come to mind immediately, but saw the cold gaze of his Kazekage and held his tongue. "Yes, sir."

* * *

Some drow were born as the higher-ups of the various Houses that dominated drow life. Aristocracy who spent all their lives fighting amongst themselves and taking things out on those of lower birth than themselves.

She was one of those lowborn. Born a slave, lived as a slave, who didn't know another life.

When she'd been rescued by the strange surfacedweller, she'd recognized his power and done what had seemed completely natural for her. She'd sworn service to the stranger, forsaking her old (and unlamentedly deceased) masters and thereby increasing her chances of survival.

It had taken more than a week for her to convince him that this was what she considered normal and natural.

She was fond of the uniform when someone finally figured out what it was supposed to look like, and could put it together.

The expressions on the part of Lady Hinata and Lord Naruto (or Mistress and Master if one preferred) combined shocked and other things that she was not familiar with. But they DID agree that it was better than the diaphonous outfits she was used to, or naked which was also something she'd done more often than not.

Actually the outfit covered quite a lot of skin, some of the scars she was a bit self-conscious about, and it provided a lot of places one could hide weapons - which was a good thing considering what she'd been able to understand of the Master and Mistress' occupation.

Now she was with Lord Naruto and Lady Hinata (they seemed more at ease with this sort of term used to reference them than her previous method of referring to them) and was in the presence of their king/overlord/high priest?

As was the case with their odd language, Lord Naruto of House Uzumaki being the only one who had that odd translation effect going, she was only able to understand brief snatches. Most of it used words and sometimes concepts she was utterly unfamiliar with.

Her eyes flicked from the too-bright windows to the various furnishings of the room to her Masters, to their King.

The term 'ninja' was used - which indicated the profession that she understood the Master and Mistress practiced. The term 'drow' was of course a reference to her own species. 'Konoha' - sometimes followed by 'gakure' was a reference to the settlement.

"If this one should be trained in combat, to better fit in with the service to the Master and Mistress, then this one would be pleased to do so," said the slave. Which was the truth. Service to this Master and Mistress had been oddly pleasing. They had not so far done so much as raise a switch to her, nor even raised their voices except in alarm a few times. There was something else that had occurred several times so far, which she hadn't quite understood herself. There was nothing of amusement in her previous life but she'd found herself laughing aloud when the Mistress had accidently drenched the Master in purluu juice and then become focussed on trying to get his clothes off of him. When the Mistress had realized what she'd been intent on, that fair skin had changed color to a bright red that seemed incandescent to her darksight. Which had furthered the bubbling up feeling within her.

It was odd, she'd only heard laughter before from a Mistress when torturing a victim or servant. This was entirely different somehow.

She'd been allowed to arm herself after awhile. So far her only regret had been that they had given her a name of 'ruby' - which she understood to refer to her eyes. She thought that overly extravagant as she was simply a lowborn, and naming her after a gemstone far too above that station.

Not that she was going to refuse it. Her last Mistress had given her the name of 'sickly maggot.'

Master Naruto turned to regard her, noting her position kneeling on the floor and cleared his throat. "You know, you could take a seat."

"I would not think of it," said Ruby, managing to sound properly scandalized.

Once again Master Naruto got that bit-into-something-bitter expression and slumped a little as he returned his attention to the aged King.

Ruby was surprised when the King's look indicated he'd caught her brief smirk at the antics of the Master, and merely raised an eloquent eyebrow. He too looked amused, and not in the manner of a Mistress listening to the cries of pain and despair of those under her control.

Yes, Ruby thought to herself, she definitely preferred her current Master and Mistress to the one she'd previously had. Now if she could just convince them to stop trying to turn her loose. She'd have to find a way to make sure that they knew how valuable she could be as their servant.

* * *

"She's learning the language, but she don't speak much of it, and apparently I can't teach her a damn thing," complained Naruto. "Anything I say gets translated. Hinata's doing a better job of that."

"Then she should take this 'drow' under her wing," said the Third Hokage. "There are jobs that a non-ninja can do around the village, and since she seems to refuse to leave you..."

"Yes, uhm, that does seem to be the case," admitted Hinata.

"Then it is settled," said the Hokage. "She will be your personal retainer, and you can teach her the language. Eventually she may find a job away from you two but the language barrier will have to be overcome before that becomes an issue."

* * *

"Temari," said the Kazekage. "You have done well with your wind-style ninjutsu, you are excellent in taijutsu. Now I have the most difficult task ever for you. It is a task that will be difficult, hazardous, and carries great risk. Yet if you complete the task, the rewards for our village are great."

"Leave it to me," said Temari with a smirk. Someone needed to have their butt whupped, she was ready.

"Not me?" asked Gaara, who'd accompanied his sister.

"I can't do this?" asked Kankuro.

"The summons was for Temari alone, and neither of you are suited for this task," said the Kazekage.

"Huh," mused Temari aloud, "so it must be something that requires speed."

"Fast would be good," said the Kazekage. "It might take longer than that though. Baki."

Baki stepped forward, holding a photograph taken at some distance of a young man in a marketplace.

"So I have to kill him?" asked Temari.

"No. That would be exactly the opposite of what needs to be done," said the Kazekage. "Baki? If you'll give them the basics of the target?"

"Naruto Uzumaki, who we have identified as the carrier of the Ninetailed Demon Fox," said Baki. "Gennin, recently graduated from their Ninja Academy. Has not been assigned to a three man squad yet due to extenuating circumstances."

"That's all? I have to, wait - you said opposite of kill?" asked Temari. "What does that mean?"

"In addition to containing the Ninetails," continued the Kazekage, noting Gaara's interest at that point, "it turns out his bloodline contains a powerful kekkei genkai. A teleport technique that can allow him to carry a small number of people across any distance within the span of five minutes."

"Okay..." said Temari, switching tracks. "So you need someone who is more of a strategist. I see." So instead of physical abilities - they needed her mental abilities. "So I should observe Uzumaki, determine what limitations are on his ability, and how to defend against it. Hmmmm."

Catching her whisper, Gaara and Kankuro both acknowledged it with frowns for different reasons.

"I have already sent a runner to Konoha, you will be engaged to Naruto Uzumaki and will attempt to acquire his bloodline talent for our village," said the Kazekage. "I have absolute faith in your ability to accomplish this mission."

"Don't worry, I can do it!" declared Temari with confidence. Then she frowned. "Wait. What?"

* * *

Hinata dropped her hand occasionally to her knife as she made her way to the family compound for the first time in a very eventful day (their reckoning) or over two months (her own experience) depending on how one looked at it.

Dulin was its name, the elven word for Nightingale. Which might have been an odd name for a dagger, but Hinata was also familiar with its history.

Naruto had picked it up from one of the dark elven women who'd been throwing sprays of colored light around in an effort to kill him. He'd handed it off to her as part of what he understood the local customs to be - picked up from comments of the rescued prisoners. She had treasured it then, as a gift from Naruto.

She treasured it now even more, and not simply because it was a gift from Naruto.

Surface elves had made it and she'd gotten more of the history from a weapons fancier who studied such things and had been fascinated with it the moment he'd seen it. He'd told her what he knew of it, which hadn't been all that much. It was over a thousand years old, and had been wielded by mages among the elves for most of that time. The speculation was that the drow elf who'd had the blade prior to Naruto's claiming of it had taken it from the corpse of an elven merchant-mage who'd probably inherited it.

The blade itself was the length of elbow to wrist on her, a thin double-edged blade of silver-white metal with a grip of some greenish leather. Basilisk hide, or so she was told.

The blade's abilities were simple enough. The surface of the blade glowed with a cold blue radiance. It never rusted nor needed sharpening. It also sang, hence the name. She could hear it when it was sheathed, though only in her mind when the blade was close at hand. She normally wore it on a forearm sheath or at her belt. When the songbird was quiet, nothing was going on. When the songbird sounded alarm, there was hostile intent within arrowshot directed at her or those nearby. She was still learning and interpreting the other songs.

It was the song of alarm that was so incredibly useful to her. Hinata could not use the Byakugan for an extended period without exhausting herself. When the alarm was cried, she knew to activate her Byakugan then and find the cause.

This had saved her life, and Naruto's life, in that other world.

The blade, with the crosspiece of outswept wings, seemed to settle further into her hand when she let it.

She could see it. Currents of something like chakra flowed through the blade and under the leather grip into the pommel stone. The blade was alive in a way. Not necessarily intelligent, but as alive as a thing of crafted metal and used a thousand years could be.

When Hinata reached the Hyuga family compound, she saw the double-takes of the guards. She'd changed in the months they'd been gone. Perhaps it was the clothes? Or was it that she'd gotten just a little taller?

It couldn't have been Ruby's presence, as they were not staring at the drow elf. She herself hadn't changed THAT much, had she?

* * *

Hinata entered the compound as if she hadn't seen it for a time. Which was true, from her point of view.

Her father striding towards her was expected, as was Ruby's reaction of brushing her skirt and apron as if straightening them.

Her father came to a stop and glanced at Ruby, not fooled. "Who is this?"

"This is Ruby, who has sworn to my service," said Hinata.

* * *

Hiashi Hyuga had heard of Naruto Uzumaki, his Teleport technique, and had seen the trade delegation from a distance.

Also from a distance, he'd observed Hinata. Who was carrying herself with a LOT more confidence.

Hinata was also carrying a long foreign-looking knife, wearing a set of black silk that was slightly baggy and had a hood that could be pulled up to form a cowl around her head. Bracers of some odd metal riveted onto an equally odd leather. Several pouches. Also an amulet of some kind, visible hanging just under her throat.

The Hyuga clan was trained to read body language, to pay attention to details and be able to interpret them, and other similar things. The use of their Byakugan could be optimized with such skills.

Hinata was quietly confident, more so than he'd ever remembered seeing her. No cringing or flinching. Nervous, yes.

"What IS that you're wearing?" asked Hiashi, not intending it to be harsh - more a stall while he went over the various details and tried to fit the pieces together.

"Oh, this is a black spider silk explorer's outfit," said Hinata, apparently grateful for a neutral topic. "Because it's made from the silk of giant cave spiders it's actually quite durable."

The darkskinned girl with the pointed ears settled into a stance that looked deferential and polite, but Hiashi could tell that her hands were near a set of slender throwing knives. A bodyguard of some sorts? Why would any Hyuga require a bodyguard?

"Hmph," said Hiashi aloud. "Are you ready for some sparring?"

"Ruby, this is my father," said Hinata. "He is the head of my clan, and my teacher."

The bodyguard in the maid outfit moved slightly, her neatly folded hands no longer edging towards a decorative frill that had three knives concealed there. "As my lady wishes."

"I had hoped to be able to rest a little," said Hinata, inclining her head, "but if that is your wish, Father."

Hiashi waited until the maid had taken a position to the side and then assessed his eldest daughter again. She seemed relaxed, loose, still...

"Byakugan," said father and daughter simultaneously.

"Holy goddess, bless this supplicant," whispered Hinata, touching the barely-showing amulet.

Hiashi didn't let his frown deepen as a tendril of blue chakra(?) wisped out around Hinata.

Nor did he let his surprise show at the OTHER odd things he was seeing. A ring on one finger, which glimmered with a dull green light. The bracers also had an odd look, shifting colors to a dull blue under the Byakugan. The dagger at her belt, even as it was unclipped and lightly tossed to the maid - almost looked alive as chakra flowed through it.

Hiashi moved in the moment of inattention, intending to test Hinata's reaction time.

Hinata bent out of the way, showing that her apparent inattention was an illusion. Her counterstrike barely missed him and only because he'd half-expected it.

That clinched something in his mind. Hinata had seen combat. Not merely sparring, but the sort of opponent who would kill you if you gave them that chance.

Then Hinata did something unexpected, she extended her chakra to project from her fingertips by a distance of several inches.

Such a thing wasn't unknown, but it was inefficient and didn't do that much good. Hiashi responded by sending a couple of quick jabs at his daughter.

Who bent and then somersaulted out of the way.

Hiashi frowned as he detected the cut on one sleeve made by a blade of chakra.

The bodyguard-maid said something in a harsh-sounding language.

Hinata apparently understood at least some of that, making a gesture of a closed fist waving side to side.

Again the bodyguard-maid said something, a single short noise deep in the throat.

Hinata dropped the chakra-knife technique, understandable as it WAS inefficient and draining.

They were both breathing hard after a few minutes.

Hiashi Hyuga was experienced on the field of battle himself. He'd taken part in ninja wars, and he'd been part of a three man squad.

That, and that he had been trying to gauge her abilities instead of trying to crush her completely, had been why the fight had taken as long as it had.

"What are those odd rays and auras?" asked Hiashi as a servitor brought fresh towels.

"I am an acolyte of the Church of Sune," said Hinata after a deep breath. "I have access to certain abilities as such."

"Never heard of it," said Hiashi, frowning at the thought of one of his daughters joining some cult.

"In that world, there are beings of great power, and one has to choose a patron among them - especially when you're engaged in fighting servants of one of their number," said Hinata with a shrug. "The goddess Sune is 'The Lady Of Love' and the chosen goddess of artists and those who love another. She encourages the creation and sharing of beauty."

"Ah, so it was a practical decision based on that other world's environment," said Hiashi with a nod. Sort of like fitting in with the locals to better accomplish a mission. Acceptable.

Harsh syllables ending in an interrogative from the darkskinned maid.

"I have to teach her the local language and customs, per the Hokage's orders," said Hinata.

"Well, if it's a mission from the Hokage, you must then," said Hiashi, managing not to limp until AFTER he'd left the dojo. Form counted after all.

* * *

Ruby was quite familiar with the concept of hidden bodyguards and DID understand that this was a village of 'hidden warriors' (which she mainly understood as some kind of ranger/mage combination) and so the hidden watchers concerned her not much beyond letting the Lady Hinata know about them.

Not that the Lady Hinata needed more than the occasional prompt. Her clairvoyant abilities were quite impressive, especially when bolstered by the dagger that had been taken as loot from the High Priestess' lover. Ruby allowed a smile to briefly cross her face as that woman, a high ranked mage-cleric had been killed by Lord Naruto's solid mirror-images.

The dagger itself had no doubt played its own part. It had chafed at being used by such as the former Mistresses. Certainly the High Priestess and her lover had mentioned that and that they would enjoy breaking the will within the dagger. It might not have been a weapon of epic power, or a weapon with intelligence of its own as such things were measured, but those were just conjectures drawn from Ruby's overhearing of such commentary.

Her own weapon, given to her from Lord Naruto himself, was a minor dagger taken from the corpse of the High Priestess. Nonmagical but expensive, a dwarf-forged masterwork worth more than she herself was if it were to be sold. That it came from her now-deceased and unlamented former Mistress made the owning of the weapon all the more sweet.

Ruby was not necessarily a nice person. She was, however, very survival-oriented. Her current Master and Mistress wanted her to 'play nice' and so she would. They had even tried on several occasions to free her.

Ruby had considered that the first time it had been offered. The problem being that she didn't really understand the concept. In some ways it was more frightening than facing a village of humans had been.

So she remained. With more duties and more benefits, better status and less beatings and torture. And if it gave her the opportunity to occasionally do something messily painful to former Mistresses or at least screw with them - she could definitely live with that.

The Mistress' father/teacher (Ruby wasn't sure which) made short comments and sounded dismissive. In other words, typical of either role in Ruby's experience. Except there were no whips and she didn't see any blood.

Of course the Mistress DID use that weird Monk-like combat style where a touch could leave an arm hanging useless at one's side or cause the victim to be gasping helplessly for breath. Still, neither Mistress nor her sensei were completely out of it.

That might have been because of the Mistress wearing that Ring Of Minor Regeneration or the Bracers Of Resistance or it might have been that the two were just very skilled.

The sensei of the Mistress was definitely the more battle-experienced of the two, but slightly slower and less flexible. Mistress had the edge in speed and flexibility, but lacked the reach of the sensei's arms and didn't have quite the experience.

The use of a clerical spell to produce a blast of holy radiance had apparently caught the sensei by surprise. This had been offset by the Mistress' inexperience and telegraphing the manuever enough for the sensei to pick up and twist out of the way of the attack. Mostly.

Had it been a real fight, Ruby would have quietly slipped a dagger through the ribs of the Mistress' opponent during that moment she had pressed him.

The hidden assailants had stirred themselves a couple of times, but that was probably just more of their strange ways. In a drow citadel, strips of flesh would have been removed as reminder to those who had revealed their position through such methods.

Ah, perhaps the Mistress was going to reveal her art now. Ruby understood that this was something the Mistress enjoyed, but it was also something of a religious observance. To each their own, Ruby supposed. In a drow citadel the religious observance usually involved something that caused screaming and wailing on the part of the victim. This "Sune" of the Mistress required arts of a generally more passive nature.

Ruby could appreciate it as the Mistress had chosen the art of cooking. Though it was a servant's duty to prepare meals, she knew her own tastes were different from her master and mistress' own. Not to mention her skills in such were mostly lacking.

Hinata Hyuga was expected to know and be good at certain things because she was of the main house of a noble family. A noble ninja family, but a daughter of such in any case.

She was shy and lacking in self-confidence, and that was part of her problem with her father and life in general. Nonetheless, even when it looked as if she would have to give up being a ninja - she was skilled at certain things that were expected of her and even her father didn't voice criticism of those areas. This last was why she had apparently settled on these as a refuge of sorts, finding comfort in them and had gotten even more skilled as a result.

Cooking was one of those things. She could do that quite well, except that she sometimes got a little carried away. Not with the ingredients or something like that, but with the amount of it. It was okay though, there was a branch family and there was always the neighbors. Most of whom were quite happy to have some of Hinata's home cooking to expand out their own selections.

When the choice had come for an Art to practice and share as a result of her association with the church of Sune, she fell back to her zone of comfort. Ino Yamanaka might have been better with the specialties involved with flower arranging, but Hinata wasn't far behind. When she was doing the tea ceremony, she was an island of tranquility and poise. Not so much as some, but certainly not far behind.

Hinata didn't have much confidence in anything, really. Her test scores were high, but not the best. Her flower arranging was third best. She was never the absolute best at anything, one of the things that had initially caused her despair, but she could focus in on those tasks like tea ceremony to the point where she wasn't aware of it.

If someone, like Statler for example, were to categorize Hinata - she would likely be the _Yamato Nadeshiko_ of the young kunoichi crop. Sakura was the _Brain_ and _Tsundere_ , Ino was the _Rival_ and _Modern Ninja-girl Fashionista_ and so on.

She wasn't the absolute best, but she was within the top scorers. That didn't matter much when your father demanded perfection, but since flower arranging was pretty incomprehensible to Hiashi Hyuga and tea ceremony was beneath his notice - then he came down all the harder on the areas that WERE of consequence to him.

The drow of the Promenade had been honestly confused by the skills Hinata had shown. Flower arranging was completely alien to them, much less an art they could appreciate. Tea ceremony had likewise been part of a very different culture from anything they'd been exposed to. Cooking had involved foods not available in the Underdark.

The reception in Candlekeep had been somewhat different, they'd been familiar to several scholars through books but never seen firsthand. The merchants of Shou when they'd briefly interacted with them in Waterdeep had variants of the arts, and so there had been some understanding. In both cases, they'd been able to appreciate the basics at least.

It was in the practice of these Arts that Hinata had come to recharge her clerical abilities.

The presence of Ruby was an element she'd come to accept over the past two months. Hectic and eventful months to be sure, with only the practice of this Art as a moment of tranquility in the flow of events.

Ruby's eyes were watchful, though the pose was as close to her that of her "Lady Hinata" as she could manage. Though born with elven grace, there was a stiffness in one leg left over from an imperfect healing. That and Ruby could never seem to quite relax to the extent that Hinata was capable of. Ruby always seemed ready to bolt or attack at any given moment.

Hinata went through the practiced motions, striving for elegance, economy of movement, and to project the atmosphere of serenity that was so important.

Ruby mostly ignored such concerns, only remembering at the last moment to turn the cup three times and down the brew in three gulps.

Hinata was aware of the scrutiny coming from without the room. One of the drawbacks of being the heir of a house with the Byakugan. It was probably Hanabi.

Hinata didn't bother to check. If she was going to check anything, well that would be...

Despite not having the Byakugan or any similar ability, Ruby had no problem interpreting the faint blush and smile gracing the Lady Hinata's face. It was obvious that she was thinking of Lord Naruto.

Naruto, on the other hand, was elsewhere.

* * *

Jiraiya was easy to underestimate, nonetheless he WAS one of the three densetsu no sannin among the shinobi. When opportunity knocked, he knew that it didn't come around a second time all that often. He also knew that the teleport technique was a kekkei ginkai. No matter how long he studied, he'd never learn it - though he might be able to emulate some part of it.

He'd already worked out four potential ways it could be used as a defense technique. Six possible attack techniques using it. Not to mention the possibilities for noncombat use.

"So, the old man," said Naruto, sitting down across the table from this other old man.

"That's right," said Jiraiya, pouring a beverage into a tall glass filled with ice. "I'm Jiraiya, one of the three Great Sages. I'm also an author. Sip on this. It'll help."

"Huh?" asked Naruto.

"You're near the point of exhaustion," said Jiraiya, not without a certain degree of kindness. "How many teleports have you done so far today?"

Naruto sipped on the drink, eyes widening slightly at the flavor and how it DID seem to put a trace of life back into him almost as soon as it hit his taste buds. "Uhm. I dunno. I had to teleport to each of the Five Shinobi Nations, then over to Candlekeep, then to the Dalelands..."

"Those are in this other world?" asked Jiraiya.

"Yeah, then I had to go to Evermeet on some business of that old sage guy, though Hinata said he was studying my jutsu," said Naruto. "Then I had to come back and go to some stuffy old place the Hokage wanted set up."

"Yes," said Jiraiya agreeably, "the Hidden Ninja Valley Monastery and Commune."

"Yeah, the place they make those ninja food-bars," said Naruto with a trace of grumpiness.

"It's a retirement community for ninja who want to live out their end days in peace and quiet," said Jiraiya. "However, as it is also a neutral ground as regards all the ninja community - it can also be a hotbed of trading secrets and information."

"Yeah, whatever," grumped Naruto as he continued to sip at the drink. "What is this anyway?"

"It's a mix of dragonfruit and a few other juices," said Jiraiya. "Replaces fluids that you use up using a lot of jutsu."

"So where do you want me to port to?" asked Naruto.

"I just need to see one of your marker-seals," said Jiraiya. "Then I can set them up myself at a few places that are more fun than the Hidden Ninja Valley."

"More fun?" asked Naruto.

"Beaches," said Jiraiya. "Ski resorts. Tropical island getaways. I mentioned I'm an author, right?"

Naruto frowned as he went back over the conversation. "Yeah. What kinda books?"

"Oh, various kinds," said Jiraiya, waving it off. Also not mentioning a scenic overlook to a women's hot spring spa that was on his list of places to put those seals. "There's another reason for that though. I've been asked to oversee some of your training."

"Training?" asked Naruto.

"Yes, well, there were some objections to your continuing to use your jutsu," said Jiraiya, shrugging. "Mainly from representitives of shipping companies, mail and transport services, and so on."

Naruto sipped at his drink some more, face scrunched up to look particularly foxlike as he pondered this. "Fun places, huh?"

"All work and no play," said Jiraiya, "just leads to a stressed out ninja. Besides, you've got a fiancee, right? Think how nice it would be to go someplace like a beach resort in between missions with her."

"Ohhhh," said Naruto, eyes widening again as he considered that. "Training?"

"Yes, there are some basic jutsu I'll show you, then you can practice those, then we'll step things up," said Jiraiya.

"Really, like what?" asked Naruto, trying and failing miserably to not look interested at the prospect of new jutsu.

Jiraiya merely got up, put one foot against a wall, then walked up that wall to stand on the ceiling looking down at Naruto.

"Whoaaaaa," said Naruto. "That's a BASIC?"

"Oh yes," said Jiraiya. "This also emphasizes control and endurance. I'll explain the technique, you'll get a good night's sleep, and then there's your mission tomorrow."

"I got another mission tomorrow?" asked Naruto. On the one hand he wanted to sleep in late. On the other hand he felt his importance to the village was increasing with all this work thrown at him.

"Yes," said Jiraiya, not immediately explaining that some of these would make Naruto's life a lot more complicated.

* * *

Temari frowned as she straightened her outfit and considered the tough battle ahead of her.

"You're NOT going off to kill him, you know," said Kankuro from where he was fiddling with a small puppet.

"What's that?" asked Temari.

"You're clenching your fists, grimacing, and looking like you're getting ready to spatter someone's body across the landscape," said Kankuro, looking up from his work. "Considering your mission, that's a good way to fail before you've even started."

"Well, excuse me for not being some graceful flower," growled Temari, though she realized that it was probably accurate. She tried to force herself to relax a bit. "No, I meant what is that puppet?"

"Oh, I'm trying to work out something a little less obvious and deadly than I usually do," said Kankuro thoughtfully returning his attention to the puppet. "It's really quite a challenge. I decided to go with a spider puppet."

"Anyone seeing a spider bigger than your head is going to find that pretty alarming no matter if they recognize it as a puppet or not," pointed out Temari.

"This is just a prototype," said Kankuro defensively. "I'll eventually make a crow-puppet. This one is just for me to get the hang of extending chakra lines to a distance."

Temari shook her head, crossed to a mirror, then tried a few moves. She saw Gaara come in, but decided to try ignoring him. It was safer for one thing.

She tried thrusting out one hip, turning partially and directing a seductive look at the mirror.

_snerk_

A glare sent at Kankuro caused him to rededicate his attention to his spider-puppet.

Temari tried again, trying to project sexiness and to be flirty.

"Is she constipated or something?" asked Gaara.

"She's trying to figure out how to seduce the Ninetailed Fox Carrier," said Kankuro helpfully.

"Oh," said Gaara, considering that. "Would it help if I threatened him with a Sand Coffin if he failed to take advantage of her?"

"Honestly, I think that might be..." Kankuro looked for a way to politely phrase this "...counter-productive."

"Do you mind?!" growled Temari.

Sand began slithering in through the window.

"Nevermind," said Temari, backing away from the window. "I've got to do this on my own, you know. It's my mission."

A minor ninja stuck his head in the doorway. "The seal just lit up. Uzumaki is on his way."

Temari let out a deep breath and decided on her approach to this assignment.

* * *

On meeting Naruto Uzumaki for the first time, Temari could sum up her reaction with a single word.

Underwhelmed.

Naruto turned out to be a sort of fox-ish look about him, though he had a typical lean musculature for a ninja. Young. Not especially cool or handsome or powerful-looking. He didn't seem to have great intellectual prowess, something she would have found intriguing as she LIKED smart. Probably because planning and cleverness was not a dominant trait in either of her brothers.

He had appeared in a dome of green or silver fire. It had been a minor interest in that she couldn't decide which it was, as if the color couldn't quite decide itself.

Still, there was a seriousness about him she hadn't expected. He was someone who had already been tried in combat.

The older guy with him she knew as well, by reputation. Jiraiya, one of Konoha's three Great Sages. He was the Toad Sage and supposedly easily distracted by feminine wiles, but quite formidable when he turned serious.

Gaara was looking on, interested, apparently having heard the stories himself. Temari noted this and decided to make a move now rather than have a certain bloodthirsty brother try his mettle against a Sage.

"So you're Naruto Uzumaki," said Temari, stepping forward and giving an obvious up-and-down scrutiny to Naruto. "I take it you know why I'm coming back with you?"

"Yeah, some sort of cross-training exercise with a member of the Sands Village operating with Leaf Village," said Naruto.

"And?" prompted Temari, who glanced at Jiraiya. Jiraiya shook his head once. Temari frowned at that, taking it to indicate that the engagement hadn't been mentioned for some reason.

"Learning something of sorcery or one of the other skills they practice back on Faerun, right?" asked Naruto.

"Something like that," said Temari, deciding that she was going to question people as to WHY the boy wasn't informed of that arrangement. Without that little tidbit, it was going to make her job all the harder.

Not that she wasn't up to it.

"Yes, this 'magic' ninjutsu I've heard of," said Temari. "I'll need to see something of it."

Naruto nodded and pointed at a trash can and said something that seemed to echo slightly in the air.

Temari watched as first dew formed on it, then the dew froze. When she touched the metal of the recycle bin, despite it being in the blazing sun they were used to in the Hidden Village Of Sand, it was extremely cold.

Temari considered that from the viewpoint of someone who'd lived in a desert all her life, with brief sojourns to areas that were more green. An emulated ice jutsu meant being able to gather moisture out of the air and provide cooling for people who'd been out in the sun too long. Both concerns she was well acquainted with.

The Kazekage appeared with his retinue, made a few comments that were political speak - indicating nothing of substance but just meant to mark this cooperation between rivals. Not that it couldn't all fall apart in minutes. When he got closer he leaned close in a manner to suggest he was giving encouragement.

"If you fail, I promised Gaara he could practice the Sandworm Bath technique," whispered the Kazekage, who then continued on his way. "Remember that."

* * *

"Uhm, sensei?" asked Naruto of Jiraiya. "Why did she just turn pure white, start sweating, and get an expression as if she was faced with a horror beyond anything sane?"

"I don't know," admitted Jiraiya. "I was just wondering that myself."

* * *

Temari slowly became aware that the two were waiting for her. Well, she'd show them! She'd show them all! She had rushed out last night and gotten a copy of ' _Sexy Kunoichi vol. 4: Leaf Shadow, Dragon's Coil_ ' to figure out her attack plan!

* * *

Jiraiya spotted the book that Temari was studying. He was even familiar with it.

It was one of his better sellers actually.

He hadn't remembered much of the dream that inspired it, falling down a rabbit hole and being confronted with a plaid cat being details that lingered. Yet when he'd put pen to paper, decided on the basics, and began writing - it had just FLOWED out. All writers got this at times, he'd met a few and they'd described that same creative flow. This had been incredible though. When he'd submitted it, the book had sold immediately and he'd ended up put in touch with the artist who would put in the occasional woodcut-style illustration.

Some of the suggestions from that artist had ended up in the two volumes which had followed.

Honey. One of several kunoichi in the overall story arc. The central character in the first three. A woman of a thousand disguises, who longed for a home and family that she could never have, and a jonin-level specialist in swordfighting with especially high marks in water ninjutsu. Who fought against an enemy named Zora who was the commander of the evil forces who had destroyed her village.

The fourth book (Sexy Kunoichi 4: Leaf Shadow, Dragon's Coil) took a character who'd interacted with Honey in all three books and thrust HER in the spotlight. A kunoichi of the Hidden Leaf Village, one who'd fought alongside Honey but been better at the seduction and infiltration end of things.

He was working on Sexy Kunoichi 5, or at least gathering the notes. Maybe a kunoichi of the Sand? That way he could do a book starring each of the Great Shinobi Nations, gather intel at the same time both on specific kunoichi and on the ninja villages involved, then...

Honey tended to end her adventures with a big explosion. Tisa had ended volume 4 with sliding among silk sheets while the boat she was on sailed away from the scene of her climatic battle. Have to go with something different. Maybe he should use the perfume and poison expert Najica for #5.

Yeah, that would work.

Honey was the heroine of the first three, and for continuity purposes he'd have her as a walk-on character during the events in the other novels, allowing him to then bring her in again later. Hmmm.

"So, about this team?" asked Temari eventually. "Standard three man team with a supervising jonin?"

"That's the plan, though I might not be around all the time for the jonin position," said Jiraiya. "I have my writing career to think of."

"Oh?" asked Temari, only half-listening. "What have you written?"

"Gutsy Ninja series, Make Out series, Sexy Kunoichi series," said Jiraiya, "a set of cookbooks for ninjas-on-the-go, and a children's book ' _Alone In A Crowd'_ which mainly deals with children growing up without parents. Like children of ninja whose parents were lost in one of the Ninja Wars. Things like that."

"Oh, I see," said Temari. "Wait. What?!"

"Yeah, I mean even I heard of him when he mentioned he's the one who wrote 'A Ninja's Life Is One Of Hardship (but you sure don't have to eat that way)' - THE on-the-road cookbook for ninja!" said Naruto. "Hinata even had a copy of that with her. She left it in the Realms in Candlekeep."

"Really?" said Jiraiya, considering how maybe there would be new markets for his work. Might have to check THAT out too. On thinking about it, it sounded even better. He might have to have Naruto drop him off in this other world so that he could see ~~what kind of beautiful women~~ what resources and politics this other world possessed.

"Yeah, some of those monks were using some spell to read that stuff, cause none of them speak the local language much less read it, and they were translating stuff that way," said Naruto, oblivious to the trouble brewing.

"Yes, the team to comprise of Naruto, Temari, and Hinata," said Jiraiya absently as he considered something else privately. "What about that maid you two picked up?"

"'Maid?'" asked Temari, wondering what else she didn't know about her mission.

"Drow elf named Ruby, I've tried to set her free but she refuses," said Naruto. "She comes from a really nasty culture. Once me and Hinata were staying at this tavern about a day's run from Candlekeep, and the waitress spilled some ale on me. I thought Ruby was gonna kill the waitress."

"She got angry about that?" asked Temari, who could see that happening.

"No!" said Naruto, frowning as he remembered. "I mean LITERALLY kill. She had the waitress by the hair and a knife across the gal's throat before we could stop her. That wasn't the only time too. We think we finally got her understanding things a little better though. I think we ought to have her around for a little while, just to keep an eye on her. Just in case."

"Who's 'Hinata' then?" asked Temari.

"She's a ninja with the Byakugan," said Naruto. "Really good with that too. Heck, you should have seen her when we were retook this dwarven citadel."

"A 'dwarven citadel'?" asked Temari, prompting for more details. It sounded as if the situation was VERY complicated.

"Yeah, we staged from this other place called Mithril Hall, met the King there, and we helped retake a dwarven citadel," said Naruto enthusiastically. "Hinata used her Byakugan to find secret passages and stuff, I used teleports to bring troops in behind the enemy lines once we got some ranger's animal companion to sneak back there with one of my target seals. It was a BIG fight."

"I see," said Temari, picturing it as a ninja war with retaking a village that had been overrun by another ninja clan. "And this 'Ruby' participated?"

"Yeah, actually, she stuck near Hinata for the most part," said Naruto as he tried to remember details. "So much was going on just then, but yeah, I think that's where she was. King Bruenor said he owed us, that we were a big help."

"I see," said Temari, figuring that Naruto might be as simple as he appeared - but probably had a number of useful skills including that bloodline ability of his.

"Oh yeah, if you're on the same team..." said Naruto, fiddling around in a pocket. "This might be handy."

Temari felt her eyes widen as she saw it. A ring of silver wire with three very shiny white gemstones. Not only was he offering her a RING, but it looked hideously expensive as well.

"What's that?" asked Jiraiya.

"Magic ring, we got a few things like that when we were taking the city back," said Naruto. "That one's got an enchantment on it that makes you more resistant to poisons."

Temari involuntarily staggered. It didn't keep her from snagging the ring she was being offered. Nor did it keep her from slipping it on a finger and frowning thoughtfully as she felt something flow out from the ring even as it seemed to adjust itself to fit on her finger, a brief prickly sensation that faded immediately. More expensive than she'd typically see from an S-class mission plus it gave her a useful benefit?!

Temari considered that as they walked through the village, and the possibility that the Kazekage had NOT been kidding about seeing possibilities out of this Naruto and his kekkei genkai. The potential value of this little gift? It would be fit for one of the feudal lords at the very least.

"So," not so subtly interjected Jiraiya. "Got anything for your sensei and team leader?"

"Not sure," said Naruto. "Hey, Hinata!"

Temari looked to see this girl, still trying to figure out whether this was a rival to her mission goal, someone to try and befriend in order to better accomplish that mission, or what.

The girl looked like the 'yamato nadesico' type. Temari stopped sneering the moment she realized she was doing it. The soft "little princess" type who'd collapse if you spoke harshly to her. No threat.

Past her though was obviously this "Ruby" they'd spoken of. Dark skin, made the more striking by hair that was a gleaming white. Red eyes that studied her while the owner of those eyes was facing in another direction. That she WAS being scrutinized as a potential threat and watched carefully for signs of aggression - Temari had no doubt of that. Temari actually thought, coloration and pointed ears to the side, that she saw something of herself in this other. A slight nod of that head indicated that this 'Ruby' recognized the same thing.

* * *

Ruby observed as she normally did. She was, as were the vast majority of drow, ultimately out for herself. That wasn't to say she wasn't loyal to Lady Hinata and Lord Naruto. Serving them had done well by her so far, and while she disagreed with them philosophically on a number of points she was pragmatic enough that she wasn't going to object. The two weren't likely to whip her, no matter how badly she performed, but certainly had let her know when she'd performed actions they didn't approve of. Sometimes very loudly. Honestly, it wasn't like she'd KILLED anyone!

This new girl on the other hand, had a quality of familiar cruelty about her. Someone who had signs of a tough life and the strength and ruthlessness to use whatever means necessary to reach her goals.

She would bear watching.

* * *

"Okay, and so WHY are we doing this?!" asked Naruto.

  
**Team Jiraiya**  
Naruto Uzumaki  
Hinata Hyuga  
Temari of the Sand  
Ruby (support)

"Politics," said Jiraiya.

"Well, get the politics to do the work," complained Naruto.

"Heh," said Temari, agreeing with the sentiment. Even if she knew how impossible that generally was.

"If only it were that easy," said Jiraiya.

Sasuke Uchiha looked over, seemed to consider half a dozen negative comments, then just inclined his head in greeting.

"Hey!" said Naruto in reply. "How's your team working out?"

"Pfeh," said Sasuke, turning away and walking off to brood.

  
**Team Kakashi**  
Sasuke Uchiha  
Sakura Haruno  
Shinobu of the Leaf

"Uh, right," said Naruto.

"I take it things are not going well with that group?" asked Temari.

"Sasuke is a very focussed, very top-scoring," said Jiraiya, pausing as he searched for the word.

"Anal retentive vengeance-obsessed ninja," said Kiba as he stepped closer. "Kinda talented though. I guess."

  
**Team Kurenai**  
Kiba Inuzaka  
Shino Aburame  
Misao Makimachi

"All of them?" asked Naruto. "I don't know I can DO this many at once. Even when I was transporting the dwarves and their equipment I had to make several trips."

"It does seem fairly excessive," said Jiraiya.

"As I understand it," said Kiba. "Word got out that there was one group to accompany you. Then more people got the word."

"Arf," said Akamaru.

Kiba nodded in response to whatever Akamaru had just said.

"What he say?" asked Naruto.

"Dogs can't talk," said Temari dismissively.

"Oh, Akamaru just said that 'chaos has a tendency to accumulate' or something like that," said Kiba.

Akamaru rolled his eyes and gave a half-growl/half-whine.

Temari blinked and wondered if she'd just imagined that. Couldn't be, right?

Naruto grumbled a bit but finally asked the obvious question. "Where am I supposed to go with all these?"

"They didn't tell you?" asked Kiba, surprised.

"Word came down this morning that a group from the 'Realms' had a mission, and the decision was to give it to some group other than ours," said Jiraiya. "I'm a little surprised that word spread so quickly."

"I just got back from the Sand Village," complained Naruto.

"Huh," said Kiba. "What I heard was that they wanted more than one team to check out these groups."

"So what's the mission?" asked Naruto, glancing at Jiraiya.

"Oh," said Jiraiya, trying not to think of various opportunities. "They wanted a ninja team to be guest participants for an eating contest... oh. That explains why half the village wants in."

* * *

"We have to hurry!" said Asuma, having to hang back with the rest of his team.

"Whatta pain," complained Shikamaru. "We just got done with catching rats." His voice conveyed what a pain he thought the whole thing had been.

"Is it a cool mission?" asked Ino.

"Can't we just stop," complained Choji.

"We have to get back to the village right away or we'll miss this opportunity," said Asuma. "If you don't WANT this mission."

Seeing as their leader had finally stopped, everyone else did too. Choji taking the opportunity to flop down and open a bag of chips.

"What's the hurry anyway? What was in that message?" asked Shikamaru.

"A mission that involves several teams, including Team 7," said Asuma.

"Sasuke?!" said Ino, straightening and looking much more enthusiastic.

"Some sort of joint exercise?" asked Shikamaru.

"Naruto Uzumaki learned he has a kekkei genkai - a teleport ability," began Asuma.

"Yeah, we heard the rumors, some kind of other world?" asked Shikamaru, wondering if they had a nice quiet spot where he could simply sit back and watch the clouds.

"Yes, and apparently this kingdom has asked for representitives from our world to be judges in a food contest," said Asuma, looking out of the corner of his eyes at Choji who HAD been the slowest of the group.

"A what?" asked Choji as he momentarily stopped munching chips.

"Specifically, an eating contest," said Asuma. "They've apparently got this old traditional contest dealing with food and drink and such. They want to get to know their new trading partners in such contests and there's supposed to be a great prize for the winner."

"An EATING contest?" asked Choji, disbelief showing on his features.

"Yeah, but we'd have to get back to the village in a couple of hours at most," said Asuma.

"Well, WHAT ARE WE WAITING FOR?!" yelled Choji, charging off.

"That was cruel," said Shikamaru as the sounds of crashing vegetation receded into the distance.

"But effective and true," said Asuma.

* * *

Sasuke Uchiha was not happy.

Normally he was vengeance-obsessed but that was more a matter of moment-to-moment with normal moods in between periods of brooding over the need to avenge his clan by killing his brother. Didn't mean he couldn't have an amusing moment, enjoy the occasional banana crepe from that vendor across town, or feel the pleasure of mastering a new jutsu. It just meant that he'd return to brooding over vengeance and loss as a sort of base-normal for him.

This was different.

The girls surrounding him had gradually dissipated and he just had to worry about two obsessive types. One of whom was on the team with him.

Then there was the other girl. Shinobu. Prior to being teamed with Shinobu, he would have thought Naruto was the number one knucklehead ninja of the village. The Village Idiot - someone had called him once. Naruto would have been preferable, especially with the Teleport technique.

That Shinobu typically deflected Sakura's advances because the ditzy kunoichi was interested in Sakura for herself was only enough to make Shinobu slightly more tolerable. That they had had two missions so far and had... what was the term the Hokage had used? Oh yes, 'bollixed things up right royally' - that was the phrase.

They had been sent to get the Lord Of Fire's Mistress' cat and bring it back alive. NOT blow the cat up. The bills involved had further removed things from the 'Mission Successfully Completed' category to such a point that it was likely to become an example in how NOT to proceed with a rescue/retrieval operation.

No, Sasuke Uchiha was not a happy ninja at all.

He was watching curiously as Naruto began the technique, a spark appearing between his steepled forefingers expanding outward to a bubble that surrounded them. He ignored the way Shinobu squealed in mock-fright to cling to (and not incidently grope) Sakura. He also ignored the way Sakura growled and tried to pry the affectionate leech off of her.

"You two ought to knock that off," said Kakashi in his habitual slouch. "We ARE representing the village and our Nation."

"Speak for yourself," said a blonde girl he didn't know.

"Well, you're representing your own village and nation," said Kakashi with a little shrug.

Sasuke watched, a little fascinated despite himself, as the scenery outside the dome shifted and blurred and then was gone. Several things were obvious to him. One being that the 'dome' was actually a sphere.They were standing on... nothing. With nothing outside the dome.

The silver and green fire was harder to figure out. What color exactly was it?

Then both were gone and they were elsewhere with Naruto drawing deep breaths and the two teams taking the opportunity to spread out.

"Naruto will have to make the next trip when he's had a chance to catch his breath," noted Kakashi.


	3. Northstar Naruto

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fusing "Fist of the Northstar" and "Naruto" with a few gratuitous expies adjusted for the setting.

**Another Fistful Of Omake**

by Greylle

DISCLAIMER: Original series belong to someone else.  
NOTE: The following are just ideas that are not currently being pursued. Anyone wanting to use or continue them are welcome to, just credit me for the initial twist OK?

chapter three: Northstar fragment

You can see chapter 2 of these omake for the events prior to the start here. The divergence is the first paragraph.

 _I'll have to flash teach you,_ said the voice with a hint of regret. The unconscious Hinata remained unconscious. Naruto remained largely oblivious. Oh well, this was just setup for what would hopefully be humorous. _Sadly, there's no time for the usual insanely-painful-yet-strangely-effective training methods usually used for it. As to the name, it's called Hokuto Shin Ken, substyle Ujo Ken. Do you mind if I laugh evilly here?_

"Actually, yeah, that's kinda creepy," said Naruto.

_Oh. Pity about that. I thought it was suitably dramatic._

"I don't get it," complained Naruto. "Why does she keep passing out?"

_Do you really want to understand?_

"What kind of question is that?" asked Naruto. "Of course!"

_Fine. This is just one of a potential set of futures. It answers the question though, because she finally says it herself._

"Huh? What?" asked Naruto.

FLASH!

* * *

He was in the ruins of the village and felt the searing agony as Pain thrust another chakra sword through his body. The pain and sense of violation were absolute as the enemy stood close and regarded him through those odd eyes.

"Don't you dare give up! Jiraiya and Pa gave their lives because they believed in you!" yelled some frog. "I'll never forgive you if you give up now!"

"Noisy frog!" declared Pain, blasting the protesting frog away.

"You bastard!" Naruto felt his mouth say as he tried to move and protest. If he could just get some leverage maybe.

"It's time for us to go," said Pain, holding out a hand and gathering power again.

He saw her then. Hinata. Older and dressed differently. Leaping to his defense, deflecting the attack that would have finished him off.

Pain slid to a stop to regard the girl who'd knocked him aside. "Reinforcements, eh?"

"I won't let you lay another finger on Naruto!" declared Hinata.

"What're you doing here?" asked Naruto as he tensed and loosened muscles around the blades and tried to work them loose. "Get out of here! You're no match-"

"I know," said Hinata, her voice shaking slightly before she got it back under control. "I'm just being selfish."

"What are you talking about? What are you doing here? It's dangerous!" Naruto felt one of the blades loosen, increasing the amount of wiggle he could use against the others.

"I'm here of my own free will," said Hinata. "I used to always cry and give up. I nearly went the wrong way. But you. You showed me the right way. I was always chasing you. Wanting to overtake you. I just wanted to walk with you. I wanted to be with you. You changed me! Your smile saved me! So I'm not afraid to die protecting you."

Naruto saw her glance back and knew suddenly. She knew with that Byakugan that he was getting loose. She was buying him time.

"Because I love you," said Hinata, charging forward. "HA! Gentle Step Twin Lion Fists!"

"Shinra Tensei!" attacked Pain before she could complete the attack.

Naruto watched as Pain stepped forth and thrust down with another chakra blade, twisting it cruelly into the fallen Hinata before he straightened and faced Naruto again.

* * *

"She..." said Naruto, staring at the girl on the bed.

_Is largely so shy because her father continually shreds what little self-pride she might have had at one time,_ answered the voice. _She lacks much of a killer instinct. She hesitates to hurt others. Which is not what her father desired of an heir so he adopted that tactic to toughen her up. It backfired._

"She... what?" asked Naruto, surprised when he realized he felt tears tracking down. "She... loves me?"

_He also holds Hinata responsible for the death of his brother, though he understands intellectually that it wasn't her fault. She was just being kidnapped by Kumogakure agents who wanted the Byakugan._

"She's been hurting all this time, and..." Naruto looked at the paleskinned girl then down at his own hands. "What do I need to do? Whatever it is, I'll do it."

_Very well then,_ said the voice. _This is going to hurt._

"It's going to hurt? Hasn't she been hurt enough?" asked Naruto.

_Not her. You. Your body is going to undergo some massive changes as you go through fifteen years of intensive training in five seconds. Without help from me, even your recuperative powers wouldn't keep you alive. Are you ready?_

"I was born ready!" said Naruto.

_Remember then. You asked for this._

launching Character Editor 3.1

Character One: Naruto Uzumaki . . . . . . . . . Character Two: Toki  
Copying basic martial arts  
Copying Hokuto Shinken lvl 1 (basic)  
Copying Hokuto Shinken lvl 2 (intermediate)  
Copying Hokuto Shinken lvl 3 (advanced)  
Copying general physique type - Hokutoverse advanced martial artist  
Activating Blend tool.  
Personality meshing complete.  
Knowledge of advanced medical-ninjutsu modified by Hokuto Shinken usage.  
Advanced pressure point/chakra seduction genjutsu set downloaded.  
Saving file.

Naruto's eyes widened, rolled up in his head, and he fainted.

Naturally he landed right across Hinata who woke up and wondered how Naruto-kun had gotten so much heavier. Which she noted as she tried to roll him OFF of her.

When she shifted him just enough that he began sliding, she felt a moment of joy.

When he stopped sliding off the bed and was facedown on her crotch she was sufficiently mortified that she fainted again.

_well, that was amusing for a moment or two_ commented someone in the guise of a Demon Fox.

* * *

Naruto woke up, stretched out, and then began to work.

He checked her vitals, used his knowledge of tsubo to stimulate blood flow and speed recovery, and then just looked down at the now-comfortably resting Hinata.

He'd been alone for so long. Chasing after Sakura, rivaling with Sasuke, playing the clown. All to fill that void. And here was someone who had, in the possible future he'd seen, confessed her love for him. That she'd apparently loved him a long time.

How did that make him feel?

He'd always thought of her as weird. Always staring at him, always fainting at odd times. He'd checked and determined that at least part of that was likely low blood pressure. Well, he could correct that with a little work.

Oh, and that her father apparently ripped her self-esteem to shreds on a regular basis. That was right.

Naruto brushed an errant strand of hair from the girl's face. He'd seen her in that future. He'd felt the chakra blades in his own flesh and knew what a violation that was. So the girl who'd confessed her love to him had been struck down, violated, and killed in front of him in that future.

TO HELL WITH THAT!

Naruto then simply walked to one section of bare wall and punched it. A tiny crack began spreading, eventually crumbling inward. He stepped through the hole.

"You can't go through here!" declared some ninja as they leapt forward.

"WA-TA-TA-TA-TA!" answered Naruto. "You are already asleep."

"Huh wha?" asked one of the ninja before falling over like his comrades.

Another wall fell before another rap of one fist.

He finally found the appropriate room.

Naruto began cracking his knuckles. "You are Hinata's father?"

"I am," said an older man who practically radiated disapproval.

"I have it on good authority that you discount my abilities," said Naruto, noting that the other shinobi in the room were getting out of the direct line between himself and the Hyuga clan head. Ninjas with a survival instinct, how... useful. "That you don't value your daughter."

"Hanabi? Of course, I value Hanabi," said the Hyuga. The faint smirk indicated he was probably being deliberately obtuse.

"Oh, this can't end well," said a shaggy-haired one-eye-showing ninja.

Kakashi could only keep his Sharingan going for short periods before exhaustion set in.

He was wondering if it was on the fritz right now.

The moment he'd switched it on, the room had faded out. He was now staring at the night sky, except it completely surrounded him. Over there was where Hiashi Hyuga stood. Over there...

Naruto stood, looming at least three sizes larger. Behind him glowed the stars of the big dipper.

Hiashi was limned by a thin white glow.

Naruto had a blue-white glow that sent little streamers and embers off.

Closing his Sharingan, Kakashi looked again. Just Naruto facing off against Hiashi Hyuga.

"I'll put down a small bet on Naruto," murmurred Jiraiya.

"I don't think I'll take that bet," responded Kakashi equally quietly.

* * *

"If I win, I will take Hinata as my pupil and teach her some of my fighting style," said Naruto. "With her Gentle Fist combined with my training, even you will have to admit her worth. I will also make sure she is allowed to train as a medic-nin."

"Ha!" said Hiashi Hyuga, who couldn't possibly admit in front of his small squad of followers much less the other leaders and the jonin that he'd been largely dismissive of Hinata's talents. "The Gentle Fist is a supreme style practiced by Byakugan users. Your weak style cannot improve upon it."

"Wanna bet?" asked Naruto, cracking his knuckles.

"Certainly," said Hiashi, seeing Hinata poking her head around the corner behind Naruto. "If you can beat ME, not only can you take Hinata as a pupil. I'll have her delivered giftwrapped."

"'Giftwrapped'?" asked Naruto, not having expected that.

"Pink ribbon and a bow," said Hiashi contemptously.

Hinata suddenly pictured herself tied up in pink ribbon at the center of a large gift basket and presented to Naruto. She had the expected reaction. _SPURT! THUD!_

Well, maybe hardly anyone expected her to have a nosebleed before she fainted.

"You all have witnessed this?" asked Naruto, with considerable more calm and control than anyone who knew him really expected.

"I have no doubt about the outcome of this," said Hiashi. "If I win, you will simply be driven like the cur you are from our village."

Naruto's eyes narrowed just a bit, but he nodded an acceptance to the terms.

"Begin!" declared Hiashi, dropping into a stance. "Byakugan... what the hell?"

Kakashi had no doubt that Hiashi was now seeing the same starscape he'd seen with the Sharingan. And had dropped his guard ever so slightly because of it. Which took the slight chance Kakashi had been willing to give the Hyuga clan head and tossed it to the wind.

Naruto simply drew his arms in, took a deep breath, and released it all at once. "HA!"

_THWAM!_

Jiraiya blinked and waited for Hiashi to unpeel himself from the wall. Looking closer revealed that the only thing showing of the Hyuga clan head's eyes were the whites. "A shove using a wall of chakra? Hmmm."

"HOW DARE YOU STRIKE LORD HYUGA!" said one of the Hyuga accountants, charging up to Naruto and yelling at him from point blank range.

"If I wanted to hear from an asshole, I would have farted," said Naruto, looking down at the retainer.

"NA-NANI?!" said the accountant, clearly outraged beyond all sensibility.

Kakashi noted Jiraiya was writing that line down and would probably incorporate it in one of his books.

"GET HIM!" yelled the accountant.

_Toink!_ went one of Naruto's fingers, apparently penetrating the accountant's skull to the second knuckle.

_Gurgle_ went the accountant's midsection.

"The Watery Bowels Of Hell Point Strike," said Naruto. "It is the fitting end for you."

"AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" screamed the accountant as he ran off in search of a bathroom.

"He's not going to die, is he?" asked the Hokage as he checked Hiashi and found that the Hyuga clan head was out cold. Out any colder and he'd be in a coma.

"No," said Naruto with that cold seriousness for a moment before flashing his usual cocky grin. "He'll just be wishing that for a few more hours."

"We must avenge Lord Hyuga!" said one of the other retainers.

"Why?" asked another retainer, scratching his head. It HAD been a formal challenge after all. "Where have I seen pink ribbon on sale?"

"But he..." said the first retainer, then realized that Naruto was seeming to loom larger in the room. "I think I know where I can find a tailor supply shop. We need to get on that as soon as we get Lord Hyuga home and comfortable."

* * *

Naruto sighed as he hefted a bag of cup ramen. Yeah, it wasn't nearly as good as the ones that Ichiraku made. There was something to be said for cheap enough to be able to buy lots.

He noticed the little boy in the street. He noticed the twelve ninja waiting to pounce. What he wasn't too sure of - were they after him or the kid? Or was it that bushy-browed kid coming down the road?

"GET HIM! FOR THE PRIDE OF THE HYUGA CLAN!"

Nice of them to clarify that point for him.

Hmmm. Twelve ninja all leaping into the air. Four throwing kunai. One had a staff. One was using nunchaku. Another had a pair of sai. The rest were holding onto their kunai.

"AH TAH!" Punch in the face with one hand, take the staff away with the other.

Naruto spun his captured staff, deflecting the thrown kunai away from him and the kid - managing to send most of them at the sai wielder and two of the kunai wielders.

At which point he could see some of them still in midleap but beginning to realize something had gone very wrong.

"TOH!" Spin the staff around, point snapping into the breastbone of one retainer.  
"AH-TAH!" Spin again, bashing the end into another retainer's face.  
"CHA!" Back around, plant one end, and let the lead retainer take the other end in the solar plexus. Drop staff.  
"WAH TATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATA!"

Wait for falling bodies to hit the ground.

"Whoaaaaaaaaa," said the little boy.

"I thank you," said Naruto, "you volunteer to test out my new technique."

_ka-krak ka-krak_

The bushy browed boy finished running up. "What are you doing?"

"Something I thought of on the way here," said Naruto, walking from one to another of the fallen ninja and striking each once. "Hokuto Shinken is about manipulating someone else's chakra. Their internal energies and such. Well-"

_BA-BAMF!_ went a massive transformation jutsu.

"Still needs work," said Naruto. "I wanted to see if I could force them to do my 'Sexy Jutsu' but all they are is fat chicks."

"Interesting," said the boy, eyeing someone who might well be a new rival.

"You're wearing heavy weights around your arms and legs," noted Naruto.

The boy's eyes widened. "You can tell?"

"Yeah," said Naruto. "Can you tell me where to get them? I could use a supply myself."

* * *

Naruto closed the door behind him and came to a complete stop on seeing his bed.

That there was a girl on it was unusual and unexpected. That she was mummified below the nose in pink ribbon, with little bows, moved it to completely bizarre. On seeing the two lavender eyes blinking at him from under the mop of blue-black hair merely pushed it over the top.

"I guess the weird runs in the family," mumbled Naruto as he took his jacket off.

"MFFF?!" asked Hinata, who was really wishing that Naruto would get to unwrapping her soon. Especially as the bridge of her nose was itchy and she couldn't reach it. Though the greater musculature on Naruto looked awfully good.

"Hmmm?" asked Naruto, then flexed. "Oh. Yeah. I been working out. Like it?"

"Mmmmm," answered Hinata, her pale skin turning scarlet.

"Well, now. I had planned on teaching you some of the style after school tomorrow," said Naruto, kicking his shoes to the appropriate area as he moved to put his jacket up. "Though tomorrow is the day we get our pictures taken and then the next day we're sorted into teams."

"Mmmhmmm," said Hinata, now wondering when Naruto was going to untie her.

"Hmmmm," said Naruto, considering things.

* * *

_morning:_  
Sakura Haruno was scowling the moment she ran into her Best Friend And Number One Rival, who met her scowl in equal measure.

"Ino," said Sakura.

"Sakura," said Ino.

"Hmph," said Sakura and Ino together.

"As Member #37 of the Legion of Sasuke Fangirls," proclaimed Sakura, "I will not lose!"

"As Member #36 of the Legion of Sasuke Fangirls," proclaimed Ino at the same time, "I will not lose!"

"Hmph," said Sakura and Ino together, looking in opposite directions.

"Ha," said Ino and Sakura together, glaring at each other.

"STOP DOING THAT!" shouted Ino and Sakura at each other simultaneously.

"Today is the day that the heavens shall bless my joining with Sasuke as part of a three man team!" said Ino. "Behold my new jutsu!" _Ka thwak!_

"Rose kunai?" asked Sakura as Ino managed to put a longstemmed red rose into a wall.

"Indeed," said Ino with a certain degree of pride and a smaller degree of uncertainty. "Heaven must have rewarded me for my diligence. It's a PERFECT technique for me."

"Yeah, for anyone who works in a flower shop, that's a pretty good technique," admitted Sakura. She hated to admit it, REALLY hated to admit that to Ino, but it WAS a pretty good technique to add amongst those of the Yamanaka clan.

"I haven't perfected it yet, there's some advanced techniques that I might be able to snag someone's shadow with a rose and pin them to the spot," admitted Ino. "Haven't managed that yet."

"Oh yeah," said Sakura. "Well, I've got an advanced jutsu too!"

"Really?" asked Ino. Well, that made sense didn't it? If SHE had a new technique, her rival had to have one too. Though she'd hoped to preen a little more about it.

"Yeah, and... oh my gosh the TIME!" _zing!_

"Huh?" asked Ino before noticing the time herself. "AGH!" _zoom!_

* * *

Iruka sighed as everyone else filed in. There would be questions but for now there was the team assignments.

There was some muttering from a small group around Kiba who had a flyer in his hands.

Since he'd seen a similar flyer, and knew it had to do with the engagement of Naruto Uzumaki to Hinata Hyuga - he had a feeling he'd have to quiet down the class a few times when either of those two came in.

Then the team assignments, which had been the cause of several arguments late last night. The two old 'advisors' and Danzo all argued one way. The Hokage and most everyone else had argued the other. For now though, the Hokage had his way - and Naruto would NOT lead a life in a cage the way those three on the councilhad been arguing for years now.

* * *

Sasuke Uchiha frowned as he listened to the nattering of people about inconsequential trivia. Which was the usual case with things that these others did.

After the past few years, with that damn Uncle Genma showing up, he'd had to learn to monitor that idiocy. Keep at least one ear open in case a new problem was to be foisted off on himself.

He didn't know, but he certainly suspected, that the new Firebird Fist technique had been snuck onto him by Naruto. Not that he considered Naruto a rival or a friend or a brother or anything like that. An annoyance, yes. An idiot, mostly. Having some talent for causing trouble, definitely. Someone who pulled off stupid-yet-bizarrely-impressive pranks, oh yes.

Take last year with that 'clown car jutsu' for example. Those horse-drawn carriages were expensive and nobody had quite been sure what he'd been talking about with calling it a 'car' or some jutsu that had occurred to him overnight. A trip to a beach, sand and sun and surf, on a day away from school? Preposterous. They'd never be able to afford something like that as students.

He'd managed it though. Sasuke had even figured out HOW fairly quickly. Just a larger application of the technique they all used to overstuff pouches with their ninja equipment. With their money pooled like that, they'd all gone to the beach and had a day of ninja training in bathing suits.

He himself had found a rock out in the surf to go brood on, mainly to get away from all the girls who'd been trying to get him to look at their swimsuits.

Or that bit with the lantern, Sasuke had experienced his first moment of doubt that Naruto was an idiot over that one. You used a genjutsu technique to give a sandal the appearance of a lantern. You turned it on in a darkened room so you could see things. But... no. He wasn't going there again. It gave some of the experienced ninja headaches as they started following THAT problem.

So he had the Firebird Fist jutsu. Breathing flame out, binding it to a form that was stable for a short time, then sending it off with a leash of chakra so that you could direct it around corners and the like. DAMN useful. Actually kind of beautiful if you let yourself see it that way. A small bird of flame.

Now, somehow, Naruto (the loudest student) had gotten engaged to Hinata (the most quiet student) on sorting day.

A slight increase in noise was the cue for Sasuke to turn his head slightly. Naruto and Hinata were entering together. Hinata trying to hide (nothing unusual there) but Naruto was more subdued than was usual as well.

And taller and broader shouldered? Must be a henge.

Returning his pose to studied indifference, Sasuke continued to listen.

"So how?!" asked one of the girls.

"Her father has a stick up his butt," complained Naruto. "He made a bet. He lost. He wanted me to prove my taijutsu skills. I did."

"So it's just some kind of honor thing then? Well, that makes sense," said another girl. "You can get out of it, right Hinata?"

"She can get out of it anytime she wants to," said Naruto. "She can stay in it as long as she likes."

"Th-that's right," mumbled Hinata.

Sasuke heard a couple of exclamations and snuck a peek out of the corner of his eye. Hinata had leaned into Naruto, and as he watched Naruto put an arm around her shoulders in an obviously protective gesture.

He turned back to the front of the classroom, working over what he'd seen and heard. Hiashi Hyuga was known as a formidable user of the Gentle Fist style. Naruto had probably flashed him with that Sexy Jutsu to throw the older guy off balance then took the opening. So technically a win, but it wouldn't hold up.

On the other hand, just that move initiated by Hinata indicated that there was something going on there.

Honestly, Sasuke wished Naruto all the luck there. At least that would be one less girl for him to worry about.

* * *

Iruka had started with the various groups, going through some of the minor students first. Ones that didn't show any special talents one way or the other, who probably would never make it past gennin level. He wasn't much of a showman though, and he didn't see any real reason to build suspense.

"Team 7 under Kakashi Hatake. Sasuke Uchiha, Sakura Haruno-"

"YESSSSSSSSSSS!" yelled Sakura as she jumped up and pumped one fist.

Sasuke simply facepalmed and groaned.

Iruka frowned and looked directly at Sakura until she sat back down. "ahem. Ino Yamanaka."

"YEAHHHHHHHHH!" yelled Ino as she jumped up from her own chair.

"why me?" muttered Sasuke, beating his head lightly against his desk. "why? what did i ever do to deserve this?"

"Team 8," hurried on Iruka. "Your jonin will be Yuhi Kurenai. Hinata Hyuga, Naruto Uzumaki, and Kiba Inuzuka."

* * *

"Today is the day I'm going to steal Sasuke-kun's first kiss," had been Sakura's declaration when awakening.

On finding herself on the same ninja team as her beloved Sasuke, Sakura's heart had gone soaring.

On finding that Ino was also on the same team, Sakura's glee turned to jealousy. Sasuke was HERS damnit!

"this can't be right," muttered Iruka-sensei. "this is just asking for trouble."

She had arrived late with Ino, and she'd noted that the Obstacle (named Naruto) was no longer blocking the end of the aisle she'd use to approach Sasuke. That was as far as her concern in that regard went.

"Hey, Sakura, how's it going?" came that annoying voice.

"What is it now?" growled Sakura. This annoying boy always coming around... hey, how come he was taller? Oh who cared?

"i'm supposed to be a brooding loner consumed by his need for vengeance," mumbled Sasuke. "why do i keep getting problems like this?"

"uhm," said the annoyance, "anyway, Sakura. I just wanted to wish you luck."

"Fine, now go away," said Sakura, bouncing an empty can of coffee off Naruto's face, "I have to plan how to claim Sasuke's lips." Maybe THIS time he'd get the hint and leave her alone.

"YOU?! Fat chance," said Ino, butting in immediately. "Sasuke, and his lips, are MINE."

"I just want to go off and kill my brother, is that too much to ask?" muttered Sasuke. "why me?"

"Naruto?" asked Hinata, standing next to their new teammate Kiba.

"Uhm, yeah, later," said Naruto, taking a single glance back at Sakura as he turned to leave with Hinata.

"Naruto!" declared Sasuke, standing abruptly up. "I'm coming with you!"

"WHA?!" went most of the class.

"Yeah, I..." began Sasuke, leaping forward and finding the coffee can Sakura had just discarded underfoot. Causing his leap to go off a bit differently than planned. "Agh!"

Naruto looked down at where Sasuke was apparently kissing Hinata on the floor. "Uhm? Sasuke? That's my fiancee."

"AAAAAAAAAAAA!" yelled several different girls.

* * *

"Erk," said Hinata as she fainted.

"Uhm, I hadn't intended that," admitted Sasuke.

"I know," said Naruto with a frown. "When she wakes up, you'll owe her an apology."

"NO NO NO!" said one of the other girls in the Sasuke fanclub. "SHE should apologize to HIM. She stole his first kiss!"

"That's right, that's right," said one of the other girls, folding her arms in front of her and nodding. "That's only common sense."

"Annoying," muttered Sasuke.

"Yeah," said Naruto with a glance back at Sakura. Then he simply gathered his fiancee up in his arms. "Later, Sasuke. C'mon Kiba. We can wait for our team leader outside."

* * *

Kurenai Yuhi knew what to expect. She was familiar with the history of Hinata Hyuga.

She hadn't been sure what to make of the engagement, particularly after seeing the Hyuuga head looking as if he'd gotten smashed into a wall or something.

Actually, she hadn't been there at that time, and had some problems accepting that NARUTO had apparently done it - but that WAS apparently what had happened.

She was a genjutsu specialist, and that was an area her current group was lacking in. Hinata's Byakugan specialized in finding things and getting information. Kiba was a combination of information and close combat. Naruto - close combat with the just-demonstrated taijutsu skills and his Shadow Clone talent.

Which meant that they were lacking a long to midrange combat talent, but would excel when finding things or tracking things were the mission objectives.

She was still turning the ideas on approaches and training over in her head as she approached her team.

"...faints a lot..." was Naruto's voice, the fragment carried over the distance by the wind.

"...don't know..." was Kiba's voice. "...low blood sugar or something?"

"Maybe," said Naruto, though his voice indicated doubt. "How do you know about that sort of thing anyway?"

"Hey, my sister's a veterinarian," answered Kiba. "I've had to help out in her clinic a few times. You?"

"Part of my studies of tsubo," said Naruto. "I'm studying any medic-nin texts I can get my hands on. Having a backup medic could be pretty useful."

Kurenai stopped a few feet away, appraising Naruto now in a new light.

If she didn't know better, she'd have thought him a serious student. A serious student who had Hinata's head in her lap and had apparently missed that she'd woken up at some point and...

Considering the home life she'd seen for Hinata, Yuhi really doubted that the girl smiled and looked that content all that often.

"Okay, you three," said Kurenai. She had to get things started, but she found herself reluctant to interrupt. For one thing, it was revealing aspects of the two males that had NOT been apparent from the dossiers both had accumulated. "We're going to have a training exercise."

"What? We've had tons of those at the Academy," protested Kiba.

"Hang on," said Naruto. "I get what Kurenai-sensei's after. She wants to see 'em first hand, right?"

"That's part of the answer," said Kurenai, wondering when Naruto had gotten a brain transplant. Certainly if you looked at his academic record, one got the impression that he had some significant gaps in intellectual prowess. "Hinata?"

Reluctant, VERY reluctant apparently, Hinata moved from her current position to sit up. "Because you haven't seen how we can operate as a team?"

"Easy there," said Naruto, putting one arm across her shoulders because she looked a little unsteady.

Hinata flashed crimson, ducked her head, and looked inanely happy about nothing in particular.

"So, you're going to train her in some martial arts style you've worked out?" asked Kurenai of Naruto.

"Yeah," said Naruto. "It's not a style for general dissemination though."

"Then you might not want to use it in front of Sasuke Uchiha or Kakashi," said Kurenai Yuhi. "Their Sharingan technique allows them to copy martial arts styles. Now, follow me. We'll have the test and then I can plan out how to further your training from there if you pass."

"We have to 'pass'?" grumbled Kiba.

"Yip," yapped Akamaru.

"I s'pose," said Kiba.

"What did he say?" asked Naruto, curious.

"Oh, just that 'life itself is a test and the life of a ninja even more so,'" said Kiba. "Sometimes he gets awfully philosophical."

Kurenai glanced at the dog, then shook her head. Okay, there were apparently LOTS of things not in the official records.

* * *

"Who decided this setup?" asked Sasuke Uchiha. The 'truce' between Ino and Sakura had lasted until the two had introduced themselves to the Jonin named Kakashi.

Kakashi nodded as he stood next to the Uchiha heir as the two of them watched the spectacle of two... now three... err four girls now in the process of a fight in which taijutsu was NOT displayed.

Five girls? Six?! Seven?! Okay, what was that girl from the takiyoki stand doing in there?

"Truly, the name Legion of Sasuke Fangirls is appropriate," said an old man from the sidelines.

Hairpulling - check.  
Cheekstretching - check  
Slapping - check.  
Kicking/punching/etcetera - BIG check.

Martial arts manuevers were NOT being displayed.

"Would you all just STOP this?" asked Sasuke. "This is SO annoying. And embarassing."

The group ignored him, even if he WAS the cause of all this. Clothes were being ripped. The gathering audience, which was still occasionally broken by yet another fangirl showing up, declaring that Sasuke's lips were hers to claim (or some similar sentiment) and charging into the fray.

"Hmmm, very bad," said Jiraiya, showing up for some unknown reason.

"Aren't they a bit young for you to show up?" asked Kakashi.

"True," admitted Jiraiya. "As this is research for a book, I may just be able to work it into a scene."

"Oh?" said Kakashi, thinking it sounded more intriguing that way.

"Can I be transferred to another team?" asked Sasuke. "They'll just hold me back."

"I suppose we ought to put an end to this," said Kakashi, clearing his voice. "Excuse me? You. All. Fail! That is all."

The fighting suddenly stopped. Sasuke couldn't help but notice that Sakura had Megumi in a headlock, who was throttling Satsuki, who was pulling the cheeks of Ino, who had her foot buried in Sakura's backside. Beyond that, it was entirely too tangled to tell what body part belonged to whom.

"What?!" asked the crowd.

"I'm only supposed to oversee the test for Team 7, but I'm recommending that everyone here NOT have to go back to the Academy. No, I think it would be better if you were banned from being a ninja altogether." Kakashi shrugged and then simply walked away.

"WHAT?!" yelled the tangle of bodies.

"Hey," said Sasuke.

"I'll ask," said Jiraiya. "Maybe we can find you another team. You didn't directly participate."

"Absolutely not," agreed Sasuke.

"On the other hand you WERE the cause," said Jiraiya, continuing on. "It'll be a first. I don't think I've ever seen this situation come up."

* * *

"So we get a mission for our test?" said Kiba as he walked along with Akamaru sitting atop his head. "Cool."

"We'll see how well you do before I assign any title of 'cool'," said Yuhi.

"So, can we get any details?" asked Naruto. He eyed Hinata casually as they walked. Yuhi had casually mentioned that Hinata had a problem with self-confidence. So he could check when they came to a rest, there being a pressure point to counteract such things.

"Why?" asked Yuhi.

"You're not going to tell us?" asked Hinata. "We have to go in blind?"

"No, the test has already started," answered Yuhi.

"Oh," said Hinata with a nod. "I see."

"Hmph," said Naruto, looking confused. "Well, we got to work out battleplans and such. Figure out what everyone's gonna do and how to do it."

"I see," said Yuhi. So they WERE planning on reacting as a team. "The mission is some bandits in the hills to the West. Big guys with really bad haircuts is all the description I have to go on."

* * *

"Okay, in summary," said the Hokage to the assembled jonin. "We all turned a blind eye to the Legion Of Sasuke Fangirls at first. Just young girls acting like young girls. With time though, they've gotten worse."

"Much much worse," agreed Azuma, who despite all his experience as a ninja - was looking on with horror at the picture-book that was one of several on the table.

"What do we know about this 'Akatsuki Press'?" asked Yuhi. Not that 'dawn' or 'daybreak' was a particularly unusual name of itself.

"Minor printing operation in Amegakure and Kirigakure," said Jiraiya. "They've gotten quite a lot of money since going into these picture-books, but the indications are that the profits are not being reinvested in the company but instead going to a parent company. That parent company is hidden for now, it may actually be the council of Amegakure or some other group."

"I am a little concerned about the use of photographs of our ninja," said the Hokage, "but this is a subject to be explored later. Right now, we're dealing with the Legion."

"Right," said Hayate Gekko, who frowned at the ANBU reading a book next to him. "They've gotten worse as time has gone on. Little incidents to start, like their original cooperation to sneak photos of Sasuke Uchiha. From a little acorn, to a particularly twisted tree. They have since made annoyances of themselves on several occasions. It was the Legion that replaced the statues of Konohagakure's founders with ones of Sasuke Uchiha a few months ago."

The Third Hokage nodded, remembering that.

"Terrible," said Anko Mitarashi.

"True," said Yugao Uzuki.

"So you're going to stop reading those?" said Hayate, apparently addressing Yugao.

"I just read them for the articles," said Yugao.

"Ahem," said the Third Hokage. "Are we in agreement then? To shut down the Legion?"

"They're all ninja," said Kakashi. "I expect they'll just continue on in secret. But fine, I'll go along with it."

"That settled," said the Third Hokage. "By your report, it certainly isn't fair to Uchiha that his team members have sent him back to the Academy with themselves."

"He's expressed a desire to pursue personal training in the Land Of Hot Springs," said Kakashi. "I tend to agree. Some time away from the village might do him and the Legion some good."

"Hmmm," hmmmed the Third. "I've heard many things, some conflicting, about that area. Perhaps a few ninja could accompany Uchiha on a fact-gathering mission while he trains. There's a trade delegation moving through the Land Of Fire that Kurenai's team is to guard. Accompanying them on the return journey might be a suitable mission and test."

* * *

"Now we just need to gather firewood," said Kurenai, "this campsite is one used by patrols in the area regularly."

Naruto went to a dead tree, examined it carefully, extended one finger, then struck.

_BLAM!_

"I'd prefer things a bit quieter," stated Kurenai as soon as she got her heartrate back under control.

Naruto frowned but nodded, acknowledging the request.

"Not too shabby," said Kiba, acknowledging that Naruto was not being dead weight after all. If he contributed to the pack, all well and good. "Hunting some food up is more my specialty. Besides, I train in mountains all the time."

"It's away from your mother's usual area," noted Kurenai.

"Damn straight," said Kiba, not picking a fight on that issue.

"Hinata, later on, with your permission, I want to use a pressure point technique on you that might help you in case we're attacked," said Naruto as Hinata helped him place wood together for the fire.

"Oh?" asked Hinata.

* * *

Kiba stopped and stared.

"someone, help me..." said Naruto.

"Uh uh, no way, not gonna happen," summed up Kiba.

"Yap," said Akamaru.

"Akamaru's right," said Kiba. "Some problems you've just got to get out of on your own."

"How exactly did this happen?" asked Kurenai-sensei.

"I just did a pressure point manipulation that increases self-confidence," said Naruto, having a Hinata wrapped around him who was rubbing her cheek against his chest.

"Uh huh," said Kurenai, who sounded EXTREMELY amused by all this. "So it's a confidence or fear-removal technique?"

"Yeah," said Naruto. "So can I get some help?"

"No," said Kurenai.

"Ain't gonna touch that at all," said Kiba, moving to the campfire with the deer he'd brought down.

"I would have thought rabbit would have been a better choice," said Kurenai, deciding to ignore Naruto for the time being.

"Yeah, that was what I'd have thought too," said Kiba. "This guy decided to attack instead of flee."

"Sometimes they do that," said Kurenai.

"Hinata, you're crushing my ribs," said Naruto as he tried to wriggle around and get some leverage.

"Mmmmmm," said Hinata from her position.

"You did a pressure point to technique to bolster her courage, and as a result she's hugging onto you with a death-grip?" asked Kurenai. "Maybe that means something."

Naruto seemed to remember something, whatever it was seemed unpleasant from his expression.

"Hmph, so the mighty taijutsu expert finds himself in an unbreakable hold?" asked Kiba, smirking LOTS.

"Heh heh," snickered Akamaru.

"Did your dog just snicker?" asked Kurenai.

"Uh, yeah?" said Kiba, not getting the question.

"Isn't anyone gonna help me out here?" asked Naruto.

Kiba looked at Kurenai who looked back. Then both turned to him and pronounced their judgement. "Nope!"

"I've gotten water," said Kurenai. "Need help preparing the deer?"

"Me and Akamaru are all over it," said Kiba.

"Uhm," said Kurenai.

"I mean we've got it covered," said Kiba, rolling his eyes.

* * *

He'd made a few changes here and there prior to settling this fragment into place.

The Land Of Hot Springs for example. That hadn't been there prior to his work. It was one of those outside the Five Great Nations, boasted the holy mountain (and hot springs) of Jusenkyo with exotic martial arts training grounds and other features that he'd spotted from a half-dozen other sources.

He'd also noticed that despite dealing with a bunch of young boys and girls, that there was NO obligatory hot springs episode OR a beach resort. Having addressed the hot springs, he'd also added a resort beach that was a couple of days away from the Hidden Leaf Village. The town of Mai Ami Beach with its pure white sands, warm surf, exotic but mostly harmless sea life, with the occasional predatious sea monster to better intice missions - proved to have an effect that Toltiir had not planned when he'd rearranged that section of coast.

Which was the 'Land Of Fire' was getting a good deal more wealth than it originally had. Or that other countries looked somewhat avariciously at the beachfront property. Or pirates that would prey on the wealthy in the area.

Some of which had a little bit of a fan following. The Dola Pirate Gang, for example, had a history of only attacking the wealthiest targets - and that included smugglers.

It DID have the effect as well in that on occasion ninja were dispatched to the area to:

> A) deal with sea monsters, zombies, or other menaces.  
>  B) smack down pirates  
>  C) laze around in bathing suits sunning themselves while waiting for A or B to show up.  
>  D) defend the area from various rogue ninja who decided to burgle a little something using their mad ninja skillz.

Oh and there was the seasonal crab and lobster festival. The Miss Beach contest. Little things like that. As Toltiir would point out, some things NEEDED to be done.

The ninja academy didn't have a culture festival either, or cooking battles, or giant robot fights, and their technology was all over the place. Well, part of it could be explained by no manufacturing facilities being put in any of the Five Ninja Nations due to insurance considerations That and the whole thing was roughly analagous to the Warring States of China.

Then there were the tiny adjustments. Things that were merely whispering in an ear at an appropriate time, up to manifesting as a rough analog of Genma Saotome in order to say or do something that would have repercussions down the road.

No one, least of all Toltiir, would expect all the little seeds to sprout and grow.

So he was a little surprised (pleasantly) at how well 'Sasuke Uchiha - Bed, Bath, and Beyond' was selling. A pictorial book of candid shots of the rookie genin growing up had been expected to do well within a tiny market. The press had sold out of it three times! A fourth run had seen thousands of copies internationally in select markets.

Once he'd seen pirates around though, he'd had to do it. He HAD to put them in. It was just one of those things.

* * *

Sasuke ran around the street corner, bouncing off a mailbox in order that he not lose any speed.

There was a brief moment of silence, broken only by Statler spitting once into the street and commenting that it used to be a QUIET ninja village.

The rising rumble erupted once the first of the girls reached the same intersection and began making less graceful versions of the same ninety-degree turn.

Statler and Waldorf merely watched as the crowd of girls passed their position.

"Yup, I agree. Used to be a quiet hidden ninja village," agreed Waldorf when the noise had abated enough to be heard.

"Any idea what it is this time?" asked Statler.

"Hang on," said Waldorf, cutting his thumb and doing a quick summons.

_BAMF_

"Wakka-wakka," said the bear summons. "You want a joke?"

"No, just the latest gossip," said Waldorf. "What got the Uchiha kid chased by his mob this time?"

"Oh, that," said the bear, adjusting his bow tie. "It's like this, the Sakura+Ino pairing with him failed. So the rumor is that the Hokage is considering letting Sasuke choose his own teammates from the available candidates."

"And so the Rabid Fangirl Association decided that this was their big chance and all of them are applying for the openings?" asked Waldorf.

"You got it," said the bear before adding a complaint. "Nobody summons me for jokes anymore."

"That's because we've heard your jokes," retorted Waldorf with a chuckle.

"Eh?" asked the bear. "Isn't that Sasuke Uchiha? Being kidnapped by pirates?"

Statler and Waldorf looked at each other, then at the bear, before nodding.

"Okay, THAT one I haven't heard," said Waldorf. "What's the punchline?"

The bear pointed.

Statler and Waldorf both looked, half expecting the bear to retort with a "made you look" line.

Except that WAS Sasuke Uchiha. Those WERE pirates. Of course it was hard to tell if the pirates were kidnapping Sasuke or if Sasuke were merely escaping his fangirls.

* * *

There were places that made their money in ways that did not involve ninja and their wars. In fact, it was because those areas had no major ninja villages made it possible to have and develop those technologies.

Certain areas of development were actively discouraged by ninja, mainly because they felt they had a lock on those professions dealing with the waging of wars and ridiculously destructive martial arts techniques.

One effect of that was that the Five Great Shinobi Nations made their money largely off their shinobi. The Land Of Wind might have mining, and the Land Of Wood had lumber, but their elite moneymakers were the ninja.

In the nations not counted among the Five Great Shinobi Nations, they had other means of making ends meet. The Land Of Steel, for example, was the major supplier of motors and engines - specializing in those used in watercraft such as the Land Of Waves used.

Then there were other lands that weren't quite so prosperous. Sometimes having to make do with odd occupations.

Such as the Land Of Four Ribbons, which was well known as a place where laws entirely depended on how much money you had. Anything could be bought there, if one had the price. As long as it wasn't something that would cause the Five Shinobi Nations to put aside their differences and invade.

Four Ribbons, four specialties of crime. Blue Ribbon, gambling - their casinos and gambling ships were the most gaudy and visible of the four. Red Ribbon, any technologies or developments in the art of killing - if you wanted details on a forbidden jutsu or technique you came to them. Purple Ribbon - slavetraders, prostitution, and similar work. The Purple Ribbon was known to hire 'missing nin' who wanted to stay missing. Black Ribbon - theft specialists. If it could be procured, it would move through their auction houses and private dealers.

Red Ribbon was the most cautious as far as the Five Shinobi Nations was concerned, as their business was entirely concerned with events outside the Five Nations and those in those nations considered them to essentially be 'Thugs R Us' - when one needed warm bodies that enjoyed violence to throw at a problem. They weren't worth anyone's time on their own as far as the Shinobi Nations were concerned. If they got too bold, Red Ribbon knew that some high-level ninja might come visit and kill a large number of their personnel as an object lesson. No, better not to try and expand their market share.

Black Ribbon, on the other hand, had problems of their own.

"Uhm, you're Sasuke Uchiha, ain't ya?" said some ninja-cat.

"Yeah, can we get more altitude?" asked Sasuke.

"Right on it," said some effeminite male, pulling a cord that jetted something into the balloon.

"Good," said Sasuke as a grapnel flew underneath the basket.

"This is the first time we've had someone cooperate like this," said a redhaired woman.

Sasuke leaned back against the side of the basket to regard the two in pirate outfits. Including little skull and crossbones motif. "Let me guess. Land Of Four Ribbons - Black Ribbon?"

"You've heard of Team Ribbon?" said the effeminite man, preening as he produced a rose and sniffed at it.

"Nope," said Sasuke. "You're pirates."

"Right, and now we've caught you!" said the cat, waving a cutlass around.

Sasuke kicked out lightly, knocking the cutlass out of the cat's hands and catching it himself.

"Gulp," said the effeminite man, the redheaded woman, and even the cat.

"Seems to me," said Sasuke. "We each have something the other wants. I'm just trying to figure out what you want."

"We want part of the money that your photobooks and videos take in," said the effete guy. "With you starring in one of OUR videos, we'll make tons of cash!"

"Photobooks?" asked Sasuke. "Videos?"

"Uh huh," said all three at the same time, nervously watching the cutlass.

"WHAT photobooks and videos?" asked Sasuke, not unreasonably.

"I just happen to have one here," said the woman, holding up a book.

Sasuke's gaze was flat as he read the title 'Sasuke Uchiha - Bed, Bath, And Beyond' and handed the cutlass back to the cat. It wasn't like he couldn't take it away again. "Let's see that. We may be able to make a deal if it gets me away from here for a little awhile."

"Oh," said the effete guy. "Uhm. I'm James. This is Jessie, and that's our Summons - Meowth."

"That's right!" agreed the cat-thing.

Thumbing through the magazine, Sasuke went from apparently bored to angry to a cold emotion which caused all three of his 'kidnappers' to crowd away as far as the small basket would allow them to go.

"I think," said Sasuke finally, "that I have a deal for you three. We're going to the publisher of this magazine and we steal everything they've made in profits off of this. Do we have a deal?"

* * *

"They grow up so fast," said Uncle Genma as he watched the balloon slowly sail off into the sunset.

Yes, reflected Uncle Genma, it was a beautiful scene. The cat's head shaped balloon rising up into the red-gold sky. The crowd of young women calling out for their departing Sasuke, some trying to hurl sharp pointy things at the balloon in full ignorance of what would happen if they actually managed to hit it.

The girl dangling from a rope beneath the balloon who was having to swing and twist in order to avoid the sharp pointy things that would occasionally come way too close.

Ah look, Ino managed to grab ahold of Sakura. Now there were TWO girls dangling beneath the balloon as it found a convenient updraft and took a ride like an elevator to dizzying new heights.

Uncle Genma made a handsign and vanished after the balloon was a speck still lit by the sun as the village itself passed into shadow. How amusing that the balloon would be wafted along by a storm front and eventually set down somewhere far far away.

* * *

There were places that made their money in ways that did not involve ninja and their wars. In fact, it was because those areas had no major ninja villages made it possible to have and develop those technologies.

Certain areas of development were actively discouraged by ninja, mainly because they felt they had a lock on those professions dealing with the waging of wars and ridiculously destructive martial arts techniques.

One effect of that was that the Five Great Shinobi Nations made their money largely off their shinobi. The Land Of Wind might have mining, and the Land Of Wood had lumber, but their elite moneymakers were the ninja.

In the nations not counted among the Five Great Shinobi Nations, they had other means of making ends meet. The Land Of Steel, for example, was the major supplier of motors and engines - specializing in those used in watercraft such as the Land Of Waves used.

Then there were other lands that weren't quite so prosperous. Sometimes having to make do with odd occupations.

Such as the Land Of Four Ribbons, which was well known as a place where laws entirely depended on how much money you had. Anything could be bought there, if one had the price. As long as it wasn't something that would cause the Five Shinobi Nations to put aside their differences and invade.

Four Ribbons, four specialties of crime. Blue Ribbon, gambling - their casinos and gambling ships were the most gaudy and visible of the four. Red Ribbon, any technologies or developments in the art of killing - if you wanted details on a forbidden jutsu or technique you came to them. Purple Ribbon - slavetraders, prostitution, and similar work. The Purple Ribbon was known to hire 'missing nin' who wanted to stay missing. Black Ribbon - theft specialists. If it could be procured, it would move through their auction houses and private dealers.

Red Ribbon was the most cautious as far as the Five Shinobi Nations was concerned, as their business was entirely concerned with events outside the Five Nations and those in those nations considered them to essentially be 'Thugs R Us' - when one needed warm bodies that enjoyed violence to throw at a problem. They weren't worth anyone's time on their own as far as the Shinobi Nations were concerned. If they got too bold, Red Ribbon knew that some high-level ninja might come visit and kill a large number of their personnel as an object lesson. No, better not to try and expand their market share.

Black Ribbon, on the other hand, had problems of their own.

"Uhm, you're Sasuke Uchiha, ain't ya?" said some ninja-cat.

"Yeah, can we get more altitude?" asked Sasuke.

"Right on it," said some effeminite male, pulling a cord that jetted something into the balloon.

"Good," said Sasuke as a grapnel flew underneath the basket.

"This is the first time we've had someone cooperate like this," said a redhaired woman.

Sasuke leaned back against the side of the basket to regard the two in pirate outfits. Including little skull and crossbones motif. "Let me guess. Land Of Four Ribbons - Black Ribbon?"

"You've heard of Team Ribbon?" said the effeminite man, preening as he produced a rose and sniffed at it.

"Nope," said Sasuke. "You're pirates."

"Right, and now we've caught you!" said the cat, waving a cutlass around.

Sasuke kicked out lightly, knocking the cutlass out of the cat's hands and catching it himself.

"Gulp," said the effeminite man, the redheaded woman, and even the cat.

"Seems to me," said Sasuke. "We each have something the other wants. I'm just trying to figure out what you want."

"We want part of the money that your photobooks and videos take in," said the effete guy. "With you starring in one of OUR videos, we'll make tons of cash!"

"Photobooks?" asked Sasuke. "Videos?"

"Uh huh," said all three at the same time, nervously watching the cutlass.

"WHAT photobooks and videos?" asked Sasuke, not unreasonably.

"I just happen to have one here," said the woman, holding up a book.

Sasuke's gaze was flat as he read the title 'Sasuke Uchiha - Bed, Bath, And Beyond' and handed the cutlass back to the cat. It wasn't like he couldn't take it away again. "Let's see that. We may be able to make a deal if it gets me away from here for a little awhile."

"Oh," said the effete guy. "Uhm. I'm James. This is Jessie, and that's our Summons - Meowth."

"That's right!" agreed the cat-thing.

Thumbing through the magazine, Sasuke went from apparently bored to angry to a cold emotion which caused all three of his 'kidnappers' to crowd away as far as the small basket would allow them to go.

"I think," said Sasuke finally, "that I have a deal for you three. We're going to the publisher of this magazine and we steal everything they've made in profits off of this. Do we have a deal?"

* * *

"They grow up so fast," said Uncle Genma as he watched the balloon slowly sail off into the sunset.

Yes, reflected Uncle Genma, it was a beautiful scene. The cat's head shaped balloon rising up into the red-gold sky. The crowd of young women calling out for their departing Sasuke, some trying to hurl sharp pointy things at the balloon in full ignorance of what would happen if they actually managed to hit it.

The girl dangling from a rope beneath the balloon who was having to swing and twist in order to avoid the sharp pointy things that would occasionally come way too close.

Ah look, Ino managed to grab ahold of Sakura. Now there were TWO girls dangling beneath the balloon as it found a convenient updraft and took a ride like an elevator to dizzying new heights.

Uncle Genma made a handsign and vanished after the balloon was a speck still lit by the sun as the village itself passed into shadow. How amusing that the balloon would be wafted along by a storm front and eventually set down somewhere far far away.

* * *

"We're going to that inn, the repairs to the balloon will have to wait till morning," said James.

"Wimp pirates," complained Sasuke.

"Naw, that ain't it," said Meowth. "It's that the fabric here's thin as a cat's whisker and it's all that keeps us up. If it gets stitched together wrong, it ain't gonna stay airborne."

Sasuke considered this group trying to sew rents in the balloon closed, compounded by the low light level atop this mountain. Reluctantly he nodded. "Go ahead then, I'll keep watch."

The obvious relief of the three pirates (or two pirates and a summons if you wanted to get technical) would have been comical to just about anyone else.

* * *

"Yuhi-sensei," said Kiba, awakening as Akamaru "accidently" woke him up.

"Yeah, I know," said Kurenai, already awake. "It's just one so far and he's keeping his distance."

"One of the bandits?" asked Kiba.

"Don't know," admitted the jonin. "Probably saw the campfire and is trying to investigate without getting too close."

"So... we wait and see if there's others?" asked Kiba.

"What do you think?" asked Kurenai, slipping into examiner-role.

"We capture this one, get him to talk, and then lay in an ambush for any colleagues," said Naruto, still looking as if he was asleep.

"Interesting plan," said Kurenai as she considered the gennin. "How are you going to do that?"

Naruto's eyes slid open. "If you can get Hinata off my arm, I can do that."

"How'd she get over there?" asked Kiba. "I never heard her move."

Kurenai thought of that, and of Hinata's past. Of Hinata finding someone who valued her and wanted to make HER happy. Finding that she'd apparently crossed from her blanket over an additional three feet of ground to snuggle against that person - not exactly something that was all that hard to understand.

* * *

Normally it didn't require great effort to awaken Hinata Hyuga.

Normally, she was very reserved and unsure of herself. Her father's constant attacks and belittlement of her abilities had been intended to draw out a stubborn core where she would dedicate herself to proving him wrong. Instead it had gone in the opposite direction. She was one of those who thrived on encouragement.

Someone had been kind and nice and encouraging to her. Someone had given her pleasures such as she had never dreamed possible, and never once strayed into naughty territory. Someone had provided an example of never giving up and never losing sight of one's goals.

Which was why Hinata Hyuga resisted the call back to the world of waking. While she was unconscious she had wriggled and moved until she was right next to that someone. It still wasn't naughty, just the need to reassure herself that he did indeed exist and that the happiness she'd stumbled across was still there.

"Wake up, Hinata."

"Don't wanna," mumbled Hinata, burrowing closer. "Mine."

"I know you two are engaged and all, but is this really the time?" asked a familiar male voice. Hinata reluctantly woke up enough to place it. Kiba.

Lavender eyes slowly opened, and when she realized that she was snuggled into the side of Naruto Uzumaki, the obvious reaction occurred.

"EEEP!" Hinata squeaked and scrambled back, her face practically glowing red.

Naruto looked slightly embarassed himself as he rolled to his feet.

"Hinata, Hinata, Hinata," softly chided Kurenai-sensei. "Save that for later or I'll recommend that Naruto be transferred to another squad."

Hinata whimpered involuntarily at the thought and at her continued embarassment.

"Hinata, get it together and use your Byakugan," said Kurenai. "How many intruders do you see?"

Hinata frowned in the process of getting overclothes on. "Byakugan! There are... oh dear."

Kiba made an impolite noise.

"Sorry," apologized Hinata. "But there's something wrong with them. There are thirty seven of them, currently spreading out into two-man teams. The single remaining one is very odd."

"What do you mean 'something wrong with them' - like what?" prompted Kurenai.

"Their chakra flows are wrong," said Hinata. "They're also big. Most of them are three times Kiba's size. They're carrying axes and clubs. Except one is carrying a shovel except he's holding it like a weapon, and the shovel has been reinforced to be used like that."

"Huh," said Kiba, grinning in such a way that a fang showed. "A combat shovel? Oh, I'm scared now. Pfeh."

"The chakra flows are wrong how?" asked Kurenai.

"They're running faster than they should, and the distribution isn't even," said Hinata absently as she continued to study the potential opponents. "It should be even over their entire bodies instead of being concentrated in the arms and legs."

Kurenai frowned. "Okay. I'm grading you. How are you going to handle this?"

_krik-krak, krik-krak_ went Naruto's knuckles.

"Wait a minute," said Kiba. "I'm not letting you take all of them."

"Rowr raff!" agreed Akamaru.

Hinata seemed to consider that as she chewed on a Hidden Ninja Valley Trail Bar tm Nuttiberir and nodded.

"Okay," said Naruto after a moment. "Hinata can use her Byakugan to keep score."

"Pfeh. Yeah, right," said Kiba. "How about Kurenai Yuhi-sensei? SHE can keep track."

"Just don't kill them all," said Hinata, holding up a hand. "We'll need to question one."

Naruto and Kiba considered her for a moment, before both smiled again. Kiba's was definitely a wolfish smile, Naruto's smile was more affectionate and directed at Hinata.

"Very well then, begin as soon as you're ready," said Kurenai.

* * *

"Let me know when they've begun, Hinata," said Kurenai after the two had slipped into the forest.

"Yes, I... oh," said Hinata. "They've begun. They're going in opposite directions but as the opponents have tried to encircle us, they'll meet behind us."

"Oh?" asked Kurenai, who noted Hinata was completely concentrating on the matter at hand.

Something that sounded like festival fireworks, one of those little chains of firecrackers, went off.

"Ick," said Hinata, who wasn't particularly squeamish. On the other hand, her Byakugan gave her a pretty good and detailed view of what was occurring.

"What's 'ick'?" asked Kurenai.

"Naruto has a technique which causes people he's hit to explode from within," said Hinata. "The last person he used it on - their head exploded into 347 pieces of an average size of 1.2cm with the remaining mass converted to a liquid consistency."

"Ick," agreed Kurenai.

"The two have met back. They're arguing," said Hinata.

"I'm not surprised," said Kurenai.

* * *

"row raff!" exclaimed Akamaru.

"That's right!" said Kiba. "Your count must be wrong."

"No, it's troublesome, but I think we tied," said Naruto with a frown. "Did you save one for interrogating?"

"Oh yeah, I forgot about that," said Kiba, looking back along the trail of destruction he'd wrought.

"Hmm," hmmmed Naruto, leading Kiba back to where one of the bandits was standing.

"You'll never get me to talk," said the bandit. "Never."

"So, if you got fifteen, and I got fifteen, then that leaves seven left still," said Kiba.

"So you're the bandits who have been operating in this area?" asked Naruto.

"That's right, we heard that someone had dispatched a runner to the Hidden Leaf and we set out to intercept you," said teh bandit.

"So it's your whole gang here?" asked Naruto.

"No, just about half of us," said the bandit. "Not that I'm telling YOU anything!"

"Eh?" said Kiba, catching on.

"You're not that well trained as fighters," said Naruto.

"Hah! Shows how little you know!" exclaimed the bandit. "We've got five missing-nin among our number! One's an S-Class! Another is one of Orochimaru's experiments. You don't stand a chance against us!"

"That you're standing paralyzed in a circle of your dead comrades, answering questions you just swore you wouldn't, doesn't matter at all, eh?" asked Kiba as he considered all of this.

"Wha? What did you say?!" said the bandit.

"I hit a pressure point combination where you will answer all of my questions until your time is up," said Naruto.

_whissssssssssssssssssssh-THUNK!_

Kiba blinked as someone had thrown an axe from concealment at their prisoner, but Naruto had just caught it a moment before the impact could take place.

"Kiba? Do you want first crack at our audience?" asked Naruto.

"On it," growled Kiba, noting that Akamaru was already pointing in that direction.

"Wait," said the paralyzed minion as Naruto started to walk away. "You're leaving me like this?"

"No, you don't have that much longer to live," said Naruto, hefting the throwing axe, then discarding it as not being a particularly quality weapon.

"Swine! We'll kill you and dance on your entrails!" bragged the bandit. "When this paraly- sissss... W-what?!" _Ker-sploosh!_

"S-class, eh?" said Naruto as he headed towards the noise caused by Kiba and Akamaru fighting the would-be assassin. That could be interesting.

* * *

"They're retreating," said Hinata as she focussed her Byakugan.

"Good, so will we," said Kurenai Yuhi.

"Excuse me?" asked Naruto and Kiba. Who then glared at each other for doing that in harmony.

"Missing-nin raise the level of this beyond training exercise," said Kurenai.

"We can take them," said Kiba.

Naruto shut his mouth as HE had been prepared to say the same thing.

"Ruff," seconded Akamaru.

"Oh, well, that's okay then," said Kiba.

"What he say?" asked Naruto, curious.

"That they're retreating and will probably be back with reinforcements, to fight us again at a later date," said Kiba.

"Eh?" asked Naruto.

Akamaru nodded and wuffed again.

"I'm not sure what that means," said Kiba, not translating any further.

"It means you pass the test," said Yuhi Kurenai. "Welcome, all of you, to Team 8. Naruto, you're going to continue training Hinata in that martial art style and wearing those weights?"

"You could tell?" asked Naruto, a little surprised.

"How's the injuries?" asked Kurenai of Kiba.

"I've gotten a lot worse before," said Kiba dismissively. "Though I'm going to have to admit that a shovel DOES make a credible weapon in some hands."

"Arf," agreed Akamaru, nodding at that.

"Essentially a staff weapon with a blade at one end, reinforced to be used as a weapon," said Kurenai. "I'm surprised nobody's used one before."

"Next thing you know someone will come up with a taijutsu style that uses a broom," grumbled Kiba.

Kurenai decided to just smirk, knowing that there already WAS such a thing.

"So, uhm," said Hinata, speaking up now. "We're a team."

"So, sensei, any special training?" asked Naruto.

"Why, yes," said Kurenai. "As a matter of fact..."

* * *

The sun hadn't gone up very far before Sasuke Uchiha stirred himself and wondered briefly why he had felt so relaxed.

He realized after a moment's pondering that it was because he was away from the fanclub. No explosions in the middle of the night. No barely-dressed girls trying to sneak into his bed. Nobody trying to bring him breakfast/lunch/dinner/brunch/snacks or impress him with their various skills.

No, he had a group of pirates who would gladly betray him if they thought they could get away with it.

Sighing, Sasuke began down the mountain. Those three MIGHT have fled down the mountain and still be running. It wouldn't exactly surprise him at this point.

* * *

**Author's Notes:** this was just one of the Mischief Fragment ideas, written out a bit further to indicate how much of a twist this could take.


	4. Tiger in the Tank

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone at another location complained about Hinata Hyuga and listed a set of reasons why. i said okay, and came up with a plotline to significantly alter the character. Predictably, the critic was not appeased.

**Another Fistful Of Omake**

by Greylle

DISCLAIMER: Original series belong to someone else.  
NOTE: The following are just ideas that are not currently being pursued. Anyone wanting to use or continue them are welcome to, just credit me for the initial twist OK?

chapter three: A Tiger and the tank

You can see chapter 2 of these omake for the events prior to the start here. The divergence is the first paragraph.

Naruto Usumaki. Child of the Fourth Hokage. Container of the Nine-tailed Demon Fox.

The demon fox was a force of destructive nature, a living storm of chakra that could only release its rage in destruction.

"I will make you suffer for this," said the demon fox.

The cat ever so slowly raised his head to open yellow eyes to gaze upon the fox. "Do you REALLY want to open that can? You really want me to get more serious in Round Two?"

"I wasn't ready the first time," said the fox. "Try me again."

Abruptly the room was replaced with a modern boxing ring, with thousands of black cats in the seats watching.

A black cat wearing a striped shirt pulled a microphone out of nowhere. "Welcome gentlemen, to the rematch of theeeeeeeeee CENTURY!"

"You ARE going to turn me back from being a plush toy, right?" asked the demon fox.

_Poof!_

"NOW WE'RE TALKING," roared the demon fox.

"In this corner, the challengerrrrrrr," called out the referee-cat. "The Jinchuraki. Jinchurapper. Jin- the Nine Tailed Demon Fox!"

_dead silence broken only by a cricket in the background_

"And in this corner," said the referee. "The elder god of chaos and mischief, over a hundred billion years old and still going strong, the unintended destroyer of three galaxies and a small section of Japan..."

"I rebuilt those, hardly anybody notices the teenie-tiny little mistakes I made," said yet another black cat as it stepped underneath the ropes to take its place on the other side of the ring.

"Toltiir!" called out the ref.

Predictably, the crowd of black cats in the audience went wild. Except for two old-looking black cats who called out a set of puns too awful to be repeated.

"I'm ready for you now," growled the Beast.

"Pink is definitely your color," said the cat.

Growling something very impolite, the Beast started ripping the ribbons and bows off of its tail.

"Now, what should we set the stakes at for this fight?" mused the cat in the rink. "Obviously what YOU get is that I'm out of your life. Everything goes back to normal. What do I get out of it though?"

"Whatever. I don't care, because I won't lose," said the Beast, lunging forward. "DIE!"

_KABAM_

"See, this isn't even a good contest," said Toltiir, addressing the Beast flattened underneath an enormous shoe that somehow conveyed the impression of being actually bigger than a solar system. "You're just a little localized pit of destruction. You don't even have an intelligence unless you're contained within someone. Hey, that's an idea. Why don't I give you a makeover?!"

The Demon Fox groaned as best it could with a current thickness of less than a millimeter.

"Foxes are supposed to be mischievous, intelligent, and sneaky," said Toltiir, now with a little scholar's cap and glasses and labcoat. "And these other beasts are basically the same as you. Who came up with this system anyway? At LEAST each beast should have had a different element or power grouping. No, couldn't have anything like that could we. Pfeh. Chakra batteries with an attitude, that's about it. Hmmm. Let's try THIS."

_POOF!_

Suddenly the Demon Fox was no longer flattened, was calm, and understood Everything. The Universe. The Multiverse. The Metaverse. Quantum Physics, High Energy Particles, and How Many Licks Did It Take To Get To The Center Of A Tootsie-Pop. "whoa."

"No, let's go with a bare 200 IQ or something like that," said Toltiir, making another adjustment.

The Demon Fox shook his head, suddenly being less intelligent but with memories of Understanding still echoing through his head.

"Ah," said Toltiir. "What if we change a little something here?"

* * *

"We must appear strong," said the aged grandfather. "We must appear to be strong and ruthless. Otherwise we are entirely too open to attack or loss of influence."

"I know that," said Hiashi Hyuga. "She's my daughter though. I have already sacrificed my brother. Publicly we must turn her away. Under that though - we can try to make sure she's taken care of."

"Sir?" asked an arriving jonin. "She has been taken in by the foxboy."

"Keep watching, but if she has a friend it makes it easier for her," said Hiashi Hyuga. "As to the other matter, if we can find a way to strike back at Orochimaru or his interests - we should spare no effort to do so."

"Payback is also VERY important," agreed the aged grandfather.

* * *

"What?!" said the black cat a bit later.

The Ninetails chuckled. "Something tells me that you weren't expecting that."

"Well, no," admitted Toltiir. "I haven't done anything to alter things in that direction or with that character. I admit it makes sense for what they were originally trying to accomplish."

* * *

In the space of less than an hour, her world had gone completely dark. She had been a disappointment to her father for many years, but there had always been a chance of redemption and of proving herself.

In one hour she'd been kidnapped right outside the gates of her home, beaten when she'd tried to cry out, and then...

and then her eyes had been scooped out of her head.

Now she wasn't even acknowledged as a survivor by her own family. She'd heard and she knew the reasons. The ninja life was a difficult one and someone who was crippled like herself was only a burden.

"Come with me, you can't spend the night out here," said a familiar-sounding voice.

Hinata jumped as her misery was interrupted. "Please. I just want to be alone."

"No, that's no good," said the voice of the same boy who'd spoken earlier. "I ain't got much, but it'll get you out of the cold tonight."

"You're... Naruto-kun," said the young girl, placing the voice.

"Come on," said Naruto. "I kinda know what it's like to be alone. I can leave you alone there, but you need to be inside."

* * *

Toltiir waited.

Orochimaru SHOULD have continued on his current path and obsessed over the Sharingan. Kabuto SHOULD have remained hidden. Though Kabuto WAS mostly hidden still as the only one who could positively identify him was currently blinded.

Toltiir waited though. He waited as Hinata cried herself to sleep, despite the current lack of tear ducts as they'd been grabbed as well. When Naruto fell asleep with Hinata's head in his lap, Toltiir stirred within the carrier.

Ah, here we go.

* * *

> "Where? I can see again?" asked Hinata, spinning around at the ancient-looking shrine grounds.
> 
> "Not quite," said a voice from within the depths of the shrine. The doors blew open and a pair of green-glowing eyes regarded her from within that darkness. "I am that which is sealed away within Naruto."
> 
> "I won't let you hurt him," said Hinata, taking a stance between Naruto and the shrine.
> 
> "I know of you, Hinata Hyuga," said the voice. "I know that you had one previous attempt to claim your eyes. I know your father took it out on you that he lost his brother and of his disappointment that you are a gentler soul than is normally found within a ninja. I know that you've been watching Naruto for about four years now, and that you admire his Will To Succeed."
> 
> "What? I mean..." said Hinata, going from defiant to embarassed.
> 
> "Ah, young love," said the Voice wistfully. It provided SO much opportunity for mischief after all.
> 
> "eep," said Hinata, going now to severely embarassed with frequent fidgeting.
> 
> "It may be possible for you to continue your path as a ninja, Hinata Hyuga," said that Voice. "Here and now, I can intervene. Your Byakugan is lost. If you agree to my terms, I can arrange an alternative." 
> 
> "I'll take it," said Hinata.
> 
> "I haven't set the terms yet," pointed out the Voice.
> 
> "I do not want to be a burden," said Hinata.
> 
> "Very well then," said the Voice. "Let it be noted then that Hinata formerly of the Hyuga clan is now recognized as an Official Fiancee Of Naruto."
> 
> "w-w-w-what?!" weakly said Hinata. "but we're only eleven!"
> 
> "Old enough for an engagement," dismissed the Voice. "Would you prefer the position of clan retainer? That'd work too. As for the rest, DONE."

* * *

Toltiir considered all the possibilities. And of the problems. So, just make use of these guys...

Hinata woke up to darkness. "WHAT?! WHERE AM I?!"

"You let her wake up, you numskulls!" _SLAP!_

"Someone?! Any -mpph?!" Hinata found some foul rag stuffed into her mouth.

"We got her and we got the kid," said another voice. "Where's that lab?"

"Quiet you numskulls, I gotta check the map." _rustle rustle_ "Okay. Orochimama's secret lab is about... over that way."

"And when this works, we'll be superpowerful ninjas, right Moe?"

"Knock it off with the names, ya lamebrain!" _BONK SLAP BONK_ "That Oreomama's guy said if we can pull this off, he'll take us in. We'll just use these experimental subjects to test the equipment. You saw how they was treated back in the village. Nobody's gonna miss them!"

"Gee, Moe, that's smart. No wonder yer the leader."

"Stop talking the obvious, moron."

"Hey, the boy here is heavy. Do we really need two of 'em?"

"Sometimes you actually acts like you might have a brain in there." _light slap_ "OK. Tie the boy up good and tight to that tree. We can always come back and get him later."

"So why are we using these names anyway? What's 'Moe' mean?"

"I dunno, they came to me in some dream. What's the problem? We're ninjas. Ninjas use codenames and such, don't they?"

"Mfffff!" protested Hinata, who had never heard that before.

* * *

"Don't lose the trail," said Kakashi.

"I don't think a first year gennin could lose this trail," countered Neji.

"MFFFFFFFFF!" said a boy who'd been gagged and tied up to a tree.

"Who tied this? They've cut off his circulation in three places," said Might Guy.

"MFFFFFFFFF!" repeated the boy.

"Rock, you stay here, get him loose," said Might Guy, handing a kunai to the other ninja. "The rest of us will have to hurry and catch up again."

"You said it," said Kakashi. "These guys are so inept they may hurt her without actually trying to do anything of the kind."

"Remember, don't do anything to them until that lab has been found," said Neji. "My clan wants to go over it for clues as to Orochimaru's location."

"I think we'll be disappointed there," said Kakashi, leaping into motion. "Most likely there will be no clues and those three are just stooges. They won't know anything of value."

* * *

"Okay, put the victim on the blue circle."

"Who?"

"The girl, nitwit!"

"Oh yeahhhhh."

Hinata felt herself being dumped roughly onto what felt like stone.

"Now to give her da power of a mighty beast!"

"Uhm, Moe?"

"What NOW?"

"She's our prisoner, right? She don't like us, right? So... maybe we should, like, try something small and not so powerful?"

"Don't be... hmmm. You might just have something there. Okay. Grab that!"

"Got it!"

"Red circle."

"Done!"

"Now we pull the switch and all these little spinny things go spinning around and little sparky-things go sparking and..."

"Is that part of it supposed to catch fire?"

"Put it out, put it out!"

Hinata had to wonder what was going on as she felt something zapping her heavily, as she felt as if she was torn apart and swirled together with something else.

* * *

"Kakashi, what do you see?"

"I see three morons who have gotten ahold of some forbidden equipment that apparently Orochimaru left behind. I also see where... no. It can't be."

"Can we kill them now?" asked Neji.

"Hang on," cautioned Kakashi. "The device is healing her. I can see where eyes are underneath her blindfold. Except... she has animal ears and a tail?!"

"Let's just beat them senseless," said Might Guy. "DRAMATIC ENTRY!"

* * *

"Well, it's definitely Hinata," said Kakashi after the dust had settled. "It's just that she's got the ears and tail of the animal she was combined with. A tiger."

"I thought they were going to try and splice her with something harmless?"

"You're surprised that they got that wrong too?"

"Good point."

* * *

"Well, she's not a cripple anymore," said Hiashi Hyuga.

"This is most unexpected," said the Hokage. "I want this equipment studied. ANBU will have to do it, but I want oversight from others not IN ANBU."

Hiashi nodded once and responded so quietly one had to be practically bumping shoulders to overhear. "You don't want Root to have a free reign."

"Not only 'no' but 'hell no'," responded Sarutobi in the same hushed tone.

"So what do we do?" asked Hiashi in a more normal tone. "Her eyes do not possess the Byakugan, but clearly she can see. I cannot relent and let her back into the clan without some official reason to do so."

"I am not going to order you to do so," said Sarutobi. "No. Let her remain with Naruto. They're both too young for anything untoward to happen. By the time they've gotten a bit older, we'll know more. The medic-nin looking over her have reported that the transformation will require some time to stabilize. We'll just put it out that this has been a very unlucky time for young Hinata and that the three foreign nin who did this were working for who they were working for. Some of the equipment was damaged when it caught fire, and figuring out how it was done and how it can be cured remain concerns for the future."

"Ah, that would work," said Hiashi, before directing her next question towards the ceiling. "Does that work for you, Hinata?"

"Nyipe!" said a catgirl clinging to the ceiling.

_Thud!_

"Considering her fever and current condition, that was actually fairly impressive," allowed Hiashi Hyuga.

"Never able to praise them when they're actually able to hear anything, are you?" asked the Hokage.

Hiashi shrugged in reply. He was the tough clan head of a ninja village. Strict disciplinarian was in the job description as far as he could tell. "What about those three spies?"

"They died before anything could be determined," said Sarutobi. "Some sort of poisoned senbon."

"So," said Hiashi. "There are still spies or agents within the village. Yes, we shall definitely be keeping an eye on Hinata and Naruto." He smiled briefly. "That sounds like an excellent excuse, doesn't it?"

* * *

"Huh," said Naruto, as he tried to take care of Hinata. It was all so odd. And yet-

One of the weird things occurring now is that while he was still considered 'unapproachable' or something, there were now occasional smiles (quickly hidden) sent in his direction.

A couple of stores had lowered their prices a little bit, one saying that the special tax was temporarily lifted or something.

Naruto took the little cloth off of Hinata's forehead, rinsed it out, and put it in his refrigerator. He took the other cloth off the shelf and put it on Hinata's forehead and checked the medical scrolls he'd been given.

Yeah, he understood that some people viewed Hinata a bit differently. He understood that the Hokage wanted Hinata where she wouldn't constantly be poked and prodded. It still felt odd that she was sick and not in the hospital.

According to this scroll, at some point he needed to wipe the sweat off of her. Which meant...

Oh man. Good thing she was unconscious.

He did it though. One thing he'd learned - you were a ninja - you did what you had to do. Whatever it took, you got the mission done. Right?

When he'd finally finished, using up four towels to do it, he checked and found two spurts of blood had come out of Hinata's nose.

"AGHHH! She's dying! Nosebleed, nosebleed, where's the section on nosebleeds?!"

* * *

Hinata woke up, feeling refreshed and strangely buoyant and energetic.

When she realized that she was in Naruto's bed, and that Naruto had fallen asleep in a chair sitting next to the bed, she blushed and twiddled her fingers and the feeling of buoyancy actually increased.

Some of the dreams she'd had, well, they weren't quite what they might be in a few years.

It wasn't long though before her stomach made its unhappiness known. Apparently the rice gruel that Naruto had spoonfed her yesterday did not have a lot of staying power.

A fresh blush occurred. Though she had felt enormously weak and lost yesterday, and she HAD slept a lot, she'd been conscious for a lot of it.

Now she'd have to see about getting herself a PROPER meal. Honestly, you'd think Naruto lived entirely on different varieties of ramen.

* * *

"She's a monster!" said the fishmonger.

"How so?" asked the ANBU member being accosted by a shopkeeper.

"She grabbed a large fish right off of the top of the stack!" said the fishmonger.

"And?" asked the ANBU member.

"She grabbed it up in her MOUTH and ran off with it," said the fishmonger.

"Ah, and she didn't pay?" prompted the ANBU member, who was still wondering why bother HIM with it.

"Uhm, well, actually, she did toss me a bit of change," muttered the fishmonger.

"Oh. So what exactly was the problem?" asked the ANBU member.

"A young girl jumps up, grabs a fish in her mouth, and runs off on all fours, and you don't have a problem with it?" asked the fishmonger.

"Not as much as I do with someone who goes calling a victim of several reprehensible crimes a monster because she survived all of it, no," admitted the ANBU member. "Do you want me to let Lord Hyuga know that you are harassing someone formerly of his clan?"

"Ung," said the fishmonger, suddenly aware of several looks directed his way from the gathering crowd. A fair number of which were not even remotely sympathetic. "Never mind."

* * *

A member of ANBU melted out of the shadows with a brief swirl of tattered cape.

"I really wish you'd stop doing that," said the Hokage, glancing in that direction.

"Doing what?" asked the ANBU member whose mask resembled some demonic face.

"The overly dramatic entries and exits," said the Hokage. "Might Guy gets away with it due to his extreme competence in physical abilities."

"Oh..." said the ANBU member, now apparently sulking.

"Fine," said the Hokage, rolling his eyes. The ANBU agent WAS good, but not as a combat operative. Covert operations involving information gathering was a much better deal. "Report, Crow."

"Those three troublemakers," began Crow.

"Which ones?" asked Sarutobi, the Third Hokage and frequent sufferer of headaches. Not all of whom were named Naruto.

"Komugi, Inaho, and Gennai," qualified Crow. "They were the ones who did a 'dine-and-dash' at Eisen's Bagelworks. The customer who identified Hinata as one of the runners was less than truthful."

The Hokage nodded.

Crow took out his notebook. "The medic-nin examining Hinata formerly-Hyuga have declared she is ready to return to school, though she apparently has not completely recovered from her ordeal. Her condition is, however, stable."

"Good," said the Hokage, waving Crow to continue as he poured himself some tea.

"Her strength and speed are over five times what they were, and continuing to increase," said Crow. "She's doing better than she was, but she still tires easily. At a couple of points she knocked Naruto Uzumaki over so that she could use him as a pillow."

"How is HE handling that?" asked the Hokage.

"Tolerating it fairly well, actually," said Crow. "Though he runs and dodges a lot when he determines it's about to happen, resulting in him getting chased down first."

"Ah," said the Hokage, the scene he'd viewed earlier in his crystal ball device now making more sense.

"Her senses are exceptionally acute," said Crow. "Sense of smell, hearing, and sight - particularly in dim lighting or at night. Apparently she has some resistance to genjutsu because her senses ARE sharpened to such a degree."

"Yes, Aoba Yamashiro mentioned something to that effect," agreed the Hokage. "At least she's not eating any of his ravens now."

* * *

"I'd abandoned that research as useless," mused Orochimaru. "What did these three do differently?"

"There were several things different about this girl," said Kabuto. "Two being that she IS young and a girl. All previous attempts involved male subjects and were considerably older. She also was the previous owner of that Byakugan."

"Oh yes, those," said Orochimaru. "Such pretty eyes. You did well in acquiring them."

"It was entirely my pleasure," responded Kabuto.

"It is said that the Sharingan came from the Byakugan, but the Sharingan is for combat only while the Byakugan is useful in a variety of situations," noted Orochimaru. "We may have to implant these in someone soon to better study them. Find a suitable prisoner."

"Yes," said Kabuto. "We have some suitable candidates."

"Good," said Orochimaru. "Also keep an eye out for a young ninja girl, strong and healthy, whom we can acquire for experimentation."

"Someone from Konoha, perhaps?" asked Kabuto with a smile.

"Oh yes," said Orochimaru with a matching smile. "You sometimes know exactly what to say."

* * *

There were many in the class who just went ahead and stared as Naruto entered.

Not because of Naruto, but because of the girl who followed him in.

"Hinata?!" asked Kiba, basically summing up what everyone else was thinking.

"Urf?" asked Akamaru, trying to make sense out of what his nose was saying.

"Today we're studying shuriken trajectories and explosive mixes," said Iruka-sensei. "If everyone would take a seat? Uhm, no, Hinata. You may not sit in Naruto's lap."

"Mou," complained Hinata as she got off a flustered Naruto's lap to take her own seat.

"...i just don't understand girls..." said Naruto.

"Hmmmmmm," hmmmed a speculative Sakura as she eyed her neighbor.

"No," said Iruka, seeing as several of Sasuke's fangirls were apparently considering trying that with Sasuke.

Sasuke grumbled something about the annoyance.

* * *

It happened halfway through the class, during Mizuki's lecture on Why The Ninetailed Fox Was Evil.

"Urrrr," said Hinata, her ears drooping before she yawned. Revealed were very white, very sharp-looking, teeth.

"Uh oh," said Naruto.

"What do you mean 'uh oh'?" asked Kiba as he watched. Because of his family specialty, he could read some animal body language. He was getting Hinata's message right now. "She's just tired."

"Yeah," said Naruto, his gaze flicking over to Kiba. "That's what Iaiiiiiiiiiyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyiiiiiie"

Hinata had abruptly pounced, slammed Naruto to the bench, and then cuddled up against him and went to sleep.

"Oh, so that's what you meant," concluded Kiba.

"uh huh," said Naruto as he tried to straighten up. This was made more difficult because Hinata seemed to have already gone to sleep except for latching onto her 'pillow'.

"Hurrrrrrrrrrrr," sort-of purred Hinata from her new position.

Mizuki's usual pleasant facade was briefly overshadowed by a look of rage and disgust, then covered again.

There were those in the class who noticed however, and who were not inclined to watch the spectacle of a tiger-girl cuddling against a boy.

Most of the class, though, was watching the tiger-girl cuddling up against her squirming pillow.

Sasuke noticed not only how Hinata managed to keep her cuddle-toy at hand, but noticed the various girls noticing those techniques. You didn't need to be a rookie genius to see what was coming, and he immediately started working on escape strategies and tactics.

* * *

Class had finally and mercifully ended, and Naruto shifted the burden around until she was in a 'fireman's carry' position.

Yeah, he was aware of the looks and whispers. He was used to that. The disdain, the hatred, the... Ino Yamanaka opening the door for him?!

"You got your hands full," she said, sounding amused at something.

Naruto found a smile flitting into place and he nodded as he passed the blonde. "Thanks."

* * *

"Danzo-sama!" said the ANBU member. "We've been invaded!"

"Explain," said Danzo, not bothering to wipe his usual sneer off his face.

"Word of Hinata's transformation has reached other villages, who have dispatched spies to watch and report back," said the ANBU member wearing a happyface mask.

"And?" asked Danzo.

"EVERY ninja village has sent a spy," said Happyface.

"Even the tiny nearly-insignificant ones?" asked Danzo, knowing full well how much a drain on resources a full-time spy could be.

"Yessir," said Happyface.

"This is not unexpected," said Danzo. "As they are using spies, have any of their spies recognized spies from other villages?"

"Yessir," reported Happyface. "So the spies are spying on the other spies as well as on young Hinata."

"And our spies are watching the spies who are watching the spies?" asked Danzo.

"Yessir," reported Happyface.

Danzo frowned as a thought popped into his head. "Just in case there are double-agents among our own forces, we should have some of our agents keep an eye on those of our agents who are keeping track of these spies. Since Orochimaru no doubt has spies among these others, it's certainly within his known tactics to do something along those lines. Let me know if there are any discrepencies that may indicate a disloyal member of our forces."

"..." Happyface scratched his head behind the mask. "Uhm. So we should post spies to watch our spies who are watching the foreign spies who are watching the other foreign spies?"

"One can never be TOO paranoid," said Danzo, "and have a senior member go over the reports to look for discrepencies. Don't bother me with it otherwise."

"So we have a Master Spy oversee the spies who watch the spies who observe the spies who are keeping track of the other spies who are spying on Hinata?!" said a confused-sounding Happyface.

"Yes, that sums it up nicely," said Danzo, settling back into his chair again. "Oh. And procure me a small white cat, extra fluffy. I'm working on my image as an evil behind-the-scenes genius."

"Yessir! Rightaway!" said Happyface, managing to convey that he was getting a headache despite the mask.

* * *

It had been a week since her capture and transformation. A week and a day since she'd lost eyesight and clan.

Hinata waited for Naruto to leave, then stripped off her clothes to check herself out in the mirror. Not for reasons of vanity. Because of the changes that had gone through her since that night she'd been kidnapped. She had to see if anything ELSE had changed.

She stretched out one leg, pointing the toes, then rotated her body so that she stood on one leg and pointed the other straight up. Then began a series of stretches as she tested out her flexibility.

She had always been flexible. Now she was more so. She hadn't exactly been a powerhouse before, but she was much stronger now. Stronger and faster and her hand-eye coordination seemed greater. She was still getting used to the strength though, it threw off the aim of her kunai among other things.

She looked herself though, save for the ears and tail and more developed figure and muscle tone.

The tank top and shorts were her new workout outfit and quickly donned. It was odd but once she'd seen them, she had felt they'd be perfect for using her new taijutsu. She didn't have access to the Gentle Fist after all. That required the Byakugan. Her new form had greater strength and speed, as well as seeming to be genuinely tougher, so a more direct style was required. Not that she was going to drop the Gentle Fist in its entirety. The circular movements were perfect for redirecting an opponent's attacks, dodging, and for movement.

So she would have to find a sensei who could advise her on this new path. Fortunately she had a name, and all she had to do was find them now.

* * *

She was currently eleven years old, things having shifted around significantly in the timestream.

She was also someone who'd been kidnapped, had her eyes gouged out of their sockets, and abandoned by both kidnappers and her family. Then Naruto had rescued her, she'd been kidnapped AGAIN, suffered experimentation that had restored her eyesight, and was now training in a style of martial arts that made use of the fact that she was now part-tiger.

Which made it very good for her was that she had a scroll detailing the Tiger Kung Fu Style.

Embuing her claws with chakra, she could slice into things. Once she was better though, she could combine the claws together through her chakra - making them essentially twin curved shortswords that could carve through almost everything. Which would make her a formidable warrior.

Maito Gai was helping her on the times when he was available. You could only learn so much from a scroll after all, and it couldn't correct your stances.

She was still short and slender despite having tigerish qualities, her basic look hadn't changed much at all. Her teeth seemed to look whiter and sharper. The ears atop her head looked more housecat than tiger. Both ears and tail were the same blue-black as her hair. If one looked beneath her clothing, one could see a faint stripe-pattern along her skin that was a few shades different from the rest of her skin tone. Her nails were narrower and thicker.

Her eyes though, those were as striking as they'd been when she'd been a Hyuga. They were golden, without visible whites, surrounding dark round pupils. Surrounding those eyes were dark lines that further brought attention to them. There were many in Konoha who would have trouble meeting that gaze.

Once at Ichiraku's, Naruto had pronounced them cute.

Hinata liked her eyes. She liked Naruto's better, feeling that they were more expressive and that she could watch their azure depths for hours at a time. Yet she DID like her eyes, because she could see very well in low light levels and could see very clearly and in detail.

She could also watch Naruto with those eyes, which usually brought her a sense of peace and contentment.

"Oh my gosh," said Naruto, spoiling the moment. "What did you say?!"

"That someone was kidnapped," said the Third Hokage, glancing towards Hinata. "We're checking into it now."

Hinata felt her chest clench, wondering if it were the same sort of people who were responsible for her having a tail.

"Who was it?" asked Naruto. "Was it anyone I know?"

The Third hesitated and nodded. "It was Sakura Haruno..."

\--------------

AUTHOR'S NOTES: Another idea which just didn't draw a lot of interest. 


	5. Time Twist

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Peggy Sue is a time travel story where the traveler goes into their own past, essentially downloading their future mind into a past body. i've seen a few of these, mainly in Harry Potter and Naruto stories, and decided to try plotting out a different angle to see where it could go.

 

Another Fistful Of Omake: Time Twist

a possibility raised by Greylle

* * *

The courier bird flew away in a manner she could only envy.

It had been over a decade ago now that her hopes and dreams had died when HE had died.

She'd continued on, the bright hope his smile had kindled within her gradually dying. Too many years, too many changes, too much blood on her hands and those of others.

She remembered that as she watched the bird winging away with the message. Her job spying was done now. She wouldn't be able to return to the village though, the alarm would already have been raised. There was only one way for her to end this mission.

Only one freedom left for her. Her family and her father would be pleased that she'd done this much right, she supposed. That she'd been of some use to the village. After her dreams had died, been dragged through the filth, crushed and burned with the intervening years. With the Caged Bird Seal that had been applied to her when Hanabi had come into her inheritance - she couldn't even see as clearly as she once had. Not that it had come as a surprise, her father had done to HIS brother the same thing.

Courtesan training had been tough, but it was a weapon in the arsenal of the mature kunoichi. She had gotten through several missions like that. As one of Hokage Danzo's people had put it, her body was just another thing to use for the betterment of the village. It had made her feel filthy and untrue to the memory of her love, but that was her failure - not his.

After a few missions in which she'd been seduced/seducer, lover, betrayer, and killer - she'd grown a bit colder. Not that anyone could notice as everyone was going through the same things under Danzo's control. The Land Of Fire was more powerful than ever, especially after Danzo killed off the feudal lord in order to hold the reins of power himself.

She let out a deep breath, taking a long knife from the folds of her obi.

Her own father had arranged this marriage, which was a mission. Now the plans for their defenses was winging its way to the village she'd been born in. The village which had once been her home. Where a boy she'd loved had once dwelled.

She wiped the useless tears away. Useless tears from a useless girl. On the other hand, it was surprising that she could still weep. She'd thought she'd long passed that point.

"Naruto," whispered Hinata, pointing the tip of the blade at her throat. Would she see him again on the other side? Could she dare hope?

"THERE SHE IS!" yelled a guardsman, apparently spotting her in the garden.

Hinata took a deep breath, and plunged the dagger in with all her strength.

Everything stopped.

#Do you want to see him again?#

Hinata wondered what was going on. Why wasn't she moving? Had she been hit with a paralysis jutsu? Was even this release denied her? Or had it all finally been too much and she'd gone insane?

#You are not insane. If you could do it all again, if you could avoid this fate. Would you?#

"Yes," whispered Hinata as she found her lips able to move that much. "Oh yes."

#Then you may try.#

"Who?" asked Hinata.

#Does it matter?# said the voice, a gentle-sounding baritone. #This is simply a second chance, we shall not meet again. Everything else is up to you.#

* * *

"Eh?" muttered Hinata as she sat bolt upright and immediately took in her surroundings.

She was... where?

"Are you okay, Hinata? It's not like you to fall asleep like that," said Iruka-sensei from the front of the classroom.

Her eyes wide, Hinata looked around. People she KNEW were dead, were instead sitting at their desks. They were also kids again.

Her vision turned misty as she looked down near the front of the classroom and saw him there. Naruto. Alive.

* * *

She couldn't cry anymore.

The years hadn't been kind to her, but they hadn't been kind to anyone who had ties to the old power structure. The Sixth Hokage, Danzo, had turned out to be a vindictive sort.

She set the guard's body to the side. It wasn't as if she'd had to strike very hard, one finger had been all that was required. No witnesses, that was the order. Danzo's agent had been quite clear. No witnesses meant absolutely no one who saw her could be allowed to identify her afterwards. She replaced the ANBU mask on her face, though it didn't really help and was a pain to breathe through.

She'd seen so many deaths over the past ten years. Naruto, when it had looked like things were finally going his way. Sasuke, after a long and dark road. Others, a blur of faces that haunted her on sleepless nights.

She slipped from the guard shack like a ghost. She had reason to work on her stealth techniques after all. She'd had to kill complete innocents before, even more innocent than a border guard who'd simply spotted what he thought was a cold and lonely young woman who'd been caught in the rainstorm.

Sakura lifted her face into the rain, letting the drops patter against the mask briefly. She couldn't weep, so she'd let the sky weep for her.

She was supposed to be a medic-nin. A HEALER. According to the current philosophy within Konoha, that just meant she'd be all the better service to the community as an assassin. Turned loose to kill.

"So it's you," said a voice.

Sakura dodged to the side as a blast of wind carved the ground she'd just left.

"Did you think you wouldn't be discovered?" asked Temari's voice as the former Sand ninja manuevered around. "The poison-expert Sakura Haruno?"

Sakura snarled at the voice. Like she had a choice?

"You even killed your best friend when it was discovered she was part of a resistance against your precious Hokage!" continued Temari's voice.

Sakura let a faint smile cross her face. At least SHE wasn't giving away her position with pointless talk. Besides, she'd killed Ino rather than see her once-friend under the tender not-so-mercies of the Torture & Interrogation Team.

Which meant Temari was right over THERE!

Sakura leapt, bouncing off a small tree, then another leap towards where her prey was.

"Stop playing around, Leaf-girl," said Temari.

"IDIOT!" said Sakura, leaping out past the tree towards - nothing?!

The wind caught her in mid-leap, slashing at her, throwing her into the ground hard enough that she felt ribs crack. The wind didn't let up though, throwing her back along a path so that she went through the guard shack. As she rolled to a stop she caught a glimpse of a whirlwind gathering up the broken glass and wood that turned them into missiles.

They hit as Sakura tried to scramble to the side. Chunks of glass slashed into flesh, she felt spikes of agony as wooden shards nailed her to the ground.

"I learned to throw my voice," said Temari, walking along the path of destruction. "How does it feel, being the attack dog of a village that has thrown every treaty you've made away?"

"Like I've got a choice in this," said Sakura as she reached around to pull a wooden rod out of her chest.

"Like any of us have any choices anymore?" replied Temari. "Well, good enough. Just stay there and it'll be quick and over with."

There was a quick temptation. Not to have to kill people for no reason other than a glimpse of her face? Not to be part of the new ANBU whose entire purpose was simply to enforce Danzo's whims?

Temari's face expressed several different emotions in quick order, then she simply brought her fan up again. "Rest in PEACE!"

Sakura snarled and threw the kunai that she'd prepared. Even if the winds deflected it, the wind would swirl the poison around.

As predicted, Temari deflected it with a short air burst. The kunai exploded, sending a red mist everywhere.

Sakura relaxed. She'd die. Temari would die. Even the grass here would die. Concentrated King Scorpion Venom was that deadly.

Finally, she could stop killing. Maybe she'd see Sasuke again. Or better yet, Naruto. Sad to know what was valuable only when it was gone.

#Do you want to see him again?#

* * *

She stared around her. Iruka-sensei. Classroom. A young Sasuke, alive, brooding but not showing that insane light in his eyes he would later.

"Are you okay, Sakura?" asked a young boy nearby.

"Na-Naruto?!" asked Sakura, putting the situation together with that weird voice talking about-

-starting over again?

"NARUTO-KUN!" said a brunette blur as she launched herself and then latched on to Naruto with a ferocity that surprised everyone in the class. "Please. Please don't die again."

"EHHHHHHH?!" asked most of the class.

"NARUTO!" exclaimed Sakura, winding back for a punch when things caught up with her again. Hinata wasn't acting as she had back then, was she? Hadn't Hinata been darn near terminally shy?

Which meant - she hadn't been the only one sent back?

Sakura settled for tapping Hinata on the shoulder. Much as she wanted to grab Naruto herself, or hit him, or both. "You remember, we're twelve now. You're using your courtesan training."

"Ehhh?!" asked Hinata, jumping back and turning red. "That is-"

Iruka frowned. What was Hiashi doing, forcing a little girl to have courtesan training?

"I know, it's pretty much automatic due to the training regimen," noted Sakura, realizing that would mess HER up too.

"What's going on?" asked a completely lost Kiba.

"Rowrr rowr," softly growled Akamaru, sniffing heavily.

"We'll talk later then," said Hinata, turning Naruto loose to go back to her seat. Clearly reluctant to do so, but doing it.

"Huh? Wha? What?" asked Naruto, having absolutely no idea what was going on.

Sakura took her seat. They'd have to confer between themselves, figure out what was what. Make plans. A glance at Naruto (still completely at a loss for things) and then at Hinata with a slight nod.

If they actually could change things - there was no way either of them would let it happen again.

* * *

Everyone knew that SOMETHING was going on. Hinata's little display had certainly been a clue of that.

Not that Sakura could blame Hinata. Sakura could admit she'd been about ready to do the same thing.

Once, long ago by her reckoning, she'd said something to Naruto. It hadn't been completely true, but it hadn't been completely a lie either.

She'd confessed that Sasuke turning down the path he had was breaking her heart. She'd confessed that there had been no use loving a missing-nin and a criminal. She'd gone on to tell Naruto that he'd appreciated her, encouraged her, been there for her. That by that point he'd matured, become less the class clown and more the sort of hero who actually had a shot at becoming Hokage as he'd always wanted. He'd actually gone from no-good prankster to someone admirable.

If, as in some old stories, there actually were love potions - she'd have taken one voluntarily to love Naruto back then. To love someone who wasn't breaking her heart and who could love her back. Unfortunately, such things were just old folk tales. Falling in love wasn't something that could be controlled, and falling out of love was just as uncontrolled.

The sound of a tap on concrete behind her announced that Hinata had arrived.

What she didn't expect was a second arrival a moment later.

"So, you too?" asked Sakura, getting a nod in reply.

"Three of us then," said Hinata softly, noting that the third of their little group was Shikamaru Nara?

"This was all a pain the first time through," grumbled Shikamaru.

"So what do we do?" asked Sakura, eyeing the other two. "Go to the Hokage? 'Hey, I know we're twelve year old genin to you, but actually we're fourteen years older than you think we are.' I just don't think that's going to fly."

Shikamaru snorted at that.

"I died on a mission, killing Temari," said Sakura as she eyed Shikamaru.

Shikamaru cocked his head at that. "So there's a chance she 'reset' as well as we did?"

"Yeah," said Sakura, "whether she'll forgive us or not - that's another thing."

Shikamaru nodded. "You were listed as 'presumed dead' - your body never recovered. I died three months later. ANBU felt they had reason to suspect my loyalty."

"Did they?" asked Sakura.

Shikamaru just shrugged as a reply.

"We're loyal to the village," said Hinata softly. "While Danzo feels that loyalty to the village is loyalty to him - not everyone shares his opinion."

"Still keeping track of Naruto?" asked Sakura, suspecting that was why Hinata was as quiet as she was.

"Yes," said Hinata, shifting uncomfortably.

"Let her be," advised Shikamaru to Sakura. "She'd loved Naruto for years, and you didn't see her after his death."

"Actually, I did," said Sakura. Naruto might have been the one cut nearly in half, but it was nearly as bad for Hinata. It had been as if something had withered and died in the Hyuuga. She hadn't come out of it until after her father and sister had returned with news that she was engaged to marry. The Caged Bird Seal had been applied and she'd been thrown into courtesan training before any life had even begun to emerge from Hinata.

Sakura eyed the Hyuga in their midst. "So what are you going to do? I forget, are you even the heir at this point?"

"No," said Hinata. "It isn't official though until I join Team 8 under Kurenai-sensei."

"So, tomorrow then," said Sakura. "That's when they choose the teams. I'll end up with Sasuke and Naruto. You'll end up with Shino and Kiba."

"Yeah, I end up with Ino and Choji," said Shikamaru. "I don't have a problem with that. Our abilities work well together. My immobilization techniques assist Ino's possession technique, Choji rolls over the opposition."

"Which means we could try changing things with the team selection process," suggested Sakura. "I could go with Kiba and Shino, while Hinata could end up on Team 7."

Hinata shook her head. "Kurenai-sensei specifically wanted me on her team. She took a personal interest in me early on, and I got the feeling she disapproved of several things my father did over the years."

"So maybe if we got Naruto into Team 8? Shift Kiba to Team 7?" asked Sakura.

"We could just try and reach the Hokage and try to convince him of our situation," said Shikamaru. "The problem is that we don't know who in his offices may be supplying information to Orochimaru or Akatsuki. Just the way the invasion occurred indicated more than a passing familiarity with the village. As the Chuunin Exam invasion indicated - they weren't familiar with the location of the shelters, but they did know something of our defenses and how to get through the wards without being detected."

"We don't know that much about the state of the wards at that time as it WAS a time when we had a large number of visitors anyway," pointed out Sakura.

The discussion went on from there, each of them coming up with a different plan to use. Finally the decision was made.

* * *

"SOMEONE STOLE THE S-RANK FORBIDDEN JUTSU SCROLL!"

"SOMEONE KNOCKED THE HOKAGE OUT!"

"SOMEONE SAW NARUTO SNEAKING OUT OF THE HOKAGE TOWER!"

"Waitaminute, 'Dead last' Naruto?" asked a voice in the assembled crowd of jonin, chuunin, genin, civilians, etcetera. "Someone who flunked the graduation test three times managed to sneak past all the guards, defeat the HOKAGE, and steal a scroll from inside a sealed vault?!"

All the members of the angry mob looked at each other, trying to figure out who'd said that, and absolutely not think about how incompetent that made them sound.

"Uhm, I had to go to the bathroom, that must have been when he snuck past," offered one of the chuunin.

"Yeah yeah, that's it," muttered several others.

"So you ALL went to the bathroom at the same time?" chided the same voice.

"Uhm, must have been," muttered most of the people present. Unsurprisingly nobody wanted to take responsibility for not having been able to stop Naruto.

"Gee," said the same anonymous (disguised) voice, "it was a good thing it wasn't an assassin from a foreign village or something. Just Naruto pulling yet another prank."

"It must have been the demon fox!" yelled one chuunin.

"Right," said the anonymous voice. "A giant ninetailed demon fox bent on destruction managed to SNEAK past all of you to pull a prank? How many people died because a creature that delights in violence STOLE a scroll?"

"Err," said the one chuunin. "I got a bruise on my pinky from something..."

Dead silence reigned for a moment before a cricket started to chirp.

"You know," said another chuunin, "this makes us look pretty bloody incompetent, doesn't it?"

There were a few thoughtful nods.

"Just find Naruto, would you?" asked the Hokage, who'd spotted Shikamaru using a henge to impersonate his father and a voice-distortion jutsu. Not that he was going to say anything, as the boy had raised an excellent point.

* * *

"Hmmmm, okay," said Naruto. "That's 'Shadow Clone' down. What else is there?"

* * *

"Where the hell IS that brat?" asked Mizuki, so frustrated he was now talking to himself. "Why are there trails leading everywhere?"

Another flash of orange in the trees turned out to be yet another scrap of cloth hanging from a branch.

Mizuki screamed in frustration and continued searching.

* * *

"Ooooooh!" said Naruto. "Bunshin Daibakuha? I can make EXPLODING shadow clones?! Wicked!"

* * *

Hinata placed another piece of orange scrap cloth on another branch, then used her Byakugan to look around again.

Once she was sure she was clear, she went quickly to the next site.

* * *

"Naruto!" called out Iruka, landing next to the genin. Then he spent a couple of moments trying to catch his breath.

"Iruka sensei!" said Naruto happily. "Watch this! I learned THREE techniques from the scroll! Now you've got to let me graduate!"

"Eh?" asked Iruka. "What?"

* * *

Shikamaru went over the rosters. Misdirection and striking when everyone was looking elsewhere was not only a valid ninja tactic, it was less troublesome.

So a henge over a shadow clone and he could be somewhere else while he was here. Back in the Hokage's Tower, altering records.

If it was found, fine. Plan B would have the teams remain the same, which would give Sakura's position on Team 7 a chance to be on hand.

Plan A was rearranging the teams so that Team 8 would be composed of Shino Aburame, Naruto Uzumaki, and Hinata Hyuga.

Shikamaru knew a few things, revealed much later during one of Tsunade's examinations of Naruto after a big fight, and had everyone involved wishing it could have been noticed a lot earlier. Including Naruto. No, make that ESPECIALLY Naruto.

A little known diagnosis of something from one of the tech-kingdoms, the one that provided goods like the radio headsets, had been talked about by a visiting physician. Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. Something that could occur with people whose chakra levels were too high and their bodies not up to handling those amounts. People suffering from it had memory lapses, difficulty concentrating or staying still, tended to be loud and annoying.

When a curative treatment had been applied to Naruto to see what that did, the change in his personality had been startling. Just the increase in his memory and the way he seemed much more observant had been worth it.

The problem was that the treatment required someone medical trained, and it required daily work for several months to do it. Sakura was a medic-nin, so was Hinata to some extent though she'd never trained to that extent with Tsunade. One of the two HAD to be on Naruto's team to address that issue.

Shikamaru worked quickly and then left just as quickly. Plan A or Plan B, either was good. Plan A was simply Plan A because if Hinata spent a lot of time with Naruto, all three of them agreed it was a good thing.

There. Now to get away and establish an alibi or two.

* * *

"Yes, Demon Fox, destroy Konoha!" said Mizuki as Iruka tried to stand.

"YOU'RE WRONG!"

"Eh?" asked Mizuki, Iruka, and Naruto.

"I've watched Naruto for years," said Hinata, stepping out into the forested area where the three had been dialoguing. "He's never cruel. He's never mean. He has a kind heart that never gives up!"

"You've been 'watching me'?" asked Naruto, his hands still ready to make the cross handsign and invoke his shadow clones.

"You've been my inspiration," said Hinata. "When my life was at its darkest and it seemed there was no way out, Naruto, your smile was the light that kept me going."

"Eh?" repeated Naruto.

"Well, I can get some serious money for this scroll, and if I take your eyes, I can get even more," said Mizuki. "I might even make jonin if I take both to one of the other villages."

"That's not going to happen," said Naruto before anything else happened. "Multi-Shadow Clone Jutsu!"

* * *

Sakura was preparing. If Shikamaru was successful Team 7 would be composed of herself, Kiba Inuzuka, and Sasuke Uchiha. If he was not, and Sakura suspected that someone would find the changes before they were announced, she would be there with Naruto and Sasuke for Team 7. The Bell Test would be in two days, followed by several D-Rank Missions, followed by the Wave Country mission, followed by the chuunin exam.

One thing had led to another which led to another. If they changed one thing, everything afterwards might change.

* * *

Sakura exchanged glances with Hinata and Shikamaru, her two accomplices in this timeline revision.

Naruto had the confused look, but when he saw Hinata smile at him and nod her head - he smiled and nodded back. He just went back to confused again.

Iruka Umino came in and found the room unusually quiet. As far as he was concerned it was an overdue improvement. Figured that they'd wait until the day after graduation and before their second test that they'd learn it.

"Sorry I'm a little late. There was a problem with the roster. Okay, the teams are as follows," began Iruka.

Sakura listened, having expected that. Hoped it wouldn't be the case, but that this was the most likely outcome. She, Naruto, and about half the class looked back at Hinata when she let out a disappointed little cry on the announcement of Team 7. Various interpretations went with that, some of which were probably accurate.

Iruka went on, giving off the usual set of graduating genin and their jonin instructors.

"So where is this guy?" asked Naruto as the other genin left with their instructors.

"Kakashi Hatake, also known as the Copy Ninja. High level jonin with over a thousand jutsu he's learned or copied with his Sharingan." Sakura paused at Sasuke's reaction to that. "He had someone on his genin team years ago. I forget the name, but he was an Uchiha and he gave Kakashi his eye when he was dying on a mission."

Sasuke scowled.

"Anyway," continued Sakura. "He has a habit of being late. If it weren't for that Sharingan, he might be known as the Late Kakashi."

"Oh, that could be amusing," said Naruto, deciding it was too good a nickname not to use.

"So, we've most likely got hours before he shows up," said Sakura. "Anyone got any ideas what to do with our time?"

Sasuke scowled and brooded.

Naruto's eyes were more animated as he clearly went over trap possibilities. As before, his eyes settled on an eraser and the sliding door. "Well..."

"No," said Sakura, sitting back, then adjusting her posture because she'd automatically went into a courtesan pose and she didn't have any assets to flaunt at her current age. "You've got time. Come up with something more creative."

"Oh?" asked Naruto.

"Oh, and one thing I want to make clear with both of you," said Sakura. "I don't date team-mates. No dating, no relationships. I've read some of the accounts and that's just a way to screw things up. So, Naruto - don't ask. And Sasuke, I won't ask you. If we make chunin maybe then."

Sasuke momentarily brightened, but then got thoughtful and brooding again.

Naruto spluttered a few times.

"Besides, Naruto, there's a girl already interested in you," said Sakura.

"Really? Who?" asked Naruto.

Sakura raised an eyebrow at him. "After yesterday, you need to ask?"

Sasuke snorted.

"Oh come on," said Naruto. "Can you give me a hint?"

Sasuke looked at Naruto for a moment. "Moron."

"Naruto, you've had most of the village hating you all your life," said Sakura, shaking her head. Had he really been this obstinate and clueless back then? "Don't tell me you haven't noticed the one girl who figured out your secret and likes you anyway."

"You mean, when she stood up to Mizuki and said..." If Naruto's eyes got any wider, he'd be in danger of having them pop out of their sockets. "Hinata?!"

"The light dawns," muttered Sasuke.

"But she... " said Naruto, looking confused and not really understanding.

"Yes, she's a Hyuga. Yes, she's got a kekkei genkai," said Sakura, who spotted the upgrading of confusion and explained further. "She has a bloodline ability. She can see through walls and see behind her and see things farther away than you can. Those white eyes, understand?"

"Oh," said Naruto.

"Yes, she's relatively wealthy," continued Sakura. "Yes, her father is a royal pain who has a freaking permanent rod up his butt and has never said an encouraging word to her in her life. She lost her mother years ago too, and has a good chance of being branded with the Caged Bird Seal and shipped off to their branch family - possibly ending up as a kitchen drudge or something as I don't think they'd bother keeping her as a ninja at this point."

"Uhm," said Naruto, feeling a little nervous as the heat built up in Sakura's voice.

"Yes, she's practically the only girl in the entire village that likes you as a girl likes a boy," said Sakura. "Now, are you going to continue ignoring her and choose to be alone for your entire life, or are you going to start paying attention to her?"

"But, Sakura, I mean, I like-" began Naruto.

"If you say you like me, or do anything like that," interrupted Sakura. "I'm going to belt you so hard that Hinata's going to have to spoon feed you soup because you won't be able to chew ramen."

Naruto's mouth shut with a click. Sasuke made an amused sound.

"Naruto, you're not the brightest kid in class, but you're not a complete moron," said Sakura, throwing up her hands and looking heavenward. "As soon as we pass the second genin test, we'll be ninjas and in life-or-death situations. If the village gets invaded, genin or not, WE will have to protect the village and WE may lose our lives at any given time. I'll help you but you can't afford to be an idiot any more."

"'Second genin test'?" asked Sasuke.

"Yeah, I've heard about it," covered Sakura, realizing she'd slipped up. "There's the Academy tests, and then the jonin-sensei comes up with another test to spring on us. I think they're looking for teamwork or something like that. Individual tests to get out of the Academy, and then to work with a team in order to get accepted for your team."

"First I heard about it," grumped Sasuke.

"Uhm, hello, Sasuke? Ninjas? We're supposed to be sneaky and clever. Misdirection, illusion, and cheating when you can get away with it. That's first year stuff," pointed out Sakura, who found herself wishing that someone had pointed that out to HER the first time around.

"So, if you're right," said Sasuke. "We ought to work out a plan since our sensei has so thoughtfully decided not to show up until later."

"Maybe we can prank our sensei while we're at it," mused Sakura aloud. "Just to practice the whole 'sneaky and clever' ninja skills of course."

Naruto grinned widely at that. "Now you're talking."

* * *

Naruto had no idea where Sakura had gotten the book. Other than a large bookbag. That was his family name though - and it was on something called 'sealing techniques' - which sounded fascinating.

Meanwhile Sakura had gotten Sasuke involved, pointing out that knowing a few things about making traps was useful in their line of work, and a work of art was prepared for their sensei.

Sure enough, their sensei opened the door, stepped in, and was promptly hit with seven erasers and a fried bologna sandwich they'd found in a locker. Oh, and a strawberry pie with whipped cream that had managed to hit dead on his face.

"Okay, my first impression of you guys," said Kakashi. "Is that you've got way too much time on your hands. Also strawberries and whipped cream."

"And whose fault is that?" asked Sakura.

"We'll meet on the roof, as there seems to be a lot of chalk dust in here right now," said Kakashi. "After you clean this up."

* * *

"Okay," said Kakashi Hatake. "Maybe we should start with introductions."

"You're Kakashi Hatake, son of the White Fang, the copy nin, one Sharingan eye, master of a thousand jutsu, whom three of the female ANBU members have rated as 'they'll do anything to see under your mask' and totally hot."

"Really?" asked Kakashi, distracted now as he tried to figure out which ANBU.

"Your favorite reading material is Icha Icha," continued Sakura. "Written by someone who has a connection to Naruto's family, but that's all classified as secret and a genin like myself can't get access to such things."

"So if I can make chunin, I could find out?" asked Naruto.

"That is a long way away," said Sakura. "There are many skills we have to master before we even apply for the chunin exams."

"Oh," said Naruto.

"I'm Sakura Haruno," said Sakura, standing up and doing a two-finger salute towards Kakashi. "One of the top academics from the Academy, studying to be a medic-nin and information specialist."

"That... actually explains a few things," said Kakashi, inclining his head.

"Sasuke Uchiha. I have no goals or dreams. Rather I have a purpose. To kill a certain someone."

"You need to work on that," advised Sakura. "You need to kill someone - to crush them utterly and painfully. To make them cry and plead for death before you finally show them the mercy of a cold kunai. Something like that. Ninja have to do things with a certain style, after all."

"Oh," said Sasuke, cocking his head. "Point."

"Then again, I'd expect you discover all sorts of secrets and hidden agendas involved - as this IS about ninjas," said Sakura. "You have to find the truth under the lies, the secrets in the shadows."

Sasuke frowned and considered that.

"You might even say 'look underneath the underneath'," supplied Kakashi.

"I'm Naruto Uzumaki! My dream is to become Hokage," said Naruto.

"...and date Hinata-chan," added Sakura.

"Uhm, maybe, I guess," said Naruto. "Why are you so set on that anyway?"

"One," said Sakura, holding up one finger. "She's a nice girl. If you get her past the shyness - she'll develop into a stronger kunoichi with resources that can really help you out on the way. Two. You'd make a cute couple. She's quiet and shy, you're loud and confident. If you two develop a relationship - both of you will benefit. Three. You annoy me when you're trying to date me. If you and Hinata get together - I get less annoyance. Do you want me to continue?"

"Uhm, no," said Naruto. "That's okay."

"I'll go one more. Four. If I hear you're snubbing a girl who loves you because you're a stubborn idiot who can't simply drop chasing me after I've told you repeatedly I'm not interested - you will be volunteering for my medical studies," said Sakura.

"Oh?" asked Naruto hopefully.

"Which means that I will break every bone in your body repeatedly so that I can try to put them back together again and get practice with that."

"Oh," said Naruto.

"Do you understand what it is I am saying to you?" asked Sakura sweetly.

"Yes, ma'am!" responded Naruto.

"Good," said Sakura.

"Maybe he could date Ino?" asked Sasuke, enjoying this enormously. "I could use a few less fangirls after me."

"If Hinata rejects him for some reason, that would be a fine possibility," said Sakura agreeably.

* * *

Three of them had returned to the past.

Shikamaru Nara walked in the shadows, the only one suspecting him at all was Choji - and he'd explain something of it later to Choji. The two of them were best friends and trusted each other completely. Not the full story, of course. But a few details, and then Choji would help cover for any slips that were made.

Hinata Hyuga was not so lucky as to be able to conceal the changes in her. Her family was used to her acting a certain way, and changes from that brought suspicions. She tried to act the way she had, way back then. It was so long ago, and so much had changed.

Hinata knew that she could only avoid her family for so long.

She was also quite aware of Kurenai Yuhi's scrutiny. Kurenai had known her for years. Kurenai had been a chunin who had watched the child at the Academy where clan guardians were at least frowned at. (Mostly this was because if clan retainers and guardians attended the Academy - ALL the clans would do it and things would get very crowded and out of hand.)

Sakura could avoid her parents easily enough. Some things were obviously changed, but as her parents were NOT ninja, she had the easiest time handwaving off any changes.

* * *

"Uhm, Kakashi-sensei isn't here?" asked Naruto, arriving late himself.

"Pfeh," said Sasuke.

"What was that? You wanna-" Naruto was quick to bristle.

"Knock it off, Naruto!" said Sakura. "You want respect? You'll have to earn it. Showing up LATE is not going to get you that respect."

"But I was up late and I..." Naruto's voice trailed off.

"Excuses are just a way of shifting blame. Don't want scolded? Don't be late!" Sakura nodded as she caught Naruto's reaction. He was taking her seriously, for now at least. Good. The earlier he got over some of his bad habits, the better. "Now, how far have you gotten on the fuuinjutsu?"

"Uhm," said Naruto, looking around.

"Like I said yesterday," said Sakura, flicking in and out a peculiar sort of knife absently, "Kakashi-sensei is chronically late. He's got issues, but then so do just about any jonin level ninja."

"Well, I got to this stuff here about the elemental chakra," said Naruto. "I'm not sure I get it though."

"Oh, I can explain that," said Sakura. "Let me show you."

* * *

Kakashi explained the purpose of the bell test, not the hidden one - though he had an idea that Sakura had already figured it out.

The three were acting atypical of what he'd suspected.

Sakura, far from being an obsessed fangirl with a hair-trigger temper, was showing signs of a confident kunoichi with a major flair for information gathering.

Naruto was less loud and more confused than Kakashi had expected. It was as if he had been thrown off balance by Sakura and was being kept off that balance enough that his confidence had gotten a bit more cautious. Which was a good thing for a ninja actually.

Sasuke was also showing signs of having things go in unexpected directions, though he was more subtle about it. Still brooding, hanging off to the side, but every so often would look at Sakura as if trying to figure out where the annoying fangirl had gone and put some actually useful individual in her place. Probably not used to being ignored as much as he was.

"Go after you with killing intent, otherwise we don't stand a chance," said Sakura after Kakashi had finished. "Okay, got it. You two got it?"

"Yep," said Naruto, grinning confidently.

"Hnn," said Sasuke, apparently agreeing.

"So, since you ARE a jonin, and you ARE Kakashi Hatake," said Sakura, "the infamous 1000-jutsu copy ninja who has never taken a genin team - we have to work together and go all out."

Kakashi shrugged, deciding that his initial assessment based on school records was all wrong. Sakura was the one he had to watch out for.

"Okay," said Naruto, darting forward.

Kakashi casually disarmed Naruto and forced him to the ground. "I didn't say to start yet."

He was keeping an eye on Sakura, so he didn't miss the smirk that flitted across her face. That was worrisome right there.

"Begin," said Kakashi, leaping away to give himself a little room.

All three leapt away, heading in different directions. Which looked entirely too rehearsed to be just a reaction. Sakura's information gathering again, no doubt.

Then he heard Naruto's voice saying something and that was followed by two dozen Naruto leaping out of the bushes and charging him. A throw of kunai and-

BOOM!

Kakashi's visible eye went wide and he quickly pushed his headband off his Sharingan eye. With an active Sharingan he quickly confirmed that he wasn't facing simple bunshin. Nor was he facing kage bunshin. No, he was facing Bunshin Daibakuha. EXPLOSIVE shadow clones.

Kakashi leapt, dodged, threw kunai, and otherwise exerted himself a lot more than he thought he would have to. Fortunately, this was-

With a battlecry, two dozen MORE explosive shadow clones charged out of the brush.

Landing out on the water, Kakashi began racing through hand-seals. An area effect attack at range seemed the best approach.

* * *

"Crap," said Sakura as a plan fell apart. "As long as he's using the waterwalking technique, we're going to have trouble sneaking up on him."

"I could go under and approach him from there," suggested Sasuke.

"He'd sense the pressure waves from below," said Sakura. "I think Plan B is going to have to be used."

"I'll let Naruto know, but I don't see how having him fake an epileptic fit while doing a partial henge to a furry is going to throw this guy offguard," said Sasuke.

* * *

Kakashi had finally figured out where the real Naruto was hiding, and had used a rapid movement technique to come up behind him and throw a genjutsu on him. "Genjutsu. One of the three techniques..."

Naruto screamed like a lost soul and started twitching and rolling around on the ground.

"Okay, that's different," said Kakashi.

Fox ears and a fox tail popped out on Naruto. Fur began spreading over Naruto's body.

"WHAT?!" said Kakashi, leaping back and uncovering his Sharingan again. Waitaminute, that was a henge.

Kunai with wires shot past him on all sides, coming from two different directions so as to cover different angles.

Then Sasuke was in front of Kakashi, going through hand seals quickly. "Katon: Gōkakyū no Jutsu!"

Another substitution and he was out of the trap, but he hadn't even had a chance to get his book out yet.

* * *

Kakashi looked over the three. Naruto was still trapped in a simple genjutsu, NOT the Hell Viewing Technique. Against Sakura or Sasuke, sure. Against Naruto unless he was DAMN sure the prisoner would stay a prisoner - not so much.

There was taking risks, and there was taking foolish risks.

"Lesson two: Taijutsu," said Kakashi, twisting out of the range of Sasuke's taijutsu and quite aware that Sakura was holding kunai with explosive notes tied to the rings of said kunai. He then proceeded to whomp Sasuke's butt by grabbing the arm extended in a punch. "Boot to da head."

The jonin instructor then moved out of the way of the path of the kunai, frowning under his mask when the expected explosions did not occur.

Kakashi turned to Sakura, who held her hands up in a horse seal. Then she wavered like mist and was gone.

"Oh hoh," said Kakashi. So she knew a bit of genjutsu? Well, that was easily dealt with. "Kai!"

Sakura was kneeling next to Naruto. "Kai!"

"Lesson three: Ninjutsu," instructed Kakashi, tossing a smoke bomb down. "Doton: Moguragakure no Jutsu."

Now to see what these little genin came up with. So far, they had actually been impressive for snot-nosed brats straight out of the Academy.

* * *

"He's kicking our butts," said Naruto.

"I told you he could, but we've made him flee underground," said Sakura. "No doubt he's planning his next move. If it was me, I'd do a replacement to get out of the ground and attack from a different direction. Kakashi though - I'd expect him to use an attack from below in order to drag his next target underground."

Sasuke made a grunt that sounded like agreement.

Sakura looked around at the ground, looking for the traces that would indicate an exact location. "Since he attacked Sasuke with taijutsu, Naruto with genjutsu, I'd expect him to come after me next with ninjutsu."

"So, Plan A was a bust, Plan B failed," said Sasuke. "Got a Plan C?"

Sakura grimaced. She was very limited in what she could do at this time. Not only was she trying to keep her time travel secret, but her chakra reserves weren't up to where they needed to be to pull off anything impressive. She couldn't even use Tsunade's strength technique without better control than she had at present. "Well, we can tryyyyyyyyyyyyyyaiiiiiiiiii!"

Sasuke looked down at the hole that had resulted from Sakura being pulled underground.

"Maybe her plans haven't been working out, but she's been predicting the way things have been going pretty good," pointed out Naruto.

"Like that's doing any good," said Sasuke, leaping up into a tree to give himself a better field of vision and also remove him from a similar underground attack.

"Actually," said Naruto, "there IS one thing I can try. Shadow Clone Jutsu!" That way Kakashi-sensei might attack one of the clones instead of him.

* * *

Sakura had a moment of panic when bad memories of similar events threatened to overwhelm her. In her panic, she used one of the higher level jutsu she knew.

She immediately passed out from chakra exhaustion as the jutsu went off.

Kakashi still had a hold of her unconscious form when he broke out of the ground, then proceeded to tend to his own wounds.

"Earth Spikes, eh?" said Kakashi eventually to the completely limp Sakura. Had she not known about the chakra cost somehow, or had she panicked? Considering the way she'd acted when he had pulled her under, Kakashi considered the latter most likely. Claustrophobic or scotophobic? Maybe, in which case it was something to keep in mind and to try to work on with her. The whole thing about phobias was that it was an unreasoning fear after all, one that caused the panic to overwhelm rational response. Which pretty much seemed to sum up her reaction.

Kakashi paused as he realized he'd already considered this team as having passed.

Meh, he'd better go inform the other two so they could get Sakura medical help.

* * *

Naruto didn't think Sakura would mind if he waited by her bedside for her to wake up. This fuuinjutsu stuff needed to be studied anyway. Just the implications for making different explosive tags was interesting. The problem was that he didn't know what his chakra elemental affinity was - or even if he had one. Maybe Sakura would turn out to know a way of figuring that out when she woke up.

* * *

**_ AUTHOR'S NOTES: _ **

Just another idea that came to me after reading some of the other time travel fics and thinking about what hadn't been done.


	6. manga 450 reply

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> was chapter 12 at fanfiction.net - this was written in response to events in the manga, and was just meant to be a little joke extra at the end of a story. Which was originally how i was doing omake all those years ago.

_Around Chapter 450:_

Naruto drowsed, not sure WHAT was keeping him awake. He'd spent a good deal of time and effort working on repairs of the village, so he certainly had the accomplishment of a good day's work.

Looking up at his ceiling, Naruto finally put it all down to a single individual. Something that had been said.

Hinata.

She'd gone from gloomy weird girl, but kinda cute to a definitely cute girl. Though those eyes were still a bit strange.

What was it that she'd said...

It all abruptly clicked together, and Naruto's eyes widened.

_I wanted to be with you._

She couldn't have meant -

_I made the wrong turns so many times, but you helped me find my way and take the correct path, Naruto._

-no. She couldn't have meant.

_I always chased after you. I wanted to catch up to you._

Could she have?

_I wanted to walk beside you all the time?_

She  could have meant THAT, couldn't she...

_I want to be at your side, always._

That... oh dear. Kakashi-sensei. Kakashi-sensei would know.

* * *

"You're doomed," said Kakashi. "The question is what are you going to do about it?"

"Uhm," said Naruto. "I dunno. That's why I'm asking you."

"Well, you know what happened with Asuma and Kurenai," said Kakashi after pondering it.

"Yeah," said Naruto. _If I die, will she be as stricken as Kurenai-sensei was? Didn't she say she didn't regret the time with Asuma - because at least they'd had some time together?_

Naruto nodded. He had his decision.

* * *

"N-Naruto-kun?" asked Hinata sleepily, rubbing her eyes. "What is it?"

"Yes," said Naruto.

"'Yes'?" asked Hinata, realizing she wasn't completely awake but wasn't sure if this would make sense even if she was.

"I'm sorry I didn't answer you sooner. Yes, Hinata," said Naruto, stepping closer.

Whatever sense she was trying to make out of this late night. Naruto was so close! He was looking so seriously at her! His eyes were that sky-blue and looking into her own! Was this a dream and she was still asleep?!

"I would have preferred to spend more time with you first, but things are getting really serious now," said Naruto as he leaned a little closer to her.

Hinata was trying very hard not to faint. She had to be asleep. Otherwise Naruto wouldn't be close to her like this. His arms wouldn't go around her like this. His head wouldn't lower so that his lips could press against her own.

His lips were chapped. He tasted of ramen. It was clumsy and his nose bumped her own.

Hinata would later decide to label the moment Wonderful.

"Meep," said Hinata when Naruto had disengaged liplock. Her higher functions were still rebooting and any response she made was not going to be particularly coherent.

* * *

around chapter 469:

Naruto stared. "Wha- what - did you just say, Sakura?! I think I must have misheard you. Say it once more."

"Naruto, I said I love you!" responded Sakura, looking at the way the snow was falling around them. "I said I don't care about Sasuke anymore! And I was crazy to ever love him. Can't you at least listen when someone's pouring out their heart to you?"

Naruto shook his head. "Why? Why? If this is a joke, it isn't funny Sakura. Besides, what about Hinata?"

"It's... Hinata?" asked Sakura.

"Yeah, we're engaged," said Naruto. "She proposed to me back when she was trying to save me from Pain."

"Wha?" asked Sakura as her plan abruptly collapsed.

"Damn!" said Kiba. "When Hinata finally moves, she MOVES."

"Congratulations," said Kakashi.

"Yeah, well, when-" began Naruto.

"Waitaminute!" said Sakura. "What about me?"

"Oh come on, Sakura," said Naruto. "I know you're not over Sasuke. Believe me, I know how hard it is to get over being in love. You can't just change that sort of thing overnight."

"Still getting over Sakura yourself?" asked Kiba.

"Well, yeah," admitted Naruto. "On the other hand, all I have to do is encourage Hinata a little bit and she's not fainting around me anymore. She can be really fun, you know? Wish she'd said something earlier."

"So that's why you've been so cheerful lately," said Kakashi. "Found something to live for."

Naruto just grinned foxily.

"But I thought you were in love with me," said Sakura.

"Well, yeah," admitted Naruto. "I've been in love with you for years. Why do you think I asked you out every day for three years while we were in the Academy? That's the main reason I hated Sasuke for years. That's why when I finally realized you were in love with Sasuke, I promised to bring him back. I realize how much it hurts to love someone who doesn't love you, that's why I'm trying my best to fall in love with Hinata. I already like her, so it's going better than I did with you back then."

"But-" Sakura tried to figure out what Plan B was.

Hinata abruptly landed behind Sakura.

"But-" said Sakura, trying to work out a separate plan.

"I-it's okay, Naruto, Sakura," said Hinata shyly.

"Eh?!" asked most of the ninja there, thinking Hinata was giving up.

"I-I can share," said Hinata, blushing and dragging her toe through the snow.

"What?" asked a wide-eyed Naruto.

"What?!" asked a startled and off-balance Sakura.

"WHAT?!" squeaked out most of the other shinobi present.

Kakashi abruptly turned to Naruto, gave him a thumb's up, then lowered his head to whisper in Sakura's ear.

Getting a determined look in her face, Sakura nodded. "Hinata. We have to do this."

"Right," said Hinata.

"For Naruto's sake," said Sakura.

"Right," said Hinata.

"Eh?" asked Naruto, completely in shock.

Almost as if choreographed, Sakura stepped forward and grabbed Naruto's left arm. Hinata moved forward and grabbed his right arm. The two then moved off, dragging Naruto between them.

"Okay," said Kiba in a particularly dry tone. "I didn't see THIS coming."

"Well, that's one way to keep Naruto from fighting Sasuke," admitted Kakashi. "You know, if Jiraiya was watching this from the afterlife, he'd be inspired to write an entire new volume of his series."

* * *

_Later:_

"Kakashi," said Sasuke, looking at the crowd from Konoha.

"Sasuke, you've been declared missing-nin and the order is to terminate you," said Kakashi.

"So you're going to try?" sneered Sasuke.

"Not with Madara there, or is it Tobi?" asked Kakashi. "If you get injured he'll just teleport you away."

"So you know that there's no way you can beat me," said Sasuke, his sneer actually going up a couple of notches.

"Oh, Naruto's already beaten you," answered Kakashi.

"Excuse me?" asked Sasuke. "He's not even here."

"No, he isn't," said Kakashi. "Apparently Hinata Hyuga finally confessed her love."

"So he's..." Sasuke's voice trailed off. "He's missing a fight with ME because of some third rate kunoichi."

"Well, she's not exactly the most skilled," said Kakashi, throwing an arm out to bar Kiba from interfering. "But she's better than she was."

"Yeah right," said Sasuke, back to sneering.

"She also proposed to him," said Kakashi.

"...I'll send flowers," said Sasuke, a little put off by this unexpected development.

"And then Sakura confessed she was dumping you to go after Naruto," added Kakashi.

"What?" asked Sasuke, feeling unfamiliar feelings rise up within him.

"The two kunoichi in question spent the last three days getting acquainted with Uzumaki," stated Shino. From his voice he might as well have been reporting the weather forecast. "Apparently Naruto was able to wear them both out."

"What? Naruto? BOTH of them?" asked a clearly shocked Sasuke.

"Then a third girl... well, you don't need all the details, I'm sure," said Kakashi.

"Three, no, foursome?" asked Sasuke, mind appropriately boggled.

"So it doesn't matter what you do, or claim, or manage with your Sharingan," said Kakashi cheerfully. "Naruto's already beaten you."


	7. Blue Light of Hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Naruto's path is changed and he gains the power of Heart. I mean Hope.

**Another Fistful Of Omake**

by Greylle

DISCLAIMER: Original series belong to someone else.  
NOTE: The following are just ideas that are not currently being pursued. Anyone wanting to use or continue them are welcome to, just credit me for the initial twist OK?

Omake 16: Light of Hope  


* * *

He'd died. He'd died and gone to Hell. That explained the Kyubi being present. The Kyubi being present in anthropomorphic form, sitting at the same table, and pouring himself a little shot of sake from a little ceramic jar into a saucer - maybe.

The cat-being describing this as a 'Starbase' not so much. This was all just weird.

The dying part he remembered though. Dying was painful. He really couldn't recommend it to anyone.

The cat brought up a display. "Here's the changepoint. You remember the mission to Wave Country, right?"

"Building bridges, right," said Naruto.

"Major changepoints are here and here," said Toltiir, bringing images up in holographic displays. "Zabuza severing your spinal cord, for example, would only require a slight change in technique."

" **Leaving the boy paralyzed for life is NOT exactly a positive change,** " pointed out the Kyubi.

"That's just an example," said the cat. "There are multiple timelines constantly branching off and merging with other timelines. Manipulating the timestream is easiest at these points - and each point normally only has a limited range that it can be changed. For example, if I gave you an Aura Of Cool or Aura Of Sex Appeal which would be funnier in the long run?"

"Aura of Sex Appeal?" asked Naruto.

" **Okay. Mind you, that won't kick in really until after the time skip.** "

"After the what?" asked Naruto.

"Now, after your insertion, you won't remember the future except in flashes and dreams. Maybe after you have gotten used to your new abilities, I'll put in a trigger and you can have full memories return at that point if you use it." Toltiir made a gesture and the Kyubi faded out.

"Waitaminute, what's this about an aura and what's a timeskipper and it's got a trigger?" asked a confused Naruto.

"You need to work on keeping up with things. Once you fall behind, you can't always catch up. Let's see. Maybe if we go with something other than the Should Have Been Fatal injury..."

"Hey!" complained Naruto.

"Now let's see, why not go ahead and do something a bit different. Maybe - this."

* * *

"Are we there yet?" asked Naruto.

"For the thousandth time - NO!" said Sakura, bopping Naruto on the top of his head.

"Actually, it's only been a dozen times," muttered Kakashi.

Naruto frowned as suddenly Sakura seemed a lot less cute for reasons he had no idea.

"It's getting late," noted Kakashi in a more normal voice. "We'll have to set up a campsite soon."

"That and it looks like it'll rain," said Naruto, pointing out that the cloud cover had been getting more ominous for the past few hours.

There was a rumbling and a gust of wet wind, prompting Sakura to bop Naruto on the head and mutter something about Tempting Fate.

"So Wave Country is more than a day away?" asked Sakura.

"Yes," said Kakashi. "Three days travel. We'll be able to cut time considerably on the way back though since we won't have to keep to a normal walking pace for Tazuna."

"Good," said Tazuna. "Huh. I don't remember that there."

Everyone followed the bridgebuilder's pointing finger to show something just off the path to their right.

Kakashi looked at the two statues near the road, bordering a faint path leading onto the shrine grounds. "Some sort of cat spirit?"

"Yes, the cat of chaos, patron of humor."

"WAGHHHH!" screamed Naruto and Sakura as they leapt away from the short ugly monk who was suddenly just THERE.

_Thud!_ Tazuna fainted.

The short fellow looked at the twitching Sasuke. "Your face is... most ominous."

Sakura recovered enough to try punching the little monk who'd just insulted Sasuke. She was NOT ready for the little guy to stop her punch with one hand without even looking in her direction. She certainly wasn't ready for him to fling her away like a rag doll.

"Attacking a monk is bad luck," pointed out the little guy, clapping his hands together and rustling a string of prayer beads. "So it is written."

Kakashi considered the way Sakura had been thrown to impact a tree and gradually slide down to land on her buttocks. "So you're a retired ninja?"

"I'm merely Sakuranbou, a monk and caretaker of this shrine. My niece Sakura is the miko but she is currently out doing an exorcism," said the little monk. "If you prefer, I am frequently called Cherry."

"Sounds like a girl's name," opined Naruto.

_THWACK jingle_

Sasuke eyed where Naruto was now face-first in the dirt, having had the monk produce his staff and bring it down on Naruto's head in less time than it took to blink. "He had that coming."

Cherry shook his head. "Well, come in. The rain won't hold off for long and I'm well acquainted with the way old bones get when out in the rain."

"I'm not THAT old," protested Kakashi.

"I meant that one," said Cherry, using his staff to point at the still-fainted Tazuna.

"I don't like this, Kakashi-sensei," said Sakura as she rejoined them. "It could be a trap."

"Hmph," said Cherry, turning his back on all of them. "Come. Or don't come. Make your mind up quickly. In this area, the rains can be pretty heavy."

Sakura waited until the little guy had gone through the doorway before commenting. "Well, maybe it won't rain at all!"

Kakashi sighed and hung his head. He just KNEW what was going to happen now.

Naruto held his hand out. "Hey. I just felt a raindrop."

Sasuke sighed and picked up one of Tazuna's arms. "Dobe?"

"Yeah yeah," said Naruto, grumbling as he picked up the other arm of Tazuna.

"It's not much of a rain," protested Sakura.

Kakashi was abruptly in the doorway, checking it out to make sure it wasn't a trap. That he was therefore under cover before the heavens opened up and a torrential rainpour began was purely a coincidence. A strong wind began to blow, whipping the rain around in gusts.

Sakura stood there for over a minute before the now-soggy kunoichi turned her face heavenward. "You call THIS a rainstorm? This is nothing!"

The wind gusted particularly strong, enough that it threw her into a tree. Then lightning struck.

* * *

"That looks like medic-nin healing," commented Kakashi.

"Hmph, you ninja. Everything looks like ninjutsu to you," said Cherry, his hands glowing with green light as he healed the girl's wounds. "Honestly. I told you at the outset this was a shrine to a god of humor. Daring that god to hit you? She should be glad she just got a near-miss from a lightning strike."

"You can heal wounds like that? That's cool," said Naruto as he watched.

"Like your ninjutsu, this is chakra-based," explained Cherry. "I am a monk however, and do with spiritual powers what you do with hand-seals and ninja technique."

"Ungh," said Sakura. "What?"

"So it IS like medical jutsu," said Kakashi.

"I've heard some of your medic-nin use similar techniques," admitted Cherry. "It just bothers me that anyone using chakra for anything automatically becomes a ninja as far as a ninja is concerned. Not everyone who trains to be able to use chakra is comfortable with the whole 'knife in the shadows' lifestyle you know."

"Well, that's true," admitted Kakashi. "Not even all ninja are particularly fond of that lifestyle."

"Hmph," hmphed Cherry, getting up as soon as he'd finished. "I suppose. Retirement benefits probably suck. Someone want to start the fire? Getting damn chilly."

Sasuke shrugged slightly, walked to the firepit, and spat a little flame into the stack of wood.

"I'll get the kettle," said Cherry finally. "It's nice to have guests. Don't get much traffic this way. Especially lately."

Tazuna saw this as his cue and started in on the troubles with Wave and That Damn Gato.

Cherry listened as he prepared an iron teapot and put it on a hook that allowed it to dangle above the fire. "Well, that explains a few things, I suppose."

"Maybe if I finish building the bridge, you'll get more business," said Tazuna.

"Hmph. If you finish the bridge, send word. I'll come by and bless it," said Cherry. "More business for you, more business for me."

Sakura looked around the old-seeming shrine, noticing the large wooden cat-statue against one wall, as well as the blankets that had been spread out.

"So what kind of business do you do?" asked Kakashi, still regarding everything around him and debating how likely this place was.

"When I'm not here, I put up a ward that makes people not notice this shrine, then I go out and do exorcisms and blessings and the like for the most part," said Cherry. "When I'm here, I can do those and weddings. The occasional sealing of dangerous items, removing of curses, typical priest stuff. Though often people will come here for wishes instead."

"'Wishes'?" asked Naruto.

Cherry nodded as he poked at the fire, adding another stick in the process. "Yes. Wishes. There's always a price though, a law of equivelant exchange. You have to give something to get something. And there's the dubious wisdom of asking a god of mischief and practical jokes to grant a wish."

"That's true in everything," said Kakashi, eyeing his students. "In order to get very good at chakra control, you have to practice. That's a sacrifice of time, energy, and effort. Same with taijutsu."

"Yes," said Cherry with a nod. "Natural talent can give you a good start, but it will only go so far."

"Hnn," grunted Sasuke.

"So if I wish I was Hokage?" asked Naruto.

"Hmph, you couldn't afford it, nor should you want to get it that way," said Cherry. "Kids. So impatient."

"True," agreed Kakashi.

"Wishes, huh?" asked Naruto. "How about I wish for a big bowl of ramen?"

Cherry tapped the kettle, pulled a cup of ramen out of one sleeve, and then proceeded to produce several UFO bowls out of his OTHER sleeve.

Naruto blinked as the monk began pouring water into bowls.

"Did you say something?" asked Cherry.

"Uhm, no," said Naruto, exchanging glances with the others.

Cherry shrugged. "I was expecting visitors, but didn't really feel like cooking anything. Especially when one of them would have such an ominous face."

Sasuke frowned at the reminder.

* * *

Night had fallen, and the torrential rain was more of a constant drizzle as if the clouds couldn't bother to put forth the effort to do a real rainstorm.

"Uhm, hey, oldguy?"

Cherry looked up from his poking of the fire. "Why aren't you asleep with the others?"

"Well, because this is my turn at watch," said Naruto.

"Ah, I see," said the old monk.

"Uhm, since you're awake, can I ask you something?" asked Naruto.

"You just did," pointed out Cherry. "You have a most ominous chakra. The other boy has a most ominous face. And the girl has a most ominous temper."

"Boy you can say THAT again," agreed Naruto.

"No, too easy," said Cherry. "Not touching that one."

"Eh?" asked Naruto.

"What do you want, loudmouth?" asked Cherry.

"Eh? Why do you call me..."

"Respect, you have to give it to get it," said Cherry, poking at the fire again. "If I'm 'oldguy' you'll be 'loudmouth' right?"

"...but oldguy..."

"Hmph, if you're asking for favors or information, you're not doing a good job of it," said Cherry, shaking his head. "Not completely your fault. That ominous chakra is screwing with your brain. Making you dumber than you otherwise would have been."

"You mean... it's giving me brain damage?!" asked Naruto.

_That would explain a few things,_ thought Kakashi as he listened to the conversation.

"Hmph, you should have a seal master put an extra filter on that," said Cherry.

"You said that your god here granted wishes?" asked Naruto, deciding that beating around the bush wasn't his style anyway. Besides, what kind of bush was it he was supposed to beat around and why would you do it in the first place?

"Yes, though there's always a payment for any wish," said Cherry. "If you make a wish, I will know what the payment for it will be."

"What if I wish... that I wasn't getting that brain damage stuff?" asked Naruto, his voice dropping from hushed to barely whispered.

"Stop wearing so much orange," said Cherry.

"Wha?" asked Naruto.

"-and would it kill you to learn to actually be stealthy?" asked Cherry, who then quietly clapped his hands together three times. "So says the god of pranks and mishaps."

"R-really?" asked Naruto. "But all I've got is orange jumpsuits!"

"I'd suggest a wardrobe change then," said Cherry. "Though that's just my advice. Safety-cone orange is good for getting noticed. Not so good for trying to stay alive when people are actively trying to kill you. Which is part of the ninja lifestyle and one of the reasons I'm not a ninja."

"...ugh," said Naruto. "Well, what about if I wish I was really strong? A future Hokage's got to be really strong, you know!"

Cherry's head came up, and Naruto took three steps back. The monk's eyes were glowing but it couldn't seem to settle on a color.

" **Let those asleep remain asleep. Let those awake hear and remember,** " said the oddly reverberant voice of the priest. " **Know this, carrier of the Demon Fox. You are a child of prophesy and may become the savior of the ninja world. Against you will be arrayed formidable enemies - enemies whose power is such that you might as well be a newborn babe.** "

"So I'll just have that much more chance to be awesome, right?"

" **Or dead. Which is actually even more likely.** "

Images appeared in the air. Naruto getting a kunai thrust into the back of his head. Naruto getting strangled in ninja-wire. Naruto getting his head twisted around so that he could look at his own backside. Naruto getting decapitated. Naruto getting spikes through every part of his body. Naruto getting flash-fried.

"You can't see any happier possibilities?" asked Naruto weakly, deciding he didn't want to see those images and looking away.

" **I can see all of your possibilities, child of the Uzumaki clan. The question is what possibilities you will embrace. You are only getting this conversation because you ARE so important to the future of this world. So other than suggesting to your sensei that he start teaching more earnestly, I'm going to suggest that YOU come up with a specific desire. What boon do you want?** "

Kakashi raised an eyebrow but otherwise continued to feign sleep. He was pretty sure though that the only one he was fooling was Naruto at this point.

"What's it gonna cost me?" asked Naruto.

" **You can only eat ramen for one meal a week...** "

"Ack, no!" reacted Naruto.

" **Stop letting the pinkette pound you. That and the fart jokes get old really fast. I'm billions of years old, and bodily process humor wore thin after the first millenia.** "

"But..." Naruto's eyes immediately tracked to the sleeping Sakura.

" **For crying out loud, use more imagination when you prank someone! You're not in grade school anymore.** "

"Hey," protested Naruto.

" **And specify how you want to be improved, make the wish.** "

"Oh yeah," said Naruto, getting tired of this. "Well, I just wish..."

" **Yes?** "

"I want to be even more awesome than I am now!" declared Naruto.

" **You think you're awesome in this land of ninja and ninjutsu? Observe.** "

Kakashi saw them all just as Naruto did. One ninja technique after another. Each of which was, as promised, possessed of awesomeness. Though, for some reason, some of the attacks didn't look like ninjutsu at all. Kakashi was just sorry that he wasn't able to use his Sharingan to copy any of them.

" **Ice Release: Thousand Needles. Wind Scar. Storm Release: Laser Circus. Silent Wall. Sage Mode Rasengan. Sage Art: Goemon. Susanoo. Amaterasu. Yata No Kagami. Explosive Shadow Clones. Heaven's Lance. Amatsu-Mikaboshi. Daikokuten. Lava Release: Lava Globs. Bansho Ten'in. Shinra Tensei. Two Tailed Monster Cat Fireball. Menacing Ball. Wood Release. Kirin.** "

"Whoa," said Naruto.

" **There are a lot more. Your claim to be awesome is what, exactly?** "

"Wait... am I going to be fighting people who can do that?" asked Naruto, putting some comments together and finding a result that had him feeling a lot less confident.

" **At least some of them. Yes. And more. The kage of Iwa can use a disintegration technique that would turn you to dust and less than dust in an instant. The person who most wants you dead could simply destroy your mind, leaving your body behind for him to play with at his leisure.** "

THAT got to Naruto as the idea of dying pretty much terrified him, but the idea of something perverted happening to him while he was helpless made him even less happy. Of course, the 'play with at his leisure' wasn't referring to anything at all of that nature - but Toltiir thought the boy's reaction amusing.

Kakashi tried not to vomit inside his mask as his OWN imagination worked through various scenarios, with rather more detail than Naruto could manage.

" **You are not currently awesome, Naruto.** "

"Oh yeah?" said Naruto. "Shadow Clone Jutsu!"

The cat statue looked around at the various Naruto and then back at the original. " **Yeah, so?** "

"Harem jutsu!" declared Naruto, making the hundred or so shadow clones all unclad female versions who then cooed and draped themselves in various suggestive manners around the room.

" **Okay. Your point is?** " asked the wooden statue.

There was a series of pops and bamfs as several clones dispersed. The rest just looked disappointed.

"Okay," said Naruto. "I've got an idea."

Kakashi checked, found he could move, and did so.

"I wish mfff mmmble MRF!" was Naruto's predictable response.

"Let me see if I understand the situation. You're a deity," said Kakashi.

" **Yes**."

"You're a deity who specializes in things like mischief and pranks?" asked Kakashi, wanting to be sure of this.

" **That's correct.** "

"And you're granting Naruto Uzumaki, the hyperactive knuckleheaded most unpredictable ninja of the Leaf Village, a wish in which he could have almost anything he wanted?" asked Kakashi.

**Within certain limits, yes, that's right.** "

"And you're doing this because he's a prophesied child who is to save the ninja world?" asked Kakashi.

" **He is the keystone. He will either become the savior of the ninja world, or he will die before then. If it is the latter of the two, your civilization falls as well.** "

"MF?" asked Naruto, still with his mouth covered by Kakashi.

"How long after his death..." asked Kakashi, considering for the first time the plans he'd heard of some people he'd dismissed as idiots. Ones that wanted the jinchuriki of the ninetails to be thrown into a prison where he'd only come out when needed.

" **It depends on how and where he dies. If Akatsuki captures him, the ninetailed fox will be extracted from him. Due to his Uzumaki stamina, he would survive though just barely. Then one of their number would sever his head and take it to Iwa because he is of the right age and coloration to be the son of the Fourth. You know as well as I do what their tests would reveal.** "

"MRF FRRFF?!"

"I see," said Kakashi.

" **In that case, your ninja civilization would end in three years and seven months. If he dies on your current mission - it will take seven years for your civilization to fall. If Sakura managed to hit his skull just right, causing Naruto to die from the eventual complications, your world might die in screaming agony a mere year later. It all depends on circumstances. If those two on the Council succeeded in locking him away, those hunting him would have him dead within the year.** "

"Sakura? I would have thought Sasuke. Maybe," mused Kakashi, also noting that the deity had just shown either mind-reading skills or was a darn good guesser.

" **If Sasuke kills Naruto after deserting your village to seek more power, then things come to a head in a little less than five years - depending on a few variables dealing with certain traitors to your village.** "

"Sasuke's going to desert the village?" asked Kakashi, his eye staring briefly at the animated statue. _No, surely not. Even if... well maybe._

" **I have an idea.** "

"What's that?" asked Kakashi, a little preoccupied with thoughts of Sasuke and village-traitors. He was sorely tempted to abandon the mission NOW and get this info to the Hokage. Maybe he should send Pakkun.

" **A savior. Someone who can heal, or someone who can create perhaps? Either would be suitable I would think. He wants to have an 'awesome' ability or jutsu.** "

"He froze when facing the Demon Brothers," pointed out Kakashi.

"That was just one time, Kakashi-sensei," protested Naruto as soon as he could pry the hand off his mouth.

"I really expected better, considering your past," said Kakashi.

" **The Kage of Iwa has his Dust Release Jutsu, so something of equal value for one who seeks an equal rank?** mused aloud the deity. " **Something staged perhaps, that is unlocked through further experience.** "

"If you're going to be any kind of savior Naruto, you're going to have to dress better and think about what you're doing," stressed Kakashi.

"I suppose..." allowed Naruto. "I think orange is awesome..."

"Meh, deity-san," said Kakashi, "Mokuton, and some Earth Release techniques create, don't they?"

" **More a transformation of existing mass, but I suppose you have a point,** " allowed the statue.

" **Perhaps an ultimate weapon then,** " mused the statue.

"There's no such thing," said Kakashi. "There's always something bigger or nastier or does more damage."

" **To some extent that is true, however there have been a number of items who have bore that description. Since mortals can rarely agree completely on any subject, it's often best to simply move on rather than waste time in an argument. While I might have infinite time, mortals by their nature do not.** "

"I suppose," said Kakashi, fairly easy-going about such things anyway.

"Uhm, would 'ultimate' mean really cool?" asked Naruto, who was a twelve year old boy after all.

"What he's saying is that 'ultimate weapon' means 'ultimate what weapon," explained Kakashi. "Different people would consider different things to be more important."

"How about an 'ultimate jutsu weapon'?" asked Naruto.

" **Actually, I have an idea about that,** " said the cat statue.

* * *

"A ring?" asked Sakura as they started off the next day. "How is some cheap-looking jewelry an 'ultimate weapon'? Face it, Naruto - it's just some cheap thing that priest had."

"Hnnn," said Sasuke. After all, if there was an ultimate weapon around - it should be HIS. Not belonging to the Academy's dead last and general idiot.

"He said an oath was necessary for it to work," said Naruto, frowning as he looked at it. "What oath?"

Kakashi shrugged. "I wonder. What would it be?"

"I wonder," said Naruto, stopping in the path and then holding the ring up.

"We don't have time for any stupid pranks, Naruto," complained Sakura.

"In fearful day," said Naruto, his voice starting out uncertain but gaining confidence as he went.

Sakura shook her head, glancing towards Sasuke. _What an idiot._

"In raging night," continued Naruto, a glimmer of blue light forming around the ring.

Sasuke's eyes widened as something was actually happening. _It couldn't be..._

"With strong hearts full, our hearts ignite!" continued Naruto, a blue lantern appearing above his ring.

Sakura took in Sasuke's shocked look, the brightening blue light, and looked back towards Naruto.

"When all seems lost in the War Of Light," said Naruto, grinning wildly now as a nimbus of blue sprang up around him.

"You're kidding me," said Sakura as she took in the sight.

"No way," said Sasuke, not wanting to face this possibility.

"Look to the stars! For hope burns bright!" finished Naruto, now surrounded by sparkling blue motes that intensified at his ring. Over the course of several seconds it faded down to normal, but there seemed to be a little extra sparkle to the ring now.

"No freaking way," said Sasuke, noting that Naruto was now wearing an outfit in dark blue with some lighter blue.

Sakura blinked as Naruto was now wearing clothes that made him look better as opposed to an eyesore.

"Will of Fire then?" said Naruto, looking off in the distance. "I see."

"What?" asked Kakashi.

"Power's limited outside Konoha for now," said Naruto as the lantern faded away. "There's still some stuff I can do though."

"Oh, well that's good," said Kakashi. "Now if we can get back to walking?"

* * *

"-so if it's an ultimate weapon, you should let Sasuke have it," explained Sakura reasonably. "You'll just trade it for ramen or lose it."

"But..." said Naruto, looking very unhappy at the prospect.

"Honestly, Naruto, you're always messing things up," stated Sakura.

"Mah, Sakura, you're being especially critical this morning," said Kakashi.

"Afternoon," said Naruto, eyeing the sun's position.

"How long has she been arguing anyway?" asked Kakashi.

"Too long," grumped Tazuna though he kept his voice lowered. "Shrill pink banshee."

"Five hours," said Sasuke, sounding slightly irritated.

"What was that?" asked Sakura false-sweetly to Tazuna.

"It can't be that time of month, you don't have those yet," said Kakashi, deflecting a potential client-bashing.

"Kakashi-sensei!" said a reddening Sakura.

"I thought ninja were supposed to be quiet," muttered Tazuna.

"Hnn," agreed Sasuke.

"You're even less talkative than usual," noted Kakashi. "I don't think I've heard you say four words today."

"Hnn?"

"No, I don't count those," said Kakashi.

"Maybe the one's critical because the other's not talkative?" suggested Tazuna.

"That may be right," admitted Kakashi.

"I've had kids and grandkids," said Tazuna. "Guess kids that are ninja are still kids, eh?"

"True," admitted Kakashi.

"That's not true! Naruto's the only kid here," said Sakura. "It's not a matter of age, it's a matter of maturity."

"My daughter Tsunami went through this stage," said Tazuna.

"Ah, she might grow out of it then," said Kakashi.

"Eh, whatever, I'm going to get a better view of the area," announced Naruto. "Later."

There was a brief blue glow around him as Naruto gently lifted off of the ground, then he was moving a little faster as he passed the trees.

"That... tacky looking thing... let's him fly?" asked Sakura.

"Hn," noted Sasuke.

"No, Sasuke, we cannot go back and try to get more," said Kakashi. "If we can find it on the way back, we can try stopping then."

"But... Sasuke-kun needs that," complained Sakura.

"You think Sasuke needs that?" asked Kakashi.

"N-no," said Sakura, glancing nervously at Sasuke. Needing it would imply that she thought Sasuke was lacking in something. "That isn't it! It's just... Sasuke could put something like that to better use. Naruto will just screw it up."

"Such confidence in your team-mate," said Kakashi.

"It's just experience," said Sakura.

Sasuke shook his head, not even bothering to grunt at this development.

"Hmph," hmphed Tazuna. "If he can do that, you think he could give an old man a lift? I ain't as young as I used to be, you know."

"I'll have to ask," said Kakashi thoughtfully, surprising everyone still on the ground. "We would be able to make much better time."

* * *

_flashback:_

"Hey, isn't Naruto reckless enough?" asked Kakashi. "You go talking about him being some 'savior' and he's going to think he's invincible. More than he already does."

" **Not to worry,** " said the cat. " **He'll forget the bulk of the details quickly. His chakra network will repair, but that just means he'll be more like his father from this point on.** "

"Less forgetful and more able to focus on details?" asked Kakashi.

" **Precisely.** "

"So what does that ring do?" asked Kakashi as he noticed that Naruto had frozen in place. Oh, what HE wouldn't give to be able to stop time like that.

" **It's linked to the Will Of Fire as it is recognized in Konohagakure and similar areas. If it was a straight copy, it would require someone to have a green ring and that's enough of a mess. As it is now, he has limited powers. He can fly no faster than Mach Six, armor himself (the ring will automatically do that in fact), fire off energy bolts, can be used to Inspire others, construct simple objects of blue energy.** "

"Blue energy? Simple objects like what?" asked Kakashi.

" **Limited by his imagination actually. Nothing really much larger than a refrigerator until he gets some practice. Anyway, it also gives some sensory abilities and can be used to tutor him in basic functions and activities.** "

"Basic functions and activities," said Kakashi in a flat voice as he considered the Leaf Village's top prankster being able to form anything his imagination could come up with. Even though he really didn't want to think about it, his own imagination kept going there.

" **Oh yes. He wants to be awesome after all. Chakra control and purification rituals, there are many things a future Hokage needs to master, don't you think?** "

"You may have a point," admitted Kakashi.

* * *

"I rather like that idea," said Tazuna.

"Hmmm?" asked Kakashi.

"Well, I suppose it could be considered training," mused Sakura. "Maybe he should fly more than one person."

* * *

Naruto was flying, surrounded by a blue glow. Due to the visibility factor, he was just above tree-top level. Behind him was a blue copy of a comfy chair he'd once found in the Hokage's office.

Tazuna sat back in the copy of a La-Z-Boy Recliner that had come from a summoning much as the two-way radios had. He reached down to the lever, pulled back, and settled into the soft cushions with a content smile.

"Naruto, slow down," called out Kakashi as Naruto started pulling ahead of them again.

"It's taking a lot of concentration to do this, Kakashi-sensei," complained Naruto.

"We're making good time with you hauling our client," stated Kakashi as soon as Naruto had dropped back down to ground level. "Oh yes. If we're attacked in any way, your job is to protect the client by putting a dome up around him."

"But..." Naruto protested.

"No buts," stated Kakashi. "This mission is to protect the client, NOT to fight enemy ninja. Sakura and Sasuke can handle the fights that might come, though if I order you to - I want all three of you inside the protective dome with the client. We don't know how powerful your constructs are though - so if threatened you can fly the client to safety."

Naruto, predictably, started pouting about his chance to be awesome being derailed.

* * *

Things were supposed to happen normally. The details had been planned in advance after all, as soon as word of Tazuna leaving in order to "acquire supplies" had been learned of. Tazuna had only scraped together enough money for a minor genin team, if that much.

So the only one to really have to watch out for was their jonin. The genin would be either new brats fresh from their ninja school, or they'd be no-talent older types that couldn't pass the chunin exam. Well, they MIGHT be the sort that just had no drive or ambition to go after the higher rank and higher chance of dying in a suitably violent manner.

Zabuza was quite familiar with how that sort of thing worked out. When he was younger, his response would have been something along the line of: wake up late, get breakfast, kill everyone from ambush using silent killing techniques, have a light lunch, get paid, leave for the next job.

Nowadays though, he'd usually leave the little kids alive. With any luck, he'd scare them enough that his reputation would grow - and with that came extra job leads. There was always someone who wanted someone else dead, and if they had the money - he was certainly willing to take the work. Reputation meant everything in this business. After all, a missing-nin hunted by his former village couldn't exactly put out an ad.

So Zabuza Momochi waited for Haku to give notice that the group from that rainbow-and-unicorn happy-ninja crowd over in Konohagakure was around.

In the meantime, he had tea.

One must have priorities after all. He was a murdering mercenary, a bloodthirsty monster, a tool to live and die on the battlefield. It didn't mean that he couldn't be civilized, particularly on his off-hours. In fact, he'd discovered that being TOO overwhelmingly scary for clients to handle tended to put them off. So he'd cultivated a "civilized in my off hours" facade to use, and discovered he actually liked a hot cuppa.

So Zabuza got out a few little snacks, poured hot water into the infuser, and prepared to have his morning tea. And if anyone interrupted it, they would die a horrible and violent death.

Reputation was important after all.

* * *

"We made good time," said Kakashi. "Naruto? Why are you so distracted?"

"Eh?" asked Naruto. "Oh, sorry Kakashi-sensei. Ring-san has this function..."

"Function?" asked Sasuke.

"It knows a lotta stuff," said Naruto. "For example it was telling me that my chakra affinity is wind, so it's easier for me to fly and do stuff like that. Ring-san is also telling me stuff like the temperature of the water, what's in it, air temperature, wind speed, humidity..."

"Ah, useless information," noted Sasuke.

"How the nearest boat has four mercenaries armed with swords, apparently on 'picket duty' or something. What's 'picket duty'?" asked Naruto.

"It means that they're guards posted to an area where they will intercept anyone trying to pass them," said Kakashi. "Where?"

Naruto concentrated and a blue glow from the ring formed a cloud in the air that quickly became an area map. Blinking dots formed at haphazard intervals.

Kakashi blinked. "That is... kind of handy."

Sasuke's eyes swiveled from the display to Kakashi at that understatement.

"Ring-san says that if someone is using a stealth-jutsu, it'd have to be a lot closer to detect 'em. These guys are just hiding in the fog though and can be spotted really far away," said Naruto. "Can I learn a stealth-jutsu, Kakashi-sensei?"

Sakura snorted, visibly realized something, then clenched her hands in a pleading gesture as she directed a puppy-eyed look towards her jonin. "Please Kakashi-sensei! Can you teach him a 'go away' or 'keep quiet' jutsu?"

Sasuke smirked.

"We'll see," said Kakashi, studying the map. "Where are we?"

Another glowing dot formed, pulsing a little faster than the others.

"There's a boat to take us into Wave itself," said Tazuna, studying the map and then pointing. "It will be there."

"Good," said Kakashi. "Naruto, there will likely be enemy ninja trying to observe us. Let's keep your ring's abilities a secret for now."

Naruto, predictably, pouted.

* * *

Zabuza stuck his head up slightly, smirking under his mask as he finished getting into position. Tazuna would arrive and have to head along one of three paths to reach his home.

If one knew where the target would go, it was a simple matter to set up an ambush. When the target was in range, killing that target was usually a pretty simple matter. The presence of samurai (not just the mercenary sword-wielder type but the ones like the Land Of Iron had) or ninja complicated that.

Ah, here they came. A jonin-sensei and three kids, plus the bridge-builder. Now, which approach to go for?

Dramatic Entry or Sudden Death Overture? Hmmm. Oh, why not?

As expected, when he began his move the jonin detected it and was warning the children to duck. Now just stick the sword into the tree in order to be looking down upon his prey, dramatic monologue ready to go. Scare the kiddies and enhance his reputation.

"Well, well, well, look at what we have here. Three little birds and a mama bird," chuckled Zabuza, raising his emitted Killing Intent to 3.

Hmmm. One of the kids looked ready to bolt already. Then there was one kid who had a kunai in each hand, ready to fight. Finally there was a third kid who was standing next to the bridge builder and had put a blue dome up around them? Interesting, some sort of barrier jutsu? Well, deal with that when necessary.

"Kakashi Hatake," said Zabuza, recognizing the jonin. "The fabled Copycat Nin, alias Sharingan Kakashi. Master of a thousand jutsu. I've read your entry in my Bingo Book."

"Zabuza Momochi of the Bloody Mist, master of silent killing techniques," said Kakashi. "Here for Tazuna, I take it."

"Oh yes," said Zabuza. "A job's a job."

"That's a BIG sword," noted the kunai-wielder.

"The Decapitating Carving Knife, Kubikiribocho," said Zabuza. "Why not just let the bridge-builder die? I'm sure you weren't paid enough to face me and you can get these little kids back without a scratch."

"I'm afraid we can't do that," said Kakashi.

"Why are we even talking to this guy?" asked Naruto.

"It's part of a standard ninja battle," explained Kakashi. "The protocol was developed during the First Ninja War. When individual combat is about to begin, there are introductions and often a Dramatic Entry."

"They don't even know THAT much?" asked Zabuza. "They really ARE fresh meat."

"Well, the Demon Brothers just went for Sudden Death Overture instead of observing the forms," said Kakashi with a slight shrug.

"Against you? They wouldn't have lasted long," noted Zabuza. "What's the blue glow? One of your genin has a bloodline ability?"

"Something like that," admitted Kakashi.

"Well, shall we get to it?" asked Zabuza.

"You've got a bit of mustard there by your mouth," pointed out Kakashi.

"Oh?" asked Zabuza, dabbing at the bandages around his mouth.

"That's got it," confirmed Kakashi.

"Whatever the case," said Zabuza as his water clone did a sudden reveal. "I expected more from you. DIE!"

_Piff_ went the shadow clone as Zabuza's water clone bisected it.

"Wha..." said Zabuza.

"So sorry," said one of the genin. _Poof!_

"We aren't really here," said the black-haired youth, sticking out his tongue briefly. "Believe it!" _PAFF!_

"You're kidding me..." said Zabuza, addressing the remaining genin and the client.

"Don't hate me because I'm awesome," said the client with a shrug and grin. "Hate me because I'm PAID to be awesome!" _PUFF!_

"In case you were wondering," said the pink-haired kunoichi with a grin so wide it was a wonder her face didn't split in half. "Kakashi was played by himself, and everyone else was me. Something about how a REAL ninja goes around obstacles to accomplish his mission or something. Bye bye!" _PRAAP!_

Zabuza blinked. "Did you just..."

"Hang on, I'm having a little trouble dispelling myse-" began the pinkette just before a blade cut her in half and she dissipated in smoke.

"...They PLAYED me," realized Zabuza. "They must have a Sensor type with them. Oh, this game is going to get interesting."

He'd have to target the pinkette first, to take out those annoying shadow clones. The game had gotten interesting.

* * *

"But how can Sasuke show off how awesome he is if we AVOID all the dangers?" asked Sakura.

"Hnn," agreed Sasuke. Well, maybe agreed. Sometimes it was hard to tell.

"The mission is not 'show off awesome skills' it's 'protect the client'," pointed out Kakashi. "Avoiding danger IS protecting the client. Honestly, I think Naruto's rubbing off on you."

"ICK!" reacted Sakura.

Naruto pouted and went brooding with a grunt to indicate his displeasure.

"...and Sasuke's rubbing off on Naruto," quietly observed Kakashi, wondering if that was an improvement or not.

Naruto responded by glaring, then staggering with a surprised look.

"Hmmm. So it was Zabuza Momochi," noted Kakashi. "This has become a dangerous mission after all."

"Yeah... how do I know that?" asked Naruto.

"Naruto, a shadow clone is not a simple illusion," said Kakashi. "Everything the shadow clone experiences feeds back to the originator of the technique."

There was a brief glimmer around the blue ring on Naruto's finger.

Naruto's eyes widened. "So... I can learn stuff faster by using shadow clones?! THAT'S AWESOME!"

_BONK!_ went Sakura's fist to Naruto's skull.

"Thank you for politely reminding Naruto that we're trying to be stealthy here," said Kakashi.

"No problem, sensei," said Sakura, missing any sarcasm involved.

"I'll have to do something about this," griped Kakashi. "Zabuza's specialty is Silent Killing. By the time you know he's attacking - it's too late."

"So then why did he do the whole dramatic entrance thing?" asked Naruto.

"That's... that's actually a good question," admitted Kakashi.

Sakura lowered her fist, having been ready to admonish Naruto.

"Probably wanted to scare you enough that you'll spread rumors about what a scary bad ninja he is," said Kakashi with a shrug. "He needs some way to advertise for clients."

"Uh oh," said Naruto, displaying a map again via Power Ring. "Ring-san says that someone's heading for that house ahead of us at very high speed."

* * *

Zabuza Momochi appeared for just a heartbeat before his blade slashed down through the bridgebuilder, bisecting him.

_Pop!_ went a blue set of sparks like a little firework as Tazuna dissolved.

Zabuza Momochi, Demon Of The Mist, stood there for a moment covering his face with one hand. He groaned. He said a very very bad word.

"Oooh, what language," said the pink-haired kunoichi. "I gotta use that sometime."

Zabuza looked at the three genin, the jonin, and their packs of equipment. He decided to address the pinkette. "What is it with you and the shadow clones anyway?"

"Well, it's just about the only technique I know," admitted the kunoichi. "Handy though, ain't it?"

Zabuza sighed and looked towards the Kakashi leaning against a tree and taking a little orange book out to read it, apparently unconcerned with the assassin confronting them. "Oddly enough, I feel some pity for you Sharingan Kakashi. I have no doubt that this genin is more than a handful."

"Truer words were never spoken," admitted Kakashi.

"Hey!" protested pinkette as the two other genin poofed out of existence.

"I'm... not going to bother," said Zabuza. "I get the oddest feeling that every time I attack, it's going to just be another clone."

"Well, yes, I can see where you'd see that," admitted Kakashi.

"So I'll simply wait, your genin will exhaust herself maintaining shadow clones, and I'll be back to deal with you at MY leisure," said Zabuza, making a one-handed seal and disappearing in a sudden wind.

"Hmph," said Kakashi after a few moments. "He's gone."

A trashcan, a shrub, and a wall turned back into three genin. Tazuna uncurled slowly from where he'd been concealed and looked around shakily.

"Okay, let's get you back into your home," said Kakashi cheerfully.

* * *

_SLASH!_

Tazuna's head separated from his body before both dissolved into blue sparkles.

"That must be a really sharp sword, but I'm wondering, what are the holes for?"

Zabuza turned and demonstrated on the blonde who had spoken. Who disappeared in a puff of smoke.

"Oh," said the pinkette. "Isn't it easier just to use the NORMAL edge?"

"Sometimes the easiest way isn't the BEST way," said Zabuza, casually throwing knives through the Kakashi-clone and the dark-haired-genin-clone who disappeared in mid-butt-scratch.

"I suppose," said the pinkette, who then brightened. "Hey, did you hear the one about the duck and the three cats?"

_SLASH!_

Zabuza paused as the pinkette dissolved into blue sparkles. "No, what about... damn. I keep forgetting it's ask questions FIRST, then kill. I just get too eager. I guess."

* * *

_SLASH!_

"Can't you learn any FUNNY jokes?" demanded Zabuza. Then realized he'd already dispelled the pink-haired twit and would have to wait until finding the next one to demand better quality material. "How much chakra does that damn girl have anyway?!"

* * *

"Stop me if you've heard this one," said the blonde kid.

_SLASH!_

"Aw, you're no fun," complained the black-haired kid.

_SLASH!_

"No sense of humor, huh?" said the pinkette. "Well, I'll have to try harder then."

_STAB!_

"That kid is REALLY getting on my nerves," said Zabuza.

* * *

"-and so the jonin said 'that wasn't my wife'!" said the pinkette, sitting on a tree branch and ignoring the way the assassin had raised his sword up over his head.

"..."

"Hm?" asked the pinkette.

"I don't get it," confessed Zabuza.

"Maybe I'm telling it wrong," said the pinkette, who then dissolved into blue sparkles before he could cut her head off.

* * *

"Za-Zabuza-sama?" asked Haku as his master returned.

Zabuza stopped and considered his words. "Right now, I would kill that little pink-haired girl with glee. Still, I have to admit I'm a little impressed that she can make so MANY shadow clones. That she can combine them with transformation to look like members of her team. Including some idiot blonde and an obnoxious black-haired kid who picks his nose. That and they laid traps EVERYWHERE around that house. Yeah, she's definitely got some talent for a one-trick pony."

"I... see," said Haku. "She's skilled?"

"I've never seen a genin that could throw out that many shadow clones, that often, and have enough chakra left over to put a henge over them," admitted Zabuza. "Though something odd with some of the shadow clones. More and more of them last for more than a single hit - and these dissolve in blue sparkly stuff when they dispel."

"So, not only is she competent at the technique, she has found a way to improve it," said Haku thoughtfully.

"Yeah, a genius and an idiot at once," said Zabuza. "Cracking lame jokes all the time I'm killing them. I mean really bad jokes. I mean jokes so bad they might qualify as E-Rank techniques. If she's that annoying outside of combat, her team may thank me when I finally finish her off."

"I see," said Haku.

"I'm going to get some sleep," said Zabuza. "The real ones will have to show up at the bridge sooner or later."

Haku considered the closing door to Zabuza's room before deciding on a course of action.

* * *

Haku was just another civilian mixing with the crowd. Nothing unusual here, nope. No killing intent, clothes that were shabby but serviceable, minimal weapons.

The house where Tazuna and the ninja were reportedly staying had the three genin ninja sitting at various approaches. Haku chose a path of walking that would take him past each of them, in turn, with a period of time in between those passages. Just part of a crowd.

The blonde one was reading 'Fuuinjutsu Basics.' The black-haired boy was reading a field guide for herbs and wild plants. The pink one, that he knew from Zabuza's description was the shadow clone user, was practicing throwing her kunai.

He caught a glimpse of her green eyes studying him briefly, but she didn't say anything or act particularly suspicious.

Were they real or shadow clones?

When ANOTHER set of the three genin were visible at the market, Haku looked carefully for any differences but couldn't find any. Then there was another set arguing with two different copies of the bridgebuilder.

Yes, Haku could begin to see why Zabuza was so frustrated.

* * *

"Huh," said Naruto. At first it had just been the way things had turned out. His Sakura clone had been the last one dismissed. Or rather his shadow clone of himself henge'ed to look like Sakura. When he'd noticed that Zabuza had seemed to attack Sakura last, he'd automatically begun favoring the Sakura-clone in the group. When Zabuza had started talking more to the Sakura-clone than any of the others, that had just caused Naruto to put even more emphasis on the Sakura-clones in each group.

Of course, no effort should be spared for getting even with his rival, so having Sasuke-clone pick his nose or scratch his butt or do other things like that - well, it had to be done, didn't it?

"'Huh' what?" asked Sakura as Naruto made another batch of clones and they transformed themselves into another ersatz Team 7 and left the house.

"Shadow clones normally dispel after one hit," said Naruto. "Except the ones I been making I've used Ring-san to reinforce. It seems to work. If they just scratch themselves on a thorn or step on a tack or something, they stick around still. One of 'em just got hit with some needles of some kind, but couldn't find who hit him before getting dispelled."

"They've figured out you're flooding the area with shadow clones and they're trying to figure out if the real one's in there," said Sakura as she considered that. "Because you're using that toy that Sasuke really should have instead of you, they can't immediately tell which one is which."

"Shadow clones are SO cool," said a grinning Naruto.

"Where's Kakashi-sensei anyway?" asked Sakura.

"He's tracking down that Zabuza guy," said Naruto. "Why?"

Sakura and Sasuke exchanged a look. Finally, Sakura went ahead and asked. "And how do you know this?"

"Well, when I started thinking about using shadow clones to disguise myself as everyone - I thought why stop there?" said Naruto. "So I made a shadow clone that turned into a bird. Since I'm reinforcing them with Ring-san, I can tell where my clones are."

"You can't make a shadow clone that flies," Sakura informed Naruto matter of factly.

Sasuke raised an eyebrow at Sakura.

"Eh?" asked Naruto. "I can't?"

"He did," said Sasuke.

"That's impossible," said Sakura, who tried to come to terms with SASUKE telling her something that was blatantly impossible.

"He did it," said Sasuke. "I was watching when Kakashi left. The duplicate of me in the yard turned into a hawk and flew after Kakashi-sensei."

"So I can do it," said Naruto, losing the confused look. "Okay."

* * *

_Morning:_  
"Naruto's still sleeping?" Sakura blinked a couple of times, then got a positively evil expression on her face.

Kakashi and Sasuke glanced at each other across the table.

"You don't suppose..." began Sasuke.

"She's going to try and steal the ring? Oh, I'm certain of it," said Kakashi.

_Fzaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaap!_ "AIEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

"So why is Naruto sleeping late?" asked Sasuke, not bothering to ask why Kakashi was letting him.

"One more try!" said Sakura from Naruto's room. _Ka-WHAM!_

"I'm glad his anti-theft protocols include nonlethal methods," said Kakashi with a glance in the direction of where Naruto was sleeping.

The door flew open, followed by Sakura running out with a glowing blue mallet adorned with lettering that read "5 tons" that was not only following her but taking frequent swings at her.

"Hnn," said Sasuke, accepting a cup of tea from Inari's mother as the chase scene continued through the kitchen.

"As to your question, you know the phrase 'he could do that in his sleep'?" asked Kakashi.

Sasuke nodded.

"Well, Naruto's gotten to that point," said Kakashi. "He finally stopped making shadow clones around 3am."

"You suppose the enemy nin just got tired of killing them?" asked Sasuke.

"Something like that," admitted Kakashi.

"So you didn't find the enemy ninja yesterday?" asked Sasuke.

"Oh, I did," said Kakashi. "He was having such fun killing Naruto's shadow clones that I almost felt guilty about interrupting. He brought Sakura's chopped-off head back to his hideout and was bragging to someone about how he'd finally gotten the real one."

Sasuke raised an eyebrow and looked back at where the hammer was still chasing Sakura around a coffeetable. "Do tell."

"At which point Sakura's head began singing 'Deadman's Party' - and doing a pretty good job of the song until Zabuza started having a nervous breakdown," said Kakashi.

Sasuke put down his empty cup. "Really?"

"I've never seen an S-Class Missing Nin go into a literally frothing murderous rage and then just collapse and start crying before," admitted Kakashi. "It was quite disturbing."

Sakura collapsed on the floor, wheezing and panting. The hammer seemed to consider pounding her for a moment, then simply dissipated.

"So what did you do?" asked Sasuke.

"I couldn't resist, I appeared, told him that I'd already run into Gato. He made the mistake of ordering his men to kill me." Kakashi shrugged. "Once Zabuza found out that his boss was dead, he just started twitching a lot."

"I see," said Sasuke.

"More tea anyone?" asked Tsunami.

"So, basically, Naruto's reputation as the number one unpredictable annoying ninja of the Leaf continues," said Kakashi.

"Hn," agreed Sasuke.

"B-b-but you can't beat Gato," said Inari, who'd been quietly freaking out while watching all those copies of the same ninja go running around. "He's too strong."

"No, he just had some low level mercenaries for the most part," corrected Kakashi. "Gato himself wasn't much of anything. I would have left him alone, but he attacked me and that really isn't a good policy to encourage."

"Bu-wha?" asked Inari as he tried to wrap his worldview around this information.

"Oh, and I saw a 'Waffle Haus' nearby," said Kakashi. "After I start you on training, I may have to swing by there. I haven't had waffles in years."

* * *

Haku handed off the photographs.

Zabuza flipped through them, finally deciding on one. "This one."

Haku nodded.

"Sakura Haruno. Excessive amounts of chakra, uses a ridiculous number of shadow clones combined with other forces. Possibly a kekkei genkai," said Haku as he wrote the note to accompany the picture. "Genin of Konoha, studying under Kakashi Hatake. Sadistic but prefers psychological torture tactics."

Zabuza nodded, took the note and picture, and put them in a stamped envelope that he'd already prepared. "Now we just send it off and she'll be in the bingo books."

"She looks so clueless but is clearly quite dangerous," said Haku. "If she is this troublesome at genin level, what will she be like when she's older?"

"Not our problem," said Zabuza. "Though the blue sparkles might be a reinforcement from the boy who is studying seal-jutsu. Not enough information, and it's obvious the girl is the real problem."

"I understand, Zabuza-sama," said Haku. "What next?"

"We finish looting Gato's place," said Zabuza. "Got to get paid somehow. Idiot ordered his men to kill a jonin. Hell, he deserves to have his ill-gotten booty looted."

* * *

"Tree climbing?" asked Naruto.

"It's not only a useful skill but it teaches chakra control and maintenance," said Kakashi.

"I can fly, Kakashi-sensei," pointed out Naruto.

"Yes, but you can certainly use the training in chakra control and maintenance," countered Kakashi.

"Ring-san agrees with you," said Naruto, beginning to pout.

"Naruto's ring is smarter than he is," noted Sasuke.

"You say that like that would be difficult," said Sakura, still mad at Naruto because his ring had tried to kill her just because she was trying to get it off his hand. Hardly fair, as she knew Sasuke could put it to much better use. Not that he NEEDED some junk.

"Ne ne," said Kakashi, demonstrating the tree climbing skill. "You can work on this while I check out that Waffle Haus."

"What's a 'waffle' anyway?" asked Naruto.

"It's sort of a grilled flatbread that is topped with a number of substances," said Kakashi. "In the Country of Snow, it is a holy food developed and handed down through the ages as a sacrament to one of their local deities. It is believed to repel zombies, ghosts, and vampires."

"Really?!" asked Naruto, now even more curious.

"Oh yes," said Kakashi, not revealing how much was exaggeration or outright BS - easier when most of his face was covered to the extent it normally was. "I'm not fond of the sweet toppings like syrup, but there are one or two semi-traditional toppings that make for a nice change of pace in the diet."

"Holy flatbread?" asked Sakura.

"Don't make fun of waffles, Sakura," advised Kakashi. "Compared to some of the other religious observances out there - this one is both harmless and nourishing. It's much better than, for example, death cultists who want rip your heart out and eat it in front of you while you're strapped to an altar. Those can be quite the pain."

* * *

After that description, it didn't take long before three young genin found the place.

"'Der Waffle Haus'," read Naruto, blinking. Then he turned his attention to the store itself, which wasn't that dissimilar from Ichiraku's in its shape or layout.

"Sorry guys, I don't have the ingredients for the fancy stuff," said the proprietor.

"Oh-" trailed off a disappointed Naruto, pointing at an illustration. "I wanted to try that."

"I can make basic waffles, but with the way things have been lately, I can't even get blueberries around here," said the proprietor. "I've been mostly reduced to selling tea and ricebowls. Not like anyone's got any money."

"What kind of ingredients do you need?" asked Sakura.

"Well, if I could get them - blueberries would be a good seller," said the proprietor. "The one your friend here was pointing at would have required whipped cream and peaches - and that's just not going to happen. At least blueberries you can get two islands over."

"Naruto," said Sakura.

"Eh?" asked Naruto.

"How fast can you fly?" asked Sakura.

"Hn?" indicated Sasuke.

"Well, I want to try one too," admitted Sakura.

"Eh?" asked the proprietor.

Sasuke looked at the illustrations, momentarily looked thoughtful, then nodded at Sakura.

"Okay, where can he find blueberries on this other island?" asked Sakura.

* * *

Kakashi stopped looking for his genin as he sniffed the air. THAT was the smell he'd smelled once or twice back in the Land Of Snow. The Waffle Haus must be open, but when he'd stopped there earlier - the owner had complained about the lack of supplies.

When he got there and spotted the three genin, it wasn't a great stretch of the imagination to figure out what had happened.

Kakashi briefly considered chastising the group. After all, this was a mission they were on and they should be focussed on that and their training.

Well, maybe it was okay anyway. He could turn into a lesson on the Country of Snow and its customs.

Not that there was any reason they'd ever go there.

* * *

Time passed. A bridge was built. Techniques practiced. Goodbyes were made.

"You know I could have gotten us all back a lot faster," said Naruto as the walls of Konoha came into view.

"I've already explained that," said Kakashi. "Flashing your secret technique around means everyone will know about it."

"But, Kakashi-sensei, how am I going to get better at it without practicing?" asked Naruto.

"Stop whining, Naruto, we're almost there," said Sakura, ready to smack him. "Sleeping in my own bed. Hot showers."

"Well, at least Tsunami will be able to afford hot water without us around using so much of it," said Kakashi.

* * *

"So," said Naruto, settling onto the roof of his building. "I'm not supposed to do anything where anyone can see. So this should be safe, right?"

_Negative._

"Huh? I don't see anyone," said Naruto aloud, looking all around him. "You mean someone's watching?"

_Three individuals._

"Where?" asked Naruto.

A section of the roof glowed and formed a blue map. Dots began blinking.

"Who the heck would be watching me?!" asked Naruto.

_Ninja._

Naruto made a face. He really wanted to practice. On the other hand, Kakashi-sensei HAD given him an order.

_Two remain._

"One of 'em left?" asked Naruto.

_Affirmative._

"Can you tell who they are?" asked Naruto, still a little puzzled. And frustrated.

_One has high chakra levels and is under a cloaking effect. The other is of considerably lower chakra development and is using mundane concealment and a special sensory ability to observe. The high chakra level one is at 731 meter range. The other is at 20 meter range. Analysis indicates the first is ANBU. Second is genin._

"ANBU is those guys with the masks, right? I think they keep tabs on everyone," said Naruto, puzzling that out. "Can you do a stealthy kinda thing?"

* * *

"Wha?" gasped Hinata. She had heard that Naruto had returned to the village. She'd just wanted to check up on him. Something odd had been going on though.

Now Naruto had just vanished right before her eyes. What did this mean? Had it been one of his shadow clones? Was it some new jutsu he'd learned on his mission?

"Oh, hey, Hinata isn't it?"

"EEEEEEEEEK!"

_CLONK!_

"Whoa," said Naruto as the girl in question leapt up, hit her head on a section of air conditioning vent, and went back down. "That looked like it hurt."

Blue light briefly played over the girl.

"Fainted?" asked Naruto. "Huh. Well, let's get her comfie."

* * *

Hinata slowly stretched, then rubbed her aching head.

There was a moment where she didn't know where she was, and then memories caught up with her.

She was able to identify where she was pretty quickly. She was in Naruto's apartment. On his bed.

The last thing she heard was Naruto's voice asking. "Did she just faint again?"

* * *

"She is so weird," said Naruto.

[Beginning full medical diagnostic.  
Analyzing.]

As images began appearing and rotating in mid-air, all in soft pastel blue, Naruto summed things up. "I don't understand any of this. What's... this one?"

A pulse slightly increased the brightness of one particular rotating image.

[Limbic system.]

"...can you say that in terms I can understand?"

[Language: simple. These are the parts of the brain involved with emotions, basic motivations, survival instinct, sex, and memory access. The sections highlighted show signs of overstimulation. Which means basically those sections are getting overloaded. Similar to what occurs when you channel too much chakra into your feet while tree-climbing.]

"Oh!" said Naruto, remembering that training and now studying the image with a bit more understanding. "Not gonna blow up like those trees, is she?"

[No. Suggest overcoming difficulty by means similar to overcoming allergies. Analysis indicates that presence of Naruto behaving in a friendly manner is cause. Treatment would require continuing such behavior in order to overcome problem.]

Naruto scratched his head, thinking that maybe he needed to request the language go something easier than 'simple' because that was still a bit difficult to wrap his head around. "So... it's kinda like she's allergic to me?"

[This is not completely correct, yet not completely incorrect either.]

"And in order for her to get better, I got to hang around her and talk nice to her?" asked Naruto, still thinking this sounded really weird but then Hinata WAS weird so that made sense didn't it?

[Essentially correct.]

"Oh. Okay," said Naruto. Friendly came natural to him. He could do that much. "So I should go get her some ramen for when she wakes up!"

[Ramen is not the answer to everything.]

"Shadow clone jutsu!"

* * *

Hinata woke up, realized immediately she was STILL on Naruto's bed.

She also realized there were three Naruto in the apartment with her.

"Okay, so she's only out for about a minute when she's doing that eye-flicker thingie," said one of the Naruto.

Hinata wondered what THAT meant.

"I don't understand half of that," said the same Naruto, scratching his head.

Hinata slowly got up to a sitting position. There was Naruto, making cup ramen at the stove. There was Naruto, sitting against a wall and staring at a blue ring. There was Naruto, trying to clean his apartment by overstuffing a closet.

"Shadow clones?" asked Hinata.

"Yeah, shadow clones are awesome!" said the Naruto at the stove.

"I have to be returning home," said Hinata, getting off the bed and bowing in apology. "I'm so sorry for disturbing you."

"Come by anytime!" said the Naruto on the floor.

"Just give a little warning," said the trying-to-clean Naruto, putting his back against the closet door and then straining to get it closed.

"I'll tell you all about my awesome mission!" promised the Naruto at the stove.

"Hmph," said Hinata with a nod before hurrying off. She'd think about it later. Right now she had to hurry before anyone in her family missed her.

* * *

"So, Naruto, I understand you've come across something interesting?" asked the Hokage, slipping into the role of grandfatherly advisor. It was actually one of his preferred roles, and it was a perfectly real one. That didn't mean he couldn't slip the persona off and on as easily as he could change hats, but that he did have a certain sincerity when projecting that role. If the situation merited it, he could swap out for that of the veteran of countless ninja battles who'd kill or torture for a 1% better chance of his village surviving another day. Which was just as genuine a role actually.

"It's a Power Ring, jiji," said Naruto proudly.

"Ah," said the Hokage. "And you know what it can do?"

"Right!" agreed Naruto.

"I'm going to have someone investigate your seal," said the Hokage. "Just in case. It's unfortunate that he's late."

"Kakashi-sensei?" asked Naruto, putting late and his sensei together due to experience in that regard.

"No, there's a seal expert named Jiraiya. One of the three Legendary Sannin of the village." The Hokage glanced at the window where someone had still not appeared. "Who usually is at least a little more punctual than this."

"Oh," said Naruto, not understanding this but going along with it for now.

"So what exactly can you do with it?" asked the Hokage.

"Ring?" asked Naruto.

"[Current Abilities are limited by level of genin Naruto Uzumaki and dependence on Will of Fire]"

"Interesting," said the Hokage as the Power Ring spoke in a not-quite-human voice. "Will of Fire?"

* * *

Naruto had a freaky ring that gave him power.

Honestly, he didn't like the idea of relying on something other than oneself - but wouldn't he have been a better choice? Wouldn't he have made better use of it?

Sasuke paused in the act of throwing a shuriken. _Unless that's the point. Could it be that he got that because he wouldn't be able to exploit its abilities to the fullest?_

Sasuke held that pose for a moment before snorting and continuing his practice. _No. If power is not meant to be used, then what is the point?_

* * *

"So," said the Hokage, looking VERY thoughtful. "This Power Ring can manage your chakra, boosting your control enough to perform certain techniques."

"Yup!" Naruto grinned. "I managed my first Clone, not just Shadow Clone."

"That's very good," admitted the Hokage, thinking of the possibilities just that one function added to his genin's future. When combined with the other functions, it was truly something to keep an eye on. "Now, Naruto - remember to keep the abilities of your Ring secret from other villages unless it really becomes necessary."

"Damn, you and Kakashi-sensei really want to take the fun out of it," moped Naruto.

"Just think how much fun it would be to unleash it as a surprise when you  do need it," pointed out the Hokage.

"True," admitted Naruto.

"Now, can I hear this oath you apparently use to recharge your ring?" asked the Hokage.

* * *

Hinata wasn't sure WHAT was going on.

She flexed out of the way of her sister's palmstrike, one hand darting in and out.

"Stop."

Both Hinata and Hanabi stopped at the barked order from their father.

"Hinata? Why are there sparks of bright blue in your chakra pathways?"

"Err, ah, uhm," fidgeted Hinata. "I don't know?"

Her father's Byakugan was running as he looked and analyzed. _What is this? These flecks are located at major chakra switches and paths in her network. The flow... what is it about the flow? They are - regulators? I see._ "Who have you recently come into contact with?"

"Uhm, that is," fidgeted Hinata as her father's presence loomed all the stronger.

Ko shifted, hesitating before speaking up. "Your pardon, Lord Hiashi, but recently Lady Hinata was in the presence of... That Boy."

"Oh?" asked Hiashi.

"I was able to determine that since returning from Wave, he has developed some chakra sensing ability as he was able to determine my presence. At that point I ceased observation through the Byakugan to determine what course I should take. Instead I observed an ANBU I'd detected earlier, who was also observing events. About an hour later, That Child was summoned to the Hokage's presence."

"Which ANBU?" asked Hiashi.

"Falcon," answered Ko.

"Ah," said Hiashi, nodding. "I know of Falcon. She is trustworthy, in her own manner." Which meant, among other things, that details would not be forthcoming without order of the Hokage.

"Yes, Yurika's sister," said Ko.

Hiashi noted the Branch member's slightly wistful tone, remembering that Ko had briefly had a relationship with the kunoichi from the Cryptology Department. Not that it had any bearing here - the chance of being able to use that prior relationship to get details was not zero but so small as to be meaningless. "Hinata, Hanabi, continue to practice. I shall visit the Hokage on this."

Hinata had improved due to these things, but performing such things on a clan member without permission from the clan head was not to be tolerated.

* * *

"Ah," said the Hokage as Hiashi finished his case. "Just a moment while I activate Level Five Privacy Seals."

Hiashi Hyuga raised an eyebrow. Level Three would block a Byakugan and provide subtle distortions that even a Sharingan trying to lip-read through the window wouldn't be able to get anything useful. Level Five would have to involve Class-S Secrets where even he, clan head of the Hyuga and established jonin, could be killed for revealing them.

"Just a moment," said Hiashi, making a complicated gesture that involved no chakra. At the inquiring glance from the Hokage, he explained. "In case any of my clan are watching, that was an 'all clear and cease observation' signal."

"Ah, good," said the Hokage, who unfurled a scroll and then activated it.

Hiashi could actually feel the amount of chakra rolling out to encompass the room. No need for the Byakugan to determine it when it made the small hairs on the back of your neck stir.

"What do you know for certain of Naruto Uzumaki?" asked the Hokage.

* * *

Hiashi Hyuga frowned at the Hokage's question. "What do I know of the boy? Those are S-Class secrets by your own order."

"Yes, which is why there is a privacy seal of this level involved," pointed out Hiruzen Sarutobi. "Nothing said here will count for such purposes. I ask rather than spend a lot of time speaking of things you already know."

"I performed a few missions alongside Minato Namikaze when we were both younger, and I served a few missions with the Red Hot Habanero as well," said Hiashi. "I know that the boy is their son. I know that the Kyubi is sealed within him. I know he's often annoying, clueless, and lacks restraint."

"Did you know about the Toad Prophesy?" asked the Hokage, opening one of the drawers of his desk.

"I believe Jiraiya of the Sannin mentioned that once while we shared a few dishes of sake one night, saluting fallen comrades," said Hiashi slowly. "Are you saying THAT boy?"

"It seems likely from a conversation I had," said the Hokage, pulling an odd crystalline disc out of that drawer and laying it flat on the table.

Hiashi paused, then raised an eyebrow in silent question. The Hokage nodded slightly, after all the privacy seal would just disrupt attempts from the outside to perceive what was inside it.

Hiashi silently activated his Byakugan, then peered at the curious thing. A crystalline disc with many imperfections, six inches across with a single hole in the center. There was no deviation from a perfect circle on either the shape or the hole. It was when he looked closer at the imperfections that his eyes widened.

Fuuinjutsu of a type he'd never seen before. A literal maze of it, wending itself through the material extending in ways that made even his eyes begin to hurt.

"What is that?" asked Hiashi.

"An elder god, or something claiming to be an elder god, dropped this off," said Hiruzen, taking a deep drag of his pipe. "It made me a deal, the details of which I shall not expand upon. Save for this, which gives me information that I was just able to confirm with Naruto upon Team 7's return to the village."

"How does this explain that which was done to Hinata?" asked Hiashi, bringing the conversation back to the original purpose for consulting with the Hokage.

"Index," said Hiruzen.

A glow appeared over the center of the disc, reshaping itself to the form of a woman.

"Index," said the six-inch tall woman in odd raiment. "Default helper form Cortana."

"Search for," said Hiruzen, pausing for a moment before nodding. "Chakra regulation in others."

"Found. Defeated or helpless opponents may be outfitted with chakra regulators," said Index. "This is in keeping with medical functions. Such measures are temporary and only intended to keep individuals alive until actual medical assistance can be acquired. Regulators of this type can be preset to trigger under certain conditions to maintain such things as blood flow, blood pressure, heart rate, respiration, chakra flow imbalances, and the like. While it can be used to disrupt genjutsu, it is not suggested for this purpose."

"'Temporary'," repeated Hiashi.

"Twenty four hour period," answered Index, turning to regard him instead of the Hokage. "Renewable through the Power Ring. Note that if the Ring is not recharged and runs out of power, constructs such as these will fail as well."

"This 'Cortana' is alive?" asked Hiashi, reactivating his Byakugan and trying to look. At first glance it looked as if the semi-transparent figure had a chakra network, but was that fuuinjutsu symbols speeding along the pathways?

"Incorrect," said Index. "Advanced parser with ability to adapt and learn."

"I see," said Hiashi, not understanding that but not willing to admit anything of the sort.

"Since you're here, I've been wanting to get someone else's reaction to something else here," said Hiruzen.

* * *

"So, boss, can you play ninja?" asked Konohamaru.

"What kind of ninja plays ninja?" asked Sakura.

"It's training," said Naruto.

"Right. Training," replied Sakura. She thought for a moment. "Just don't use - you know."

"Only passively," agreed Naruto.

"Passively?" asked Sakura.

"What are you talking about, boss?" asked Konohamaru.

"Team secrets," said Naruto with a conspiratorial wink.

"Oh," said Konohamaru, intrigued. He'd have to spy on them to figure it out. Speaking of which. "So, boss, are you and she?" He held up a pinky finger.

"What?! What kind of nonsense were you telling him?" asked Sakura, thinking that Naruto might have been telling Konohamaru something completely untrue.

"Nothing," said Naruto nervously. "Just that you're a member of my team."

"I was just asking if this was your girlfriend," said Konohamaru in an irritated tone himself. "Should have known."

"Right," said Sakura, walking away. After all, she was way too good for Naruto. Even with his new toy. And that he was acting more intelligent since getting it. And...

"Yeah, you're too violent, and you're way not good looking enough," said Konohamaru.

Sakura nodded a couple of times before the words penetrated. Then her reaction was completely predictable and understandable. She stopped walking away. She twitched.

Naruto saw the warning signs. "Konohamaru. Run!"

Konohamaru saw the expression on the pink-haired kunoichi as she turned and came to an identical conclusion. "Later boss!"

"KILL!" declared Sakura, giving chase.

"RUN AWAY!" declared Naruto, running after Konohamaru.

"AHHH!" screamed four civilians, turning and running alongside the ninja because if the ninja were running from something there was a good chance they'd need to be running too.

"AHHH!" screamed a shopkeeper as Udon ran through a display of silk scarves and continued running with several stuck to him. "Get back here!"

A group of Academy students walking dogs (they'd heard this was the typical D-Rank mission and were practicing) heard the screams and yelling and watched the first group pass them by. The dogs got excited and decided they wanted in on it, dragging their walkers along. At least until the young students looked back, saw what they thought was a hannya, and started running with everyone else.

* * *

Temari sniffed at the breeze. "Hmmm. That smells tasty."

"Meh, whatever," said Kankuro. "This is boring. Wish something interesting would happen."

_CRASH! TRAMPLETRAMPLETRAMPLETRAMPLE!_

Temari lifted herself off the sidewalk and looked over at where her brother was likewise lying on the sidewalk, covered with footprints. Also pawprints. "You  had to say something, didn't you?"

Kankuro lifted himself up. "Aw c'mon. All I did was say that I wished that something not boring would happen."

_TRAMPLETRAMPLETRAMPLETRAMPLE!_

"SHANNARO!" yelled some pink-haired girl, holding a chair over her head as she chased the crowd.

Temari slowly lifted her head. "Not. A. Word."

A suspicious sound came from a nearby tree.

"Did... Gaara just chuckle?" asked Temari.

The sound repeated as if someone who didn't know how to laugh was trying to suppress the sound and didn't completely manage the feat.

"That's it, the world's coming to an end," said Kankuro.

Temari rolled abruptly off the path.

"AH! A HANNYA!" _TRAMPLETRAMPLETRAMPLE!_

"Who are you calling a hannya?!" _TRAMPLE!_

"I hate this village," decided Kankuro.

* * *

Gaara stared as it all went down.

First the little boy and a blond boy about his age. Followed by four large dogs, three kids about four years younger than he was, four adults of about twenty years or so, some merchant whose apron read "Silk World", three men and four women in their mid to late twenties - all running in a large group.

Running directly over both Temari and Kankuro.

He overheard the comments from Kankuro and Temari, as Kankuro apparently didn't realize that the girl chasing the crowd (carrying a folding chair over her head) had cut the group off and they were heading back.

So he watched as they trampled Kankuro and Temari once again.

It happened again, but this time Temari was able to get herself out of the path of the crowd.

The one girl, the pink haired one with the folding chair, seemed to be getting angrier and angrier as she went.

To inspire such terror, as well as the nickname of 'Hannya' - she must be far more formidable than he would have thought just based on her appearance.

"I hate this village," said Kankuro, getting up at the end of his statement and lunging forward. "As for YOU..."

Gaara was in position to see Kankuro's footing slip, as the girl turned to see what was happening behind her. He got a good view as Kankuro's hand closed around one of the girl's breasts. Or was at least at that approximate area since she didn't seem to have much in the way of breast development.

Another odd strangled noise forced its way out of Gaara's throat as things once again followed a very predictable path - even though he had never seen anything like this happen before in real life.

* * *

"I hate this village. As for you-"

Sakura turned at the unfamiliar voice and the spike of killing intent.

An unfamiliar boy lunged forward and grabbed her chest.

At the tender age of thirteen, Sakura could admit that she'd just seen the beginnings of development there but had hopes she would surpass Ino and various other girls in that regard.

"WHAT THE HELL?!" roared Sakura.

"Kankuro!" yelled a girl who was on the ground.

"Hey! It was an accident! It ain't like there's anything there for me to grope anyway!" countered Kankuro, snatching his hand away. At which point he realized that hadn't been the best thing he could have said.

The pink-haired girl seemed to be glowing now. Her eyes like spotlights, an aura of blue forming, the metal folding chair in her hands somehow giving the impression that shadows were gathering on it.

Kankuro prepared to substitute with one of his puppets, because he was getting a VERY unpleasant feeling right now.

"RAGHHHHH!" declared the pink as she brought the chair around with enough force that it dented on impact. Kankuro, safely inside the bundle, decided not to make a sound as his Crow puppet was sent flying across the street and impacted a building.

Unable to see at the moment due to his position, he waited a few seconds then whispered to where he knew his sister would be. "Did the hannya leave?"

"RAGHHHHH!"

"That would be a 'no'," realized Kankuro, throwing his concealing bandages off in order to make a break for it.

He didn't make it far before someone grabbed him.

"Enough," said Gaara as he came down out of the tree. "You're going to make us late."

"Blame the Pink Hannya," suggested Kankuro, thinking that throwing his brother at this monster girl was his safest bet.

"WHAT WAS THAT?!" responded Sakura.

"Very well, Pink Hannya of the Leaf. I shall see you in the Exams," said Gaara.

"That's not my name!" indicated the pink-haired girl. "Sakura Haruno."

"Sakura Haruno, the Pink Hannya. I shall remember it. Perhaps you will prove my existence," said the redhaired boy as he turned away from the meeting spot and walked off.

"But Gaara..." protested Kankuro as he followed behind, then went over to a building and gathered a large broken puppet up before shooting a worried glance at Sakura and hurrying to catch up.

"You amused Gaara," said the blonde girl as she walked away, looking shell-shocked. "Gaara doesn't HAVE a sense of humor. But you amused him. I can't..."

Sakura shook her head. "Great. Wait a minute. Those headbands were from Suna!"

* * *

"How bad is it?" asked Temari.

"She really did a number on Crow," noted Kankuro as he looked over the puppet. "I can have him repaired in a couple of hours though - the parts are meant to come apart after all so it looks worse than it is."

"But she still 'did a number' on it?" asked Temari.

"Yeah, managed to hit a support strut just right," said Kankuro.

"Interesting," said Temari.

"Just a lucky hit," said Kankuro.

Gaara made an odd noise.

"What?" asked Kankuro.

"Konohagakure," said Gaara. "Forget they're weak treehuggers. What else do you know about them?"

"They..." Temari straightened as something she'd noticed earlier clicked. "They love bloodlines."

"Bloodlines?" asked Kankuro.

"Who else have you seen with PINK hair?" asked Temari. "I was close enough to see if she had different colored roots. That was natural."

"Oh," said Kankuro. Yeah, that made sense.

"Hmph," hmphed Gaara, who was thinking that it was most likely just a lucky hit. But if it WAS the girl having some powerful bloodline - so much the better when he crushed her later.

* * *

"That is beyond belief," said Hiashi Hyuga.

"So is this device," noted Hiruzen Sarutobi. "So is Naruto's Ring."

Hiashi paused. "He will be competing in the Chunin Exams?"

"I have already heard from Kakashi Hatake that he will be entering Team 7 in that," said Hiruzen, adjusting his Hokage hat.

Hiashi frowned.

"Naruto is unlikely to use his Ring to harm any of his friends," said the Hokage. "Quite the opposite in fact."

"That is not the concern," said Hiashi. He went back to frowning.

"Well, it is rather a lot of information to absorb," said the Hokage. "Get back to me when you've had a chance to figure it out. I'll want to hear your opinion."

"Yes," said Hiashi slowly as the disc was put away and the privacy seal broken. "That sounds like a good idea."

* * *

"So,  
we're ready?" asked Sakura, sounding slightly nervous.

"Hn," indicated Sasuke, confident.

Naruto's Ring faded into invisibility and he stepped up to one wall. "Exam's on the third floor, right?"

"Naruto!" exclaimed Sakura. "We're supposed to turn our applications over to Kakashi-sensei first. He's in there somewhere."

"Oh," said Naruto, disappointed.

"You just wanted to enter in some dramatic fashion," pointed out Sakura. "Ninja should be quiet and not draw attention to themselves by fitting into the shadows."

Sasuke and Naruto both stared at Sakura for a moment, wondering what kind of ninja she was talking about because that sure didn't describe any of the ninja they'd run into so far.

"Where did that come from?" asked Sasuke finally.

"I've been re-reading several books on the subject," said Sakura. "After all, this test IS to see if we're ready to become chunin."

"Right," said Sasuke, dismissing this and decided to just go ahead and bull through. He was aware of his team trailing behind him as he entered the building.

They were quickly aware that SOMETHING was up though. Several foreign teams edged away from them, looking especially guarded as Team 7 passed.

Sasuke at first thought it was about him, he being the Last Uchiha after all. Then he thought it might have been the dobe, the idiot having somehow given away that he had that blue advantage of his. When he heard the phrase "Pink Hannya" the second time, he glanced at Sakura and considered asking.

"What's a 'hannya' anyway?" asked Naruto, scowling. He hadn't caught the 'pink' part of that title.

"They're not talking about you," said Sasuke.

"No?" asked Naruto, perking up slightly.

Sakura had the grace to look moderately embarassed at least. Also annoyed and somewhat prepared for violence.

"Genjutsu," said Naruto, leading them past some altercation in front of a room.

"Obviously," said Sasuke.

"Of course," agreed Sakura.

Up another flight of stairs, and there was Kakashi Hatake.

"Doing this without that ring of yours?" asked Kakashi.

"Invisible," said Naruto, the Ring briefly shimmering in place on one hand.

"Well, that's a most hopeful sign," said Kakashi. "You're actually thinking ahead. Good job."

"Your confidence in me is underwhelming, Kakashi-sensei," grumped Naruto.

"Well, go ahead and hand me your applications, then go in," said Kakashi. "Last word of advice: try not to die."

"Good advice," said Sakura.

"Yes, the paperwork I'd have to fill out would be terrible," said Kakashi as he took the forms.

* * *

"That was the Pink Hannya," said a genin from Kusagakure, having spied on a dialogue between a Suna genin and an Oto genin.

"Supposedly she puts on an act of innocence to keep people off-balance, then she reveals that she's some ax-crazy," said a genin from Oto, wondering how the Kusa genin had that intel.

"Not that crazy ninja are all that uncommon," noted another genin from Kusa.

"I wasn't saying there was anything wrong with that," offered the Oto genin. "Just means that on that team, the most harmless looking one is the most dangerous. Interesting strategy. If you didn't know better, you'd dismiss her as being inconsequential and concentrate on that Uchiha kid."

"Good point," offered one of the other Oto genin in the small crowd. Hitting the hannya first was probably the best strategy, keep her from unleashing whatever jutsu she had.

Neji frowned slightly, going over the details he'd observed from the pink-haired girl. He'd thought she was just a weak and not very serious genin. How could you take someone with bubblegum-pink hair seriously? Yet apparently the girl had a reputation already.

He'd have to keep an eye on her. With a name like 'Pink Hannya' - she might be a genjutsu expert and that would be a problem for his team. Not for him, obviously, but his team might be at a disadvantage against such.

* * *

Scan completed.  
Candidates: 153.  
Teams: 51.  
Proctors: 12.  
Chakra levels vary from feeble to extremely high.

"Huh," said Naruto softly relaying the information his Power Ring was relaying silently to him. "So some of these guys have really high chakra levels? Maybe some aren't really genin then?"

Sakura and Sasuke glanced at Naruto, considered that he'd been able to pull up a map of Wave Country and highlight hidden patrols, and then began examining their fellow participants a bit more closely.

Sasuke frowned as he considered how to ask Naruto which ones had the high chakra levels. Also how Naruto could reply without giving away the advantage to others.

"So I see you guys made it here too. How troublesome."

"SASUKE-KUN!" _GLOMP!_

"GET. OFF," Sasuke practically growled at the kunoichi draping herself over him.

Sakura grabbed Ino and began trying to pull her rival off of Sasuke.

"Wow. Reminds me of those Academy days," said Kiba, looking over the scene as he walked up with his team.

"Yo," said Naruto, smiling and waving at Hinata. The Ring had said that whatever her problem was - he could help overcome it through being friendly so he was aiming for that.

"Eep," managed Hinata before smiling shyly back while poking her forefingers together.

Breakdown of high chakra readings among test participants  
Jinchuriki: 1 (unstable)  
High Jonin level: 2  
Jonin level: 7  
Special Jonin level: 13  
Chunin level: 73  
Low Chunin level: 42  
Genin level: 15

Naruto frowned. What the heck did that stuff mean? He'd have to ask later when there wasn't a lot of people around.

"You guys ought to be more quiet," said a guy with glasses as he approached. "Don't you know where you are?"

"In the Chunin Exams," said Naruto, trying to keep his voice low. Which wasn't as effective as he wanted. "With one hundred fifty three competing, from four different villages. Most of 'em have high chakra levels and there's at least one of 'em who's unstable. Most of 'em are hostile."

"Uhm, yes," said the glasses-wearer. "Look around you though. You see why calling attention to yourself just makes yourself a target?"

"Aren't you going to get off of me?" asked Sasuke to Ino.

"Nope!" chirped Ino.

"Shannaro!" declared Sakura, sending a fist into Ino's face and loosening the Yamanaka's grip.

Sasuke did a substitution as soon as he felt the grip slacken, managing to exchange himself with Kiba.

"EWWWWWW! Sasuke that was MEAN!" complained Ino as she leapt off. "Now I've got to spray myself for fleas!"

Kiba growled, not surprising anyone at all.

"You guys should take a quieter approach," advised the glasses-wearing ninja. "Take a word of advice from someone who's been through this before."

"You've been through this before? It's troublesome enough just this once," complained Shikamaru.

"Most genin have to go through at least two exams before being promoted," noted the glasses-wearer.

"Excuse me, you obviously know who we are," said Shikamaru. "And you are?"

"Kabuto Yakushi, Konohagakure medic-nin. This is my 7th time taking this test," began Kabuto.

"What? 'Seven'?" asked Kiba. "Man, you must suck."

"What a pain," said Shikamaru. "And you're offering to help us - why?"

"Well, we're from the same village and you guys kind of remind me of how my team was the first time around," offered Kabuto. "In fact, I'll even let you look at my Ninja Info Cards."

"'Ninja Info Cards'?" asked Shikamaru, sounding a little suspicious.

"What are those?" asked Sakura.

Naruto read off the information his Ring was giving him. "Fuuinjutsu on regular cardstock, coded to his chakra using a chakra-sensitive ink in five colors. By using his chakra in a specific pattern, he basically bridges a gap in the ink's structure to make the information visible again."

If a frog in a top-hat had started dancing on a desktop while singing about a 'ragtime gal', he would have been stared at only slightly less than Naruto was being stared at.

"Uhm, right, good guess," said Kabuto. "Well..."

"I take it from the name that those are cards containing information on ninja," said Shikamaru, who managed to sigh in a tired manner at the end of that before continuing. "Which means we should ask about a known individual to judge how accurate the information is. How tiring."

"Ah, yes, that would be prudent, I suppose" admitted Kabuto, wondering what happened to his established script.

"Okay," said Naruto, brightening as he prepared to say something.

"What do they say about the Pink Hannya?" asked a blonde kunoichi from Suna, having gotten close enough to overhear.

"The wha?" asked Kiba.

"I haven't had the chance to revise that one since I came into some updated intel," admitted Kabuto.

"Who's the 'Pink Hannya'... Forehead?" asked Ino as the only one in the entire room who had ANYTHING in that shade was her former friend/rival.

"Yes," said Kabuto, using a finger to push his glasses into place. "Surprising that one so young and inexperienced has managed to make such a reputation for herself, while maintaining a cover of being some silly and incompetent genin."

"Erk," said Sakura, wanting to belt this guy but also realizing that the looks of respect she'd been getting were keeping her from being the target of outright hostility.

"What about that guy?" asked Naruto pointing to a redhead.

"Gaara?" asked the Suna kunoichi.

"Gaara of the Sands," said Kabuto, glad that things were finally back on track. He charged one of the cards, revealing the information inscribed on it.

* * *

"A written test? Two points off for each time you cheat?! Third time you fail your entire team?!" Naruto felt on the verge of panic.

Scan ready.

Naruto took a deep breath, calming himself. He was the Blue Lantern, he could do this with the scanning abilities of his Power Ring. Which was invisible so he could keep it with him but still follow the directions of keeping it secret.

"Turn the papers over and begin in the manner of excellent shinobi," said Ibiki Morino from the front of the room.

Analysis of first question. Calculation of speeds and angles are as follows-

Naruto quickly jotted down the answer, then included the additions about wind speed and possible gravitic anomalies. Not that he understood what such things meant, but it sounded smart at least.

Cryptography. The cipher is a simple substitution with an ascending variable based on the number of words preceding the current one. Message is as follows - 

Naruto grinned as he wrote everything down, feeling a surge of confidence he hadn't had when 'written test' was mentioned. He could do this!

* * *

Hinata paused as she became aware that Naruto was writing away quickly and more confidently. What had happened to Naruto? She had observed him for a very long time, but her expectation would have been that he would have been lost on a written exam.

She could practically feel confidence radiating off of him. That was always one of the things she liked about Naruto though. Unlike the cold hide-your-feelings dignity-is-job-one of her family, Naruto was always enthusiastic and free with his emotions. Whatever he was feeling - you could tell immediately with Naruto!

She waited until he was working on the ninth question before tilting her head forward so that her bangs covered her eyes, then held her hands under the table so she could do the quick handsigns to activate her bloodline.

Then she looked over four nearly-completed tests before focussing on Naruto's test. She quickly began copying his, smiling at the thought that she'd considered offering him to cheat off of her. Now she was cheating off of him. Naruto had a tendency to surprise people, even her who knew him so well.

* * *

Sakura gaped for a moment at the sight of Naruto sitting there, writing away as if the test was so simple he could have done it with his eyes closed.

Some of these questions were hard even for her!

Of course, she quickly realized it had to be that ring of his - feeding him the answers.

The gaping gave way to a smile. She didn't have to worry about Sasuke failing this test of course. And she was able to handle it - no problem! Without having to worry about Naruto doing something stupid, she could concentrate on the test herself.

* * *

Ino noticed that Sakura was scribbling away, only pausing long enough to look at Naruto.

Naruto, the class clown and dead-last, who was writing away at the test like it was no problem?! What the hell?! He had to be cheating somehow - but how?

Curiosity got the better of her, and she went through her hand signs. "Mind Body Switch Technique."

Intercept

Blue. She was lost in a world of brilliant sapphire, with no up or down, nothing but an endless maze of brilliant blue crystalline walls.

Ino realized she wasn't going anywhere, so tried to end the technique and return to her body.

The blue walls remained around her.

"Oh hell," said Ino, realizing that something was seriously wrong but having no idea what.

* * *

Shikamaru frowned as he noticed that Ino had used her possession technique, but was spending a lot of time slumped in place at her desk.

He just knew this was going to be troublesome.

* * *

.Initial analysis of Intruder complete.  
.Intruder identified as marginally allied competitor.  
.Analysis of cultural morals and legal structure indicate nonlethal parameters preferred.  
.Leaking of nonmission-sensitive data into environment has provided further access of Intruder's memories and thought patterns.  
.Intruder identified as Yamanaka Ino.  
.Intruder's current mental shielding is rated Feeble.  
.Response selected.

* * *

The expressions. It didn't matter where he went, or what he did. It was always the same thing.

_Please._

Hate. Disgust. Turning away.

_Please don't._

"Why didn't they just kill it at birth?"

_Look at me!_

Those eyes that stared at him but didn't see him.

_Please, look at me!_

"Monster."

_Please._

"Demon."

_Why do you hate me?!_

"Should be dead!"

_Why?_

"Disgusting filth! Get out of my shop!"

_Won't someone?_

"It's THAT thing again."

_Please. Someone?_

"Ignore it. Maybe it'll go off and die somewhere on its own."

_Can't someone? Anyone?_

"It's not like it's human or something. Just kick it out of your way."

_Can't anyone see ME?_

"I'd have strangled it in the crib if it was up to me."

_Those eyes that don't see me, you see something else. And you hate it._

"Oh, it's just That Thing."

_I didn't do anything!_

"I feel unclean just seeing that thing walking around."

_I'm Naruto Uzumaki! I'm not a 'thing'!_

"Someone should just dispose of it, and good riddance."

_I'll make people acknowledge me!_

"You must stay away from That Boy!"

* * *

Ino broke contact with the wall, breathing heavily even though she knew that this was just her mental projection. Whatever these odd crystal barriers were, they had memories from Naruto's past.

For that matter, why DID everyone hate the goofball? Yeah, she'd met rocks that had a better personality and more mental capacity, but hadn't Naruto been hated before he started pranking and doing other stupid tricks?

Shaking her head, Ino tried another path to see if it would lead out of the maze. She was aware of it when a trailing foot brushed against a blue crystal wall.

* * *

"I'm just saying, if you keep serving that demon brat - you'll be losing business."

Naruto crouched lower behind the stack of garbage.

"You've said your piece. Now get out."

"You don't care if 'Ichiraku Ramen' goes under, or your business meets some unfortunate accidents?"

"You think you intimidate me just because you're a ninja and I'm not? You delivered your message but I don't think you understand something. You try smearing me with rumors, or sabotaging my business, or anything like that - I know who to report and who to report TO. Ichiraku's will serve any reasonable customer who comes here and doesn't make a fuss. That includes Naruto Uzumaki!"

Naruto felt something wet trickling down one cheek and wondered what that was from.

"Your business will suffer, old man."

"My business has been here for years, and will be here years from now. I serve quality food, make my noodles myself, and am not afraid. Anyone easily cowed shouldn't operate a business in a ninja village. Now go on. I have customers to prepare for."

Naruto snuck away again, trying to fight the smile off his face and losing.

* * *

What had THAT been?

Ino wasn't sure. Wasn't Ichiraku's some ramen bar? Why had an ANBU been trying to convince the proprietor to stop serving a particular customer?

She didn't understand, but-

Oh crap! The test!

* * *

"-and I'm gonna TAKE that tenth question, and if I fail and you say I can't become a chunin, then I'll be the first genin to become Hokage! And then I'll fire your ass for making such lame ass rules!"

Ibiki noticed that one of the girls in the background, the Yamanaka, was drooling on herself. Everyone else seemed to have regained their nerve. "Nobody else going to spare themselves and quit now?"

"I never give up! That's my ninja way!"

"Fine. You guys pass," said Ibiki.

Ino Yamanaka snored very loudly.

Ibiki cocked his head at that. _I have to rethink this test. Otherwise someone who fainted from the stress manages to pass it, and that just isn't right._

_CRASH!_

"ARRIVING!"

"Waitaminute!" yelled the Suna kunoichi. "What do you mean 'pass'? Do you mean someone so lame they passed out during the test passed?!" She pointed at the snoring Ino. "And who the hell is this?!"

The woman in the mesh and trenchcoat combination frowned at her. "You saying there's something wrong with the way I dress?"

"No," said Temari. "Kunoichi using sex appeal to distract male opponents is an old and established tactic. But you managed to put a shard of glass into one of the genin in the first row."

"Oh," said Anko. "Well if you were going to let something like that bother you, you shouldn't be in the test."

"The people giving the test shouldn't be trying to kill the people taking the test," protested Temari. "That's OUR job."

"Ah, good point," said Anko, nodding. "Well, I'm Anko Mitarashi, and I'll be the proctor for the... Is that kunoichi over there ASLEEP?"

"Looks like it," said Ibiki, thinking that maybe his initial assessment was wrong. Seating arrangement said that was a Yamanaka, so she might have run into a problem with her jutsu. Got bounced off a particularly strong shield and end up floating around the room. Hadn't that happened to Inoichi once several years ago?

Anko stared at Ino, then at Ibiki, then back to Ino.

One of the more silly looking kunoichi in the back held up a marker. "Let's doodle on her!"

Anko fixed the marker-wielding kunoichi with a particularly venomous glare. She was going to be getting the nastiest of the gates assigned to her. Even worse than the sleeper.

"GAH!" yelped Ino, jumping up. "Seven. Warring States Period. Clan Restoration Act? Ramen?"

"I take it back," said Anko, sounding slightly amused as the Yamanaka stared wildly around herself. "I think you managed to break her."

* * *

They'd gathered here with the rest of the teams, but something was going on.

"I figured Ino would be all over you again," noted Naruto.

"Hn."

"Instead she's hanging back and looking over here a lot," noted Naruto further. "Why's she looking at me like that?"

"Hn."

"And why are you keeping me between you and her?" asked Naruto.

"You're fangirl repellant. I have at last found a use for you."

Naruto glared at Sasuke and managed to put a fair amount of sarcasm into his voice. "Gee. Thanks."

"Maybe she's just giving up on Sasuke and recognizing that the fate has me as the superior?" wondered Sakura aloud.

"Hn," hnned Sasuke, sounding somewhat skeptical.

"All right you punks! Welcome to Training Ground 44, the Forest Of Death!" said the trenchcoat-wearing proctor.

"Why is it always the 'Forest Of Death'?" asked a Takigakure genin. "Or the 'Desert Of Suffering', 'Valley Of The End', 'Doom Crater', 'River Of A Thousand Teeth', 'Mountain Of Lost Hope', and so on?"

"We're ninja," said Shikamaru. "We love the dramatic. Even if it's entirely too troublesome."

"I heard about a place called the 'Island of Horror' that's actually fairly nice and picturesque," said a Kusa genin. "They named it that to keep the tourists away."

"Did it work?" asked a Suna genin.

"Mostly. I hear they get a few ninja every so often who get disgusted with the worst hazard being when the ice machine breaks down," answered the Kusa genin.

"Excuse me," said Anko Mitarashi, irritated both by the interruption and the memory of that incident. "The test?"

"Oh right," said the Taki genin.

"Anyway, this is not that island," said Anko. "In there, it is kill or be killed. Monstrous creatures abound."

"Abound? What's that mean?" asked a Kusa genin.

"It means they pounce a lot, dummy," said another Kusa genin.

"Oh! That makes sense!"

Anko twitched.

"Monstrous creatures abound?" prompted a Takigakure genin.

"Right," said Anko, displaying two scrolls and talking about how they would be issued one and have to get the other by any means possible. "You have a week to do it."

"So, is there a MRSP system?" asked the Takigakure genin who'd prompted her earlier.

"A wha?" asked Anko.

"Minimum Required Sanity Point system," said the Takigakure. "Will points be taken away from teams displaying a lack of sane behavior?"

Anko stared at the Takigakure ninja for a moment. "We're ninja. Why would we need 'sanity'?"

"Oh, it's one of those tests," mumbled the Taki ninja, clearly disappointed.

"Screw it," said Anko, throwing a kunai to cut someone's cheek, then disappearing behind them to lick the blood off. "Anyone else want to interrupt me?"

"GET AWAY FROM SASUKE! His blood is mine to lick... Wait a minute, that didn't come out right."

Anko stepped away after giving an extra squeeze to the young genin in question.

Sakura growled and went over to squeeze Sasuke there, only stopped when Sasuke doubled the glare he was giving his female team-member.

"Why me?" asked Sasuke after Sakura backed off.

"Why do you get all the girls?" grumbled Naruto.

"Hn," indicated Sasuke with a shrug.

"You dropped this," said a Kusa genin, handing a kunai back to Anko though he used his tongue to do so.

"Gee thanks," said Anko, barely glancing at the Kusa nin. "Anyway, any of you wanting to take the test - fill out these forms absolving Konohagakure and me personally for anything that might happen in there. We are not responsible for death, dismemberment, physical or emotional scarring, disease, food poisoning, any other kind of poisoning, yandere fangirls-"

"I AM NOT YANDERE!" yelled six or seven kunoichi.

Temari and Tenten both facepalmed, then noticed each other's reaction. A tiny amount of mutual respect was felt - not that it would keep one from attacking the other if it was deemed at least a momentary advantage.

"- or any other mishap that might occur," continued Anko. "Anyone want to quit, now's a good time."

* * *

"Right," said Naruto. He couldn't do too much with his Power Ring concealed, but he could Scan.

Sasuke glanced his way, curious.

"Large predators in the trees to the right," whispered Naruto. "There's also a couple of giant tigers prowling around a half-mile in. There's also some kind of space/time jutsu involved. The fence is only thirty miles long, but the forest is much bigger than you'd think from that."

"Makes sense," whispered back Sasuke. The village was only so big after all.

"Wood technique... this was made by the First Hokage," whispered Naruto as the Ring scanned. "Ring speculates it may have been his first attempt to make Konohagakure and something twisted or went wrong. Something about the polarity of the neutron flow, but I don't understand that."

"Hn," indicated Sasuke, intrigued. The First Hokage was so powerful that even when something went wrong with his jutsu - what was left was a testament to his raw power.

The Gate opened, Team 7 leapt in.

They'd gone about fifty yards in, then Sasuke jagged left abruptly and went another hundred yards in that direction before stopping.

"What's up? Why are we stopping?" asked Sakura, having drawn a kunai and looking nervously around herself.

"Dobe. Use that Ring of yours, look around, then display a map," said Sasuke.

"Who made you boss?" asked Naruto, but he went ahead and did it because it made sense. The Ring lost its invisibility as it used more processing power to the task at hand.

A map of the area showed, with the edges slowly growing outward as they watched.

"Can you display hostile creatures?" asked Sasuke.

The map area was abruptly crawling with pulsing dots.

"Okay, clear that and display other genin teams," tried Sasuke.

"I see where you're going with this," said Naruto. The map lost most of the pulsing dots with new ones appearing.

"We've got an Earth scroll," said Sakura. "Can you just display those teams with a Heaven scroll?"

Seven blips showed on the map as it slowly continued to expand. Two were near their own location.

Sasuke met Naruto's eyes, a smug smile fitting into place on both of their faces.

"Uhm, how powerful are they?" asked Sakura, a little more cautious.

"Ring-san says it's difficult to say, and I should use shadow clones as probes to refine the search," said Naruto after a few moments. "Apparently there's so many predators it's having trouble filtering out chakra levels."

* * *

"Where is the Pink Hannya?" asked Gaara of the Rain genin caught in his sand trap.

"I don't know," choked the trapped genin.

"Wrong answer," said Gaara. "Sand Burial!"

"Ugh," said Kankuro a few minutes later. "Gaara, can you NOT get gore and blood all over the scroll? Now I'm having trouble reading which one it is."

Gaara just glared at his brother.

"He's right, we need to..."

A pink-haired girl ran past them. "Excuse me. Gotta run. Later."

"I thought I saw the Pink Hannya," said Kankuro, looking around.

"You did, you did see the Pink Hannya," said a slightly unnerved Temari. There hadn't been a hint of presence and then zoom - she was moving past them.

"That was the Pink Hannya," said Gaara, staring in the direction she'd disappeared in. "We're going after her."

* * *

"Why did you make forty copies of ME?!" asked Sakura.

"It seemed to work in Wave, besides - nobody's scared of me and they'd just mob Sasuke," pointed out Naruto. _Not to mention I'm supposed to keep Ring-san secret, so having my reinforced shadow clones look like someone else is a good plan._

"They won't just dispel if they run into a tree branch or something will they?" asked Sasuke, sounding thoughtful.

"Nah, with Ring-san reinforcing them, they can take minor hits. Any serious injury and they'll still go 'poof' but just light scratches or stuff won't break it," said Naruto. "I figured out how to do that back in Wave, remember?"

"Why did some of them look different?" asked Sasuke. "Some were carrying swords or other weapons."

"I got tired of just making regular copies and Ring-san said I could get in weapons practice with shadow clones," said Naruto, remembering when it had informed him of the way shadow clone memories fed back to him when they dispelled.

"Why did two of them have those masks?" asked Sakura, ready to belt Naruto.

"Well, you heard 'em call you the 'Pink Hannya' right? So I added a hannya mask," said Naruto.

"Don't hit him, you might dispel the technique," said Sasuke to Sakura.

* * *

Ino wasn't sure how to handle the new information she'd gotten about Naruto Uzumaki. She'd SEEN some of his memories, almost lived them herself.

She'd had to revise her opinion of him. He had a strength he'd kept hidden if he could keep smiling and act like a clown in the face of THAT kind of treatment. Or no, he hadn't hidden it so much as she'd just never seen it.

She'd have to ask around and get answers though. Her curiosity was fully engaged.

Now wasn't the time though. Just surviving would be a goal requiring her full attention.

Sakura ran past her, wearing a hannya mask and carrying a two-handed scythe.

Shikamaru turned to her. Choji scratched his head.

"I have NO idea, honestly," protested Ino.

* * *

They'd stabbed it, pinning the Pink Hannya to a tree. Who then looked up at them with an EVIL grin before dissolving into blue flecks of light.

"That was a shadow clone, right?" asked Koni.

"No," said Poni, drawing her tanto and looking wildly around. "A shadow clone would have dispelled at the first hit. Not bled blue blood and look at us like that before dispelling. Something else."

"That rumor that she's undead?" asked Doni.

"Just a rumor, Konoha wouldn't use zombies," said Poni, looking around. "It may have been some kind of substitution jutsu."

"Why was her blood BLUE?" asked Koni.

"Why are you asking me?" asked Poni. "Doni? Any sign of her? Doni?"

Silence.

Poni slowly looked over to where her other team-member was.

Crouched in an unnatural fashion, as if her joints didn't bend quite right, the Pink Hannya was perched on the back of the fallen Doni.

She looked up with a jerk, something that could be blood or venom dribbling down from her mouth with her eyes strangely glowing and reflective.

"WAGH!" Poni reacted by running forward, slashing wildly at the MONSTER.

Koni panicked and started throwing explosive-tagged kunai.

A few minutes later, a Sakura Haruno with hannya mask and scythe walked in, grabbed the scroll, fired a signal gun, and then left.

All the while thinking that shadow clone + transformation + a bit of cleverness was a very effective combination.

* * *

Sakura and Sasuke both stared, then looked at each other, then back to where Sakura had just slung a set of packs down in front of them.

"Uhm, what's this?" asked Sakura finally.

"Well, I'm kinda playing with that 'Pink Hannya' thing," answered the other Sakura, ignoring Sakura's growl at the nickname. "And ya know how much it drove that Zabuza guy up the wall when I did this. So we got more clones going out - providing Ring-san some kinda extension on the sensor stuff. Also looting everything possible cause more supplies for us, obviously."

"These are the more durable shadow clones you used back there then," said Sasuke.

"That's not all!" bragged the clone-Sakura. "Higher physical strength and some ability to use techniques like transformation and veil!"

"Veil?" asked Sakura.

"That was that technique the chunin were using back on that stairwell in the first exam building," answered Naruto as he walked into their little clearing. "Ring-san scanned it."

"So you got a Heaven scroll plus a bunch of supplies?" asked Sakura. "Who did you have to kill for it?"

"Nobody," said the other Sakura. "They were alive when I left them, had to bandage two of them up though or they wouldn't have lived much longer. One fainted and the other two got caught in their own explosive tags."

"I -" Naruto stopped and glanced up.

"What the heck?" asked the clone-Sakura. "Someone's attacked and dispelled two clones so far."

* * *

"Where did she go THIS time?!" growled Gaara.

"That's an interesting variation of the shunshin, dissolving into blue sparkles that fly away on the breeze before vanishing," noted Temari. "It's sort of like your Sand Body technique."

"I'm still working on that one," grumbled Gaara, not calmed down by reminder of a failure.

"Do you suppose she's mainly dodging and evading us because she doesn't want to display what techniques she actually has?" asked Kankuro, mainly because that was HIS sort of strategy.

"Most likely," said Temari after considering that. It wasn't HER sort of strategy but it was certainly a valid ninja sort of strategy. "As long as nobody gets chased around again."

"Don't worry, I'm in no hurry to spend more time repairing joints on my puppets," said Kankuro, irritated by the reminder. "Wait. I just saw-"

"SAND BINDING COFFIN!" said Gaara, sending tendrils of sand out at the girl as she leapt from one tree to another.

Again she ducked behind a tree at the first hit, then came the blue sparkles floating on the breeze.

"AGAIN?!" asked Gaara.

"AGH! HENTAI TENTACLES!"

That exclamation brought all three of them to a stunned halt. Gaara at the thought that someone had mistaken his attempts to kill the girl as anything other than just that. Kankuro at the thought of his little brother doing ANYTHING hentai. Temari at the sudden image she would be trying to get out of her head for a long time to come.

"PERVERT!" yelled the Pink Hannya, leaping from concealment and smashing a fist into Gaara's cheek before leaping away again.

Gaara just stood there for a few moments, shock over his features.

Temari stared at something new. "She got through his Sand Armor."

"WHAT?!" asked Kankuro. Gaara NEVER got hurt. Gaara NEVER got so much as a scratch on him. Gaara currently had a large purple slap-mark on one cheek.

Gaara brought a trembling hand up to the affected cheek.

"Gaara! Calm down!" Temari said, a little panicked. Who knew how her little brother would rage at this? He could end up going on an insane killing spree and letting his bijuu out.

Gaara's hand hovered around the slap-mark. The Pink Hannya had SLAPPED him. She had struck him right through the Sand Armor technique. He had FELT that.

And after the impact, a stirring within him. An unfamiliar one. It took him some time to fully put a name to it, as it was something that had been missing from his life. Something he'd thought had died and been buried.

Hope.

"Gaara? Are you... okay?" asked Temari as Gaara was NOT acting in any manner like she would have come to expect.

"This 'Pink Hannya' is," Gaara paused as he tried to find the right word.

"Infuriating? Frustrating? Marked for a painful death?" asked Kankuro.

"Someone easily underestimated," tried Temari. "Going from simple appearance, she seems a barely-trained girl playing at being a ninja. From what I've seen and heard though - that's just an act and she's a much more serious ninja under that."

"Interesting," finished Gaara. "She interests me."

"Well, if she interests you, go take her on a date or something," jested Kankuro, who turned pale under his makeup when Gaara brought a particularly cold gaze towards him. "Sorry."

They were crossing a boggy section two minutes later when Gaara spoke again. "What is actually involved in a 'date'?"

_SPLURCH!_

Kankuro and Gaara both stared at where the normally-more-graceful Temari had just slipped and fallen into the mud.

Kankuro shook his head as Temari spat up mud and tried to scrape less identifiable gunk off of herself. "Gaara's getting a sense of humor. I think the world is coming to an end."

Gaara perked up at the thought. If the world came to an end, there would be plenty of opportunities for blood to be spilled on his sand.

After he'd had a chance to indulge his curiosity about the Pink Hannya though.

* * *

"Uhm, Naruto." Sasuke, hefted the two scrolls briefly before putting them away. "We have BOTH scrolls."

"Right," agreed Naruto.

"The objective of the test is to try and get the two scrolls to the tower, right?" continued Sasuke.

"Yup!" Naruto nodded.

"So, why are you still sending dozens of Sakura out there into the forest?" asked Sasuke.

"Ah, Sasuke, Sasuke, Sasuke," said Naruto, shaking his head.

"Keep that up, and I'm going to hit you, Naruto," threatened Sakura. "Why are you sending DOZENS of ME out there?"

"Also a few of me. Even a few Sasuke," said Naruto. "Why? This is a MASSIVE opportunity to prank a lot of people, ain't it?"

"Idiot," said Sasuke.

"You're missing the point," said Naruto with a sigh. "Okay. How many of those OTHER ninja are out there looking for our scrolls?"

"All of..." Sasuke's voice trailed off and he looked startled for a moment. "All of them. Ah."

"Wha?" asked Sakura. "Back up. I missed something."

"It's so simple I missed it. At least some of them will be laying ambushes, others will be hunting us - the most rookie of the genin in the test," said Sasuke, nodding. "So Dobe here-"

"HEY!" protested Naruto.

"-has sent copies of us every which way in the forest." Sasuke glanced at Naruto. "They're the new more durable clones, right?"

"Of course," said Naruto.

"So someone hits them with a kunai, the clone survives long enough to hide and then dispel?" asked Sasuke.

"It was one of the ways I had Zabuza running around in circles at one point," admitted Naruto.

"My kami," breathed Sakura. "That means-"

"That we are much more likely to be able to make a straight run to the tower in the confusion?" asked Naruto, trying to look innocent and not getting anywhere near that goal.

Sakura switched to looking at Sasuke.

"I know," said Sasuke to Sakura. "Scary, isn't it?"

"Why do I get the feeling I'm being insulted?" asked Naruto.

"No idea," lied Sasuke. "But as long as you've got this plan going, we might as well see how it works."

"Huh," said Sakura, deciding to go through the packs for anything they might be able to use. "As long as you're not having my clones do anything weird."

Silence.

"Na-ru-to?" asked Sakura slowly, an awful suspicion forming.

"Define 'weird'," suggested Naruto.

"We're wasting time, discuss this AFTER we reach the tower," suggested Sasuke.

* * *

"Something interesting?" asked Tonbo.

Ibiki Morino slid a piece of paper forward on his desk.

Tonbo cocked his bandaged head as he looked over the scrawled lines of script covering the paper. "This is the written portion of the Chunin Exam. These answers though."

"The shuriken question gives ranges that allow for wind speed, gravitic anomalies, and changes in air density," noted Ibiki. "It also gives suggestions on using vectors or ninja wires to make the paths less predictable."

"Someone did the whole exam like that?" asked Tonbo. "Someone with way too much book-learning and not enough practical?"

"Naruto Uzumaki," said Ibiki. "He will bear watching."

* * *

"What exactly IS that?" asked Orochimaru as a snake swallowed another 'Pink Hannya' and looked very uncomfortable for a moment. At any moment he expected, like the last three of the pinkettes that were swallowed whole, that the snake would either sneeze blue sparkly stuff or they would erupt from the other end.

That the first time that had happened, Orochimaru of the Sannin had nearly hurt himself from taking in the snake's expression and the sheer ridiculousness of it - well it was fortunate that no one had been around to see it. He'd gotten himself under control, but frankly he couldn't remember the last time he'd laughed.

This pinked dinner did neither however and the snake simply exploded.

"Oh, that one must have been an explosive shadow clone. How interesting," said Orochimaru as he neatly avoided falling snake-bits. Throwing out a number of these odd clones, shadow clones, and explosive shadow clones? Impressive amounts of chakra and the decision to be as unpredictable as possible. Clearly the Pink Hannya was to be spared if at all possible - such promise was something he'd want to observe himself. She just might make an interesting recruit.

But never as a body-candidate. Too much pink. No, that would never do.

A thought occurred to Orochimaru, putting a smirk back onto his face. Why not confuse the issue FURTHER? A few extra pink-haired clones thrown into the mix would be interesting and allow him some first-hand data from interacting with Konoha ninja.

And with any luck he could infiltrate Sasuke Uchiha's team after finding and neutralizing the pinkette.

* * *

"Honestly," said Shikamaru. "Is this really a good idea?"

"You just don't come close," snapped Ino. "Just stay over there and keep watch!"

A grumbling noise might have contained the word "troublesome" from where Shikamaru was standing guard.

Ino Yamanaka thought something very unflattering about her two team-mates, but how the heck was someone supposed to pee around here with potential ambushers at any moment?

It wasn't like there were two girls on the team so one could stand guard while the other took care of necessary biological functions.

"EEP!"

"AAAA!"

Sakura stared at her. Ino stared back.

"Ino?" asked Shikamaru.

"It's just forehead girl," complained Ino, finishing her business. "What are YOU looking at?"

"SORRY!" yelped Sakura, turning three shades of red and turning around as fast as humanly possible.

"Well, you can keep watch at least," allowed Ino. "Throwing us in here without any warning like that. At least if this was a mission I'd get some warning about an overnight."

"Erk," said Sakura.

"What's your problem, Forehead?" asked Ino. "We've gone to the restroom together before."

"We have?!" squeaked Sakura.

"What is wrong with you, anyway?" asked Ino. "Oh, you give up on Sasuke yet?"

"Pfeh. You want Sasuke, you can have him. Bleh." Sakura paused, even from the back Ino could tell she'd just thought of something.

"What is it? You find something out about Sasuke while on his team?" asked Ino.

"Yeah. He's gay."

"WHAT?!" screeched Ino.

"Ino? Are you okay? Sakura's not molesting you or something is she?"

"SHIKAMARU? Get your mind out of the gutter," grumbled Ino. "That wasn't a very funny joke, Forehead."

"I- I'm so sorry, Ino," said Sakura, turning around. "It's just ERKL?!"

"Sakura? Why are you bleeding from the nose?" asked Ino, stopping as she adjusted her top. "Sweat gets under there, I'm just taking a moment to air it out."

Sakura staggered away, red-faced and bleeding from the nose.

"What was that about anyway? It was almost like..." Ino stopped, considered. Waitaminute. She'd never actually seen Sakura try to make a move on Sasuke. Sakura had broken off their friendship after Ino had declared she was interested in Sasuke. That look. That nosebleed. Saying that Sasuke was gay in that irritated tone of voice.

"oh. my. lord." Ino dropped her top, then quickly put it back on. Not Sasuke. It was SAKURA who was gay! It all made sense! And she was after HER!

That this was a plotline in a bodice-ripper romance novel she'd read a few days ago just made it all seem the more likely.

"I'm done, let's get moving guys," said Ino, preparing to run when she noticed the pack that Sakura had dropped. "Eh? Sakura dropped something."

That the pack had the symbol of a Rain-nin was quickly discovered. That there were fresh bloodstains on it was also quickly discovered. With the discovery that there was a set of senbon, paralytic poisons, and what looked like a torture kit?

Ino was jumping at shadows for some time after that, not sure at all what had happened to Sakura in the time since their graduation.

* * *

"Why does Sakura smell of ramen?" asked Kiba after the Pink Hannya had run past them.

"I am uncertain," noted Shino.

"She took apart that Grass nin like he was an Academy student," noted Kiba. "When she'd get that strong?"

"Considering her performance in the Academy, she must have thrown herself into an intensive exercise program," said Shino.

"Well, whatever, lucky for us cause she left his supplies behind." Kiba quickly started going through the pack.

"Caution might-" began Shino before the purple cloud of gas exploded out of the pack.

"Oh dear," said Hinata, rooting around in her own pack for a general purpose antidote.

* * *

Naruto twitched every so often as memories flashed into him as a shadow clone was dissipated.

"You're doing something weird with my clones again," said Sakura, not making it a question.

"I ran across Ino. I gotta apologize or something," said Naruto. "She's totally... why DO girls want another girl around when they go to the bathroom?"

"Ick," was Sakura's predictable response.

Sasuke tried to look like he wasn't listening for an answer when he was curious about that himself.

"You were being a pervert while looking like ME?" asked Sakura, changing the subject.

"I didn't intend to," pointed out Naruto. "I was just kinda running around and practically ran into her."

"Should have run over her," grumbled Sakura. "Doesn't excuse you though."

"And that guy with the sand keeps coming after me," noted Naruto. "You might want to watch out for him."

"'Sand'?" asked Sasuke.

"Yeah, Ring-san said at one point he was moving about four tons of it. When he dispelled one of the clones he was using about that much in pressure against one trapped inside. Squish," said Naruto spreading the fingers of one hand and then clenching that hand into a fist when he gave the sound effect.

"Control of sand, hmmm," said Sasuke, considering what kinds of attacks and defenses such a thing could give a nin. _Obviously an Earth Release, probably some clan style with a number of manuevers based on that. Kekkei genkai perhaps?_

"Mister Sandman, eh? I'll be careful then," said Sakura. "Who else is out there?"

"Quite a few, but we're only a little ways from the tower," said Naruto.

"Naruto? That 'Veil' technique, can you use it to make us invisible?" asked Sasuke abruptly.

"Uhm, no." Naruto had paused a bit before answering and then paused again with his head cocked to the side. "Veil requires both the user and the target to be more-or-less staying in the same area and it doesn't work so good that you could make something invisible. You could change what someone sees when they look though, so you could maybe shift everything to the right a little so they'd be attacking the wrong spot. Or maybe something like making it look like everyone's asleep when they're all waiting to ambush the attacker. Stuff like that."

Sasuke nodded.

"Or something like this bit now where someone's trying to get us to wander around in circles," said Naruto.

"We're IN one?" asked Sasuke.

"Yeah, but it ain't sticking cause of Ring-san," said Naruto. "I put a shield up. Wouldn't work with us being this far apart if it were a stronger technique, but..."

"It would have been nice if you'd told us about that," said Sakura.

* * *

"It didn't hold them at all," noted the Rain-nin. "I'm not sure they even noticed."

"Of course they noticed," said another Rain-nin through his respirator. "That was the Pink Hannya. She probably noticed it and dismissed us as being not worth her time."

"Good," said the third Rain-nin. "We'll get our scroll the old fashioned way. By looting from the corpses of less powerful targets."

* * *

"Okay, watch out for the poison trap in the bushes just ahead," said Naruto quietly as the three went along.

"Hmmm?" asked Sakura, going to the bushes in question and examining them. "Oh. I see it. Hmmm. I could use this."

"You're taking apart the trap?" asked Sasuke.

"We know that we've got a third part of the exam to get through," said Sakura. "Plus we're only in the first day. We've got a week for this test to run. If we have to have a camp or room in that tower, I can put some traps around to protect us."

* * *

It was simple for someone of his level. Create a mud-clone, easiest and most durable of the clone techniques at his disposal, then use a henge to assume a different appearance.

That of a certain flat-chested pink-haired "Hannya" that was already running around as clones all over the place.

He had no idea what the blue sparkly stuff was, but it should be good enough.

_A team of genin? Oh. Wrong team. Well, time to try a little infiltration and see how well it works. If it fails, I know I've got some detail wrong and can correct it._

"Hi guys!" said the Pink Hannya, greeting the team. "Long time no see!"

"Sakura," said the girl, a Yamanaka if he recalled correctly. Nothing special as far as jutsu or talents if this was that girl. The other two looked like a Nara and an Akimichi. Again, nothing special. No big loss if he had to kill all three.

"I thought you just ran into Sakura a few minutes ago," commented the Nara.

"I was trying to forget that ever happened," said the Yamanaka with a frown. "Sakura! If you're gay, fine! I'm not that way! Just give up on Sasuke and we'll forget that little display earlier!"

_What? The 'Pink Hannya' is bisexual? Not that there's anything wrong with having no limitations to one's appetites. A bit strange at their current age though. Oh, but I can have a little fun at their expense perhaps._

_Shunshin. A little body modification jutsu and this should stir up the anthill a bit._

The Yamanaka was just beginning to react to the sudden disappearance of her "friend" when her arms wrapped around her and a lengthened tongue reached out to trace one ear. "Don't be like that, my love. If your heart is truly set on him, we can always share."

The Yamanaka had gone as stiff as a board, then tried to struggle, and then sagged as if the life had gone out of her.

"Okay, that was unexpected," said the Akimichi, who had dropped a potato chip and was otherwise occupied in staring.

The Nara seemed too shocked to use their usual intellectual prowess, which meant the little bit of fun had had the purpose he'd desired.

"Maybe later," he cooed in the pinkette's voice as he made sure to tenderly lay the kunoichi down and blow her a kiss before disappearing into the woods.

Maybe it was a leftover from seeing a large snake pass wind as blue sparkly dust, but he was feeling playful.

_Now. Let's see if I can just find Sasuke's team._

* * *

"Okay, we're here, now what?" asked Naruto.

"Probably something with the scrolls," mused Sakura. "Let me see them."

"Looks like we're the first here," said Naruto as he looked around. "Wonder if we get extra points for that."

"If not, we should," said Sasuke. If it helped him get to chunin faster, he certainly wouldn't turn it down.

"I... WHAT?!" said Naruto abruptly.

"What, what?" asked Sasuke.

"I just saw a Sakura running around, and it wasn't one of mine!" declared Naruto.

"What?" asked Sakura, looking up. "What do you mean 'not one of yours'?"

"It wasn't one of my shadow clones with a transformation on it, someone else is making copies of Sakura," said Naruto, confused. "But why would someone do that?"

"Or they're using a henge to look like Sakura," mused Sasuke. "Possibilities. One, they're trying to discredit the 'Pink Hannya' or have her take the blame for something."

"Oh, that is NOT reassuring," said Sakura, still kneeling in front of the scrolls but looking back and forth between her companions. "In a life or death contest?"

"Oh. You mean like two teams from the same village, but they don't want it getting back they killed their own, so they blame it on the notorious 'Pink Hannya' instead?" guessed Naruto.

"Yeah, something like that," admitted Sasuke, surprised that Naruto apparently got it in one try.

"Which means I might have someone coming after me with a vengeance quest. Lovely," said Sakura. She glared at Naruto. "How many did YOU kill when you were out there as me?"

"Nobody," said Naruto. "When have I ever done a prank that killed anyone?"

Sakura considered that and then nodded. Stupid pranks, yes. Lame, yes. Fatal, no.

"Two," continued Sasuke. "They wanted to use Sakura's undeserved reputation to try and intimidate some of the younger genin out there."

"You don't really have that much of a reputation, do you?" asked Naruto.

"Why are you asking me?! I didn't even know I HAD a reputation," said Sakura.

"Are those scrolls supposed to be smoking?" asked Naruto.

"Huh?" asked Sakura, turning her attention back to the scrolls she'd been fidgeting around with. "AGH!"

* * *

"There she is, and it looks like she has both scrolls."

"I'm sorry, Sakura. I will be as gentle as I can."

"Lee, she's not your girlfriend."

The Pink Hannya stopped as she was walking along the forest. Slowly she turned and looked up over her shoulder at the tree where three genin were hidden.

Her look was of someone completely and totally psychotic and in bloodlust. It managed to communicate serious pain and suffering and a lonely death to anyone who bothered her.

"Lee? You wanted to date that girl because you have a death wish I haven't heard about?" whispered Tenten.

"Errr," said Rock Lee, not at all sure what was going on.

Sakura vanished.

"Behi-" began Neji before he was hit in the head hard enough that he could swear he heard bones crack. Then he blessedly went unconscious before he hit the ground.

"FAST!" declared Lee as he avoided Sakura leaping at him, the nails on one hand extending out into something resembling swords. Which cut neatly through the tree-branch he'd been standing on a moment ago, so perhaps the sword analogy wasn't wrong.

"Fresh prey," muttered Sakura, plucking several thrown shuriken out of the air. "It's been awhile."

Tenten frowned as her throwing skills were apparently useless. She unsealed a pair of dao-style swords and went to a two-sword stance with them.

"Let's play, prey," said Sakura as Rock Lee and Tenten prepared to fight her.

As Rock Lee was hesitant, Tenten went first. One sword to be used defensively, the other offensively. Sakura's claw-sword style was blocked several times but Tenten realized she wasn't even coming close to hitting the younger genin. Instead she swayed and shifted around every strike. Very flexible.

"Overly reliant on your weapons," said Sakura, jabbing past Tenten's defenses and scratching her along the bicep. "Too easy. You're no fun at all."

"What do you mean too-" Tenten's eyes went wide as she stumbled and the world started losing focus. "Poison?!"

"Don't worry, it's not fatal. Not very often at least," offered Sakura. "Didn't you know? With kunoichi as with flowers, often the most alluring blossoms are the most deadly."

"TENTEN!" said the boy, leaping and catching the kunoichi before she could hit the ground.

"Left yourself wide open, boy," said Sakura, slamming a fist into the back of the boy's head.

When Rock Lee got up, he saw her expression indicate slight surprise and rising amusement.

"Not quite as pathetic as your team," noted Sakura. "Let me guess - taijutsu specialist?"

"Sakura. I regret this, but I must protect my team," said Rock Lee, going into a Strong Fist attack stance.

"Give me a good enough show and I'll toss you an antidote for that poison," promised Sakura. "Let's see how well you move."

"So be it," promised a completely serious Rock Lee.

* * *

"So," asked Naruto of Iruka, "does all that mean we've passed the test and can get a shower?"

"Yes," said Iruka.

"Good," said Naruto. "I think some bugs got on me. Getting a horrible crawly sensation."

* * *

"Why didn't you use ninjutsu or genjutsu?" asked 'Sakura' as the boy went down finally. "Hmph. Deal's a deal though."

A counter to the poison was applied, and the girl would survive. Though this had been amusing, it was ultimately a waste of time. These three were out of the exam. The ugly boy had shown some skill in taijutsu, and the girl had decent aim. Hmmm. Might have to mark them for experimental subjects later. Add a couple of extra arms to the girl, maybe some spider limbs? The ugly boy with the thick eyebrows reminded him of a talentless fool he'd met years ago, but actually might manage to be decent if he supplemented that taijutsu with ninjutsu.

Now, where could Sasuke possibly be? Eh? They were still here?

"At last," said Gaara, sand swirling around him in a circle. "The Pink Hannya."

"Where's the rest of your team?" asked Temari.

"Oh, I left those two behind," said 'Sakura' with a bright smile. "After all, for what I want to do with you - they'd merely be in the way."

"My kami, she's flirting with Gaara?!" asked Temari. This was certainly atypical of interaction with Gaara. Running and screaming was MUCH more common.

The pink-haired girl paused in walking away from what looked like a team she'd just beaten into the ground, before smiling. _So, the Pink Hannya has sensed the power of the Ichibi in Gaara and finds that power attractive? I may indeed have to recruit the child._ "Of course. My, what powerful chakra you have. So... thick and powerful."

"Ga-wha?" managed Kankuro.

"Oh?" asked Gaara. "Does that mean you will validate my existence?"

"I can validate your existence in ways you never dreamed," said the false Sakura, being completely honest in that.

Gaara's sand stopped swirling as he cocked his head. "So... you are referring to this ritual known as a 'date' then?"

"Oh yes, Gaara-dear," said the fake Sakura, improvising and running with it. "After the Exam though. Wouldn't do at all to disrupt this just so that we can... indulge our inner natures."

"Ah," said Gaara. _So she knows about Shukaku and this 'date' thing involves mass slaughter? Most interesting._

Temari considered getting between the two of them. Of protecting her little brother from this underage Konoha seductress. Only the possibility of her dying in a painful fashion kept her from doing something along those lines.

"So," continued Gaara. "After the completion of this test?"

"The third part of the Chunin Exams is always one-on-one battles, except for the time in Cloud where it was a team battle," said false-Sakura. "It will have a month or so preparation time between this second test and that test. We could... get together then perhaps?"

"HEY," protested Temari. "Gaara's only thirteen!"

"Oh? Gaara-dear, I believe your sister is jealous," said false-Sakura. "Are you a bro-con then, child?"

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING A CHILD?!" demanded Temari.

"Besides, she's not a bro-con," said Kankuro. "Tsundere maybe."

"That's right... WHAT?!" demanded Temari.

* * *

"Well, later, Gaara-kun," cooed Sakura, blowing a kiss towards the Suna jinchuriki and using Underground Movement to duck underground and then move away. It was an obvious weakness of the Sand-based techniques that penetrating the thicker soil here in Konoha would be difficult.

And it would be so much more entertaining in the long run if the Suna genin were kept a bit off balance. They were just disposable pawns in the long run anyway.

After coming a sufficient distance, the mud clone dispersed itself. No reason to go all the way back after all.

* * *

"All right! First to the Tower! Team 8 rocks!" declared Kiba.

"Not," said Shino.

"What do you mean?" Kiba stopped, sniffed a couple of times, and then his expression fell.

"Naruto-kun!" said Hinata.

"Ta-DA! First to - oh hell."

"Ino," said Kiba as a greeting.

"Dog-breath," responded Ino. "You guys must have gotten lucky."

"Nah, just natural talent," said Kiba. "Hey, Ino. You used to be Sakura's friend. Is it true she went nutsoid or something?"

* * *

Naruto held his fist out, ring pointed forward.

Sasuke walked around the projected image of the tower, looking things over with a thoughtful expression.

Sakura gestured. "These pulsing dots are people?"

"Ino, Choji, Shikamaru, Kiba, Akamaru, Hinata, and Shino are there," indicated Naruto, pointing with his other hand. "We're here. There's four unidentified over there. Proctors maybe."

"Near the top of the tower so that makes sense," said Sakura. "What's this stuff to the side?"

"Galactic script," said Naruto. "Warning. That happened in the first test too. Shino apparently uses little bugs to scout things out. He sent a lot out just now."

"Bugs? Ick," reacted Sakura. "What's this area here?"

"Food storage," said Naruto.

"Oh. This?" asked Sakura.

"Some sort of meeting room. What exactly are you looking for?" asked Naruto.

"That place there, fifth floor. It's the only other open place big enough," said Sakura. "What do you think, Sasuke-kun?"

"One on one?" asked Sasuke.

"Yeah, that was my take," said Sakura. "Probably after the week is out. If there are too many passing the second test."

"The third test?" asked Naruto. "Yeah. I guess that makes sense. So we might end up fighting each other?"

"Cancel out any remaining clones," suggested Sasuke. "How much can your ring tell us about the other ninjas we're likely to face?"

"Obvious stuff, like what kind of weapons they've got. Up close some details like how much chakra they got." Naruto cocked his head as he apparently listened to details. "Oh. That's odd."

* * *

"How many teams have been eliminated so far?" asked Anko.

"Including the team with their faces melted off that never made it into the forest?"

"Yeah, including... what?"

"Didn't you hear? They were trying to reach you over the radio earlier."

"Where?! Where are the bodies?!"

* * *

Shino watched Hinata go up the stairs.

"She's acting different," said Kiba.

"Indeed," said Shino.

"Any idea why?" asked Kiba.

"Arf aruuf," suggested Akamaru.

"No, I don't think it's a seasonal thing," responded Kiba.

"There is an odd taste to her chakra," noted Shino.

"What do you think that actually means?" asked Kiba.

"That there was a change to her chakra and that it took place shortly before the start of the Exam," said Shino, getting much wordier than normal.

"Weird," said Kiba, apparently not noticing.

* * *

"He's out there somewhere. Damn him. What's the totals on the genin?"

"153 to start with. 78 passed the first test. End of the first day we've got 12 that are already in the tower. I think that's a record. 33 defeated - and of that group only 8 deaths."

Anko considered that before spitting off to the side. "Eight deaths on the first day of a full week. 11 of 26 teams eliminated."

Anko was silent for a few moments, thinking.

"Tentatively, based on traces left behind, we're thinking he disguised himself as a genin nicknamed the 'Pink Hannya' and attacked seven different teams. The actual genin doesn't have the chakra reserves to manage a single shadow clone while her team-mate who relies on shadow clones doesn't have the skills displayed by the duplicates."

Anko scowled. "What is he after? One of the genin? To disrupt the exams? No, that's too small and petty. Orochimaru doesn't do small and if he was just trying to disrupt the exams there are better ways to do that."

"Doesn't he experiment with bloodlines?" asked the chunin. "Maybe someone has a bloodline he wants to get samples of."

"Eh?" asked Anko, actually looking at the chunin this time. Old enough to have been around when Orochimaru had fled the village. "That might actually be it."

The chunin looked surprised at her agreement, then went back to thoughtful. "So. There's two Hyuga, one Uchiha, an Uzumaki, an Inuzuka, and an Akimichi/Nara/Yamanaka trio in the Konoha group. Not likely to be the last four because there are enough around to simply grab one when they're off on a C-Rank."

"Even though those would likely be chunin or jonin rank, yeah - go on," prompted Anko. "Though maybe it's someone from outside the village."

"Huh," said the chunin, looking over his notes again. "One Hyuga in the hospital and out of the exam. The rest are in the tower already. We won't necessarily know if any of the rest have a bloodline because genin don't usually make it into the bingo books."

"Check further into it," ordered Anko. "If they do have a bloodline, they might have made it into there - also check the edition prior to the current one. Some of the genin are a bit older than our group."

"Right," said the chunin.

"I'll get more security for the tower," said Anko. "If he's after one of those IN the tower I want to know if a flea on his hairy buttocks sneezes."

The chunin glanced at her, frowned, and prepared to ask a question.

"No, I have no idea if he has hairy buttocks or fleas. Now get moving!"

To Be Continued


	8. Terra Team

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i was playing around with "pairings you don't see" and came up with this.

 

 

 

**Another Fistful Of Omake**

by Greylle

DISCLAIMER: Original series belong to someone else.  
NOTE: The following is just an idea that came to me and started developing. Someone suggested i just go ahead and jump the canon rails.

Omake 21: Naruto  & Team Awesome  
this was several different threads worked out over at the Anime Addventure, but the idea was such that they could easily have been combined together.

* * *

"So," said the talking cat. "You wish you had more friends?"

"Yeah!" said the six-year-old. As the cat had just pointed out - there were talking birds and the Inuzuka had some dogs which could talk. Why not a cat? "And I wish I could do something so awesome that people would have to pay attention to me! Believe it!"

"Okay," said the cat, her tail whip-cracking out and the yellow crescent moon design on her forehead seeming to glow.

"What was that?" asked the little boy.

"Dramatic Effect No Jutsu," the cat informed the boy solemnly.

"Can I learn that?" asked Naruto eagerly.

"Sorry, this is just a random dream sequence," said the cat, who promptly disappeared.

Naruto sat up in his bed, then scratched his head, quickly forgetting about the weird dream. Especially as he'd just had this PERFECT idea.

* * *

The little boy snuck into the area that he clearly wasn't supposed to get into.

He'd been chased away before, but it was clearly an important area and the security was meant to keep big people out.

He WOULD become Hokage some day! He WOULD be acknowledged! People would HAVE to give him some respect then!

In the meantime he could figure out what was so important here. Why did they have this area set aside like this? Why were boxes and such brought out of this big building but nothing like that was brought in? Why did they leave this air vent open when it was just the perfect size for him to wiggle through?

The little boy stopped and watched from his position behind a set of bars, as a bunch of people did some elaborate something-or-other and caused objects to appear out of nowhere!

When he saw books being studied, and scrolls, and diagrams, he just HAD to learn more!

* * *

_three years later:_  
"Okay, Naruto, this is your chance to tell your part of the story," said the Hokage to the little boy of ten.

"Uhm, well, I been reading a lot," said the fidgeting little boy.

"Yes," prompted the Hokage.

"I don't do so good at the Academy, but I been studying lots away from it," said the little boy with a shrug. "Mostly fuuinjutsu but I been learning other stuff."

"It has come to my attention," said the Hokage.

"So it all just kinda clicked the other day," said Naruto with another shrug.

"Which somehow involved in hundreds of gallons of chicken broth flooding your apartment building," prompted the Hokage.

"I was just trying a ramen-summoning fuuinjutsu," said Naruto. "It didn't work right."

"Then there was the noodle monster," said the Hokage. "That fought off three ANBU."

"Also trying to summon ramen," protested Naruto. "I was closer!"

"Fortunately it tried to escape into the Inuzuka compound was promptly dealt with," said the Hokage thoughtfully.

"Kuromaru thanked me for the meal," pointed out Naruto. "Said it tasted like chicken."

"Then the next day you managed to summon giant pigs," said the Hokage.

"I was trying for tonkatsu ramen," mumbled Naruto.

"Fortunately, the Inuzuka clan dogs seems to be stationing members outside your apartment lately," stated the Hokage.

* * *

"Urp!" said Kuromaru.

"Putting on a little weight, aren't you?" asked Tsume.

"Kid may be a screwup, but he manages to put out a good spread," said Kuromaru.

There were various yaps and yowls of agreement from several other of the ninja dogs. Also a rather large belch.

* * *

"The day after the giant pigs, you ended up with miso ramen."

"I was very close that time," protested Naruto.

"What were you going to do with thousands of gallons of miso ramen? Swim in it?" asked the Hokage.

"Ooooooo," said Naruto, apparently not having thought of that but now really liking the idea.

"It would go bad before you could eat it all," pointed out the Hokage.

"Well..." Naruto let it trail off.

"I'm going to designate an area for your fuuinjutsu experiments," said the Hokage after a few more moments of contemplation. "There will be members of the Inuzuka clan present in case there are any more problems of this nature."

"Really?!" asked Naruto eagerly. He had thought that he'd be forbidden from his experiments.

As the boy was led out by one of the chunin, an ANBU glanced back at the Hokage.

"Could  you summon hundreds of gallons of miso ramen?" asked the Hokage.

"Why would I try?" asked the ANBU.

"Naruto apparently has a talent for fuuinjutsu, much like his mother and father," said the Hokage aloud. He didn't NEED to explain to the ANBU, but doing so might smooth potential problems along the way. "And if he gets it right, imagine being able to summon a hot meal while out on patrol."

"Hmmm," hmmmed the ANBU before vanishing in a swirl of leaves.

* * *

_Age nine:_  
"Let's see," said Naruto to himself as he inspected the array. "All right. This should work. Ramen Summoning No Jutsu!"

_PA-DOMF!_

"AAAA! RUN AWAY!" screamed the little boy as he fled.

* * *

Kuromaru's ears flipped up and he raised his head, the one-eyed dog going alert in an instant.

"AAAAAAAAAAA!" yelled the little boy as he ran out the door, followed a moment later by...

"Those are some BIG cows," said Choza Akimichi.

"They're just slightly larger than usual," argued Kuromaru.

"Barbeque!" replied Choza.

One of the dogs not able to speak yet growled something about the Akimichi getting involved when the Inuzuka clan already had this situation handled.

"Enough of that," answered Kuromaru. "They're big enough to do some damage. Bring them down before they do."

* * *

The Akimichi had been joined by some ANBU. The Inuzuka hounds had been accompanied by their human partners after the fight actually began in earnest.

It was after the fight that things had gotten... weird.

Hiruzen Sarutobi moved through the area, which had gotten churned up and a few buildings collapsed in the unused section of Uchiha property. The mood was not, however, somber.

No, this was a party. There were no bones about it, metaphorically at least. There was in reality a big pile of bones over there to the side.

"They'll grind those up later for use in medicines, and to fertilize the ground," said the ANBU whose mask resembled something out of a Kabuki play. "Those that the Inuzuka hounds haven't grabbed for chewing on later, that is."

Hiruzen nodded as reply to the comment.

Long tables had been set up. with piles of steaming beef, with the barbeques going off and roasting the sections of meat that had been obtained.

Choza looked up as he slathered a reddish sauce onto a slab of meat grilling away. "Oi. Hokage-sama! Saved you some."

"Oh, well, I suppose I should check this out," admitted the Hokage. And here he was so anxious to get back to the paperwork on his desk. "Are those... carrots?"

"He got all the ingredients for the ramen he was trying for," said Choza. "It's just that he ended up with more of them and they're all big. The cows were only slightly bigger, but he also got carrots the length of my arm. Onions and such too."

"How is Naruto anyway?" asked Hiruzen.

"Apparently it took a lot out of him," said Choza, jerking a thumb in a particular direction.

Hiruzen smirked at the sight. If any of the attending civilians would have been hostile to the boy, they certainly wouldn't disturb him from where he was. Sleeping while flanked by two of the larger Inuzuka hounds who were busy splintering bones to get at the marrow.

"They didn't care for his scent that much to begin with," said Choza, "but the past few days they've kind of warmed to him."

One of the hounds looked up, ears flicking as it carefully considered that. "Friendly little pup. Not as bad as he sometimes smells."

"Oh? You'll protect him then?" asked Hiruzen.

"I don't have any other particular duties," said Kiiromaru. "I'm not the fastest of the pack, and my human partner died a few years back."

"Oh? Died in battle?" asked Hiruzen, not immediately recognizing the dog despite the butter-yellow coloration.

"Knifed in a bar fight by an exotic dancer," said Kiiromaru. "Right after passing the chunin exams."

"Oh, that one," said the Hokage, remembering it now.

"I'm going to have to do a few extra patrols to work this off," said Kiiromaru, eyeing the bone. His ears flicked a few times. "Eh. It's worth it."

* * *

_two years later:_

The Hokage looked from the beaming boy to the scroll and back. "This does what again?"

The eleven year old boy, rocked back and forth on his feet, clearly proud of his accomplishment. "It's the Girlfriend Summoning Contract."

The Hokage looked over the two nin-dogs and various ANBU. Finally Kiiromaru nodded.

"A girlfriend summoning contract?" asked the Hokage.

Kiiromaru cleared his throat, which probably only sounded like he was muttering about 'apes whose season lasted all year' and explained. "The kid's been asking out some girl in his class. She's rejected him. This has been going on for awhile. Why you can't just go ahead and sniff butts, and if the female ain't interested - just move on."

"Amen pack-brother," said Kuromaru.

Kiiromaru nodded to Kuromaru before continuing. "Anyway, pup finally got an idea to move on. We waited for pale-eyes. Gave her several openings."

"She fainted," said Kuromaru, looking down and shaking his head.

"Humans," said Kiiromaru.

"I hear ya," said Kuromaru.

"Ahem," prompted the Hokage.

"Anyway, the pup decided to try SUMMONING a friend," said Kiiromaru. "He'd heard about summoning contracts, been working with those. Got some books and scrolls on some of the advanced stuff. He's actually getting ramen when he tries for it now. He decided to try this."

"So, you sign this contract, and you summon a girlfriend?" asked the Hokage, eyeing the scroll now as something that would end up in the kinjutsu cabinet simply because so many people would be after it.

"That's right!" said Naruto enthusiastically.

"I honestly don't think this will work quite like you think it will," said Kiiromaru.

The Hokage wondered if he should sign, and if so what exactly would be the result?

* * *

The Hokage held up a hand in a signal to the ANBU that they should stop there, and spread out in a circular pattern. Then walked a little further to where Naruto was inspecting the large fuuinjutsu.

"Kiiromaru told us you were ready. Are you really going to try this, Naruto?" asked the Hokage after a few moments.

The yellowish Inuzuka hound, Kiiromaru, yawned briefly before replying. "He's tired of being ignored by most of the kids his age. He got a crush on that pink-haired banshee..."

"Her name's Sakura," stated Naruto.

"...who turned him down, by hitting him in the head again," said Kiiromaru. "She's one of the pack sniffing around that Uchiha boy."

"Ah," said the Hokage.

"So the boy got this idea of using a summoning scroll to find a friend," said Kiiromaru.

"Summoning doesn't work like that," said the Hokage.

"I'm starting," said Naruto, putting a few drops of blood on a particular sigil, then settling down into a meditative half-lotus position and brought his hands up into an Ox seal.

Fire shifted from one color to another as it raced down the lines of ink Naruto had covered the room in.

The Hokage cocked his head as faint music played. He noted the ANBU coming into guard positions and the way Kiiromaru sniffed the air and his ears flicked.

The Hokage listened and thought the tune sounded sad or wistful somehow.

Words joined the melody.

> "Crossing the distant night,  
> Wandering the desert sea,  
> The gods' voices are mirages,  
> The forgotten people."

The Hokage's eyes flicked at the purple-pink shifting pinprick of light that had formed at the center of the seal but a good six feet up. An eyebrow raised as something WAS apparently being summoned.

> "Shadows flicker palely, then stand  
> For one moment, an illusion.  
> A hero's dream, burning blue.  
> The people, sleeping forever.  
> Crossing that distant night."

The Hokage considered the pinprick which was now about the size of Kiiromaru's head. Still no sense of menace, only... sadness.

> "There's no memory,  
> of my life.  
> I don't even know,  
> how to love.  
> In the boundless world,  
> what's the reason,  
> why am I, am I alive?"

The voice, the Hokage realized, it contained sadness, wistfulness, longing. All reaching out and touching the gathering crowd. An eyeflick confirmed, several more ANBU, and several more chunin had gathered around the open workshop to gawk at what Naruto was doing now.

> "You say humans have,  
> their emotions.  
> You know I could be,  
> apparatus.  
> World is black and white.  
> Tell the reason, why am I  
> I'm alive.
> 
> How come my power is  
>  not the same as others?"

The pink/purple shifting was now predominantly pink and had formed a human silhouette.

> "Where should I go?  
> I still wonder why,  
> I'm alive."

The pink glow faded, and a girl hit the floor of the workshop.

* * *

"Hokage-sama," said the medic a day later. "The girl's condition has stabilized."

"Why is she still unconscious then?" asked the Hokage, inclining his head towards the bed.

"She had extensive injuries, sword wounds from the look of them," said the medic. "Also, she isn't quite human."

"I'll admit that green hair is a little unusual," admitted the Hokage.

"Inoichi Yamanaka probed her," said the medic, checking his clipboard. "She doesn't remember a lot of her life, whatever blanked those sections of memory did a thorough job. Even Inoichi couldn't get any details. Her name is Terra Branford, and while she looks to be Naruto's age - she's older. There were images apparently of her being in her late thirties and dying from something that affected her chakra."

"When Naruto summoned her, it was as a friend his age," mused the Hokage.

"She was ambushed by someone she couldn't quite see, the sword wounds were done and the opponent fled, but between the injuries and the lack of chakra - she was dying and knew it. At which point she apparently felt the summons and decided to respond," said the medic.

"So, it was her choice to respond to the summons," said the Hokage, nodding slightly. If it was voluntary that eased a few concerns he had about the situation.

* * *

Ibiki Morino was tough and skilled at his job. What his job entailed was something most of the nicer people didn't even want to think about. However, it was necessary. This was a world in which very not-nice people would have no difficulty in hiding their real intentions until they were ready to strike and kill a target or even multiple targets. In fact, there were a LOT of people like that. Most of the populations of most ninja villages if it came down to it.

His job involved finding out the truth.

So when he showed up at the Hokage's office, took out the hidden flask inside the statue of the eagle, and poured them both a drink, the Hokage knew that there were aspects of this situation that were going to be troublesome.

After knocking back the shot of liquor, Ibiki considered the view of the village briefly. "Okay. Terra Branford."

The Hokage made a gesture to continue.

"Examination by Yamanaka techniques reveal substantial gaps in her memory, however some details became unearthed at further probing prior to her regaining consciousness," said Ibiki. "For one thing, though she's now twelve, she was in her thirties when she died."

The Hokage raised an eyebrow at that.

"Yes, exactly," said Ibiki. "By the way, she suffers from coulrophobia."

"Eh?" asked the Hokage.

"Fear of clowns," said Ibiki. "Though her reaction to fear appears to trigger an instinctive fire-jutsu targetting the object of that fear."

"I see, continue," indicated the Hokage.

"She also has an innate healing jutsu," said Ibiki. "Whatever the process Naruto underwent to summon her, it was apparent that she was dying and that she was sealed from using any chakra. In fact, from a comment made - something occurred which caused all chakra use across her entire world to be sealed."

"Is that even possible?" asked the Hokage.

"Apparently it was - in her original world," said Ibiki. "Inoichi Yamanaka was able to piece things together with other members of the Interrogation team, and all agreed on those details. There were images of people she had known too, but there was less detail available there. Our best guess right now is that her death was traumatic enough, combined with Naruto's summoning, that a lot of memories were simply lost. Most likely forever."

"Hence the sword wounds when she appeared," said the Hokage. "So your assessment?"

"She could very well be an asset to our village," said Ibiki Morino. "She has some skill in kenjutsu, fire and medical jutsu, and she's friendly enough."

"Very well, the Academy has the genin test in five months," said the Hokage. "Let's settle her in there and see how well she does. Meanwhile, Naruto is ready to try out that summoning to see if he gets the same results."

Ibiki made a vaguely interested noise.

* * *

_five days later:_  
"So what do you think?" asked the Hokage after Jiraiya had been sent for. Twice. And then practically had to be physically coerced from further study of the scroll-key and the arrays inscribed on the floor and walls of the workshop.

"I went over it," said Jiraiya. "It's... complicated. There are parts of it that I'm not sure of, but the parts I've been able to puzzle out are basically filters."

"'Filters'?" asked the Hokage.

"He has a summoning contract, but it's NOT what you would normally expect," said Jiraiya. "A typical Summoning Contract such as I have with the toads allows for you to be summoned or for you to summon them. It's with a very specific group such as the toads of Mount Myoboku. This isn't - which is where the filters kick in."

"So how much of a problem is this?" asked the Hokage. "Right now I've got twenty-four women and children who claim to be refugees from some war."

"I'd say lock it up as a kinjutsu," said Jiraiya. "Bring it out every couple of years for further experimentation. I also went over the records of their interviews. Civilians and noncombatants. All fleeing a war zone, having been sighted by the enemy, surrounded, and seconds away from being literally ripped apart. Which pretty much corresponds to the filters."

"So what are these filters?" asked the Hokage, leaning back and considering the Toad Sage.

"The first is that they need a friend," said Jiraiya. "Or, if not technically a 'friend' - rescue. The second is that they have to be willing to put aside their previous lives and actually come here. The third is a compatibility thing - they have to be capable of being friends with Naruto and accepting him. If any of those filters are not met - they don't get summoned. If all three conditions ARE met - then the summons will pull them across space and time and dimensional boundaries and they end up here."

"So that explains why they all want to settle in the Land Of Fire," said the Hokage. "I see."

"All their stories mesh together on the major points," continued Jiraiya. "Surrounded by the enemy which had killed most of their defenders, facing certain death, and so on. Ibiki has had to abandon some of his more strongarm tactics because of the emotional fragility of many survivors."

"I see," said the Hokage. "Well, it doesn't sound too bad, and we can stop it right here. All we have to do is tell Naruto not to summon any further groups of refugees."

"That still leaves you a group of twenty-four women and children," pointed out Jiraiya. "Not that it matters, but this will also upset Naruto. He has created a 'Rescue Girls' jutsu, which really IS something to take some pride in."

"Yes," said the Hokage. The simplest solution, the one Homura had advised him on, was to simply kill all of them. He wasn't particularly fond of that plan, especially as the group had been quite cooperative and enthusiastic about no longer being seconds from certain death.

Really, it was hard to fault them for that.

* * *

"-and though it's a bit late in the year, we have a new student," said Iruka Umino, squinting at the paper and then slowly pronouncing/mangling the name. "Tina Baradaforudu."

"Terra Branford," corrected the girl, who then bowed in introduction.

Kiba wolf-whistled. Petite, slender, with long hair gathered loosely behind her. Red boots, tight red tunic with some flower-print, white leggings, and an exotic pretty face. "Yeah baby!"

Ino reached over and smacked Kiba.

"Nothing else?" asked Iruka.

"According to tests, I'm a medical jutsu specialist," said Terra as her eyes swept the room. When she spotted Naruto she brightened and smiled.

Kiba wolf-whistled again. Sakura smacked him this time.

* * *

They had been a peaceful fishing village. When the attack had come, there hadn't been much they could do about it.

The warriors had gathered and fought, trying to buy the rest of them time to get away. Those fleeing had been the noncombatants, primarily the youngest.

They were all female, all had cat ears and tails. They were known as the Miqo'te. (Though there were different accents and dialects apparently.)

"Nyan! Welcome to Ichiraku's!" declared one as she greeted customers.

Naruto blinked at the Miqo'te his age. "Uhm."

"Ah, Naruto," said Teuchi. "You met our new hire."

"Nyan! Welcome to Ichiraku's!" declared the young catgirl as two more of her race stepped up.

"Chilled fish ramen," said one, pulling her gloves off.

"Nyan!" said the young greeter. "Fish is very fresh today!"

"Oh? In that case I'll have the same," said the other Miqo'te.

"'New hire'?" asked Naruto.

Teuchi nodded as Ayame went to work on the ramen. "Lisa here runs deliveries."

"Nyan!" agreed Lisa cheerfully.

"Oh, well, good," said Naruto. "I'm glad to see they're making friends."

"That they are," said Teuchi. "If they'd just been refugees from some war - well we get those every so often anyway. These though - they're friendly, attractive, and have skills they can market."

"Flattery will get you a bigger tip," said one of the Miqo'te customers with an appropriate cat-smile.

"Well, look at you, Rin," said Teuchi. "You're a top class weaponsmith."

The catgirl inclined her head but then her ramen was put in front of her and she gave her attention to that.

"I just wish I could save more..." said Naruto sadly.

Teuchi shook his head. "I know how you feel, but the Hokage's right. Trying to save people is all well and good - but there's no room or resources for too many people. Look at your first effort - you got twenty four of the Miqo'te here. If you'd gotten much more, we would have had to turn some away just because taking in that many people at once was a strain."

"Still..." grumped Naruto.

"If it's any consolation," said Teuchi as he took in the way Naruto was slumping on his stool, "there's talk about you making a third attempt to see if you end up with the same results. After all, your first attempt just got one."

"Without the seal-array, I can't do it again," complained Naruto. "That particular summon requires the scroll it's written on to be present. It acts as the key and control for the rest of it. That's been locked away."

"Well, it's getting close to the genin test anyway," said Teuchi. "You'll be needing to concentrate on that."

"It's four months away," complained Naruto.

"That's my point," pointed out Teuchi, who then nodded at someone else approaching.

* * *

Things had been reset to canon, then bent out of shape.

Since he'd been six years old, Naruto had been fascinated by fuuinjutsu. Since he'd been nine, he'd been working with various summoning scrolls. He'd also been trying to summon ramen, and had actually made a few friends through the misfires of that research.

Kiiromaru, a large middle-aged yellow-ish furred Inuzuka hound who looked similar to Kuromaru was one of those friends. Which led to the entire Inuzuka clan treating him a bit more friendly than they otherwise would have. Kiiromaru, after all, was a veteran hound who'd gotten into quite a few scrapes. He wasn't a major combatant, and got around much more slowly and with more aches and pains than when he was younger - but he was a member of the clan and respected.

The Akimichi clan had begun showing up for the summoning experiments as well. A Summon Food jutsu was seen as both something their restaurants would have to compete against (which was bad) and a way of getting emergency supplies when absolutely needed (which was good.)

Naruto wasn't seen as a complete failure. Just a general failure, sort of an idiot savant. Fuuinjutsu - genius. Possibly beyond genius. Just about anything else? The public at large saw a loudmouth boy whose ninja skills were below-par.

The bell rang. People went into class.

Naruto stopped scribbling on a piece of paper as Iruka entered, mostly because Terra had tapped him on the leg with her foot to indicate he needed to pay attention.

* * *

Four months from now was the genin test. She had to make her move soon.

Hinata watched and envied the girl sitting next to Naruto.

She envied the girl whose hair seemed to shift coloration with the lighting. Blonde now in the sunlight, she could and did associate freely with Naruto. Hinata could imagine her in the other girl's place.

Terra seemed to have no trouble talking to Naruto. She ignored the hostility that you could feel in the stares of others.

If only...

* * *

"There goes that damn fox-brat," said one of the mothers, glaring at the boy's back.

"No he's not," said one of the other mothers.

"Ikuko?! How can you say that? We all know the truth!" asked the first mother as the rest of the group looked at other member who'd spoken.

Ikuko sighed. "Okay, look at the facts. The Hokage's been saying something different for years. That the boy is the prison of That Thing, not the Thing."

"Well, yeah, but you know what everyone else says," said the first speaker.

"Second, fuuinjutsu," said Ikuko. "It's an art. Not something everyone can manage, and it sure isn't a brute-force thing. The Fourth was a fuuinjutsu master."

"Yes, but..."

"Third, and this is the one that got me thinking - the kid invented a 'save girls' jutsu," said Ikuko. "Can any of us really imagine That Thing inventing a jutsu to save lives?"

The mothers blinked, looked at each other. One opened her mouth, closed it, frowned, and appeared to get thoughtful.

Finally the first one spoke again. "Maybe it's a trick to catch us off guard?"

"So far he's saved one human girl, twenty-four of those cat-girls, and them pointy-eared girls," said Ikuko. "One of them cat-girls, they call themselves mi'qote by the way, came into my shop. Got to talking."

"Which one?" asked one of the other mothers.

"Rin, the weaponsmith," said Ikuko. "You've met her, Tea?"

"Not her - Nyanko," said Tea. "The tailor."

"He's saving them in case he's hungry later?" tried the first speaker.

There was brief silence, punctuated by two of those looking very skeptically at the one.

"Okay," said the first speaker, throwing her hands up. "I give. Maybe he's NOT a monster."

* * *

_One month later:_

"-and Sasuke was so cool!" exclaimed Sakura.

"Yup," agreed Ino.

"That's my Sasuke!" said Ami.

"YOUR Sasuke?!" asked every other fangirl present.

Terra shook her head as she walked past the fangirl contingent, the smirking boy they adored, and took a seat next to Naruto.

Naruto glanced back at her, puzzled. "You always have lunch with me."

"Right," said Terra.

"You never pay attention to Sasuke," noted Naruto.

"True," agreed Terra.

"I think you're the only girl who's not a Sasuke-fan," said Naruto, wanting to confirm that she wasn't such.

"There's more than just myself," said Terra, picking at her food.

"There is?" asked Naruto.

"Isn't that right, Hinata?" asked Terra.

"Eep!" went a tree.

"Hinata?" asked Naruto.

"Hinata, if you don't come out from behind that tree, I'm going to come drag you out," said Terra firmly, putting her lunch to the side.

"Ah-ano, I mean," said the tree.

Naruto in the meantime had gotten up, snuck around the tree, and was now directly behind the girl in question. "What are you doing back here Hinata?"

"EEK!" said the girl in question, leaping and twisting around and... falling to the ground.

Naruto looked down at the girl on the ground. "I just don't understand girls."

"Troublesome," said Shikamaru from nearby, summing it all up in his usual fashion.

"Nurse's office," said Terra, grabbing one of Hinata's arms. "Naruto, take her other arm."

* * *

There was a clock ticking. The smell of disinfectant. The feel of slightly rough sheets. All of these sensations penetrated and had been catalogued before her eyes began to flicker.

_Where?_

Her eyes finally opened and she looked around the room. _The infirmary at the Academy?_

"Finally awake?"

Eyes snapped to the side, confirming what her ears had already told her. _Terra?_

"You really need to get over that," said Terra.

"I..." Hinata said.

"Naruto's in class," said Terra, sitting back in her chair. "I thought we needed to talk."

"T-t-talk? About what?" asked Hinata, sitting up and fidgeting.

Terra studied the ceiling for a few seconds before answering. "I know what it's like to be unsure. To be constantly second-guessing yourself."

Hinata stared at the girl. How could she, as pretty and exotic as she was, understand that?

Terra let out a deep breath. "When I was two years old, a raiding party from the Gestahl Empire kidnapped me from my homeland. For over a decade, I was a slave-soldier. A weapon directed against the enemies of the Empire."

Hinata shrank back, staring at the girl. This being one of her own nightmares due to Cloud trying to kidnap her for her eyes and the Byakugan.

"I grew up with no friends, no family, no life beyond that of a soldier," said Terra, her eyes unfocussed as she stared at the ceiling. "There were a few moogles, other slaves of the Empire, but I wasn't allowed to associate too much with them. Then at about the age I am now again, I caught the eye of the Emperor himself. He wanted to breed me for my powers."

Hinata's eyes were wide and staring at the other girl by this point.

"They outfitted me with a device called the Slave Crown," said Terra, touching her forehead. "It's a device which suppresses your own will. I was forced to do things..."

Hinata found herself actually shivering at that point, this playing into some of her own private nightmares.

Terra shook her head with a smile. "So, yes, I understand what it is to question yourself. To fear. I was always afraid that I would wake up some day, and find I was wearing that device again and the freedom I'd had would turn out to be a dream. I was freed by someone a bit like Naruto named Locke."

Hinata nodded to show she understood when Terra's eyes met her own.

"Now I'm here," said Terra with a smile that looked a little sad. "Naruto needs friends, you know."

Hinata blinked, not understanding.

"You need to stand on your own feet, face your own fears, grab your own future," said Terra. "Know this though: I'm not giving up easily."

Hinata blinked as she tried to work that out, then colored when it fell into place.

"Just so we understand each other," said Terra as she got up.

* * *

"So, what's up with her?" asked Naruto as Terra sat back down next to him.

"She has some things to work through," said Terra. "Sparring after school?"

"Sounds good," admitted Naruto.

* * *

Naruto blocked, ducked, and jabbed. His movements were straightforward, forceful, and... rather more focused than he usually was in class.

Terra's movements were faster, more precise, more elegant.

Their fighting styles were very different if one looked at them sparring there in the training ground. Naruto was direct for all that he was very adaptive and prone to switching moves and varying things out. Terra's moves were more circular, more fluid, and when she shifted from defense to attack and back it was almost as if she was dancing.

Naruto was stronger and heavier. Terra was slender and quick and precise.

Hinata knew all this because she'd been watching from the bushes for the past fifteen minutes.

A timer rang its bell and the two disengaged, stepped back, and bowed - meeting each other's eyes.

Naruto toweled sweat off as he went and grabbed a wooden katana, or bokuto, off the ground. Next to him, Terra did the same with a wooden version of a more Western-style blade.

Hinata's eyes widened as she saw that there was a third blade sitting there.

As Hinata watched, they ran some black material along the edges and tip of their sword before going back to ready positions.

Terra held her hand up and glanced over at some bushes. "Hinata? How long have you been there?"

"Eep!"

Slowly Hinata made her way out, looking in all directions but at the young boy.

"Oy, just a sec," said Naruto, stripping his shirt off in an easy motion and tossing it to the side. "Okay."

"Ack!" said Hinata, eyes wide and staring.

"Hinata!" said Terra in a scolding voice.

"G-g-gomen," managed Hinata, clutching her nose as if she expected a nosebleed.

"Naruto, why did you take your shirt off?" asked Terra, sounding more amused now.

"Cause that tar gets really hard to get out of the clothes," complained Naruto.

Terra considered Naruto for a few minutes, then got a grin on her face that caused Naruto to take a step back.

Actually, this had just caused a memory to surface where she and Celes had done this to Locke at one point. She still couldn't remember much of her life, it was mostly dim and faded, and those almost like still photographs in a darkened gallery, but she remembered THIS. "Hinata!"

"Eep, y-yes?" asked Hinata, made nervous by the note of command in Terra's voice.

"It sounds like Naruto needs help shopping for clothes," said Terra. "I think we should do something about this as Naruto's friends, don't you?"

"I- I- I'm a f-friend?" asked Hinata, her gaze snapping over to Naruto.

Naruto just KNEW something was going on. Something dangerous and dark and probably hurty. He couldn't see what though. "Uhm. Yeah."

"Hinata's a friend of yours, and I'm your friend, right Naruto?" asked Terra.

"I guess," said Naruto, glancing at Hinata. Whose face had turned red and was staring (again) and shaking. "Sure."

_Naruto... considers me a friend?!_ echoed in Hinata's head as a smile formed. It was unsure, twitching a little, but it WAS there.

"So Hinata? Shall we cut short today's practice to shop for Naruto's new clothes?" asked Terra.

"H-hai," managed Hinata, nodding.

"But..." argued Naruto.

"You want to be Hokage someday, gotta look the part," said Terra.

"H-hai," agreed Hinata, considering what Naruto would look like in this or that. Oh, and maybe if he wore something that would bring out his eyes!

"I don't really have a lot of money...." tried Naruto, the feeling of doomy doom doom increasing.

* * *

"Uhm," said Naruto, flailing around mentally. He needed something, anything, a distraction. Ah! That might work! "I've been working on this summoning scroll idea..."

"I think we should start with that little shop by the Takoyaki stand," said Terra.

"I think I can get the basics worked out," tried Naruto. "Do you want to see?"

"Hai," said Hinata to Terra, nodding.

"Really, I think I worked out a way to get something interesting. Maybe even more interesting than ramen," tried Naruto.

"Of course, we can't forget shoes," said Terra.

"So, maybe I should just go get those scrolls," said Naruto, getting up.

_Grab!_ Terra had ahold of his right arm. "Let's go!"

Hinata blushed, fidgeted, and finally pinched Naruto's left sleeve.

"I don't suppose this is negotiable?" asked Naruto, trying to think of some escape manuever he could use.

* * *

_Oh, this would bring out the blue in Naruto's eyes,_ thought Hinata, comparing the shirt to the fidgeting blonde. _But this other one would go so well with his complexion..._

Hinata flushed and fidgeted, imagining what Naruto would look like in such clothing.

"I'm sorry but we're closed," said the manager.

"Your sign says you're open for three hours yet," said Terra.

"We have nothing in his size," tried the manager.

"Sure you do," said Terra.

Hinata fidgeted as she could see the disapproval and hostility in the manager's body language.

"You could come back some other time when we've got a better selection," tried the manager.

"Oh, what you've got right here is fine," said Terra.

"That outfit isn't for sale, it's been reserved," said the manager.

"You know," said Terra, putting the cloth down slowly. "You're deliberately snubbing Naruto. I've been in here for a spare outfit for when I'm studying at the hospital. It's not me. I'm pretty sure it's not Hinata. So it has to be Naruto you're trying to get rid of."

"Well, he IS known as a prankster," huffed the manager.

"Not for years," said Terra, preparing to go on about how he'd made friends with two of the major clans of Konoha. The Inuzuka and Akimichi at least were on good terms with him.

"You are being unfair to Naruto-kun," said Hinata unexpectedly. She looked startled for a moment before realizing that she HAD spoken. More, that she was feeling something unfamiliar to her. Anger.

"That boy is not welcome here," said the manager. Those Hyuga eyes staring at him were a LITTLE bit unnerving though.

"Then we should not shop here," said Hinata. "Nor should any of my clan."

The manager looked startled at that, adding the eyes and unmarked forehead and coming to a quick conclusion. "Now there isn't any need to go that far."

"Why are you being so unfair to him, he hasn't done anything that wrong?" asked Hinata.

"Because he's the Ninetailed Demon Fox..." the manager abruptly stopped speaking, eyes going wide and looking into the shadows as if expecting someone to suddenly appear and thrust something sharp and pointy into him.

"I'm what?" asked Naruto.

"Look, nobody's supposed to talk about it, but that's why," said the manager, still nervously looking around. Now though he was much more nervous about something else as opposed to giving any consideration towards the initial target of his hostility. There? Had that shadow moved? "There's a law against speaking about it."

"Oh? Well, then I wonder what would happen if someone knew you had just talked about it," said Terra.

"You wouldn't," said the manager, looking over all three kids. Finally he slumped. "What do you want?"

* * *

"So what do you suppose he meant?" asked Naruto, pulling at his new clothes a little.

"No idea, you don't have a tail or something do you?" asked Terra, checking out Naruto's rear.

"The Kyubi," said Hinata, clearly knowing something but not entirely sure how to say it - or if it was safe to do so. Not that she didn't take a moment to imagine Naruto with a pair of fox ears and a silky-soft fox tail. It wouldn't be very Hyuga to go "squee" over such a thing though so she didn't focus on that very long.

"Naruto's the Kyubi?" asked Terra, her voice very skeptical. "I've heard about that. He's a rampaging hundred-story tall force of destruction? Maybe to a bowl of ramen..."

* * *

"I see," said the Hokage, looking over the three children. "You just overheard this 'somewhere' ?"

"Yes," said Terra. "Someone's talking bad about our friend, we want to get to the bottom of it."

Hinata Hyuga was tapping her fingers together and looking nervous, but nodded.

"So," said Hiruzen Sarutobi. "You want to know the details."

"Hey, Ojiisan, don't I have the right to know - it's about ME, after all," said Naruto.

"I see," said the Hokage. He considered this. Naruto already knew this much, and it might be more troublesome with part of the story at this juncture than the whole story. He was also developing - the reports of his friendship with Terra had reached his ears already and here was the Hyuga heir as well.

Well, maybe.

"I'll have to try and explain to Naruto, if you two will step outside," tried the Hokage.

"We're his closest friends," said Terra.

"Only friends," grumped Naruto briefly.

"We should stick with him," said Terra.

"Branford-san, Hyuga-san, this is an S-Class secret," said the Hokage, not unkindly. Actually that they were sticking up for Naruto to this extent spoke volumes. Terra, as she had been summoned to this world BY Naruto - might feel a connection through that. Hinata Hyuga? Not so much. Though looking as if she wanted to hide in someone's shadow, she WAS sticking close to Naruto. "If Naruto chooses to tell you later, that will be fine. It is, as you point out, his secret to speak of."

* * *

"I wonder what Shadow and Interceptor would have made of this village?" said Terra, letting her feet dangle off the edge of the table and twitching them back and forth.

"Who?" asked Hinata. ANYTHING was better than just sitting here outside the Hokage's office worrying.

"Some heroes I used to associate with, long long ago, in another life," said Terra. "I can only remember flashes and brief images mostly. Shadow was a ninja and Interceptor was his ninja-dog."

"Oh, so he was an Inuzuka," said Hinata, nodding.

"I don't think so, but maybe, sort of." Terra thought back. "There was Locke - the guy who rescued me from the Empire. Celes, who was a general with the Empire except she ended up imprisoned and then rescued by Locke. There was Edgar and Sabin, the two princes. Someone named Gau, I think. Sir Cyan, a knight. Or samurai. I guess. Stragos and Remy. There was also someone furry and someone... who was something else. We fought the Empire. And a clown."

"A clown?" asked Hinata, thoroughly confused.

"Clowns are evil," said Terra quite firmly. "Especially mad scientist clowns who do weird things with their tongues."

"I don't think there are any clowns or mad scientists around here," said Hinata.

* * *

"WACHOO!"  
"WACHOO!"

"That's odd, both of us sneezing like that," said Orochimaru.

"Could it be Sasori?" asked Kabuto. "Sometimes he uses an oil that causes some odd rashes."

"Well, it's not like he can do his own shopping," noted Orochimaru. "Hmmm. So tell me more about this fuuinjutsu genius."

"Other than he's an idiot?" asked Kabuto.

"Yes, actually, some additional detail would be nice," admitted Orochimaru.

* * *

The door slowly creaked open and Naruto stumbled out, looking as if he was in shock.

"What is it? You can tell us, Naruto," said Terra.

Naruto looked at her, or at least in her direction, before telling her. "I'm pregnant. I've got the Kyubi in my belly."

Hinata stiffened and seemed to be considering fainting.

"That is NOT what I said," came the voice of the Hokage from the office.

"...this is the OTHER reason I wanted to be present for the big Reveal," said Terra. "Naruto, you got the details wrong again. Just like in that History exam."

"The Fourth Hokage sealed the Kyubi in you because he was unable to kill it. Unfortunately, he needed a newborn child for that," said the Hokage, still in his office.

"Figures he'd choose his son to be the sacrifice - that fits with what I've read about the Fourth," said Terra.

"What?!" asked Naruto, clearly startled.

"What? That was supposed to be a secret too? With a big carving of him looking out across the village for anyone to look at and say 'hey that looks a bit like Naruto'?" Terra snorted.

"Y-you think so too?" asked Hinata.

Hiruzen Sarutobi was abruptly there and standing next to the children. "You know, in a village where everyone is supposed to look 'underneath' things - I think you're the first to comment on that."

"What? Everyone's blind?" asked Terra. "That's as stupid as... well as mistaking Naruto for what's in him."

Naruto blinked, straightened, and began to smile again.

The Hokage merely smiled. There was nothing in that he'd really disagree with after all.

* * *

Naruto went back to work as soon as he got back to his apartment.

He had friends. Friends who liked him despite this belly-seal-thing. He knew fuuinjutsu, so a seal technique... hmmm. He'd have to study his own belly, that'd be tricky.

So you had to reward friends for sticking with you and celebrating stuff like they would be graduating from the Academy soon, right? Right!

So he had to finish working out these summons and stuff.

It should work after all. He had the filters. He had the energy and directions right.

* * *

"Uhm, Naruto? You're smoking in class."

"I had a little problem with a fuuinjutsu array, Iruka-sensei."

"I see," said Iruka. "Toss the jacket out the window then."

"What kind of fuuinjutsu?" asked Terra.

"You'll see this afternoon," said a smirking Naruto.

* * *

"Like this?" asked Hinata, cutting a finger and then rubbing it across her other hand. When Naruto nodded she put that hand down in the little circle on the scroll that he'd indicated.

Sigils and runes lit up, each block of writing in different colors while the main section of script was red. Then everything flamed BLACK.

"Uhm, was that supposed to happen?" asked Hinata nervously.

"Try it," said Naruto.

Hinata chewed her lip nervously, glancing around. Everyone was watching though. And in this case it WAS everyone.

Naruto had started by trying to get just the three of them to go off to the section of town he'd been given for these experiments.

That hadn't worked as apparently word had gotten around that Naruto had gifted his two friends with something Special.

Kiiromaru cleared his throat. "Try to focus, girl."

"Ignore the crowd," advised the Hokage from where he was watching. "I've removed MOST of those who wanted to observe. I'm sure they'll protest enough later." He sighed and muttered something about more paperwork.

"Right," said Hinata, putting that hand down and using the chakra control she'd trained in since she could walk. "SUMMONING JUTSU!"

* * *

Once upon a time, there had been a village of black mages. Artificial beings with a limited lifespan who were created by a villain for a specific purpose. They died, save for one named Vivi who went on to be the parent to an entire race of magically gifted near-humans who eventually intermarried and simply became a magically adept group of humans.

Except that the village abruptly vanished, along with all the broken bodies of those artificial lifeforms.

In a space/time bubble that was eroding, there came stability. The adept creatures within determined what and why within the six hours prior to one of their number vanishing.

They didn't know why, where, or how - but none of that mattered. They had a second chance after all.

* * *

:

Hinata blinked at the sight of the creature which had just appeared. It was about her height and it was quite odd looking. It looked around at all the various people, then finally looked at her, blinking yellow eyes as it considered her.

When the odd creature seemed a little confused, Hinata glanced at Naruto and Terra, then back to the creature. "H-hi. I'm Hinata. I s-summoned you. Do you - do you want to be friends?"

The odd creature turned its (his? her?) full attention to her, nodded its head rapidly and then gave her a thumb's up.

A little emboldened by this, Hinata bowed slightly and nearly fell over. She quickly realized that the summoning had taken a lot out of her.

"Interesting," said the Hokage. "So what can your summon do? For that matter, what IS your summons?"

The creature listened to the Hokage, then turned back to Hinata, cocking his head in a silent question.

"Uhm, that wall?" suggested Hinata, guessing what the creature was asking.

Fire built up around the creature's hands and formed bolts which slammed repeatedly into the wall.

"Ah, a jutsu-user," noted the Hokage. "Very handy for a Hyuga, as your summon can use ranged attacks while you close for using your taijutsu."

"Y-y-yes, Hokage-sama," said Hinata, immediately seeing the Hokage's point.

"Hinata's summoning," said Naruto. "Is the Black Mage contract, which allows her to summon from the Village of Black Mages."

"How did you even know about them?" asked Terra, thinking that was an awful lot.

"I had a dream," said Naruto, shrugging. "It all came to me. Same with yours."

"Mine?" asked Terra, now eager to unwrap her own scroll and see what developed.

"Summoning Jutsu!"

Terra concentrated, her blooded hand touching the stone, and sent her chakra out. Magic was different here, but it was less something strange and more something fundamental. Ninja, samurai, and other elite occupations that she'd encountered all had magic that they'd learned to do.

It was different in some ways, it was similar in others. She didn't remember all of her previous life, and she felt distant from it somehow, but there were things that remained. One thing that remained was that she COULD wield magic. One thing that had changed was that she had only about twice the magical capacity of a typical Academy student. About what the elite clan members in her class had.

Snowflakes drifted down, touching the ground ahead of her. Ice formed at the point of impact, then thrust up in a pillar.

The pillar shattered and...

"You're different from what I expected somehow," said Terra to the little girl who stepped out.

The girl in the white kimono frowned slightly.

"Nothing personal," hastened to add Terra. "Just I have a lot of confused memories."

" **As it should be. You are living this life, not your previous one.** "

"You are Shiva?" asked Terra.

" **I am called that, yes. I am Ice, the cold of the winter's gale. I am the chill that precipitates gas and liquid into solid. I am the landscape that glistens far from the warmth. I am an Aspect of the Universe Entire.** "

"Okay, and you're my first summons," said Terra. "Glad to meet you."

" **And I you, child of destiny. Summon me at need, for neither you nor I can dwell in each other's realm for long.** "

"Okay," said Terra as Shiva vanished. "Weird, I can still kind of feel her."

"Now mine," said Naruto, unfurling his scroll with a flourish. He bit his thumb, spread the blood on his hand and slapped it down into the white space at the heart of a black circle on the paper.

There was a loud puff as something answered.

Terra made a little sound that was more along the line of what Naruto was used to hearing from Sasuke's fangirls.

Appearing out of the puff of chakra smoke was a three foot tall creature that seemed to combine cat and rabbit and human characteristics. If you could get past the little batlike wings and the pompom antennae.

"Greetings and salutations," said the creature. "You have successfully summoned singly the mildly magnificent moogle Montblanc! State your busine-"

_KA-GLOMP!_

"Excuse me," said Montblanc, now with a Terra wrapped around him. "Don't ruffle the fur, kupo!"

"He looks different from what I'm used to," said Terra, "but this fur! This is definitely a moogle!"

"I could use a bit of help here," said Montblanc to Naruto.

"Terra, you're acting like one of Sasuke's fangirls," said Naruto.

_Whippppp!_

"Sorry," said Terra, though she looked like she still wanted to ruffle fur.

"Be that as it may," said Montblanc, straightening his suit and smoothing his fur with quick motions. Also eyeing Terra in case she should launch a glomp again.

"I just signed the moogle contract,' said Naruto. "Chapter twelve of the book I was reading on the subject said you should introduce yourself."

"Ah, yes, the initial introduction between individuals," said Montblanc with a nod that set his pompom quivering. As this also produced a strangled squee from Terra, he took a wary step away from the kunoichi-trainee.

"A-ano," said Hinata, bowing and fighting her own squee-glomp reaction. "The black mages can throw fire and other elemental jutsu. Shiva can produce ice and cold. M-m-might I ask what a 'moogle' does?"

"They dance," said Terra, remembering that much.

"They 'dance'?" asked Naruto.

"I think that's all they do?" asked Terra, sounding uncertain.

"Really," huffed Montblanc. "Rather ridiculous really. Moogles are the magical mechanics most mighty and multi-talented. To limit us to being mere dancers? Pfeh, I say."

"But all moogles dance," said Terra, trying to remember details and not having much success. Still, hadn't Mog been like that? "It's as plain as the pom on your pompom."

"Hmph," said Montblanc. "Summoner! Are those wild woods with their fulsome foliage there amply available for careful cutting?"

The Hokage cleared his throat, reminding everyone of his presence. "What exactly do you need?"

* * *

"Naruto is so uncool," said Sakura, sounding rather less certain than she had last year at this time.

"Right," agreed Ino, also not as certain of that.

"Unlike Sasuke," said Ami, thinking that part indisputable.

"Right," agreed Ino and Sakura.

"So why is Iruka-sensei getting us on the roof and saying that it's something Naruto did?" asked Sakura. "It's not a prank he's pulled, is it?"

"He hasn't been doing those lately," said Ino. "But it must be that. Right?"

* * *

"Why are they talking trash about Naruto again?" said Rylla, the dark elf girl tucking an errant strand of her hair behind one pointed ear and squinting in the direction of the Sasuke Fan Club.

"Because they're idiots," offered Aoi, adjusting her glasses as she read a book - not even bothering to look.

"Terra seems to be getting awful close to Naruto-sama," said Cecily with a frown.

"We don't want to bring trouble to his door, so let her," advised Aoi. "We're only twelve, don't read too much into it."

* * *

The Hokage arrived in a swirl of chakra smoke, followed quickly by six ANBU who looked around uncertainly.

One of the furry little whatevers came walking up with a bundle of cloth. "Kupo! Appropriate forms and clothes are important!"

"Ah," said the Hokage, deciding to pass on the Admiral Hat but taking the coat and fastening it around his shoulders. Form WAS important after all.

"Well?" asked Naruto, standing next to Hinata and Terra. "Is the word given?"

"The word is given," said the Hokage, nodding towards the wheel. "I believe the word is... Engage!"

"Right! Mister Montblanc!" said Naruto.

"Aye aye! You heard the man!" called out Montblanc.

"Aye aye sir! Weigh anchor!"

"Twelve pounds."

_BOP!_ went a thrown rubber mallet into the helmet worn by the punning moogle.

"Magitek batteries to power!"

"Turbines to speed!"

"Lift rotors engaged!"

The propellors began whirring frantically.

"Lift circuits charged!"

The ship slowly lifted as the Hokage stood there, legs slightly spread and arms behind his back. That he was grinning around his pipe wasn't commented on by anyone. He made a single hand-sign and his coat began fluttering dramatically.

"Ojiisan, you know a jutsu for your coat to billow?" asked Terra, seemingly in disbelief.

The Third Hokage nodded.

"That's so COOL!" enthused Naruto, thinking he HAD to learn that one.

"Forward thrust ahead slow, Mister Hyuga" called out Montblanc.

"Ahead slow," agreed Hinata nervously as she nudged the stick to the first selection.

* * *

"What's that buzzing noise?" asked Ino as they waited for SOMETHING to happen.

"Big bugs?" guessed Ami.

"What's that?" asked Sasuke, looking in one direction.

Everyone went silent as the odd shape slowly approached, eventually being shown to be a ship with many propellers whirling with the Hokage standing in a commanding position - with furry little creatures running around the deck and Terra and Hinata and Naruto at various stations on that deck.

Sakura summed it up for everyone present. "Buh wha?"

* * *

"That's an... airship," said one of the mi'qote.

"I want one," said Rylla.

"You can barely tolerate being out in the sunlight and you want to ride around in one of those?" asked Cecily.

"I'll get a freaking parasol or something," said Rylla.

* * *

"Permission to take the ship up to cruising altitude and advance to half-speed?" asked Montblanc of the Hokage.

The Hokage slowly reached up, took the pipe out of his mouth, and seemed to consider the weighty matter. Finally he nodded.

"Going to half speed," said Hinata, having seen that and responding by advancing the lever to that position.

"Right," said Naruto happily, adjusting the controls.

"Ready," said Terra, checking instruments.

* * *

As the speed went up to a fairly good constant movement and the village dwindled below them, one of the ANBU leaned a little closer to the Hokage. "You know, sir. This would make a good delivery and retrieval vehicle for some missions."

"The thought had already occurred to me," admitted the Hokage.

"And?" asked the ANBU.

"Let them have their vehicle for now," said the Hokage. "We may have to take it away, but at least give them today."

The ANBU took a look at the three young friends at the controls, nodded, and stepped back.

* * *

"I can't believe they took our airship," grumbled Naruto.

"The good of the village comes before the good of some genin," grumbled Terra.

"Well, uhm," said Hinata.

"Tests are coming up, we need to study," said Terra. "What do you suppose the odds are they'll put us all on separate teams?"

"What? No," complained Naruto. "Why would they do that?"

"M-maybe we should find a way to avoid that," suggested Hinata.

* * *

"Okay, then," said Iruka. "Top scorer this time is Tokine followed by Cecily."

"Yatta!" declared the redhaired girl.

"What?" asked Sakura. "I was sure I aced that test!"

Iruka checked. "You got one question wrong. Cecily answered all questions correctly, while Tokine not only answered all the questions correctly - she was given a point for detail on question seven. Then you, Sakura, followed by Millhiore."

Tokine inclined her head slightly in acknowledgement.

"You got my name right, sensei!" exclaimed Millhiore Firianno Biscotti.

Kiba looked around at the female-dominated class, remembered the time when this was not the case, and just grinned happily as he leaned back in his chair.

Ino glared at Kiba, sure that something perverted was going on behind that grin.

"Taijutsu practice in ten minutes, so get ready for it," said Iruka before disappearing in a shunshin.

* * *

Kiba sat back and watched the girls have at it.

There were catgirls (meh), dog-girls (yeah baby!), foxgirls (cute), wolfgirls (oh yeah!), elves (too damn elitist), dark elves (leather and lace!), girls who excelled in kenjutsu, girls who had strange kekkei genkai, girls who had a great deal of development for their age, girls who were really good at taijutsu.

Most of whom liked Akamaru and came over to pet him at one point or another.

Oh yeah. He was liking the classes a lot more nowadays.

* * *

"Well, at least he's not summoning large groups anymore," said Homura with a put-upon sigh as punctuation.

Koharu nodded. "A couple of those girls remind me of me when I was considerably younger."

"Ugh," said Homura.

"What was that?" asked Koharu.

"N-nothing," said Homura quickly. Not mentioning that he'd pictured the girls in question aged to their own number of years. He promised his imagination that if it went there again, he'd find a rusty kunai and gut it.

"The fox-child has done well, but it's just as well that this special jutsu remain sealed and kept in the Hokage Tower," commented Koharu. "Yes, just as well."

AUTHOR'S NOTES:

No, this is not a Naruto Gets Everybody/Tenchi Solution setup. Logically, that wouldn't be possible or legal in ninja society even if he does have the ability to spam shadow clones.

Yes, it could go any number of weird ways, depending on who ends up on Naruto's team.

Iljrene is the best i could recollect, there was a drow girl who sounded interesting who was a battlemaster of the Promenade under Qilue's command, but i'm drawing a complete blank on the name. So, an expy/alternate of her, same basic deal as what happened with Terra.

Downer endings aren't usually very funny after all, and this IS a result of Toltiir meddling.


	9. Pimp DADA Jiraiya 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> an idea i played around with until the Purists started in on me.

 

 

 

**Another Fistful Of Omake**

by Greylle

DISCLAIMER: Naruto from Kishimoto, the Potterverse from JK Rowling.  
NOTE: One of the ideas i came up with for redoing the Shippuden thing. This got written because of the title. Not sure how far it would go, but having Jiraiya showing his competent side (instead of his comic relief side) had some appeal.

Omake 27: Pimp DADA Jiraiya

* * *

The sphere evaporated, leaving two ninja suspended in mid-air. One was experienced enough to have a plan if that happened, and enough variety in his skills to do something about it.

_KA-THUD!_

The other, not so much.

"DAMN IT," said Naruto, rubbing his buttocks.

"That's why you got padding there anyway," said Jiraiya, leaping more carefully down from where he'd clung and then putting away the grappling hook he'd had in one hand but not gotten the chance to use.

"How did you have that on you anyway?" asked Naruto.

"Sealing scroll, I unsealed it just in case," said Jiraiya, putting the cord back into the sack, then sealing the sack back into a scroll.

"Why do you even have that?" asked Naruto.

"Because I'm a wandering writer," said Jiraiya, pointing at the scroll. "There are blank scrolls, ink, a telescope, notepad, and a dozen other useful supplies."

"For peeping no doubt," guessed Naruto.

"Well, that too," said Jiraiya with a shrug. "Now. What can we tell about where we've landed?"

"I dunno, you tell me," griped Naruto.

Jiraiya let out a pained sigh. "Okay, Naruto. Is this a training trip?"

"Well, yeah," admitted Naruto.

"Who is being trained on this trip?" asked Jiraiya.

"Me!" said Naruto, still not seeing it.

"So when I'm training a ninja and ask him a question which is meant to show off that trainee's observation skills?" asked Jiraiya.

Naruto blinked. "Oh."

"Yes, 'oh'," agreed Jiraiya.

"Well," said Naruto. "Dark room. Chairs. Desk. Uhm..."

Jiraiya checked a curtain, grunted, then moved the curtain aside to reveal the window and what lay beyond it.

"Whoa," said Naruto, looking out at green fields, a lake, misty mountains, and a landscape otherwise completely different from where he'd been just a short time ago.

Jiraiya was ready for it. Appearing out of nowhere in Konoha would bring ANBU. Standard protocol in such circumstance was to:  
a) Observe. Determine if there was an active threat and what power level was being displayed.  
b) Communicate. Using ANBU hand-signs or short-range communications, communicate findings to other arriving ANBU.  
c) Response. Respond to threat in kind, investigate further if intrusion is not behaving in a hostile manner.

Spies would therefore be observed before confronted. What were they spying on? Were there confederates? Was it a false alarm such as could be caused by someone forgetting an identification pass before passing through a detection seal?

Jiraiya's eyes flicked around the room, noting immediately when someone quietly slipped into place. Jiraiya was sure to meet the figure's eyes, nod slightly, then return to watching Naruto.

"Student. Your observational skills need work." Jiraiya shook his head as if filled with disappointment.

"Aw, c'mon Pervy-sage, it isn't like anyone knows we're here. Heck, WE don't know where we are."

"Sorry about this," said Jiraiya to the old man who'd slipped into the room.

"I take it-" began the old man.

"WAGH!" Naruto fell over.

Jiraiya sighed heavily, putting in a facepalm for good measure.

The old man managed to mostly suppress a smirk. "I take it that this is your student?"

"Yes, quite," said Jiraiya. "I wanted to check out your school here, but we appear to have missed the spot we were aiming for."

"Ah, well, Hogwarts is protected from attempts to just pop in for a visit," said the old man. "The school is, in fact, not open for students until tomorrow."

"All the better to observe before all the students get in," said Jiraiya, in full infiltration mode and therefore prepared to sling BS until the sky mooed.

"Oh?" asked the old man. "I'm sorry, I didn't get your names."

"Jiraiya, wandering author," said Jiraiya, bowing lightly to the obvious authority figure. So he'd guessed correctly from the bookshelves and diplomas on the wall - this was the office of someone in the Academic field. "This is my apprentice, Naruto Uzumaki."

"Odd names, but I get the feeling you've come very far away," said the old man. "I am Albus Dumbledore."

"Talk about odd names," grumbled Naruto.

"No floo travel, nor evidence of splinching," said Dumbledore. "Most curious."

"I've only engaged in this form of transport once before, and don't know all the details myself," admitted Jiraiya.

"Oh?" asked Albus Dumbledore, thinking about this and trying to discern how much BS was actually being slung.

There was a brief knock at the door.

"Ex-excuse me," said a timid-looking fellow as he stuck his head in the door.

"Professor Quirrell, I rather expected our Defense Against The Dark Arts instructor to be rather more prompt on responding to a potential trespasser," said Dumbledore.

"W-w-well, that is to say," began Quirinus Quirrell, fidgeting as he took out a wooden stick. "I - I really wasn't p-prepared for s-such."

"Interesting," said Jiraiya. "Might I ask which one is Quirrell?"

Quirinus Quirrel froze to such an extent that Albus almost wondered if a petrification spell had been used.

"I beg your pardon," said Albus Dumbledore. "What do you mean?"

Jiraiya paused, not wanting his full abilities to be known at this juncture. The hostility had just jumped at least two notches from the hidden individual. "There are two people there. Both have a bit of hostility, but one is much stronger than the other."

"R-r-r-ridiculous," offered Professor Quirrell.

Jiraiya looked over the individual in question, then shrugged. "I don't know what or why or how, but that presence reminds me way too much of someone I know and actively dislike."

Naruto, in the meantime, had gotten behind the Professor in question and reached out with one finger. "What's with the weird hat? I could swear I heard something hiss in there."

Quirrell whirled, brandishing his wand. "Crucio!"

Naruto dropped to one knee, a startled scream briefly coming from his throat as he was hit with more pain than he'd ever known before. Then it was gone.

"Do anything like that again," said Jiraiya, having backhanded the Professor into a wall, "and I will have to hurt you. BOTH of you."

The face on the back of Quirrell's head, revealed as the hat had tumbled off, mumbled something about a headache.

"Voldemort!" thundered Albus Dumbledore on seeing the face, his own wand switching targets as he reassigned active threat values. "How dare you infiltrate my school!"

"We've been here quite some time actually," said Voldemort, sneering despite the blood dripping from his mouth. "You cannot kill me. You cannot stop me!"

"Excuse me," said Jiraiya, putting a small vial on the ground. "Anyone mind if I try this?"

Eyeing the vial, Voldemort decided he didn't like the look of this. Time to separate from his failure of a host and try again. Fortunately the door was still slightly ajar and provided a ready means of escape. "I shall return, a thousand times more powerful, and you shall all die."

Jiraiya unfurled a small scroll with a snap of his wrist as the misty form expanded, cut one finger with a practiced gesture, and then raced through hand-seals.

"What are you doing?" asked Albus Dumbledore.

"Anti-demon SEAL!" said Jiraiya, answering by doing.

* * *

Severus Snape had been following Quirrell, responding to the same alarm and adding additional notes to his "why Quirrell would be best left to a different department than Defense Against The Dark Arts" file.

So he had been in position to overhear comments, but other than drawing his wand in case his assistance was required with the intruders - he had refrained from action.

When the odd green light had appeared, he had moved to the partially ajar door to observe.

A swirling green vortex had within it what LOOKED like a melting Voldemort and while he watched slammed the vaporous thing into what looked like one of those little bottles the Japanese used for that rice wine they were fond of.

The large fellow controlling the vortex slammed a cork down onto that bottle, took out a small piece of paper, and then scribbled something across that paper before wrapping the bottle in it.

"That should do it," said the large fellow.

"Excuse me, but what exactly was that, who are you, and what is going on?" asked Snape, the complete oddness of the situation causing him to temporarily lose his accustomed snarkiness.

"Ah, d-d-don't hurt me," said Quirrell, not realizing that practically everyone in the room had dismissed him of being any consequence at all.

"An associate of mine has a similar ability, and I had this idea of how to stop him if I ever encountered him when he was escaping one body and looking for another," said the large fellow, both his posture and tone indicating he was well pleased with himself.

"You had that ready for Orochimaru?" asked a yellow-haired boy wearing an outfit that was even more of an eyesore than the one adorning the large fellow.

"Yeah," said that large fellow with the pseudo-Japanese outfit, making a gesture. "I developed counters for a couple of his tricks."

Quirrell yelped as he stopped crawling for the door, an odd knife imbedded into one hand.

"Shut up and be still," advised the large one. "From what I put together on that body-thief technique, the victim has to either not resist or it burns their mind out. Since you're not drooling on yourself..."

"Indeed," said Albus. "You seem well versed in such things."

"When you fight monsters, you have to know something about how they operate," said the large fellow.

"'He who fights monsters should see to it that he himself does not become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an Abyss, the Abyss gazes also into you.'"

"Well put," said the large fellow, nodding.

"It's a quote. Friedrich Nietzsche," said Severus Snape. "So, did I see this correctly. Did you just seal the Dark Lord into a bottle of rice-wine?"

"If that was a 'Dark Lord' - then yes," said the large fellow.

There was a brief silence as everyone looked towards the little ceramic bottle sealed with paper.

"Is he able to get out again?" asked Severus, raising an eyebrow.

"Not unless someone lets him out," said the large fellow.

"I see," said Severus, putting his wand away then steepling his fingers as he considered that. "Well, Albus. I'm glad to see you're taking my recommendations for a new Defense Against the Dark Arts instructor seriously. While I remain deeply disappointed that I was not your immediate choice, this one at least seems... credible in his abilities."

"Jiraiya of the Leaf," said the large fellow, giving a slight bow of the head.

"Severus Snape, Potions Instructor," said Severus, giving a like inclination of the head. Japanese, as he recalled, were very big on such little gestures of politeness. Though neither looked particularly Japanese as far as physical appearances - certain elements of clothing and their backpacks seemed to suggest a Japanese or at least Oriental background.

"Hmmm, this is a most interesting development," admitted Albus Dumbledore, his eyes focused entirely on the wrapped bottle on the floor.

* * *

"Why do I have to go to school?" grumbled Naruto.

"Naruto, do you remember what that two-faced guy hit you with?" asked Jiraiya.

"You mean the one that felt as if I had knives cutting into me EVERYWHERE? Gee, I wonder," grumbled Naruto.

"Have you ever seen that jutsu before?" asked Jiraiya.

"Uhm, no," admitted Naruto.

"Have you ever seen jutsu that required someone to name a technique while waving a stick before?" asked Jiraiya.

"Uhm, not so much," admitted Naruto.

"Have you ever seen a jutsu that caused wooden sticks to allow ninja to fly?" asked Jiraiya, sitting on the edge of the desk and looking out the window.

"Well, no, I can't say that I have," admitted Naruto before looking out the window. Once he did, he could indeed see a woman on what looked like an old broom flying above one of the fields outside the school.

"Now, I've seen some flight techniques - Iwa has them but they're not exactly common," said Jiraiya, his voice thoughtful. "Requires a lot of chakra, precise control, and you're basically repelling yourself from the ground as I understand it. That looks a lot easier."

"I SO want that," admitted Naruto. "Okay, I can see why you want to stick around this old place. But why do I have to be a student?"

"Because you're not old enough to be a teacher, you ARE my student, and you get to attend classes where they explain how to do things like that," said Jiraiya, jerking a thumb towards the window as he returned his attention to Naruto.

"But I suck at tests and studying and stuff," confessed Naruto.

"So you learn by doing," said Jiraiya.

"How are you going to fake being a teacher?" asked Naruto.

"Who's faking anything?" replied Jiraiya. "I DO have a few ideas on how to overcome the lack of knowledge of THEIR techniques though. So don't worry about it."

* * *

"Hey youngster, I saw you watching from the window."

The woman seemed old, but carried it well. Unlike Grandma Tsunade, who hid it.

"Uhm, yeah, it's kinda neat," admitted Naruto.

"Tell you what, you show me how you're doing that, and I'll show you how to use a broom," said the old woman.

"Eh?" asked Naruto.

"I saw you," said the woman. "You didn't use a wand, no incantation was uttered, but you climbed a wall and leapt from one staircase to another as they were shifting."

"Well, yeah, I got kinda lost trying to find a bathroom around here," admitted Naruto. "Cause these staircases and stuff keep moving around."

"You have NO idea how truly annoying they can be," said the woman. "I'm certain that they can determine when you're in a hurry and they deliberately switch around on such occasions."

"You're a teacher here?" asked Naruto.

"Madam Rolanda Hooch, flight instructor," said the old woman. "And you?"

"Oh, right. Naruto Uzumaki. Uhm, student sorta I guess."

"Very well, Mister Uzumaki. Do we have a deal?"

* * *

"Rolanda, what exactly were you doing with that young man?"

"Falling down for the most part, Minerva."

"Might one inquire exactly why one would do such a fool thing?"

"Have you ever needed to go rushing off to the bathroom only to find that none of the stairs are behaving? Have you ever had the cafeteria announce fresh salmon only to discover that you arrived two minutes too late?"

"Well, no, not really."

Madam Hooch sniffed, her falcon-like appearance momentarily strengthening as emotions intensified. "Well, I have. And as there are no spells to be cast or brooms ridden within the halls, I find myself quite interested in these 'jutsu' that allow a spell-effect without a spell being cast."

"A spell that isn't a spell? Preposterous."

"Our new Defense Against The Dark Arts instructor seems a specialist in such things," said Madam Hooch. "It may be quite an interesting year."

"Oh, I've no doubt about that," admitted Minerva McGonagall. "Just that Harry Potter will be attending this year would make it interesting."

* * *

"So," said Jiraiya. "What's up with this 'Hari Poturu' kid?"

Minerva McGonagall glanced at the odd new DADA teacher. "Do you not know anything about the Wizarding World?"

"Not locally," admitted Jiraiya. "Entirely different customs."

"Then how are you going to teach Defense Against The Dark Arts?" asked McGonagall.

"In my own fashion actually," said Jiraiya with a suitable grin. "Not going to answer the question, are you?"

"I'm not exactly the best authority for you on the matter," said McGonagall. "I'm Minerva McGonagall, the Transfiguration teacher."

"Hang on, is that big bug over there dangerous?" asked Jiraiya, nodding his head towards a wall.

"Uhm, actually," said Minerva, seeing a large spider where there shouldn't be one. "Those are quite poisonous." And this one was large enough to pose a danger to any cats nearby.

No wand was raised. The odd man raised two fingers up to rest just below his mouth, and then breathed a stream of flames which reduced the acromantula spawn to a crispy husk which dropped a second later.

Minerva McGonagall blinked. "No wand?" He hadn't burned the wall either, which bespoke enormous control over a normally rambunctious element.

"In an actual combat situation, such as when you're dealing with an enemy ambush or poisonous spider - every second is precious," said Jiraiya, who was quite aware he was being judged. "Being able to send a simple attack like that off can give you a few seconds to prepare."

"I see," said Minerva McGonagall, nodding. She in fact DID see. If someone attacked you and you could throw fire at them, it could distract the opponent long enough for you to get your own wand out. While she still had serious reservations about the foreign teacher here in Hogwarts, that DID manage to establish some credibility.

"Oh, here you are," said another woman, entering the lounge. "Professor Jiraiya, isn't it?"

"Indeed," said Jiraiya. "New Defense Against the Dark Arts instructor. And you?"

"Professor Bethesda Babbling," said the wiry-thin woman with a large nose and thick glasses. "You really should make the rounds and get acquainted with everyone."

"I suppose I should," admitted Jiraiya. "Professor?"

"Yes, I'll fill you on those details you asked for on a later occasion, I think," said McGonagall with a nod.

* * *

Jiraiya paused as an enormous man went off on some sort of flying vehicle from Hogwarts.

"Something wrong?" asked Severus Snape, coming up behind Jiraiya.

"Ah, Professor Snape," said Jiraiya, inclining his head towards the severely dressed Potions instructor. "No, just noticing that sensible contraption."

"'Sensible'?" asked Snape, a sneer beginning. "How is that ridiculous contraption sensible?"

"Padded seat," said Jiraiya. "I notice most of the brooms used for flying are just a hardwood rod where you sit down. I'd imagine after several hours of flying like that it'd be quite uncomfortable."

Snape opened his mouth, paused, visibly thought about it, then nodded to concede that point. "Perhaps. I have seen saddles used on some models of flying broom. I however find that gallavanting around in the air like that is more a passion of the young. There are other methods available that are more time and energy efficient."

"Perhaps," said Jiraiya. "Certainly more dignified. Yet I would think it would have its uses. As well as a certain style."

"Perhaps," said Severus.

* * *

"Oh no, that won't do at all," said Madam Rolanda Hooch. "You need equipment for your first day here and don't even have a wand? No, we really must do something about this."

Jiraiya glanced at Naruto, wondering how the boy had managed to befriend two of the teachers here already. "Well, there's a problem. I have some money, Naruto does as well, but neither is even close to the local currency."

Charity Burbage nodded at that herself. While she was mainly an assistant to the Muggle Studies department at present, she WAS the professor in charge of the Muggle Music class. "I've got the least prepwork to do, Rolanda. I'll pop off to Diagon Alley with young Naruto here and make sure he's set up proper."

"Excellent," said Madam Hooch, nodding once. It was hard not to like Charity Burbage, despite her oft-controversial stance on interacting with muggles. She was, after all, a hard worker who came across as quite sincerely friendly and responsible. It also didn't hurt that she was excellent in Potions and a wonder in the kitchen. When teatime came around she usually had an extra cucumber sandwich or two, or some other typical traditional snack for the occasion.

"Don't worry about the expense," Charity assured Jiraiya. "I'll just keep a running tally and you can pay back when your wages come in. Just don't go dying off."

"Not that bit about the 'DADA curse' again," said Minerva McGonagall from where she had seated herself during the introductions to Professor Jiraiya.

"What exactly does he need?" asked Jiraiya.

"Accio Hogwarts Invitation," said Charity, her wand making the appropriate gesture. Paperwork flew to her hand, which she then handed off.

"Hmmm," said Jiraiya, quickly checking the second page. "First year students will require three sets of plain black robes, one plain pointed hat, one pair of protective gloves, one winter cloak, a list of books, wand, cauldron, a set of crystal or glass vials, a telescope, brass scales, an animal... toad?"

"Yes, you're allowed a toad - though any familiar will do," admitted Rolanda Hooch. "Owl, cat, and toad are simply the most traditional."

"Many don't bring one at all," noted Charity. "That part is strictly optional."

"No, I can manage a toad on my own," said Naruto.

"Oh, and a first-year cannot bring their own broomstick," said Madam Hooch. "That's a very old rule, as the students are meant to familiarize themselves with versions that do not bear individual tweaks or nonstandard features."

"Robes?" asked Naruto. "Can't I just wear what I'm wearing?"

"You have a problem with robes?" asked Professor McGonagall, raising an eyebrow.

"If I jump anywhere or fly, I'm gonna be kinda exposed," pointed out Naruto.

"The robes are outerwear, Mister Uzumaki," said Professor McGonagall. "It is quite acceptable to wear clothing underneath that layer."

"Well, let's get a move on, young Mister Uzumaki," said Professor Burbage. "We'll floo into Diagon Alley and see you equipped for your stay."

* * *

Naruto felt a moment of disorientation as he reappeared in an entirely different chimney than he'd been a moment ago.

"You want to get out of there as soon as you can move," advised Charity Burbage. "Otherwise it can get messy."

"Okay, I s'pose," said Naruto, his eyes flicking over the area. It was an area of heavy traffic.

"Oi! Move it along, mate!"

"Right, sorry," said Naruto, realizing he'd stopped and was blocking people from using the fireplace. He moved away from the fireplace despite looking in all directions as much as possible.

"First time in Diagon Alley, eh?" asked Charity. "Hmmm. I suppose it might be a bit overwhelming if you don't know what to expect."

"Uhm, yeah, so what do we do first?" asked Naruto.

"First, the wand. I've heard your form of magic doesn't require one, but you'll find that wands focus and direct the magic a lot more efficiently," said Charity. "Ollivander's is the best, so that's where we'll go."

* * *

"Well, now, what do we have here?" said Garrick Ollivander, sizing up the two customers entering his shop. In truth, he knew through simple deduction what was up. It was late afternoon or early evening, depending on whom one spoke to, the day before the Hogwarts Express would be taking children up to that school.

One of the two, Charity Burbage, was known to Ollivander as a teacher at Hogwarts. Also known, in Ollivander's personal opinion, for being able to make a strawberry-rhubarb pie that was just this side of Heaven's Gate. Oh, and she was a Muggles Studies teacher.

The boy was a bit old for a first time wand-buyer, but staring with unabashed curiosity around him and dressed in unfamiliar clothing. He also looked somewhat oriental despite the blue eyes and yellow-gold hair.

Therefore, Garrick Ollivander deduced - first time wand buyer. Probably muggle-born and lately discovered as a wizard. Not entirely unheard of though the boy was a bit old to have just recently manifested some magic.

"We need to get Mister Uzumaki here outfitted with a wand," said Charity. "I'll need a receipt, by the by. I'm to be eventually reimbursed when his mentor's finances are a bit more settled."

"Oh yes, I quite understand," said Ollivander with a nod. "Very well, let me take a couple of measurements."

Naruto endured a few minutes of having some tape measure being brought out and some odd commands being given him. He didn't see the point of any of it, but was taking his cues from Professor Burbage who seemed to think everything going on was perfectly normal.

"All right," said Garrick Ollivander, looking over his notes then regarding the ceiling thoughtfully. "Let's see. Perhaps?"

Going to a shelf at apparently random, the aged man checked a few boxes before pulling one out and opening it up. "Let's see here. Yew wood and dragon heartstring, six inches, very supple."

Naruto took the proferred wand and stared at it.

"Go ahead and give it a flick," suggested Professor Burbage.

Naruto flicked the wand. Sparks erupted from the lamps, a jet of flame roared out from the inkpot on the desk, and a fly buzzing around the stairwell screamed and left a trail of smoke in the air as it crashed to the ground.

"My word," said Charity Burbage.

"That was rather extreme," noted Garrick Ollivander. "I think that was a 'no' as far as a match."

"A 'match'?" asked Naruto.

"The wand chooses the wizard, Mister Uzumaki," said Garrick Ollivander before getting thoughtful again. "Maybe..."

The wandmaker went to a different shelf, where he brought out an old dusty box and a different wand. "Eight inches, cherry wood with a unicorn hair core."

Naruto grasped it, only for the wand to go shooting off across the room and bury itself in a wall.

"That was most definitely a 'no'," indicated Ollivander. "In fact, I think it safe to say that that was the most clear indication of 'no' that I have yet seen."

"Well, that's a bit of an accomplishment at least," indicated Professor Burbage.

"Quite," admitted Ollivander as he saw a challenge here before him. "Let's try this one." Another rummaging around and pulling forth a wand was followed by Naruto holding onto it.

"Uhm, it felt like it squirmed," said Naruto, staring at the length of wood.

"Try anyway," said Ollivander.

A ten inch long wooly rhinoceros stood there on the countertop after Naruto had finished.

"Another first," proclaimed Ollivander.

"Cool!" proclaimed Naruto.

"It is rather cute," said Professor Burbage.

"I'll use it to knock down your bill a bit," said Ollivander, using his own wand to summon a birdcage to put the creature into. "I know someone who is very much into exotic type mammals and I do believe this qualifies."

Another frantic sorting went on, with Ollivander chosing and discarding several wands without bringing one to Naruto. Finally he muttered a "perhaps" and then went to a cabinet which he then unlocked, pulling a single box from the interior.

"I acquired this one back in 1939," stated Ollivander, unwinding the chains holding this wand case closed. "A foreign wizard handed it off for me to research. A most curious thing. He paid in advance, went off to deal with something related to the war, then never returned."

"It certainly looks unusual," noted Professor Burbage.

"Oh, it certainly is that," said Ollivander. "Elder god spleen fiber and runewood."

"Dear me, that sounds terribly expensive," said Charity Burbage. "Isn't runewood extinct?"

"To the point of being mythic," said Garrick Ollivander, using a pair of pliers to lift the wand from the case. "The same with the core. Until I examined it and determined the components, I had thought either material unlikely to exist in the first place. In any case, Mister Uzumaki, if you would?"

"Those are metal pliers," noted Naruto.

"Indeed," said Ollivander, still using the pliers to hold up the wand in question.

"The metal is smoking," noted Naruto.

"Not unexpected either," said Ollivander.

Naruto nervously gulped and reached out to touch the shaft of wood.

It seemed as if the entire world went silent for a moment, even the crowds outside the shop having paused for a moment.

Then the wand in question settled itself into Naruto's hand with a purring sound.

"Ah," said Garrick Ollivander. "This seems ominous somehow."

"How expensive is that?" asked Professor Burbage.

"Quite cheap actually," said Ollivander. "I've been wanting to get rid of it. It makes the other wands nervous."

* * *

Naruto found a wand sheath being given him, and discovered one wore it as a bracer against one's forearm. At thirteen inches, a bit long for that location but he was told once he'd gotten his growth it would be perfect. In the meantime he wore it in a belt holster.

"Now, you said you could get a toad yourself," said Charity Burbage as they exited Ollivander's wand shop. "So we'll go with cauldrons next."

"What's a 'cauldron' anyway?" asked Naruto.

"You'll see," said Charity, heading off. "First we get off the main strip. Not that way, as Knockturn Alley is somewhat unpleasant. This way."

"Where's this?" asked Naruto as they went up a flight of stairs.

"Horizon Alley," said Charity. "Not quite as upscale as Diagon, more reputable than Knockturn."

"Oh," said Naruto, not understanding but figuring this Professor seemed to know what she was about.

"Horizon Alley," said Charity, pointing at the sign, then at various stores. "That there is McMurdock's, he's a specialist in potions and oils and such. A little bit crazy though. Been sniffing his distilleries a bit too much I think. Over there is Mohawk Weapons, owned by a Mister E. Or Z. Or something like that. Enchanted weaponry... Mister Uzumaki?"

* * *

" **What the hell is this?** " asked the Ninetailed Demon Fox as odd ripples went through the chakra network of his host.

Odd itching sensations accompanied each one, and then It came.

It was cool and soothing on a hot day, it was tight control and disciplined edge.

It was clearly a weapon.

" **Interesting,** " said Kurama as it examined what it could tell of the thing from his prison.

Destruction/Corruption/Chaos/Transfiguration

" **Oh?** " asked Kurama as the ripples of chakra briefly formed a set of sensations. Of course, if it was to withstand the chakra of the Ninetailed Demon Fox, it would have to be fairly tough - but it also sounded as if it had a penchant for blowing things up or slicing them apart.

Destruction/Devastation.

Both sounded intriguing to the caged Kyubi. Quite a few possibilities offered themselves with such a thing.

* * *

"Mister U-zu-ma-ki. WHY do you feel you need such a thing?"

"But... weapon... cool..." said Naruto, giving a very good begging-puppy-no-jutsu as he gestured towards the shop.

"No. You may not have such a thing. Not at Hogwarts. There is absolutely nothing at the school you would use such a thing for. Not to mention that you have no money with which to purchase such a thing." She had been a teacher for several years now and was quite good at resisting the whole "puppy eyes" hex.

"But..." Naruto's voice trailed off and he slumped in place.

Charity Burbage shook her head slightly. "Let's see, that over there - as you can see - is a stationary store for those with special needs in that field. I've met the proprietor - a Mister Peck and I believe the rumors about him acquiring some supplies through less than honest means are completely false."

Naruto glanced up, thinking he ought to tell Pervy-sage about that one. Looked like they sold scrolls there.

"Sorcerous Smokes is a tobaccoist, though he has also been known to acquire various herbs and magical plants," said Charity as they passed that shop. "I'm not sure where Colonel Smith acquired the nickname 'Hannibal' but one can usually find him playing chess or some other strategy game with regular customers if you fancy such diversions. No?"

"No," agreed Naruto. "Shikamaru's good at that sort of thing. I ain't."

"Well, then there's the pastries shop, a small cafe, and our destination itself," said Charity. "Shall we?"

"'Pinsetta Sundries'?" asked Naruto before following the professor into the shop. "What's a 'sundrie'?"

"After that we'll go to Madam Malkin's little shop. Overpriced unless you know how to dicker," said Charity.

Naruto hoped that didn't indicate something hentai.

* * *

Jiraiya sat back on a parapet and considered. Not too many of the young pretty eye-candy he liked to indulge in, but as a teacher in a school that sort of thing might get him thrown out before he was ready. So it was like an infiltration mission in that regard, except the amount of killing was vastly reduced.

As near as he could tell, the society here was generally very capable with their jutsu-use. In fact, the idea of enchanting objects to enhance their effectiveness was something he planned on investigating more thoroughly.

There were a lot of things he wanted to investigate more thoroughly. Unfortunately the lack of young pretty girls meant that was one thing he couldn't really investigate. Pity.

Fortunately, like the last time he'd been involved in one of these 'dimensional transfer' accidents - being translated to a new reality carried with it a dominant language translation. Occasionally a word or phrase wouldn't translate, or some section of writing on a page would remain squiggles that looked like they meant something, but for the most part things were understandable.

Still, even with the language barrier not being a problem, there were parts of this that made no sense to him at all. He lacked the references that this society assumed everyone had.

So, having him and Naruto pose as a foreign teacher and student (it being the truth made it easier to go along with) allowed them to ask why and what and how as they went along. Oh, they're foreigners and don't know any better. Which was good as trying to portray themselves as natives had been blown out of the water within minutes of arrival.

Flipping open his book, Jiraiya began reading. The fact that some of the text and certain pictures moved was somewhat interesting, but he had to establish his presence and identity here first.

Other research, much as it pained him, had to wait.

* * *

Naruto's eyes were glazed over within a minute of the lecture on cauldron construction and alchemical preparation.

Charity Burbage noted that and frowned slightly. "Miss Pinsetta? Do you happen to have some Baruffio's?"

"Ah, the child? Yes, as a matter of fact. With students going off to Hogwarts tomorrow, had to get extra stock in."

"Naruto, take a sip of this. No more than a sip," said Charity, handing a flask to Naruto and then turning back to the proprietor in order to pay for it.

Naruto looked askance at it. "'Baruffio's Brain Elixir'? What's this?"

"It isn't unheard of," Charity assured him. "I'm told the muggles even have a version of it called Attention Deficit Disorder. Also it happens when someone gets hit in the head repeatedly or confusion hexed or such. The potion merely makes it easier for someone to learn and concentrate."

"This is the latest version," said the plump saleswitch. "Less of an overall effect, but it completely eliminates the manic side-effect."

"Well, that's good," said Charity. "Though I think the muggle term is 'obsessive compulsive' or something like that. Actually thought that was a pretty good description."

Naruto tried a sip of the drink, making a face as it tasted... "How can it taste like an old scroll? How do I even know that's what an old scroll would taste like?"

"So, what use is a gold cauldron?" asked Charity.

"The making of certain potions require a gold cauldron, such as _Polyjuice Potion_ , but overall they're useless since the charms keeping the metal from melting have to be renewed constantly," said Naruto, who then stopped and blinked. "Wha?"

"The elixir you just sipped is for focusing one's attention and being able to remember things," said Charity. "By any chance, were you hit with a curse when you were younger?"

Naruto thought of the fox instantly. "You... could say that."

"That's what I thought," said Charity. "Now we've got the cauldron and a supply of elixir to help you along. Next is Madame Malkin's."

* * *

A bell over the door tinkled as the two entered another shop.

"Oh, are you new here child?" asked Charity Burbage.

"Saku... You're not Sakura," said Naruto, blinking. "Sorry." Eye color was wrong (blue instead of green), this girl was at least five years older than Sakura, and Sakura had shorter hair than this girl - though Sakura had longer hair before the Chunin Exams.

"Aye lady, I'm a new hire," said the pink-haired girl in a thick accent.

"What IS it with that hair color?" asked Charity.

"Ah, well, I'm naturally a redhead but I was trying a charm earlier to see if the whole bit about blondes being more popular was accurate." The pinkette shrugged. "Miscast apparently. Should wear off in a few hours, or so I'm told."

"I would hope so," said Charity, shaking her head briefly. "My sympathies. I think there are few young women who haven't experimented with cosmetic transfigurations but my first thought was someone had pranked you."

Naruto thought of all the possibilities for pranks which would result in a change of hair color and was immediately interested. These new jutsu could be used for such? Very interesting.

"Yes, well, my name is Hannah. Can I help you find anything?"

"Young Uzumaki here needs a full set of robes for his enrollment at Hogwarts." Charity indicated Naruto with a gesture.

"Outgrown your old set?" asked Hannah. "Uzumaki, eh? Sounds Japanese. We've got a set of them should fit right over here."

"I want to get one set with the quick cleaning and resist damage charms," said Charity. "Also a set of clothes for around town and doing exercise as I understand his private tutor emphasizes physical fitness."

"Private tutor?" asked Hannah, a practiced eye going over Naruto and estimating money.

"His teacher is currently enrolled at Hogwarts and will be reimbursing me later, so I'll need a line-by-line receipt," said Charity.

"Right-e-oh," said Hannah cheerfully. "We got this one as trade-in. It's got the charms for quick-cleaning, water-shedding, and durability enhancement on it. Understand the previous owner shot up like a weed over the summer and was shy on funds. It'll save you a bit and a bob or two because it IS used and there's a burn on this edge here but it hardly shows."

"That will do nicely," said Charity.

"If it hadn't had that durability charm, prolly would'a burned the robes and the wearer," noted Hannah. "Anyway. Will he be playing quidditch?"

"I doubt it, but he will be learning to fly a broom," said Charity. "Madam Hooch has taken an interest in him."

THAT penetrated the girl's calculations visibly. Madam Hooch had a reputation for pinching every last coin until the metal itself cried out for mercy. She was known for bartering down goblins in the market - not an easy feat.

"Right-e-oh," said Hannah. "So... something a little less orange than what the young laird is wearing?"

"Your accent," said Charity as she placed the off-again on-again accent. "Beauxbatons?"

"Yes'm," said Hannah, taking her tape measure to Naruto. "Though that'd be a few years ago, been out Liverpool way since then. Is that a problem?"

"No, not at all," said Charity. "Just unusual."

"If you'd stand still, young laird," instructed Hannah to a fidgeting Naruto, "I need to finish measuring your inseam."

_WHAP!_

"YAGH!"

Hannah blinked at the boy clinging to the ceiling. "That's odd."

Charity shrugged. "Different culture I suspect. Interesting spell though."

* * *

Producing a kage bunshin when in a fitting room had been easy, and he'd simply left it behind when he'd exited.

The clone waited until the original and the professor had left, then went past the startled Hannah.

There was a shop that needed investigating, and a return visit when he had some of the local money would definitely be on the schedule.

* * *

"So, Mister Uzumaki," said Charity as they stopped at an intersection, "you said you already have a toad. Do you happen to have it in a pocket or something?"

"Not quite," said Naruto, biting his thumb then slapping that hand down. "Summoning jutsu."

"Yo!" said an orange toad. "Wassup?"

Charity felt her eyebrows about ready to join her hairline. "You don't do anything normally do you, Mister Uzumaki?"

"Uhm, no?" tried Naruto.

"Busy place," noted Gamakichi.

"A talking toad wearing a vest," said Charity. "Well, rather more useful than the usual toad."

"Well, I AM a ninja toad," noted Gamakichi. "Did you need something or is this just a social summoning?"

"Mister Uzumaki is enrolled in Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry," said Charity. "He is allowed a toad familiar, which I believe you qualify as though you're a bit larger than the usual. I am Charity Burbage, a professor at Hogwarts."

"Gamakichi," said Gamakichi, waving at the woman briefly. "I don't understand half of what you said, but if you're teaching the kid - good luck."

"I've already taken steps to address his learning disability," Charity informed the toad. "However, your concern for his scholastic achievements is understood and appreciated."

"Uhm, thanks I guess," said Gamakichi.

* * *

"So," said Jiraiya that evening, not looking up from a book he had opened, "what did you get?"

"Magic wand, cauldrons, magic bag, set of these black robes, change of clothes, buncha books, some magic potion, set of crystal vials," said Naruto. "School stuff."

"Ah," said Jiraiya. "Work on your henge. You're going to be masquerading as a younger kid."

"Eh? Why?" asked Naruto.

Jiraiya looked up at that. "Because the First-Year students get the basics, and the basics is what you're going to need."

"Why don't we just learn the local stuff and go back?" asked Naruto.

"Naruto? There is a right way, a wrong way, and a ninja way to do things," said Jiraiya, fairly patiently. "We are using the ninja approach. I forget the rule number but when in an unfamiliar territory - assimilate. Learn everything you can, because information is a valuable resource."

"I still don't see why this wand-waving stuff is necessary," said Naruto.

Jiraiya tried a different tack. "It's dozens of new jutsu which haven't been seen in our country, and therefore something you'd be able to pull out in a fight that your opponent wouldn't know how to counter."

"They know how to do different stuff," admitted Naruto. "I don't see how it's any better than ninjutsu."

"Who is the oldest person you've met?" asked Jiraiya.

Naruto blinked. "Uhm. Jiji, I guess. Third Hokage. He was real old."

"He died at the age of sixty-nine," Jiraiya informed his pupil. "That is VERY rare for a ninja and an indication of how badass he was when he was younger. The Third had less than a tenth of the strength he had when he was Kakashi's age."

"Okay," said Naruto.

"Albus Dumbledore, the old guy in charge of this school?" asked Jiraiya, waiting for a nod from Naruto to continue. "He's well over a hundred years old."

"Whoa," said Naruto. "Pretty spry for an old guy."

"There are others around who are even older," noted Jiraiya, tapping another book on the table. "Wizards and witches seem to age a bit slower than ninja and kunoichi, though part of that may be that their lives seem a bit less violent."

"So what are you reading?" asked Naruto, not wanting to continue this lecture.

"Reading up on the wands and magic, what they can do," said Jiraiya, frowning as he turned his gaze back to the book. "It doesn't make a lot of sense. We ninja use handseals and the name of the technique to help us focus the chakra into a specific set of patterns. With this - it's almost like the magic recognizes the word and the wand gesture is to indicate a direction and the magic then handles the rest. Or that the jutsu is drawing energy from somewhere else. Not nature-energy or sage mode. Something else. They don't go much into the underlying mechanics at least in any of the books I've skimmed through so far, so I may be wrong. Or not. Still working on it."

"Well, apparently I gotta early lesson on broom-flying tomorrow," said Naruto with a shrug. "Then I got to go into this 'London' place. Some rule about students having to arrive by some 'express' thing."

"Yeah, I heard that, passed by Ottaline Gambol, and there's complaints about how some people are trying to get that rule dropped entirely," said Jiraiya, returning most of his attention to the book. There was a LOT of history here, especially compared to what he was used to. "Before you go get some sleep though, write out a mission report. Tomorrow I'm sending a toad to Tsunade to tell her what's going on."

* * *

"What kind of a name is 'Hogwarts' anyway?" asked Naruto, trying not to yawn as it was WAY too early. He was also having some trouble adjusting to local hours for some reason. "You really named a school after warts?"

"It was named after a certain breed of lily - a flower," said Madam Hooch. "Hand out."

"Right," said Naruto, putting his hand out in imitation of the teacher. "So a big old school was named after a flower?"

"The castle was named after the flower, and the school was named after the castle," said Madam Hooch. "Now say 'up.'"

Naruto blinked as the broom shot straight up into the teacher's hand. "Up?"

The broom rolled to the side.

"More forcefully," advised the teacher.

"Up!" tried Naruto, rewarded when the broomstick thwacked meatily into his hand.

"Right, next step is to get on like so," said Madam Hooch, demonstrating.

"Okay," said Naruto, duplicating the woman as best he could.

"Firm grip," instructed the teacher. "Good. Now shift your weight backwards while maintaining that grip."

"Got it," said Naruto, almost expecting to overbalance and fall off. Instead he felt his feet leave the ground.

"Excellent," said Madam Hooch, sounding pleased. "You're doing quite well for someone with no experience. Keep this up and we may arrive in London in time for a quick meal before you go boarding the train."

"Ramen?" asked Naruto hopefully.

"I believe I know a place that serves oriental dishes not far from the station," said Madam Hooch. "Whether they are open at this hour I am not as certain of."

"What's next?" asked Naruto.

"Now comes the fun part," said Madam Hooch.

* * *

Jiraiya would have preferred green tea, but apparently they didn't have any in stock at the moment. He'd quietly spoken to the house elves, asking politely as to the possibility of acquiring some.

Fifteen minutes later, and a copy of one of his books lighter, he'd been enthusiastically told that such would be acquired at the first opportunity.

Jiraiya wasn't sure why these little creatures were so surprised at his manner, he got the distinct impression that they'd expected him to be rather more demanding and less polite. Curious, that. Another piece of the puzzle to put aside at least for now.

So instead he was sipping a black tea (with cream and sugar - which was the recommended method from those house elves) and watching from a balcony as Naruto made an unsteady rise up off the ground while sitting on one of those flying brooms.

He lifted the camera he'd borrowed for just such a purpose and snapped a quick shot of the two rising up. That was one that should interest Tsunade.

The student and the teacher ascended into the darkness of the pre-dawn hours into the sky, going slowly at first but gaining speed as Naruto got the hang of whatever jutsu was involved.

Ah well, he needed to get busy too - even though classes actually started tomorrow there was quite a bit to get ready for that little event.

* * *

Once he was no longer in danger of running into a wall, Naruto had to admit something. Flying was fun.

Flying faster was more fun.

"Very good, Mister Uzumaki," called out Madam Hooch. "Just keep it slow for now. Under forty-five."

Forty-five what - now that was a question Naruto wanted the answer to.

"Yours is a Cleansweep Eleven," continued Madam Hooch. "Top speed is about seventy."

_Seventy what?_ Naruto asked himself before realizing that whatever they were, the top speed was twice what he was travelling at now. Which sounded most intriguing.

They spent some time just following the path of the tracks below them before Madam Hooch pulled closer and spoke to him again. "You seem to be a natural at this, Mister Uzumaki. The air spirits seem to like you. Time to speed it up a bit. Increase your speed slowly."

"YEEEEEEEHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

* * *

Madam Hooch struggled not to smile at the obvious enjoyment before she caught up with him again. "I do believe I said 'slowly' Mister Uzumaki!"

Madam Hooch kept an experienced eye out, having been hit (by accident admittedly) by an anti-aircraft shot once. An experience she'd come out of with an appropriate appreciation for "mere muggles" and their "toys" that would have earned her Voldemort's ire had he known of it.

Still, Mister Uzumaki had a Cleansweep Eleven that was for advanced students - mainly because of the quick acceleration and sturdy anti-friction charm. It wasn't as well equipped in the seat-pad-charm section as a broom designed specifically for long travels, but from what she'd observed - the youth wasn't all that inclined towards a soft lifestyle.

She'd been around a bit after all. To Rolanda Hooch, something about the two had translated as "specialist soldiers" to her eye. Speaking with them both had strengthened that initial observation. Rather like that secret agent fellow she'd met back in the '60s. Not nearly so dashing, but the same sort of feel on the older of the two.

"Ah, James," said Madam Hooch, remembering that fellow. A muggle of course, but rather attractive for all that.

Madam Hooch swooped near the boy. "We're going to practice braking and turning at speed now before we just dash on to the destination. Are you ready, Mister Uzumaki?"

"Born ready!"

Madam Hooch nodded, satisfied. Exactly the sort of attitude one needed for this sort of thing.

* * *

Naruto brought the broom up to the side of Madam Hooch's broom and stared at the scene before him.

He'd caught glimpses of large communities as he'd flown, following the tracks, but this was on a whole other level.

"London," said Madam Hooch. "We have an anti-sight charm, standard on these broomsticks, that keeps the muggles from getting more than a glimpse. We still have to keep relatively low though. Otherwise we might get picked up on a radar or some other gimmick, and then someone's got to go out and Obliviate and there's paperwork."

"Right," said Naruto. "Damn. I haven't seen a city this packed since... Heck, it's bigger than that!"

"London is rather a large place, eh?" asked Madam Hooch, feeling a stirring of national pride. "Where we're heading is King's Cross, a major hub in the railway system. I'll drop you off straight at the correct platform, try not to stray. Do you have your ticket?"

"Uhm," Naruto patted pockets, finally pulling the slip out. "Yeah."

"Good, keep track of that, you don't want to be caught without that," said Madam Hooch firmly. "Now let's see... there."

* * *

"Hmmm," hmmmed Jiraiya, brush poised over the scroll.

How to put this to Tsunade that the training journey had taken an unexpected turn?

This was a mission update report, and it all had to fit onto the scroll, and it all had to be coded with a standard cipher as this was NOT something to let anyone outside Tsunade know about it. So he had to be brief, professional, and without undue elaboration.

Ni-32 (Mission has gone into unexpected territory.)  
Ni-33 (Mission has REALLY gone FUBAR. No fatalities.)  
Za-9 (Uncharted territory, not part of Elemental Countries.)  
Ka-7 (Potentially valuable resources. Assessing.)  
Ya-11 (Infiltration mission underway. Have established identities.)  
Za-10 (Conflict upon arrival in foreign territory. Issue resolved.)  
Ku-1 (Arrived safely. Continuing mission.)  
Yu-1 (Further documentation sealed below, keyed to specific individual's chakra. Sensitive documents requiring secrecy, do not unseal unless in a secure location.)

Jiraiya paused and then reached for a camera that he'd borrowed from Madam Pomfrey "to send a few photos back with a 'arrived safely' message" - which was pretty much the truth just not all the truth.

* * *

Naruto settled into a compartment early on and remembered to use a henge, transforming to where he looked two years younger. Apparently the locals saw an enormous difference between an eleven year old and someone who was thirteen, for reasons that Naruto wasn't even going to spend a moment pondering.

No, he preferred broomstick travel to this method of transport - but he saw it as having a few pluses as well. For one thing, small flying bugs did NOT splatter themselves against your flying goggles or teeth while riding a train.

Waiting for things to start moving again, Naruto tried a magazine that had been left behind for whatever reason. It was apparently a 'muggle' publication as it had no moving pictures but DID have a lot of photographs.

He had no idea what "Private Eye" was about, since everything seemed to involve references to things he hadn't encountered yet or people he knew nothing about. He'd thought at first it might be about spying, since that was what the name had first suggested to him.

"That's an old edition anyway," said a slightly chubby kid as he entered the compartment.

"Uhm, okay," said Naruto as he finished putting the magazine away again.

The boy took a seat on the opposite side of the compartment and fidgeted briefly. "Uhm."

"Naruto Uzumaki. Pleased ta meetcha."

The boy blinked and looked up. "Oh. Yes. Neville Longbottom."

Naruto blinked and then decided to be kind and not snicker at that last name.

"Oh?" said a girl entering. "Hello."

"Naruto Uzumaki."

"Neville Longbottom."

"Longbottom, that's an old established wizarding family isn't it?" asked the girl. "Oh, and I'm Hermione Granger."

"Yes, yes, it is," said Neville, looking momentarily depressed and unsure of himself.

"Uzumaki though I've not heard of," said Hermione, turning thoughtful.

"Recently arrived," said Naruto.

"To England?" asked Hermione, perking up a bit. "Where from?"

"No place you've heard of, I'm sure," said Naruto, turning towards their other compartment-sharer. "What's wrong?"

"Oh, it's my toad, Trevor, he's gone missing," said Neville.

"Ah, your familiar's gone wandering off?" asked Hermione. "I suppose that might be a problem."

Naruto considered that and nodded. It was an excuse to go exploring. "Right. Kuchiyose no jutsu!"

"Yo!" said Gamakichi, appearing in a puff of smoke.

"A summon familiar spell without a wand?!" asked Hermione after she'd recovered from gaping at the sight.

"Whassup this time?" asked the orange toad.

"He's HUGE," observed Neville. "Trevor's only pocket-sized."

"You're overlooking that the toad is  talking," said Hermione, clearly intrigued.

"He's got a name, ya know," said Naruto. "Gamakichi."

"Oh terribly sorry," quickly apologized Hermione. "Gah-mah-key-chay?"

"Uhm, close enough," said the toad.

"Gamakichi, this guy's lost a toad named Trevor," said Naruto. "Can you find 'em?"

"Eh, I can have a look," said Gamakichi. "Not one of the toads I'm familiar with though."

Hermione glanced at the foreign-looking boy again, clearly someone she'd have to keep an eye on.

* * *

There was a brief flash.

"Professor Jiraiya?"

"Oh, I'm sorry, was that your bad side?" asked Jiraiya. "Though it seemed quite fine to me."

"Flattery will get you nowhere, Jiraiya," said Professor McGonagall drily.

"Wouldn't dream of it," said Jiraiya. "These are photos I'm sending back with an 'arrived safely' letter. Figured the office would appreciate a few shots of the people I'll be working with and the environment here in Hogwarts."

"Well, at least the weather is cooperating today," said the transfigurations professor. "If you don't mind though, as head of Gryffindor House - I've quite a bit more to do in preparation."

"Really? I'd rather have thought you the sort to have everything arranged and done and planned out in advance," noted Jiraiya aloud.

"Well," hesitated Minerva McGonagall before nodding. "Certainly that's true to a large extent, but there are always last minute details."

"Well, don't let me keep you," said Jiraiya, giving a light bow suitable for one's social equal.

"Uhm, yes, quite," said Minerva, finding herself slightly pleased, just a bit, at the exotic gesture. She covered it by using her Animagus transformation - which was also quite handy for getting across the often uncooperative stairwells.

"Interesting," said Jiraiya, getting a quick picture of the cat moving away.

"You're a spy, aren't you?"

Jiraiya paused and then regarded the figure which had spoken. At which point he completely by accident got two photos of the individual in question. "Who are you?"

"Nearly Headless Nick," stated the transparent figure floating in midair.

"And 'what' are you? Is that a spell I'm not familiar with?" asked Jiraiya.

"What? You've never seen a ghost?" asked Nick, thinking that was even stranger than being a spy investigating a school.

"Not like you at least," said Jiraiya as he examined the spirit carefully. "I've run into zombies before, bodies animated by a kinjutsu. Also a goryo once."

"A... goryo?" asked Nick, looking puzzled until he placed it and then slightly alarmed. "A ghost of vengeance, someone so wronged as they died that they came back to enact that revenge in bloodiest way possible?"

"Yeah," said Jiraiya. "Nasty sucker. If they have them here I may have to address that in my lesson plan."

"I would imagine so," said Nick. "I should point out that neither I nor any of the ghosts here at Hogwarts fall into that sort of company. Well, possibly Peeves, but he's mostly harmless. Other than him though - not at all."

"Of course," said Jiraiya. "We're having a civilized conversation here on a moving staircase in an old castle. I would already have dissipated your essence or stored you in a bottle were you a goryo."

"Oh," said the ghost, having heard a rumor or two. "I see. Ah, I have been remiss. I am Sir Nicholas de Mimsy-Porpington, alias 'Nearly Headless Nick' - the official ghost of Gryffindor House."

"Jiraiya, known by many as 'Jiraiya the Gallant'," said Jiraiya, giving a polite light bow.

"I see, yes," said Nearly Headless Nick. "Not a spy after all."

"Ah, but you see, I'm an author. Some people do get the two professions confused," said Jiraiya, not mentioning he was both since one was a cover for the other.

"Oh? Researching a novel?" asked Nick.

"Well, if things go well..." admitted Jiraiya. A writer must seek inspiration where one could find it after all.

* * *

"There's something this way," declared Gamakichi, opening a door and looking in. "No. Not quite. None of you are named Trevor, are you?"

Three individuals stared at the large toad for a moment.

Naruto stuck his head into the compartment. "Don't you have a better way of tracking a toad?"

"If I knew him at all, maybe," admitted Gamakichi.

"Is that... an animagus transformation?" asked one of the kids in the compartment.

"Sorry, looking for a toad some Neville guy lost," said Naruto. "Ya ain't seen one wandering around, have ya?"

"You're a bit of an idiot if your toad is better behaved than you," noted one kid.

Gamakichi puffed up slightly, having taken a near-instant dislike for all three on entering the compartment and then having this unwarranted insult thrown out was even less impressed. "My bad. I guess there's no toad here, just a couple of toadies."

"How dare you speak of Draco Malfoy like that!" demanded one.

"He was referring to you two I think," said the one who seemed to radiate 'rich spoiled kid' to Gamakichi. "Since the wizard is some uncouth mongrel, I hardly expect the familiar to be any better."

"Man, if Kiba was here, I think you guys'd be dog chow by now," said Naruto.

"Oh?" said the two thicker-set boys, getting up and moving forward. "I think you need to learn some manners, shortstuff."

Naruto blinked once as the two taller and heavier boys tried to look intimidating.

* * *

Jiraiya stopped at one of the moving portraits, looking around himself in confusion.

"Lost?" asked the figure in the painting.

"Yes, actually," admitted Jiraiya.

"The nearest bathroom is one floor down, take the Northernmost corridor and the third door on your right," advised the gentleman's image.

"Not what I was looking for, but I guess you get that question a lot," said Jiraiya easily.

"Well, the castle was built before a lot of modern innovations such as central heating and indoor plumbing, and wizards being generally slow to adapt Muggle innovations..." said the portrait.

"Right," said Jiraiya. "Whereas you've seen quite a lot yourself, haven't you?"

"Oh, I'm not that old," said the portrait. "Norvel Twonk, Order Of Merlin - First Class."

"Impressive," said Jiraiya, who had no idea what that meant but as it was clearly meant to sound impressive was quite ready to humor the moving picture.

"Quite quite," said Norvel. "Still, one talks to the other portraits and learns a few things here and there."

Jiraiya nodded. As he understood it, the moving photographs were basically a set of photographs that kept showing the same sequence of events over and over. The portraits on the other hand were a more advanced fuuinjutsu that had an impression of the personality of the person they depicted. That they were capable of learning things on their own was actually a little concerning to him. Were these spirits bound to the canvas? How did a fuuinjutsu LEARN and adapt? More things to research.

Just how handy would such a thing be to a ninja? Send a portrait to a rival Kage and have a spy hanging on their wall in plain sight? Be able to consult with past Kage office-holders as new problems and situations developed? Oh yes, he could see all SORTS of possibilities for that.

"You got quite a thoughtful expression there for a moment," said Norvel.

"There are a few things you've got here which I don't have in my homeland," admitted Jiraiya. "I expect that while I might be a teacher here - there will be much for me to learn as well."

Norvel nodded. "I find that is true of the best teachers. Good luck, young man. Now, where exactly was it that you were looking to go to?"

"Ah, that would be the classroom that I'll be teaching in. Defense Against the Dark Arts," said Jiraiya.

"Oh, you have gotten turned around haven't you?" said Norvel. "Just follow me, I'll show you to the right corridor."

Jiraiya watched the portrait's subject move to another portrait, excusing himself as he went by the couple depicted there. Yes, he could definitely see some uses for that.

* * *

He'd been taking his medicine. He'd noticed some things seemed to just sort of click together in his head.

Such as when one of the larger boys reached forward to shove him, how he'd seen Neji deal with an attack like that. You brought your hand up like so, deflecting their movement to the side while stepping in and then move like this.

The other was still trying to move forward, but Naruto simply lashed out with a backhand. Once these preliminaries were out of the way, he could see what these guys actually had.

Except that the one reaching for him was heading for the ground with a yelp and the other was bouncing off the wall and heading towards-

Naruto stared in confusion as the two kids who'd started towards him were now sprawled at his feet and groaning like they'd been in a tough fight.

"What the?!" said the rich kid. "Did both of you just trip?"

"Meh, let's go, Gamakichi. Guess that Trevor ain't here," said Naruto, feeling a great deal of disappointment at the fight that wasn't.

* * *

"You'll never guess who I saw," said Hermione, sounding slightly smug.

"Trevor?" asked Neville Longbottom hopefully.

"No," said Hermione, opening her mouth to follow that up.

"Tsunade?" asked Naruto.

"No," said Hermione, slightly puzzled for a second. "It was-"

"Sasuke Uchiha?"

"No. I'll tell you who it was," tried Hermione, taking a breath to blurt it all out.

"It wasn't Pervy-sensei, was it?"

Hermione directed a flat look towards her new associate. "No. It was Harry Potter."

"Who's that?" asked Naruto.

Both Neville and Hermione stared at Naruto as if they couldn't believe he'd asked that question.

"What?" asked Naruto. "I don't know the guy. Is he famous or something?"

"Or something," said Hermione, shaking her head. "He's the 'Boy Who Lived' after all."

"Oh, he lived through some really difficult fight?" asked Naruto.

"When he was just a baby, the Dark Lord Who Must Not Be Named tried to kill him," explained Hermione as if a barely-patient teacher to a slow student. "He survived but got a scar on his forehead."

"You saw the scar? I'm so jealous," said Neville.

"He got a scar in a fight when he was born?" asked Naruto. "Could have been worse."

"Well, yes," said Hermione, still sounding a bit put off. "Since the alternative would have been him dying like everyone else attacked by He Who Must Not Be Named - that really was the least of the two options."

"So this 'Must Not Be Named' guy is like Orochimaru?" asked Naruto. When the two looked at him with obvious cluelessness, he elaborated a bit. "Big bad guy, kills kids and just about anyone else he can't use, runs a sinister hidden organization, steals bodies, does lotsa weird stuff with snakes?"

"No of course..." Hermione stopped, considered, pondered a bit. "Actually, yes. It does sound a bit like your Oh-Roachie-Mah-Ru. I take it that wherever you come from is where this fellow is?"

"Yeah, fought him once, but he was WAY too strong for me to take on," said Naruto. "He gave a hickey to a member of my team, kidnapped him, and is after his body from what I understand."

"Oh dear," said Hermione, turning several shades of red and then pale and then even more red as she interpreted that.

"He's also got this weird jutsu, err 'spell', that makes his tongue stretch out to like three times his height, does weird stuff with it," said Naruto, thinking of things like picking up kunai and spitting out swords.

Hermione stumbled slightly, falling on her seat and staring. "That's disgusting!"

"Believe me, it's a LOT more disgusting to see it," confided Naruto. "We were taking a test in a forest when he snuck in and did all that. Nearly killed me and Sakura when he was giving Sasuke that hickey-mark."

Hermione made a face, looking especially pale. "That's HORRIBLE."

"Oh yeah, but Pervy-sensei is gonna train me and we'll get Sasuke back! Dattebayo!" Naruto clenched his fist and took the Dramatic Declaration Pose (page 493 of the Konoha Ninja Handbook dealing with interaction with potential clients) as he spoke.

"So, I take it you never saw Trevor either?" asked Neville.

"Nope," admitted Naruto. "Sorry, this mission was a total bust."

"'Mission'?" asked Hermione. "You make it sound as if you're a soldier of some kind."

"Ninja," corrected Naruto.

"You're not wearing black," pointed out Hermione.

"No, orange is much more awesome," said Naruto.

Hermione opened her mouth, considered, then decided the wisest course was just to drop the subject.

"What's a 'ninja'?" asked Neville.

"There are no ninja," stated Hermione. "They were quite thoroughly debunked on 'Mythbusters' you know."

There was brief silence after that as Naruto and Hermione took their seats.

Neville broke the silence. "What's a 'mythbusters'?"

possibly continued, i'm not a big Harry Potter fan but this is surprisingly amusing to write and so far has not accumulated any flames to dissuade me from continuing. 


	10. Pimp DADA Jiraiya 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just something to amuse. And yes - i am quite aware there are some anachronisms running about in this chapter.

 

 

 

**Another Fistful Of Omake**

by Greylle

DISCLAIMER: Naruto from Kishimoto, the Potterverse from JK Rowling.  
NOTE: One of the ideas i came up with for redoing the Shippuden thing. This got written because of the title. Not sure how far it would go, but having Jiraiya showing his competent side (instead of his comic relief side) had some appeal.

Omake 28: Pimp DADA Jiraiya, part 2

* * *

"So," said Neville after a few more miles of watching countryside go by. "You're not from London, I take it."

"No. That was that big city we were in, right?" asked Naruto.

"How could you not know about London?" asked Hermione.

"Not from around here," Naruto reminded them as he looked out the window.

"Where's your luggage anyway? Don't tell me you forgot to bring your school supplies," said Hermione, ready to show off how prepared she was.

Naruto fished in a pocket and pulled out a scroll. "Got it all right here."

Neville stared. "Where?"

"Right here," said Naruto, pointing at the scroll with the hand not currently occupied in holding it.

"You're holding a scroll," pointed out Hermione. "That's not going to be sufficient. You need a cauldron, for example."

"Right, it's in here," said Naruto, now moving the arm back and forth to further indicate the scroll he was holding in the other hand.

"That's not like one of those Mokeskin Bags is it?" asked Hermione, making a connection.

"Nah, this is just a Sealing Scroll," said Naruto. "I'm not as good as Pervy-sensei though. He can seal away LOTS more in one of these than I can."

Hermione looked at the scroll. A scroll that could be lifted easily in one hand. A scroll that this impossible boy said contained all his school supplies. She'd already decided that as soon as she could - she'd get something like that. She was now moving it up a couple of items on her 'to-do' list. "If that's true, then I would very much like to learn how to do that."

"Of course it's true," said Naruto. "Any ninja learns how to do this. Otherwise you'd be weighted down with all the stuff you need to take with you."

"But ninjas don't exist," said Hermione.

"If you listen to the Muggles, neither do wizards," pointed out Neville.

Hermione opened her mouth, visibly considered, closed her mouth, then nodded. "Point."

"Hello dears, anyone want something from the trolley?" asked a woman passing by their compartment.

"Got any ramen?" asked Naruto, on seeing what was obviously a food cart.

"Afraid not, but I DO have some Chocolate Frogs," said the woman. "I had to replenish my stocks after that one compartment bought me out."

"Oh?" asked Naruto, who then deflated a bit on realizing how little money he actually had. Which was to say he didn't have any money.

"Well, have a nice trip, dearies," said the woman, going past them. "Do you mind moving, child?"

Two large boys got up from where they'd been creeping down the corridor and rushed into the compartment.

"Oh, you two again," said Naruto. He frowned as he realized if these two hit him, they'd likely dispel his henge.

"You can't beat us again," said one.

"We're ready for your tricks," said the other.

"I kinda doubt that," admitted Naruto. "Still, if you want to fight. Kage Bunshin No Jutsu!"

_BAMF!_

The two looked at the six Naruto standing there looking confident and decided that maybe they needed to rethink their strategy.

"Wait? What?" asked Naruto. "They're running away?"

"You didn't use a wand for that either," noted Hermione. "What did you do anyway?"

"My favorite jutsu... I mean spell," explained Naruto. "Multiple Shadow Clone."

Hermione reached out and touched one. Then reached out and touched another. "They're... solid? You can actually be in two places at once?"

"More like six places at once," noted Neville, who was quite capable of counting. "That's awesome."

Hermione's eyes lit up. "You could take multiple classes at the same time!"

"Uhm, I suppose," said Naruto, who had certainly never thought of that sort of application of the technique.

"You could attend your classes while sleeping in late," said Neville.

"I suppose," repeated Naruto, who didn't think that'd quite work but wasn't going to argue the point.

* * *

"Right then," said a very large fellow with a lantern at the train's stop. "First years, this way please."

"Wish I could just fly in," grumped Naruto.

"It's tradition," said Neville, still looking around for his toad. "First years have to do it the hard way. Not that the train's particularly bad."

"Why, do you have a 'jutsu' that lets you fly?" asked Hermione.

"Nah, I got a few lessons on one of them broom-thingies," said Naruto. "That was cool."

"Well, of course, not all of the students are going to be 'ninja' and have access to such things," said Hermione. "I've been over the basic spells and there's nothing really to help with that."

"After all," continued Neville. "They really managed to clean up the Express since the mold monster attacked. Even have an anti-fungal charm installed. Just don't don't use compartment twelve if you have allergies."

"I've already studied the anti-histamine spell," stated Hermione proudly.

"Just watch that one, makes you drowsy," said Neville. "My gram used it on me a few times."

"Come on, first years, don't be shy." The really big guy was waving on the group of kids. "Come on now. Hurry up. Hello, Harry."

"Hello, Hagrid."

"Oh, that must be Harry Potter then," said Neville, going to tiptoe to get a better look.

Naruto glanced over but all he saw was a bunch of kids that looked mostly the same and all dressed the same. There was a bench nearby that read 'Hogsmeade' and made him wonder why the locals liked pigs so much.

"Right then. This way to the boats. Come on, follow me."

"Takes all day to get here then got to do a boat ride, but it only took six or seven hours by broom," grumbled Naruto as he followed the little kids.

The boats were crowded, had a bit of water down at the bottom, and Naruto was absolutely convinced that there was something in the water watching them.

"There, I saw it move," said Naruto, pointing.

"That's just the giant squid," said Hagrid from two boats over, noticing the boy that was pointing. "He's just keeping an eye on you in case someone slips overboard."

"To eat?" asked Naruto, wondering if he should be ready to throw a few explosive-tipped kunai into the water just as a precaution.

"To eat? What? NO!" Hagrid fixed the boy with a stare. "Don't insult the poor thing. She's got feelings too you know."

"Uhm, right," said Naruto, sitting back down from where he'd risen to a crouch.

"And don't go rocking the boat," instructed Hagrid.

"Yes, please don't do that," Hermione instructed him from her own boat. "I'm not sure what the 'ninja' custom is - but I would prefer to be dry when we arrive at the castle."

"Hmmm," hmmmed Naruto, figuring that most of them probably didn't know the water-walking technique.

"There's no such thing as 'ninja'," scoffed the rich-looking kid he'd met while looking for a toad. "Even if there were, everyone knows the Japanese wizards don't amount to much."

"Oh boy," said Hagrid. "Look! Hogwarts Castle. See that spot there? That's where the... no. I can't tell you about that one. Too young. Uhm, that spot there on the main tower! That's where Gellert Grindenwald fought Albus Dumbledore way back in the '40s."

"1945," came Hermione's voice. "And that was in France."

"Who's telling this story?" asked Hagrid.

"So that's where we're staying? Wicked," said a ginger-haired boy.

"I thought your brothers went there, haven't you seen pictures before?" asked some other boy.

"It's different seeing it in person," complained the ginger-haired boy.

* * *

"What I want to know is. Why we don't have a magic elevator or escalator or something. Feels like we've gone up seven flights of stairs so far."

"Oi, this lot," grumbled Hagrid.

"That's about right actually, if you don't count the stairs that are inside the castle," said some girl's voice from the crowd.

"Well, at least Naruto stopped running on the walls, leaping about and all," complained Neville.

"Not my fault you guys are so slow," grumped Naruto.

"Finally the main doors," said another tired-sounding voice as they came up to where one of the teachers was waiting.

"Welcome to Hogwarts," said the teacher. "Shortly you'll pass through these doors and join your classmates. But before you take your seats, you must be sorted into your houses."

"Oh yeah, that house-thingie," said Naruto, wincing thereafter because everyone spent a moment looking at him. Including that teacher who had the sort of bit-into-something-sour look that Iruka-sensei had given him a few times. "Sorry."

"Ahem. Yes," said the teacher. "They are Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, and Slytherin. While you're here, your house will be like your family. Your triumphs will earn you points. Any rule-breaking and you will lose points."

Naruto fidgeted. Different culture, so he'd likely be breaking lots of rules before he even knew there was a rule involved.

"At the end of the year," continued the teacher, "the house with the most points wins the house cup."

"TREVOR!"

"That's the scrawniest toad I've ever seen," noted Naruto as he saw Neville pounce on the thing.

"Sorry," said Neville as he retreated back to the crowd with his toad.

Naruto wondered if he could summon Gamakichi and have him talk to 'Trevor' toad-to-toad. Maybe teach him a few things.

"The Sorting Ceremony will begin momentarily," said the teacher, still with the 'bit-into-something-sour' look before she turned and walked away.

"It's true then," said the rich-looking kid with the two toadies. "What they were saying on the train. Harry Potter has come to Hogwarts."

There was a lot of muttering at that amongst the crowd.

"This is Crabbe and Goyle. And I'm Malfoy," said the kid, moving forward to stand on the step above the kid he was talking to. "Draco Malfoy."

The ginger-haired kid snickered though it looked like he was trying to hold it in.

"Think my name's funny, do you?" The rich kid looked down with a sneer at the ginger-hair. "No need to ask yours. Red hair and a hand-me-down robe? You must be a Weasley."

There was just something in that sneering nasty manner that rubbed Naruto the wrong way. Maybe it was remembering too many villagers with that attitude. In fact, Naruto realized that the rich kid wasn't seeing the ginger as a person. Now THAT he had issue with. Naruto began to move forward.

Crabbe and Goyle glanced away at the movement, saw who it was, and froze in place with their expressions changing from smirks to 'oh hell' very rapidly.

That caused Draco to glance that way and frown himself. "And our 'ninja' is here too."

"I never told ya I was a ninja," said Naruto, remembering he was supposed to be working a cover. Not that it was most likely completely hopeless to hide it at this point.

"Some half-breed wizardling from some inferior family no doubt, but you  may be of use," said Draco, before turning back. "So how about it, Potter... Potter?"

"How about what?" asked Naruto, now considerably closer.

"Oh, you're over there," said Draco, noting that Potter was just a bit further away. "You'll find that some wizarding families are better than others. Better connected. Better equipped. Also just - better. You don't want to go making friends with the wrong sort."

"Huh, I'd say you're the wrong sort," said Naruto, leaning against a wall.

Draco spared a moment to glare at the foreign kid before stepping forward towards Potter. "I can help you there."

"I think I can tell the wrong sort for myself, thanks," said Potter.

"Yup," said Hagrid, still in the background watching. Something told him that if the foreign kid got into a fight with any of the other first-years, there'd be little bits of the first year they'd be fishing up from the Black Lake for the next year. There were creatures in the Forbidden Forest that had that sort of air about them. Perfectly willing to let you do whatever you want until you riled 'em up, at which point it wouldn't be pretty at all.

The teacher came back, tapped Draco on the shoulder, then indicated the doors. "This way."

* * *

Tsunade considered the photos, which seemed to depict the same minute or so being replayed constantly.

"My lady," said Shizune, looking over what was going on in one.

"Shizune. This is classified an SS-Class Secret as of NOW," said Tsunade, one finger thumping the desk with a sound of doom.

"'SS' class?!" asked Shizune.

"NOBODY gets told any of this without my direct authorization. NOBODY." Tsunade met her apprentice's eyes.

"Why?" asked Shizune.

Tsunade went over each code phrase, translating on the fly. "Mission has gone into unexpected territory. Mission has Fouled Up Beyond All Recognition. No fatalities. Not within the Five Great Shinobi Nations or Elemental Countries. They are assessing potential resources in unfamiliar territory, treating this as an infiltration mission. There was a conflict on arrival, since resolved and they are now using cover identities. The sealed documentation are these photographs."

"Yes, My Lady, I see - but why so classified for a few photographs?" asked Shizune.

Tsunade tapped down with one finger, then flicked a photograph towards her first apprentice.

"That's..." Shizune stared at it, then reached down and picked up the photo she'd seen earlier to compare the two.

"Exactly," answered Tsunade. "I just wish there was some way to send someone there."

"Why not just send back a message by toad messenger?" asked Shizune. "We could just wait for the next toad to arrive and have an outgoing message ready."

"Because we have Naruto Uzumaki and Jiraiya performing delicate diplomatic duties in that case."

Shizune tried to picture Naruto being delicate and diplomatic. The mind just failed to link those concepts.

"Though the idea about having a return message ready is good," said Tsunade, rummaging through her desk drawers. "I know I've got a blank scroll somewhere around here."

* * *

Naruto tried not to fidget.

"-which I read about in 'Hogwart's - A History'," bragged Hermione.

"Yeah, so it's a genjutsu huh?" asked Naruto, glancing up and trying to do that dispel thing he'd heard about. Unfortunately that and regular bunshin remained on his list of "can't do at all" jutsu.

"No, it's just an illusion," said Hermione. "No gems are involved. Well, I suppose the casting of it to make it permanent could have. It would make the stars easier to represent, I suppose. I..."

"Ahem, first years!" said the teacher with the well-practiced bit-into-something-sour look. However, she was directing it at someone other than Naruto, which made it all a lot better as far as Naruto was concerned.

"You're to be sorted into your Houses," said the teacher. "They are, as I said before, Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Slytherin, and Ravenclaw."

"Right!" said the hat on the chair. "Shall we get started?"

"Anxious, are we?" asked the teacher who'd spoken earlier. "We haven't even introduced the staff."

"Can't you do that afterwards? It always makes more sense that way," stated the hat, sounding very put upon even though it was currently not being worn. Or perhaps that was why.

"Well, I suppose," said the teacher, sounding as if she wasn't quite sure what was going on.

"Then I can get back to those lovely novels," muttered the hat to itself.

"What was that?" asked the teacher.

"Oh, nothing. Nothing at all. Just anxious to get this done and see if perhaps someone can sew up a section on the tip here. I think I'm thinning a bit there."

"Oh, yes, well," said the teacher. "Susan Bones!"

Naruto was not at all sure about this, and so was just looking around while they got this boring stuff over with.

It wasn't like anyone had even explained this stuff about these 'House' things anyway. What was the big difference?

He DID hear that 'Malfoy' kid get tossed into Slytherin House, which was represented by a snake. So kind of like Orochimaru had a house-thingie.

Everyone started whispering when the hat went onto the head of that "Harry Potter" guy and then the hat just seemed to move around a bit this way and that before it finally declared "Better be - Gryffindor!"

Which made the Gryffindor people kinda happy for some reason.

"Naruto Uzumaki."

Naruto startled as he realized that everyone else had been called. "Oh right."

The hat went onto his head.

"My goodness," said the hat in a whisper. "You're VERY Hufflepuff aren't you?"

"Is that a good thing?" asked Naruto.

"Hufflepuff are known for being hard-workers, but also being fiercely protective of their friends, and are reliable. When a Hufflepuff says they'll do something - they're most likely going to bloody well do it."

Naruto nodded slightly, not wanting the hat to fall off. "Okay. That sounds like me. What are the others?"

"Slytherin are those who seek power, who set themselves a goal and will do anything to get there."

"Sounds like an Orochimaru kind of thing," admitted Naruto.

"From what I can see in your memory, he'd have fit right in," said the hat. "Gryffindor is about bravery and often recklessness. You'd likely have fit in well there as well. Ravenclaw is about calm and planning and thinking things out. That would have been the poorest fit, I think."

"Okay then," whispered back Naruto.

"Hufflepuff it is then!" said the hat aloud.

* * *

Naruto made a face. No ramen. No rice. Lots of heavy foods with lots of meat.

"Not what you're used to, is it?" asked one of the others at the Hufflepuff table.

"Uhm, no, not at all," admitted Naruto.

"Cedric Diggory," said the older student, holding out a hand. After seeing Naruto stare at it, he prompted. "British custom. You take the hand in your own and shake it once as a form of greeting."

"Oh, right," said Naruto, feeling a bit dumb as he just hadn't connected it. "Just so much different stuff going on right now. So you're my sempai in this House thing?"

"Sempai?" asked Cedric as that term hadn't translated.

"How to explain it?" asked Naruto of himself. "Kind of like a student in a higher grade that the younger student looks up to?" Despite that he was actually older than this kid if you removed the henge.

"Yes," said Cedric with a nod. "A 'sempai' - heard that phrase before but I'm not remembering where."

"Probably some Japanese series," said a redheaded girl nearby. "I've heard the term used myself."

"Ah, Susan Bones, right?" asked Cedric.

"Right, some muggle films and series made the rounds at a school I was at." Susan picked at some fried potato dish on her plate. "I think it means 'upperclassman' or something."

"Ah, then yes, I'm your sempai then," said Cedric. "So you know the new Defense Against The Dark Arts teacher?"

"Jiraiya-sensei? Yeah." Naruto considered what he could actually tell them about him.

"So what can you tell us about him?" asked Susan Bones, quite obviously interested.

"He's... well," said Naruto. "He was the one to teach me the Rasengan."

"Raas-ehn-gahn?" asked Susan. "I see I need to keep a translation spell running around you."

* * *

"So, let me see if I've got it right," said Jiraiya. "Each of the Houses represents a quality of their founders, an element, and is otherwise a dormitory and common area for their students. The House is essentially an extended family-away-from-family that they will interact with from September to July."

"Early September to mid-July, and each Term is broken by a Half-Term Break. Autumn Term, for example, runs from the start of school to mid-December." Professor Flitwick nodded. "I take it the school system you're used to is rather more... intense?"

"Sort of," said Jiraiya. "When it was set up, there were intercessions by various clans and factions so the whole thing ended up with a lot of exceptions and limitations. Then Sarutobi got involved and re-did the system so that the rest of the students could just continue on with each clan having responsibility for teaching their own clan's spells and special techniques with allowances for that time away from the group school for such things."

"So it runs year-round then?" asked Flitwick.

"Yeah, there's a couple of holidays in there but pretty much," admitted Jiraiya. "Back to the Houses. Hufflepuff is hard work, kindness, tolerance, friendship? Also the element of earth?"

"Yes, basically," admitted Flitwick.

"Gryffindor is courage and the element of fire?" Jiraiya continued at Flitwick's nod. "Slytherin is ambition and water?"

"Yes, that's right," admitted Flitwick.

"Intelligence and creativity for the Ravenclaw, element of air?" asked Jiraiya.

"Yes, that's my own House," admitted Filius Flitwick.

"What about Lightning element?" asked Jiraiya.

"Lightning isn't an element, Mister Jiraiya," said Flitwick.

"In my land, there is," said Jiraiya, counting them off on his fingers. "Fire, Earth, Air, Water, Lightning. Everyone has a particular affinity for an element as well - and once they've gotten to the stage where they can regularly use magic they can learn and manipulate that element better than they can other elements."

"Hmmm," hmmmed Flitwick. "You know, I've noticed that some students always have more problems with certain spells than others. I wonder if this 'affinity' that you speak of could have a part in that."

"What's your affinity, Mister Jiraiya?" asked Minerva McGonagall, who'd been sitting nearby all this time.

"Primarily earth," said Jiraiya. "Though like many of my contemporaries I've also mastered a secondary and have worked at other elements to bring them up a bit."

"I would have thought fire," said Minerva, remembering an acromantula that had been fried crispy without a scorchmark on the wall behind it.

"That's one of the things I have to train Naruto in," said Jiraiya. "He has a lot of magical power, but his control is a bit shoddy."

Rolanda Hooch leaned closer from her position on the other side of McGonagall. "Be as that may, he's a natural on the broomstick. You might want to see if the boy's up to playing Quidditch."

Jiraiya tried to look thoughtful, all the while trying to remember what he'd read about it. It was a game, but he'd dismissed it after a few references because:  
1) there were NO organized sports in the Five Elemental Countries. A few contests, but even the idea of organized sports was a strange one to Jiraiya.  
2) the rules seemed improbably silly.

"Well, it doesn't matter," said Minerva McGonagall. "We'll all be busy enough settling down the classes for at least the first week."

* * *

"So what's with that one guy?"

"Uzumaki? Japanese transfer student as I understand it."

Jiraiya paused in his movement along the hallways, as he immediately wondered how much of his cover Naruto had blown.

"Oh, the 'ninja' guy. Really pathetic."

"I was kind of wondering how he was bouncing off the walls. Literally. And walking up them? He was pacing on the ceiling for crying out loud."

"Probably just some magic shoes or something."

Jiraiya nodded and passed the two without them ever detecting his presence. Best to go ahead and get things ready. Tomorrow would be a big day after all.

* * *

"At last," said the Sorting Hat as it was returned to a cabinet. "Time to read."

"Read?" asked Dumbledore. "What exactly are you reading?"

"I was having a nice chat with that Jiraiya fellow yesterday before the ceremony, I mentioned how boring it tends to be when I'm just thrown into a cupboard for months at a time. He tossed a couple of books into me that he'd written. Nice fellow."

Dumbledore raised an eyebrow. "He wrote books? Well now. I might have to take a look myself at those later. I'll leave the cupboard open a crack so you've some light."

* * *

"Greetings," said Jiraiya, sitting down at the edge of his desk and observing the class. "Welcome to 'Defense Against The Dark Arts 101' - I am Jiraiya, called by some 'The Gallant'. Any questions before we begin?"

"Yes, actually, all the paperwork we had showed a Professor Quirrell as being the teacher?" said a student.

"Oh? Herumionei Guranjure is it?" asked Jiraiya after checking a seating arrangement. Handy thing that, as soon as a student sat down - their name popped up on the paper. He'd have to find out what kind of fuuinjutsu was involved. So much to investigate!

"Hermione Granger sir," corrected the girl amongst giggles and snorts from some of her classmates.

"Still a few bugs in the translation effect," noted Jiraiya. "Well, Professor Quirrell suffered from a little run-in with the Dark Arts that he really needed better Defenses against. He's now dealing with the consequences of that and most likely will not return to teaching here."

"Oh," said Hermione.

"It's the DADA-curse," muttered one of the other students. Jiraiya glanced at the seating arrangement and noted it was the "Neville Longbottom" that he'd heard Snape mutter something uncomplimentary about.

"Actually," said Jiraiya aloud, "it's a quite understandable danger. As the course is about defending against hostile magic, you're pretty much a target of first choice FOR hostile magic. They'd want you out of the way before going after the easier targets."

"That. That actually makes sense," muttered another student that Jiraiya didn't bother to look up.

"So, don't throw away your books, we'll get to them in time," instructed Jiraiya. "Now, open question. What is the best defense against a powerful jutsu or spell being used against you?"

"Protego!" said Hermione.

"Finite Incantatem?" asked Neville.

"Stupefy," said Draco Malfoy.

"Good answers, but not the one I was looking for," said Jiraiya. "The best defense is not being where the attack is going. Avoidance should be your first instinct. Avoid the attack, giving yourself time to ascertain what the situation is, then plan what countermeasure to take. If you can completely avoid combat - great. Sometimes you can't though."

"Excuse me, Professor," said the one the seating sheet identified as Draco Malfoy. "What exactly are YOUR credentials in knowing about Dark Arts?"

"You challenging me?" asked Jiraiya, apparently cleaning one ear with a pinky.

"I heard you don't even have a wand," noted Draco, standing up and trying to assess this teacher.

"That so?" said Jiraiya, who then vanished.

"What?" asked Draco, who then squeaked like a little girly mouse when a hand came down on his shoulder from behind him.

"You lose," said Jiraiya. "In a real fight, magical or otherwise, this would be over. If your first move is to pull out and brandish your wand, that's the amount of time your opponent has to finish you off before you can ready a defense. If that enemy is using a wand - it is already out. If it's an innate ability - like an acromantula's speed and poison bite, then it may already be too late for you to respond. At which point I hope one of your friends has an anti-poison charm. Understood?"

"Yes sir," managed Draco.

"I didn't even see him move!" said one of the students.

"Understand that in my homeland I've survived a war of what you'd call wizards," said Jiraiya, moving back to the desk. "A war without front lines, without rules of combat. A war where anyone or anything could be an enemy under a disguise or camouflage. Your ally today could be your enemy tomorrow, though the reverse could also be true. I saw many promising 'wizards' and 'witches' die, their family lines dying out with them. I've seen the carrion crows coming down to feed on fields sown with human corpses and watered with blood."

There were a few shudders and a couple of the kunoichi, Jiraiya mentally corrected himself to 'witches', looked a bit pale. Good. If there were the equivalent of missing-nin and rogues they'd be more likely to survive with a bit of caution.

"How many?" asked Neville Longbottom, looking a bit pale himself.

"In the last war, the Third Shinobi World War, I myself only killed about two hundred enemy combatants," said Jiraiya. "My team-mate at the time killed over three times that. It's almost two generations later and the numbers of active personnel is still less than half what it used to be."

"'Shinobi'? Then you're with that kid who walks on ceilings?" asked a redhead. Ah, the seating chart said he was a "Ron Weasley" then.

"He's my apprentice," said Jiraiya. "I knew his parents. Both of whom died the day he was born."

"The war?" asked Ron, swallowing nervously as this brought the whole mass-dying-off thing home.

"Not quite," said Jiraiya. "Though possibly related. Naruto is admittedly a loudmouthed, overconfident, sometimes completely exasperating student. Takes after his mother like that. I expect him to be extremely powerful eventually. Like his mother and father."

"If they were so powerful, and they knew your teachings, how come they still died?" That was that Draco Malfoy kid. Give him points for not still being intimidated at least.

"Because, Draco Malfoy," said Jiraiya, meeting the young boy's gaze. "People die. Everyone does at some point. There are enemies that will wait until you are at your weakest, when you are overwhelmed by other concerns - and they will move with overwhelming force to strike you down. THAT is the environment that both I and Naruto come from. Any more questions about why I think I'm qualified to teach you about surviving?"

Draco seemed a bit subdued, seeing something in those eyes regarding him.

"So, Naruto Uzumaki lost his parents to someone using Dark Arts," muttered the person the seating chart had labelled as "Harry Potter" - oh THAT kid. "Was he marked by the event as well?"

"Yes, you could definitely say that," agreed Jiraiya softly. "He carries his own burden from that day, and it's a heavy one that only he can bear. And it was his resolve to protect others, to protect his 'precious people' - that got me to agree to take him as an apprentice. Now, I think it's time we went over the most basic defensive measures. Try to be aware of your environment at all times. If you needed to take shelter right now, an enemy throwing fireballs at you for example, what would you do?"

* * *

Naruto noticed the redhead watching him. "So, you know something about 'ninja'?"

"Just what I've seen in some anime series," said Susan Bones.

"Ah-Ni-Mei?" asked Naruto.

"Ah, it's a Japanese artform that gets exported like sushi and ramen," said Susan. "Not all wizards attend non-magical schools but I did prior to coming here. There was a club a friend of mine was in. Her mother was into it too. Cosplayer even, if you can believe it."

"Uhm, right," said Naruto, clearly lost in the terms that didn't translate.

"I saw the Ninja Scroll movie, a bit messy for my tastes," said Susan. "But I'm told not all their series are nearly so bad."

"I think I'd like to see that," said Naruto, figuring the movie probably dealt with fuuinjutsu.

"Can't do it here, no muggle technology works at Hogwarts, part of the defensive spells they've got going," said Susan. "I've been wondering how they keep from showing up on satellites though. I expect it'll be a problem in a few years."

"So where could I see this annie-stuff?" asked Naruto, more curious now that it was apparently forbidden.

"Well, Hogsmeade might be safe, that's nearby and when we have a holiday we can go down there," said Susan. "If not there, you'd have to wait for the end of school year-"

Naruto straightened up as the teacher arrived. It was that one guy from earlier.

"Uzumaki," said Professor Snape. "Know that your being a transfer student from very far abroad will not grant you any special treatment. Try to keep up."

"Right," said Naruto.

* * *

"'Ninja Scroll'?" asked Jiraiya. "Some sort of film about fuuinjutsu then?"

"I'm not entirely sure," said Naruto. "We'd have to be able to leave the school to investigate, and we can't do that cause you went and made us students!"

Jiraiya stared at Naruto.

Naruto grumped back at him.

"Naruto? There's a way around that," said Jiraiya gently.

"Huh? What?" asked Naruto.

Jiraiya stood up and made a hand seal. "Kage Bunshin No Jutsu!" _Pa-domf!_

"Eh?!" said Naruto. "What good does that do?"

"You've taken your meds today, right?" asked Jiraiya.

"Yeah, what's that got to do with it?" asked Naruto.

"So you remember that everything your clone experiences, you'll remember when that clone is dismissed, right?" asked the second Jiraiya.

"That, basically, this is a situation for a spy mission and shadow clone was MADE for spy missions," said original Jiraiya. "Now finish your homework, and in the morning make one clone and meet me near the main door. I'll just clear it with Dumbledore tonight before it gets much later."

"Oh," said Naruto.

"I'll get on that now," said Jiraiya-clone. "While I'm at it tomorrow, I think I'll try swinging by some food supplier and see if we can get some rice and other supplies. The food here is entirely too rich."

"You've got money to spend somehow?" asked Naruto.

"I've spoken with the other teachers, and I have a couple of ideas regarding that," admitted the original Jiraiya as the clone left. "Oh, and some green tea. The house elves think they can get ahold of some, but they seem really overworked. Maybe get some little candies or something we can leave out for them as thank-you notes."

"'House Elves'?" asked Naruto.

"Later, gaki. Get to your homework. We'll talk at greater length tomorrow. Or rather - our clones will. Oh, and try not to blow up any more cauldrons. They're way too pricey."

* * *

"Ah yes," said Dumbledore. "The ability to make copies of yourself that seem completely real. I'd ask you to keep this ability quiet as much as possible."

"The teachers have already seen it, Naruto tends to use it a lot," noted Jiraiya. "So you want to keep that from the students."

"There are students who are quite a handful enough without having one try to duplicate that particular spell," said Dumbledore.

"So you're worried one might work out a wand-magic version," noted Jiraiya, rubbing his jaw while he thought. "I'll speak to Naruto about it. The technique has a couple of problems in the current form that can't be overcome, so I'm not sure it's even possible to do it. No, you're right. Best not to have some of the students experimenting and seeing if they could do the same thing."

* * *

She took a deep breath, raised her wand and incanted. "Shadow Clown No Joosue!"

Absolutely nothing happened. The same as the last six times she'd tried it.

Hermione Granger frowned at the floorboards then put her wand away and tried again without it. "Shadow Clown No Joosue!"

"What exactly are you doing, bookworm?" asked one student sharing her room.

"The ninja boy used a spell to make copies of himself," muttered Hermione. "If I could do that - I could attend the assigned Divination class AND Ancient Runes. I could do my homework AND study at the library."

"You could go shopping AND sleep in late AND do the required classes," noted her roommate. "And if the teachers ever caught you - they'd assign twice the homework to keep you occupied."

Hermione blinked and frowned as she considered that. "I suppose that's possible."

* * *

Night at Hogwarts. Spooky old halls without any light except that which one carried. Portraits that were trying to sleep. A small rat scurrying along on some business of its own. The caretaker grumbling to himself as he went about his late night rounds.

The Fat Friar made his rounds. Ghosts didn't need to sleep after all. They COULD and frequently DID sleep, but the biological need for sleep had passed along with all the other parts involving having an actual biology.

"What's a 'ninja' anyway? Foreign word," muttered the Friar.

Sir Nicholas de Mimsy-Porpington frowned as he considered the term. "You know, I am not entirely certain. I believe it refers to the ancient order of knighthood that stood around saying 'nin' a lot."

"Did they walk on ceilings and such?" asked the Friar.

"They could have," noted Sir Nicholas.

"Were they the ones that were guarding that cave with that specimen of _Oryctolagus horrificus_ back in the day?" asked the Friar.

"Very likely it was them," agreed Sir Nicholas.

"Ah, the Buzzsaw Bunny," said one of the portraits on the wall as they passed it. "I remember it, like it was yesterday."

"Remember what?" asked Sir Nicholas.

"I forget," answered the portrait.

"Useless," said Sir Nicholas as the two ghosts continued moving.

"I've observed that Jiraiya fellow, who apparently can tell where I am even when I'm in a wall or possessing a statue," noted the Friar.

"Which statue? Not that one of -" Sir Nicholas' voice trailed off as he made a gesture indicating he was cradling melons to his chest.

"Oh hardly that, no not at all, wouldn't be proper," said the Friar. "That bust of Sir Patrick Delaney-Podmore."

"Oh, that," said Sir Nicholas. "Never liked that."

"Going to have to be replaced, it got decapitated by some little knife," said the Friar. "That Jiraiya fellow could tell I was there somehow and threw this little knife right through the neck of the statue. Don't think he even noticed - he was so completely engrossed in reading some First Year textbook and making notes."

"Diligence in a teacher is to be admired," said Sir Nicholas. "Especially considering some of the other sorts we've had over the years."

"True, but it doesn't seem very 'knightly' to be throwing little knives at people just because they're spying on you," said the Friar.

"You be careful now," Sir Nicholas explained to the Friar. "I've heard he sealed some malign ghost that had appeared into a little bottle and handed it off to Dumbledore to put on a shelf. I have no desire myself to be sealed away in much of anything. Think how boring that would be."

"I might not mind," said the Friar after a pause. "If it was a really good bottle of something strong. It HAS been a long time since I've been able to eat or drink. I rather miss that."

* * *

Dumbledore was curious enough, so he managed to be present.

That two other members of the facility were present was just an indication that some of the portraits were just not capable of restraining their inclination towards gossip.

Minerva McGonagall looked down from the staircase at where Professor Jiraiya was meeting up with that Uzumaki student. "So what is this about a spell that we need to-"

_POOF! POOF!_ There was abruptly two Jiraiya and two Naruto standing there.

"-try and keep restricted. Never mind," finished Professor McGonagall.

"They call it 'kage bunshin'," Dumbledore said, leaning slightly towards her but speaking in such a way that Professor Flitwick could hear as well. "Which they describe as 'shadow clone' - where they make an exact duplicate of themselves who can then report back all their experiences."

"Oh. That's not good." Professor Flitwick shook his head. "Can you imagine what it would be like with those Weasley twins if they could do that? They'd always have an alibi and be up to all sorts of mischief."

"Precisely," agreed Dumbledore.

_POOF! POOF!_

Now there was Naruto and Jiraiya, and an entirely different pair of individuals nearby.

"I didn't see them use a Polyjuice Potion, did you?" asked Professor Flitwick.

"No, I did not," said Professor McGonagall.

"Let's keep that particular spell from the general populace as well," said Dumbledore. "Though I believe that's the same one that young Naruto uses to fit in more with the First Years."

* * *

"Iruka Umino, right?" asked the Jiraiya clone in his new form, looking over Naruto's henge.

"Yeah, who's the guy you're impersonating? I don't recognize him," noted Naruto.

"Someone I saw in one of those magazines Professor Burbage reads," said Jiraiya's clone. "So I'll call you Iruka or Umino while we're on this mission. You try and act like Iruka Umino would in these situations, instead of like yourself. I'll try to act like this 'Sean Connery' fellow and answer to that name."

"Why?" asked "Iruka" with a Naruto-ish manner.

"Training," said "Sean Connery" as he raised an eyebrow at the faux-chunin. "This is a basic infiltration mission. We're going to Hogsmeade and have a look around. On an infiltration mission, you have to try and remain in character at all times. That includes answering to a name not your own."

"Gotcha," said Iruka, trying to slip into the role.

"So the real me and the real you will be going to classes," said Sean. "While  we go and see what we can learn about the ninja of THIS world."

"Well, let's get going!" said Iruka eagerly.

"Does Iruka Umino ever say things like that?" asked Sean, pursing his lips and looking very skeptical.

"Oh. Right. 'Stay in character.' Gotcha." Iruka shook his head. "This is harder than it looks."

"If it was easy, civilians would do it. In fact, some DO - they're called 'actors' and we ought to get going," said Sean. "I've got enough chakra to pull off one clone for an extended period but I figure by noon I'd better dispel to cut down on mental fatigue."

"Can we fly broomsticks then?" asked Naruto.

"Nah, I haven't had time to try and learn those," said Sean. "Though I will. Once I have a better chance to study."

* * *

Author Notes: Due to problems at the Addventure, updating over there is currently impossible. Working on workarounds.

Changed the "David Tennant" bit to "Sean Connery" due to comments.

and as i've certainly hinted repeatedly, there's a translation effect that doesn't always work 100%, so Hermione IS running into problems. Considering that there's a god of mischief involved, naturally the translation gets screwed up the most when the results would be amusing to an observer. 


	11. Pimp DADA Jiraiya 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Final chapter written before i gave up on it of the Pimp DADA Jiraiya storyline.

 

 

 

**Another Fistful Of Omake**

by Greylle

DISCLAIMER: Naruto from Kishimoto, the Potterverse from JK Rowling.  
NOTE: One of the ideas i came up with for redoing the Shippuden thing. This got written because of the title. Not sure how far it would go, but having Jiraiya showing his competent side (instead of his comic relief side) had some appeal.

Omake 29: Pimp DADA Jiraiya, part 3

* * *

"Iruka Umino, right?" asked the Jiraiya clone in his new form, looking over Naruto's henge.

"Yeah, who's the guy you're impersonating? I don't recognize him," noted Naruto.

"Someone I saw in one of those magazines Professor Burbage reads," said Jiraiya's clone. "So I'll call you Iruka or Umino while we're on this mission. You try and act like Iruka Umino would in these situations, instead of like yourself. I'll try to act like this 'Sean Connery' fellow and answer to that name."

"Why?" asked "Iruka" with a Naruto-ish manner.

"Training," said "Sean Connery" as he raised an eyebrow at the faux-chunin. "This is a basic infiltration mission. We're going to Hogsmeade and have a look around. On an infiltration mission, you have to try and remain in character at all times. That includes answering to a name not your own."

"Gotcha," said Iruka, trying to slip into the role.

"So the real me and the real you will be going to classes," said Sean. "While  we go and see what we can learn about the ninja of THIS world."

"Well, let's get going!" said Iruka eagerly.

"Does Iruka Umino ever say things like that?" asked Sean, pursing his lips and looking very skeptical.

"Oh. Right. 'Stay in character.' Gotcha." Iruka shook his head. "This is harder than it looks."

"If it was easy, civilians would do it. In fact, some DO - they're called 'actors' and we ought to get going," said Sean. "I've got enough chakra to pull off one clone for an extended period but I figure by noon I'd better dispel to cut down on mental fatigue."

"Can we fly broomsticks then?" asked Naruto.

"Nah, I haven't had time to try and learn those," said Sean. "Though I will. Once I have a better chance to study."

* * *

"Pervy-sage?" asked "Iruka Umino" as the disguised Jiraiya turned towards a Hogsmeade shop.

"I'm going to do some research here," said the apparent Sean Connery.

"In character?" asked the disguised Naruto skeptically.

Sean sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "Remember, 'Iruka' - what are our objectives here?"

"Training me?" asked Iruka.

"Plural," said Sean Connery. "Objectives plural. And yes - this is also part of your training."

Iruka pouted, which Jiraiya strongly suspected was another slip of Naruto in his disguise.

"Mission objectives?" prompted Sean.

Iruka frowned. "Maintain the henge and act as much in-character as possible, training for infiltration missions."

"Right," agreed Sean. "Here we aren't being actively menaced, so maintaining this is good experience for when you ARE being actively hunted. Next?"

"Uhm," said Iruka, continuing to think about it. "Look around, try to find information on ninja in this world."

"That's part of it, but we're also looking for as much information about this world and their special jutsu as possible," said Sean-Jiraiya. "Hogsmeade is the first civilian village we've run across."

"What about that 'Diagon Alley' place?" asked Iruka-Naruto.

"You've been there, I haven't," said Jiraiya. "From what you've said and what intel I've gathered - it's more a general marketplace than a village."

"That isn't why you're going into a porn shop," said Iruka, directing a flat look towards his sensei.

Sean shook his head. "Just when I think you've begun to mature."

"Mature does NOT mean turning into a perv!" insisted Iruka.

"I'm not too sure about that," said Jiraiya, waving the point off, "but besides that. Think about it sometime and when you come up with an answer - let me know and I'll tell you if you're right. You go and see if you can find this movie your friend in Hufflepuff talked about. I'll be researching here. We'll meet at that fountain over there in an hour."

* * *

Hermione's eyes were narrowed as she watched the teacher, trying to figure out several things at once.

"Now, yesterday," said the original Jiraiya, not knowing what his shadow clone was up to yet, "we dealt with what we call 'environmental awareness' and using the terrain to your advantage as much as possible. Today I want you to think of a second part of defending yourself."

"Spells?" asked one of the students.

"Not yet," said Jiraiya. "I'll be going over those later in the week when I've got one of the fields outside reserved for the day. One of the jutsu/spells/special manuevers of my land-"

"Wait a minute," said Neville Longbottom. "You said one word but I heard..."

"Hmmm, oh - the translation effect isn't one hundred percent - I've noticed that," admitted Jiraiya. "Which word didn't translate?"

"Jootesoo?" asked Neville.

"I can try to explain, but the translation effect might make it difficult to do that," said Jiraiya, turning around and writing something in an odd sort of runes out. "This is a phonetic spelling in my language."

"That's going to give me a headache," complained Ron Weasley. "It's like I can see it and sort of understand it, but it keeps trying to change to something else."

Jiraiya shrugged. "Trying to beat the effect is more difficult than just accepting that it works ninety nine percent of the time and seems to mess up... yes, Miss Granger?"

Hermione realized she had just gone to standing up. "Uhm. Nothing. Just realized something."

"Ah, then," said Jiraiya. "Back to the lesson. There is 'environmental awareness' - knowing where to find cover or escape if you are attacked. There is 'situational awareness' where you know the dynamics of the time and place you're in. There's awareness of yourself and your own capabilities, and there's threat assessment. This last is figuring out how good your opponent is, what they are capable of and what they're using at the moment. Most of the last will be covered when we go to the textbooks next week. This week I want to cover the most basic goal of Defense Against The Dark Arts."

"Which is?" asked Draco.

"Surviving," said Jiraiya. "That which does not kill you CAN make you stronger. It can also hurt a helluva lot. So Defense Against Dark Arts will also include some information about the trinity attack group and your roles in such."

"'Trinity attack'?" asked Draco, frowning.

"In my land, one of the optimal strategies for dealing with hostile situations is teamwork," said Jiraiya. "Using a team of three. For reasons lost to time, so don't ask me because I don't know, one of the best is known as a trinity team. One healer who keeps everyone functioning. The skilled attacker who concentrates on doing as much damage as possible to the target. The pointman who can take a beating for his allies in order to keep the healer and attacker from getting killed. My team was like that. We had one of the most skilled healers in our history, myself as the often obvious target, and a member of our team who specialized in a wide range of attack options."

The class was silent for a moment as Jiraiya wrote something else on the blackboard.

"Now there is no such thing as a perfect attack or a perfect defense," said Jiraiya as he wrote. "As soon as someone comes up with what they feel is one - someone else will work out a way of defeating it. Even an instant-death spell can be defended against if someone has an idea that it is coming."

"There's a way of defending against THAT spell?" asked Draco Malfoy, intrigued.

"Yes," said Jiraiya. "I found out about that particular spell, and it's been around awhile. Naturally, someone DID find a defense against it. Though the first and best defense is to keep someone from trying to use it against you as the defense itself is a one-shot deal that requires preparation ahead of time."

"I thought that only dodging it was an option," mused Draco, quite curious now.

"There are two other methods that I've run across," said Jiraiya as he continued to write. "One Mister Potter here has experienced. Sacrificial Protection is referred to as the reason he survived that night. The other I will cover later in the year."

Jiraiya backed away from the board. "Now here we go. Stages of response you should consider. First, avoid. Second, observe. Third, assess. If you're experienced in battle, you can do all three of these at once. Then you come to your first choice. Escape or retribution. If you can escape, go with that. You're not at war, not pursued by squads trying to kill you. Escape is your best option. If it is not available, then you strike back. I read an account of two wizards trying to shoot the wands out of each other's hands. If someone is actively trying to kill you, put such ideas out of your head and strike back HARD. The life you save may not just be your own."

"But there are spells for disarming an opponent," protested Neville.

"Yes there are, and there are counterspells and measures," said Jiraiya. "They may have a back-up wand. They may, as I, not actually NEED a wand to kill you. In any case, I'm arranging for practical demonstration and practice for next week. Each of you know some basic spells already. Choose one for offense, one for defense, and practice. That and looking at your environment and figuring out how to use it."

"Wait half a tick," said Ron. "This is beginning to sound like a test."

"Very good, Mister Weasley," said Jiraiya with a nod. "That is exactly what it is. And I've managed to get ahold of a few surprises for you at that."

* * *

"May I help you?" asked the shopkeeper.

"Uhm, what just happened?" asked Naruto.

"A simple glyph on the door to dispel disguises," said the shopkeeper. "Well, at least you're not a Weasley."

"That's good?" asked Naruto, back to looking like himself and around fifteen years in appearance.

"Considering what they've done in here before, that's damn bloody wonderful," said the shopkeeper. "There's something else odd about you but it's not a disguise."

"I'm not from around here," tried Naruto.

The shopkeeper took out some odd glass and peered through it. "My word. You certainly aren't, are you? You're also some sort of magical doppleganger. How interesting. I'll have to write this up for the Professor."

"Professor?" asked Naruto. "Look. Maybe I should just leave."

"Oh no, don't do that," said the shopkeeper. "Most interesting customer I've had all day. Have to mention this to Professor Elemental for certain, he'll be quite fascinated."

"Oh," said Naruto. "Uhm, I'm actually over at Hogwarts right now. I just wanted to, uhm-"

"Look over the shops before break comes up?" asked the shopkeeper. "You're not the first, you know. The Weasley twins did something similar in their second year as I recall. There was also a few others who snuck out at night to window-shop."

Naruto didn't ask why anyone would shop for windows at night, he just assumed it was another case of that weird translation jutsu Jiraiya had mentioned screwing up.

"Well, welcome, young sir to Tomes and Scrolls! I am Davyd Balliwick, scrivner third class!"

"Oh, Naruto Uzumaki. Hogwarts student I guess. You have anything on ninja?"

"Oh?" asked Davyd. "Hobby?"

"Kind of a professional interest," answered Naruto.

* * *

Hermione jotted down a few notes, consulting her books, and then back again.

"Wha'cha up to? Homework?" asked Ron Weasley, glancing over at it.

"Professor Jiraiya stated that he's got a 'translation' spell of some kind running, but that it's far from perfect," stated Hermione, looking up at the ceiling and sounding heavily distracted.

"Right, like sometimes his mouth movements don't quite match up with what he's saying," said Ron with a nod.

"Oh, you caught that?" asked Harry.

"Yeah, I got an Uncle twice removed or something, up in the Scottish Moors somewhere," said Ron with a shrug. "Has more of a brogue than Professor McGonagall when he comes visit. Got a pendant that makes him understandable, just a bit."

"Translator pendants," said Hermione with a nod. "Found those already, but this is an active spell."

"Why are you researching that, it ain't enough it works?" asked Ron.

"Because both the Professor and his apprentice have access to entirely new spells and effects," said Hermione.

"Doppelganger spell?" asked Ron.

"The what?" asked Hermione, shocked at the concept that Ron might know a spell she didn't.

"Doppelganger spell," said Ron. "The twins researched it a bit ago, gave up on it because of some weirdness they won't talk about. I think they said they came up with it because of something called the 'Gem and all Curse' or something."

Hermione blinked at him for a moment. "Gemino Curse?"

"Yeah," said Ron around a mouthful of sandwich. "That's it."

"I see," said Hermione. "If you remember any details, I'd be VERY interested."

Ron swallowed. For some reason, when Hermione started getting all enthused about something, she seemed to be very difficult to say 'no' to. "I'll try."

* * *

"Now where could it be?" asked Davyd.

"You asking me?" asked Naruto.

"No, actually," said Davyd. "Accio 'Volo's Guide To Wizarding Japan'!"

A book leapt from the shadows of a top shelf to land in the shopkeeper's hand.

"Pardon me, this one always seems to turn up in unlikely spots," said Davyd. "Yes. 'Volo's Guide To Wizarding Japan' - I believe this has what you're looking for."

"Who is this 'Volo' guy anyway?" asked Naruto.

"Wizard of course," said Davyd. "French I think. World traveler back in the sixties and seventies. Took an arrow to the knee back a few decades. Company took over his business, that of writing travel guides, maybe a decade ago. Kept his name on the series because everyone was familiar with them by that point. This one was updated just two years ago so it's probably still accurate."

"So, this has information on ninja in it?" asked Naruto.

"I believe so," said Davyd, whispering a word thereafter and tapping the book with his wand. Pages flipped around. "Yes, there are several mentions of ninja within the text."

"Oh?" asked Naruto.

* * *

"Well, Pervy-sage?" asked Naruto an hour later.

"No plot, plenty of sex, but characters that are completely two-dimensional, and a distinct lack of humor," said Jiraiya.

"So, basically, porn," said Naruto.

"Unfortunately, that's what this world has," said Jiraiya.

"Isn't that what your books are... YIKES!"

The shadows had congealed over Jiraiya, his eyes gleaming spotlights that seemed to pin him to the cobblestone street, as Jiraiya LOOMED over him.

That held for a moment before the effect faded out and Jiraiya just sat on the edge of the fountain and looked OLD and tired for a moment.

Naruto was off-balance and not entirely sure how to handle the abrupt changes in atmosphere.

"A simple porn novel wouldn't be a best-seller," said Jiraiya, sounding VERY old and tired. "A simple pornographic novel such as they have here wouldn't be read and re-read by people. They'd just throw it away after one use."

"Uhm, right," said Naruto, not understanding this mood at all.

"I wrote a serious novel once," said Jiraiya, looking off to the side and apparently not seeing Naruto at all. "My first effort. I put in everything. My blood, my sweat, my tears. I had pathos, tragedy, and I put forth my philosophy in there. The Will Of Fire and my hopes for peace."

"Uhm," said Naruto.

"It didn't sell at all well," said Jiraiya. "Then I came up with Icha-Icha. It sold. It sold very very well."

"But... it's just porn, right? Kakashi-sensei read that all the time and giggled. So it's okay, I suppose," tried Naruto, though even he could tell that his words were NOT helping as Jiraiya seemed to sag in place.

"I'm going to dispel, Naruto," said Jiraiya finally. "Apparently Hogsmeade doesn't really have that many shops and none of them have this 'annie-may' stuff."

"Yeah, well, I found a book about the local ninja, so I'll have to go back to school the long way," said Naruto.

"Right," said Jiraiya before disappearing in a puff of smoke.

* * *

Jiraiya shook his head at the memories. How odd. The wizarding world had pornographic novels that displayed the same weird looping scenes over and over again. Some of the scenes had been just a bit odd. Some of them had him wanting to use a Rasengan on everyone involved.

Jiraiya had just discovered the concept of 'squick' and that there were vices that were beyond anything he'd ever encountered.

"Professor?" asked a student.

"Oh sorry, psychic feedback," said Jiraiya, rubbing at his forehead. "What was your question again?"

"Do I have your permission to run an experiment to see if your ninja-magic can be duplicated by wand-magic?" asked the girl.

"Keep me informed of the results, but I would suggest starting with the teacher in charge of your House. Then go to the teacher whose specialty is most like the ninjutsu you're trying to duplicate," said Jiraiya, making sure that there were others who could stop it if it violated their various rules. "If both give their permission, talk to me again and I'll consider it."

"Right away, Professor," said Hermione Granger.

* * *

Author Notes: As Lyner and others have pointed out, as per my own acknowledgement in the notes - i'm not even close to an expert on the Potterverse. So, to appease the critics, this is the last i'll muck about in that particular -verse. As always, anyone wanting to take this over can feel free - just let me know about it so i can link it in.

Planned directions:

The development of the Clone Potion would end up with several odd results over the next several days. The first attempt would end up with something akin to Spring Of Drowned Girl from Ranma 1/2, affecting Harry. When they go to see Snape after this mishap to see what can be done about it, the Professor is essentially sent in teary-eyed shock as Harry-ette STRONGLY resembles his mother.

Character Development ensues.

The Clone Potion project is put on hold for a bit, and when Hermione tries it again - she ends up with four different Hermione that all have a different part of her personality dominating. Character Development and Hilarity Ensues.

The book-shade of Voldemort and other horcrux aspects occur, particularly after the third year where Peter Pettigrew manages to free the bottled Voldemort from the sake jar. However, the addition of the two ninja at the school further derails things.

The Death Eaters, who don't bother to conceal themselves at first, start dying as Jiraiya doesn't have a particular problem with sneaking up behind an armed and hostile ninja and stabbing them in the back of the head.

At the end of the third year, Naruto and Jiraiya return back to the Elemental Nations via reverse-summoning with the toads.


	12. 12 Videogame Naruto

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Going from the Mischief Temple, exploring this concept a bit, with the videogame segment dominant.

 

 

 

**Another Fistful Of Omake**

by Greylle

DISCLAIMER: Original series belong to someone else.  
NOTE: There are several takes on the Naruto - The Video Game concept, most of which i've found amusing. As far as i can tell - Chibi-Reaper did it first. Though the idea of being trapped in a videogame is pretty old - Tron did it first i think. Sorry "Sword Art Online" fans, but it wasn't SAO that originated the concept.

Wanted to try my hand at it, but with the Anime Addventure bugged and my own easily discouraged nature with the amount of critics. (shrug) Perhaps it would be best to let someone else give it a go.

Uses the initial setup of the shrine from the Blue Lantern omake.

Omake 30: Gaming The System

* * *

They had been going towards Wave Country, guarding an old bridgebuilder. At the end of the first day, there had been a rainstorm and they'd taken shelter at a shrine just off the road.

The little priest in charge had been odd, but then again they were ninja so odd wasn't all that uncommon.

A god of chaos, mischief, and trickery. Again, being as they were ninja - none of this was particularly odd. That it was a cat instead of a fox was the oddest thing about it really.

Kakashi stirred as voices interrupted his sleep schedule. Really, it was fine that Naruto talked to the priest during his turn at watch, but did he HAVE to be so loud doing it?

Then there were the images and a very different voice answering Naruto, and Kakashi realized that things were about to get very out-of-hand.

* * *

" **As you practice and develop, your new kekkei genkai will also develop,** " said the cat-being.

"It's a bloodline?" asked Kakashi.

" **Yes. So from now on the Uzumaki bloodline has its high stamina, healing talent, longevity, talent for fuuinjutsu, and this ability as well. The Weapon Master.** "

"Weapon? Like kunai?" asked Naruto. "I can already throw kunai."

" **No. The first abilities are Scan and Reinforce. When your opponent has a weapon you can use Scan to determine what special properties it has. Reinforce makes your own weapon harder to break. Eventually you'll learn Repair and Copy. Repair to fix broken weapons or restore them to a like-new condition. Copy to learn weapons techniques that another is using. Eventually you'll be able to Manifest - the ability to create temporary versions of weapons you've used Scan on.** "

"That really doesn't fit Naruto too well," said Kakashi. "He's more prone to charging in and getting over his head."

"Kakashi-sensei, that's mean," protested Naruto.

"Perhaps, but it's true," said Kakashi. "Dog walking and ending up in a minefield? Clearing a field and pulling the crops with the weeds? Painting a fence, and also the sidewalk, the client, and two passerby?"

"Well..." said Naruto, grimacing at the memories.

" **Well, I'd give it to Tenten if I had a better excuse. She really deserves something for being on a team run by Gai and with Lee and Neji being her teammates.** "

"Anyone who has Gai for a sensei really does deserve something good happening to them," admitted Kakashi.

" **But this way it'll leave a possibility of Tenten being interested in Naruto, so that'll be interesting to see if it develops.** "

"How would she even know?" asked Kakashi.

* * *

"Hmph, ridiculous," said Neji.

"Something in the paper today?" asked Tenten, noting that Neji was practicing his Byakugan by reading different pages in a newspaper that was still folded up.

"The Uzumaki brat that was in the last class to graduate," explained Neji. "One of the genealogists that the various clans access came up with some findings regarding that 'deadlast' - that his ancestry may contains a Weapon Master kekkei genkai."

"Sounds intriguing," admitted Tenten. "What's it do?"

* * *

" **Oh, there are ways.** "

"I don't suppose you can give him some self-control?" asked Kakashi.

" **Where's the fun in that?** "

"I take it back, both of you are mean," sulked Naruto.

"You're saying you could make Naruto less prone to charging in and messing up?"

" **If I stirred myself to it, I could make it so that Sasuke Uchiha had been born a girl and thought Naruto was cute.** "

"Let's not go there," said a creeped-out Naruto.

" **I could make it so that Sakura was only interested in other girls, or that Hinata was of the branch family of the Hyuga, or Jiraiya wrote cookbooks, or that Orochimaru had a catgirl fetish. I could change Sakura from 'tsundere' to 'cute bookworm' or a 'dojikko' or maybe something less used like a 'samurai-ko' type.** "

"Who?" asked Naruto.

"What?" asked Kakashi.

" **Why? Is that YOUR wish, Kakashi Hatake?** "

"If I had a wish," said Kakashi drily, "I'd wish that Obito and Rin were back. Since that's impossible -"

_BAMF!_

"Wha- what?" asked the young girl with the marks on her cheeks. "Where?"

Kakashi stared, slowly reaching up and uncovering his Sharingan, then slowly covering it back up.

" **I couldn't do Obito because he's not dead.** "

Naruto watched as Kakashi's visible eye rolled up and he fainted.

"Uhm," said Naruto. "Hi. Naruto Uzumaki here. Hidden Leaf village."

"Rin Nohara, also Hidden Leaf..." Rin looked around. "Any idea what's going on?"

"Yeah, but I'm not making a whole lot of sense out of it," said Naruto.

" **I'm going to show you one weapon. Of a sort. Scan it.** "

"Okay!" said Naruto, ready for awesome jutsu.

* * *

"Pika pi, pikachu!"

"Ungh," said Naruto.

"Well, he's waking up."

"Pikaaaa!"

"That hurt, ya know," said Naruto, slowly opening his eyes.

"Pika!" said the pikachu.

"Yeah, you're considered a weapon," said Naruto. "See, Toltiir decided that just doing weapons was too close to someone else's thing, so he made it a bit different."

"Pika?" asked the pikachu.

"Do you mean you actually understand this pudgy..." Sasuke indicated the yellow blob with the rabbit ears.

"Pika!" said the pikachu, frowning up at Sasuke.

"Oooh, what you said," said Naruto, rubbing his forehead.

"So, what exactly is..." Rin pointed at the creature.

"That is a pikachu," said Naruto. "A pokemon. A creature from an entirely different set of universes."

"Looks pretty useless," began Sasuke.

"Pikachu, ThunderShock," said Naruto. "But not enough to hurt him. Much."

"Pika!" said the pikachu enthusiastically before going ahead and doing what it had wanted to do for awhile now.

_KA-ZAAAAAAAAAAAAP!_

Kakashi blinked. "That was a Lightning attack."

"No kidding," said the slightly crispy Sasuke on the floor.

"So, your 'weaponmaster' jutsu lets you scan creatures that are weapon-grade and then manifest them?" asked Rin.

"Yeah," said Naruto.

"Pika!" said the pikachu.

"What else?" asked Sakura, torn between gushing over how cute the creature was and berating it for zapping Sasuke.

"Well," said Naruto.

The pikachu adjusted his orange jacket and little Konoha headband. "Pi pi pika pi pi chu."

"Yeah, it does look good on you," admitted Naruto.

"Where did he get the jacket? Where did he get the headband?" asked Sakura.

"Pipi chu pika pi."

"He's right, Sakura-chan," said Naruto. "You shouldn't try to overanalyze these things, it'll just give you a headache."

"You're using words like 'overanalyze'?" asked Sasuke, briefly wondering if Naruto had been replaced.

"Pi."

"Oh," said Sasuke, deducing that Naruto had been quoting the little yellow thing.

"I can also do  this," declared Naruto, making a hand-sign.

The pikachu faded out. Something else faded in.

"Cool!"

Sakura, Naruto, and Kakashi all stared at Sasuke for a moment.

Sasuke recovered, coughed into a fist, and looked away from the new creature.

"Um, right," said Naruto, a bit uncertain. Had Sasuke gotten all sparkly-eyed and... no. Couldn't have been. "Dark Phoenix Hatchling. A flying/fire type."

"Might be useful for scouting," noted Rin.

"Why is it dressed like Sasuke?" asked Sakura, noting that it was wearing a Konoha headband and blue shirt much like Sasuke.

"Oh, anyone I defeat - I can then summon their counterpart," said Naruto. "And now..."

The Dark Phoenix Hatchling faded out. Nothing appeared though.

"Whatta ya mean I'm too low level?!" asked Naruto aloud.

"What did you try to summon?" asked Kakashi.

"According to this list," said Naruto, pointing at a spot in the air that didn't look any different from anywhere else, "I've defeated Sasuke, the Hokage, Mizuki, and my pikachu is listed as 'starting' and I should be able to summon their animal. I tried to summon the Hokage's and it wouldn't let me!"

"Well," said Kakashi thoughtfully. "That makes sense. The Hokage would be a high-level summons."

"WHEN did you defeat me, dobe?" asked Sasuke.

"When I tied you up and left you in the bathroom on team assignment day I guess," said Naruto, staring at the air. "That would explain the 'unlock' date."

"That shouldn't count," protested Sasuke.

"What is Mizuki's 'counterpart'?" asked Kakashi.

A large bull appeared in the room.

"A tauros," said Naruto.

"Looks like a bum steer," said Sakura.

The tauros glared at Sakura in response.

"Hmmm, big enough that Tazuna could ride it, which would allow us to speed up our trip," noted Kakashi. "Potentially useful."

The tauros snorted.

"No forehead protector," said Sakura.

"Well, Mizuki was found to be a traitor and his status revoked," said Kakashi. "So that makes a certain degree of sense. Still wearing a chunin vest so not sure about that."

"Somehow," said Sasuke, sounding quite thoughtful. "We have to get Naruto to defeat more opponents."

"Eh?!" asked Naruto. Sasuke wanted him to get stronger?

"The more of these you have, the more adaptable you'll be, and if that happens - I won't have to carry you like so much deadweight," noted Sasuke aloud.

Naruto twitched and glared at Sasuke.

"Where the heck would we find some ninja that Naruto could beat?" asked Sakura.

"Hmmm," hmmmed Kakashi, thinking.

"Hmmm," hmmmed Sasuke, pondering as he looked in Sakura's general direction.

"Hmmm," hmmmed Rin, looking directly at Sakura.

"Yeah, it's not like we're going to get some enemies I can beat up around here," said Naruto, looking at Tazuna.

Tazuna finished taking a drink from some bottle and put that away quickly. He was not liking the tension in the air.

* * *

A brief snippet of music played.

Rin and Team 7 all looked at Naruto.

"I don't get it," said Naruto, pointing at a section of air as far as everyone else was concerned. "What does it mean 'Random Encounter'?"

"It's like a video game?" asked Sakura, putting earlier comments together with this. "What does it say?! Exactly!"

"Uhm, it says, 'Random Encounter' and there's a couple of numbers but they're moving so fast I can't see 'em?" asked Naruto.

"Okay, got it," said Sakura, drawing a kunai and brandishing it. "I know what's going on."

"Does this actually make sense to you?" asked Sasuke.

"Yes, this new ability of Naruto's was set up at a temple for a god of mischief," said Sakura. "So it's operating like a video game. Probably because it suspected one of us would be familiar with the idea and it would get us participating with the madness instead of just being dragged along. Naruto, later I want you to try and find a 'Settings' menu. For now - just let me know when the numbers stop moving."

"Uhm. Okay..." said Naruto. "Ah. They just did. It came up '90' and 'Shellder'?!"

"'Shellder'?" asked Sakura.

"I dunno," said a heavily perspiring Naruto. "Uhm, ah. Maybe. Pikachu?"

The dressed-like-Naruto pikachu appeared. "Pika pi pika chu!"

A clam-like creature thumped to the ground, wearing a 'Kiri' headband.

"'Expy of Gedo Hamaguri' - or so it says," said Naruto. "'Minor character killed off during Chunin Exam arc.'"

"There are 'minor characters' in these games?" asked Sasuke, also brandishing a pair of kunai but glancing towards Sakura who at least seemed to have SOME clue as to current events.

"Yes, I..." Sakura began, but then realized that Sasuke was depending on her and looking to her as an expert. On video games. "Not that I play video games! I gave those up years ago!"

The Shellder shot a blast of water, missing the pikachu and hitting Sakura directly in the face.

"Pikachu, thundershock!" called out Naruto, thinking that a scene of extreme violence against a shellfish was about to be committed.

"PIKA!" complied the pikachu, throwing a lightning bolt at the water pokemon. Which keeled over.

Sakura spluttered and parted the wet hair, then sluiced water out of her eyes. When she could see again, there was a defeated Shellder in the path.

"All right, I caught another one!" said Naruto. "It looks like I can summon..."

"SHANNARO!" yelled Sakura, kicking the shellfish and causing it to fly far away.

"WHAT?! It says 'capture incomplete' and 'lost Shellder'?!" said Naruto, again pointing to a message only he could see.

Sakura stopped gritting her teeth and looking peeved. "What?"

"Nice going," groaned Sasuke. "Well, THAT was certainly pointless."

Sakura took a deep breath, visibly calming down. "Okay. Naruto. Is there anything like a menu that you can see?"

"Um, no?" asked Naruto.

"Are you looking at a little square screen that has information on it?" asked Sakura.

"Well, there's one that keeps popping up here," said Naruto, pointing at a spot off to his right.

"Try saying 'Settings' then," said Sakura, thinking about it.

"'Settings'?" asked Naruto, who then blinked. "Whoa. Something came up."

"What does it say?" asked Sakura.

"It says 'settings' and then it has a bunch of junk on this side," said Naruto.

Sakura walked up and punched Naruto in the head. "Exactly. What EXACTLY does it say?"

"Naruto is not terribly detail oriented Sakura," said Kakashi softly.

"Meaning he tends to charge straight ahead and plan accordingly," said Sasuke, using the opportunity to snark on Naruto. "If you can call that a plan, that is."

"Uhm, 'audio alert' is on, 'permit random encounters' is on, 'hints' is off, 'tutorial' is off," began Naruto.

"Turn off the 'permit random encounters' until we're done with the mission," said Sakura.

"Uhm, how?" asked Naruto.

"Try touching where it says 'on'," suggested Sakura.

"Hey that did it!" exclaimed Naruto. "You know a lot about this sort of thing Sakura!"

"Well, I generally prefer a different genre but this seems like it's a straightforward -" began Sakura proudly until she noticed Sasuke watching. "Not that I do anything as immature as play videogames! Not since my third year in the Academy!"

Sasuke sighed, rubbing his forehead as if he felt a headache coming on for whatever reason.

"A straightforward what?" asked Kakashi.

"Monster raising and training game like 'Monster Farm Deuteronomy' or maybe a Sim-style game like Sim-civilian," said Sakura. "Not that I know anything about those. I think I saw Ino play one once."

"Uh huh," said everyone else but Rin.

"What else is there or is that it?" asked Sakura of Naruto.

* * *

If you checked, Sakura Haruno had two hobbies. Trivia games and medical studies, though the latter only was true after Tsunade's return to the village.

That she had played some video games, themselves the result of the occasional misfire from trying to summon useful equipment, was not something she was proud of due to a perception that such was uncool and immature and therefore something to conceal from her crush. Nonetheless, she HAD and now could put that information to use.

Sakura therefore listened to the settings and had specific instructions for Naruto.

"Turn the 'hints' to 'on'," said Sakura. "Since it's weird just watching you do stuff to thin air - turn on physical interface."

"Okay," said Naruto.

"Is there a 'Save'?" asked Sakura.

"Uhm, yeah. Down at the bottom. 'Save Changes'?"

"Hit that." Sakura waited for Naruto to do so.

A box appeared on Naruto's belt.

"Ah HAH!" said Sakura, pouncing. Unfortunately her fingers went straight through it. "CRAP!"

"Eh?" asked Naruto, picking the box off his belt. "What's this?"

"A Wintendo DX Portable Gaming System," said Sakura. "There's only seven of them in Konoha. When they got these there are only six game chips they got at the same time. 'Sim-civilian', 'Monster Ranch Deuteronomy', 'FIPA Soccer', 'Call Of Honor', 'Angry Critters', and 'Mahjong Master.' There was a seventh, 'Duel Deck Deus' - but it was broken by one of the girls in the Academy."

"Huh," said Naruto, tapping on the controls.

"Hold it where I can read it," Sakura instructed Naruto. "Okay. I can't touch it - but I can read the screen."

What followed was Sakura rapidly giving Naruto commands to "open this" or "touch that" or "hit that arrow" or "bring this section down" or "see if that brings up a hint" or similar comments.

In the meantime, Rin took up a position near Tazuna and made several comments about his health and how he should get more exercise and drink less. Tazuna's responses were less than enthusiastic.

Kakashi listened but kept an eye on the surroundings, with Sasuke deciding to follow his sensei's lead.

"Okay, got the basics," said Sakura, stepping away from Naruto and the box, then going into quiet thinking for awhile as she figured out her report.

"Sakura?" prompted Kakashi.

"Okay," repeated Sakura finally. "The game that whatever-it-was put together is really complex. The centerpiece, main game, deals with Naruto having a sum-mon. This is a creature based partly on a creature type somewhere else in the multiverse and partly on someone that Naruto has either defeated or has assisted in the defeat of. Better chance of getting a sum-mon if he was the only one defeating the opponent."

"'Multiverse'?" asked Sasuke.

Sakura was clearly still distracted by her findings, as she wasn't paying attention to Sasuke and just answered off-handedly. "Multiple universes, parallel dimensions, alternate worlds. Some high-level summoning techniques access those but aren't easily controllable and have a huge chakra cost. Anyway, the main game deals with Naruto doing that. There are several mini-games or side-games which can be accessed as well."

"Mini-games?" asked Kakashi.

"There's a 'dating-sim' sort of game that can be activated, and Naruto - DON'T," said Sakura, raising a fist to indicate that if she caught him doing so there would be immediate and violent results.

"Eh?" asked Naruto, who hadn't even thought about that.

"There's also 'Clan Builder' - which is locked," continued Sakura. She hesitated on the next part, which caused some concern on Sasuke's part when he saw the furtive glance sent his way.

* * *

"Let's see," said Sakura, quite aware of Rin watching over the client. Also of Kakashi-sensei looking over her shoulder, Naruto glancing at her every so often, Sasuke glancing every so often but also watching their environment while flipping a kunai up and down in one hand. "Tap here."

> Naruto Uzumaki.  
> [History][Special Abilities][Inventory][Skills & Traits]  
> [Status][Pets][Mounts]

"Now hit the 'Skills and Traits' section," instructed Sakura.

> Skills & Traits - Naruto Uzumaki  
> Chakra Control - 0.5  
> Hand Seals - 1  
> Intelligence - 1  
> Speed - 2  
> Stamina - 4  
> Strength - 2  
> \-----------  
> Bojutsu - 0  
> Fuuinjutsu - 0  
> Genjutsu - 1  
> Kenjutsu - 0  
> Kyokugei - 1  
> Ninjutsu - 2  
> Shurikenjutsu - 1  
> Taijutsu - 1.5  
> Trapmaking - 1  
> Uzumaki Style Gusari-do - 0, Not Learned.  
> Uzumaki Style Taijutsu - 0, Not Learned.  
> \-----------  
> Bunshin - 0 (Chakra Control insufficient)  
> Henge (Hensojutsu) - 2  
> Kawarimi - 0.5  
> Oiroke - 3  
> Tajuu Kage Bunshin No Jutsu - 2  
> \-----------  
> -TRAITS-  
> Eat Ludicrous Amounts Of Ramen - 2  
> Dodge Like A Maniac - 1  
> Selective Blindness - 1  
> Uzumaki bloodline (Stamina, Longevity, Recovery, Fuuinjutsu Talent)  
> Jinchuriki (Kyubi) (stage 1, Class IV seal)  
> Will Of Fire  
> \-----------  
> -DISADVANTAGES-  
> Hunted by Akatsuki  
> Hunted by Orochimaru  
> Animosity Of Village (General Populace) -10 Reputation  
> Wears Orange  
> \-----------  
> 5 pts available. Spend points?  
> 

"You have two points in eating ramen?!" demanded Sakura.  
"I see you need work on your chakra control," noted Kakashi.  
"Why is wearing orange a disadvantage?" complained Naruto.  
"He has a bloodline?" asked Sasuke, wondering why he hadn't heard that or seen any evidence prior. Yes, Rin had said something like that - but he'd dismissed it as a possibility after initial consideration.  
"I see," said Rin, nodding.  
"I don't understand half of that," complained Tazuna.

Of course, everyone spoke almost simultaneously. This was followed by a pause.

"Why are these lines fuzzy?" asked Sakura finally. She pointed to a particular line which looked as if the light was scrambled right there to her.

"It's an S-Class secret," said Kakashi, wondering if he had to kill the client to block the image.

"What's going on?" asked Tazuna, sticking his pinky in his ear and waggling it. "Why is it I can't read most of that like it's gone all fuzzy, and why do you keep speaking but I can't hear anything?"

Kakashi eyed him. "'Jinchuriki'?"

"Did you say something?" asked Tazuna. "I could have sworn I saw your mouth move under that mask."

"So there is a security feature," said Kakashi. _Tazuna isn't a member of the 'party' and is blocked from learning most of this?_

"What's a 'jinchuriki?" asked Sakura. "'Power of human sacrifice'?"

Kakashi startled, then facepalmed. _Whereas a party member might be directly censored but not INdirectly censored._

"Nice going, Kakashi-sensei," muttered Naruto.

"S-Class secret," said Kakashi. "You aren't allowed to ask about that. Or discuss it. You can't even dream about telling yourself it."

"Who is 'Akatsuki'?" asked Naruto.

"No idea," admitted Kakashi.

"Try going back and pulling up my stats," said Sakura. "That way we can get a comparison."

> Skills & Traits - Sakura Haruno  
> Chakra Control - 3  
> Hand Seals - 4  
> Intelligence - 3.5  
> Speed - 1  
> Stamina - 1  
> Strength - 0.5  
> \-----------  
> Bojutsu - 0  
> Fuuinjutsu - 0  
> Genjutsu - 3  
> Kenjutsu - 0  
> Kyokugei - 2  
> Ninjutsu - 1.5  
> Shurikenjutsu - 1.5  
> Taijutsu - 1  
> Trapmaking - 2  
> \-----------  
> Bunshin - 2  
> Henge (Hensojutsu) - 2  
> Kawarimi - 1  
> Ikebana - 1  
> \-----------  
> -TRAITS-  
> Harumori bloodline (latent - pink hair)  
> Obsession with Sasuke Uchiha  
> \-----------  
> -DISADVANTAGES-  
> Intelligence Deficit Disorder when distracted by thoughts of Sasuke Uchiha  
> \-----------  
> 2 pts available. Spend points?  
> 

"WHAT?!" declared Sakura, pointing at the disadvantage. "I DO NOT!"

"Uhm, actually," said Sasuke. "I've noticed that."

"No!" said Sakura, automatically denying it even if it DID come from Sasuke.

Sasuke watched her out of the corner of his eye. Actually, he HAD noticed but it was a minor thing and it generally only happened when there weren't other things going on. It WAS annoying though and perhaps knowledge of the trait would allow her to overcome the weakness? Except she was now apparently trapped in some loop where she was staring at him and then at the screen and then back. Ah, now she was slumping in place with a crestfallen expression.

"Wow, so you have a latent bloodline?" asked Naruto. "And your hand seal score is way up there."

"I wonder if this is a five point or a ten point scale," pondered Kakashi. He thought from what he'd seen, most likely it was a ten-point scale.

Sakura finally decided something. "Close mine. Open yours again. Go here. Hit the plus mark there."

> Intelligence +1  
> Intelligence = 2: Average  
> Removing Learning Disability

"Now save the changes," said Sakura.

"I've still got four points," noted Naruto as he did it.

"Do you feel any different?" asked Sakura.

"No?" asked Naruto.

"Great, it doesn't do anything," said Sasuke.

"Try putting a point here in 'Chakra Control' and a point in 'Strength' - then try saving again," said Sakura, encircling one of Naruto's upper arms with one hand.

"Fine fine," grumbled Naruto, doing that and then hitting save changes.

"WHOA!" said Sakura, practically leaping backwards.

"Hmmm?" asked Kakashi.

"I felt that," said Sakura. "If you were just looking you might not notice, but I felt his muscles growing."

"Eh? So it does do something?" asked Sasuke, now wondering what HIS information said about him. If it made him stronger now, he'd take it - even if it was a cheat. No, he was a ninja - he'd do it especially if it was a cheat.

"I don't really feel different," mumbled Naruto, checking himself out as best he could.

"Pull mine back up again," said Sakura. "I've got two points, let's see..."

Everyone waited for a few moments as Sakura was clearly lost in thought, mumbling to herself as she did.

"One point in Strength since that's my lowest score," said Sakura after working things out, her tone thoughtful. "Since there are half-points, go ahead and put half a point in Speed and half a point in Stamina."

"Huh," said Naruto as he tapped his way through those values.

"Now, save the changes," said Sakura, bracing herself for what she expected to be an unpleasant sensation.

[Saving Changes.]

"Ngahhh," said Sakura, practically wilting.

"Wow, it didn't hurt me at all when I did it," noted Naruto.

Sakura immediately recovered and started checking herself out, hoping that she hadn't suddenly become muscle-bound or something. No indication of such, though she DID notice her muscle-tone had improved.

Tazuna grumbled about not being a 'selectable character' and possibly getting a 'arthritis disadvantage' bought off. He was ignored by everyone else.

"We'll check Sasuke later," decided Kakashi. "For now, put 'random encounters' back on."

"Huh? Why? Won't that slow us down?" asked Naruto.

"True, and that WAS one concern," said Kakashi. "However, this 'game' seems to involve both ourselves and those pets getting stronger-"

"You want him to powerlevel," stated Sakura.

"If that's what it is called," agreed Kakashi.

"Hmmm," said Naruto, going back and checking a section. "Okay, Tauros!"

The large bull-like creature appeared, the three tails lashing the air briefly. "Grah."

"Why the 'Tauros'?" asked Kakashi.

"We can make better time if Tazuna-san rides it," said Naruto. 

Everyone stared at Naruto.

"What?" asked Naruto defensively.

"My sweet kami, it WORKED," said Sasuke, pointing.

"What worked?" asked Naruto.

"Never mind," said Sasuke, recovering. "When we get a chance, bring up my stats page."

"Hnn," managed Naruto.

Sasuke glared at Naruto for a moment, then visibly decided it wasn't worth the effort.

An hour later, Sakura was about to say something about how their speed had picked up when the little gadget played some quick musical piece.

"Random encounter," read Naruto. "'A wild Jinchuriki appears! Recruitable character. Potential Rom.'?"

The startled-looking girl stared at everyone. "Uhm. What's going on?"

"Mah, this might take awhile," said Kakashi. "You're from Taki, right?"

"What's a 'jin'..." Sakura began asking, read the sudden spike in tension, and decided not to finish that question. "Yeah. Long story."

"It says 'Naruto party is attempting to use Negotiate'?" asked Naruto, reading his gadget. "There's a timer going."

"Okay, apparently we don't have time for the long story," said Kakashi. "Basically, we have access to a very strange device that has summoned you as a potential ally or friend and can possibly give you some additional skills. In order for that to occur, there's the possibility of Naruto here defeating you or something. We're still figuring it out."

"You're Kakashi Hatake of Konohagakure, right?" asked the girl. "Fine. I surrender, conditional to what you're saying."

"Eh?" asked most of those present.

Triumphant music began to play from the box.

"Wait! That COUNTED?!" asked Sakura.

"Okay!" said Naruto cheerfully. "'Fuu of Takigakure recruited! Unlocked Heracross summon. Unlocked High Pixie summon.' I don't understand this though - it says 'If she accepts invitation at time selected, Fuu can be selected as a party member for dungeons and raids.'"

"This has got to be the weirdest dream I've ever had," said Fuu. "I can have friends? Just like that? Don't I wish..."

_Poof!_

"She vanished," said Naruto, disappointed.

"She just went back to where she started, which is for the better actually," guessed Kakashi. "Taki is an ally, but they are unlikely to take us kidnapping one of their ninja in a positive light."

"I wouldn't expect 'Negotiation' to work too often," mused Sakura. "Probably because we're just starting out."

"Well, you're the expert," said Naruto.

"No! No I'm not!" exclaimed Sakura, sending a nervous gaze towards Sasuke.

Sasuke just let out a tired-sounding breath but decided not to comment further.

"So, Tauros," said Naruto. "Let's just get..."

Music began to play.

"'Random Encounter' again?" asked Sakura, sounding annoyed.

"No," said Naruto. "Or yes. I guess. It's a different message."

"Eh?" asked most of the group, crowding close to see the display on the screen.

[Suddenly a group of Wild Fangirls attack.]

"What does  that mean?" asked Sakura.

"AHHHH! IT'S SASUKE-KUN!"

Sasuke stood upright, an expression of horror disturbing his face, and he looked to the side. Then he was abruptly not there.

"AHHHH! SASUKE-KUNNNNNN!" screamed the crowd of girls as they charged out of the brush on one side of the road and charged off towards the other side.

[Wild Fangirls try to use Mob Attack! Sasuke Dodges!]

Sasuke leapt from the brush, running as if his life depended on it as he crossed the road and jumped into the brush on the other side.

"AHHHH! SASUKE-KUNNNNN!" screamed the crowd.

A little pink-haired girl stood there briefly. "We is in Hot Pursuit!" At which point she charged off into the crowd again.

[Wild Fangirls use Hot Pursuit. It's Super Effective!]

"Hey, I remember this!" said Naruto. "You were doing this with the other girls about two years ago."

"I... remember," said Sakura, sounding as if she very much did not want to remember this.

"It's like a feeding frenzy with a predator going after fresh meat," noted Kakashi. "Or young girls at a rock concert."

"AHHHHH!" screamed Sasuke as he crossed the road again, this time with his shirt missing and the rest of his clothing looking a bit frayed around the edges.

"SASUKEEEEEE!" called out the crowd, still in Hot Pursuit.

Sakura twitched a lot. "I wasn't that bad. Was I?"

"They even have the little hearts in their eyes thing going," noted Naruto as he sounded vaguely nostalgic.

Sakura paused. "Well, at least we grew out of it."

Tazuna looked towards Kakashi. "She's kidding, right?"

"Well, she has toned it down a little bit," admitted Kakashi.

Sakura twitched.

"UNNN!" said Sasuke, holding as much of his remaining clothing on as he ran back across the road again.

"I think that was a call for help," said Kakashi.

"Nah, he loves the attention," said Naruto.

_WHACK!_ went Sasuke's fist onto the top of Naruto's head as he ran back across the road.

"STOP!" tried Sakura as she leapt in between Sasuke and his pursuers.

_TRAMPLE!_

[Wild Fangirls use Trample Underfoot.]

"Fire Release! Great Fireball!"

There were a few screams and then the crowd dispersed, fading away.

Sakura, who'd missed most of the fire due to being flattened on the ground, coughed briefly.

"What exactly WAS that?" asked Tazuna.

"Huh," said Naruto, punching buttons. "One of Sasuke's disadvantages is 'pursued by fangirls' - that might be it."

Sasuke limped back onto the road, clutching a few pieces of his clothing that had survived.

"I never acted that bad at least, right Sasuke?" asked Sakura, not managing to keep all the hopefulness out of her voice.

Sasuke directed a flat look towards her.

"Oh," said Sakura, thinking that maybe she should get rid of the shirt-piece she had in her collection.

"Well," said Naruto. "That was interesting. And odd. And oddly interesting. And slightly disturbing."

Sasuke merely vowed that when he had the chance, there was a disadvantage that was going to be bought off.

* * *

There were some areas better for ambush than others.

The choice was simple enough for Zabuza Momochi. If the bridge-builder made it this far, they would likely come across on a small boat that could sneak past the mercenaries. They would likely come ashore here, where the trees were close to the water and provided the most cover.

The same things that would provide cover for the ninja sneaking Tazuna back into Wave would provide the best chance for an ambush.

If they chose another area, the lack of cover would mean the group would be more visible at a distance. Most ninja would choose the less visible option, a sort of professional bias. That which made a ninja predictable could be exploited by another ninja - something Zabuza was quite familiar with.

Sure enough, there was the group disembarking from their little boat ride. Concealed in the brush without even a ripple of killing intent or sound to betray him - Zabuza was ready to kill off the little Leaf ninja.

Wait, what was that music?

* * *

"'Boss Encounter - Zabuza Momochi'?" asked Naruto as he read the screen after the music had prompted him with a clue that something was about to happen.

Sasuke blinked, looked briefly about, then threw shuriken into the underbrush.

"What?" asked Naruto.

When she got a good look at what was pinned by a shuriken through an ear to a tree, Sakura sagged in relief. "Just a false alarm."

"That coloration," noted Kakashi aloud, as a white rabbit was decidedly out of season.

_CRACK CRASH!_

"What the hell?" asked Zabuza Momochi, the branch he'd been standing on having abruptly decided it wasn't up to the task.

"Zabuza Momochi," said Kakashi. "One of the Seven Swordsmen of the Mist."

"THAT is a big sword," noted Sakura.

"Yeah, the women tell me that all the time," said Zabuza as he picked himself up off the ground.

There was a moment of dead silence.

"Oh, wait, sorry, wrong prepared speech," said Zabuza.

"You four, stand back and guard Tazuna, this fight is way out of your league," noted Kakashi.

Naruto considered his options. Naruto made a gesture. Tauros vanished.

"Pika pi!" announced the pikachu as it appeared.

"Good idea, Naruto," said Sakura. "With all this water around, electrical attacks should be more effective."

"Eh? Oh yeah. Right. That was my plan."

Sasuke snorted.

"Pika?" asked the pikachu.

"A yellow pudgy rabbit thing?" asked Zabuza.

"PIKACHUUUUU!" _CRACKLE ZAP!_

Zabuza blocked with his sword. Zabuza got poofy hair and slightly charcoaled as a result.

"Uhm, no, Naruto," said Kakashi. "Really. Guard the client. Not engage the missing-nin in a pokebattle."

"A wha? It doesn't matter, Sharingan Kakashi. It's a pity that your little genin will die here, unless of course you're willing to just walk away from that bridge builder?" Zabuza decided to ignore the way his hair was still poofing out. Better that way.

"Zabuza Momochi, please don't take this the wrong way, but you're the most normal thing to happen so far on this mission," said Kakashi. "It's actually a relief to face someone like you in a life-or-death battle over the survival of a drunk client. This is something NORMAL."

"Uhm, right, confident aren't you?" asked Zabuza.

Music began to play.

"Naruto. Turn off 'random encounters' would you?" asked Kakashi. "I would have thought it would do that automatically."

"It says that we were queued for a random dungeon and it's available, and do you want to specify 'Zabuza Momochi' as random guest character?" Naruto asked, fairly confused.

"Some of this not-normal stuff you were referring to?" asked Zabuza. Beneath the mask he grinned. "Go ahead. Let's see what you've got-"

_KA POOF!_

* * *

It was a cavern, lit by pools of leaping lava off to the side. It smelled of fire and brimstone and other less identifiable things.

"Okay," said Zabuza. "I'm going to go out on a limb and guess this is some of what you've been going through. Is this hell then?"

"Only relatively," said Kakashi.

"Sorry, I musta hit 'accept' somewhere," said Naruto as Sakura crowded close.

"Put my icon in the back," said Sakura. "Same with Rin. Right. Okay, select 'Fuu' as party member."

"It says 'Fuu is currently unavailable'," pointed out Naruto as he tried that.

"Would it be terribly difficult for someone to explain what exactly is going on here?" asked Zabuza. After all, if he killed everyone here - that was no guarantee that he'd go back to where he'd been a moment ago. He'd already tried dispelling a genjutsu and gotten nowhere.

"We're working on that, do we have a truce for now?" asked Kakashi.

"For now, in accordance with Article 26 of the Sarutobi Accord," agreed Zabuza, putting his sword across his back. He knew these Konoha ninja were sticklers for rules like that.

"Help menu," instructed Sakura. "Hit the section there. Okay. You can have one pet active at any given point, but you can swap them out at any given point."

Zabuza glanced at the yellow rabbit thing, figuring that was a pet - and the bull had disappeared as the rabbit appeared so he could swap one for the other. Some sort of summoning contract? But then what was the device?

"So we have a party ready," said Sakura. "Sasuke, Kakashi-sensei, and Zabuza-san in front. Naruto, Rin, and myself in rear. Rin's specified as Healer."

"Well, at least that part makes sense," admitted Rin.

"Am I on that thing?" asked Tazuna, deciding to sit down on a large rock.

"No, oh wait - here you are," said Sakura. "Under mission NPCs, and inactive."

"That explains why I tried to sit down and fell through the rock," noted Tazuna.

"I missed that?" asked Naruto, sounding disappointed.

"So how do we exit?" asked Sasuke.

"Hit that switch. No, go back. THAT switch. Here it is. Either we finish the dungeon, or we die, we quit, or we queue for another dungeon and abandon this one." Sakura glanced up. "'Die'?"

"Hold, adventurers," said a ghostly figure that formed near an archway cut into the rock. "Know you that past here is where a terrible darkness has gathered to threaten the world above!"

"Ah, this would be the quest," said Sakura brightly. "This part is kind of like Monster Ranch Deuteronomy."

"What kind of 'terrible darkness'?" asked Zabuza.

"I wonder if you are up to it," said the ghostly figure.

"It's a predetermined script," guessed Sakura. "Probably can't respond to questions."

"Hey! Maybe I can swap out..." said Naruto, checking a couple of things.

[Hiruzen Sarutobi is not currently available.]

"Oh, darn. Jiji woulda loved getting away from that paperwork stuff," said Naruto.

Kakashi twitched at the thought of what could have happened if Naruto HAD managed to pull the Hokage into this.

The flickering ghostly image nodded as they approached.

Sakura considered for a moment then tried what seemed the simplest approach. "Activate."

The figure just looked at them.

"Switch on. Click. Begin conversation?" tried Sakura.

Naruto scratched his head. "Hello?"

Greetings Adventurers!  
A great darkness lurks beneath the surface,  
Waiting to erupt into the world above,  
Bringing further horror and suffering  
To an already beset world.

If you would stem this infectious darkness  
from the destruction of all you hold dear,  
you must venture to the heart of this temple  
and defeat the enemy you find there.

Accept this Quest Y/N?

"I don't understand all of that," noted Naruto.

"Okay," said Sakura. "Seems straightforward. Yes, I think I understand."

Quest accepted.  
Quit not available  
until boss defeated or party loss

Sakura stared at the message as the NPC faded away.

"Sakura, did you just essentially lock us in here?" asked Kakashi, wanting to be clear on this point.

"Well, let's see where this goes then," said Zabuza. "Maybe I get to kill something. That's always good."

Shapes rounded a corner and came bounding down the corridor.

"Wait a minute, that's..." Zabuza's combat readiness abruptly collapsed.

"Zabuza-samaaaaa!" called out a group of young girls.

_SLASH SLASH SLASH!_

"Oooh," said one of the heads as it rolled to a stop. "You really know how to make an impression on a girl."

_STOMP! SQUISH!_

"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!?" asked Zabuza.

"Overkill, I'd say," said Kakashi.

"According to this 'Undead Yandere x3'," said Naruto.

"Ick!" declared Sakura, looking at the greenish spatter.

"They were some of the Academy students, graduation day," said Zabuza, shuddering slightly as he watched the bits of student crawling towards each other.

"Ah, yes," said Kakashi, turning towards his students. "Kiri used to have this wonderful system in place. Students were encouraged to cooperate and make friends through the Academy. Then, at the graduation, the final test was for each of the shinobi to fight and kill a classmate. They always arranged those fights to be between the best friends or comrades among the students."

"The idea, as I understood it," said Zabuza, using his sword to sweep pieces of Yandere into the lava, "was to have no greater loyalty to anything beyond the village as a whole."

"That continued until Zabuza here, not even a graduate, killed an entire class of graduates," said Kakashi.

Zabuza shuddered. "The dead should remain dead, damnit."

"Well, I sort of disagree," said Rin. "Though I'll admit that one should be either alive OR dead and not both or neither."

"So, to answer your earlier question," said Sakura, looking up from Naruto's device. "This is a 'random dungeon' which apparently is titled 'Unholy Order of Fangirls'."

"Quit! Exit! Escape!" called out Sasuke. "Abort! Stop! Desist!"

"Apparently after Sakura accepted the dungeon, we can't do that," noted Kakashi.

"Well, at least they're coming after the big sword guy," said Naruto.

"Ladies do like a big sword," noted Kakashi.

"Really, Kakashi-sensei?" asked Naruto. "But Sasuke doesn't have a sword and he's really popular - OUCH!"

Sasuke rolled his eyes after Sakura belted Naruto. That had been entirely too predictable.

"Can we get going? I want to get out of here," rumbled Zabuza.

"What's this sparkly bit?" asked Naruto, reaching out and touching something where a body had been.

Loot:  
Your share: 37s

"What's this?" asked Sasuke, pointing.

"We all got 'thirty seven s' - whatever 's' is supposed to mean," noted Kakashi as a little display had opened up before him with that message.

Zabuza checked his belt. "What the- I've got little coins in here."

"The 's' probably means 'silver'," noted Sakura, wiping a bit of greenish splatter off her arm.

Zabuza stared at her for a moment, then looked at Kakashi. "You mean, that in this weird cave thing, that when any of us kill something - we automatically get money out of it?"

"Actually, this is the first time we've done the 'random dungeon' function, but that does appear to be the case," noted Kakashi as he checked and found thirty-seven unfamiliar looking coins in his belt. "Probably have to melt them down for the metal."

"Not that," said Sasuke, pointing at something in midair. "It says here my portion of loot includes 'Sasuke's Speedo.'"

"Sounds like a rare item you can use to upgrade a monster like in the ranch game, or maybe a part for a ranch?" Sakura was momentarily unsure.

_POP!_

Sasuke held up what was clearly a pair of stretchy swimming trunks. "Okay, that's just wrong. It says here 'Sasuke's Speedo. +25% to swimming movement speed.'"

"You should wear it," suggested Sakura.

Sasuke and everyone else, including Rin, all stared at Sakura.

"What?" asked Sakura.

Sasuke rolled the thing up and put in away in a pack. He wasn't going to throw it away, but heck if he was going to wear it anywhere near a place with 'fangirl' in the name.

* * *

"SASUKE-KUNNNN!"

"Fire Release: Great Fireball Technique!"

The flames washed over them, causing one to fall. The remainder continued charging.

"Uhm. 'Flaming Tsundere' - they're fire-resistant but..." Naruto's voice trailed off and he quickly looked from the device to the charging group.

Zabuza began slashing, following by cha-ching noises.

"I enabled auto-loot," said Naruto.

_CLANG!_

A single one of the tsundere pulled out a large sword and parried Zabuza's attack.

_CLANG! CLANG! CRASH!_

"Interesting," said Zabuza as the little girl with the twin-tail hairstyle tried to get through his defenses.

"Thundershock!"

"Pikachuuuuu!" _KA-ZAP!_

* * *

"Kakashi-samaaaa!" called out a quartet of pretty young things, leaping in ambush.

"Me?!" asked a startled Kakashi. Usually they went after Sasuke. A few had gone after Zabuza.

"It says 'It's a Trap - 4 Crossdressing Yaoi Fanboys'," read Naruto, blinking at that and then looking at the leaping pink-clad forms in an entirely different light.

"Gurk," went Kakashi as he realized what was leaping at him.

"This is fate," said Zabuza with a nod.

Just before they reached Kakashi, kunai began hitting the frilly forms. Explosive notes went off.

"Time for a makeover," went a survivor, pulling out a sinister collection of knives with rods and gears stuck in at apparently random.

_KA-ZAP!_

"Good boy, pikachu," said Kakashi, smiling down at the little rodent-thing.

"Piikaaaa!"

38s each  
Sakura: Bunnysuit  
Rin: Nurse Outfit  
Naruto: Cheerleader Outfit

"Huh," said Naruto, selecting it and then making a face. "What?!"

"Oh?" asked Rin, holding up a white tube.

  
Rin's Nurse's Outfit  
adds +10 to Medic-nin skill checks  
while worn.  
"The crisp white nurse uniform is a bit dated, but  
remains a classic in the medical field."

"Okay, let's see how this works," said Rin, examining a glyph on one end of the tube. As soon as she touched it with a finger, she was abruptly wearing an all-white outfit. "Oh. A little lacking in armor value though."

"That means..." Sakura looked at the little pink tube.

  
Sakura's Bunnysuit  
+25% Dodge  
+10' leap  
+10 hearing perception checks  
"Fortunately includes an enchantment  
that allows the wearer to run or leap  
in high heels. The occasional clumsiness  
is unfortunately unavoidable  
but never occurs in combat."  
Red Socket.

"Not wearing it," said Sakura.

"But look at those bonuses," pointed out Naruto.

"Not wearing it. No how no way," insisted Sakura, looking directly at Naruto.

"Well, can't blame you I suppose," said Naruto, holding up an orange tube.

  
Naruto's Cheerleader Outfit  
adds 2 ranks to Inspire skill checks  
while worn.  
+4 to Acrobatics and Performance Checks.  
"Can only be worn in female form. Female form is maintained  
while uniform is worn. Compulsive behavior included at no extra charge."

Sasuke considered that for a few moments. "I don't think ANYONE is going to blame you for not wanting to wear that here."

"Thank you," said Naruto, inclining his head and putting the thing away with a shudder. Just that phrase 'compulsive behavior' sent all sorts of alarms going off in his head.

* * *

They crept out on the ledge in the manner of ninja.

Which really was appropriate all things considered.

Big lake of lava, castle on an island in the center, single stone bridge linking the island with the cavern.

After looking it over, they crawled back into the access tunnel. There was a moment of silence.

"If we dump a bunch of explosive notes into the lava, maybe we can swamp the castle and take out the big bad that way?" suggested Naruto.

"Good idea, but if they can stand that heat in there - that might not take out the boss," pointed out Sakura.

"On the other hand," pointed out Kakashi. "It just might take out the patrols."

"What was that odd outfit they were wearing anyway?" asked Sasuke.

"Dominatrix costumes, black leather with spikes, that also explains the whips," said Kakashi.

Rin, back in her usual outfit, shook her head once. "I don't think we've got that many explosive notes left. Not enough to make that much difference. Maybe if we could bring the cavern's roof down, but then we'd have rock dust and maybe be stuck here if that didn't count as completion."

* * *

"Here's what we'll do," said Kakashi. "To clear this mission, we need to infiltrate that castle, the 'Citadel Of Broken Dreams', and then we have to slay this 'Duchess Of Pain' - correct?"

"Yeah, that's what the updated quest log thingie says," agreed Naruto.

"Ah," said Zabuza, leaning against a tunnel wall and sounding nostalgic. "Sneaking into a castle in order to assassinate some minor lordling, dozens of guards ready to kill or be killed. Those were the good old days."

"It wasn't that long ago," protested Kakashi.

"Well, people hiring assassins aren't that common in Konoha," pointed out Rin. "If you want someone dead, it's usually Kiri or one of the other villages that specializes in that sort of thing that gets the job. Back home we get more 'guard' missions than 'kill' missions. Or at least that used to be the case."

"Well, that's basically true as well," admitted Kakashi.

"I suppose," said Zabuza as he considered that. "If I'd been assigned to guard someone like the old drunk there - I'd probably have blown the mission and killed him myself by now."

Tazuna lowered his bottle, regarded Zabuza for a moment, then shrugged and took another sip.

"Isn't that empty by now?" asked Sakura. "You've been hitting that for the past hour."

"Near as I can tell, no matter how much I drink in this 'dungeon' - the level never goes down," said Tazuna. "Don't know why. Not complaining."

"Can't blame you there," said Zabuza. "Mind if I try a swig?"

Tazuna handed the bottle off. "Knock yourself out."

Zabuza took a long swig of the contents then made a face before pulling his mask back up. "Couldn't find anything of lower quality, old man?"

"It was cheap. Don't have a lot of money," admitted Tazuna.

"Wait a sec," said Naruto. "Something's happening."

[Side Mission: Rescue Princess Y/N?]

"There's a princess to rescue?" asked Naruto, brightening.

"Is there money involved?" asked Zabuza as he handed the bottle back to Tazuna.

"Doesn't say," said Naruto.

Zabuza checked his little stash of money. "I've already made a little more here than I'm getting paid to get rid of the old drunk. If there's money involved - I'd say yes."

"That much?" asked Sakura as she checked. "That's weird. I had all these silver coins here. Now I've got a couple of bronze ones and a little less silver."

Zabuza smirked. "I'll take those bronze coins and trade you my more valuable silver."

"Sakura?" asked Kakashi. "That's gold."

Sakura's eyes got very large. "Wait. I've got three gold coins?"

"Spoilsport," said Zabuza to Kakashi. Kakashi merely shrugged in reply.

Sakura closed her little change-purse and began tucking it away in her backpack.

"So, you've made more off of this run than you would have made from killing Tazuna?" asked Kakashi.

"Which puts me in a... well, I suppose you can't call it a 'moral dilemma'," said Zabuza. "Have to have morals for those. Maybe call it a 'financial dilemma'?"

"Ah," said Kakashi. "Perhaps."

"So, sneak in, rescue some girl, kill this 'Duchess'," said Zabuza, checking his sword. "Sounds like a mission."

"It does at that," said Kakashi.

* * *

"PIKACHUUUU!" _KA-ZAP!_

_Ding!_

[Pikachu is now level 9!]

"All right," said Naruto, fist-bumping his pikachu.

"So what's that mean?" asked Kakashi as the defeated [Level 3 Mooks] vanished.

[Your share: 75s.]  
[Sasuke - Leather Pants.]

"It means that his attack strength and speed went up, and he's one level away from getting an extra attack besides Quick and Thundershock," said Naruto after pulling Pikachu's stats up.

"No, Sakura," said Sasuke, responding to something Sakura had whispered. "I am  not wearing those."

"But it gives you a '+3 to Fire Resistance'," protested Sakura. "Wouldn't that be handy?"

"Pika pi," said Pikachu.

"Okay," said Naruto, checking his device. "I'll let you rest, and pull out... this guy."

Zabuza reappeared out of apparently nowhere, having gone ahead to scout. "Keep it quiet. That room up ahead has an interesting scene going on."

* * *

"Someone want to tell me what's going on?"

"This is intolerable! I demand an explanation!"

"Since we're all prisoners, chained to the wall, in what's obviously a dungeon cell, it seems unlikely any of us are actually responsible for our shared predicament. Correct?"

"Wha' language wa' that?"

"Nerdish, I believe."

"Okay, everyone calm down!"

"I was calm, even considering the situation."

"You're... not human?"

"You can tell? Princess Asrial of Salusia. And you?"

"I've got a gift. You're neither human nor demon. I don't understand."

"I think the cat-eared girl has a point."

"From a study of Earth species, I believe 'skunk' is the appropriate term."

"Whatever. You're a princess. So am I. So is... Shion."

"How do you know my name?" asked the named Shion.

"There are nameplates above everyone's head, and each name is proceeded by the word 'Princess' - ergo we are captured Princesses held in a dungeon. That said, this is the weirdest and most realistic-feeling dream I've ever had."

"I'm not a Princess, I just portray one in the movies."

"I'm not technically a princess, unless you count my identity as Sailor Mercury who was a princess in a previous life."

"I'm not either. What does my nameplate say?"

"Ramen Princess Ayame."

"I work with my father at a ramen stand. I hardly qualify as a princess."

"Yer da' prolly consider ye a princess."

"Well, I certainly don't," said Ayame. "Come to think of it though, he HAS called me that a few times."

"And you're... Princess Merida?" asked the talkative princess. "Where have I heard that name before?"

"Ye heard o' me?" The redhead gave a swift tug at one of her manacles."

"Not sure where, but the name sounds familiar," said the talkative princess. "Oh, and I'm Princess Amelia."

"So we coom to da question of why and how," said Merida, rattling her chains.

The short-skirted girl in blue frowned. "Whatever these shackles are, I haven't been able to access my computer or my magic. They appear to have magic-negating abilities."

"Ye're a magickal princess?" asked Merida.

"So am I, but I haven't been able to access any magic since I woke up here," admitted Princess Amelia.

"Two of ye?" asked Merida. "Ah can only hope ye do better than me own experience with the hocus-pocus stuff."

"You mean like ninjutsu?" asked Ayame, sounding quite confused. "I don't have any chakra techniques but I know OF them."

"Ninjutsu? Are you from a ninja village then?" asked Shion.

"Konohagakure," answered Ayame.

"I've heard of that!" said Shion, seizing on at least SOMETHING being familiar. "You're from my world!"

"Waitaminute," said Princess Asrial. "I remember. Princess Merida - you're from that 'Brave' movie."

"Wha be a 'movie'?" asked Merida.

"Your mother got turned into a bear in a drama in my world," said Asrial.

"Oi! Ye know aboot that?!" asked Merida, blinking.

"And you!" said Asrial, pointing with one leg. "You're Ami Mizuno, Sailor Mercury! And you're Amelia from Slayers! The girl with the creepy sister!"

"Let's really NOT talk about my sister," said Amelia, hanging her head and wondering how long that sister would be a dark cloud hanging over her family. Not that she was hoping anything happened to her, just that she'd stop doing that sort of thing. ANY of that sort of thing.

"So what are we..." Asrial stopped as the door opened.

Five women, looking absolutely identical, in black skintight leather with high heels, walked into the room.

"Oh hell," said Ayame.

"New recruits," said one of the redheaded women, cracking a whip. "We'll make you hurt so good."

"You'll see things our way," said another, cracking her own whip. "Sooner or later."

"We'll make you proper princesses," said a third.

"Ready to wake up now," said Princess Amelia.

"You're all here because our great mistress is seeking to conquer your worlds," said the first redhead. "When you wanted to be elsewhere, away from your duties - you provided the key to your summoning. Our great mistress, the Succubus Queen, has directed us to convert you and then send you back to your homeworlds - as agents of conquest."

"Oh, it's one of THOSE plotlines," muttered Princess Ami. "At least it's not something silly like dream-mirrors this time."

"After all," said one of the false-leather-clad women, snapping her whip as punctuation. "Who could possibly save you now? There is no prince charming, no hero, no rescue for any of you!"

_BOOM!_

The door to the cell flew off its hinges, sweeping aside the lead redhead as it passed, and slammed into the far wall.

The other redheaded leather-clad women looked at the door, then slowly back to the open doorway.

A blonde kid riding an enormous rhinoceros beetle grinned at everyone in the room. "Anyone order ninja heroes?"

"YES!" said several captives.

"What's a 'ninja' anywhoo?" asked Merida.

"Naruto?" asked Ayame.

One of the leatherclad girls cleared her throat. "The Princess you are looking for is in another castle!"

Naruto stared at her.

"Well, it was worth a try," said the redhead, cracking her whip. "Has to work sometime."

"Heracross," said Naruto, patting the side of his mount. "Tackle!"

"Triangle formation! Whips out!" tried one of the remaining four catsuited women just before they were hit by a charging massive beetle.

"Kinda like the Earth-sport of bowling," noted Princess Asrial as the result of the two forces meeting was observed. The result being several faux-leather-clad forms being bounced off walls.

One staggered close to Princess Merida who brought her legs up, and managed to get her ankles scissoring around the woman's neck.

Kakashi and Zabuza just chose a wall to sit back and watch as Team 7 began beating on the redheads, the whips proving to be largely ineffective in short quarters.

"HEY! STOP THAT!" one of the punishers said after being hit by the whip wielded by another of them.

Then the fight was over, the superior numbers and ages of the defenders not up to the assault by the attackers.

Your share: 48s  
Kakashi: Beach Outfit  
Zabuza: Samurai Armor

"Seven seconds, you'll have to do better in the future," said Zabuza, deciding to ignore that for now. Though the tinkle of coins moving around in that little coinpurse gave him a warm and pleasant feeling.

[Choose Which Princess]  
[To Rescue/Recruit]

"But I want to rescue ALL the Princesses... Ayame?" Naruto stared. "You're a Princess?"

"No. My father calls me that every so often, apparently that was enough. And there's a timer on the wall behind you."

"If I'm right, only the first princess you rescue will count for whatever this 'recruit' means," said Sakura, glancing at the timer. "One minute. Does anyone object to being 'recruitable'? I'm thinking that one slot marked 'Guest' would be for summoned characters. Maybe?"

"Do that mean I'd get to swat yon skanky types?" asked Merida, dropping the pummeled-and-partly-strangled dominatrix to the floor.

"I think so," said Sakura.

"Count me in!" said Meridia. "I got dibs on bow or sword."

"Uhm, they looked like yoma, or at least possessed, so I believe that I can offer a certain degree of experience," said the one whose nameplate read "Princess Mercury."

"You said 'only the first'," said Naruto. "Kage Bunshin No Jutsu!"

* * *

[Achievement: Gotta Catch 'Em All!]

"Dattebayo!" cheered Naruto.

"That was verra uncomfortable," said Merida as she rubbed her wrists. And accidently kicked one of the fallen dungeon mistresses in the head. Twice.

"-and I have a visor which allows me to scan my surroundings," said Sailor Mercury to her neighbor.

"That is so cool! It's be great if I could tell what sort of spell would affect a monster before I cast it," said Amelia to Mercury, the two 'magical princesses' comparing notes.

[Guest slot available. You can summon characters]  
[to fill the Guest slot. These Support characters can]  
[add buffs or other abilities to the party. Combat]  
[summon characters can be summoned to open slots in the]  
[party or be put in the Guest slot to use their Support]  
[ability. Summoning is an option available only at the]  
[start of a raid/dungeon or Special Event.]

"How does that work?" asked Ayame, a bit concerned.

Sakura had her head near Naruto's, causing him to be slightly flustered, as she read over his shoulder. "Try that. And there. Now highlight 'Ayame' and see what-"

[Ramen Princess Ayame]  
[Support Type]  
[Support Ability: can summon ramen once per encounter,]  
[Giving special bonuses or 'buffs' that enhance certain]  
[abilities of the character party.]  
[Example: Miso Ramen heals 2% of damage taken every round]  
[while eating.]

"I always knew ramen was awesome," said an impressed Naruto.

"I should have known," said Sakura, rubbing her forehead as if there was a headache coming on.

"Oh," said Ayame. "That makes sense. Sort of. Kind of. I suppose. In some weird way."

Merida frowned. "Wot aboot me?"

[Princess Merida of DunBroch]  
[Combat/Support Type]  
[Support Ability: Can provide steeds for noncombat]  
[movement (+40% movement speed), or provide a bonus]  
[to ranged combat, particularly archery. (+2/+4)]  
[In a combat party slot, uses archery at a distance]  
[and sword techniques at melee range.]

Merida's frown slowly shifted into the sort of mischievous grin that promised incipient violence. "So, yer be sayin' that I kin be laying the smackdown on some poncy types when me Ma might be plannin' some formal la-de-da?"

"If I understand all this, yes," said Sakura, a little uncertainly. This girl certainly didn't act like much of a princess but if she understood what the character information screen said - she actually WAS one.

"I don't get it," said one of the women. "I'm an actress who plays a magical princess in some movies. It's idiotic to assume that gives anyone any advantage and I can't see what I could possibly gain out of this!"

"You can always refuse to be summoned," pointed out Sakura as Naruto began working the little electronic gizmo again.

[Yukie Fujikaze]  
[Other names require unlock conditions]  
[Support/Combat Character]  
[Support Ability: +4 to disguise/henge skill checks.]  
[Combat Party Slot: transforms to Princess Gale and]  
[is able to use sword, spear, axe, or bow.]

Yukie blinked. Blinked again. "I what?"

"As interesting as all this is," said Kakashi, jerking a thumb at the wall, "another timer started up when you did your princess-rescuing and it's about to run out."

"Huh?" said Naruto and at least two 'princesses' as they looked at the wall.

The clock went from "00:01" to "00:00" while they watched. At which point several puffs of smoke heralded the princesses vanishing.

"Aw," said a disappointed Naruto. "I wanted to see Ayame-chan summon ramen."

"Maybe next time," said Zabuza. "Come on, let's get this over with. What's a 'succubus' anyway?"

"Sort of a hannya I think," offered Kakashi.

"Oh, those can be nasty," said Zabuza.

"Personal experience?" asked Kakashi.

"You might say that," replied Zabuza.

"So the boss of this dungeon is the 'Succubus Queen' and she's a hannya of some kind," mused Sakura aloud. "We just faced a midboss, so we're about halfway there."

[Darkness Approaches]

"Or," offered Sakura. "Defeating the mini-boss alerts the boss of the heroes' location and she arrives to personally crush them?"

As the vibration in the floor began increasing, Kakashi nodded. "Sounds about right."

[Princess Rescuing Complete]  
[Heroic Zabuza unlocked]

"I'm a 'hero'?" asked Zabuza, pointing to himself and sounding somewhat amused and surprised. "Someone tell the Mizukage. He might just have a heart attack from the shock."

"Well, anti-hero maybe," offered Kakashi. "Mercenary shinobi perhaps?"

"I'm also really unsure about that 'samurai armor' that dropped a couple of fights ago though," said Zabuza. "Just because I use a sword or something?"

[Succubus Queen appears.]

* * *

Sailor Mercury looked around the table. There were her usual friends, all chatting back and forth, homework in front of them. "Uhm."

"Eh, Ami-chan? Something wrong?" asked Usagi.

"You didn't react to me disappearing and reappearing?" asked Sailor Mercury.

"What are you talking about, Ami-chan?" asked Usagi, who then blinked. "Wait. Why are you transformed?"

She checked and sure enough, she was in Sailor Mercury form and there was some tender skin where the manacles had supported her weight. So it had NOT been a dream.

"So, the time between being summoned and returned is a few seconds at most?" asked Sailor Mercury as she checked readings. "Or is close to zero time passage? Fascinating."

"Ami-chan?" asked Usagi again.

"Something interesting happened," said Sailor Mercury, shifting to Ami Mizuno again to explain things.

* * *

The ninja immediately slipped into "ready" positions.

Naruto leapt off Heracross. All three genin drew kunai.

Rin drew a ninjato she'd picked up three fights ago.

Zabuza held his sword in a ready position.

Kakashi also had kunai out, a spread in each hand.

[Succubus Queen Delilah Appears]

"Who dares to trespass upon my territory?" asked a woman's voice as a stream of bats entered the room, swirled together in a mass and then melted together into a pillar. The pillar shaped itself into a woman as it moved forward.

Raven hair. Ruby lips. Sparks flying from her fingertips. Batlike wings extending from her back.

Zabuza was an old experienced hand at certain things. By the time she'd completely formed, he was already behind her and bringing Kubikiribocho into a high speed decapitation strike.

"Who are-" began the woman before the blade struck, ripping through the neck. The head bounced once as Zabuza held the pose for just a second.

"How rude," said the decapitated head before it morphed into a few bats and flew towards the body.

"It was worth a try," said Zabuza, standing up.

"No it wasn't," indicated the Succubus Queen, making a gesture.

[Succubus Queen uses Infect]

"That doesn't sound good," observed Kakashi.

[0:02:00]

"Sakura, you just got a timer over your head," pointed out Naruto.

"What? Where?" asked Sakura, looking wildly about.

"Chidori!" responded Kakashi, forming lightning around one hand and charging forward.

[Succubus Queen uses Infect]

Kakashi's hand pierced through the chest of the Succubus Queen, still crackling with lightning.

The Succubus Queen responded by grabbing Kakashi and trying to suffocate him in her sizable chest.

"Rin-san?" said Sakura. "You've got a timer over your head."

"I don't think we ought to let our timers run out," said Rin. "Kakashi! Get clear so we can use explosive tags!"

Kakashi waved his hands wildly about, apparently agreeing with the sentiment.

"Not enough water present to do the impressive stuff," complained Zabuza, lopping off the succubus' wings only to see them liquify and flow back into the overendowed humanoid.

"Now you... wait a minute," said the Succubus Queen, plucking Kakashi out from where he'd been suffocating in her chest. "What the hell is this?!"

"We're kind of new at all this ourselves," pointed out Naruto.

"You're what... twelve?!" asked the Succubus Queen.

"No, actually, I'm 21," lied Kakashi.

"Quiet you," said the Succubus Queen. "Those three there are the obvious Heroes. And they are all just as obviously CHILDREN."

"Yeah, so?" asked Naruto.

"Look, you're not even going to get half the references in this dungeon," said the Succubus Queen. "And my plan to infect worlds, turning them into houses of carnal dark delights to feed my infernal appetites? Do you even have the vaguest understanding of any of that?"

"Errr," said Naruto. "No?"

"Look, can you guys come back AFTER your heroes have hit puberty at least?" asked the Succubus Queen.

"We don't even really know how we got here," said Naruto honestly.

"Rin? Your counter stopped at 'zero one'," Sakura informed Rin.

"Oh, so did yours," Rin said after checking.

"I stopped the transformation," said the Succubus Queen, who then turned and glared at Zabuza. "Do you mind? There's really no point in this continuing when the Main Character over there is a child."

"We're ninja, the mission is the main thing," protested Kakashi, using a kunai to slice through the arm holding him. Which immediately reformed but he was no longer being held at arm's length.

"Look, these dungeons are reflections of things out in the multiverse-" tried the Succubus Queen.

"'Multiverse'?" asked Zabuza.

"Multiple universes," said the Succubus Queen. "There are universes where you were born a woman, or are a samurai or dragoon or something. Then there are completely different branches where entirely different universes formed. It's complicated and I'm a Succubus Queen, not a physicist."

"So... you're not going to fight us?" asked Sakura.

"Well, you can always come back when you're-" began the Succubus Queen.

"Fire Release! Great Fireball Jutsu!"

The blast knocked the Succubus Queen backwards. When she came back up, her expression looked to be about two notches up past furious.

"Don't dismiss us," said Sasuke, pretty darn angry himself.

"Fine!" declared the Succubus Queen, making a slashing motion.

_Tik_ went the counter over Sakura's head.  
_Tok_ went the counter over Rin's head.

"Uh oh," said Naruto.

* * *

Rin and Sakura went down like marionettes whose strings had been cut, completely limp.

"They died?!" asked an aghast Naruto. "Sasuke killed them?!"

"Death is part of being a ninja," grumbled Zabuza as he used his sword to block a wing that had morphed into a spiked tentacle. "The biggest part in fact."

"Hah," said the Succubus Queen, making a dramatic gesture. "Arise now as my minions!"

An aura of light surrounded both corpses as they floated to an upright position. Their bodies shifted as the glow intensified. When it cut off they were still recognizable, but dressed differently and looked fairly odd to Naruto.

"Oh come on, they're stacked even more than my centerfold jutsu!" complained Naruto.

Kakashi and Zabuza BOTH looked.

"Can I cook, or can't I?" asked Succubus Queen Delilah.

Rin stretched out as if awakening, her white latex nurse uniform moving like a second skin. The huge syringe that she twirled like an overly thick bo staff a moment later managed an evil gleam as she posed. "Naughty Nurse. I think my patient needs restraints and a full proctology workup!"

"WHA?!" asked Kakashi as he was suddenly bound in leather straps to a bed. His eye bulged a bit as he saw the way Rin was bump-and-grinding towards his position with that syringe held up.

Sakura smirked and licked her lips. "Sadomasochist Schoolgirl. Oh, my poor boyfriend needs a -"

"FIREBALL JUTSU!"

"Oh that was cold," said Delilah. "You didn't even let her finish her opening statement."

"Actually, that wasn't cold at all," said the blackened and smouldering Sakura. "I feel the burn."

Sasuke threw shuriken at Sakura.

"WAIT!" yelled Naruto, throwing kunai himself in an attempt to hit Sasuke's shuriken with his own. His aim wasn't as good as Sasuke's though.

"Ooooh, it just makes me more hot for you, Sasuke-kun," crooned the stabbed and burned Sakura.

"Pikachu! Thundershock!"

"Pikapi!" agreed Pikachu as he sent an arc of electricity to wash over the busty Sakura as she shambled forward.

Sakura went down.

Naruto was about to say that that was the wrong target and he'd wanted to zap Sasuke, but Sakura was down now.

[Congratulations! Defeated Sakura Haruno.]  
[Sakura Haruno is now a recruitable]  
[character! If not present at beginning]  
[of raid/dungeon/spar,you can attempt to]  
[summon Sakura Haruno.]  
[Unlocked Sparring Chamber]  
[Sparring mode is now available.]  
[Unlocked Cherubi pokemon!]

"Pika," said a tired-looking pikachu.

"Okay," said Naruto absently, seeing how Rin was pulling one of the kunai he'd missed Sasuke's shuriken with out of one leg. "Pikachu, you did good! Rest now! Heracross, I summon you! Tackle Rin!"

"Wha?!" yelped Rin before an extremely large rhinocerous beetle smashed into her.

Kakashi landed on his back as the restraints and bed vanished. "Good thinking, Naruto. How'd you know those would dispel when she was knocked out?"

"Uhm. I'm getting better at this?" tried Naruto rather than admit it was just a lucky guess.

[Congratulations! Defeated Rin Nohara.]  
[Rin Nohara is now a recruitable]  
[character! If not present at beginning]  
[of raid/dungeon/spar,you can attempt to]  
[summon Rin Nohara.]  
[Unlocked Chansey pokemon!]

"Such ruthlessness," said the Succubus Queen. "No hesitation in striking down your comrades."

"Ninja," pointed out Sasuke.

"Well, there's that," admitted Succubus Queen Delilah. "So we go back to the stalemate."

"Heracross dismiss, summoning-" Naruto paused as he went down the list and spotted something that looked new. "Foxgirl Kunoichi."

_FWAM!_ a pressure wave went out centered on Naruto.

The torches which had been evenly spaced and glowing at a set radiance since entering the dungeon proper all dimmed and shifted to a reddish glow.

_Th-thump!_ was a sound that would have been like a heartbeat except it was way too loud.

Naruto dropped to his knees, clutching his head, as a circle of red formed in front of him like a pool of blood.

Something came out of that pool.

* * *

At first he'd thought that the Kyubi was getting loose. No, there was rage here to be sure. But it wasn't an unfocussed rage.

Kakashi knew he'd be exhausted later, but moved his eyepatch upward to more properly see what he thought he saw rising up out of that pool of blood that Naruto had just vomitted up.

With the Sharingan, he could see that the blood had spread in a perfect circle. Kakashi could also see exactly what he thought he was seeing and that this was NOT a genjutsu.

"Kushina," breathed Kakashi as the woman stood there, looking around her. Though the clothes were odd. Some sort of kimono mixed with something else. And the fox ears and lashing four tails behind her were also new.

"WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!" asked Succubus Queen Delilah, transforming her wings into tentacles which she lashed out with.

Kushina made a slashing motion with one hand and both tentacles burned with crimson flames so intense he felt the heat rolling over him where he lay and he was a little surprised his hair hadn't caught fire.

"What the hell are you?!" screeched the Succubus Queen, her wings now ragged stumps.

Kushina raised her hand, pointing her right palm at the Queen. Red chains appeared around her, lashing out to wrap around the Succubus Queen.

The Queen thrashed a moment as flames erupted from the chains, then died.

"Kakashi Hatake," grumbled Zabuza as he slowly got up from where he'd been tossed earlier. "What exactly is that?"

Kakashi gave an honest guess, but then again he WAS pretty rattled by this. "That's Naruto's mother, back from the dead to protect her son."

Zabuza flinched as that woman's gaze passed over him, the look she gave him giving the swordsman the impression he was an insect and she just wasn't motivated to squish him at the moment.

Then Kakashi found himself the recipient of a gaze from that woman. "Uhm. Hi, Kushina. Looking good. Well, better than you did when you died at least. Did I mention that I'm Naruto's beloved sensei?"

Zabuza made a choked noise that might have indicated something of his opinion towards Kakashi's statement.

She walked past the two fallen women, glancing once down at Sasuke and looking puzzled for just a moment. She stopped in front of Naruto, placed one hand on his head, and then faded out again.

"So," said Zabuza, putting out a fire that had started near his foot, "that fox-spirit was the boy's mother. That explains the whisker marks. Who died and apparently came back as a spirit of vengeance when her son was endangered."

"Something vaguely sort of like that I suppose," said Kakashi, feeling winded.

"I never thought I'd say this, Kakashi Hatake," said Zabuza. "But I think I'm getting too old for this. And I pity you if she ever decides you are slacking in her son's training."

"Sometimes I'm feeling a bit old myself," admitted Kakashi, not wanting to contemplate the second part of this statement.

A piece of ceiling came down.

* * *

Sakura startled awake, then began clutching herself. "I'm alive?! I'm alive! ALIVE!!!"

"Yeah, we noticed," said Naruto, holding his hands near his ears. "Rin's been awake for about fifteen minutes."

"Dying in the dungeon is apparently NOT permanent," said Kakashi.

"I kind of figured that when both Sakura and myself were disembodied and floating around near our corpses," said Rin. "So, do we know what's going on with the swordsman? He'd left before I woke up."

"Just that he had a lot of things to think over and that he considered the truce to still be active until he'd finished thinking things over," said Kakashi.

"You let him go?!" asked Sakura.

"Meh, I have a lot of things to think over too," said Kakashi, waiting for it.

"That was Naruto's mom?!" asked Sakura.

"Ah, so you DID see all that," noted Kakashi.

"I wish I'd seen all that," said a seemingly-depressed Naruto.

"Your mother seems... formidable," noted Sasuke.

* * *

"Zabuza-sama?" asked Haku, having followed Zabuza back to their lair.

"How much time passed while I was in that dungeon?" asked Zabuza.

"'Dungeon'?" asked Haku.

Zabuza Momochi considered Haku for a few moments silently then nodded. "So. Time there was not equal to time here. Another bit to consider."

Haku fidgeted as Zabuza was being mysterious, even more than usual.

Taking a small leather pouch off his belt, Zabuza upended the contents - sending a small scattering of coins across a tabletop.

Haku stared. "Is that... gold?"

Zabuza looked at the pile of coins. "We can't break the contract with Gato. If we do, and word gets out, then we lose potential business. Yes, that's gold."

"That's more than three times what we are getting from Gato," noted Haku aloud.

"I noticed," said Zabuza with a grunt. "Somehow. I have to come up with some plan. Don't kill the Konoha ninja, but not break the contract with Gato. This will be tricky."

"Don't kill them?" asked Haku, as that HAD been the plan. Not that he had a particular trouble with not killing someone. It was just unusual for Zabuza to indicate that as a goal.

"The job just got a lot more complicated," indicated Zabuza, whose eye went back to the pretty pile of gold and silver and little bronzish looking coins. "Also a lot more profitable, and if we play things right - more profitable in the future as well."

"Ah," said Haku. Since the main point of gaining profit was to stay alive and eventually finance a second coup attempt - more money was a good motivator.

* * *

Naruto clicked a few buttons with Sakura watching over a shoulder.

  
**Available sum-mon**  
Pikachu - Naruto starting mon  
Tauros - Mizuki defeated  
Dark Phoenix Hatchling - Sasuke defeated  
Infernape - Hiruzen Sarutobi defeated (locked)  
Heracross - Recruited Seven-tails  
High Pixie - Recruited Fuu of Takigakure  
Cherubi - defeated Sakura Haruno  
Chansey - defeated Rin Nohara  


"Okay," said Sakura, pointing. "Click there. And now click that. And there."

  
**Summonable for party slots**  
Fuu of Takigakure - available  
Hiruzen Sarutobi -(locked)  
Rin Nohara - available  
Sakura Haruno - available

  
**Summonable for guest slot**  
Ramen Princess Ayame - Ramen buffs and heals. [No.]  
Princess Merida of DunBroch - Archery/Move Bonus. [Yes.]  
Yukie Fujikaze - Weapon Wielder/Disguise Bonus. [No.]  
Princess Asrial of Salusia - Tech/Defense Buff. [No.]  
Shion of Demon Country - Perception Bonus. [Yes.]  
Sailor Mercury - Water Jutsu/Analysis. [No.]  
Princess Amelia of Seirune - White Magic/Morale Buff. [Yes.]

"This is all very strange," said Tsunami, watching her father and these ninja all gathered around in her home's common room and apparently fascinated with a little device that one of them had.

"I'm not a guest character?" bemoaned Tazuna. "I was hoping you could buy off my 'arthritis' disadvantage."

"Speaking of which," said Sakura. "Go to my character screen."

A fanfare began playing from the device.

[Sakura Haruno has leveled up!]  
[Sakura Haruno has one attribute point to spend!]  
[Sakura Haruno has one trait point to spend!]  
[Sakura Haruno has reached level 5!]  
[Specialty Path Unlocked!]

"Level 5? Is that good?" asked Naruto.

"The adds from my last change are still there," noted Sakura as she gestured for Naruto to scroll down the screen on his interface device. "Strength 1.5, Speed 1.5, Stamina 1.5 so changes there are apparently permanent. Hmmm. Wait. Chakra level? That's new. And low. But I can work on that on my own. Let's go with putting the one point in Kenjutsu."

"Can't," said Naruto as he tried.

"So I see," said Sakura, who then explained for those who didn't have a clear view of the screen. "It only allows for a half-point and then brought up a text-box that said I lack an instructor to properly learn that skill."

"So if we recruit Zabuza you could maybe learn from him?" asked Naruto.

"Naruto," explained Kakashi, "you can't simply go around recruiting missing-nin to your cause."

"Why not?" asked Naruto.

"Because they're missing-nin, they're liable to kill you at any given moment," said Kakashi.

"Awwww," predictably pouted Naruto.

"Try this box," indicated Sakura, focussed on the task at hand. "Specialty Path? Says 'requires trainer' - but I can at least look. Oh. Hmmm. Tag that and see what comes up, and that button there for full display."

A slightly transparent full-size image of Sakura appeared in front of Naruto. This one was older, perhaps sixteen, looking serious. That this was a Sakura as medic of the time of the Fourth Shinobi War was not apparent to those assembled.

"'Medic Sakura. Requires Naruto to complete 'Recruit Tsunade' quest for full training though groundwork for skill can be begun prior to Chunin Exam questline. Capitalizing on her exceptional intelligence and chakra control, Medic-nin Sakura follows the path of Tsunade to become a legendary level medic-nin herself,'" read off Sakura. "Oh. I like that one."

"Huh," said Sasuke, sounding slightly approving. It DID sound useful.

"Try that one," said Sakura, pointing at a second one.

The Sakura image changed and drew an "eep" from Sakura as she looked over the fishnet armor, leather bikini, trenchcoat, armored gauntlets and leggings.

"'Poison Flower Sakura,'" read off Naruto. "'Gaining the attention of Anko Mitarashi, she studies poisons and gains the snake summoning contract. Having found and exploited her dark side, this Sakura is the second-strongest in combat potential and the most likely to use Silent Killing and other assassination methods to accomplish her goals. Fast-tracked to ANBU after reaching Chunin.' I dunno, Sakura. This really doesn't seem to fit you too well."

"Let's NOT go there," agreed Sakura. Still, there WAS something about the self-confident but cruel stance and expression on this Sakura that seemed to appeal to her. "Try this one with the swirl-mist eye icon."

This Sakura stood in a half-crouch. One hand was up in a Ram hand-seal at eye-level. The other hand was back and holding a kunai. Dressed like the medic-nin version, though this one had long leather-looking bracers and fingerless gloves and leggings and a pair of long knives at her belt.

"'Mistress of Genjutsu Sakura,'" read off Sakura, much more comfortable with this one's appearance. "Requires the 'Matchmaker' special mission be completed. Sakura gets tutoring from Kurenai Yuhi and pointers to use her exceptional intelligence and chakra control, as well as developing her multitasking to new levels, to become a genjutsu specialist. Stealth, misdirection, some use of poisons, and always has a backup plan - this Sakura always leaves her opponents guessing. Is at a disadvantage however when fighting opponents with advanced dojutsu.' Well, that makes sense."

"The Sharingan can see through genjutsu," noted Kakashi. "Not that you'd typically be fighting a Sharingan user."

"Unless we're sparring," said Sasuke simply.

"Let's leave the other choices for now," said Sakura. "Kenjutsu Expert Sakura sounds interesting. As does 'Scholar Sakura' but leave the half-point in Kenjutsu for now and bring up Sasuke's stat screen."

"Hn," agreed Sasuke. Yes, it was cheating to get himself stronger. Which meant he might hesitate for a moment before doing it. Didn't mean he wouldn't do it.

[Sasuke Uchiha has leveled up!]  
[Sasuke Uchiha is now level 5!]  
[Sasuke Uchiha has three attribute points to spend!]  
[Sasuke Uchiha has two trait points to spend!]  
[Specialty Path unlocked!]

"That," said Sasuke, pointing.

"Let's see," said Naruto. "Specialty Path. Dark Avenger, Missing-nin, Crazy, Harem Master, Justice Blade, Playboy Sasuke, Sasuke 1/2, and Ninjutsu Master Sasuke."

Rin and Sakura stared at Sasuke. Sasuke ignored them.

"'Harem Master'?" asked Rin, sounding as if just the concept was distasteful to her.

"'Playboy Sasuke'?" asked Sakura, sounding as if the concept was so alien she couldn't grasp it.

Naruto was momentarily thoughtful. "I think those two would indicate you put that 'renew your clan' bit ahead of the 'kill that someone' part you said back when we were introducing ourselves to Kakashi-sensei."

Everyone considered that for a moment and finally there were a few nods.

"So 'Harem' would be where you try to collect girls, and 'Playboy' would be 'seduce and leave' as a strategy?" theorized Kakashi.

"Whatever," indicated Sasuke that he had no real interest in either path. "See what that one does."

The full display brought up an older-looking Sasuke. Some breastplate armor, dark blue with shoulder pads. Bracers. Hair out of its current style to hang back in a loose ponytail. He was standing in a relaxed pose, with both hands in front of his chest in a Tiger hand-seal.

"'Ninjutsu Master Sasuke is possible if the Missing-Nin and Dark Avenger paths are rejected during the appropriate questlines. This Sasuke is a master of a thousand jutsu, though he specializes in raining fire and destruction upon his foes. Rarely bothering with subtle, he seeks to overwhelm his enemies with powerful forces. Turning from his inner darkness, he also seeks to spare other clans from the tragedies that befell his own.'" Sasuke was silent for a moment as he considered that, then he nodded as that DID sound appropriate. Though he couldn't really abandon the need for vengeance.

"Why is there a 'missing-nin', 'crazy', and '1/2' involved?" asked Naruto. "Half what?"

"Doesn't matter," said Sasuke.

"I think it... matters?!" asked Naruto, having pressed the 'Sasuke 1/2' choice and now openly staring.

"Why is Sasuke a GIRL?" demanded Sakura, looking at the image.

Sasuke wanted to know that himself and so read out the text. "'Having rejected other paths before him, Sasuke turns to hidden and forbidden texts and discovers that the unlock conditions on the Sharingan's powers are different for male versus female wielders, as well as some powers being different. Rejecting the fate he had earned, Sasuke goes back in time after getting to one of the Tragic Endings and finds that he was now born a she. Requires one of the Fail or Tragic Endings be used. One (#8) found. Warning: Powerful Sasuke and may fall into squick category for some characters.'"

"You're not seriously considering that, are you?" asked Sakura, a bit put off by Sasuke's expression.

"No, of course not," answered Sasuke. "As Sakura suggested, we should leave that all for now."

"What was 'Tragic Ending' about?" asked Rin.

"Go to my stats," requested Sasuke. "I want to spend those points before any more interruptions. Yes. Skills and Traits. Put one point in Strength. One in Ninjutsu. One half point in Intelligence and Speed. Save."

Sasuke's eyes widened and he swayed slightly.

"You took that better than Sakura-chan did," noted Naruto.

"I was expecting painful, not -" Sasuke frowned. "Never mind."

"I wouldn't exactly call it 'pain' precisely," hedged Sakura, who'd experienced it before.

"Spend the trait points there and there," instructed Sasuke. "Now save. Good. Thanks, dobe."

"You just have to get a dig in, even when you're getting a favor," noted Rin.

"Let's see the sheet now," said Sakura, wanting a good look.

Skills & Traits - Sasuke Uchiha  
Chakra Control - 2  
Hand Seals - 3  
Intelligence - 2.5  
Speed - 3.5  
Stamina - 2  
Strength - 3  
\-----------  
Bojutsu - 0  
Fuuinjutsu - 1  
Genjutsu - 1.5  
Kenjutsu - 1  
Kyokugei - 1  
Ninjutsu - 3.5  
Shurikenjutsu - 3  
Taijutsu - 2.5  
Trapmaking - 1  
\-----------  
Bunshin - 2  
Henge (Hensojutsu) - 2  
Kawarimi - 1.5  
Sharingan Use - 1  
\-----------  
-TRAITS-  
Uchiha Bloodline - fire affinity, Sharingan, overstimulation of hippocampus can cause chakra poisoning and damage to nearby brain centers.  
Sharingan 1st stage activated.  
Fire affinity +1.  
\-----------  
-DISADVANTAGES-  
Lingering effects of genjutsu inflicted by Itachi.  
Hunted by Orochimaru.  
Watched by Akatsuki.  
Pursued by Fangirls.  
Monitored by ROOT.

"Ah, so that's what does it," muttered Rin apparently to herself.

"Hmm?" asked Kakashi.

"Nothing, just something for me to research later," Rin said.

"You're hunted by OROCHIMARU?!" asked Sakura, staring at Sasuke.

"News to me," indicated Sasuke. That it was a bit concerning was left unsaid.

"Ah," said Kakashi. THAT was a priceless bit of intel that he'd have to make sure was in red and underlined when he turned in this report.

"There's that Akatsuki again," muttered Naruto. "Sounds like they may be major pains-in-the-butts. Why'd you spend a point on 'Fuuinjutsu' anyway?"

"Some writings I want to re-examine when we return to Konoha," said Sasuke, choosing to answer but keep it mysterious.

"What about me?" asked Rin.

"This may take some time," said Kakashi, standing up. "I'll be patrolling and sending a nin-dog with a mission update back to Konoha. Let me know when my turn comes up."

* * *

"Zabuza-sama, I have completed my investigation," said Haku as he dropped to the floor.

"And?" prompted Zabuza Momochi.

"The Konoha genin team is at the house of the bridgebuilder. Gato is inspecting cargo but had these in his safe," said Haku, placing a folder on the desk in front of Zabuza.

"Interesting, Kiri notes," said Zabuza as he went over the budget and noted one line in particular. "So he was planning on paying us off in notes we'd have to enter Kiri to get face-value for. Otherwise we're looking at anywhere from a 30% to 70% loss."

Haku remained silent as his Master went through various line-items.

"He's making how much off slaves?" asked Zabuza. "Didn't know there were still mines that operated there."

"So Gato Shipping is into the slavetrade, drugs, and... oh that just rankles. Did you see this?" asked Zabuza, pointing to one particular line.

"I saw, but do not understand it," said Haku.

"There are lines even I won't cross, except maybe without a LOT more money," said Zabuza, who then paused and thought about it. "A lot more. Really a lot more. You're better off if you don't understand it."

Haku really wasn't sure what to make of that.

"I already disliked working for that fat little weasel," said Zabuza. "Okay. I've seen enough. Put it back when you can do it without anyone knowing."

* * *

Sakura went over her notes, sitting where she could keep an eye on the bridge and crew, trying to figure out her strategy. She still had one-half a point for attributes, plus that trait point.

Her existing traits, remembered from when she'd last looked, were: Harumori bloodline (whatever that was), and 'Obsession With Sasuke Uchiha' - though why was that a trait?

Considering that there was a 'god of mischief' involved - it might indicate something tricky or concealed. Or it COULD be that as this had all been thrown together in the space of a few minutes - this was some detail that wasn't fixed.

Sakura looked down at where she'd been writing out notes and frowned as her hand had written out a bit more. 'detail to be fixed with a later patch or upgrade.'

Sakura began looking around, then finally decided to address the sky. "So you're back?"

"More like checking in from time to time to see how things are developing," said a voice nearby.

Sakura was a little startled to look into a bucket of water and see her own reflection looking back. Which wouldn't be that startling if it wasn't that clear and moving independent of how she herself was moving. "Why me?"

"Why not you?" asked the image Sakura.

"Why are you contacting me?" asked Sakura.

"I'm not. I was checking in and you decided to address me," said the image.

"Well, what's up with those traits?" asked Sakura.

"Will you remove your restriction on Naruto?" asked the image.

"What restriction?" asked Sakura, not getting it.

"He won't use the Dating Sub-Game since you threatened bodily violence upon him if he does," said the image-Sakura.

"So, I remove the restriction and you answer my questions?" asked Sakura. "What makes you think I'm going to play your game?"

"Because you already are, and it gives you an incredible advantage that you're working out means of exploiting to the fullest?" asked the image.

"Uhm," said Sakura, who hadn't expected QUITE that response.

"Of course I know you're doing that," said the image Sakura, rolling her eyes. "I may not understand human existence all that well, but I know that much about humans. That's part of what makes you interesting."

"Uhm, right," said Sakura.

"Deal?" asked the image.

"Deal," agreed Sakura, already working on ways to minimize damage.

"Your hair color is very unusual, those who have it and green eyes even more so," said the image. "The Harumori bloodline was essentially a ninja clan formed a couple of centuries after the time of the Sage Of Six Paths."

"The Sage isn't a myth?" asked Sakura. "I've only run into a couple of references in history books."

"Less time than you might think has passed since then," said the image. "The Harumori clan were only ninja for a brief time, they were defeated and scattered during the pre-Village period of constant battles. In this reality at least. Your clan special ability was a gift for gardening."

"You mean like the Mokuton?" asked Sakura, momentarily getting excited.

"No, nothing so flashy," said her image. "Being able to phase into and through wood. If the line had continued for a few more generations, you might have ended up with dryads. If that bloodline was more active, it would simply make you a better sensor - everything else has been lost in the intervening generations."

"A chakra sensor?" asked Sakura, thinking that STILL sounded useful.

"As it is, with the next update, your traits will be 'Perfect Chakra Control' and 'Eidetic Memory'," said her image.

"What about this 'Dating Sub-Game'?" asked Sakura.

"I doubt anything will come of it," admitted her image. "If he activates it, it's something that will only be playable when not in combat. Mostly it'll display affection levels and some character information when he uses Scan."

"'Scan'?" asked Sakura.

"Just a little something something," said her image before the water rippled and cleared.

"That does NOT fill me with great confidence," said Sakura.

There was no answer.

"If it were ME playing a game like that, I'll bet I could do better," said Sakura. Naruto? Naruto defined clueless.

* * *

Naruto blinked. "You want me to activate it? But you said-"

"I know what I said," said Sakura. "I want to explore it while we're here and relatively safe."

"Okayyyy," said Naruto, frowning as he started flipping through the menus. "Okay. It's on."

"Now, there should be something marked 'Scan' in there," said Sakura.

"What? Scan? I... Oh." Naruto blinked.

"What do you see?" asked Sakura, dreading the answer.

"'Sasuke Uchiha, one half heart, not currently date-able, relationship: tolerated team member.'"

Sakura found herself doing a facepalm and eyebrow twitch.

"Not ME, idiot," said Sasuke.

"Fine fine," said Naruto, turning his attention to Sakura. "Scan!"

"Can you do it WITHOUT saying that word and being completely obvious about it?" asked Sasuke.

Sakura looked up from her facepalm to see the pole-axed expression on Naruto's face. "What?"

"You... don't even like me a little, Sakura?" asked Naruto in a pained voice.

"Uhm," said Sakura, now REALLY wondering what this scan revealed.

"Did the room just darken with a little spotlight focussed from above on Naruto?" asked Sasuke.

"Sorry," said Tsunami. "I was adjusting the lights."

"Better," said Sasuke as the lighting returned to normal.

"WHAT does it say, Naruto?" asked Sakura.

"I've just got a tiny little sliver of red in a black heart?" asked Naruto, pointing at her. "Relationship reads as 'annoying team member'? Sasuke likes me better than you do?"

Noting how Naruto had just slumped to his knees and gone to 'picture of dejection' - Sasuke rolled his eyes. "Well, so much for getting anything done tonight. You just broke him, Sakura."

"I didn't know it would be that bad!" countered Sakura. "It's not true! I... at least tolerate him!"

"Oh kami, I'm not even being 'friend-zoned'?" asked Naruto. "The world is a cold and dark place."

"Hnnn," agreed Sasuke.

"All that from a 'scan'?" asked Sakura.

_Bleep!_

Sakura kept from saying anything. Just that she was now faced with four possible actions on a screen that had popped up in front of her. NOT Naruto.

[1. Quietly Walk Away.]  
[2. Console Naruto verbally.]  
[3. Tell him to grow a pair and get over it.]  
[4. Kiss him.]  
[5. Scream and Run Away.]

"If there was any doubt about a god of mischief being involved," grumbled Sakura, she jabbed out at one of the numbers.

Sakura blinked. She hadn't pushed THAT did she? Oh crap it was highlighted and things were beginning to move again and...

"Hmph," said Sakura, her gaze cold. "You're a boy, Naruto. So grow a pair and get over it!"

[Relationship]  
[Naruto Uzumaki - Unrequited Love.]  
[Changed To]  
[Naruto Uzumaki - Dislike.]

Sakura watched Naruto go running off.

Sasuke shook his head. "That certainly didn't go well."

Sakura blinked. There were options floating in front of her.

[1. Tell Sasuke you'd never let Naruto get between you.]  
[2. Tell Sasuke that Naruto needed to hear that.]  
[3. Go yandere on Sasuke.]  
[4. Kiss Sasuke.]  
[5. Scream and run away.]

"Ki-kiss?" asked Sakura.


	13. Pokemon and Naruto

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> saw a few Naruto/Pokemon crossovers, all of which assume that the Elemental Nations is in the same world as the Pokemon franchise. i really didn't think that idea worked too well, so i came up with this.

 

 

 

**Another Fistful Of Omake**

by Greylle

DISCLAIMER: Naruto from Kishimoto, Nintendo owns pokemon.  
NOTE: Something a little weird but possibly amusing.

Omake 31: Pokenin

* * *

The Aramarian pantheon was philosophy-based. Each espoused a particular way of looking at the world, of dealing with events, and had a role within the society based on such factors.

Toltiir was the god of humor, pranks, pratfalls, and mischief within that group - though he predated that group of Beings by a considerable period. An Elder who had borne many names and identities over eons.

The god he was addressing was completely different. Much less than a million years of experience as the Aramarian god of healing, Etragar the Benevolent. Once, long ago, he'd been human. He retained that quality to some extent - being the most human of the pantheon despite the years and having his flesh boiled away in a sea of power.

"So you see, a bad situation," stated Toltiir. "Hero of Prophesy. No Plot Armor. Crapsack World really, when you consider the death rates and everything."

"It looks like one of those worlds where magic interacts with the casters," noted Etragar, bringing up images of the Inuzuka clan. As the patron of white magic and healing - it was one of the first things he looked at. "Remember those dark elves that decided to settle into the volcanic areas?"

"That was deliberate, and I don't think these are that," noted Toltiir.

"Well, the precedent is there if you wanted to use that. What kind of magic did the boy's parents use?" Etragar began working out the math.

"The boy's father was known as the 'Yellow Flash' due to a teleport-jutsu," noted Toltiir, thinking of an approach to use.

"So, if you have it normally as a slow process - clan techniques eventually leading to what they locally call a 'kekkei genkai' - you can put in something where it isn't so gradual in certain cases," said Etragar. "Establish a precedent then follow that."

"A rare one, that could work," admitted Toltiir. The cat focussed a bit. "There that'll do it. Minor family, clan-based technique for exceptional nightvision, developed a cat-eye dojutsu in one generation after the technique was developed."

"Uzuki, eh?" asked Etragar. "Well, that's appropriate I suppose."

"With that known about, a teleport hijutsu that Naruto can manage might just help him out," said Toltiir, getting more enthusiastic. "Not to mention what can happen when it misfires or he gets bounced from the initial target."

"That's more your area of specialty than mine," admitted Etragar.

"Oh. Someone saw him accidently switch it on and they're freaking out about the fox again," complained Toltiir. "Honestly, teleporting thirty feet and now there's a panic about a kaiju chakra monster fox. No logic there at all."

"Humans can often be quite illogical, I know - I was one myself," pointed out Etragar.

"Yes, well, you mostly got over it," pointed out Toltiir. "But I can use this!"

* * *

Naruto looked around. "Uhm. How did this happen again?"

"Na-Naruto-kun," mumbled Hinata as she tapped her fingers together.

"I don't know, but I heard that they wanted a kunoichi to take a mission," declared Ino. "I will prove to Sasuke that I'm the right girl for him because I got a mission done even before the team sorting!"

"HEY! That's MY line, Ino-pig!" declared Sakura.

"They wanted me to test my teleport, to see how far I could go, but this is ridiculous," said Naruto. "Oh well, here goes."

"I realize with that massive forehead of yours that you can't compete in any other way," said Ino. "So stop trying to steal my ideas."

"YOUR ideas?!" Sakura glared at Ino, shoulders twitching. "This was MY idea in the first place!"

"Hah! As if I would stoop to stealing from you, Forehead."

"Uhm," said Hinata, getting ready to try and intercede.

"I ought to practice my taijutsu on you, THAT will show Sasuke who's better!"

"You want to try it? With that forehead, you can probably head-butt pretty good but other than that-"

"Oh, now you've done it!"

"Almost there," said Naruto as a circle of light appeared around the group.

"Please stop," said Hinata, getting in between the two before two punches landed on her face.

Ino and Sakura stared as the girl fell against Naruto, as Naruto began falling and then-

It was rather like being spun around, pulled through a narrow pipe, slammed into a wall, and then kneaded like bread dough.

* * *

"Uhm, where's the room?" asked Ino, as they HAD been in a room and now they most definitely were NOT.

"WHERE THE HELL ARE WE NOW?!" asked Sakura.

A forest was the obvious answer. A deep thick forest that stretched out in all directions. The only visible landmark was the clearing they were in and the piece of paper that held something that looked like a summoning seal.

"Ouch," said Naruto, getting up and staring as he noticed their surroundings.

"ARGH!" said Sakura, punching Naruto for good measure. Though she thought a moment later that maybe she should have waited until he'd put Hinata down first. "We've got to get to class! Today we get team assignments! Sasuke will go on someone's team!"

"You're not going without me!" exclaimed Ino as she took off after Sakura. To be fair, if both of them hadn't been quite so obsessed with the thought of Sasuke, neither of them would have been quite so blinded to events. They weren't thinking with their heads though.

"...but," said Naruto as the two stalked off into the woods.

Hinata, it turned out, had hit her head on a rock when Naruto had been knocked on his butt by Sakura's punch.

Fortunately there was a stream nearby and he could wet a hankerchief to use as a cold compress.

* * *

"Hmmm?" asked Ino to herself as she bent to examine a plant. "This isn't right. Konoha is in a cold temperate area. So why is a plant like THIS growing here?"

That having penetrated, Ino turned her attention to the other foliage around her and quickly cataloged things. There were a number of plants she didn't know. Those she DID know were of an entirely different climate than the one in which Konoha was located.

She waved away a cloud of small gnats who had apparently decided her floral shampoo's scent was intriguing, and considered her findings. "Sakura? I think we're not close at all to the village? Sakura? Oh bother. Where'd she go?"

* * *

"It's beginning to get warm," noted Naruto as the sun climbed. Wherever they'd arrived, it had been early morning. As the sun climbed, so did the temperature and humidity.

A good thing he'd packed a big lunch with a few of those protein bars. "Ninja Snax - For Ninjas On The Go." or so the advertising said.

A rustling in the bushes caught Naruto's attention as something sniffed the air a few times before stepping out into the clearing, revealing itself as a sort-of fox creature?

* * *

Outside of Naruto's space/time, Etragar indicated a bit of reality modification. "Why?"

"It's more amusing if he can play Doctor Doolittle with pokemon," indicated Toltiir. "Just fox-types to begin with. With more experience he can manage the rest. Some pokemon have a sense of humor and this allows someone to understand them."

"Ah, should have known it would be for use in pranks," admitted Etragar. "Won't a Vulpix be more likely to draw hostility if it is associated with Naruto?"

"Already set up and in the works," said Toltiir. "Hopefully it will work out."

"You don't know?" asked Etragar. "Ridiculously overpowered elder god reality manipulator?"

"Omniscience is boring," said Toltiir. "If you already know how the book's going to end, what's the point of reading it. You could just go to a reality where they made the movie and criticize all the details they got wrong."

* * *

The fox-critter sniffed at the Ninja Snax bar and edged a little closer.

"Eh?" asked Naruto. Well, it didn't look too threatening. "So, ya wanna bite of my Ninja Snax bar?"

"Yip (Yes)," said the fox-thing. "Vul! Vulpix! (That smells quite tasty. I am rather hungry.)"

"WHOA!" said Naruto, eyes wide. "You talked!"

"Vul vul vulpix," said the fox critter. (Well of course I talked, you asked a question after all.) The fox took the proferred bit of the Ninja Snax bar and chewed it thoughtfully. "Vulpix pix. VUL?!" (Tastes like nuts and grains with a touch of honey. Wait a minute, you UNDERSTOOD ME?)

"Well, yeah, I'm kinda reading your subtitles," said Naruto.

"Vul vul vulpix," said the fox critter, chewing thoughtfully. "Vul?" (You smell like you've got a bit of vulpix in you. As unlikely as that is. Are you eating the rest of that?)

"I got a few more of my own," admitted Naruto as he held out the rest of the bar.

"Vul vulpix pix," said the fox. (Good, I wouldn't want to take your last one. I'm a Vulpix by the way.)

"No name?" asked Naruto, being polite because he was still waiting for Hinata to wake up. "I'm Naruto, a ninja of Konoha!"

"Vulpix pix vulpix," said the Vulpix. (Not much need. We identify by scent, so a specific name in the human fashion isn't normally required. This is also a bit more verbiose than usual. Back to names - I'm simply a Vulpix. It's been a bit of a dry season so the foraging isn't too good right now. Which is why I approached.)

"Huh," said Naruto. "Okay."

"Vulpix vul vul?" asked the Vulpix. (Is this your mate?)

"Uhm, well," said Naruto. "That isn't likely. She's a little weird but she's a friend, you know."

Hinata's eyes finished blinking open as what she'd just overheard penetrated. Naruto considered her a friend?

"Vul vul vul," laughed the fox. (That isn't how she's looking at you. heh heh heh.)

"Whatta ya mean?" asked Naruto, noticing that Hinata was awake and rubbing at the knot on her head.

"vulpix pix," said the Vulpix. (She's looking at you with the sort of gaze one looks at a prospective mate with.)

"Aw, that's crazy," said Naruto. "Right, Hinata?"

"Naruto, are you talking to that fox?" asked Hinata.

"Well, yeah," admitted Naruto. "Hinata, this is Vulpix. Vulpix, this is Hinata."

"Uhm, hello," said Hinata, wondering if she were hallucinating or in a genjutsu.

"Vulpix vul." (Pleased to meet you, mate of Naruto.)

"Ya might need one of these," said Naruto to Hinata, pulling another Ninja Snax bar out of his jacket.

Naruto had heard the little fox make the statement about a drought and the food supply being scarce right now. With the little fox-critter happily munching on one of his Ninja Snax bar (Nut'n'Honey flavor), he'd thought to offer one to Hinata.

"EEP!" said Hinata as suddenly critters erupted out of all sorts of places.

"Whoa, good thing I had a hunch and brought a lot," said Naruto. "Good thing they were on sale. Uhm, Hinata, I need ta breathe."

"Oh uh, right," said Hinata who quickly let go of the boy she'd practically climbed up in her alarm at the various things around here. Some of whom looked cute and cuddly, and some of whom... did not.

Naruto was a little surprised at how much he'd packed, and gave several bars to Hinata to bribe the little forest creatures. "Hey guys, can you look for my friends? There were two girls with me, but they kinda walked off."

"Pika pi pikachu," offered a yellow critter.

"I didn't understand that," noted Naruto.

"Vull 'vullllpix?'," said the Vulpix. (He said 'Girl troubles?')

"I can understand you but not them?" asked Naruto. "Can you translate?"

"Vul," said the Vulpix. (Like I said, you smell like you got a bit of Vulpix or something in you. No problem.)

"bikawww," said a large bird of some kind. (You're better off without 'em. Dames.)

"No, no, I can't leave 'em here," said Naruto after appropriate translation.

"Marill mar marilll," said some blue critter as it took a section of Ninja Snax bar from Hinata. (Were they mates? What about this one? She seems nice enough.)

"It ain't like that," said Naruto.

Several of the critters exchanged glances and made laughing noises.

"Urr. Rowl." (They're immature yet, let them go up a few levels or evolve maybe,) offered a Growlithe.

"Pii pi pika?" (More food like this back where you came from?) asked the yellow critter-thingie.

"Squir squir squirtle?" asked a Squirtle. (I got maple and brown sugar. You?)

"Growl growlithe!" responded the Growlithe. (Nutty with a hint of honey.)

"Kiyawww," said the bird. (I'll go looking around, but if they're alone - they may be in trouble.)

"It's dangerous?" asked Naruto.

"Byakugan!" said Hinata. As she only understood Naruto's half of the conversation, she was feeling a little left out. Even if the little mouse-thing seemed very friendly. "Uh oh. I see Ino Yamanaka, except she seems to be being eaten by a large plant of some kind."

"Vee!" said the Eevee on Hinata's shoulder. (I like this one. She smells friendly.)

"Let's go!" said Naruto.

* * *

She took a deep breath, shuddered, and rubbed at the numerous little cuts and scrapes. THAT had been a tough fight, but she understood plants and she also WAS a trained ninja. It hadn't hurt that she'd had a number of tools in her kit that she frequently used in her parents' flower shop.

The animated pitcher plant that had tried to eat her was on the ground. Over here. Over there. Some more of it over there. It had been actually quite a fight, and even after she'd done substantial damage to it - it had continued to try and eat her.

Unfortunately for the monster plant, she was quite capable of figuring out how to take apart a plant and make a nice floral decoration. Mind you she didn't normally scatter the pieces out over a large area, but she took attempts to eat her in a personal manner.

"So she's saying that she's MY pokemon?" asked a familiar voice.

There was some muttering noise that sounded vaguely like an animal.

"That's apparently it. Vulpix says she's my pokemon, and Eevee has adopted you is what she's saying," said another familiar voice.

Ino shook her head. Apparently that spray of spores into her face had done something. She felt kind of numb, and the names to go with those voices seemed oddly out of reach.

"Ino!" said the vaguely-familiar boy. "Wow. Looks like you didn't need any help after all."

"My name is 'Ino'?" she asked.

"Wha?!" asked the boy.

"Who are you?" asked the blonde girl.

"I'm Naruto Uzumaki," said the blonde boy.

A foxlike creature made a few yiffs and yowls and other noises.

"So she got hit with a 'Stun Spore'? Is that why she can't remember me?" asked Naruto, glad that the blonde girl wasn't going to attack him for bringing her here. On the other hand, this was pretty bad by itself.

Ino looked over the boy, the girl with him, and the crowd of animals. Actually the boy was kind of cute. She hoped he wasn't her brother or something. Was this girl his girlfriend, or was SHE his girlfriend? There had been something about some boy she found attractive, something just out of reach.

"Vulpix says that there's a small chance of this kind of reaction, apparently some people are more affected than others," said Naruto to the dark-haired girl.

"Ah, like some people are more resistant or more susceptible to certain drugs and poisons," said the dark haired girl with the odd eyes.

"Well, we just need to rescue Sakura then, let's go!" said Naruto, looking over at her again.

Ino reminded herself that according to this boy, her name was 'Ino' which wasn't a particularly lovely or graceful name. Well, maybe it was an affectionate pet name?

* * *

There was a very simple and practical reason to adopt the dark-haired girl.

Okay, several reasons.

Eevee was thin, foraging had been really poor of late. Heck, the farmhouse she'd done most of her foraging around had fallen into disrepair and a large predator had been hanging around.

There were a fair number of creatures who regarded an unevolved Eevee under the category of 'Meals On The Go' - and a few attacks had come really close of late.

The human smelled of many things, but cruelty was not one of those. She seemed quiet and uncertain if anything.

"Eevee," said Eevee, trying to reassure the human. Riding on her shoulder, tail protectively across her shoulder, Eevee felt that this was a good deal. Maybe hanging around the human would provide a chance for her to evolve. THAT would be a good thing.

Besides, she smelled friendly.

* * *

Ino, for that was her name, wasn't too sure about the feelings that swept up when she saw the pink-haired girl. Those feelings were all tangled up and hard to sort through. "Who is this?"

"It's Sakura," said the black-haired girl.

"What do you mean," croaked the girl who was sitting up against a tree, "'who is this'?"

"Ino has apparently lost her memories due to an attack from a plant monster," supplied the black-haired girl.

"Whoa, the little guy doesn't want me getting close to you," said Naruto as the bird hissed and spread wings in an attempt to look menacing.

"Vul vulpix," said the fox-like creature.

"That's a 'Pidgey'?" asked Naruto of the fox.

The bird protecting Sakura managed to look startled and cooed at the fox briefly. The fox answered in its own manner.

"So you're a 'pidgey'?" asked Sakura of the bird. Who was much more cooperative and enthusiastic answering her.

"Huh," said Naruto, scratching his head. "Looks like each of us, except Ino, ended up getting one of these 'pokemon' adopting us."

"There's a town about two miles that way," said Hinata. "They may be able to deal with your injuries there."

"Then let's get going," said Sakura, eyeing Ino uncertainly. "You've lost your memories?"

"Yes, apparently," said Ino. "Hopefully you can answer a few questions on the way."

After a few minutes of discussion, Sakura ended up in a fireman's carry on Ino's back. Though she still seemed to expect this was an elaborate prank being pulled on her.

Ino lagged a little bit behind Naruto and Hinata in order to whisper to Sakura when they finally set out.

"Hey, Sakura, we're friends or something?" asked Ino.

"Uhm, well, we WERE," admitted Sakura.

"Oh?" asked Ino. "We're both after that cute blond boy or something?"

Sakura collapsed, nearly sending both of them tumbling in mid-leap. "WHAT?!"

"That cute blond boy. He's not my brother or something is he?" asked Ino when she'd recovered.

"Uhm, no, you're not related," said Sakura, wondering if this was NOT a prank. If so it might be a Golden Opportunity to derail her chief rival. Of course that might be playing into the prank being pulled, but that would be one way to tell if it WAS a prank. "He's... Well, he's..."

Ino wondered if Sakura was about to reveal that the cute blond boy named Naruto was gay or something.

"He's available, I guess," said Sakura finally, watching as best she could from her current vantage for any sign that Ino was going to pull off the joke.

"Oh good," said Ino. "I was worried you were going to say he was gay or something. He's got a REALLY cute butt. Would you STOP shifting your weight like that?"

"But he's, well, he's, that is," said Sakura, trying to protest this without either some trick being thrown on her or necessarily awakening old rivalries while she was nearly helpless from the poison. Frustration had her voice begin rising in volume. "He's such a clown. He's never serious. He's completely uncool. He's a complete and total loser. Naruto is a loud and obnoxious IDIOT."

Ino could see that Naruto's head ducked down and shoulders slumped. For Sakura's words to affect him that much, he must care about her. So... this girl WAS her rival for Naruto's affection! "He certainly hasn't been acting like that since he found me in the forest. Very responsible. Would you STOP shifting around?"

"I don't believe this," muttered Sakura.

Ino spent the next few minutes in silence as she worked it out. Apparently Naruto liked Sakura, hence his reaction to her criticisms, but Sakura didn't like him. So it was a love triangle? What of the black-haired girl? What was her name again? "Psst. Who's the other girl anyway?"

"Hinata Hyuga," said Sakura. She intended the remainder to come out with a lot of sarcasm, but she was sufficiently confused and numbed by the earlier comments that it didn't sound sarcastic. "She's the main rival that tries to keep you from your true love of Naruto."

"I see," said Ino, nodding. "Well, I need to get a pokemon of my own to better compete then."

"Uhh, yeah," said Sakura, still uncertain whether Ino was faking this or not.

* * *

"Oh yes, yes, fascinating, an entirely different world," said Bill, a Professor. "Just imagine what the possibilities for research into environmental adaptation would be!"

"I thought you might be interested," said Nurse Joy. "Since the girl in question has requested a starter pokemon..."

"Oh yes, yes, but what type?" asked Bill. "This girl is a Trainer? No, waitaminute. If their world has no pokemon to begin with - she couldn't be, could she?"

"I'm leaving them with various instructions on feeding and care for their pokemon," said Nurse Joy. "Naruto has a Vulpix, Hinata has an Eevee, Sakura has a Pidgey. So they have a fire type, a normal type, a flying type. It would make sense to get this girl a type not represented."

"Yes, yes, that IS true," said Bill.

"Professor?" asked Nurse Joy. "You're not acting like yourself. Is something wrong?"

"I had a bad encounter with an Exeggcute," said Bill. "Very bad. Bad bad Exeggcute."

"How bad?" asked Nurse Joy.

"This particular Exeggcute was found using Hypnotize on young couples and putting them to sleep while it checked their pockets for sweets," said Bill. "I was able to convince it to stop."

"Well," said Nurse Joy with apparent innocent unconcern with the potential problems, "why not send her that one?"

* * *

"YES!" said Ino, going into a piroutte-pose and flashing a "V" sign. "I've got an Exeggcute!"

Nurse Joy nodded, thinking that this girl fit right in. Amnesia or not.

"So that's it? We can go home now?" grumped Sakura. "We're going to miss the team sorting!"

"Yeah," said Naruto. "Everyone ready?"

* * *

"(No pokemon?)" asked the Marowak, scratching his back with his bone-club. "(How does that work?)"

"(I don't know, but that's the gist of it,)" said the Vulpix.

"VULPIX!" called out Naruto.

"(Gotta go,)" said Vulpix with a nod. "(You all take care. I am going to be an invaluable help to Naruto there. He's the sort who really needs someone to keep an eye on him. You know what I mean?)"

"(Yeah,)" said the Growlithe. "(I know exactly what you mean.)"

"(At least the food's great,)" said Vulpix, turning and leaping away. "(New lands to live, spread, prosper in. Have a nice life.)"

"(Hmmm,)" said the various gathered pokemon who'd been hanging around the pokecenter. They healed wounds and recovered strength there after all. That made it a sort of neutral territory.

"(You know,)" said a Houndour. "(It's been pretty slim foraging around here.)"

"(That's true,)" agreed the Marowak.

"(I need a new den, my old one has gotten so cramped,)" noted a Larvitar.

"(You look about ready to evolve, so I'd tend to think so,)" noted the other Houndour.

"(A human using a teleport technique,)" said the single Bonsly present. "(Fascinating. My expedition to observe the wonders of this world keeps astounding me.)"

"(Huh?)" asked a Turtwig.

"(He said that he was travelling around to see weird things, and this qualifies,)" said the second Houndour.

"(Oh,)" said the Turtwig, who was a bit slow.

The assembled pokemon looked at where the boy and the three girls were now surrounded by a dome of energy.

It was the Houndours who acted first, nodding at each other they simply charged forward at what they deemed the right moment. However, they were quickly followed by about three-quarters of the pokemon.

"Hey!" yelped the boy at the center of the ring. "What's going on?"

_Fzzzzap!_

"Oh dear," said Nurse Joy, eyeing the circle where a large number of pokemon had just vanished.

* * *

"Ah! They're all scattering," noted Hinata as they reappeared in the Leaf Village.

"Naruto!" declared Sakura. "This is all your fault! You better catch them all!"

"Heh? Me?" asked Naruto, swaying on his feet. "Man, that was tough, I didn't think we'd make... it."

Hinata caught Naruto before he could hit the ground, and her concern was such that it took her a full six seconds before she realized she was holding up a nearly fainted Naruto. So close. So... warm. "eep."

* * *

He'd teleported back to get the specialized equipment for capturing and transporting pokemon.

What he had NOT expected was that he'd be grabbed immediately after arriving. He also had NOT expected to find himself dealing with various officials and agencies and people who had fancy titles.

So he did something in the time-honored fashion of all those who weren't at the top of the chain of command. Which was to kick the problem up to someone who WAS.

Which led directly to this situation.

"So," said Hiruzen Sarutobi, Third Hokage, the Professor, and a few other titles he had accumulated over the decades. "This is a Chimchar?"

"Keee!" agreed the Chimchar.

"Who says he's MY pokemon," said the Hokage.

"Yeah," said Naruto, handing over a red-and-white-ball. "This is what you use to store him when he's needing a rest and such."

"Naruto, I have already explained this," suggested the labcoated Professor Doubu Tsuen. She adjusted her glasses slightly. "I simply request the chance to watch things develop with these pokemon in a new environment."

Hiruzen Sarutobi nodded. "Provisionally accepted. You understand that ninja is a hazardous profession and that if something happened to Naruto - we have no way to return you or these 'pokemon' to your homeworld?"

"For the sake of advancing science, my own life is a small price to pay," said the middle-aged woman. "I've already lived a fair number of years - one reason the scientific community from my area accepted my request for this. I am quite old enough to accept the price of my own choices."

"Very well," said the Hokage, scribbling out something on a scroll. "There's a suitable building for this 'gym' and 'pokecenter' near the East Gate. Present this at the front desk and we'll get you started."

* * *

Professor Doubu Tsuen started assembling the devices that Naruto had brought over in small crates.

One, unexpectedly, burst open. "WHEW! Air!"

"Nurse Joy? Officer Jenny? Why were you in a crate marked 'Biological Samples'?"

_Spurt! Thud!_

Professor Tsuen paused then continued. "Ignoring the ninja who entered the room and passed out with a nosebleed, why are you NAKED?"

"Uhm, there's really a good explanation for this," offered Nurse Joy.

"There's really a good explanation for you two to be naked, in a crate of my supplies for setting up a gym-slash-pokecenter and observing pokemon in a completely new world environment?" asked the Professor, locating a chair and sitting down in it. "Great. Let me hear this good explanation."

"Uhm," said Joy.

"It seemed like a good idea at the time?" tried Jenny.

"Somehow I was expecting rather more in the details department," said the Professor.

"We're really good friends?" tried Joy.

"To be in that crate for that length of time, I'd say so and that you're unexpectedly limber," stated the Professor. "Still waiting for that good explanation."

"Well, there's going to be a lot of pokemon here, right? So I thought I should come along and help set up a pokecenter?" tried Joy.

"That's the best you can come up with?" asked the Professor.

"Would you believe that there was a Team Rocket group attacking with acid spray and poison gas attacks, and we tried to hide after the clothes-destroying spray left us naked?" tried Jenny.

"A little better, even if it's unlikely as all hell," noted the Professor. "I take it you're from the PokeScience Council and they assigned you to keep an eye on the crazy Professor."

"Gk!" went both, going into shocked poses.

"Doesn't explain the naked part though," said the Professor thoughtfully.

"Well-" trailed off the Jenny.

"You're a nurse, go check that ninja in the doorway and make sure he hasn't bled to death," said the Professor finally. "Jenny? You can stick around and act as a security guard or something. What you two do on your own time is your own business but when you're ON the clock - professional behavior only."

"Okay," said Joy, giving a thumb's up to Jenny.

"Though put some clothes on. Of all the Jennies and Joys I get two exhibitionists. Great."

* * *

Professor Tsuen looked over the whiteboard. "Anyone I missed?"

Hiruzen Sarutobi - Chimchar  
Naruto Uzumaki - Vulpix, Riolu, Machop  
Hinata Hyuga - Eevee  
Sakura Haruno - Pidgey  
Ino Yamanaka - Exeggcute

"No, I think that's all," agreed Jenny.

"Well then I-"

_WHAM!_ went the front door. "Hey! I need one of those guys!"

"Konohamaru, you don't actually need any such thing with an elite instructor such as myself."

"Gramps got one. Boss has one. I gotta get one!" Konohamaru pointed at the Professor. "You!"

"Okay."

"I need to... wha?"

"Okay," said the Professor. "You're the right age. You have an elite instructor there."

"Hmmm hmmm," practically preened Ebisu as his authority was recognized. Not realizing that the Professor had decided that meant the snot-nosed brat most likely had wealth enough to take care of a pokemon.

As for attitude, well, she'd seen a lot worse.

"What do we have for starting pokemon?" asked Jenny, picking herself off the floor and dusting herself. Also directing a glare towards the kid's responsible adult.

"Mixed bag actually," admitted the Professor as she brought up a display of a turtle sending water bursts out. "Squirtle." The picture shifted to a frog with a large plant bulb on its back, sending leaves spinning out to hit a target. "Bulbasaur." The picture shifted again, this time showing a small dog-like creature. "Lillipup."

"A  lillipup?" asked Jenny with surprise. "How did one of THOSE end up as a starter?"

"Daisy Hill Pokefarm provided one, that's how," stated the Professor. "It's fine."

"It's just a dog, isn't it?" asked Konohamaru, looking from the Jenny to the Professor.

"Dog-type," emphasized the Professor. "And plenty of trainers have a pokemon smarter than they are. I can think of three off the top of my head."

"I guess," admitted Jenny, knowing a few of those herself.

* * *

"Where the hell is this guy?" asked Naruto. "It's been an hour."

Sasuke sulked.

Sakura shrugged and looked bored.

"Hey! Why wait in here?" asked Naruto. "We can go outside and train our pokemon while we wait for him."

"Your what?" asked Sasuke.

Sakura brightened. This was her chance to show off in front of Sasuke! "Good idea. Pidgey, I summon you!"

Sasuke blinked as Sakura pulled out a sphere of some kind and used it to summon a very large bird.

"Come on, Pidgey, let's (show off in front of Sasuke) - I mean get some fresh air!"

Sasuke blinked as Sakura, whom he had dismissed as a useless fangirl, pulled some unknown creature out of her butt (or actually her belt pouch) and leapt from the classroom window.

"All right," said Naruto, heading for the door. "Riolu! Machop! You guys can spar outside!"

Sasuke raised his head slightly, frowning. "What?"

* * *

Two blue creatures were fighting in a training space with Naruto watching over the two.

Sakura was directing a ridiculously large bird through various flight tricks and exercises while glancing repeatedly at the third member of the team.

The third member of the team looked... confused.

Kakashi Hatake looked at the team he'd been assigned and wondered exactly what was going on.

* * *

"When one has altered a timeline, many things tend to fall into place just as if there was no alteration," noted Toltiir, quite aware that others were gathering to observe - drawn by the presence of his less-experienced associate.

"So I see," admitted Etragar, apparently unaware of the others. "Why is that girl hiding like that?"

"She's shy - particularly around the shonen-protaganist type," pointed out Toltiir. "No. I don't understand it either."

"So we have a situation where the presence of these 'pokemon' are allowed to slowly filter into use within the village itself," said Etragar. "The Hokage favoring this because it gets his village an advantage at very little cost to him, plus he can always revoke that permission if events don't play out. Meanwhile that Professor-type is able to mad-scientist about the pokemon in this new environment."

"Yes, and Kakashi is going with the Bell Test, and that pretty much is going exactly as ever," said Toltiir distastefully. "Too bad Naruto didn't end up with something that could hose down that sensei of theirs."

* * *

"Pidgey!" called out Sakura. "Sand Attack!"

"Kwiiii!" called out Pidgey, directing a blast of wind into a loose patch of dirt and then directing it towards Kakashi's position.

"Vulpix! Ember!" called out Naruto.

Kakashi's visible eye widened a bit as a wind attack and a fire attack combined and rushed towards him as a swirling cloud of burning dust.

"Whoa! That was cool!" said Naruto as he observed this happening.

"The wind element reinforced the fire element attack," realized Sakura. "I didn't know we could do that!"

Kakashi was momentarily disappointed as if the two had done that on purpose, it would have been an indication of teamwork.

"We'll have to get some practice with that," said Naruto as the dust cleared to reveal a slightly charred log where their sensei had been. "Where'd he go?"

"I... BEHIND YOU!"

"Thousand years of pain!" attacked Kakashi to Naruto's rear.

"YAGH!" reacted Naruto. "PERVERT!"

"What?" asked Kakashi, not having expected that reaction.

"Vulpix! Quick Attack!" tried Naruto from where he'd landed on his face, sore butt pointing upwards.

Kakashi simply kicked the little fox-thing away as it approached. "That wasn't very quick."

"Pidgey, Tackle!" tried Sakura.

Kakashi ducked around the attack, then added his own strength to slam the bird into the ground.

"Vulpix, return!"  
"Pidgey, return!"

Kakashi cocked his head as the two creatures turned into light and were sucked into little spherical summoning devices of some kind. _Well, at least I can get back to my reading._

"Machop! Riolu!"

Kakashi eyed the two blue creatures uncertainly, then glanced at Sakura. _Two creatures of unknown ability, but short and settling into fighting stances - Academy style taijutsu. Sakura hasn't summoned a second one so she either hasn't got another summons or she's holding it back for a better opportunity?_

Kakashi caught Sasuke's kick as the last genin tried to catch him from behind. At which point he slung Sasuke into the dirt before blocking the attack of one of the small blue guys.

The impact strength was comparable to Gai. Strong little whatever-it-was.

The other one, vaguely doglike in appearance, was hanging around and waiting for an opening.

_Ah well, time to crush their hopes and dreams._

* * *

"So, even with him able to teleport and having three pokemon, things don't change?" asked Etragar.

"Not until the second mission from the looks of it," said Toltiir, skimming ahead.

"Why? What happens on the second mission?" asked Etragar.

* * *

"A 'C-Rank'?" asked Kakashi as he was handed the scroll.

"It's gotta be better than what we did yesterday!" said Naruto, scowling and crossing his arms in front of him.

"They're not ready for a 'C-Rank'," said Kakashi, not yet opening the mission scroll to look at it.

"You know what Naruto's teleport jutsu does?" asked Iruka, having heard the details by now.

"It allows him to appear and disappear within a line-of-sight, with a maximum range of about a mile," said Kakashi. "I observed him attempting to use it during the test. He isn't nearly fast enough or accurate enough to be able to get out of combat with it."

"He can also teleport VERY long distances with nearby objects as long as there are location-tags at the target area," said Iruka, who HAD been quite curious once he'd heard about it and started reading the file. He had access to that file as he frequently worked the mission desk when he wasn't teaching at the Academy.

"That doesn't change that they're not ready for missions outside the village," pointed out Kakashi.

"He's already done seven," said Iruka.

"It... what?" asked Kakashi.

"What?" asked Sasuke.

"I went on one of those myself!" noted Sakura. "Way way way outside the village. Right, Pidgey?"

"Kuuuu!"

"Naruto has been taking C-Rank missions?" asked Kakashi.

"Well, duh," grumped Naruto. "Every time I ferry supplies back from those labs to here they call it a 'C-Rank' - what's the big deal?"

"Naruto," said Iruka kindly. "Most ninja don't get a C-Rank mission until a year of D-Rank missions. Even exceptional teams usually go three months before they get even a minor C-Rank."

"Yeah, well, we're just awesome that way, dattebayo!" indicated Naruto.

Kakashi blinked, his eyes flicking towards where Sakura's bird-summons was apparently content to watch a small potted plant. "How far can Naruto go with that jutsu?"

"Teleporting to another world takes a lot out of me," admitted Naruto. "I have to rest up afterwards. I gotta mission two days ago to move those crates to that warehouse - that felt kinda far away."

"Where was that?" asked Kakashi, trying to get a handle on something he'd dismissed earlier as of little consequence.

"Ever been to the port city of Keihi?" asked Iruka.

"I had a mission to Snow Country once," began Kakashi, then paused as the information started giving out implications. "The port near the border with the Land of Hot Water?"

"Yes," said Iruka. "He made the trip with five crates, five jonin, and mission supplies that are quite classified. Five minutes to make the trip, and about fifteen minutes and four bowls of miso ramen to recover."

"Trip took no time, just took me five minutes to get the jutsu off," said Naruto. "Doesn't matter how far I go. Still takes five minutes for everything to get moving."

Kakashi had been in a ninja war. He had an idea of what could be accomplished with such a jutsu. "How complicated are these targets he has to aim for?"

"The one in the world he ended getting the pokemon from was caused by a lightning jutsu hitting a fire jutsu and leaving a pattern of burn marks," said Iruka. "To do one properly - any beginner at fuuinjutsu with decent handwriting could do it."

Kakashi blinked. "How many?"

Naruto closed his eyes and concentrated for a few seconds. "Five nearby. That's the one on the roof of my apartment building. That's the one next to Ichiraku's."

"Of course," mumbled Kakashi.

"That's the one Iruka-sensei had me put in yesterday afternoon," said Naruto.

"Near the hospital emergency room," said Iruka.

Kakashi nodded a thank-you to the teacher, yes - that WAS a potentially useful one to have.

"That's the one over near the one grocery store that don't give me a lot of trouble when I shop there," continued Naruto, "and - that one's across the street in the alley."

"Ah," said Kakashi.

"There's five more a little bit further away, three more further than those - one of 'em is moving," continued Naruto.

"On a ship," said the Hokage, breaking the silence he'd maintained so far.

Sasuke had been silent himself, most of the implications of this ability just now beginning to occur to him. "How far?"

"Classified," said the Hokage before anyone could further explain. "Naruto's ability is to be kept secret as much as possible, yet it must also be practiced and refined. There are those who know about it - like Iruka Umino here who was authorized to learn of this due to his previous association with Naruto and his frequent manning of the Missions desk. So, missions which can be accomplished by a team and cutting the travel time is something we're looking into."

"This mission then?" asked Kakashi, choosing to look at the mission-scroll before asking further.

"Fence repair," said Iruka.

"Aw, man," began a disappointed Naruto.

"On that world with the pokemon," continued Iruka. "They already know of Naruto's talents after all. There is apparently a ranch being put together near the place Naruto can teleport to. They need stalls and stables built as well. This will be a week-long mission. Start tomorrow at the location in the scroll."

* * *

Kakashi Hatake was observant.

They'd packed for a week-long mission. Sakura and Sasuke had packs. Naruto had two.

"A bit overstuffed there," noted Kakashi. "Instant ramen?"

"Most of the stuff I could pack, they've got over there already," said Naruto.

"Ah," said Kakashi. _A point I hadn't considered. When going on a long mission, one normally packed light but thoroughly - sealing everything that could be sealed into scrolls. No personal items. With this instantly going from one place to another, you basically arrive in a supply dump._

Kakashi glanced around the warehouse they'd gotten for this. Three ANBU (Boar, Daggerhawk, and Falcon) that he could see in obvious places. Three more (Spider, Mantis, and Badger) that were rather better hidden and also located where they could get a clear view of everything.

In the center of the floor was a large circle marked in red. Naruto was already in the center of that circle, sitting on one pack and with the other nearby.

"Anytime you give the word, Kakashi-sensei," said Naruto.

"Well, then start," said Kakashi. "It takes five minutes, right?"

"Yeah?" asked Naruto.

Taking a seat himself, Kakashi opened a book even as Sakura hurried across the circle. Sasuke was a bit slower and looking slightly confused.

"Right," said Naruto, beginning the jutsu.

Kakashi looked up as the actual process began. The occasional fleck of something had become a stream of it. The whatever-it-was Naruto was manipulating wasn't easy to look at though. If he looked directly at a 'flake' of it, it was silver and hexagon-shaped. However, all the 'flakes' he wasn't looking at directly were green and diamond-shaped. He also realized after a moment that when he focussed on one, he could see it but it appeared to be not moving. While the ones he wasn't focussing on were a blur where he couldn't quite tell where they were.

"Don't look at it too long," said Sakura, jolting Kakashi's attention to where Sakura was talking to Sasuke. "It'll give you a massive headache."

"What IS that?" asked Sasuke, rubbing his temples and closing his eyes. "That's-"

"No idea," said Sakura in response. "Just that Hinata tried to look at it with her Byakugan on the way back and it knocked her out with a massive migraine."

"Everyone ready?" asked Naruto.

"We're clear," said Sakura after checking to make sure nothing was crossing the dome shape scribed by the jutsu.

Kakashi pushed his eyepatch up, to see exactly what-

Color/Sound/Texture/Taste.

"Gurk," managed Kakashi, covering his eye again.

"For a second there I was smelling blue and tasting up," complained Sasuke.

"It gets better," said Sakura as Naruto dropped to his knees and let out a deep breath.

Kakashi looked up after getting his stomach back under control. A cleared area outside. A forest was nearby, with smaller trees than normally found in Konohagakure. The area they were in was roped off and part of a pasture?

"Dwa?" said something nearby.

Sasuke considered the creature for a moment. "Does that creature acturally have two heads?"

"It's a 'doduo'," said Sakura, consulting her pokedex.

"Yup," said a farmer-looking guy who was pulling off his workgloves. "Which ones of you are trainers?"

Kakashi, Sakura, and Naruto all put up hands.

"I think he meant 'pokemon trainers', Kakashi-sensei," said Sakura after an awkward pause.

"Yah, what else would I mean?" asked the farmer-looking guy. "Name's Amadeus Selceus. So two trainers and a supervisor?"

"Something like that," agreed Kakashi. "You the client?"

"Yah," said Amadeus. "C'mon. Show you where to store yer gear and stuff."

"Machop, go!" said Naruto, flipping a ball into the air.

"Kaa?" asked Machop as the slightly-reptillian blue pokemon landed.

"Weight training," said Naruto. "You can help with these crates, right?"

"Chop!" agreed Machop, who privately felt it wasn't much of a workout.

* * *

A/N: due to problems at the Addventure, and a lack of pokemon gaming on my own, this one was dropped if anyone cares to take it up.


	14. Glitter Boys and Boom Guns

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trying out the approach with the Weapon Master, so a bit like Shirou Emiya from Fate/Stay Night but a little less swordy.

 

 

 

**Another Fistful Of Omake**

by Greylle

DISCLAIMER: Naruto from Kishimoto, Glitter Boys and similar items come from RIFTS by Palladium Books.  
NOTE: Thought this had possibilities.

Omake 32: Glitter Boy

UPDATED 9/29/15 with additional scenes.

* * *

The time he'd chosen for this intervention was Team Seven's trip out to Wave. It was one of the "soft points" where things could be manipulated without having to go back and micromanage a bunch of pesky details.

Pesky details and micromanagement were not fun nor funny. He was Toltiir after all - an elder god self-declared of mischief and humor.

The shrine itself had been inserted at an earlier temporal soft-point, manipulating civilian refugees from the fall of Uzushiogakure to set up shop here instead of continuing on another hundred miles and dying from a bear attack.

A bear attack was not funny after all. Having a divine vision setting up a group as priests of a god of humor? It had a possibilities outside of the intervention he'd started that chain of events for.

A storm, easy enough to do simply by increasing an evaporation rate a week before, was timed just so. Even big bad S-Rank ninja tended to look for shelter in such circumstances, unless they were from Rain - in which case they just continued on and usually griped about how wet clothes and their companions smelled.

The old priest and his daughter both resembled characters from Urusei Yatsura, so having them take those names was just further polish on the whole scenario.

* * *

"You're still up, old priest guy?" asked Naruto.

"The name is 'Cherry' and yes," said Cherry, pointing to an elaborate clock. "It's almost midnight. The time when wishes can be granted. You never know, someone might have a wish."

"A what? A wish?" asked Naruto. "Like a bottomless bowl of ramen?"

"Perhaps," said Cherry. "Only one wish is given to an individual. It is usually a selfless wish. There is usually a price to be paid. And the end result must be funnier than not granting the wish would be."

"Oh," said Naruto, figuring out that while a bowl of ramen that never ran out would be awesome - it probably wouldn't be funny. "Well, I'm going to be Hokage someday. If I could make a wish - it'd probably be that everyone could see my awesomeness!"

" **You aren't awesome,** " said Cherry in a voice not his own.

"Whoa, neat trick with the voice," said Naruto. Then the priest opened his eyes and light spilled out.

" **Speak your wish, Naruto Uzumaki, Child Of Prophesy, Jinchuriki Of The Nine-Tailed Demon Fox,** " said the odd voice.

"Gkk," managed Naruto as he realized that it was now the big cat statue talking and looking at him with spotlight eyes. "Shhhh!"

" **Don't worry. Sakura and Sasuke will remain asleep. Kakashi Hatake has been awake all this time and is just faking being asleep in order to figure out the situation.** "

Naruto stared at Kakashi's bedroll for a moment before Kakashi sat up.

" **Elder god, or so I have been called. I choose not to be omniscient. Doesn't mean I can't notice little details.** "

"Mah, guess so," said Kakashi. "Child of Prophesy?"

" **There's a Prophesy of the Toads, ask Jiraiya for details sometime. Now, back to you Naruto. You will face opponents who can level mountains, disintegrate an opponent until they are less than dust, bend time and space to their will. Your current skills are a joke compared to those of your enemies. Which is part of my interest, I suppose.** "

"Multiple Shadow Clone! Harem No Jutsu!" tried Naruto.

There was a deep sigh. " **Child. That won't work against most of the opponents you'll face. Even in the near future you'll face opponents who will simply cut down all of your clones and then behead you as soon as they can find you.** "

"Naruto's a 'Child Of Prophesy'? Naruto?" asked Kakashi.

" **You knew his parents. Are you really that surprised?** "

"You knew my parents, Kakashi-sensei?!" exclaimed Naruto, now thoroughly distracted. His shadow clones all poofed out as a result.

"Later, Naruto, much much later," said Kakashi, deciding to improvise a little 'white lie' to stall that issue. "I can't tell you until you're at least chunin level - there's a law against that."

"It's not the Kyubi is it?" asked an alarmed Naruto as he thought about another law applying to him.

" **No. Neither your father or mother is Kurama.** "

"Who?" asked Naruto and Kakashi.

" **The nine-tailed demon fox, whose anger at the human race is justified somewhat by his treatment from them, is named Kurama.** "

"You're kidding," said Naruto.

" **Not this time. No. What? You thought the Kyubi's name was 'Kyubi'? That's a title or description. Not a name.** "

"Oh," said Naruto.

" **In any case, since you don't have any wish, I guess I'll just turn my attention elsewhere.** "

"I wish I had an awesome jutsu then!" called out Naruto.

" **Oh? Interesting. I'm making a minor change in the timeline. There's a good point.** "

"Huh?" asked Naruto.

" **You didn't originally have an ancestor named Zoro Uzumaki who had the Weaponmaster kekkei genkai.** "

"Weaponmaster kekkei genkai?" asked Kakashi.

" **Yes. Scan can give him information on it. Reinforce can alter the properties of a weapon. Manifest can make a temporary copy of a weapon.** "

"Are you sure you can do this?" asked Kakashi.

" **Always a skeptic. Here.** "

_POOF!_

"What?! Where?!" asked an uncertain young kunoichi.

Kakashi stared for a moment, pulling up his eyepatch to stare with the Sharingan. Then both eyes rolled up and he fainted.

"Naruto Uzumaki, Leaf genin," introduced Naruto.

"Ah. Rin Nohara. Also of the Leaf. What's going on?" asked Rin.

" **Here. Look at this, Naruto Uzumaki. And then farewell.** "

When he saw it, he KNEW it.

How it was made, what went where and why and when in the process. He knew how it was used as well though not an expert by any account.

He saw all of it.

He saw the refractory coating that gave the device the name "Glitter Boy" and lessened the effects of lasers until they could burn through that. He saw the layers of armor under that and how they formed interlocking segments. Made to be able to be pulled and replaced as needed.

He saw the servo-motors and artificial muscles, increasing the strength of the pilot and allowing for instant response of the machine. He saw the capillary cooling and heating system in the padding/sensor mesh. He knew about the environmental support systems and the sensor systems. The auto-targetting and computer assist systems were known to him. The power source in the back was something he abruptly knew and was sufficiently complex that it alone could have given him a headache to have those details rammed into his head.

Then there was the gun. The aptly-named Boom Gun. A rail gun that took a shell loaded with ultra-hard flechettes and accelerated them to the point where a sonic boom was heard. When those flechettes hit the target, they could penetrate two inch thick steel armor as if it were styrofoam.

He saw all of that, every detail laid out. He knew it.

"Oh, my head," complained Naruto, curled up in a ball.

* * *

Sakura had awakened and immediately realized someone else was in the room. There was a moment of disorientation as this was her first time sleeping away from the village, and in the village she normally slept at home in her own bed.

That was put aside as she lay there in the Ninja Preferred Method, feigning continued sleep as she gathered details and memories resurfaced.

Right, she was in a temple on the way to Wave Country with the rest of Team 7. She'd gone to sleep late last night. They'd set watches despite the presence of the priest and their jonin instructor, however she had not drawn a watch due to certain ordeals that had that had happened to her and she'd still been a bit woozy from those events. Mainly when she'd gotten slammed into a tree by a gust of wind and nearly hit by lightning.

Sakura opened one eye just a slit, further gathering information as she heard someone moving around.

"Oh, my head," complained Naruto from somewhere nearby.

The priest was briefly visible, moving around the area and filling a pot that hung on a hook over a fire-pit.

Then another girl walked into her field of vision.

Short hair framing her face, Konoha headband covering her forehead, two purple rectangles on her cheeks - clan markings? About their age, possibly a year older.

The girl paused, glanced in Sakura's direction, then continued moving on.

Realizing she'd been discovered, Sakura just went ahead and got up to more openly look over the girl.

The girl in question stopped checking supplies in a backpack and looked back at her.

"Sakura Haruno, Konohagakure nin."

"Rin Nohara, med-nin, Konohagakure."

"I don't recognize you," said Sakura.

"Nor I you," said Rin. "I met Blondie last night. However, there are a great many details I'm not clear on."

"Such as?" prompted Sakura.

"Why is Kakashi so old?" asked Rin, pointing at the jonin. "The priest here tells me this is a temple to a god of mischief, but I've never heard of this version of Inari. How long is Kakashi going to sit there listening as you were doing a moment ago?"

Kakashi stirred and sat up. "Mah. I suppose you got me."

Sasuke stirred as well. Naruto merely groaned and shifted around a bit.

"Why are you so young?" asked Kakashi.

"Me? Why are you so old?" asked Rin.

"This is fate," said the priest, lighting the fire in the pit.

"That doesn't explain anything you know," pointed out Kakashi.

"This is also fate," said the priest with a nod.

"This is going to be SO much paperwork," complained Kakashi.

"How old ARE you, Kakashi?" asked Rin, a cold feeling settling into her stomach.

"I'm only twenty-seven," said Kakashi.

"Twenty-seven? You look older," said Rin.

"It's not the years so much as the mileage," admitted Kakashi. "And ninjas really rack up mileage."

"What happened?" asked Rin. "How can... I'm fourteen."

"Yes, you died at fifteen," said Kakashi.

"She's a zombie?" asked Sakura.

"No," indicated Rin. "I've got a heartbeat. I'm breathing. I'm pretty sure I'm alive."

"There was a god of mischief involved, I wanted proof," said Kakashi. "Apparently one has to be very careful with one's words in the vicinity of such."

Rin rubbed the sides of her head. "Is that why I've got bits and pieces of memory and everything seems jumbled together?"

"Yes, I'd imagine so," said Kakashi. "But what did it mean about Obito being alive?"

"He was in that cave-in, he couldn't have survived, he was crushed beyond my ability to save him," said Rin. "Tsunade could possibly have managed it, but nobody in the area could manage that level of medical ninjutsu."

"Yes, you've always been quite skilled," admitted Kakashi. "Yet I got the distinct impression that wasn't a lie or part of a joke."

"She was brought back from the dead?" asked Sasuke, clearly skeptical. "How did she die?"

"Well, that isn't important at the moment," said Kakashi. "Let's get ready for an early morning departure."

"Hmph," said Cherry, the priest shaking his head. "You might wait for your client to wake up first."

"Well, that and Naruto is still asleep," noted Sakura, getting ready to kick her team member awake. Who was complaining about the pain while still asleep apparently. "What happened to him, anyway?"

"Kekkei genkai suddenly awakening, that can be pretty exhausting from what I've seen," said Kakashi.

* * *

Rin sat back on her haunches and regarded the blond kid.

"Ugh," managed Naruto.

"He's not going to start throwing up again, is he?" asked Sakura, sounding completely disgusted.

Rin looked up at Kakashi, deciding to ignore the pink-haired girl. "I've seen similar things in the hospital, mainly from a Yamanaka who delved a bit too deep and basically downloaded someone's entire life before he could get back out. Things like that."

"So what happened?" asked Kakashi.

"Did you hear the details of his kekkei genkai? What exactly does it do?" asked Rin.

"Uzumaki Weapon Master bloodline," said Kakashi, remembering the conversation from the previous night. "It allows him to scan any weapon and determine how it works and what special properties it has. He can also reinforce weapons, I think. Eventually he can copy the techniques of other weapon-users and manifest copies of their weapons - including their special abilities for example."

"That doesn't sound that useful," said Sakura.

"So if he saw a legendary weapon like the Dragonfly-Cutter, he could eventually make an identical copy?" asked Sasuke, who sounded completely disbelieving but also intrigued.

"Exactly," said Kakashi.

"No. Freaking. Way." Sakura was more than a bit skeptical but had to admit it sounded a bit cooler now.

"So that glittery statue was some kind of weapon and when he saw it, it kind of overwhelmed him?" asked Rin. "I've heard of that with Sharingan users when they first get their eyes going in a serious battle where there are a lot of jutsu in use."

Kakashi thought about that, remembering a few things he'd heard in the last war himself, then nodded. "Yes, that would be my guess too."

"'Glittery statue'?" asked Sakura.

Rin nodded. "It faded out after a minute or so. It was quite strange looking."

"Urgh," managed Naruto.

"If I'm right, and that's what we have here, it could be a few weeks before he's able to do much of anything," said Rin. "Wait. He introduced himself as 'Naruto Uzumaki'?"

"Yeah, so?" asked Sakura.

"As in the clan Uzumaki?" asked Rin of Kakashi. "Like from our allies in Uzushiogakure?"

"Uzushiogakure fell," said Kakashi. "The Uzumaki clan was scattered."

"His chakra is strong enough, I could feel it when I did that diagnostic jutsu, but he doesn't have the red hair," noted Rin.

"He's of the Uzumaki heritage, his mother had brilliant red hair," said Kakashi.

"If he's of that line, he may be ready to go in a few hours then. A day or two at worst," said Rin.

"Huh?" asked Sakura. "Why does it matter?"

"The Uzumaki line was known for having outstanding stamina and recovery ability, as well as having enormous chakra capacities," said Rin. "One of my medic instructors was an Uzumaki."

"Noren," recalled Kakashi. "Died at the hands of Orochimaru when he stole supplies from the hospital about twelve years ago."

"So he's not completely hopeless, just mostly hopeless," mused Sasuke aloud.

"Noren died?" asked Rin. "Orochimaru? I have the feeling I need to catch up on a lot of things."

* * *

"I have an idea," said Kakashi as they waited for Tazuna's friend to arrive with a boat. "Naruto. Scan this."

"It's a kunai," said Naruto.

"Yes, but scan it anyway," said Kakashi, still holding it.

"It's a kunai you bought at Olaf's Discount Weapons during a mission to Snow Country several years back," said Naruto.

"Oh? Is that so?" asked Kakashi.

"Wha?" asked Sakura.

"Yes, as a matter of fact - I was in Snow Country several years ago, and I think I might have resupplied at such a place," said Kakashi. "I hadn't remembered where I'd gotten it though. Try to copy it."

"But didn't you say he couldn't do that yet?" asked Sakura.

"Yes, but this is a common kunai," said Kakashi. "You start with small steps."

Naruto considered that, nodded then held out a hand and concentrated. A moment later, a piece of scrap metal appeared in his hand. "Crap!"

"Keep trying," said Kakashi.

Naruto dropped the scrap, which dissolved before it hit the ground. He kept it up though - because he'd at least gotten SOMETHING when he tried.

After five attempts, they began to resemble kunai. By the tenth, he seemed to have it down.

Glancing over at Naruto to determine that, Kakashi didn't move from where he'd selected to keep a guard out. "Hang on."

A kunai blurred and struck to the side of the road.

"It's awfully warm for ice," muttered Kakashi as he noticed that the glitter he'd struck had been a thin piece of ice in the shade of the nearby rocks. "Okay, Naruto, now... something wrong?"

Naruto had dropped to his knees and was clutching his head. "Unh. That was... oh. So that's what that means."

"What what means?" asked Sakura.

"One of the aspects of the weapons I scan is their movement," said Naruto.

"Huh," said Sasuke. "What would happen if you made a kunai and put a lot of chakra into their movement?"

Kakashi was considering that when he remembered. Naruto. Shadow clone jutsu. Way overpowered usage of said technique and the resulting orange armada. "Wait. Don't."

_BOOM!_

Echoes of the noise carried along the water.

Sakura pointed out over the water, where a line of ripples was still spreading. Her mouth was still hanging open as she slowly turned her head to stare at an obviously proud Naruto.

"I was going to say 'don't do that again' but I can actually see times where that might come in handy," admitted Kakashi.

"What the heck was that?!" asked Sakura.

"How much chakra did you put into that?" asked Sasuke, frowning as he considered the way the fog eddied where it had been pierced.

"About enough for five or six shadow clones," said Naruto, sticking his hand into the cold waters. "Ahhhh."

"Friction burn?" mused Sasuke. "Make it above your hand next time."

"Yeah," said Naruto, hand still in the water.

"Five or six shadow clones? But I've seen you make dozens," said Sakura, an eyebrow twitching. "Didn't Kakashi-sensei say that was a high-chakra technique?"

"I did," confirmed Kakashi, holding his orange book in one hand but obviously distracted even from the siren call of its contents. "If you tried to form a shadow clone, Sakura, you'd die from chakra exhaustion."

"One?" asked Sakura, blinking. "So..."

"He really is an Uzumaki then," said Tazuna.

"Eh? What's that mean?" asked Naruto.

"He means you're an Uzumaki," said Rin. "As in the Uzumaki who used to live in Uzushiogakure. As in the clan that was known for having superior stamina, huge chakra reserves, and a talent for fuuinjutsu. Also for red hair."

"I've seen Naruto's handwriting, I find it hard to believe he has ANY skill at fuuinjutsu," said Sakura drily.

"You remember Uzushiogakure?" Kakashi asked Tazuna.

"Never been there, heard about it," said Tazuna. "Old stuff, really tall buildings, ancient machines."

"I had a clan?!" asked Naruto.

"You're the last of your line, Naruto," said Kakashi softly. "And there's our ride."

"Eh? But -" Naruto looked like he really wanted to pursue details, but then shrugged. Maybe he could get details later. For now he had to work on HIS legend, the legends of his ancestors could come later.

* * *

"What the hell happened?" demanded Gato.

"We were on picket duty, patrolling out there in the fog," said one of the mercenaries. "All of a sudden, something slammed into the side of the boat."

"What?" asked Gato, eyeing the damage to one of his boats. "WHAT damaged one of MY ships?"

"I thought it was one of those ninja knives but we never found it," said the mercenary. "Just the mark of one imbedded on the wood - of the inside of the opposite side of the ship from the hole."

Gato had to consider the very unpleasant possibility that Zabuza knew that he was going to be double-crossed and killed at the end of this little venture. Which would make both much more difficult.

It looked as if it might be necessary to get that insurance anyway.

"One of those ninja knives did that much damage?" asked Gato.

"Don't know, whatever it was - too fast for me to see clearly," said another mercenary.

Gato made a dismissing gesture. "Well, patch it up and get everyone back on the water. I'm not paying you to sit around."

* * *

"Hush, sound carries across the water," whispered Kakashi, sitting at the back of the boat.

"Hai," said Naruto, settling down. He'd hold off on the questions about the Uzumaki clan for now.

Sakura was quiet for a few minutes but noticed Naruto making a kunai and then dismissing it. The shape wasn't perfect though - little blobs and imperfections. "This anything to do with that statue Rin said she saw?"

Rin looked on curiously herself, but didn't think she saw anything as typical as a kunai on that thing.

"These are kinda like those 'boom gun rounds'," said Naruto at a very low volume, frowning as he tried to make a kunai but it came out warped.

"What's a 'boom gun' and is it round?" whispered back Sakura, who was fascinated by Naruto doing that. Not that Sasuke couldn't do something like that after all.

"The boom gun is a railgun that hooks directly into the Glitter Boy power armor," said Naruto.

"Uhm. What?" asked Sakura.

"A railgun is a device that throws a piece of metal at very high speeds," said Naruto, his voice dropping a bit as he tried to figure out how to say the stuff he Knew about from seeing the thing.

"Like your new jutsu for throwing a kunai," pointed out Sasuke.

"Yeah, I guess, but I'm doing it with chakra and that does it with magnets," said Naruto, brightening a bit. "That's what I'll call it though. Railgun no jutsu. Mine isn't that fast yet."

"How fast are these 'railguns' then?" whispered back Sakura.

"Five times the speed of sound," said Naruto absently.

"Gak!" said Sakura, a bit louder than she would have preferred. She thought about trying to block or dodge something moving that fast and didn't like the odds.

"Hmmm," hmmmed Sasuke.

Naruto tried again, forming something a little more kunai-like this time. "Dang it's a lot harder altering the material than just adding velocity."

"Don't spend too much time or chakra working on that when we're on a mission away from home," advised Kakashi, though he was sympathetic. When you were on the trail of mastering a new jutsu or variant - it was difficult to just let it go.

"One more try for now," said Naruto, holding one hand up and pointing towards a patch of shadow on the shore. "Railgun No Jutsu!"

_poom!_

"Quiet Naruto. Stop hyper-accelerating kunai. We're ninja. Stealthy and quiet, remember?" Kakashi reminded his genin. Also deliberately not remembering his own Chidori technique.

"Right, Kakashi-sensei," whispered back Naruto.

* * *

Haku swallowed nervously as the tree he'd used for concealment finished cracking and slowly fell over.

Of course, by this time he was a fair distance away but he'd not expected whatever that was.

In fact, he didn't know what that was. Not at all. Whatever it was had closed the distance between the little boat and his position so fast it couldn't have been tracked.

Zabuza-sama had to be told of this.

* * *

"So the Uzumaki clan is..." Naruto stopped and stared off to the side of the road. Then went to one knee, clutching his head again.

"Again?" asked Sakura. "What is it, an old buried sword?"

"Kubikiribocho," said Naruto in a pained whisper. "The 'Decapitating Carving Knife' - one of the Seven Swords of the 'Seven Ninja Swordsmen of the Mist.' Non-sentient, but slowly developing an awareness of itself over the centuries of use. Once used by Mangetsu Hozuki. It has the special ability to absorb the iron in blood, multiplying it as it does so, in order to regenerate itself."

"Oh?" asked Sasuke.

"Interesting," said Kakashi. "You can replicate it?"

"I don't think so," said Naruto, struggling to get back up. "I mean, a kunai, fine. I mostly got that. This is a bit much."

"I meant later," said Kakashi easily.

"Huh, oh yeah. I think so," said Naruto, nodding a thanks to Rin as she held softly glowing fingers near his head.

"Uhm, how much range does he have?" asked Tazuna nervously.

"Duck!" said Kakashi.

_CLANG!_

"How about that..." said Naruto before nearly collapsing again.

"What the hell?!" asked an unfamiliar voice as someone had just blocked his sword with a copy of the same sword. "What the hell was that?"

The extra Kubikiribocho dissolved into little sparkles.

"That wasn't a genjutsu," said the massive missing-nin as he stood near his sword. Fog began billowing up thicker. "That couldn't be..."

"Oh?" asked Kakashi.

"One of the Uzumaki Weaponmasters?" asked the missing-nin. "They were reported as all dead."

"You're familiar with them then?" asked Kakashi. "Zabuza Momochi, I presume?"

The missing-nin chuckled. "Familiar? All Seven Swordsmen and anyone with a special enhanced weapon knows about them and avoids them or kills them whenever possible. Once one sees your weapon, they can duplicate it using their freaky jutsu. They can't duplicate your skill, but they'll know what you can do with it. I take it from the near-dead appearance that he's recently unlocked that talent."

"Perhaps," said Kakashi.

"It's greatly tempting to leave the kid alive," admitted Zabuza. "In a decade or so he might even make an interesting opponent. Certainly having him wave around a copy of my sword in odd places would take some of the pursuers off my trail."

"I can see how that would work," admitted Kakashi.

"So, you're shepherding a chunin, two genin, and the Weaponmaster." Zabuza shook his head. "If they have the infamous Copycat Kakashi as a sensei, should I assume the others also have something special about them?"

"That would be a perfectly understandable conclusion to come to," admitted Kakashi.

"Well, I'll just have to end their legends here then. A pity, but such things are-"

The moment Zabuza edged his toes under his sword to flip it up, Kakashi was in motion.

"Railgun no jutsu!" called out Naruto.

Zabuza immediately pulled around his sword, ready to block whatever the blond brat was doing.

"You've got some speed, now work on aim," the black-haired kid was advising the blond.

Zabuza Momochi wondered briefly what the kid was talking about, especially as Sharingan Kakashi had leapt backwards and away from him.

"Railgun no Jutsu," repeated the blond kid.

He didn't have to know what was going on particularly. He noticed the kid pointing one hand at him, with the palm up oddly enough. There was a brief flicker of something.

_KA-KLANG!_

Zabuza had braced himself automatically and used his sword to block the area the kid was pointing at. He didn't see whatever that kid had done, but he certainly felt the impact.

"Well, I'll just have to kill the brat before he gets his aim better," said Zabuza, focussing a spike of killing intent at the genin.

"Railgun no Jutsu!"

_KRAK!_  
_WA-TANG!_

Zabuza frowned as the kid had apparently taken the threat seriously and responded by upping the force of that jutsu. He idly palmed and threw a senbon, thinking to disable the annoyance. "Not bad, kid. But not nearly good enough."

"Uhm," said Kakashi. "If you'll remember, you're fighting me. Naruto, it might be best to stop working on your new jutsu and guard the client."

Naruto dodged the senbon, automatically scanning it and determining what exactly it was.

"Pay him back a hundredfold," suggested Sasuke, ready to leap in and fight and take back the spotlight.

"Railgun no Jutsu!!!" declared Naruto, this time throwing everything he could into the attack. 

_KRAKABOOM!_

A thousand needles exceeded the speed of sound.

Kakashi noticed how many of the needles were spread out and took an additional couple of steps back.

"Okay," said Zabuza, noting that he had needles sticking in him everywhere the sword hadn't covered. Lots of needles. "Okay. That was a little more respectable." The needles dissolved into thin air and blood started seeping out of the wounds. "Now I've got to take you seriously. Too bad for you."

"Naruto," said Kakashi, apparently ignoring that the damage to Zabuza was such that the missing-nin would have trouble getting around. After all, he could be faking. "Again!"

"Wha?!" managed a startled Zabuza as he dropped to the ground and prepared to use a jutsu. Though frankly he was just trying to get away at this point.

"Railgun no jutsu!"

_KRAKABOOM!_

"Agh," managed Zabuza, observing that trying to fit his entire body behind the sword hadn't exactly worked.

"That looks like it hurts," said Sakura, staring as she lowered her hands from her ears.

"I noticed," said Zabuza, noting that he was bleeding out and frankly why wasn't Haku...

Two senbon came out of the woods and pierced his neck.

A Kiri Hunter-nin dropped down, told everyone he was disposing of the body, and then fled.

"What did he say?" asked Sasuke. "My ears are still ringing from Naruto's jutsu."

"What?" asked Sakura.

"That was a Kiri Hunter-nin," explained Kakashi. "He was taking Zabuza to destroy the body."

"What?" asked Sasuke and Sakura.

"It was a Kiri Hunter-nin," said Kakashi.

"If you didn't have that mask at least I could read lips," complained Sasuke.

"Did you say something about a kinky water bin?" asked Sakura. "Kakashi-sensei, can you leave your private life out of it?"

"I think if Naruto is going to use that jutsu, we're going to have to invest in ear protection." Kakashi noted.

"What?"

* * *

"Kakashi-sensei?" asked Naruto after everyone's hearing had mostly cleared and Kakashi had explained the situation. "If the Hunter was going to destroy the body, why didn't he just do it here?"

"Oh, that's because..." Kakashi's voice trailed off. "Oh hell."

* * *

"Haku."

"Quiet please, Zabuza-sama. I'm trying to stop the bleeding."

"If I even CAN recover from this," said Zabuza. "How bad is it?"

"It's not good, Zabuza-sama."

"A genin did this. A freaking genin."

"It's a miracle that no major arteries were severed, Zabuza-sama. Or organs. Or..."

"That good?" asked Zabuza.

"In some cases, there is only a single senbon's thickness from a major artery. Either the genin's aim is incredible or you were incredibly lucky," said Haku, sitting back and shaking his head in disbelief.

"I can't believe that kid has that good an aim, and my luck has never been that good." Zabuza mulled it over briefly but just couldn't see any other explanation. "No, I know his aim isn't that good as most of the needles didn't come anywhere near me."

"Your joints on the other hand, Zabuza-sama," Haku began, hesitating. "Without a medic-nin it may be impossible for you to regain full range of motion. It will also take a full week before it is safe for you to move around."

"Lovely," said Zabuza in a sarcastic tone.

There was brief silence as Haku continued to suture, pack medicinal herbs, and bandage.

Zabuza frowned as it was going on, finally asking a question that had been bothering him. "Do you have any idea what a 'railgun' is?"

"No, I was wondering that myself," confessed Haku.

* * *

"So, we've established," said Kakashi. "Don't use the senbon version unless you have NO allies, potential allies, innocents, or objects in the general vicinity of the target. Plus you are only to use it on targets you are absolutely sure are enemies and there are no alternatives to killing them. Right?"

"Right," allowed Naruto, who felt that in terms of awesome amounts of damage it was a perfectly viable tactic.

"Just imagine if an enemy nin had captured Sasuke-" began Kakashi.

"Hnn?" asked an alarmed Sasuke.

"-okay, an enemy nin had captured Sakura and was holding her prisoner. Would you use that jutsu?" asked Kakashi.

Naruto glanced at the torn up ground, trees, underbrush, and looked thoughtful before shaking his head. "No, Kakashi-sensei."

"He'd better be a lot better with his aim if he's going to shoot either version of that jutsu off," pointed out Sasuke.

"Well, we can work on that," admitted Kakashi. "Perfect the aim at lower speeds and then work up. In fact, there's some chakra control exercises I have in mind for this trip. Rin already knows them, so she can help."

* * *

"Senbon, kitchen knife, meat cleaver," said Naruto.

"Keep going," said Kakashi as he led his team out into the woods.

"There really aren't a lot of weapons out here, Kakashi-sensei," complained Naruto.

"How many has Sasuke got?" asked Kakashi.

"Twelve shuriken, three Fuma-shuriken, sixteen kunai, a choke-wire, seven explosive tags and an old ninjato in a scroll," replied Naruto, sulking a bit.

"Eh?" asked Sasuke. "I still have that?"

"How about Sakura?" asked Kakashi.

"Five shuriken, eight kunai, a spool of ninja-wire, a roll of explosive tags, four senbon she's grabbed since I started pointing them out," said Naruto.

"Five," corrected Sakura as she located the one Naruto had spotted. "There's some corrosion."

"You'll want to clean those up so they don't break later," said Kakashi. "Keep going Naruto."

"Old kunai," said Naruto. "Old wood chopping axe, old sword wrapped in oilcloth put in a stone coffer and buried three hundred years ago. Another old axe - this one's corroded all the way through."

"Whoa, go back," said Kakashi. "Sword?"

"Uhm, yeah," said Naruto. "There's one there. About thirty feet off."

* * *

It had required Naruto to use his ability to copy a shovel, several times as it was not a weapon version and therefore more flawed, but they soon had it out and were gathered around as the lid of the stone chest was opened.

"The chest was made using a Doton technique," noted Kakashi. "If only we knew why it was buried."

"Because the previous owner had just killed a bunch of kids with it, under orders from their leader, and he was burying his guilt with the honor blade of his family," answered Naruto.

"Right, that's an unlikely guess," said Sasuke, who couldn't see giving away anything useful if it could be avoided.

"Uhm, no," said a confused Naruto. "I can read its history. I don't know why though."

"Too early to be the destruction of Uzushiogakure," said Kakashi. "Also too early for Kiri's bloodline purges. Most likely it was the interclan warfare during the 'Warring States' period."

"It was buried for several years?" asked Rin. "As moist as it is, there's no damage."

It could have been forged yesterday, decided Sasuke, looking at the blade. The sword was a straight double-edged blade, with a thinner middle. The crosspiece was of some kind of dragon, the head curled back towards the blade while the neck swept out and then merged with its opposite number. The pommel was shaped like a pair of wings, but thick and short and forming a counterbalance.

"The first magic laid on it protects it from the elements," answered Naruto. "You hold it and say its name to bring forth its main ability."

"Oh?" asked Rin, holding the sword up and ignoring the gasp from Kakashi. Really, from all she'd heard - she had already died and so being thrown into a potential danger wasn't that bad was it? "What is its name?"

"Choukanohi," said Naruto. "It's a flametongue blade that covers itself in fire. It is strong against things of ice, weak against water-based constructs, and can set things on fire. It is especially strong against some kinds of undead."

"'Undead'?" asked Sakura, sounding skeptical. "No such thing, right Kakashi-sensei?"

"Hmmmm," hmmmed Kakashi.

"Undead would be things like zombies and ghosts, and that's just childish superstitions, right Kakashi-sensei?" asked Sakura, sounding a little less skeptical and a little more hopeful.

"'Dirge of fire'?" asked Rin, holding the sword up. "Will you sing for me, Choukanohi?"

Golden fire erupted from the blade and sent a wave of warm dry air out from itself.

Sakura sagged a bit as she realized that Kakashi hadn't answered the question. It couldn't be that there WERE such things, right?

"Hmmmm," hmmmed Kakashi as Rin made a few tentative swipes with the blade.

* * *

"Okay, now we start the tree-climbing jutsu," said Kakashi, trying to sound enthusiastic about this.

"What's so hard about that?" asked Sakura.

"You won't be using your hands," said Kakashi.

"Huh," said Naruto, thinking for a moment. His face shifted as he thought of something, then threw one hand forward.

_CHUNK CHUNK CHUNK CHUNK CHUNK!_

"Making a staircase of kunai to walk up is not the correct answer," said Kakashi as he eyed the result of Naruto's attempts. "I'll give you a point for creativity, but this is how you do it."

Kakashi walked up the side of the tree as if he were just walking across the floor of the room.

"Isn't that hard on your ankles?" asked Naruto.

"You'll just run up the side, doing it slowly is a bit harder," admitted Kakashi.

"Uhm," said Sakura.

"I'll keep an eye on them if you keep an eye on the client," said Rin.

"That  was my plan," said Kakashi. "Zabuza did have two subordinates after all. He might have had more - and I'm pretty sure one was that understandably nervous Hunter-nin."

* * *

"Haku?" asked Zabuza Momochi.

"The intrusion has been dealt with, Zabuza-sama," said Haku quietly.

"Eh? The ninja?" asked Zabuza.

"No, some of Gato's men, and Gato himself," said Haku. "I ran them off. You need to mend without these interruptions."

"What haven't you told me?" asked Zabuza.

"Some of the bones are cracked enough that they may shatter entirely if weight is placed on them before they've had a chance to heal," said Haku.

Zabuza was silent for a moment. "There's more, isn't there?"

"There are nicks in major arteries, I have the injuries that I've found bound, but..."

Zabuza nodded, but very very carefully.

"You need a medic of some sort, Zabuza-sama," said Haku. "You were able to block with your sword most of your torso and head, but your sword is cracked in a few places from the impacts."

"I see," said Zabuza.

"Some of these injuries, I've never seen before," admitted Haku. "It's as if the force of the needles was such that they caused pressure waves within the flesh. If the senbon had been kunai as they were when the boy first used the jutsu..."

"I wouldn't have any limbs left at best, or I'd be dead," noted Zabuza. "Well. Isn't THIS screwed up."

It not being a question, Haku didn't answer. Instead he got down a mortar and pestle and began crushing herbs into a poultice. Meanwhile, he was trying to think of a way to acquire a medic's services. IF he could find one.

* * *

Rin had mainly trained with the ninjato. This was different in several respects, therefore she had to familiarize herself with the weight and balance and reach.

"So what else can this sword do?" asked Rin.

Naruto thumped onto the ground and took a few moments to get his breath back. "Eh?"

"It's taking all his concentration to tree walk," noted Sakura from one of the higher branches. "You might want to hold off on having him use his talent."

"Th-thanks, Sakura-chan," said Naruto from where he was lying on the ground.

"If I say the name of the blade, I can cause it to ignite," said Rin. "Also the same thing if I want it to go back to being a normal sword."

"Yeah, and if you thrust the sword into a fire - you can command the sword to drink the flames," said Naruto, still lying on the ground. "There's a couple of other features, but they're locked."

"But you can still see how to use them, right?" asked Rin.

"Not really," said Naruto, lifting his legs up and then rolling forward to stand upright. "This time for sure!"

"What do you mean 'not really'?" asked Rin.

"I thought you were just going to help us learn this stuff," said Sakura.

"I am," said Rin, going through a few sword maneuvers. "Any of you asking for help or hints, I'm here. How you gather and use chakra though - that's something you have to manage individually because we all experience the feeling of chakra differently."

"So... basically you're just watching Sasuke and Naruto repeatedly fall off trees," summed up Sakura.

"What am I doing wrong?" asked Naruto.

"Too much chakra, and your control is horrible," said Rin. "That's why you keep blasting yourself off the tree."

"So that means..." said Sasuke as he managed to land on his feet.

"Too little chakra and you fail to stick," said Rin, swinging the blade around and making a face at how it was pulling her off-balance.

"So Sakura's just awesome at control?" asked Naruto.

"Yeah, but she's been resting up on that branch for a good fifteen minutes," said Rin. "Depleted your chakra, didn't you?"

"Uhm, kinda," admitted Sakura.

"So, I'm no Hyuga," said Rin, "but I'm guessing that Sasuke here has roughly five times your chakra level. Naruto is closer to five hundred times your chakra level. That being the case, I have an exercise for you to build up your chakra, Sakura."

"What is it?" asked Sakura, curious.

"Water walking," said Rin, putting the sword back in its scabbard. "Come on, there's a stream over here."

* * *

"There's just one ninja," said the mercenary. "And he ain't even paying attention. Just sitting in front of the house reading some book."

"Good, he won't even know what hit him," said Gato. "Let's see, wait. I wanted fifty of you mercenaries. Why is there only forty-nine?"

"Renaldo ate something that musta had dairy innit," explained one of the mercs. "He's intolerant. Be a couple of hours before he can get far from the toilet."

"What?" asked Gato. "What kind of rabid attack-dog mercenary is lactose intolerant?"

"Well, he's good with an axe and all," said the talkative mercenary. "Though I think he was a cabinetmaker before the economy went ta the crapper. Which is what the dairy stuff does to 'im. Ya ever been downwind of 'im when that happens, ya wouldn't want 'im around anyway."

"Fine, but he's not getting paid," said Gato. "Forty-nine toughened merciless humorless mercenaries will have to do."

"Actually, I like a good joke," said one of the mostly-anonymous mercenaries before he was elbowed by the mercenary standing next to him.

"Any further interruptions?" asked Gato, frowning.

"No, not so much," said the talkative mercenary.

"Good! Go kill the bridge-builder!" Gato paused. "Why are you still standing here?"

"Oh, I thought this was the part where you gave a motivational speech or somethin'," said the talkative one, rubbing the back of his head. "Or maybe gave the villainous soliloquy."

Gato frowned at the talkative one. "Did I hire ruthless mercenaries or not?"

"Well, most of us used ta have other jobs ya know," said the talkative one. "I was a breadmaker, local union 307. Danis over there taught math and social sciences. It's just that there's no jobs anymore with the economy like it is, so we ended up taking whatever job we could find and doing whate'er needed doin' - and ain't that kinda the definition of mercenary?"

"I suppose," said Gato, frowning. "And no. Just kill the bridge-builder and the ninja, crush the spirits of Wave, and ensure my rule is unchallenged."

"What he's saying, Leeroy," said one of the other mercenaries, "is we got to do what we got to do."

"Gotcha," said the former breadmaker, hefting a pair of long knives up. "Leeeeerooyyyy Junkbox!"

Gato smirked as his mercenary force charged down the street, turning the corner and heading for the house. He proceeded at his own pace, not hurrying.

When he turned the corner though, he saw the bodies of his mercenaries lying all over the place. And a single ninja, still apparently sitting on a tree stump, reading a little orange book. "WHAT?"

The ninja on the tree stump apparently ignored him. One of his mercenaries fell down from where he'd apparently gotten thrown into a tree.

The ninja sitting there giggled at something in the book.

"WHAT?!" repeated Gato. "Did you kill fifty mercenaries without even looking?!"

The ninja turned a page, and his single visible eye widened slightly. "Oh my. Heh heh heh. Yoko, you're such a naughty girl."

Gato strode up to within a few feet of the ninja, anger overcoming caution, to peer at the cover of the book. "Icha Icha?! You're reading that trash? I wouldn't even use it to line a bird cage!"

_ka-thunk_

Gato fell backwards, a kunai having imbedded itself in his chest.

Kakashi Hatake looked up. "I'm sorry. Did you say something?"

* * *

Rin paused as she returned to the house with Team 7. "Why are there dead mercenaries all over the front lawn?"

"That must have been some fight," said Naruto, sounding awed. Really, the only time he'd seen more bodies lying about like this had been after one of the minor clans had this really massive party and drunk themselves into unconsciousness. Of course, being as he was fully into being a prankster at the time - he'd gotten one of their metal ladles and a large iron pot... okay, that hadn't ended all that well.

A mercenary fell out of another tree, leaving four more still up in trees and three on the roof.

"It's raining thugs," noted Naruto. "Was it some super-cool jutsu that thrashes entire armies at once?!"

"Hmmm?" asked Kakashi, looking up. "Oh. You guys are back?"

"You're reading something?" asked Rin. "It isn't another of those tawdry hentai court romances again, is it?" If it was, she was going to borrow it - current physical age be damned.

"No," said Kakashi. "This is much better. The Icha Icha series by Jiraiya."

"Jiraiya?" asked Sakura, looking completely exhausted and being given a piggyback ride by Naruto. It was a measure of her exhaustion that she wasn't protesting that. "One of Konoha's legendary..."

"She fell asleep in mid-sentence?" asked Kakashi before smiling behind his mask. "You've been training them well."

Sasuke merely went past everyone, headed into the home, found his bedroll and collapsed onto it.

* * *

"You're all going to die! Gato's too strong!"

"This is Gato, right?" asked Naruto, lifting one corpse's head.

"Wha-wha-what?!" squeaked Inari, his prepared speech falling to the wayside.

"He's dead," said Naruto. "I don't think he's gonna be a major problem right now."

"Bu-bu-but..." Inari stared at that body, then began to realize what was littering the front lawn. "You..."

"I'm pulling all the useful weapons and putting them in that pile over there," said Naruto, pointing.

"Hn," indicated Sasuke, sounding pleased as he dropped a body onto the wagon and then started towards the pile of weapons.

Sakura glanced at the weaponry pile, the discard pile, and then at the bodies.

"It's okay, Sakura," said Kakashi. "Really, we're only paid (and inadequately at that) for keeping the client alive while he builds his bridge. Cleaning up isn't something we have to do."

"You sure this is the 'keep' pile?" asked Sasuke, holding up a large and curved single-edge knife.

"Jambiya," said Naruto, glancing at the knife. "Ritual dagger. Steel blade with hilt carved from rhino horn, sheath is wood wrapped with cotton cord. Used most recently as a skinning knife."

Sasuke blinked a couple of times as he digested that bit of information, then held up another weapon from the pile. "This?"

"Monk's Spade or getsugasan, developed from the combat shovel. That one was taken from a wandering priest the bandit killed seven months ago. Prior to that the monk Hanamizuki used it while on his temple-appointed mission to kill zombies."

"Knock it off, Naruto, there's no such thing as zombies!" declared Sakura. "Right, Kakashi-sensei?"

"Hmmm," hmmmed Kakashi.

"Right, Kakashi-sensei?" asked Sakura again, just a little less confidently.

"What about this one?" asked Sasuke, holding up one that he thought he might just keep.

"Kusarigama. Scrounged off of a battlefield eighteen years ago, used by a Kiri ninja before that. High-grade tempered steel except for the weight part - that's iron after the original weight was lost. Fifth link up from the weight needs replaced, it's scored pretty badly."

Sasuke considered that, checked, then put the weapon back down with a nod. He frowned as he picked something else up out of the pile.

"Rubber ducky. Explosive delivery device. Normal blast radius three feet."

Sasuke stared at Naruto for a moment, then at the little yellow duck.

"You're kidding," said Sakura.

Sasuke checked the bottom of the duck, found the squeaker section could be removed, and pulled an inactivated explosive tag out.

"Why would you even use something like that?" asked Sakura, aghast at the cute but now strangely sinister device.

"Waterproof," noted Sasuke. "Hidden."

"Well, still," muttered Sakura, deciding she'd check out Gato's pockets to see if he had anything useful. Spoils of war clause after all.

"That can't be Gato, he's too strong!" said Inari as he finally recovered.

"Meh, no actually. If your people had just gathered up weapons, you could have fought him off yourselves," said Kakashi, having returned to reading his book. "The problem is that if I've figured things out, is that only one or two people at most ever tried challenging Gato. Superior numbers are pretty hard for untrained people to overcome."

"You did," pointed out Sakura.

"Ah, but I'm hardly 'untrained' am I?" retorted Kakashi.

"What about this one?" asked Sasuke.

"Shortsword," responded Naruto after a glance. "Spatha type. Made four years ago in Kiri. Carried as a self-defense weapon by a wine merchant until two months ago when it was stolen."

"Hn," indicated Sasuke, considering this one a possible.

"Well, we can sell the ones you don't keep," said Kakashi. "That'll help defray some of the costs here."

* * *

"You are gathering medicinal herbs?" asked Haku, looking at the basket.

"Oh, yes," said Rin, pointing. "Blindweed grows especially well around here. It's good for chakra recovery. I see you've been gathering ghost mushrooms and feverfew."

"Why yes," said Haku. "They're quite useful. I take it from the headband that you're one of the 'heroic ninja'?"

"Well, I suppose," allowed Rin. "I'm a medic-nin with Konoha." Rin felt a sudden wave of intent off of the bishonen herb-gatherer. Not so much killing intent as something else.

"I'm sure you're much more up on herbs than myself then, I'm only a dabbler in such things," said Haku.

"Well, I did train pretty extensively," admitted Rin. "You might want to try gathering some of these. Ragveil. Be careful you don't breathe any of the pollen in - if you're at all allergic to the stuff it can really mess you up. If you damp them down first that takes care of it. Then you make a paste of them for dealing with bruising."

"I see," said Haku. "What about that one?"

"Oh, that's sorrowmoss. If used right, it's a good numbing agent. Used wrong, it'll make someone really sick." Rin decided to neglect the use of the term purgative. Really, chew on one of those and you'd think the chewer had activated a water release jutsu from both ends. Nasty.

Haku looked thoughtfully at the herb in question before deciding to peacefully part from the medic-nin. There was no reason for her to even know whom she was speaking with.

* * *

Naruto had, through his Railgun No Jutsu, been getting used to throwing lots of chakra out. It had the benefit of seeing immediate results of a generally positive nature. Making Naruto look like a competent ninja, which Naruto had discovered he really liked.

Sasuke would absolutely never admit being envious of the Academy's dead last. No. No way, no how, not happening.

Using his clan's favorite fireball technique to set the wagon full of dead bodies ablaze and putting just a smidgen too much chakra into the technique was therefore NOT a response to being overshadowed by Naruto, nor missing out on the slaughter that had occurred when mercenary forces met a well-rested former ANBU Captain and jonin ninja.

That the wagon was now merrily burning, along with sections of grass and some detritus on the road giving the whole a well-blasted look was therefore entirely coincidence.

Sakura, having discovered that Sasuke was his usual excellent and skilled self and that Naruto was unexpectedly powerful and had useful talents, was feeling a bit left out. However she also had some idea of what she could do about it. Rin Nohara was a medic-nin and had been on a team with an Uchiha and with Kakashi-sensei. She had contributed, had a place on her team, and been respected for her talents. There was a lot going on that was unsaid, apparently a lot of it regarding the circumstances of her original death, but that was part of ninja life wasn't it? Lots and lots of stuff that a rookie genin was not cleared to be told about.

* * *

Rin was back.

Kakashi Hatake wasn't sure about a lot of things, but this was Rin Nohara - as she had been prior to her kidnapping and becoming the jinchuriki of the Sanbi. It was as if a photo of that Rin had been taken at that time, and then someone just reached into the photo and pulled her out. She was a little more confused, a little more off-balance than he remembered at that time - but then she WAS out of her own time.

He'd had a chance to talk to her a few times and had noticed the scratch above her left elbow. That had been a minor thing, not worthy of being treated until they were back home. He remembered when and how she'd gotten it - from a thorny branch when she'd gone through some underbrush.

Kakashi's eye wandered over the written page as he considered that. Actually, considering that it HAD been a god of mischief, he thought the photograph analogy might actually be accurate. She'd gone on past that in his memories, but a "Rin-image" of that time and place had been created and in this present time she had been reset to that.

Which was good, because if she'd still had the Sanbi within her - he might have had to kill her again and that was something he just didn't know if he could manage. Once had been bad enough, to do it a second time even if it was her decision again - not something he'd want to contemplate.

* * *

Choukanohi, a sword with power over fire, rested in its scabbard across her back.

Rin wasn't too sure about this girlish-looking boy, she generally didn't care for the pretty-boy type herself. She preferred cool and competent types.

The two talked for awhile about herbs and their medicinal uses, and it was pleasant enough, but Rin got the feeling that there was something else going on. A half-formed sense of danger that never quite materialized.

Finally the gathering and sharing of herbs and berries was done and the two went their separate ways.

* * *

Cute.

Okay, he knew what Zabuza-sama had repeatedly told him. He was a ninja and therefore a weapon. A ninja had to be able to turn their heart off and kill without hesitation or mercy.

Still, he HAD noticed how cute the medic-nin was. And intelligent. And a wealth of information on medical techniques and herbs and their uses. And he had noticed her smile.

It had been the smile that had been the devastating part.

Kidnapping her and taking her to work on Zabuza-sama was the most logical and ninja thing for him to do. It might have been difficult to force her to work on an enemy, but it could have been done.

Getting information on how to use the various herbs to better effect, well, that was a lesser prize. Still valuable though.

If only she hadn't been so damn cute!

Haku sighed, glancing back in the direction of the Konoha nin. If only they weren't on different sides. Not that Zabuza-sama and himself were really on anyone's side but their own, being missing-nin and all.

Well, no cause for it but to get back to Zabuza-sama and try out the different herbs.

* * *

"This is it," said Naruto. "Largest concentration of weapons. Some of 'em old."

Rin nodded and looked over the oddly constructed building. "Strange architecture."

"Just normal weapons except for three of 'em," continued Naruto, still concentrating on the information his odd weapon-sense was giving him.

"So what's the plan?" asked Sasuke.

"Silent and cautious on approach," said Rin. "Gato most likely had the bulk of his mercenaries with him. I'd expect he left a few guards here and there just for emergencies. News of their boss being dead has most likely not gotten back to them yet."

"You sure we shouldn't tell Kakashi-sensei?" asked Naruto, dropping the technique.

"I left him a note," said Rin. "Most likely he won't even notice. Either of you have any special stealth techniques?"

"Well, I can be pretty sneaky when I want to be, I painted the Hokage monument without anyone noticing till I was done," said Naruto.

"But no technique?" asked Rin. "That might just be luck or relying on psychological quirks such as the tendency of people not to look closely at things they're used to seeing. Sasuke?"

"No," answered Sasuke.

"What has Kakashi been teaching you?" asked Rin.

"He's been teaching us?" scoffed Sasuke.

"Mostly we just meet up, go do a D-Rank, spar or throw shuriken or something, and that's about it," admitted Naruto.

"Well, we'll just have to try anyway," said Rin. "Last chance. Either of you want to not risk it - now's the time to say so."

Neither said anything.

Rin made a point of pulling her sword out of its scabbard and putting it back in, making sure the excessive moisture of Wave didn't cause the two to stick at exactly the wrong time.

Then they were through the front gate in silent formation, with Rin taking point as the chunin.

* * *

It was similar to bandit camps around the base of the structure, probably for the same reasons.

Rin Nohara had done a few raids on bandit camps and the like. They themselves had similar setups to camps used by mercenaries, researchers of old ruins, trading caravans, and the like. Possibly because of mercenaries being found in all such groups as part of their 'do whatever it takes to get a paycheck' lifestyle.

The professional mercenaries, the ones who had been in the business for awhile and knew the score - were both the toughest and easiest to deal with. Most, on finding out that they were facing a ninja tasked with stopping their boss, would simply back away and go on to the next job. They knew when they were in over their head and had no chance of survival in a ninja fight. Rin called them the 'pragmatists' because they were ones to weigh the odds and leave the game rather than lose everything.

The second category was the mercenaries that would be the most problem. Veterans who had a sense of honor or duty. They would fight, even against overwhelming odds. Thankfully there were damn few of those. She'd met a couple like that on the job with the ruins being researched. If faced with truly overwhelming odds those two would have grabbed the client's children and attempted to retreat. Anything less than that and they'd have fought with everything they had to protect their client. Rin referred to that group as the "loyalists" while she'd also heard them referred to as "ronin" among other less flattering terms by other Konoha nin.

Considering what she'd already pieced together about Gato, she was guessing that his mercenaries were of the last category. The least-trained and experienced, the desperate and the lazy, the most unpredictable. Some, most even, were just normal untrained people who'd picked up a weapon and declared themselves a mercenary. Some had minimal weapon training or some practice with their weapons. They would have no real loyalty to their employer, little or no discipline, and could be treated as civilians. Even genin fresh out of the Academy could deal with one.

Rin sniffed as an odor reached her, then made her way to an outhouse. Seeing a way to barricade it from the outside, she did so and simply left it that way. One less problem. Judging from the noises within, someone was so busy being sick that she didn't have to do anything else.

Rin glanced at the two behind her. Naruto had sniffed too and was looking a bit ill. Sasuke merely looked puzzled, probably not understanding why they were leaving a potential enemy alive.

"We're ninja," whispered Rin, deciding this was a Teachable Moment. "We aren't here to rack up a kill count. If we can leave them alive and terrified - so much the better. Think of when that guy gets out and finds out ninja have come and gone while he wasn't looking."

Naruto's grin indicated he thought this was amusing. Sasuke just made an annoying little noise and turned his attention to the surroundings instead.

The next one was an older man, grumbling to himself as he carried a folder of papers from an office towards the top of the building.

Sasuke was ready to put a kunai into the base of the man's skull, but Rin beat him to it with a poisoned needle. The man hit the ground.

When Sasuke looked irritated at her, Rin offered a whispered explanation. "Clerk. Civilian. See the inkstained fingers? If we need information we can come back and interrogate him and the guard. If we kill them, there's an information source we've lost."

Sasuke looked a bit frustrated at that but at least nodded.

"What is all this?" asked Naruto, having started gathering up the scattered papers.

Rin took the folder and flipped through. "Invoices. Payments received and payments issued. Everything but the numbers are coded though. We check Gato's office there's likely a codebook to make sense of this. I especially want to see what 'A-3' is as that's got the biggest numbers and they're all outgoing."

Naruto looked like he didn't get it. Sasuke lost the irritation, or at least some of it, and got a bit more thoughtful.

Rin made a gesture with one hand and they continued on, silent as before.

Each office was given a once-over, Rin knowing what she was looking for. There were several of them, plus a large bedroom, plus a kitchen, plus something that was likely a barracks for veteran mercenaries. There were also some interior restrooms plus a locked and trapped (poison needle trap) door that led to a storage room. She disassembled the trap and handed it off to Naruto who brightened as if a child with a new toy.

Well, he'd detected the needle before she'd even got there. Apparently that counted as a weapon. Handy to know.

Getting to the pinnacle of the building revealed it had a major office and what was apparently Gato's bedroom just beyond.

She hesitated before the door, listening.

"One weapon," whispered Naruto. "Knife. Masterwork level folded steel. There's also something else."

"Can you be a bit more specific?" whispered Sasuke, clearly annoyed by something.

"Don't know what it is," complained Naruto. "Haven't run into one before."

"Describe what you're getting," whispered back Rin.

Naruto closed his eyes and looked as if he was concentrating hard on something, the only sign he was using his weapon-scanning talent. "Old. Very old. Protected. Someone with weird eyes got ahold of it. Didn't make it. Used it a couple of times. Put it aside, sealed for later research. Never came back. Something making it hard to see - wards or something I guess."

"That does not help a lot," noted Sasuke quietly.

"Is someone there?" came a female voice from the other side of the door.

Rin made a gesture and all three of them hid.

The door opened.

The girl that came out was barely dressed, maybe a year or two older than the genin, and had a pronounced limp. She was also quite attractive under makeup that made her look fairly "trashy" despite her age.

"It's okay," said the girl, calling back into the room. "It's not Gato. Must have been the wind or a mouse or something."

"I could have sworn I heard something," said another woman's voice.

"Well, I don't see-" began the girl before she stopped and stared at something.

Rin was moving as soon as that tell was made. The ring-end of a kunai slammed into the back of the girl's skull with a very precisely applied amount of force.

"Rika?"

Sasuke went through the door, shuriken held between his fingers and ready to throw. He stopped and stared.

Naruto went through a second later, rolling through and then ending up facing the opposite direction from Sasuke. He turned and stopped and stared as well.

Rin was more curious than alarmed, guessing already what she'd find.

The girl spread-eagled and chained to the wall was looking confused. "Uhm. You guys are awfully short to be mercenaries."

"Gato's kept women?" asked Rin.

"Does it LOOK like I've got much choice?" asked the naked girl chained to the wall.

Rin glanced at the two boys, who were still staring, and made a disappointed noise.

"You didn't kill Rika, did you?" asked the girl on the wall. "She's not that bad. Unless she starts singing."

"How do you know we're not mercenaries?" asked Rin, looking over the room which was dominated by a bed that was simply too huge for the short little guy she'd seen earlier who had apparently been this 'Gato' person.

"The way they're staring? If I had any innocence left I'd be embarassed."

Rin nodded. "You two. Stop that. You're genin, not Academy students out peeping."

Rin was partly mollified by the two acting sheepish. Naruto went over to the bed, reached under the pillow and pulled the knife out that he'd sensed earlier.

"'Genin'? So you three are ninja?" asked the girl on the wall. "Then there's one thing to ask. Are you going to let me down?"

"Maybe. In time," answered Rin. "Know anything about the safe or how to open it?"

"The safe in the open just contains business records," said the chained girl. "Petty cash. Stuff like that. The one behind the cabinet contains his valuable stuff. Combination lock. Never got a chance to see him open it, so I don't know the combination."

"Figures," complained Naruto, going over to something in the corner.

"That crate is something he got in awhile ago," said the chained girl.

"Hadn't opened it?" asked Rin.

"Waiting for some 'expert' of some kind," said the girl. "So? Useful enough to be let go now? I've kind of been up here awhile."

"Where's the key?" asked Rin.

"Gato kept it on him," said the girl. "You're ninja though. So you know how to open locks, right?"

Rin glanced at the girl, noting the new perspiration. If they had been Kiri-nin, she'd have been dead already. If they had been from Kumo or Iwa, most likely they'd leave her here without a second glance. "So, Naruto. That's the 'weird thing'?"

"Yeah," said Naruto.

"Don't touch, but look over it. Check for traps before going any further," said Rin, going over to the girl and checking the manacles. Pretty standard construction. Mass produced crap. Enough to hold a standard prisoner, but a ninja would have gotten out the moment someone's back had been turned. Which fit what she had put together about the girl so far. Not a ninja. Maybe fourteen at most. Both girls looked to be noncombatants with minimal useful skills, chosen for physical attractiveness only.

Having both of them around to point out things might be useful, and they WERE from Konohagakure - which generally didn't run around killing potential future clients. Or much of anyone for that matter unless they had a good reason. It's not like they were from Kiri or something.

Naruto shifted the top of the crate to the side and looked inside it. He made a puzzled sound.

Sasuke went around to the side to look in at what Naruto was looking at, with a faint puzzled expression as he saw it and tried to figure it out himself.

* * *

AN: SECTION ADDED 9/29/15

* * *

"A girl?" asked Sasuke.

"Yes, and no," answered Naruto.

Rin looked down at the girl in the crystal coffin that was in the crate and frowned a bit as she considered. "A statue maybe? Or a puppet?"

"Maybe something like that," admitted Naruto. "Titanium alloys, artificial muscles and tissues."

Rin held one hand over the crystal and extended healing chakra as she tried to determine herself exactly what this was. "Not a puppet like they make in Suna. Not human though either."

"Let me see," said Naruto as Rin stepped back. He held a hand over the figure. "Not a weapon. Not quite. But there's something."

Eyes snapped open within the coffin. The calm face looked over each of them in turn, and the girl started to sit up.

_THUMP!_

Her expression grew panicked as she found herself trapped within the coffin. Tears began welling up in emerald eyes as she tried to find a way out.

Naruto held out a hand and was abruptly holding a blade.

"Wait," began Sasuke.

_SMASH!_

Rin sighed and shook her head. So impulsive.

* * *

Now wearing a bedsheet, the girl looked them over and finally began a little smile when she settled on Naruto.

"What exactly ARE you?" asked Rin finally, after trying to come up with some polite way of putting it and failing.

"I'm Vocaloid #1: Miku Hatsune!" declared the girl/puppet.

"Which tells me nothing other than a name," said Rin. "Are you a puppet?"

"No, I'm a Vocaloid," answered Miku. "Uhm. I'm an entertainer?"

"Not quite a puppet though I've heard of human puppets," said Rin. "I haven't heard of puppets that could move on their own though."

"Entertainer?" asked Sasuke.

"I can sing and dance and I know a number of skills!" said Miku, perking up enormously.

"You're not human, at least not like us," pointed out Rin.

"No, I'm a vocaloid. An android built for entertainment purposes," said Miku. "Though my product line was also multipurpose to some extent we remain primarily entertainment units. Would you like me to sing for you?"

"Maybe later," said Rin, not sounding that interested.

"Oh," said Miku, losing the brief cheering up and looking depressed.

"Well, we've got two captives and a 'vocaloid' to help us carry stuff at least," said Sasuke.

* * *

Kakashi sighed. "My minions. You bring more problems."

"Rika Saihoushi," said the one wearing too much makeup.

"Tami of Port Town," said the other girl.

"Miku Hatsune, vocaloid #1. My serial number is 0002014!" declared the third girl.

"The first two were Gato's..." Rin made a face.

"Yeah, well, we were kept around as playthings," said Rika. "Both of us were taken in raids from pirates and sold to Gato. By the way, I hope you killed him in a particularly painful manner."

"Actually it was fairly quick but yes - he is quite dead," said Kakashi.

"Anyone mind if I wipe this stuff off then?" asked Rika. "Gato liked this stuff, not me."

"You two OUTSIDE," said Rin to Naruto and Sasuke.

"What about Kakashi-sensei?" asked Naruto.

"He's the jonin in charge," said Rin. "He'll have to take the statements while I do a medical exam."

"Hmph," indicated Sasuke before he realized Naruto had already left.

Miku started getting up to follow them.

"No, Miku. You stay too." Rin shook her head. "Sakura? Can you help out here?"

Sakura stopped gaping and nodded.

* * *

"Huh," said Naruto, picking up one of the weapons that had ended up in the "save" pile and hefting it.

"You know how to use that?" asked Sasuke, who'd taken a liking to the kusarigama once he'd taken the weak link out of the chain and then simply fixed the two parts back together without it.

Naruto began whirling the staff around, seeming to get better at it as he went.

"Ah. Weapon Master bloodline, right." Sasuke nodded to himself. Seemed fairly useful actually.

"You want to start sealing this stuff up?" asked Naruto when he'd finished.

"I'll keep watch, you seal it up," said Sasuke.

"Pfeh, whatever," said Naruto.

Sasuke watched, glancing every so often at Naruto putting weapons away in a scroll.

"HE'S YOUR WHAT?!"

"That was Rin," noted Naruto, glancing towards the house.

"Yeah," said Sasuke.

Naruto considered before returning to the task at hand. "Troublesome."

* * *

Sakura stared. "Naruto is your WHAT?"

"My Master," answered Miku. "Why?"

"How long have you been asleep?" asked Rin, glancing up from where she was running a glowing hand over Miku's abdomen.

"I do not know, all sense of time was lost when I was deactivated," said Miku.

"'Deactivated' right," said Sakura. It was hard to dismiss the girl as just a machine when she was moving and talking - despite the obvious seam lines.

Rin shook her head as she deactivated her medical jutsu. Her initial conclusions were supported by this exam. "Your body superficially resembles a human body, but you're more like a doll in some ways. Or a puppet."

Miku cocked her head. "I'm a vocaloid."

"Yes, you've said that before," said Rin. "How did you end up in a warehouse owned by Gato."

"Hagoromo Otsutsuki-sama summoned me to this world," said Miku. "Prior to that I was constructed in New Tokyo, and was placed in a warehouse. I was first activated by Hagoromo-sama. I entertained guests mostly."

"The Sage Of Six Paths was an actual person and not a legend then?" asked Rin.

"Who?" asked Sakura.

"The Sage Of Six Paths, the legendary person who first taught others to manipulate chakra," said Rin.

"This was after the fight with his mother," said Miku. "I heard enough about that battle but only saw a couple of statues and a painting. Hagoromo-sama didn't talk about it much."

"That was something like nine hundred years ago if the legends are true," said Rin.

"I only saw his brother once," said Miku. "Before he left for the moon a final time. He didn't like me for some reason."

Rin sat down. "That's a bit much to take in all at once. There's only a few references to Otsutsuki that I've run across - and those refer to him as a myth."

The other two rescuees could go their own way, Rin decided. They had lives to make or return to. This Miku though - she was a unique information source and information was something that could be very useful to a ninja.

* * *

Naruto figured they were waiting for Kakashi-sensei to show up, so he might as well see if he could do it yet.

He hunkered down, concentrating. Chakra began to build around him.

"What are y-" began Sakura before Sasuke made a slashing gesture and then brought a single finger to his lips.

Miku made a little inquisitive noise but didn't speak from where she was sitting.

Flickering images appeared around Naruto. Tubes, plates, pads, plastic webbing. Everything appeared and dissolved in sprinkles of light and puffs of chakra smoke.

Just for less than a second, something stood on the grass. Then it was just Naruto, leaning down on all fours as he tried to catch a breath.

"What WAS that?" asked Sakura.

Naruto continued to try and breathe, sweat dripping down from him.

"That was a set of power armor," said Miku.

"'Power armor'?" asked Sakura. "Something from the time of the Sage?"

Miku shook her head. "It's in my database. I don't know details or how they were made. But lots of people had power armor if they were doing something dangerous. I think firefighters and some police and soldiers and stuff had power armor. I don't recognize that one though."

"Too big for you to copy?" asked Sasuke as Naruto finally got his breathing under control.

"I think I could manage if it was just that," said Naruto between gasps. "It's so  complicated though. There's so much to it."

"So what IS power armor?" asked Sakura.

"Typically power armor is something to protect the wearer," said Miku hesitantly. "A firefighter could go into a big fire and not worry about breathing smoke because it has its own air supply. And it would keep him cool and boost his strength in case a wall fell on him and such."

"Next time just try forming part of it," suggested Sasuke.

* * *

The Hokage steepled his hands in front of him. "I see."

"You do?" asked Naruto.

"Iruka," said the Hokage, glancing to the side where the chunin had been present for the initial report. "Make notes."

"Sir," said chunin Umino, breaking off the staring he'd been doing at the six others in the office. Three of whom had been students not too long ago and whom he wouldn't have expected to go through HALF of this within the first half-year out of the Academy.

"Your mission was a C-Rank to escort the bridge-builder Tazuna to Wave Country," said the Hokage. "You encountered the Demon Brothers and the missing-nin escalated the mission to B-Rank. You continued on. Iruka, put in a note that Kakashi HAS brought up the trade revenue possibilities to Tazuna and we should be able to parlay that into increased revenue on other C-Ranks and a few B-Ranks in the area providing escort services."

"Sir," acknowledged Iruka.

"During the mission you encountered a Being," said the Hokage. "Something that claimed to be a 'trickster god' of some kind. Iruka, make a note to send a three-man ANBU team to investigate this temple - but to maintain cordial contact with the priests there."

"Sir," repeated Iruka as he scribbled something in the margin to that effect.

"When you challenged it to prove what it was," said the Hokage, glancing at the fifth member of Team 7, "it returned Chunin Rin Nohara to life at an age before her fatal encounter. It also indicated that it could not do the same for Obito Uchiha as he was 'still among the living'?"

"That's what it said," agreed Kakashi. "Though neither Rin nor myself know how that could be true."

"Hmmm," hmmmed the Hokage. "This creature then activated Naruto's Uzumaki heritage with the Weapon Master bloodline and showed him something that caused Naruto to black out."

"Glitter Boy power armor, ojiisan," said Naruto.

"What IS 'Glitter Boy power armor' exactly?" asked the Hokage.

"It's one of several types of armor that increases your strength and ability to move, and has really hard armor," said Naruto. "It glitters cause one of the weapons it defends against uses light beams to burn through stuff. It has a really big weapon called a 'Boom Gun' which shoots something like a dozen senbon made of really tough materials at speeds faster than sound. But it's too complicated - I can't picture everything that makes it up all at once in order to make one like I can with kunai or senbon."

"I see, that might be just as well anyway," said the Hokage. "But you managed to figure out something similar."

"My Railgun No Jutsu!" said Naruto happily, thinking that was one of the neatest jutsu he'd ever heard of.

"Zabuza Momochi was defeated but not killed, and is currently believed to have either succumbed to his wounds or is still recovering from damage done," continued the Hokage. "That is your considered opinion, Chunin Nohara?"

"Considering what the senbon that missed Momochi did to nearby trees, Hokage-sama?" Rin shook her head. "Barring Tsunade-level medical attention, divine intervention, or some bloodline ability - it is unlikely Momochi will ever fully recover. The needles struck with such force that pressure waves would have torn apart tissue anywhere near the puncture site."

The Hokage nodded. A pity that they hadn't managed the kill - as those could come back to haunt ninja later on - but this WAS the team's first encounter with high level ninja and expecting everything to run smoothly was not very realistic. "Naruto was able to use the sensory abilities associated with the Weapon Master talent to track down spare supplies and equipment used by Gato. When you encountered two civilians and Miku here. An artificial human who associated with the Sage Of Six Paths."

"Right!" chirped Miku.

"Hatsune-san, if you don't mind, I have some interrogators who would very much like to get your full story down after you've had a chance to rest," said the Hokage. "There are not many details of that time that survived the Warring Clans period, and I'm sure your first-hand experience can fill in some of those gaps."

"No problem!" agreed Miku enthusiastically.

"When you stopped by the temple on the way back to Konoha, the priest was still there but there was no further contact with this self-described 'elder being'?" asked the Hokage, really wanting to hear that something that could alter reality was NOT where just anyone could drop by for a quick chat.

"No, but this was," said Kakashi, putting down an envelope.

Seeing his own name on the envelope and deciding that he didn't want the team here for this, the Hokage nodded. "On your way out, pick up form 277-B. Fill that out and on my secretary's desk tomorrow morning at the latest. Team 7 dismissed."

* * *

"What the hell is this?" asked Naruto as they sat on the park bench.

"Form 277-B," said Miku before going back to sticking her tongue out and trying to fill out the form with a leek-shaped pen.

"Well, I know that," protested Naruto.

"Form 277-B - Contact with S-Rank Individuals, Non-Shinobi," said Sakura. "Box 15. Checking off 'nonhuman' 'nonstandard abilities' and 'claiming to be a god' there."

"I've heard it said that there is a form for EVERYTHING," said Rin. "This bears it out. At least you don't have to fill out a 797-D."

"Which one's that?" asked Sakura.

"There's a form specifically for people who have returned to active service from the dead," said Rin. "I didn't even know it was possible."

"Actually, no. Normally not," said Kakashi, who was much more used to filling out forms. Or, in his case, not filling them out. "Whenever there's a new or different situation - someone comes up with a new set of paperwork to deal with it."

"Well, I'm scratching this out because I don't know anything about a specific jutsu," said Rin.

"It's kinjutsu, and for good reason," said Kakashi.

"Yeah, if it was easy - everyone would use it," said Naruto. "And there'd be zombies everywhere."

"Surprisingly insightful," said Kakashi.

"Not a zombie," said Rin.

"Also not a zombie," said Miku.

There was brief silence before Sakura spoke up. "Kakashi-sensei. Are you saying there IS a jutsu for making zombies?"

"Kinjutsu are kinjutsu. You shouldn't talk about them," said Kakashi. He lowered his book for a moment, looking thoughtful. "Though I suppose if someone ever used one, knowing how to defeat it might actually be handy."

The three genin, the chunin, and the vocaloid all glanced at each other with the same thought. _He just admitted there IS._

"Well, how would you BEAT a jutsu like that?" asked Naruto. "Theoretically since we can't talk about kinjutsu."

"Yeah, theoretically," agreed Sakura.

"Just as a mental exercise," said Rin.

"Kill it with fire? Cremation?" asked Sasuke.

"How do you beat an unbeatable opponent?" replied Kakashi, going back to his book.

"You cheat," answered Naruto.

"You figure out what makes them unbeatable, then find a way to negate that advantage," tried Sakura.

"Which is basically - you cheat," said Kakashi, giving the point to Naruto.

"Hmmm," said Sasuke thoughtfully.

* * *

"Ramen?" asked Miku.

"I've seen you eat on the way back," said Naruto.

"I don't eat much," said Miku.

"So, Naruto, who's your friend?" asked Ayame, ready to take orders but someone friendly with Naruto was something notable in itself.

"Oh, I'm sorry," said Miku, standing up and then bowing, causing her long green-blue hair to flip. "I am Miku Hatsune, a vocaloid."

"A 'vocaloid'?" asked Ayame.

"She's a singer," said Naruto, this simplifying things to the point where he readily understood it.

"Oh?" asked Ayame.

"I've recharged enough," decided Miku. "Hatake-san said I couldn't sing on a mission. But we're not on a mission right now!" A headset and microphone extended out. Music began to play without an apparent source. Lights flashed.

"The visions dancing in my mind,  
The early dawn, the shades of time,  
Twilight crawling through my window pane.  
Am I awake or do I dream?  
The strangest pictures that I've seen,  
Night is day and twilight's gone away."

"Is this some kind of genjutsu?" asked Teuchi to Naruto as the girl danced and sung some song they'd never heard before.

"I don't think so, but maybe?" asked Naruto. He shrugged and turned his attention to the bowl of ramen. He had priorities after all.

"With your head held high and your scarlet lies,  
You came down to me from the open skies,  
It's either real or it's a dream,  
There's nothing that is in between!"

Some people who HAD been passing by slowed. Some stopped. Miku sang.

* * *

"Well?" said Anko. "You gonna let me at her?"

Ibiki Morino gave a flat look to Anko.

"What?" asked Anko.

"First, she's completely cooperative." Ibiki set a thick clipboard down in front of her. "Every detail we could think to ask her. She either doesn't know because it was outside her interests or she's giving everything she can access."

"You make her sound like a machine," noted Anko.

"She is. Even the parts that look perfectly human are synthetic tissues," said Ibiki. "So poisons and drugs are out. She's not a ninja. She's a civilian."

"A civilian machine?" asked Anko, looking at the pictures. "Are you sure I can't interrogate it? Just a bit?"

"Why do you want to interrogate her anyway? It. Whatever." Ibiki frowned. "She has human body language and voice inflections. She has all the regular 'tells' but those are likely just emulation programs. I think."

"So, what does she 'not remember' that I can try prodding her on?" asked Anko.

Ibiki looked at his subordinate for a few moments.

"Aw, c'mon, she looks like the sort who'll squeal nicely," tried Anko.

* * *

Tenten watched, patiently. She'd asked for this demonstration and understood the boy before her was a year younger and inexperienced. She also knew that helping him might not be in her own best interests as the Chunin Exams were coming up and she might be in competition with the kid at some point.

On the other hand, she really wanted to see this.

Naruto held out his hand again, visualizing.

The Glitter Boy armor itself had only a single weapon - the Boom Gun. However, that was not the only thing present when he'd Seen it with his Weapon Master ability. While the Glitter Boy itself was armor and weapon and various systems, there was an emergency survival kit inside it for the pilot to use.

It was a part of THAT that he was trying to isolate and manifest.

Because part of that Weapon Master ability was knowing something of the history of the weapon, he knew that the last pilot was Trisk Strongarm - a hero who fought against an Evil Empire and against monsters of a more inhuman variety. He knew that Trisk was a scavenger, always looking for anything to add to his arsenal or further develop his skills. It was an insanely dangerous world that the pilot inhabited, so such measures were necessary.

Which was the source of one of the weapons, scavenged from a battlefield where an ally (some kind of psychic warrior type) had fallen.

Crystal there. Energy source there. Containment rings over here and projection tube like this.

_Fshhhhhhhhh! Shum!_

"That looks kinda like the Second Hokage's Lightning Blade," noted Tenten aloud. "Can I try it?"

_fwishhhhhh!_

Now deactivated, Naruto handed the lightsaber off to Tenten.

Tenten ignited the blade, noting the lack of weight to the bright beam, and went through a quick series of manuevers with it.

* * *

"You reduced a thousand-year old singing automaton to tears," said Ibiki. "Inside five minutes."

"Yeah. I didn't really expect her to be THAT easy to break," noted Anko. "Faints at the sight of blood. Who'd have thought?"

"Anko. I think you need a vacation," said Ibiki.

"Chunin Exams are coming up. I've already got most of the second exam prepped," pointed out Anko.

Ibiki shook his head. "Stick to traumatizing the genin from now on. Civilians are entirely too easy."

* * *

The Hokage was in charge of all ninja of his village, at least that was how it was supposed to work.

So he faced Ibiki and Anko several hours later because he was rather unhappy with the way things had developed. "So, you turned a cooperative source of information about the past and potential resources into a stuttering wreck who is absolutely terrified of you? Did you find some hint of duplicity or willful hiding of information?"

"No," allowed Ibiki with a certain degree of regret.

"I see," said the Hokage with a nod. "And has she been more forthcoming on any details since you decided to treat a cooperative civilian as a foreign operative?"

"Do you count blubbering, pleading for mercy, and fainting?" asked Anko, sounding hopeful.

"No, not really," said the Hokage, still sounding calm and pleasant. Not that either of the two interrogators were fooled by that.

"She professed to not having any information about a number of areas of interest, and some further questioning seemed indicated," said Anko.

"Ibiki?" asked the Hokage.

"Apparently genjutsu works on her, and she is sufficiently human in function that poisons and the like can work as well," said Ibiki. "She might have started out with a mild phobia regarding snakes as well."

"No longer 'minor' I take it?" asked the Hokage, smiling lightly and looking like a benevolent grandfather.

Ibiki knew EXACTLY what this meant. "Definitely not 'minor' at this point. Hokage-sama, I allowed further questioning. The fault is mine."

"Torture and Interrogation are part of the job description, and I understand that Mitarashi is still learning," said the Hokage. "You DO understand that 'restraint' doesn't always mean 'chain the prisoner down' - don't you Mitarashi?"

Anko twitched. "Yes, Hokage-sama."

"Ah," said the Hokage. He took a deep drag of his pipe, blew out a set of smoke rings, and then carefully laid his pipe on the table. "Well then."

_FWAMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!_

There was Killing Intent, and then there was THIS. The Hokage's presence was like a 10g gravity field filling the room and then some. He seemed to loom over Anko like a human would to an ant. Eyes glowing like crimson portals to the Chinese Hell Of Burning Knives. Writhing darkness that promised not to conceal her but devour her entirely. Despite all that, he never raised his voice though certain words did have a certain emphasis to them. "You will NOT do this again. You WILL continue to investigate where it is deemed APPROPRIATE and NECESSARY. When someone is open and cooperative - you will NOT seek to break them except as part of the standard Jonin training. You WILL use restraint in the future. Do I make myself PERFECTLY clear?"

Ibiki watched the birds dropping out of the sky and fluttering in death-throes on a nearby section of roof.

"Ye-yes, Hokage-sama!" agreed Anko.

The effect cut away immediately and the Hokage merely looked like an old man for a moment. "Anko. After the Chunin Exams, I am going to arrange for you to take an apprentice for a few months."

"WHAT?!" asked Anko, shocked at the apparent change of subject.

"You have been working in T &I too long, and have forgotten what it is like among the regular ninja. Some time away from torturing enemy ninja will do you some good. Keep an eye on the genin in the Exam, and if one catches your eye as a potential student we'll use them."

Ibiki remained after Anko had been dismissed, curious.

"As someone who has taken students before," said the Hokage, "one learns from them as well as they learn from you."

Ibiki considered that for a moment before leaving himself, looking thoughtful about it.

* * *

Obito stared.

That was Rin Nohara. Whom he had seen die.

It was Rin.

In an instant he was before her, and she immediately reacted just as Rin would have - taking a half-step back and flipping a kunai into her hand from the hidden pocket.

By that point she had looked up into the masked face and seen a single red eye in a kaleidoscope pattern.

"Who are you?" demanded Obito as he locked her into a genjutsu. Rin should have been able to fight free, but he WAS a lot stronger than he had been so maybe that was it.

"Rin Nohara, chunin of Konohagakure, registration number 010885," replied Rin.

He felt her will asserting itself and trying to break free from the technique. Still, he could maintain control briefly. "Rin Nohara died."

"I was brought back by Uzumaki Naruto." Rin fought the compulsion as best she could but was forced to answer. She counted it a small victory that she was able to deflect the answer a bit.

"'Brought back'? From the dead? You do not look like one resurrected through Edo Tensei." Obito wasn't sure HOW he felt about this.

"Not Edo Tensei," said Rin, the words sounding forced as she tried to shatter the genjutsu.

"There is another technique?" asked Obito. "How-"

"DYNAMIC ENTRY!"

Obito was glad he could set his intangibility to automatic, otherwise that kick might have taken his head off his shoulders. He'd have to leave - for now at least.

But if that WAS Rin.

"Oh, that's right! Tobi have other things to do than play with nice ninjas. Bye bye!"

* * *

"If I do an 'aria' it becomes a lot easier to make something," explained Naruto. "Tenten-chan was a big help! She was tellin' me about stuff she'd found out about Uzumaki Weapon Masters and apparently one of 'em used them all the time."

"'Tenten-chan'?" asked Sakura, hoping that this meant that Naruto was now interested in someone else and would STOP looking at her.

"She's with Maito Gai's team," said Naruto. "She's a weapon specialist. She's gonna be in the Chunin Exams too."

"So you got information about one of the teams we're competing against?" asked Sakura, raising an eyebrow. She glanced at Sasuke and saw him looking interested too. Intel was one of the more valued of the ninja's tools after all.

"So anyway," said Naruto. He muttered something under his breath a couple of times and formed a metal cylinder. Then he turned it on and a blade of light sprung out. He shut it down and handed it off to Sakura who handed it to Sasuke. "I got trouble keeping it going if you go too far away, but I can keep that running and fight with shadow clones or something. I can't seem to use other Weapon Master stuff if I'm trying to keep that going though too. Tenten-chan said it was like juggling kunai, I can only keep so many in the air before something gets stuck somewhere it shouldn't."

Sakura nodded. "That makes sense." Naruto couldn't multi-task that well from what she'd seen and tended to be an idiot - so yeah.

"And I was almost able to make the armor!" exclaimed Naruto. "Watch! Framework, capillary cooling system, exhaust ports, environmental containtment..."

Slowly something began forming around Naruto as he concentrated on what he was doing.

Sakura hadn't seen it before, and was taken aback a bit as the form loomed over her. Wavering and hazy but she could see it.

"...dermal armor, nanite reservoir, pulse reactor, main stabilizers, piton drills, infrared sensor pit..."

Naruto was completely concealed from view at this point and still the thing looked less than half-finished.

"...radar emitter and sensor, radio mast, audio sensors, heads-up-display..."

The ground abruptly caved in, and Naruto fell to the ground - ending his attempt at the technique.

Sakura blinked. The ground had collapsed because, just for a moment, the thing had been solid and real and apparently very heavy.

"Hn," indicated Sasuke. If Naruto continued to get better - then he would have to push himself more to stay ahead.

* * *

Konohamaru scoffed. "Yeah. I knew she couldn't be your girlfriend."

"Right," said Sakura, calming immediately.

"Well..." began Naruto, who then held his hands up defensively as Sakura began to go back to pissed.

"If you had a girlfriend, boss, she'd actually be cute," said Konohamaru, nodding at his own conclusion.

"Righ..." Sakura's voice trailed off.

"Konohamaru. Run," advised Naruto.

"AGH!" yelled Konohamaru as he saw the girl's face and realized what would happen if she caught him.

"DIE!" declared Sakura, launching herself after the little boy.

Miku blinked as a little boy ran past - followed by Naruto and Sakura. After a moment of consideration, and deciding Crazy Snake Lady would certainly explain the expressions on Naruto and the little boy - Miku screamed and ran after them.

Konohamaru slammed into someone's leg at full speed.

Temari almost went over at the unexpected blow. "HEY!"

"Little brat," said Kankuro, noting that there was a rugrat hanging onto Temari's leg and apparently trying to hide behind her.

"Whoa," said Naruto, managing to stop himself just in time.

"Huh?" asked Sakura, stopping herself before she could run into Naruto as she hadn't even been going full out.

"EEP! DON'T STOP!" yelled Miku before plowing into Sakura who plowed into Naruto who slammed into Kankuro.

Temari looked down at the pile and summed it up. "Graceful."

"Would everyone just get OFF!" yelled Kankuro.

Miku was the last to get up, and groaned. "Owie."

"What's wrong with you? Are you that pathetic a ninja?" asked Kankuro, glaring at Miku.

"Actually, she's not a ninja," said Sakura.

"Right!" Miku bowed. "I'm a vocaloid. Very sorry for this."

"Well maybe I ought to..." Kankuro blinked. He'd planned to connect a few chakra strings and make her kneel on the ground. When he connected though - he noticed. "You're a puppet?"

"Vocaloid," corrected Miku, a port on her arm opening and popping out a microphone. "Miku Hatsune! Singer, dancer, and the occasional comedy skit!"

"She's a puppet?" asked Temari, staring at the section of arm that apparently had a secret compartment.

"Vocaloid," repeated Miku, sounding a little bit perturbed.

Kankuro forgot about his anger, walking all the way around the girl with the really long aqua-colored hair. "Good craftsmanship."

"Thank you!" said Miku, taking that as a compliment.

"So, I take it you guys are here for the Chunin Exams?" guessed Naruto. "Huh. That's a weapon?"

"Gee, what clued you in. What..." began Temari before noticing that the blonde kid now had a copy of her fan in his hands. "WHAT?!"

"I see," said Naruto, hefting the thing before letting it dissolve. "Is the kid in the tree one of your team?"

"Kid in the -?" asked Temari, deciding to file the weapon-copying thing for later analysis. She glanced into the tree, saw a pissed-off-looking Gaara and absolutely did NOT have to fake being panicked. "Ga-Gaara."

"We've lingered long enough. Don't test my patience," said Gaara, dissolving into sand which swirled around and appeared in front of Temari.

"Well, if you're lost or looking for something," said Naruto, making a quick set of hand signals to Sakura. "You're in luck! I know the streets around here like the back of my hand. Just let me know where you're going and I'll get you there right away."

"Uhm, sure," said Temari, who figured that the kunoichi was going to go report while the blonde kid kept an eye on them. At least they were marginally professional. "The Silverwood."

"Oh, I know them." Naruto nodded. "Right this way."

"You got lucky kid," said Kankuro to Konohamaru. "I'd have killed you for looking up Temari's skirt."

"Huh?" asked Konohamaru.

Temari twitched before turning to follow the blond kid. "Kankuro. I'm wearing shorts."

"Are you sure?" asked Kankuro.

"Kankuro. Shut up. You're an embarassment." Gaara held up a hand and sand began to flow around him.

"Wait up!" Kankuro indicated to his sister and their guide. He glanced back at Miku once before continuing on.

"What just happened?" asked Miku.

"I have no idea," said Sakura.

* * *


	15. Woundhealer variant

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> using the Toltiir's Temple, shifting things with seeing how different it would be if i went with swords like Shiro Emiya from Fate/Stay Night. Naturally, that thought brought up the Sword Saga by Saberhagen...

 

 

 

**Another Fistful Of Omake**

by Greylle

DISCLAIMER: Naruto from Kishimoto. One section written by Sapphire Cat. Swords are from Saberhagen's series. Rest is my fault.

Omake 33: Woundhealer's Other Story  
Expanded scenes to setup for Chunin Exams, added 9/11/15

Another link off of the "Mysterious Temple" origin, on the way to Wave. i've used it in the Blue Lantern and Gaming The System omake, but thought of this direction to go in that was a little different.

* * *

"Rin?!" asked Kakashi before dropping to the floor.

"Uhm, what just happened?" asked Rin Nohara.

"Kakashi-sensei wished that 'Rin and Obito' were alive," said Naruto. "I take it you're 'Rin'?"

"Yeah, Rin Nohara. Medic. Konohagakure."

"Naruto Uzumaki, proud genin of Konohagakure on his first C-Rank Mission! Are they all this weird?"

"No," said Rin, checking herself. "I was dead, Kakashi fainted, and I have absolutely no idea what's going on."

"Oh, you get used to not knowing what's going on," said Naruto. "Kakashi keeps us in the dark about a lot of things. Including what's under his mask."

"Uzumaki? Any relationship to Kushina Uzumaki?" asked Rin.

"Never heard of her, I'm just waiting for these weapons I'm supposed to see," said Naruto. "Apparently they're- gkkkk!"

"I'm sorry, but apparently I've been dead awhile, and I'm not really familiar with that term. Is that slang?" asked Rin before getting a good look at the boy. Who'd apparently fallen over and was twitching. There was also the fading image of a sword, but it was the collapsed boy she at least knew what to do about. "Oh. Good thing I'm a medic."

* * *

He saw it, and thus came to Know it. He saw it, and through it - its brethren though these were mere glimpses and not sufficient to Know them as he did the single blade.

Crafted by a god of the forge, Vulcan, though there was something "off" about this god and his origin. Something that Naruto could not quite put together. Made of meteoric steel, hammered on a forge of star-stuff and quenched in blood and life and death.

A bright double-edged blade a meter in length, a mere centimeter thick at its thickest - and near-molecular at the edge. A simple black hilt with crossbar. Mottled steel that seemed to have a pattern that extended deeper than the sword itself was. The basic material construction though - that was just the easiest part of it to copy.

On that hilt, a white hand was depicted - stark against the otherwise matte black material.

The sheath, of white wood bound with brass, did not contact the edge at all - instead there were grips built in that would shift the thin double wedge-shape towards the center and hold it there.

It was the sword's Power that was overwhelming to Naruto. This sword would cut no living flesh. It would instead heal those in contact with the blade.

There were other abilities of the Sword Of Love, but that was the main. Wounds, whether of flesh or not, were healed. Against the undead it was a powerful item of destruction - likewise it was useful as a weapon against the inanimate. Against living opponents though, it was not a weapon at all.

* * *

"It's similar to something I saw with some of the Uchiha," said Rin.

"Hnn?" asked Sasuke.

"They'd activate their Sharingan in the middle of a major battle and become overwhelmed by the amount of information hitting them," explained Rin.

"That only happened to those who hadn't gotten a lot of experience with their Sharingan," stated Kakashi. "Though admittedly, that  did happen a few times in the war. That or the Sharingan user started getting cocky."

" _Whose flesh the Sword of Mercy hurts has drawn no breath,_  
Whose soul its heals has wandered in the night,  
Has paid the summing of all debts in death,  
Has turned to see returning light."

Naruto slowly rose to a seated position. "Owie."

"What was that you just said?" asked Sakura. "If it was a poem, it wasn't a very good one."

* * *

In N-dimensional space, a certain god of mischief watched a certain timeline peter out without producing anything of interest.

Disappointment, after a few universes met heat death you sort of got used to not every scheme panning out, even if the only thing you were after was amusement.

"Hmm, not enough," Toltiir noted, just after Naruto had died for the umpteenth time without ever really calling the Sword of Mercy fully into being. Once against Zabuza when he'd manifested a nonmagical version of the Sword of Love instead of the clever gambit of having a clone of himself thrown as a windmill shuriken to distract the bad guy and free Kakashi. Then, if he caused that not to happen, most of the time the boy's trainers completely ignored the possibility of manifesting Woundhealer.

You can't miss what you've never known. So even when he had someone train him to use his Weapon Master gift, they mostly focused on what they knew: more kunai.

It was depressingly un-fun and un-funny, so Toltiir rewound that particular timeline from watching is many branches end, mostly in deaths to Akatsuki, but one particularly gory one had Sasuke force an imprisoned Naruto to act as a gladiator, using his gift for copying the skills of a wielder with their weapons as a sort of training dummy for the Sharingan user, copying the skills of ancient and revered masters by getting Naruto to duplicate their weapons.

Well, that was disappointing. Especially since Woundhealer would have been a bit of a game-changer if the kid ever got to the point where he could've pulled it out. Considering the possible psychological effects on just about any of the major ninja, or anyone else with traumas/phobias/mental problems in the timeline, Woundhealer, intelligently applied, was probably the most powerful sword given the circumstances.

But it wasn't any fun if they wouldn't use it.

Perhaps just a bit more meddling.

* * *

"What was what I just said?" asked Naruto, before locking up in information overload as he Saw and came to Know another sword crafted by a god of the forge, made of meteoric steel, hammered on a forge of star-stuff and quenched in blood and life and death.

The sword's basic material construction was the same, only differing in a single marking, that of a wedge driving into a block engraved in white on its hilt. The comprehension of that sword's Power was once more overwhelming to Naruto, as he Knew and Understood that sword Stonecutter was highly specialized, able to carve any stone of whatever thickness or density as easily as soft butter.

Unwittingly, he blurted out:

 _"The Sword of Siege struck a hammer's blow_  
With a crash, and a smash, and a tumbled wall.  
Stonecutter laid a castle low  
With a groan, and a roar, and a tower's fall".

"Still not a very good poem," Sakura shook her head, missing entirely the fading outline of a sword in the air above her.

Kakashi though, he noted it and frowned thoughtfully as he pondered the meaning.

* * *

"Hmm," Toltiir considered. One part of his mind toying with the possibility of upgrading Sakura's bloodline to sort of a Midas Touch, so that anything her flesh contacted would turn pink, the same color as her hair. Or maybe a bloodline/kekkei genkai where she could turn into a pink panther or something.

The point of introducing Stonecutter was not so much for the sake of the Sword of Siege, though it did have possibilities, especially against Gaara - not that Naruto needed help against him, as he usually befriended him anyway. No, its uses against earth jutsu aside, Stonecutter just wasn't very interesting in this environment, the point was to get Naruto to copy another sword in hopes of improving his ability to comprehend Woundhealer from having Seen another very much like it.

This would mean less training required to bring out either one, and hopefully some ninja would be more interested in the possibilities if presented with more options.

It did not pan out that way, however. Results from that timeline were almost no different that the first minor tweaking.

It didn't even work out as well as that neighboring timeline where he'd gotten the ability and developed that "Railgun No Jutsu" of his. Dang. That looked handy. Oh well.

"Okay, ninja want their pointy bits." Toltiir idly turned a few laws inside out in a Full Metal Panic universe so that Love really did conquer all. 

"So, one more sword," the elder god concluded, about to lose interest in this little project that so far had failed to be amusing. "One of the combat ones, so hopefully he'll use it this time."

"Dragonslicer? Could be amusing to make it only combat Sharingan users instead. Powerful against certain key enemies, yet funny to watch him fighting to restrain it from carving up his teammates. No, on second thought they'd never let him learn to manifest it once they'd heard of that disadvantage.

"Farslayer could be a trump card. Ability to manifest it, only for it to fade away after a hit, takes away its worst weakness. However it's too good, and would either turn out boring, or he'd get mind-controlled into being someone's assassination toy. Besides, half the higher level enemies can take a sword through the heart and be only slightly slowed down.

"Mindsword? The village would make him Hokage the instant he manifested it, and while the image of an orange-dressed, ramen-obsessed village of ninja is amusing, every enemy ninja who drew near the place would be sucked in to join the collective," and that got dull fast. Hmmm. Though maybe later. With a twist or two.

"Townsaver?" Toltiir almost selected this one at once, as it fit the kid's ambition so perfectly the drive for him to wield it would almost certainly bring it, and by extension Woundhealer, into play fairly quickly. When drawn in defense of unarmed people in a fixed position it was not an overstatement to say that Townsaver could singlehandedly defeat an entire army.

However, the Sword of Fury made survival of its wielder no priority at all, and drawing it was almost certainly a fatal decision as it could and would use the wielder's body to deflect and absorb attacks if that would result in the protection of the people it was trying to defend.

Could be done if dual-wielded along with Woundhealer. But that was asking a lot of the lad when he had yet to successfully manifest any sword in any variation of this timeline thus far.

Actually, given that the worst restriction Naruto faced was manifesting any sword at all, and holding it for even a few seconds at full, untarnished power would be at the limit of the kid's skill for years, it made sense to grant him one of the ones that would ordinarily be overpowered.

"Doomgiver it is," the elder god chuckled, then settled in to watch with a bowl of popcorn shaped like tiny chicken heads. "And a freebie activation the first time or two he is in danger."

* * *

"Are you alright?" Kakashi asked laconically after the boy's second fit, although carefully noting inside the lines about this 'sword of siege'.

Anything that threatened castles, or tumbled walls, was of interest to a jonin of a village who used such a defense.

"Eh?" Naruto sat up even more slowly this time, rubbing his head. He glanced up at his sensei before freezing again, locked up as he Saw and Comprehended another sword's Power.

Kakashi glanced up, noted the sword, and sighed. Sasuke frowned as he saw the fading outline and wondered what it meant.

_"The Sword of Justice balances the pans_  
Of right and wrong, and foul and fair.  
Eye for an eye, Doomgiver scans  
The fate of all folk everywhere".

The team was silent for a moment.

"Is that it? Or are you going to have another seizure now?" Kakashi spoke indifferently as he apparently read his book, carefully making notes on a piece of paper to send back to the village.

"Still not a good poem," Sakura objected over her folded arms. "I think you should give up trying, as you'll never be as good as Sasuke." The sudden image of Sasuke reciting poems to her locked up the kunoichi's mind as strongly as comprehending the true and complete nature of a Sword of Power had done to Naruto.

Sasuke shivered involuntarily in response.

"Just kill me now," Naruto groaned, lying on his sick bed, covering his eyes so he didn't have to See any more swords suddenly imprinted over the inside of the shrine.

Rin was running hands covered in green medical chakra over his head. "Well, he burst a few blood vessels, but he'll be alright. You may want a medic along to take care of him over the next few days, however."

Satisfied Naruto wasn't going to lock up on another overload any time soon, Kakashi leaned back against a wall and resumed reading. "Any hints about what that last one meant?"

"Doomgiver," Naruto recited almost involuntarily, his impression of the nature of that sword rebounding within him so powerfully it was almost as though the words echoed out through his vocal chords. That it didn't quite sound like normal Naruto, and in fact sounded a bit like Morgan Freeman, just brought further attention to him when he spoke. "It turns any attack directed toward it or its wielder back to the source."

Kakashi's gaze suddenly sharpened to what would almost be a frightening intensity had anyone noticed. Instead he slouched to his feet and began walking towards the entrance, first summoning a ninja dog to take his note on what happened back to Konoha, then out into the sun. "Come along. The mission won't wait all day."

* * *

There was another solution, and once it had come to him Toltiir manifested a shadow clone version of himself just so he could double facepalm.

* * *

"So that explains the Five Great Shinobi Nations," concluded Kakashi.

"But what about Uzushiogakure? That was once fairly powerful," said Tazuna.

"Uzushiogakure? I've never heard of it," said Sakura.

"Then why does the Konoha flak jacket have a spiral in it?" asked Tazuna. "I know Konoha betrayed their allies of so many years..."

"No no, nothing like that," hastened Kakashi. "There were other things going on at the time and we weren't able to come to Uzushio's aid. That's all."

"Right," said Tazuna. "I remember some of it. I was pretty young back then, but it was all big news at the time."

"It doesn't matter," said Kakashi.

"If Uzushio hadn't fallen, Gato wouldn't be..." grumbled Tazuna.

"Kakashi-sensei?" asked Naruto. "There are Five Great Shinobi Nations, right?"

"Yes, Naruto. I just got through explaining that," said Kakashi.

"So does that mean there are Lesser Shinobi Nations? Or a lot of nations like Tazuna-san's that don't have ninja at all?" asked Naruto.

"Well, yes, some nations have even given up their lesser villages due to the expenses," admitted Kakashi. "Land Of Snow has only a few elite ninja and no major training programs or hidden village. Whereas the Land Of Hot Springs disbanded its hidden village because it is cheaper to just hire ninja from another country rather than pay the upkeep on an entire ninja village."

"That must be a very different lifestyle," mused Naruto as they walked along. At least they walked along a bit before they realized that Sakura had come to a complete stop.

"That," said Sakura, pointing at Naruto. "THAT CAN'T BE NARUTO!"

"Eh?" asked Naruto, pretty sure that he WAS Naruto.

"Why can't it be Naruto?" asked Rin.

"Because that wasn't a dumb question! He must be an imposter!"

Sasuke absolutely did NOT snort, then look away as he tried to throttle the impulse to laugh. It must have been some allergic reaction of some sort.

Naruto's gaze and voice went completely flat. "Oh. Hah de hah. That is so funny."

Rin heard that absolutely flat delivery and had to look away herself, rather than snicker.

"Sixpath Sage, Sakura. What I ever do to you?" asked Naruto, trudging along the path as Sakura started catching up.

"Do you really want the list?" asked Sakura.

"I don't..." Naruto stopped speaking, staring at the puddle ahead of them.

"Just keep going," said Kakashi.

"Uhm, sure?" asked Naruto, really uncertain and giving the puddle a wide berth as he passed it.

Sakura saw the opportunity for more teasing and decided to kick some water at Naruto. She didn't catch the suddenly alarmed look from Kakashi.

The moment the water erupted, Kakashi was ready and had kunai drawn and heading for the disturbance.

Naruto dodged the weapons coming at him as if he knew where they were going to be before they'd even been thrown.

Sasuke gaped but would recover after one second. Tazuna cringed and was collapsing into a ball of terror.

Then Kakashi had smashed the two chunin's heads together with enough force that it was quite likely one or both of them would now suffer permanent brain injury.

Unfortunately, that left pieces of Sakura scattered about the road.

"Hang on, I've got this," said Naruto, holding out his hand.

"Got WHAT?! She's-" Sasuke was having a VERY unpleasant flashback.

"Whose flesh the Sword of Mercy hurts,  
has drawn no breath."

Like a ghostly reflection, the outline of a sword formed in Naruto's hands.

"Whose soul it heals,  
has wandered in the night."  
More solid, colors fading into place on the translucent blade.

"Has paid the summing of all debts in death,  
has turned to see returning light."

The sword was completely solid now. A straight-bladed sword of mottled blue metal that somehow seemed more real than its surroundings.

Naruto continued to concentrate, mumbling the odd poem twice more under his breath.

"Uhm," said Tazuna.

Naruto began placing the hacked apart limbs together with Sakura and then carefully stabbed her with the sword.

"Ah!" said Sakura, her torso spasming.

"What are you doing you..." Sasuke started out angry but then stopped and stared at what was happening. "What are you doing?"

"The sword heals those stabbed with it?" asked Rin, then noted that whatever Naruto was doing was taking all his concentration. "I'll assist."

Kakashi stared himself for a few moments, pulling up his Sharingan-cover for a better look, then putting it back so that he didn't exhaust himself.

"Kakashi-sensei?" asked Sasuke, having noted the expression of concentration on both Rin and Naruto's faces. "What just happened?"

Kakashi put a hand down on the ground. A puff of smoke later and there was a small dog there.

"Yo," said the dog. "Kakashi. Long time."

"Pakkun. I already dispatched one of your brothers to Konoha, this is a supplemental report," said Kakashi. "Attacked by two chunin-level missing-nin. Likely the Demon Brothers from Kiri. Will interrogate later. Further info on Naruto's new weapon summoning abilities. The 'Sword Of Mercy' can heal wounds and reattach limbs that have been severed. Guessing from the poem used to summon it, it may be capable of resurrecting the dead or slaying zombies. Uncertain of which."

"'Zombies'?" asked Sasuke.

"Okay, got it. Is that Rin Nohara?" asked Pakkun.

"Yes," said Kakashi, not indicating whether he was answering Pakkun or Sasuke. "Also related to Naruto's unlocking of the Weapon Master jutsu, he is apparently able to detect weapons even when they are hidden by the use of ninja techniques."

"Really?" asked Sasuke, thinking that sounded REALLY handy. After all, how many ninja went around without any weapons at all?

"Got it. I'm off. You want I should just dispel once I get there?" asked Pakkun.

"Yeah. No spending time getting acquainted with any of the Inuzuka hounds."

"Like I would spend time with THOSE snobs," said Pakkun. "They always cheat at cards too."

* * *

Hiruzen Sarutobi listened to the report, read the note, then listened to a second dog with the followup report.

After that he merely grew very thoughtful.

"Kakashi just wanted us to dispel once we got this out of the way," Pakkun told Bisuke.

"Aw, dang. That's no fun," said Bisuke.

"No. No fun this time out. That was an interesting sword though," said Pakkun.

"Oh?" asked the Hokage, glancing at the ninken. "What was interesting about the sword?"

"It smelled powerful," said Pakkun. "But kinda nice. Like long naps on cool grass in the spring."

"Oh, that IS nice," admitted Bisuke.

* * *

"Oh. What happened?" asked Sakura as she sat up. "Why are my clothes ripped? Why is Naruto asleep? I swear, he's so useless... why are you looking at me like that?"

Sasuke shook his head. "You wouldn't believe me if I told you."

Kakashi made an uncertain noise. "How long before Naruto's ready to move?"

Rin answered. "That took a fair chunk of chakra. He's an Uzumaki though. Give him an hour and he'll be able to move."

"I see," said Kakashi. "Just enough time for a little interrogation practice. Sasuke, you're with me. This might prove to be very educational."

Sasuke had noticed one of the missing-nin was beginning to move a bit, so he nodded as he had an idea of what was coming.

* * *

"So, Naruto."

"Hmmm?" asked the stumbling Naruto.

Kakashi considered his student for a moment. "What does Woundhealer do exactly?"

Rin was about to answer but caught Kakashi's gesture and closed her mouth.

"Woundhealer heals wounds. Wounds of the body, of the mind, of the spirit."

Kakashi cocked his head slightly. That odd tone in Naruto's voice was the same as when he'd answered about 'Doomgiver' which was kind of reinforcing his earlier hunch. "And 'Stonecutter'?"

"Earth and stone part like air before Stonecutter's blade," mumbled Naruto.

"Kakash-" Sakura's own question stopped at a repeat of that request for silence directed at her.

"Any other swords out there?" asked Kakashi.

"Twelve swords of power, forged by the gods in a game, taken back by the gods when the swords proved too powerful," came a voice from Naruto but that didn't quite fit Naruto. "Twelve swords..."

At which point Naruto tripped and fell on his face.

"Mah, too much to hope for," admitted Kakashi.

"His conscious mind is getting in the way of the information he gathered with his weapon mastery," speculated Rin.

"Something that has happened with Sharingan users as well during wartime," said Kakashi.

"I don't get it," admitted Sakura.

"Sakura, how do you walk?" asked Kakashi.

"I just walk, you know - one foot in front of the other," stated Sakura.

"Ah, but in order to walk you have to shift your balance at just the right time, you have to move your legs correctly in the right rhythym. You also move a lot of other muscles and maintain balance at the same time," said Kakashi.

Sakura started thinking about all that and stumbled slightly on a rock that crumbled underfoot.

"Just as you're doing right now, your brain is telling your heart to beat, your lungs to breathe, kidneys to operate," said Rin, glancing at Kakashi to see if she were following the same concept. "So these swords are sufficiently complicated and powerful he's having trouble grasping all of them at the same time. Just like if you had to personally think your way through all the things you do automatically, you wouldn't be able to concentrate on anything else."

"Or maybe I'm completely wrong," said Kakashi. "During the war, there were a few cases of Uchiha who tried to learn a jutsu through their Sharingan that was above their ability to actually manage. It caused them a few problems."

"And Naruto learned three," concluded Sakura. "Woundhealer, Stonecutter, and - what was the other one?"

"Doomgiver," unexpectedly answered Sasuke.

"I like the name of that one," admitted Kakashi.

"So, Tazuna, when were you going to tell us about this not being at all what you were hiring us for?" asked Rin.

"Wha?" asked Tazuna.

"Oh, you figured it out?" asked Kakashi. "Yes, the Demon Brothers were after the bridge builder here."

"Errr, that is," said Tazuna.

"So, if that's the case, there may be other ninja enemies?" asked Sakura, stopping in the road. "Why are we going forward then?"

"Because the bridgebuilder here is going to cut Konohagakure a percentage of proceeds from his bridge when it opens, so that we're reimbursed for a B-Rank mission?" asked Rin, smiling sweetly at Tazuna while fingering a kunai.

"Errr, yes, I suppose," said Tazuna.

"Plus we need to get stronger, and the only way to do that is to go forward," suggested Sasuke.

"There's some of that too," admitted Kakashi. "Mainly though, it's because of what happened back there. Sakura. You know that you were functionally dead."

"Uhm," fidgeted Sakura, glancing at the unconscious Naruto.

"The blood loss, the severed limbs?" prompted Sasuke.

"Ah, yeah," admitted Sakura.

"You're alive. You were apparently not so dead that Naruto's sword couldn't bring you back," pointed out Rin.

"If you're asking me to be nice to him, I don't know if I can do that. He's been an annoyance and obstacle for so long."

"Stop," said Sasuke, his face losing all pleasantness. "I am NOT yours. I do not belong to Ino, or Mari, or Ami, or anyone else. I am not even going to THINK about such things until after I've had my revenge. Do you understand me?"

"Y-yes," squeaked Sakura.

"Hnn?" asked Sasuke, glancing at Kakashi.

"You did the dramatic shadowy thing pretty well," admitted Kakashi. "Even threw in some intensity in the atmosphere. Well done."

"Hnn," hnned Sasuke with a shrug. Inwardly though, he was pleased as Dramatic Presentation WAS something the Uchiha had excelled at.

"Sasuke, if you'd get the other side?" asked Rin, hefting up Naruto.

* * *

"Oh, that's... WHAT?!"

"A little less loud, Naruto," chided Kakashi gently.

"About time you woke up," noted Sakura. "Honestly. If it was up to me we'd have just left you."

"Is it just me, or is she being even nastier to him since he brought her back from being either dead or a quadruple amputee?" asked Rin.

"No, it's not just you," said Kakashi. "Overcompensation?"

"Hnnn," indicated Sasuke.

"No it's not!" protested Sakura. She opened her mouth again, ready to list off any number of problems she had with Naruto.

"Kubikiribocho, two-handed sword with the special ability to drink in the iron in blood and multiply it so that it can rebuild itself," said Naruto abruptly, looking in another direction.

"Duck!" responded Kakashi.

A sword went speeding past them to bury itself halfway into a tree. Someone landed on it a moment later.

"A mama duck and four baby ducks," said that person, looking down on the team.

"Zabuza Momochi, the Demon of the Hidden Mist," said Kakashi. "Though frankly, half the Hidden Mist ninja have 'demon' or something like that in their titles don't they?"

"Common naming convention, it's part of our unique rustic charm," said Zabuza. "Ahem. Kakashi Hatake. I've read your bingo book entry. I'm looking forward to this battle."

"The Sword of Justice balances the pans," whispered Naruto, holding out one hand.

"You killed a graduating class of Kiri's Academy so you could graduate early," said Kakashi. "Your lust for bloody battle is well known."

"Of right and wrong," continued Naruto.

"Nice to be recognized for one's talents," admitted Zabuza.

"Of course, half of them would have died anyway as that was the method of graduation - you had to kill the person you'd been partnered with throughout the Academy." Kakashi motioned to his genin to stay behind him.

"-and foul and fair," continued Naruto.

"It was a pretty lousy system, don't you think?" argued Zabuza. "Only way to stop it was to demonstrate how ridiculous it was."

"Eye for an eye," incanted Naruto, a ghostly sword seeming to draw itself into his grasp.

"Well, it did stop after that," admitted Kakashi.

"Doomgiver scans," continued Naruto.

"What IS that genin doing over there?" asked Zabuza, curious because swords WERE pretty much his focus in the ninja arts.

"The fate of all folk everywhere," finished Naruto as the ghost-sword seemed to solidify.

"I'm rather curious myself," admitted Kakashi.

Zabuza considered the way the boy was apparently repeating some poetry under his breath, and the way the others all seemed to be anticipating something. The jonin was hard to read, as expected. Also as expected the genin and bridge builder were very easy to read. The blonde with the sword he apparently was talking to was preoccupied with something.

The other two genin were waiting for something to happen, and the bridge builder was trying to hide directly behind the genin with the sword.

Easy choice of action.

Zabuza formed six water clones and sent them to occupy the jonin, meanwhile he did a rapid-step technique to suddenly appear in front of the genin and slash. He'd go through the genin AND the bridge-builder in one shot.

* * *

Kakashi got a good look at it happening.

The blade came out, extremely fast, Naruto manifesting that sword apparently registering as a threat. Zabuza moved to remove that threat, spamming water clones at Kakashi to give the swordsman that second to attack Naruto.

Someone else, without a Sharingan going, would only have seen a blur as the attack went out.

Kakashi DID have his Sharingan uncovered. He saw the details.

Kubikiribocho sliced through the sword, through Naruto, through the bridge builder - neatly bisecting them. And doing absolutely no damage as if the sword itself had turned to mist.

Instead, the same wound that would have killed Naruto and the bridgebuilder appeared on Zabuza's body. Nearly cutting the larger man in two. The spray of arterial blood was copious.

There was a moment of silence, with Naruto going to one knee with an effort as he tried to keep the sword manifested.

Needles shot out of the wood, senbon. They reached Naruto and vanished.

Naruto abruptly collapsed, but with his Sharingan going - Kakashi could tell that the senbon vanished BEFORE Naruto collapsed. In fact, there was a sharp cry of pain off to the side.

* * *

"It's the chakra drain again," said Rin. "It looks as though - the Sword he's manifesting draws additional chakra from him to perform its special function. In the case of Doombringer - he has to pay the chakra cost of the technique he's redirecting."

"So - ANY attack on Doombringer is turned against the attacker?" asked Sasuke.

"From what we've seen so far, yes, as long as he has the chakra to do it," said Rin. "That's my guess based on what I've seen so far at least."

"Could he do that sword and then hand it off to me?" asked Sasuke, knowing EXACTLY how he would use such a thing.

"I doubt it," said Rin. "Maybe though. In the meantime, what do we do about our prisoner?"

"He's a missing-nin associate of Zabuza who attacked Naruto when he thought Naruto had killed Zabuza," said Kakashi. "Standard operation would be to interrogate him for further information, then kill him."

"On the other hand, his senbon were made of ice," said Rin. "The Hyouton would be of value to Konoha if we could bring it back."

"Yeah, and if the attack is reflected - Zabuza died because he was trying to kill Naruto," mused Kakashi. "That the ninja in question was put into a coma speaks of something else."

"I can't believe the DOBE has something so useful," complained Sasuke. "For years I've wanted the power to avenge my clan, and now the VILLAGE IDIOT has that power?!"

"Did it ever occur to you that Naruto might actually help you out if you asked him to?" asked Kakashi.

Sasuke considered the question for a moment before answering. "No."

"Well, maybe it should," put in Kakashi. "Though that would be way in the future before anything like that could happen."

"Well, at least he has the potential to perhaps eventually someday become less useless," admitted Sasuke.

"I can help too, Sasuke!" indicated Sakura.

Sasuke stared at Sakura for a moment before apparently deciding it was all too much for him. He turned around and went off to find some area where he could be alone and get a proper brooding going.

* * *

"So, Kakashi," said the Hokage. "You brought back a boy with the Ice bloodline. Plus the sealed body of a missing-nin and one of the Seven Swords of the Mist."

"Right," said Kakashi.

"Naruto's awakened the Uzumaki Weaponmaster bloodline, and can manifest three exceptional swords?" asked the Hokage.

"Right. Woundhealer can repair injuries to living tissue. Stonecutter is also descriptive - Naruto was able to manifest the blade and help the bridgebuilder with some of the stonework in the bridge. Very useful for fitting stone. Doombringer takes any attack and reflects it back upon the attacker."

The Hokage had had time to get used to the idea but wanted it clarified. "ANY attack."

"Intent appears to have an effect on it," said Kakashi. "An attempt to kill Naruto, killed Zabuza Momochi. An attempt to take Naruto out of a fight, left the Hyoton boy Haku paralyzed. Also befriended on the way back to Konoha. When Gato attempted to attack with a mercenary force, well, it wasn't pretty. And finally, an attempt by Sakura to hit Naruto on the head while he had Doombringer out-"

"Is she an idiot?" interrupted the Hokage.

"No, she's just so used to doing it that she didn't consider the consequences until afterwards," noted Kakashi.

"I see. So what was the result of that?" asked the Hokage.

"Apparently she wanted to chastise Naruto for not being sufficiently polite to Sasuke," said Kakashi with a sigh. "Apparently the sword can do things a bit more subtle than Naruto would be normally capable of."

The Hokage blinked.

"Ever hear of the phrase 'beating herself up over it'?" asked Kakashi. "She did. Literally. Naruto had to dismiss Doombringer and stick Woundhealer into her to get her to stop."

"Oh?" asked the Hokage.

"However, it turned out that there were... side-effects," said Kakashi. "She quit going on a diet. Stated she wasn't going to pester Sasuke Uchiha for dates anymore since all he ever did was turn her down. Also stated that she was going to take her studies as a kunoichi much more seriously because she didn't want to be a drag on her team."

The Hokage blinked as he considered this.

* * *

"Hokage-sama! You requested my presence?"

"Ah, Mitarashi. Good. I wonder if you're up for an experiment. This is strictly volunteer, mind you, but I was wondering if you would help genin Uzumaki test something with a new jutsu of his."

* * *

Sasuke had avoided any injuries so far. Eventually though, he thought it likely that Naruto would have to use Woundhealer on him.

Kakashi had asked, during the battle at the bridge, what the effect of Woundhealer's touch on someone with a bloodline ability would do.

They'd had a prisoner to test it on. An injured prisoner at that. IF it worked as Kakashi had thought, and IF the boy had been the one to make those ice-senbon, then they'd have a fully healed enemy in their midst.

Yeah, that hadn't happened.

So they'd taken the senbon out of the boy, tied him up, and brought him back to the village as a prisoner.

Somehow, without Naruto using any technique that he could see, the prisoner had become fairly friendly to Naruto during the trip back. Friendly to the person responsible for his Master's death. Yeah, that didn't make any sense to Sasuke either.

So, they had to find out what would happen BEFORE Naruto used Woundhealer on him. They were in a dangerous business. It was most likely inevitable that he'd get injured badly at some point. Unless Sakura became a medic-nin, they didn't have a lot of choices in that regard.

As it was, Sakura was off trying to find a genjutsu specialist.

Frankly, he thought the plan to learn the medic-nin stuff from that Rin Nohara was a better one.

Sasuke glanced down at the application for the chunin exam. There was no doubt in his mind that he'd take it. He was a little less certain about his team. Naruto would have leapt at the chance, but received a warning from Kakashi that he MIGHT be forbidden from summoning any of those three swords during the tests just to keep them completely secret.

Just that there was an Uzumaki Weapon Master was enough of a secret ready to cause a mess.

Well, it wasn't his problem. If Naruto COULD use those techniques - they required him to go through that chant to pull out one of those special swords. Which meant that someone had to give Naruto that time.

Which meant that his skills were needed before anything else could happen.

* * *

Naruto held out his hand, concentrating.

"Iron is my core,  
With blood restore,  
Headtaker, limb-raker,  
Executioner's blade,  
Widowmaker."

"Still not right," commented Rin as the ghostly image of a sword faded out again.

"I can form the sword, but if I figure out the right poem for it, it's a freaking LOT easier," complained Naruto. "It feels like I almost had it this time."

"Probably at least one of the titles then," mused Rin aloud, glancing to the side of the training ground as she felt presences arrive.

"Yosh! This is where the medic is?" asked a boy wearing a green bodysuit.

"That would be me," noted Rin.

A much older man wearing a similar green bodysuit nodded. "I recognize you. You look surprisingly well, Rin Nohara."

"Maito Gai," responded Rin, nodding. "I see you have a genin team of your own now."

"Yes, it's been a little over a year," said Gai.

"Cestus and sixteen shuriken," said Naruto, looking at Lee. He turned his attention to Gai. "Nunchaku. Nine kunai, twelve shuriken, two fist loads, and an axe-spear in a scroll." The pale-eyed Hyuga. "Seven kunai, twenty four shuriken."

Everyone paused while Naruto stared at the kunoichi for a moment before he gave a low whistle.

"What?" asked Tenten, wondering if this guy had x-ray eyes or something. She'd pound him if that was the case.

"Half that stuff you'd have to unseal from your scrolls just so I could see clear enough to know what to call it," complained Naruto. "And what's with that ridiculously huge iron spiked ball?"

Tenten blinked, then visibly caught on. "You're the Uzumaki Weapon Master!"

"Before we get completely side-tracked here," said Maito Gai, pulling out a scroll. "I have a mission here where we could use the services of a medic-nin. The Hokage was suggesting you specifically for this mission."

Rin caught the scroll and quickly looked it over. "I see. And frankly, yes, I could use the funds to re-establish myself. Especially as I don't even have a place to live anymore. Meet tomorrow here?"

"Precisely," said Gai, giving a "thumb's up" pose.

"Oh," said Naruto, realizing this meant he was going to have to work some things out on his own.

"So, run into any special weapons?" asked Tenten of the Weapon Master.

"Four so far," admitted Naruto.

Neji made a scoffing noise.

Naruto held out a hand.

"The Sword of Siege struck a hammer's blow  
With a crash, and a smash, and a tumbled wall.  
Stonecutter laid a castle low  
With a groan, and a roar, and a tower's fall."

Neji frowned, made a hand-sign, and activated his Byakugan. Then gasped.

"What is it?" asked Tenten, curious.

"It's not an illusion," said Neji, deactivating his Byakugan and then rubbing his eyes. "Blindingly bright."

"Why Stonecutter?" asked Rin.

"Well," said Naruto, dismissing Stonecutter and forming Kubikiribocho. "This one's a bit of a strain."

"Did - did you just 'squee'?" Neji asked Tenten.

"Of course not," scoffed Tenten. "Though that looks like one of the Seven Swords from the Bloody Mist."

"It is. I got a good look at it on the last mission," said Naruto. "I think Kakashi-sensei turned it in, so the Hokage's got it."

"He might be able to get the original, what would you give for it?" asked Rin.

"Huh?" asked Naruto, his conjured sword fading out as he lost concentration.

"Doubtful," offered Gai, watching this and apparently amused.

"We'll discuss this on the mission," promised Tenten.

* * *

"You got a mission for me, Jiji?!" cheerfully announced Naruto as he entered the office.

"You've got some serious ability now, Naruto, you should be a bit more serious when addressing the Hokage," said Kakashi from the side.

"Naruto, you can manifest the sword 'Woundhealer'?" asked the Hokage.

"Yeah, someone sick?" asked Naruto. There were a few people here he didn't know after all. Some gal in a trenchcoat and not much else, some guy with a lotta scars, some other old guy.

"This is Ibiki Morino, head of Torture and Interrogation," began the Hokage, indicating the scarred guy.

"I absolutely know NOTHING about how that guy ended up with a bucket of pink paint on his head. Absolutely wasn't me."

"Naruto..."

"And I have no idea where that stinkbomb came from, because I get run away from there if I come ANYWHERE close to that place - so it could absolutely NOT be me."

"Naruto. Stop. That isn't why you're here," said the Hokage.

"No?" asked Naruto.

"As I was saying, this is Anko Mitarashi," said the Hokage. "I'd like to see how Woundhealer deals with a little problem of hers."

"We can always get back to the paint and stinkbomb later," said Ibiki, putting his best 'scary professional face' in place.

"No hurry!" quickly said Naruto.

"Then, if you would," said the Hokage.

"You sure about this?" asked Ibiki, though it was obvious he was directing the question towards the woman.

"Worth a try," said Anko with a shrug, taking her trenchcoat off as soon as she'd completed the gesture.

Naruto held one hand out, speaking the aria. The sword slowly faded in as he spoke, gaining solidity and presence as he completed it and repeated it twice.

"Whose flesh the Sword of Mercy hurts has drawn no breath,  
Whose soul its heals has wandered in the night,  
Has paid the summing of all debts in death,  
Has turned to see returning light."

"So what ya gotta do with-" began Anko before the sword seemed to twist of its own accord in the kid's hands. Slowly it came to rest directly over the curse-seal on her neck. "Okay, now what?"

The sword pierced the mark.

* * *

One moment,Orochimaru was walking down the corridor of an underground base, idly going over notes from the vivisection of a kunoichi with a moderately useful bloodline.

Then he was on the ground, screaming as a sword seemed to burn its way out of his flesh at the juncture of neck and shoulder.

Then it was gone, and he was lefting panting from reaction of the sudden attack.

The strangest thing though had been that it hadn't actually hurt. It simply left a slight burning sensation.

He spent the rest of the night checking the wards and alarms and traps though, trying to figure out who or what had just done that to him.

* * *

Anko had gone to her knees, gasping at the sensations.

"Oh. Whatever that did, that took a lot outta me, Jiji," said Naruto, the sword gone and now leaning on the Hokage's desk.

"Anko?" asked the Hokage, his voice gentle. "Anko. Your seal is gone."

"More. More than that," said Anko. "I feel... clean. Like I've been covered in filth for so long I'd gotten used to it. And now..."

The Hokage nodded, then turned his attention to Ibiki. "Keep an eye on her. I'll want both of you to prepare reports at the end of the next day while we evaluate this."

* * *

"Uzumaki Weapon Master? Unfamiliar with it," said Yoroi Akado. "Doesn't matter. I'll just drain him dry."

"That requires physical contact," pointed out Kabuto Yakushi. "Pay attention - he's on the same team as Sasuke and you may have to deal with him."

Misumi Tsurugi made a dismissive gesture. "So he uses a weapon. Can't be good at it, he's only been a genin for six months or so."

"Ah, but that depends on how close he is to the last Uzumaki Weapon Master's ability," said Kabuto. "Zoro Uzumaki, the Whirlwind Blade. He could not only copy any weapon he fully saw - he could copy the skill of the wielder. He was also known for combining styles and skills to cover the weaknesses in each."

"So, kinda like a Sharingan except it involves weapon skills only," said Misumi. "That's a little more useful but still not much."

"Whereas if he's like his ancestor Erza the Scarlet, well, there's no indication he's that competent," admitted Kabuto. "It's a rare gift. If he sees a weapon, even legendary weapons with special abilities - he can copy it. As long as he has chakra or is conscious - a Weapon Master is never unarmed. It might be interesting to see what would happen if he met up with samurai from the Land Of Iron in fact."

"So, he's a secondary target," noted Misumi. "Boss'll want tissue samples at least. That's two of their team, what about the third?"

"Pathetic and useless," said Kabuto. "Of no consequence except as a possible means of manipulating the others."

"Hostage value, eh?" asked Misumi. He nodded. "Both me and Yoroi are best when going hand-to-hand. Have to get past the reach of a weapon before we can put our own skills to use."

"Hence this little update," said Kabuto, closing the medical file. "If we know everything our targets can do, and they know nothing of our talents - victory is much easier to pull off."

* * *

"So that's a successful solo mission, Kakashi-sensei?" asked Naruto.

"Yes, I think you're right," said Kakashi. "So, you've Seen three swords of twelve?"

"Huh? Four if you count that missing-nin's," said Naruto, pausing in the slurping of noodles to consider that. "But if you mean the Swords - yeah. Three of... How'd you know that?"

"Something you mentioned awhile back," said Kakashi. "Your Weapon Master gift. You see the history of a weapon, so if there are others made at the same time - it makes sense that you know something about them."

"Yeah. Twelve Swords Of Power," said Naruto, closing his eyes. His forehead creased as he tried to focus on that detail. "Twelve. Forged by the god Vulcan, god of manufacture or something. He used tools of great power too. A hammer that multiplies force. Some pincer-thing that can hold fire or really hot stuff without burning. Twelve Swords, reflections of gods and their power - used in some game. But he made 'em TOO well, the swords were too strong, and the gods tried to take 'em back."

"What about these other swords, what could they do?" asked Kakashi, sounding casual.

"Don't know, I can kinda picture 'em, but all I know is the names. I never actually Saw any of 'em," confessed Naruto, his forehead creasing a bit more as he concentrated.

"What are these other swords' names?" asked Kakashi. "Might be clues."

"Sightblinder," said Naruto immediately. "I can almost make that one out."

Kakashi made an interested noise. Actually sounded fairly useful in their line of work with a name like that.

"Coinspinner," said Naruto after a moment. "Dragonslicer. Farslayer. Mindsword. Shieldbreaker. Soulcutter. Townsaver. Wayfinder."

"No idea about them other than the name, eh?" asked Kakashi.

"Sightblinder is the Sword Of Stealth," said Naruto. "I can almost see it. Next clearest is Wayfinder."

"So," said Kakashi. "Just judging from the names. Sightblinder - a sword which turns you invisible. Wayfinder - a sword which allows you to find lost things. Shieldbreaker - a sword which can cut through barriers. Coinspinner - no clue on that one. Dragonslicer - since dragons are myths, that would probably be pretty useless. Soulcutter - I'm guessing a sword that does no physical damage but can kill targets by cutting the connection between the physical and spiritual. Or it could just mess up someone's chakra. Townsaver sounds useful, perhaps it allows you to detect enemy ninja. Farslayer sounds pretty straightforward, cutting targets at a distance. Mindsword sounds fairly useful too - there are times where you want to capture an enemy ninja rather than kill them. If the sword has a genjutsu effect, that's something you're very bad at."

"Huh, somehow I think some of those are a little off somehow," said Naruto after a bit.

"Mah, it's an idea," said Kakashi.

"Oh, Kakashi-sensei, I heard that Rin-chan is gonna be off on a mission," said Naruto.

"I already know. They'll just be gone a few days while doing some work with another team," said Kakashi. "Bandits hit a village, pretty hard from what I heard. One team is going after the bandits, the other team protects the town."

"Cool, she was saying she needed money," said Naruto around a mouthful of noodles.

Sakura seemed to want to say something, but went silent.

Sasuke sniffed.

* * *

added 9/11/15:

Naruto hefted the wooden practice sword.

"You've got a lot of growing to do before you're ready for a blade that big," said the proprietor of the weapon shop.

Naruto shrugged. "I need to learn more about swords. And other weapons."

"Oh?" asked the guy behind the counter. "You don't really seem the type. What's this?"

Naruto turned to look at the weapon the guy held up. "Kodachi. 50sem blade in the style of a tachi. Good quality."

The guy nodded. "And this."

"Full sized tachi. 70sem blade. Has a flaw in the metal near the tip."

"WHAT?! HOW DARE YOU MALIGN -" The proprietor looked at the blade with a squint. "Huh. Well, that's why it was in the Bargain Bin."

"You made all these?" asked Naruto, looking at the bin.

"Most of 'em. Gotta keep in practice," said the proprietor. "Wait. What is this?"

"Oh. Land of Snow manufacture. Jiro Three-Fingers. Chokutoh. 75sem. Odd metal."

"Chakra metal," said the proprietor, nodding to himself as he reached a conclusion. "You're the Weapon Master."

"What. Everybody knows about that?" asked Naruto. "Then why did Kakashi-sensei tell me to keep quiet about it?"

"Don't know. My daughter was going on about it." The weaponsmith considered what little he knew about the bloodline. "Huh. So why would someone who can duplicate any weapon need to buy a weapon?"

"Well, if I don't concentrate or keep feeding it chakra - the weapon vanishes," said Naruto. "Though I can't afford a good quality one yet. What I'm looking for is a PRACTICE weapon. Something about the right size and shape I can work with that I can get better at."

"So, something like this maybe," said the weaponsmith, bringing out a worn wooden chokuto. "This is weighted."

Naruto looked the weapon over before taking it and stepping back. He made a few trial swings with it. "This is old. It's been used a lot too. Lots of hands have held this."

"Yeah," said the weaponsmith. "It's been reinforced and repaired a few times. Came into my possession when I was a kid."

"How much?" asked Naruto.

* * *

"You BOUGHT a sword," said Sasuke.

"Yeah," said Naruto.

"YOU bought a sword," said Sakura.

"Yeah, again," said Naruto.

"WHY?" asked Sakura.

"Because this is a practice blade that lots of people have used over the years, including one of the previous Uzumaki," said Naruto. "When I'm using that Weapon Master stuff I can kinda feel what was done with it."

"That's still pretty lame," offered Sakura.

"Hm," indicated Sasuke, who was thinking that if the thing gave him a feeling of connection to his now-vanished clan that it wasn't all that hard to understand.

Naruto sighed. "Watch."

Sakura and Sasuke watched as Naruto went through what looked clumsy but were definitely some sort of set series of moves. Sword-kata in other words.

"The previous Uzumaki holding this blade was named Zoro Uzumaki," said Naruto.

"'Zoro'?" asked Sakura. "That's a dumb name."

* * *

Konohamaru pulled a weapon off the peg on the wall. Boss had a weapon. Grandpa had a weapon. Therefore HE had to have a weapon. "Unf."

"Meteor Hammer," provided the weaponsmith. "Three kilo weight on each head, three feet of chain. Devastating and versatile weapon in the hands of someone skilled with it. Not suggested as a beginning weapon."

"I can do it!" declared Konohamaru before trying it out.

_Whip-tangle-trip-fall_.

"And that's why it's not suggested as a beginning weapon," said the weaponsmith, sitting back as Udon and Moegi tried to untangle Konohamaru. "Maybe a staff would be better."

"Grandpa uses a staff, but I want to stand on my own," declared Konohamaru.

"Right now, you can't stand at all," pointed out the weaponsmith.

Konohamaru glared at the smith before he was able to untangle himself and put the weapon back on its peg. He looked around and then gave an "aha" as he pounced on his next choice.

"Dragon-headed cane, used with escrima-style fighting," said the weaponsmith. "The shaft is hardwood. Head, cap, and the bands are all made of blued steel. A better choice for a beginner, though the thing's nearly as tall as you are."

"It looks badass," noted Udon as Konohamaru posed with it.

The weaponsmith shrugged. "Badass sells. It's probably outside of your price range though. There are seals in the bandwork to channel fire-natured chakra."

"Konohamaru, you're sparkling," said Moegi, a little concerned. Still, she was a ninja-in-training and understood the attraction to a particularly pretty weapon.

"How much?" asked Konohamaru.

That it was outside his price range was a disappointment.

"How about this then?" asked the smith, going to the wall and pulling another one down. "One tenth the price and it is something you can practice with in the meantime. The wood is blackthorn, which is fairly light but a decently strong hardwood. Won't stop a chakra-enhanced sword strike, but it can hold up against regular use."

"No, I'll hold out for THAT," said Konohamaru reluctantly.

* * *

"Well, better get back to the base," said Zetsu. "Nothing to see here."

"Why are you so anxious?" asked Obito/Madara/Tobi.

"Did you see that medic-nin?" asked one of the peasants.

"That 'Nohara' girl? Yeah, she's really damn good. Fixed Old Man Shinkawa's arm in nothing flat," said another of the peasants.

Tobi stopped. Slowly he turned. Inch by inch. Step by step.

"Eh?" asked one of the farmers as there was suddenly a guy with an orange mask a few feet away.

"Tobi was just wondering. Did you say 'Nohara'?" asked Tobi.

"Yeah 'Rin Nohara'," said one of the farmers. "Medic-nin out of Konoha. She was with some team of weirdoes. Two of them had weird bowl haircuts and eyebrows like caterpillars or something."

"Oh, Tobi is looking for a good medic!" said Tobi/Obito/Madara, fully in his role as Tobi, even if he was twitching a lot behind his mask. "Where is this 'Nohara'?"

"Her team was just passing through," said the other farmer. "They stopped for supplies. You know, she said something weird."

"What?" asked the first farmer.

"She said that 'prices really went up a lot while she was dead'," said the second farmer.

"You're right, that IS weird," said the first farmer. "But hey - she was cute!"

"Really cute," agreed the second farmer.

"I'd want to study HER anatomy," said the first.

"DIE!" said Tobi. Of course, because he WAS an S-Rank ninja, two farmers didn't actually stand a chance.

"Uhm," said Zetsu after the carnage was done.

"I want to see this," said Tobi, having dropped the clown persona. "Someone's probably just using her name as a cover. I'll have to demonstrate why that's a bad idea."

"No no no. That's a bad idea. You're Madara, remember?" said Zetsu.

"There won't be any survivors to identify me," said Tobi, beginning his teleport.

* * *

"Iruka-sensei!" said Naruto. "Ne ne. I'm looking for someone who can teach me kenjutsu!"

"Kenjutsu?" asked Iruka Umino. "You're a little young for that. Normally you have to have more of your full growth before you get into weapon studies like that."

"Well, I can do the basics," said Naruto, suddenly holding a ninjato. He let that go and it dissolved into the air. Then he was abruptly holding a no-dachi. "But I have to anchor my feet like I was tree-climbing if it's a big sword. But that ain't what I'm after."

Iruka Umino blinked. "So. It's true. You've unlocked the Weapon Master kekkei genkai."

"Yeah, yeah," said Naruto. "I think I gotta get better with it before I can do some of the other swords."

"What kind of swords are you looking for training with?" asked Iruka. "I know the basics of using a ninjato - but it isn't my specialty."

"Oh?" asked Naruto. "What weapon IS your specialty, Iruka-sensei?"

"Shuriken, kunai, and ninja wire mostly," admitted Iruka. Sword skills had been something he hadn't practiced nearly as much.

"Well, I need to get better at this, there's a Sword I can almost get. Maybe if I'm better with kenjutsu I can finish the poem," said Naruto.

"A particular sword?" asked Iruka, completely lost.

"Watch," said Naruto, concentrating and putting out a hand after letting the no-dachi dissolve.

"The Sword Of Stealth is given to  
one lonely and despised.  
Sightblinder's gifts: his eyes are keen  
his nature is disguised."

Iruka watched the sword image slowly form as Naruto spoke, only to waver and vanish like a soap bubble at the end.

"The more I do a particular Sword, the easier it comes to me," said Naruto. "I'm getting Woundhealer and Doomgiver pretty easy now."

Iruka blinked.

"Uhm. Those are supposed to be secret, I guess," said Naruto.

* * *

Tobi stared, shaking slightly. His Sharingan was active. This was not a henge. It was not an Edo Tensei. It was not a genjutsu.

Rin Nohara was there, dickering prices with a herb seller. Something that he'd remembered from when they'd shared a team. The medic-nin had "bargained like a fishwife" - whatever that phrase was supposed to mean.

He didn't want to believe it, but it WAS her. Or a clone maybe? If so, Orochimaru was going to get a little visit.

There was the temptation to just go out there, use his Sharingan to ensnare her will. Get answers that way.

No, he did need some answers though. The only question was how to get...

Oh. Yeah. He could do that.

* * *

"I nominate Team 7 for the Chunin Exams," said Kakashi, surprising a few people present.

Kurenai Yuhi glanced at him. "Is this to get your Weapon Master the chance to observe more weapons and combat techniques?"

"Not entirely," said Kakashi.

"'Weapon Master'?" asked one of the jonin.

The Hokage had gone to a facepalm. Now he merely lifted his head with a long-suffering expression. "Show of hands. How many of you have NOT heard of this recent development?"

Four jonin put their hands up.

The Hokage wondered whether he had four jonin who were out of touch, or simply way too much gossip in a ninja village. "Hands down. If Naruto told you, hands up."

Iruka Umino put his hand up.

"Well, that's something at least," said the Hokage, deciding to focus on Naruto actually managing to keep mostly quiet about something.

"Mah mah, that particular secret wasn't ever likely to hold anyway," said Kakashi.

"Moving on. Anyone else nominating their team?" asked the Hokage.

"Team 8 is ready," said Kurenai Yuhi.

"Team 10 is ready," said Asuma Sarutobi.

"Considering the fatality rate in the last four Chunin Exams, are you sure about this?" asked Iruka, somewhat mollified in what he now knew about Naruto's special skills.

"Ours is a violent business where we walk with death every day," pointed out Kurenai. "At least in the Chunin Exams when we're hosting it - the conditions are somewhat controlled."

* * *

"So. This year Team Gai, Team Kakashi, Team Kurenai, and Team Asuma are all participating."

The Hokage glanced at Iruka Umino, who was working Mission Desk and Support during one of the break periods of the Academy. "Concerned for your former students?"

"They ARE still kids. All of them. None of them are really prepared for how quickly things can turn bad in these tests," said Iruka.

"A happy childhood and a ninja career are not exactly compatible," pointed out the Hokage. "Though there's a chance that some of the injuries can be kept low."

"You mean 'Woundhealer'?" asked Iruka.

"I honestly don't think that Kakashi himself has a full grasp on how much that single summon can alter plans," said the Hokage. "I know and expect it will take Naruto a time to grasp how much that particular Sword can shift the tide of a battle."

Iruka Umino nodded. When Naruto had mentioned the two names, he'd asked about them. He hadn't thought Naruto the type to name weapons in his possession. "He almost got Sightblinder yesterday evening when I was working with him on sword stances."

"I strongly suspect that Naruto's new talent will be extraordinarily useful in the Exam, providing he passes the first test," said the Hokage.

* * *

"HOLD IT RIGHT THERE!" said three kids as they held up little wooden practice swords.

"Konohamaru? What's up?" asked Naruto. "Sorry I been a bit busy lately."

"Is that your - you know?" asked Konohamaru, holding up his pinky finger.

"NO!" indicated Sakura, wanting to get in a word edgewise before Naruto said something stupid. "He's on my team. That's ALL!"

"Mean," muttered Naruto sadly.

"Ah, well, I didn't think so," said Konohamaru.

Sakura nodded, satisfied that her relationship with Sasuke would not be undermined by any loose gossip.

"The Boss would get a girlfriend who was actually good-looking," said Konohamaru. "So, Boss, what about-"

"Konohamaru," interrupted Naruto. "Run."

Konohamaru took one look at the kunoichi whose eyes were now looking like openings to some hell-plane and took the advice. He ran.

* * *

Many things had changed. Some things did not.

Konohamaru ran. Sakura pursued. Konohamaru ran into the legs of some guy wearing all black. Kankuro got angry and threatened to hurt the little Academy student.

Some things went just a little different.

"Combat puppets?" asked Naruto, glancing at the bundle on the boy's back. "So that's..."

"What are you talking about?" practically growled Kankuro. "I'm gonna beat this kid till-"

"You ought to just put him down," said Naruto. "You three aren't from around here."

"What did our forehead protectors clue you in?" asked Kankuro.

"'Three'?" softly asked Temari, feeling the fine little hairs on the back of her neck lifting.

"Huh," said Naruto. "Well, how about you turn the Hokage's grandson loose before that ANBU over there gets involved?"

"What AN..." Kankuro paused as there was suddenly someone there on the rooftop. "Wait. 'Grandson'?"

"Kankuro, let the boy go," said Temari, having an inkling of just how much trouble they were skirting the edge of.

"Kankuro," hissed another voice, as Gaara used a sand-shunshin to stand behind his elder brother. "You're an embarassment."

"I was just kidding," said Kankuro, letting the boy down and smiling weakly as he backed away from the homicidal brother.

"Temari, Kankuro, we're going," said Gaara. He paused after a couple of steps. "You. What's your name?"

"Uhm, Sakura. Sakura Haruno." Sakura fidgeted at the idea of foreign nin flirting with her when her heart belonged to Sasuke.

"Not you. Him," corrected Gaara. Damn errant grain of sand got in his eye again.

"Naruto Uzumaki!" declared Naruto. "And you."

"Gaara of the Sand. Mother... wants to come out and meet you," said Gaara in a voice filled with menace.

"Oh sure. I'd like to meet your mother sometime too, dattebayo!" said Naruto, having absolutely no clue but trying to be polite as someone actually wanting to meet him. Maybe she was an Uzumaki or something - the guy had red hair after all. "We can have ramen!"

"You WANT to meet..." Temari shuddered as she followed her younger and psychopathic brother.

"Konoha nin are pretty strange," muttered Kankuro.

* * *

Temari slowed as they walked away from their little encounter.

"What?" asked Gaara, still irritated at the whole thing. Mother wanted to taste that one's blood.

"Blondie knew you were there, and that Kankuro had a puppet," said Temari, addressing Gaara but indicating Kankuro.

"So?" asked Kankuro.

"We were briefed on this," said Temari. "I think that was the Weapon Master."

"Wait. So that means he knows how Karasu works?" asked Kankuro. "Because I had it out during that."

"Yes, probably," said Temari, starting to walk again. "So he likely knows about my battlefan and the sealwork on it. He detected Gaara, but Gaara doesn't carry any weapons on him. So..."

Kankuro stopped. "Gaara IS a weapon."

"That's not it," said Temari. "A taijutsu specialist could be considered a weapon but the Uzumaki Weapon Master bloodline was documented and it doesn't work that way. It only works with actual weapons."

"Maybe his sand?" asked Kankuro, glancing back behind him. "Though I wouldn't think that would count either."

"We'll have to let Baki know," said Temari.

"If that kid could actually do all that - that's a pretty damn useful bloodline," said Kankuro.

"All the more reason to crush him," said Gaara.

* * *

"I've got another mission?" asked Rin Nohara. "This quickly?"

"Yes, the client is a businessman from Ame," said Iruka Umino, handing her the mission scroll. "Apparently one of those dealers in ancient artifacts and commodities."

"Black Market Relic Dealer," translated Rin. "Why me?"

"Superstitious person," said Iruka. He shrugged. "Not uncommon in that trade. He's willing to trade some odd items from the time of the Six-Path Sage for you to do a diagnostic on him and check for ancient curses."

"You mean like a fuuinjutsu curse-seal?" asked Rin. "A bit outside of my experience."

"Perhaps, but you more-or-less fit his description," said Iruka. "The interview will take place here in the village and there'll be ANBU nearby in case he's a plant trying to get close to you for some reason."

"He may be someone I interacted with years ago," said Rin. She shrugged. "As long as it's a paid mission."

* * *

"So, we ready?" asked Naruto, looking up at the building.

"Of course," indicated Sasuke.

"Y-yeah," said Sakura, sounding unsure of things. "Naruto? What's that sword?"

"Hmmm?" asked Naruto, reaching to touch the hilt of the sword in a back-sheath. "Sightblinder. I managed to summon it once and I'm just trying to keep it going now."

"What's it... " Sakura stopped. She saw Naruto touch the hilt and... why was that important anyway. Nothing to see here. Nothing out of the ordinary.

Sasuke made an interested noise as Naruto let go of the hilt and suddenly they could focus on him again. "That was... odd."

"Yeah," said Naruto. "It's kinda weird at my end too. Not sure what the rhyme on it means."

"What is it again?" asked Sakura.

"The Sword Of Stealth is given to  
one lowly and despised.  
Sightblinder's gifts: his eyes are keen,  
his nature is disguised." Naruto finished the aria and felt the sword resolidify a bit.

"Huh. Well, maybe you should dispel it before we go into the test," said Sakura.

"Hmph," said Sasuke, leading the way.

* * *

Naruto's eyes swept the crowd, logging the various things there as his Weapon Master skills went to work. They walked past the crowd, talked briefly to Kakashi at the doorway and then entered the test room.

"Something interesting?" asked Sakura when Naruto twitched.

"Combat umbrellas - three types," said Naruto softly. "Some spit out poisoned senbon, one's made of really tough and heavy materials, and the third is able to extend the shaft and put blades out at the spike. There's also some guy with a sound-based gauntlet - hidden mechanism to make sounds that are really high-pitched. And another guy with tubes and some machine inside his arms."

"Weird, but they're all weapons so I guess that's why you can find them," Sakura mused aloud. Still, intel was intel and information was really damn important in the shinobi world.

"Hn," indicated Sasuke with a nod, his eyes going over the various nin in the room.

"So you guys made it too? Looks like all the rookies are here," said Kiba.

"Hey you guys," said Naruto, still distracted by some of the odd weapons concealed here and there.

"Na-Naruto-kun," managed Hinata.

Kiba snorted when he noticed that Naruto was apparently looking at something in the crowd of older genin. "What's your deal, anyway?"

"It's just kinda weird that someone has a machine in both arms," said Naruto, frowning. "There's tubes in his palms and air goes in at the elbows."

"Interesting," said Shino. "So the rumors are true. You have the Uzumaki Weapon Master gift."

"It don't matter," said Kiba. "Still gonna kick your butt so hard you gonna be tasting my sandals."

"Leave your sex fantasies out of the conversation," commented Sakura with an expression of distaste.

"Huh?" asked Kiba, not immediately understanding. When he DID he began sputtering all sorts of barely coherent denials.

"Ewwww," commented Naruto, edging a bit further away from Kiba and finding that somehow Hinata had gotten behind him. He immediately got the short Hyuga in between him and her team-member. "You're my friend, Hinata. You'll protect me, right?"

Hinata turned bright red but managed to nod her head and not freak out about how close Naruto was.

"That's NOT what I meant," growled Kiba.

"Sasuke!" declared Ino, mid-leap and heading for Sasuke.

Sasuke vowed that he would practice Substitution more, because having Ino imitating an affectionate octopus on him was entirely too troublesome.

"This is so troublesome," sighed Shikamaru, not really being clear as to whether he was referring to the exam or Ino or simply the hassle involved in continued breathing.

"Ooooh, that puppy looks tasty," said Choji.

"You sure you want to go there?" asked Kiba, glad to have something to focus on he could rip apart. "You touch Akamaru and I'll tear your liver out and feed it to you."

"Nah, I don't like liver," said Choji.

"That's kinda missing the point," pointed out Kiba.

"You guys should be quiet," said a glasses-wearing older shinobi. "Don't you know where you are?"

"The Bourbon Street Barbeque?" asked Choji.

"Oh! There's that Gaara guy!" said Naruto. "Hey Gaara! Say 'hi' to your mom. I'll take you guys to Ichiraku's after the Exam, okay?"

Gaara turned to his sister. "I've never heard anyone anxious to meet Mother before."

"Just give me five minutes warning so I can run for high ground," answered Temari.

"Uhm. No, this isn't a happy friend meeting place," said Kabuto. "I'm Kabuto by the way, and this is the Chunin Exams. All of these genin here are blooded and experienced. They'll kill you if you give them half a chance."

"Well, not Gaara, his mom wants to meet me," said Naruto. "She musta heard how awesome I am!"

Kabuto looked frustrated for less than a second before he continued. "Anyway, seeing as how I've been in these Exams before - I thought I'd give you rookies some help."

"Oh?" asked Sakura. "You've taken the Exams before?"

"Yes, this is my seventh time," said Kabuto.

"Seven times? Wow. You must suck," summed up Kiba.

"Just unlucky, in the first two parts of the exam - you have to have your full team pass or all of you fail. That's a common point in all that I've been through at least," said Kabuto.

"So what kind of advice do you have?" asked Ino.

"Will you get OFF of me?" asked Sasuke.

"Nope," replied Ino before she found Sakura physically grappling her to pull her off of Sasuke.

"Well, for one thing," said Kabuto, sounding amused, "I'd advise taking things a bit more seriously."

"No kidding," complained Sasuke.

"In fact," said Kabuto, pulling a deck of cards out. "I have these ninja info cards."

"Ninja Info Cards?" asked Sakura. "What are they?"

"Guessing from the name," said Kiba drily. "Info on ninja written on cards."

"You are improving in your ability to snark," said Shino.

"I'm working on it," admitted Kiba.

"Well, yes, that's exactly what they are," admitted Kabuto. "I just channel my chakra in the right pattern and-"

"Huh. I'm also working on my fuuinjutsu," said Sakura. "That coding process looks handy."

"Well, yes," said Kabuto. "Is there anyone you want to see information on? I don't have that much information on Sound Village since they're fairly new and I don't have much experience with them, but I do have quite a bit on other participants."

"Yeah, how come the class clown is packing a sword now?" asked Kiba, jabbing one thumb towards Naruto.

"Oh?" asked Kabuto, pulling a card out. "The Uzumaki Weapon Master?"

At that point three Sound-nin attacked, bragging how Kabuto needed to add to his cards that Sound would dominate these exams.

Which was itself interrupted by Ibiki Morino arriving and telling everyone to get their numbers for seating.

* * *

Naruto sweated for the most part when the rules were given. When he fidgeted, he brought one hand to the hilt of Sightblinder.

He knew what the Sword did after all. It was part of this weird ability set to understand the weapon. With "his nature is disguised" - he could be just part of the background. It also had the "his eyes are keen" going for it though, and that was the part that was most useful at the moment.

Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed Hinata shifting her paper a bit.

"Naruto-kun, you can copy my test," whispered Hinata.

"Not necessary but thanks," whispered back Naruto. He wrote out a couple of quick answers from a test-taker two rows ahead of him, then just settled back. That should do it.

* * *

They listened to the proctor but had a slightly different attitude than most of the others.

"Your sword is missing," noted Sasuke.

"Couldn't keep Sightblinder going, I sneezed, but I got another idea," said Naruto.

"Something that'll help against a forest?" asked Sakura hopefully.

"Yeah," said Naruto. "I can do Rin-san's sword."

"Let's not change it from 'Forest Of Death' to 'Forest Of Fire'," replied Sakura. "Especially when we're IN that forest."

"Hn," agreed Sasuke.

"Well, I could try for Sightblinder again I suppose," said Naruto.

"Just summon Woundhealer if we get injured," said Sasuke. "Doomgiver if we get into a fight."

"I can do that," agreed Naruto. "You don't want me to try one of the others?"

"No," explained Sasuke. Naruto wasn't useless and had been less and less of an idiot lately, so he went ahead and explained his reasoning. "This test is life-or-death. Stick with things we know will work."

"So we need to figure out which team we can beat and has a Heaven Scroll," said Sakura.

"There goes Team 8," said Naruto. "Should we get together with them? If we don't have to fight them, we can outnumber enemy teams."

"An idea. But no. We know what we're capable of and can work together," said Sasuke. "We don't know Team 8 and couldn't work together easily."

"Oh, that makes sense," said Naruto.

"Besides, we might have different scrolls and that means we'd HAVE to fight," said Sakura.

"Oh." Naruto thought beating Kiba into the ground might be okay, but Shino was pretty quiet and Hinata HAD offered to let him cheat off of her. Well, it was a big forest. Odds are they wouldn't run into anyone they knew.

The gates opened. Team 7 moved.

* * *

"Hello, I'm Rin Nohara. You wanted my services specifically?"

"Ah, the spirits assure me you can do this," said the old woman.

"Obito?" asked Rin, frowning at the voice. "Why are you dressed like-"

"TSUKUYOMI!"

Obito frowned under his disguise. This hadn't been at all how he'd wanted to proceed, but now that it was done he had little choice. At least now he'd have his answers.

* * *

Naruto stopped in the process of leaping from one tree to another.

"Idiot," summed up Sakura as Naruto missed a branch and fell to a much lower branch.

Naruto straightened up as soon as the little squiggles in his vision (from impacting his head into a branch) stopped covering everything. "Kusanagi, the Serpent Sword. It's hard to see but it's close and getting closer."

Sakura paused a second to contemplate that bit of data. "That doesn't sound good."

"Estimated time of arrival?" asked Sasuke.

"It's stopping-" began Naruto before a sudden wind blasted through their area.

* * *

The script had been prepared in advance, and Orochimaru found no reason to move things.

He knocked the Academy's Dead Last away with the Great Breakthrough wind technique where a summoned snake would swallow the loser. Without the three-man team, Sasuke would be unable to advance any further in the Chunin Exam. Likewise, the kunoichi in the team was nothing special. A toy to be used and discarded. If this "Plan A" worked out, Sasuke Uchiha would end up in another team - one that would have an operative from Sound in deep cover to monitor and further lead the young Uchiha towards eventual recruitment.

Using kage-level Killing Intent saw both of them paralyzed. This was also as planned. It would be amusing if he could make the kunoichi kill herself specifically to escape the fear. Sasuke himself would likely be paralyzed due to this awakening his trauma from when his clan was slaughtered.

"The Sword of Justice balances the pans,  
"Of right and wrong,  
"-and foul and fair,  
"Eye for an eye,  
"Doomgiver scans,  
"The fate of all folk everywhere."


	16. Dragon Contractor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Splitting off from the Spiral Dragon concept, this was something i thought might play better. Until it didn't.

 

 

 

**Another Fistful Of Omake**

by Greylle

DISCLAIMER: Naruto from Kishimoto. One Disney character who doesn't get a lot of use. Rest is my fault.

Omake 34: Dragonriders of Konoha  
This one came about due to the Anime Addventure's branching storylines. While i eventually went with the Spiral Dragon concept until the Anime Addventure stopped functioning (i think due to repeated hackers/abusers hitting it and the mods having to delete the posts screwing up the numbering/scripting system) - this is what i have of the other major line branching from that point.

* * *

He'd fallen down a hole due to a golfball-retrieving mission, a D-Rank mission.

At the bottom of the hole he'd found a massive cavern.

In that cavern, he'd found a dragon. The conversation had meandered a bit, and he'd discovered that someone LIKED him. As in LIKED him.

He'd also heard that he could get three requests in, and the Dragon in question would try to grant them all in one go. In another universe, another path, he would have become a dragon himself as a reward.

That was then/there. This was here/now.

* * *

"Her own family?" asked Naruto, clutching one fist in order to righteously declare. "Well, I'll have to change their minds!"

" **To defend against the entire Hyuga clan would certainly require great power,** " mused the dragon. " **Either that or an absolute defense that would protect you from their sight. Hmmm. Is that your third wish?** "

"Eh?" asked Naruto, remembering the dragon's assessment of his skills earlier. But really, being weak compared to a dragon? He'd certainly heard enough about his lack of smarts from the Academy - and both Sakura and Sasuke would do that too.

Come to think of it, hadn't he heard ALL of those comments at one time or another?

If he got a wish, wasn't this the time to address that?

"Yeah, I wish I was strong enough to fight her entire clan if I had to, smart enough to figure out how to do what I got to do, and had chakra control better than Sakura! (See how SHE likes being Dead Last!) AND that I had some ninja skills that were downright awesome! Can you do that?"

" **Your wishes were heard. I'm now working out how to grant them,** " said the thoughtful-seeming dragon. " **The ability to escape this prison, a powerful kekkei genkai that Sasuke Uchiha or other Sharingan users cannot copy, and the means to defeat an entire elite clan of ninja. Interesting. For a mortal who hasn't lived to see thirteen summers, you intrigue me, child.** "

"Oh?" asked Naruto, peering into the darkness.

**Here.**

"What's here? I can't see anything you know."

**Granting all three wishes in a tidy package. Fare thee well, Naruto Uzumaki.**

"Huh?! Hey wait, I still can't see nothing!"

* * *

Kakashi Hatake looked down the hole. Pakkun looked down the hole.

"Yeah, he went down here," said Pakkun. "I ain't going down though."

Kakashi picked up a rock, held it over the hole, then listened. Then he fumbled in his belt, snapped a chemilight, then dropped THAT.

"I can tell you that goes down pretty damn far," offered Pakkun. "And smells of old musty reptile for some reason."

"Well, great, Naruto's dead," griped Kakashi as he saw the glowing chemical stick disappear in the distance. "On a golfball collecting mission. Now I've got to break the news to the rest of the team. Sasuke will be mad."

"Well, the loss of a team-mate is always hard," said Pakkun philosophically.

"No, it means we get a fail for the mission on his permanent record," said Kakashi.

Kakashi turned away from the hole to go see to those tasks, which meant he missed it when Naruto left his "grave." 

* * *

"Yo!" said the small red creature draped over Naruto's shoulder. "You must be the Ho-Kah-Gay. Pleased to meet you! Oh hey, Naruto - I see what you mean. Guy does look like he needs a little fun."

Hiruzen Sarutobi, the Third Hokage, blinked once and checked for genjutsu. None. Hmmm. "Naruto? Who is your... friend?"

"I? I am the mighty Mushu!" proclaimed the little red lizard-thing. "I am Naruto's tutor to bring him up to speed. I was also his first summons - ain't that a blast?"

"A summons?" asked the Hokage.

"Yeah, Jiji, I got the summoning contract for dragons!" declared Naruto, giving a wide grin and a thumb's up.

"Oh?" asked the Hokage.

"Yeah, yeah," said Mushu, nodding once. "Now listen. Since you're his boss, and the closest thing he's got to a grandfather, we're gonna lay down on you some of the smoking details."

The Hokage smiled at that. _Naruto considers me to be a sort of 'grandfather'? Well, well. And a summoning contract at his age._ "Go right ahead."

* * *

"...so that's it. Naruto's dead, and so that means we have a Fail on our mission record," said Kakashi.

Sakura twitched. Sure she'd wished that Naruto would die. She'd even said it to his face a few times. She hadn't MEANT it.

"I'm dead? Damn. I musta missed that," said a familiar blonde who'd managed to sneak up.

Kakashi paused and looked over Naruto and the odd red creature on one shoulder. "Oh. Nevermind then."

"Naruto!" said Sakura, moving forward to punch the boy for worrying her and making her feel guilty.

"Aw, doesn't this just give you the warm-and-fuzzies?" said the red creature, causing Sakura to stop.

"And that explains the smell of lizard," said Kakashi, looking at the creature.

"I ain't no lizard," said the creature. "I am a dragon. Dra-ah-gohn. Not a lizard. I don't do the tongue thing."

"You're a dragon?" asked Kakashi. "I expected bigger."

"I'm 'magical companion' sized," said Mushu with as much dignity as he could bring to bear. "If I were as big as a mountain, my food bills would be equally enormous. Besides, these villagers would be terrified just knowing the sorts of secrets I know."

"Uhm," said Kakashi, holding up a hand. "Village secrets."

"Hah," said the dragon, snapping his tail. "You think I don't know secrets? That I don't know how to keep secrets? Well, you are wrong. Though everyone knows Naruto is an Uzumaki - maybe they don't know he's of the main line. But among my duties as the sensei of the holder of the Summoning Contract for the Dragon Races - I , Mushu, have to disseminate that information and teach him of his heritage!"

"Main line? Uzumaki?" asked Sasuke, frowning at the dobe getting a powerup when HE was the one who needed it.

"Listen up, y'all," said Mushu. "Especially you, Naruto. You got a lot to live up to."

* * *

"What do ya mean, I gotta live up to a lot?" asked Naruto.

"You is an Uzumaki," said Mushu, hopping off Naruto's shoulder to make a few handsigns.

_KA-POOF!_ went a large rock, turning into an easel with a set of markers.

Kakashi looked very thoughtful, seeing this is a very darn useful technique. Next time he might have to have his Sharingan active to steal it.

"Okay," said Mushu, beginning to write things out by marking out the Uzumaki spiral-shape. "You done seen this on the vests of the higher-rank ninja, right? The spiral - symbol of friendship with the village of Uzushiogakure - the Village Hidden In The Whirlpool."

A few nods at that from the three genin.

"Uzushiogakure was a great friend and ally of Konohagakure," said Mushu, drawing the leaf-spiral symbol next to it. "In fact, there was an Uzumaki who married the Hokage of that time way back before y'all parents were born. Ties to the Senju Clan not just the once either. Now the Uzumaki clan were the leaders of Uzushiogakure. They were experts at fuuinjutsu and had really long lives for humans. Incredible, for humans at least, stamina. Sexual juggernauts... okay, you guys are a bit young to be hearin' that part. Also red hair, and I mean bright red hair, was pretty much common within the Uzumaki."

"So what happened to 'Uzushiogakure'? I haven't heard of it before now," asked Sakura.

"I am glad you asked," said Mushu, with a look that indicated he wasn't entirely pleased with the interruption. "It was their innate skill with fuuinjutsu - also known as Seal Techniques - that made them some enemies. Three other villages feared them so badly for those skills and the development of new techniques that they infiltrated and destroyed the village. Some people say it was envy over their sexual prowess, but that's not true. Well, mostly not true. Okay, it's true but only for individuals with issues there. Anyway. Survivors scattered. Big calamity."

"'New techniques'?" asked Kakashi, who hadn't heard that detail before.

"Yeah," said Mushu. "What do you think Summoning Contracts, Explosive Seals, and Animation Arrays are?"

"'Animation Arrays'?" asked Sakura.

"One of the things lost that they were working on," said Mushu. "Mist destroyed the research rather than take the chance it might be used against them later. Fuuinjutsu that would allow you to make brooms that would sweep floors on their own, or for a sword to wield itself against intruders. That kinda thing. Now if I can get back to the lesson?"

"Uhm, right," said Sakura.

"Good," said Mushu, perking back up and gesturing to some scribbles on his display. "So part of Naruto's training is to get his skills on that going. You've got a talent for it, and your use of Shadow Clones will make learning this stuff a lot simpler."

"How so?" asked Sakura.

"I'm glad you asked that  Naruto," said Mushu, eyeing the yawning boy.

"Wha?" asked Naruto, startling to full wakefulness again.

"When a shadow clone is dispelled, the memories from that clone revert back to the original," explained Mushu. "You just gotta get a bit better at it. Though I understand there's some trauma involved in using that technique."

"Well, yes," admitted Kakashi. "You get to experience dying a lot more times than is rather normal."

"Oh," said Sakura, flinching at that. Dying didn't sound fun at all.

"What are you talking about?" asked Naruto.

Mushu sighed. "I've got this feeling that this is gonna be a long-term assignment." He perked up again after momentarily drooping. "Better get started. Oh, and I'll also want to bring in someone for your taijutsu training. Gotta show you how to summon specific dragons."

"What style of taijutsu can a dragon teach?" asked Sasuke, thinking the anatomy was sufficiently different that it wouldn't work.

"Dragon Style, Double Dragon Style, Really Manly Dragon Style, okay I just made that last one up," admitted Mushu. "Though I think it sounds cool and someone ought to develop it. Sword, spear, staff, meteor hammer. Yup. Though I'm just an advisor. Y'all can get that 'be a man' song-and-dance from one of the more specialized teachers."

* * *

"WHY?!" asked Naruto. "I signed it. I just wanna train!"

"Fifteen," said Sasuke.

"Eh?" asked Naruto.

"You've complained about Kakashi-sensei wanting you to show us where you signed this contract," said Sakura. "Fifteen times now since we left that training area. I don't know, I sure don't see any holAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

Sasuke frowned, checked the local trees, then shrugged.

"Oh no!" exclaimed Naruto. "Sakura fell down the hole!"

"Now Sakura's dead?" asked Kakashi, facepalming dramatically. "More paperwork."

"Gee," said a voice from down in the hole. "Thanks a lot Kakashi-sensei! Your concern is noted. Now would someone PULL ME UP before my grip slips?!"

Naruto went down to the ground and then peered over the edge. "Sakura, you're alive!"

"Thank you, Captain Obvious."

"And apparently she's discovered sarcasm," noted Kakashi.

Naruto reached down the hole with one hand, anchoring himself as best he could with the other hand and his feet.

"Touching, ain't it?" said Mushu with a sniff. "Unable to comfort himself with the girl who actually likes him, Naruto risks everything in order to save the life of some girl who's flatter than a washboard and hates him."

"WHAT?!" screeched someone inside a hole.

"You're only twelve, girl, you is SUPPOSED to be flatter than a pizza that ain't got no toppings," consoled Mushu.

"WHAT?!" repeated someone inside the hole.

"Come on, Sakura, reach," said Naruto.

"There's a girl who likes Naruto?" Sasuke asked Kakashi, making it sound as if it was easier to believe in breakdancing cows.

Kakashi shrugged in reply.

"Your lizard called me flatter than a pizza!"

"What's a pizza?" asked Naruto.

"I... I don't know," admitted Sakura from her position in a deep hole.

"It's sort of a flatbread, with a layer of sauce and then cheese atop it, then various toppings are applied to round it out," said Mushu. "I could sure use one right now."

"What kind of toppings?" asked Kakashi.

"Well, if you're a TRADITIONALIST - then you gotta have pepperoni and onions and little peppers and stuff. Then there's my personal favorite - the Firehouse Pizza. Habanero peppers, cayenne, a little tabasco - ah. I am getting hungry just thinking about it."

"Hellooooo. In a hole. A really deep hole. Naruto, don't drool on me!"

"Wha-," said Naruto, sitting up. "That sounds good."

"Oh, and the black olives, can't forget those," said Mushu.

"Excuse me," said Sakura.

"-and before you ask, Naruto, yeah - I think I've seen pizza where they put fish flakes and stuff on top. I don't like that though, makes the whole thing taste fishy instead of a lot of different flavors blending together," said Mushu.

"I'd have to agree," said Kakashi.

"Awwwwwwww," said Naruto.

"Hnnnn."

"Yes, Sasuke, I have seen seaweed on them, usually on the ones with the fish flakes," said Mushu, ears back.

"You got all that from a 'hnnn'?" asked Naruto.

"Yeah, it's a variation of 'morning-speak' - Mulan started doing that for the first two hours after waking up once she had kids. So y'all better behave - cause the kami punish kids because once you have kids - they'll be just as bad as y'all were."

"Just pointing out, still hanging by my fingers over a bottomless precipe."

"Here you go, Sakura-chan," said Naruto, crouching back down and reaching down the hole. "Gimmee your hand."

"Couldn't Sasuke do it? It's not that I don't trust you, Naruto, it's just that... I don't trust you."

"What?" asked Naruto. "It'll be fine!"

Kakashi knelt down, tapped the ground and-

_POP!_ came Sakura out of the hole as the ground shifted to throw a pillar up.

"You can cheat on your girlfriend by holding Sakura's hand some other time, Naruto," chided Kakashi.

"IT WASN'T LIKE THAT!" said Sakura, quick to protest any indication that she was not dedicated to Sasuke.

Looking down into the darkness, Kakashi nodded thoughtfully as the section of chimney wall retracted back into place. "I'll be right back. You kids wait here."

* * *

Kakashi learned a few things right away. One, this was a very deep hole. Two, it opened up into a really big cavern. Three, and this was obvious in retrospect, it was really dark.

"Well, this isn't helpful," noted Kakashi aloud, getting a feel for the size of the place by the echoes. Pulling a flashlight out of his vest didn't help as the beam just went off into the dark. "Too bad there's no light switch."

Flame, unbearably brilliant after the dark, brightened the cavern. A single rune inscribed on a wall had brightened with yellow flame. The glow slowly spread to a series of adjoining runes.

"I cannot read the fiery letters," said Kakashi hopefully.

" **What do you expect, it IS written in Celestial after all.** "

Kakashi paused at the sudden presence behind him, as well as a voice that sounded like an entire freaking mountain range had discovered a voice. Did he REALLY want to look?

Kakashi turned and saw the dragon. "Okay... You must be the dragon that allowed Naruto to sign that contract."

" **What gave it away?** "

"Ah, sarcasm," noted Kakashi.

" **I noticed someone disturbing my former prison. What do you want, Kakashi Hatake of the Leaf Village?** "

"You know of me?" asked Kakashi, thinking that this was a little alarming.

" **I know of many things.** "

"Then you already know why I'm here, don't you?" responded Kakashi.

" **Some forms must be observed, certain patterns followed. Question must precede answer. Reply must follow answer.** "

"Okay..." said Kakashi, letting the last syllable trail off as he considered that. Might as well go with a question that the dragon wouldn't expect. "Celestial language?"

" **Fuuinjutsu is based on a very debased version of Celestial, which is why it is so relatively weak in this universe. Fuuinjutsu itself, and Celestial for that matter, is based on the concept of True Names.** "

"'True Names'?" asked Kakashi, thinking this was going off in a different direction but also getting the feeling that this might be important.

" **Everything that exists has a True Name,** " rumbled the dragon. " **You yourself are 'Kakashi.'** "

Kakashi staggered, feeling as if that whispered word somehow encompassed everything he was/would-be/had-been. That a more forceful saying of it might break him. It hadn't actually been his name at birth, yet somehow it was more his name than any mere collection of syllables.

" **A wielder of True Names can manipulate those things they know the True Name of. Though there is a Balance and a Weave to the world, and one can have things backfire upon oneself if either is too far disturbed. With fuuinjutsu, you are several steps removed from that danger - but the power of the techniques are lessened as well.** "

"That's way too dangerous for Naruto to know," said Kakashi.

" **One can change many things if one only knows one's own True Name. One can also change things about someone else, if one knows their True Name and they themselves do not.**"

"Just knowing a name allows you to change the individual?" asked Kakashi, shaking off the effect. "I don't buy it."

" **Behold then,** " said the dragon, who then said a Name and made a change.

Kakashi tried to memorize the Name, but it seemed to slip away. However, he DID remember that it was Maito Gai.

* * *

It had been noted that Might Guy was a bit of an oddity. He was almost a parody (in the worlds where he was a fictional character he WAS a parody) of the fires-of-youth teacher stock character in a lot of sports movies. Which was a very regional thing that often struck those not of the producing culture as completely nonsensical.

So this demonstration targetted the green-wearing jonin of Team Guy and altered things accordingly. This was going to be a parody of some other sort entirely.

This affected Rock Lee as well of course, so taijutsu expert was not an aspect to change.

Might Guy had just ended up as a parody (or expy) of someone who was a little less "fires of youth" and a little more "you are already dead."

* * *

Kakashi Hatake blinked at the altered Might Guy. "Wha? THAT is Guy?"

" **Yes. His soul, his presence, his past, his very name - all have been rewritten. He is still your rival, but the rivalry itself is far more serious. He is also a Papa Wolf.** "

"A 'Papa Wolf'?" asked Kakashi.

" **It is when he is protecting someone that he is at his most formidable. More, because he IS so formidable, he is as famous as you are though the attitudes are a bit different.** "

"The past was changed too?" asked Kakashi.

* * *

"We're taking over this village!" said the bandit leader. "We're all wanted missing-nin, so you lot better not get any ideas!"

The tavern was completely quiet, most of the men present backing away from the crowd.

"If you give up your valuables without a fight, we may be merciful!" said the leader, looking for any signs of trouble. The only possible one was this large guy in a hooded cloak sitting in the corner, but that was no biggie with his group.

"Please sir, this is a poor village," said a little girl of about six.

"SHUTUP!" said the leader, knocking the girl down and preparing to stomp her into the ground.

"Excuse me," said a deep voice. "You don't want to do that."

The leader blinked at the large guy in the hooded cloak and then glanced at the table. Hadn't he been all the way over there a minute ago? Still he could feel the unease in his men so he needed to show off he wasn't impressed if this guy just had a little speed. "I'd like to see you stop me!"

The descending boot was stopped by the light touch of the cloaked man's own foot.

"WHY ARE YOU JUST STANDING THERE?! GET HIM!" demanded the leader.

Two of his enforcers stepped forward, grabbing the cloak and ripping it away.

"GAK!" said one of the enforcers, his eyes bugging out.

"Oh HELL," said the other enforcer, beginning to tremble.

"K-k-k-Kenshiro. The Might Guy of Konohagakure?!" squeaked someone in the pack of bandits.

A faint smell of urine wafted from somewhere in the pack.

"Leave," said Kenshiro, cracking his knuckles.

"W-w-w-w-we're not afraid, right men?" said the bandit leader.

"We're all going to die, aren't we?"  
"I didn't want to be a bandit, I wanted to be a lumberjack."  
"Now I'll never get to taste hosenfeffer again. Never be able to eat those dango from Moritake's again."  
"WAHHHHHHH!"  
"I heard he once killed one hundred bandits - and THEN he switched hands!"  
"I heard an S-Class Missing-nin killed an orphan in front of him. That was ten years ago and they're STILL finding pieces of the guy."

The little girl blinked at the bandits. "Uhm. I'm an orphan."

Someone in the pack of bandits screamed like a little girl himself.

"C'mon you cowards! He's just one man, what can he do?" asked the leader.

"Huh," said Kenshiro, holding up one hand, index finger extended.

"He can't get all of us, let's get him!" said one of the enforcers.

Kenshiro Guy managed to look both bored and sad as the bandits attacked.

"And I'll just kill this little nuisance," said the leader, pulling out a knife and jumping towards the girl who started scuttling backwards.

"Ah-TU! AH-TA! Ahhhhhh-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta. WAH-TAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

"They're not going to explode, are they, Mister Guy?" asked the little orphan girl. "Cause I got to clean this room you know."

"No, I just hit their anti-aggression points," said the large man.

* * *

"Can I learn that?" asked Kakashi.

" **No. The Sharingan cannot copy manuevers of this school for much the same reason that the Jyuuken cannot be copied.** "

"So Guy is more formidable? That's kind of scary," said Kakashi.

" **Alone and under orders, he is as talented as you remember. When protecting something? He is sufficiently formidable that Hiruzen Sarutobi tried to retire and hand off the job to him.** "

"Gak!" said Kakashi, picturing a village fed on the fires of youth. Then realizing that this particular Guy didn't do that sort of thing.

" **He turned it down because he wants to teach genin and sees potential in Rock Lee. If he took the Hokage position, he would be unable to train Lee to be his successor in Hokuto Shinken.** "

"Oh?" asked Kakashi.

" **Maybe afterwards. It would be interesting to see the effect of his 'eye exploding aura burst punch' on someone like Danzo Shimura if he ever learned what Danzo has been doing with children.** "

Of course, the Dragon was referring to stealing children and raising them as emotionless weapons. Kakashi put a different spin on it and was both revolted and making a reminder to keep an eye on the Village Elder in question.

* * *

"So, Mister Hokage, what exactly is it y'all wanted to talk to little ol' me about?" asked Mushu.

The various jonin, chunin, and special jonin all looked at the little red Chinese dragon standing on the table.

"This is one of the easiest ways to make sure that the correct information gets out amongst the clans and cuts down on the misinformation," said the Hokage. "Can you tell us about the dragon summoning contract with Naruto?"

"Okay," said Mushu, folding his forelimbs in front of him and nodding in imitation of human mannerisms. "Listen up, y'all. This here's the thing. Naruto Uzumaki, last heir of the once-mighty Uzumaki clan, has the summoning contract for dragons. He has the ability to bring forth mighty dragons to fight or bring other useful skills to y'all's village."

"'Mighty'?" asked one of the chunin, eyebrow twitching and indicating Mushu's apparent desktop-fitting size.

"I am the dragon who gets the 'expository dialogue' job description," said Mushu. "Mainly because I is so very erudite and stuff, you digging me? Course, Naruto is also gonna be responsible for bringing dragons more permanently to this location - and don't think that won't be a game-changer."

"How are having tiny dragons, no offense, going to change much of anything?" asked the same chunin. "I mean, Tsunade summons giant slugs and Jiraiya has giant frogs, and there are other summons already."

"Would you pay attention? I just done said I am the 'explaining stuff' dragon," said Mushu, clearly irritated. "Most dragons are more prone to action than witty dialoguing and speechifying. Kinda like Kenshiro here."

Everyone glanced at Kenshiro, the Might Guy of Konohagakure, and had to admit that he wasn't much for long drawn out speeches. Mostly he was the sort who gave short to-the-point speeches while giving short to-the-point beatdowns. With short and messy explosions of body parts usually following such if the opponent was deemed an enemy of the village.

"Now one thing to remember is that you shouldn't meddle in the affairs of dragons, cause y'all are crunchy and good with ketchup," said Mushu, brandishing a bottle of Huntsman's Brand Spicy Ketchup that he pulled out of nowhere. "Some dragons don't do the speechifying too well cause they're liable to take a bite out of whatever's annoying them. Those are the ones Naruto would likely summon up for a fight and then they'll just dismiss themselves to go back to what they was doing afterwards. There are others to summon for expertise on one thing or another, such as transportation or digging a hole. That's the summons though. There's more cause he's a dragon contractor, not just a dragon summoner."

"What's the difference?" asked Iruka Umino.

"Naruto can only summon dragons for a limited time," said Mushu, with a nod towards the teacher. "Bigger the dragon, the more the chakra cost, the shorter the time we stay summoned. That's kinda different from the toad contract and such. Also he needs to know the name of the specific dragon to be summoned. With his memory, that's a limitation all by itself."

"I can attest to that," said Iruka drily, well knowing the limitations of Naruto's attention and memory.

"So he's gonna be raising some dragons when he's got the space," said Mushu. "As soon as he gets space for a hatchery, he's gonna have the opportunity to raise some dragons from eggs. That's the real changing thing."

"How does that change anything?" asked the chunin from earlier.

"They is born and raised to this world, they become natives of this world," said Mushu. "That means no chakra required to maintain 'em here. So how will it be when Naruto can provide flying high-speed transportation to a large group of people? Not to mention the special abilities thing."

"What special abilities?" asked Inoichi.

"Depends on what goes on with his clan," admitted Mushu. "Also fits into the whole bonding thing with the just-hatched dragons. For example, if he ends up with you Yamanaka types - he could raise dragons who do that talk-with-the-mind thing. If he ends up with one of you Hyuga sorts - that link-with-minds things so y'all could see from your bonded dragon-friend. It's kind of like with the Inuzuka clan and their big doggies, except the Uzumaki animal friends have wings and armored scales and elementally charged breath weapons and stuff like that there. You're actual mileage may vary though, cause there's always the little fiddly bits when plans meet real life."

"Hmmm," hmmmed Hana Inuzuka, considering the information she'd bring back to her own clan. Possibly a competitor, possibly an ally with some overlap.

* * *

"I don't understand," admitted Naruto.

"The Inuzuka clan offers their assistance, that's all," said Hana Inuzuka to the young contractor. "I'm a veterinarian after all, working primarily with the Inuzuka clan dogs but also various other nin-animals as well. The exception being the messenger hawks as they're exclusively cared for by the Cryptology Department."

"Didn't know that," admitted Naruto.

"Well, it's something to keep in mind," said Hana.

* * *

"Ah, Naruto Uzumaki. Fancy meeting you here."

Naruto paused in mid-noodle-slurp.

"Considering how often he comes here and that you've been here twice today already," muttered Teuchi in the background.

"I just wanted to say that I've heard you're needing to set up some place of your own now," said the stranger.

"Yeah, that's what Mushu tells me," agreed Naruto between slurps. "Who're you, anyway?"

"Oh just a concerned party," said the stranger.

"Uh huh," said Naruto. True, he could be very gullible. In this case, however, he had a clue that something was going on. "Nah. Already got a place."

That seemed to take the stranger aback. "You do?"

"Yup," said Naruto. "Choji's father heard the same thing. Said something about zoning that I didn't understand."

"The Akimichi clan?" The stranger scowled. "What's their interest?"

"Eventually, transport," said Ayame, a ladle in her hand twitching every so often.

"'Transport'?" asked the stranger.

"Your intel appears to be dated," said Ayame. "Naruto's been approached by the Akimichi, the Aburame, the Inuzuka, and the Yamanaka clans already."

"Is this stool occupied or reserved?" asked a member of the Hyuga clan, indicating a seat on Naruto's other side.

"No," allowed Ayame. "Though we have booths if you'd prefer."

"No, this is quite adequate for my purposes," indicated the Hyuga.

"Wow," said Naruto, staring into his bowl. "Ya get a clan and suddenly everyone wants to talk to you."

Unexpectedly, it was the Hyuga who answered that. "It is not quite an accurate depiction of events, though understandable in your conclusion."

"Eh?" asked Naruto.

The Hyuga let a slight breath out. "You now have a clan, with useful abilities. As you are a new factor in the clan inter-relationships, it is understandable that each wishes to determine your clan's standing and to either acquire an ally or establish boundaries at the very least."

Naruto blinked a couple of times. "I still didn't get that."

The stranger shook his head. "He really doesn't need you to confuse matters, I think he manages that quite well himself."

"Hey!" complained Naruto, who thought that sounded almost vaguely insulting.

"Let me translate from Hyuga-ese," said Teuchi. "You have a clan now. Your contract with dragons means it could become a powerful clan in the future. The existing clans want to either become friends with you or make sure you're not cutting in on their territories or causing them to lose money or power."

"Oh? Oh!" said Naruto, brightening. "I ain't no bully. No worries about that! Sure my clan's gonna be awesome - dattebayo! That don't mean I'm gonna step on anyone."

"Then I shall assure those concerned parties within my own clan structure," said the Hyuga.

"Eh?" asked Naruto.

"He'll let his people know you're not planning trouble," translated Teuchi.

"In the meantime, perhaps one of the miso ramen?" asked the Hyuga.

"What about you, mister?" asked Naruto, turning towards the stranger who still hadn't introduced himself.

Except that he was not there and Naruto couldn't recall seeing him leave.

* * *

Danzo was thoughtful and silent for a few moments after the report had been given.

When the operative had begun to perspire in that nerve-wracking silence, Danzo finally spoke. "I had not expected the clans to move that quickly."

"No, Danzo-sama."

"I see," said Danzo with a frown. "It is of no consequence in the short term, and we'll manage despite a starting disadvantage in the long run."

"Yes, Danzo-sama."

"There will be other opportunities," concluded Danzo before he turned his attention to other matters.

* * *

"Whoa, it's bigger than I thought it would be," said Naruto, plopping the small stack of boxes down in front of the new house.

"Yeah, it's a real fixer-upper though," noted Mushu as he drew a claw over a section of railing. He winced when it fell down and broke apart. "Uhm. I meant to do that. Yeah. Real fixer-upper."

"I can see that," agreed Naruto.

"Still, it's a start," said Mushu.

* * *

The place was near the Akimichi storehouses and clan compound (though that wasn't terribly huge as the clan wasn't that big as far as numbers went at least) on one side. On the other side, a small apartment complex of a maison-style, and then the clan holdings of the Yamanaka.

Across the street was a strip of three little shops and an ANBU/Police mini-station of the type where basically one of those would come to fill out paperwork, get lunch or tea, or rest weary feet before going out again. The shops themselves were a recently-vacated candy shop (wares were still visible in the window so it was VERY recent), a leather goods store, and the largest was of the mini-market type that sold a little bit of a wide variety of items but didn't really try to provide much variety at all of any particular set of items.

Naruto didn't pay much attention to his neighbors for the moment though. Now he was eyeing his place. HIS place. A place for HIM. Not just a cramped little apartment - no. HIS clan.

For a little orphan boy who'd not had much of his own for his entire life, the idea that this place was HIS was a heady one.

"Roof's got a couple of holes in it, you got one main room which you's can live in," said Mushu. "Just about everything else is gonna have to be fixed first."

"Yeah, yeah, but at least the landlord got the one room fixed up," said Naruto.

"I knew from the deal that it was gonna be a fixer, but I admit this is a bit more work than I was thinking it'd be," admitted Mushu. "I thought that the rent and stuff was pitched low so they'd be gettin' on your good side. Not so much, I is thinking now."

"So where do I start?" asked Naruto.

"We'll go with the first room, I be thinking," said Mushu. "Make sure the electricity and the plumbing are hooked up right. Then we can get one of those storehouses fixed up before we get any wind through here. Might just knock down half yo property if we had a good windstorm."

"Okay," said Naruto. "You got the key?"

"Do I got the key? You thinking I'm unreliable?" Mushu huffed at that. "Of course I got the key. I got it right... no it ain't there. Nope. Not there either. Waitaminute. I forgot I ain't got no pockets. Where would I... oh here it is! Ah hah! You doubted the great and powerful Mushu didn't ya?"

Naruto tore his gaze away from the property. "You say something?"

Mushu picked himself off the ground. "So that's what a face-fault feels like. Have to remember not to do that too often."

* * *

A little black-haired girl with white eyes slowly eased out from behind concealment.

There was Naruto, moving boxes into a building that looked as if it would fall over in a harsh wind.

Except that her Byakugan revealed that most of the damage was superficial. The frame itself was relatively strong, the wiring and plumbing intact and recently repaired. At least as far as she could tell. There was an exercise in training the Byakugan that involved seeing the layers of construction in common buildings and looking for the signs where a roof was leaking - so she had SOME of idea of what to look for.

But why would someone make a place look worse than it actually was?

Still, there was something she had to ask about. What exactly was that thing flitting about?

At which point the kid glanced over in her direction and saw her. Panic set in.

Worse, he put the box down and was now walking towards her. The little red lizard landed on a shoulder and started whispering something to Naruto, but she couldn't make out what.

A dozen excuses and plans ran through her head, all moving around in a panic and not settling into one place long enough for one to really stand out.

"Hey there!" said Naruto, grinning at her as he recalled a revelation handed him not terribly long ago. "Hinata, right?"

"I was just- that is- I wasn't," tried Hinata, her hands fluttering about as she tried to figure out what she should do. Would running away be best? Maybe a convenient excuse like she was just visiting this shop? Maybe she should try spontaneous mastering of the be-swallowed-up-by-the-earth jutsu?

"You know, I used to think of you as a real weirdo and clumsy and not much fun," said Naruto.

Clouds seemed to spontaneously form overhead, a cold darkness that would swallow her up forever.

"But you know, I think I kinda like you anyway!"

The clouds parted, a ray of sunlight spearing down on her.

"So you wanna see my new place?" asked Naruto. "I got a clan forming! Ain't that neat?!"

"Ha-ha-hai..." Hinata blinked, realizing that one of her hands was feeling really warm and somewhat restrained. She looked at it and realized that Naruto had caught it between his own hands.

Not ready for this at all, she turned and fled before she could faint.

Right into the leather goods store.

_CRASH!_

"Okay, she's still weird," said Naruto.

* * *

Ko of the Hyuga clan decided that the moment really required a facepalm.

The fox brat associating with Hinata-sama was completely inappropriate. However it had been explained that as the contractor for the dragons - they were opposed to demons in the legends and so that didn't work at all.

So he was attempting to observe what was going on for the Hyuga household regarding this new reborn Uzumaki clan.

When Hinata-sama had wandered in, met the boy, and then apparently panicked and ran into the store.

Where she knocked over and got trapped in a display of things not really meant for children of her age.

THEN she passed out, apparently having seen such things before. Not unexpected, the Byakugan tended to make observation of things not really appropriate for the ultra-young to become commonplace.

At which the proprietor lifted the little girl out of the display, handed her off to the foxboy who was just now looking within, and got back to making something with buckles and straps that Ko himself didn't want to contemplate the use of.

At which point the kid took her over to the porch of his home and tried to wake her up.

* * *

"This here can be the hatchery," said Mushu. "We just need to knock these two sheds down and then rebuild 'em so it'll be enclosed. Need to use stone though. Wooden buildings and baby dragons just do not go together."

"Got it," said Naruto. He'd seen Mushu spit out fire before, so this part he pretty much understood.

"As it is," said Mushu thoughtfully. "This area's pretty open. How about we summon your taijutsu instructor?"

"Oh! Training!" said Naruto. "Not only 'yeah' but 'hell yeah' - is this gonna be some awesome master of big sword fighting?!"

"Uhm, no, I did say 'taijutsu' not 'kenjutsu' - there a bit of a difference there," said Mushu, shaking his head at Naruto. "You know the hand signs, and this is the name here."

_POFF!_

"You rang?" asked the youthful muscular man. Except that from the eyes, one could tell this wasn't his real form.

"Yeah, seifu Baruso," said Mushu, looking fairly reverant. "This one presents a lowly aspirant on the path to becoming a badass of martial arts beat-down-your opponents style. Please pass some of your wisdom in the whole beat down thing to his unworthy self."

"He doesn't look like much," offered Naruto.

"Ah," said the cheerful-looking fellow. "Let us see what you have then, yes?"

* * *

_next morning:_

"So..." said Kakashi.

"He just showed up, staggered over there, collapsed and went to sleep," said Sakura, shrugging.

"What's today's lame mission," griped Sasuke.

"Why do you think it's lame?" asked Kakashi.

Sasuke started counting off with his fingers. "Let's see, this month we started with dog-walking, followed by: painting fences, trash pickup, McNinja Burger counter help, polishing rails along footpaths, walking dogs, topping onions, pulling weeds, delivering fliers for a new cafe, babysitting, dusting crates in a warehouse, painting more fences, moving crates from one pile to another pile, delivering art supplies, breaking rocks, sorting rocks, street sweeping, more babysitting, repairing sewage lines..."

"You forgot repairing the pipes of the women's hot springs," said Sakura.

"Gee, thank you, Sakura," said Sasuke, sarcasm practically dripping off his voice and shooting her a death-glare, "I  have been trying to forget that."

"No problem," chirped Sakura, glad to be of help to her Sasuke.

"It's like there's a certain amount of idiocy in the world," muttered Sasuke. "Now that Naruto isn't pulling his share..."

"Be that as it may," said Kakashi.

"Hrph? Urgl?" went Naruto before sitting up. "Oh. Already?"

"He was three hours late!" pointed out Sakura.

"Oh good, I got something to try out!" enthused Naruto.

"And the lameness of the day continues," muttered Sasuke.

"Check this out," said Naruto, biting his thumb and then slapping that hand down. "Summoning Jutsu! Four to go!"

_Ka-bamf!_

As the smoke cleared, so too did Sasuke's rising levels of irritation. "What are those?"

"Wyvernhawks!" said Naruto proudly. "Short range fliers!"

"They have saddles?" asked Sakura.

"Right!" said Naruto, who then got a familiar mischievous grin on. "Last one to the Hokage Tower buys the ramen! Yeehaaaa!"

Seeing Naruto bound over, jump into the saddle of the orange wyvernhawk, and then take off at a steep angle, Sasuke blinked before returning his attention to the remaining three creatures.

Long serpentine forms, scaled, and with decidedly nonhuman faces but somehow conveying that they were bored. They also were slowly shifting around large fanlike wings while floating a couple of feet off the ground.

"Hmph," said Sasuke, leaping onto and landing on a black-purple wyvernhawk and directing it after Naruto.

"Kakashi-sensei? What?" asked Sakura, a little discomfited in how the nice normal routine had just apparently been chucked out the window.

"Hmmm," said Kakashi, already lowering himself into the saddle of the greenish one.

"Kakashi-sensei?!" asked Sakura.

"Well, I certainly wouldn't take the pink one," noted Kakashi to her, then tapped the beast on the sides and directed it. "Try to catch up."

Sakura blinked and looked over at the pink one, which was eyeing her back.

* * *

"Ack! Blah! Pteh!" managed Naruto.

Sasuke glanced over at Naruto, nodded, and finally just leapt off and landed next to him. "What happened?"

"Don't have your mouth open when you're flying," advised Naruto. "Bugs. Ick."

Sasuke nodded. Good advice and those things could come in handy. One of the beasts flicked an unusually long tongue out, gathering in most of a cloud of insects, then retracting that tongue.

"Well, that was interesting," said Kakashi as he landed alongside them.

"Where's Sakura-chan?" asked Naruto.

"wwwwwwwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!" said a pink blur as she went past the tower.

"waaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiittttttttttttt!" yelled a pink blur as she sailed past the tower in another direction.

"Maybe I should dispel the summons?" asked Naruto, bringing his hands up.

Sasuke's eyes widened, and he half-turned to tell Naruto why this would be a bad idea.

"aaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAA," yelled Sakura as she prepared to go past the Hokage Tower again but this time had gathered her feet under her so she could leap across.

_Ba-Damf!_

Feet thrust out with nothing under them to push off against.

"Uh oh," said Naruto as Sakura sped past their position, flailing her arms and legs as if trying to swim or spontaneously master unassisted flight.

_CRASH!_

"Ah, well, at least she's in the right office," said Kakashi.

* * *

"So you have flight transport? That could be very handy," said the Hokage.

"Yeah!" said Naruto, thinking it was awesome.

"They're easy to fly then?" asked the Hokage.

"Yeah, Mushu says that as long as the rider doesn't bear the Contractor any ill will - anybody could fly one!" said Naruto.

"And if they do bear you ill will?" asked the Hokage, glancing at the girl being physically held away from Naruto by their mutual team-mate.

"Oh, well, then their ride is gonna get bumpy!" said Naruto cheerfully. "They're gonna misbehave and not follow directions and stuff!"

"Why you..." Sakura slumped, staring at Naruto. "What?"

"I don't know what happened with yours Sakura," said Naruto with complete sincerity. "Maybe that one was just hungry or something."

"You said earlier that they were 'short-range'?" asked Kakashi.

"Yeah, that's what Mushu said," agreed Naruto.

"How 'short'?" asked Sasuke, curious himself and thinking he knew where Kakashi was going with that.

"Uhm, I'll ask," said Naruto, now curious himself.

* * *

The wyvernhawk was a serpentine creature with pleated wings that unfolded, roughly nine feet from tip of tail to nose.

As experiments proved during today's D-Rank mission, they were essentially "sprinters" - able to go very fast for short periods of time. They could fire off jets of flame from their mouths, levitate, and were VERY agile fliers.

Unfortunately for Sasuke, his prediction regarding the mission was entirely correct and their mission today was harvesting strawberries. Which was not something that lended itself well to practicing flight.

Still, they'd managed to get some of the flight-training done in the six hours they'd spent in the fields.

"So what kind of range does this give us?" asked Kakashi as the trip back to the Hokage Tower was at least fast and involved only one mishap when Sasuke had failed to think "happy thoughts" while in the saddle.

"According to Mushu, about an hour at maximum speed, so about 180 kilometers," said Naruto, who'd asked that question during Mushu's brief stay with them during the mission.

Kakashi considered the possibilities this offered. An hour to cover 180km (111 miles) meant that any mission within that radius would be something they could likely undertake without much difficulty. "And how long for these wyvernhawks to recover from their exertion?"

"I dunno, I guess I'll ask," offered Naruto after thinking about it briefly.

* * *

"About three hours," said Mushu, sitting atop Naruto's mailbox. "They'll need some fresh water and to go hunting, so you's gotta dismiss them or leave 'em where they is."

"Ah," said Kakashi.

"What a dump," said Sakura, looking over the place.

"Well thank you, Miss Tact," said Mushu, showing a huge amount of sarcasm for someone of his size.

"Hnnn," said Sasuke.

"No, we ain't got any funds," said Mushu. "So we just stuck fixing a little bit at a time."

"Hnnn?" asked Sasuke.

"Yeah, well, I used to hang around a gal named Mulan," explained Mushu. "After she had some kids, it took her a couple hours and at least two cups of tea before she got to talkin' proper. I got good at being able to figger out 'morning mumble' - which is pretty similar."

"What happened to this 'Mulan'?" asked Kakashi, thinking that she had probably been the previous summoner.

"She died," said Mushu, placing a claw over his chest.

"Oh, sorry," said Kakashi.

"Ah, don't be," said Mushu, the somber moment vanishing. "She died in bed, surrounded by her kids, their kids, and their kids' kids. Big hero of China, mourned by lots of people, gotta mural of her in the Capital. Wouldn't be surprised if they made a play or something about her early years of kicking Mongol butts and such. Course, that was way before I got into my current occupation. Back then I was one of the guardian spirits of the Fau family."

"A hero?" asked Sakura, thinking this 'Mulan' must have been a strong kunoichi. And frankly, she was feeling a bit left out with Sasuke being Sasuke and Naruto having dragons.

"Oh yeah, she had ties with the Army and got good with the four major weapons," said Mushu. "Staff, spear, dao, and jian. She was also pretty good with bow until she took an arrow to the knee. Had to stop adventuring so much then, took up the crossbow and was even better with that. Got less up in your face in a fight, more a hang-back and sniper."

"Hnnn," hnnned Sasuke thoughtfully.

"Too bad you can't offer anything as payment," noted Kakashi. "A few D-ranks to build up your house would make it look a lot more livable."

"Wait," said Mushu, launching himself to hover at eye level and look directly at Kakashi. "Is you suggesting that something other than cash could be used?"

"Well..." said Kakashi, not sure of the intensity of the dragon's attention.

"Cause if you IS, then maybe we can come up with something," said Mushu.

* * *

"Yes, this place needs fixing up," admitted Kakashi.

"We already agree on that," said Mushu, shaking his head. "You got to look underneath the underneath here though."

"Ah," said Kakashi. "I think I've heard that somewhere before."

"And here's just who we needs to look underneath some underneath," said Mushu, darting across the street and around a corner.

"EEEP!"

Kakashi sighed and shook his head.

"What's that about?" asked Naruto, who brightened on seeing someone get chased out into plain view. "Hey! It's Hinata!"

"EEEP!" repeated the dark-haired girl on realizing she'd been spotted. Again. Well, at least she could try to avoid fainting this time. She would do better!

"What did Mushu mean by that, Kakashi-sensei?" asked Sakura, hoping to figure out what was 'troublesome' about this situation.

"She's a Hyuga, who has the Byakugan," said Kakashi. "Some people believe the Sharingan was descended from the Byakugan - making it a more potent evolution of that dojutsu."

"Hmmm?" asked Sasuke, now slightly more interested.

"The Byakugan allows someone to see in all directions around them, plus through solid objects," said Kakashi. "They can also see the chakra network in a target's body and then use their special taijutsu style - the Jyuken, to disable or kill their opponent by striking the correct spots on their body."

"Through solid objects?" said Sakura. "Oh. So she can literally see 'underneath' things."

"Right," said Kakashi. "I've heard that one of their methods of training up the Byakugan is to find structural weaknesses in homes. Find leaking pipes in irrigation fields or under houses. Just finding cracks in foundations and other obvious things, but still - quite handy despite the limitations of the chakra cost to maintain it."

"A-a-ano," said a little girl, looking ready to bolt.

"Hey, Hinata! Can you give me a hand here?" asked Naruto.

"I, that is, I mean," said the clearly nervous girl. "I suppose..."

* * *

"Here we go," said Mushu, flying up while carrying a curved sword. "Mulan got that from a Mongol shaman. Never did figure out how to get that green fire aura though."

"The shaman probably knew a specific jutsu for it," said Kakashi, eyeing the blade.

"Do you know a jutsu for that, Kakashi-sensei?" asked Sakura.

"No, I usually use lightning to charge a blade with," said Kakashi. "That and I haven't used a sword that much since my father's sword was broken."

"So what did this fire aura do?" asked Sakura of the dragon.

"Mainly caught things on fire, sliced through lots of weapons, threw off the occasional green firebolt, stuff like that," said Mushu.

"How did she beat that guy?" asked Sakura.

"Noticed he sliced in half everything that was thrown at him," said Mushu. "So she tossed a rocket at him while he was distracted. He sliced it in half. With a fire-coated sword. Big boom."

"Yes, that IS rather a drawback to the whole flaming sword thing," agreed Kakashi.

"Anyway," said Mushu, "that's called the Green Dragon Fire Sword. Don't know that much about it though. I think Mulan used it maybe twice. Threatened to use it on whoever kept stealing her sweet rolls. Never caught him though and the thefts stopped about that time."

"How many of them did you steal?" asked Kakashi.

"Only a couple... I mean, I have absolutely no idea who the sweet roll thief was," said Mushu, looking positively indignant by the end of that statement.

"Sweet roll?" asked Hinata from where she was standing and occasionally sneaking a peek at a nearby Naruto.

"Sorta like a red bean jam bun," qualified Mushu. "Man. I could sure go for one now. Problem is, they're really addictive and all. If I ate one, I'd probably scarf a dozen."

Sakura had a sudden image of the tiny dragon sitting back with a contented smile and a belly six times the size of the rest of him. She tried not to snort in amusement, because after all Sasuke was nearby.

"So anyway," said Mushu, eyeing the shaking Sakura. "We is getting away from the subject at hand. How much are you willing to part with for this fine and hardly ever used weapon?"

"You need building materials right?" asked Sasuke, making a few trial swings with the sword. "Uchiha district. There's some empty houses which can be taken apart. I'll specify which ones."

* * *

Naruto yawned.

Someone kicked him, lightly, along the ribs.

Naruto snorted, sat up, and looked around. "Huh? What?"

"That's what we wanted to know," said Kakashi.

"Why's everyone here? Why am I sleeping on a stone bench?" Naruto blinked as he realized that Sasuke and Sakura were staring at something. Naturally, he tracked where their vision was directed.

Roughly twenty five feet square as far as depth/width/length was concerned. About one hundred twenty feet as far as height was concerned, a white glistening crystal spire stuck up out of the ground as if someone had just jammed it there.

"It grew," said Naruto.

"'Grew'?" asked Kakashi.

"I had summoned one of the dragons in the book," said Naruto. "This one was into fuuinjutsu. Didn't like the house. Handed me this crystal. Said throw as much chakra as I could into it. At first it didn't do anything. Then I got real frustrated and pushed and - everything went dark."

"Ah," said Kakashi. "So that's what happened."

"This makes sense exactly HOW?" asked Sakura, pointing at the huge building.

"Well, after today's D-Rank mission, we'll have to take a little look at it. As it is, we're already late."

* * *

"We have a D-Rank mission to explore the strange crystal tower that just appeared on Naruto's property?" asked Kakashi.

"The neighbors are curious," said Iruka. "Go figure."

"Naruto!" exclaimed Sakura, ready to berate her team-mate.

"Sakura," quietly said Sasuke. "Is this worse than cleaning the Inuzuka kennels? Litter collection along the river? Sewage pipe unblockage? Onion topping?"

Sakura blinked, turned to the Hokage, and bowed. "I withdraw my objection to the mission."

* * *

"Well, this looks like it'll be an easy mission after all," said Sakura. "Bare walls and ceiling and floors."

"Another empty room," said Sasuke. "You'll need doors too."

"The crystals of the interior rooms are mostly opaque, the outer walls are opaque from the outside but transparent from the inside." Kakashi rapped against a wall. "Material is some hard mineral material - not familiar with it."

Sakura went into a room and called out to the group as they went off exploring other rooms. "Found a table. With a small bottle of something marked 'Drink Me'?" She picked it up, looking at the bottle in more detail. "Anyone have a clue what that means? Guys?"

Turning back to the doorway she noticed it was missing. She was now, for all intents and purposes, in a perfectly cube-shaped 10' room with a table and a bottle labelled 'Drink Me' in her hands.

* * *

Iruka gaped openly at what he was seeing.

The Hokage sat back in his chair and merely raised an eyebrow.

"We ran into some complications," said Kakashi Hatake.

"So I see," said the Hokage.

"THIS SUCKS!" said the little girl.

"I opened the wall with my Chidori technique," said Kakashi. "Though I had to do it twice as it was sealing up nearly as fast as I could open it. I retrieved Sakura and this bottle."

"NARUTO!" yelled Sakura, glaring at the named genin, "if I have to go back to the Academy thanks to YOUR stupid tower..."

The Hokage picked up the bottle that Kakashi had set on the table, then at Sakura. "You drank something marked with a label reading 'Drink Me'?"

"I figured it was Naruto's tower and it wouldn't be something that would hurt me!" stated Sakura. "I just tasted it, smelled it, rubbed some between my fingers. I was trying to identify it!"

"I'd say you did," said the Hokage.

"It appears to be permanent," said Kakashi. "She is apparently seven years old now."

"AGHHH!" battlecried Sakura as she lunged at Naruto.

Sasuke simply put a hand down and palmed her head, stopping her from going further.

"I wonder," said the Hokage, unpeeling the label. "Ah. Directions on the other side."

"WHAT?!" screamed Sakura, who then sagged in place. "Is there? Is there a way to reverse it?"

"No, and after uncorking it is only good for six hours," said the Hokage. "How long ago did you open it?"

"About an hour ago," began Kakashi.

"I see," said the Hokage. Who then swallowed a good third of the contents.

"HOKAGE-SAMA?!" squeaked half the shinobi in the room.

"Ah," said Hiruzen Sarutobi, standing up. Years seemed to fall away from his face and hands. Wrinkles disappeared. Age spots faded away. He removed his hat, letting thick hair tumble down from where it had momentarily been restrained. He seemed to unfold slightly, gaining an inch or two of height.

"Wha?" asked Iruka.

"Cat," said the Hokage, handing the bottle with the little bit of elixir still in it. "Take this to Research and Development. Have them drop everything that isn't a life or death priority and work on this. Now."

"At once, Hokage-sama!" said a cat-masked ANBU, disappearing in a puff of smoke immediately.

"There are many times when the cautious course is best," said the Hokage. He clicked his teeth together and seemed to be pleased at something about that. "Then there are times when one must seize the opportunity that life gives you. Kakashi. I'm uprating this mission to B Class for today. Finish going over the tower tomorrow."

"Sir?" asked Kakashi, recognizing how the Hokage had looked when younger except the hair was longer and thicker and he seemed to be slightly thicker than he'd remembered.

"Steak. It has been so long. So very very long," said Hiruzen Sarutobi. He clicked teeth together and moved his jaw slightly, seeming to find comfort in something of that gesture. "First a physical exam, just to be sure. Then steak."

* * *

"Kakashi-sensei. What just happened?" asked Naruto.

"We got lucky," said Kakashi.

"Speak for yourself!" exclaimed Sakura.

"And no, Sakura, you're seven years old now, but you will not be sent back to the Academy," said Kakashi. "There may even be a way to fix it."

"One of the other rooms might have a fix," said Naruto, perking up some. "Now that we know where to find directions!"

* * *

"Okay, so we did a sweep of the Tower and... where's Sakura?" asked Kakashi.

"She said she wanted to check something," said Naruto. "She was just here a moment ago."

All three ninja considered that for a moment in silence.

"She wouldn't," said Naruto.

"Well, she IS seven years old right now," said Kakashi. "So maybe..."

"If she did, any respect I might have for her has just been lost," said Sasuke, drawing a couple of stares for being unusually verbose for him.

"Eep!"

A flash of pink down the corridor.

"Sakura? You didn't drink anything strange, did you?" asked Kakashi.

"No, sensei," said Sakura's voice, the rest of her being somewhere out of sight.

"Why are you hiding then?" asked Kakashi.

"...there was candy," said Sakura.

"Oh dear," said Kakashi.

"Hnnn," hnnned Sasuke.

"What kind of candy?" asked Naruto.

"Uhm..." said Sakura's voice.

Kakashi vanished, and a moment later came out of one of the rooms holding a VERY embarassed Sakura.

"Is something wrong with my eyes or does she have cat ears?" asked Naruto.

"Hnn."

"Oh. Missed the tail. Yeah, that's kinda odd too. Is her hair longer?"

* * *

"So her hair growth is slowing down, the tail and ears vanished and she lost the claws about the same time?"

"Yes. And she's apparently nine years old now. And we've cleared everything that was found and sent everything to research," said Kakashi. "According to Mushu, all the materials were actually intended for dragons and have temporary effects. It is just that the effect on humans may be odd."

"Well, I'm using a henge to appear my actual age," said the Hokage. "Just when you're training your team, keep in mind that seven years old means that you can't do a lot of strength training due to the ligaments and tendons. Endurance training might be good instead."

"Yes, well, it turns out something else happened during that little adventure," said Kakashi. "She's always been a bit obsessed with Sasuke Uchiha. Except since then, she's gotten into arguments with him twice."

"Really?" asked the Hokage. "Any indication that it's mental instability?"

"No, actually I think it is just that she isn't quite as hormonal as she was," said Kakashi.

"Oh," said the Hokage. "I suppose that might be possible too."

* * *

Sakura was confused.

Okay, she was also still feeling the sting of Sasuke looking all disgusted at her.

It was also kind of odd. She could remember being HEAVILY into Sasuke. As in every-other-thought being about Sasuke. Now she went over all of that and kind of wondered why. Boys were kind of icky and-

Sakura made a face. Right. Nine years old again. She wouldn't be interested in boys much for another year. By the time she got to twelve again, Sasuke would be FIFTEEN! By the time she got to marriage age, fourteen in Konoha, sixteen for civilians - Sasuke would be SEVENTEEN! Would he wait for her?

In the meantime, the only advantage she was seeing was getting the "children's price" and "children's menu" in certain stores.

Her chakra control was normal. Her physical abilities were a little higher than she'd remembered, so she hadn't lost EVERYTHING.

"Sakura?" asked her mother as the two sat at a corner cafe and took a break in their shopping expedition. "Why are you wearing THAT?!"

Sakura flipped the hoodie back. "Do you think I want anyone to recognize me like this?"

"Why? It was just a space/time jutsu going wrong, right?" asked her mother, quoting what she'd been told. "Nothing that can be duplicated, more's the pity."

"Yeah. Something like that. Naruto's Tower."

"That demon-child?"

"He's annoying, dumb as a post, has NO fashion sense, might be color blind, obsessed with ramen, annoying, incompetent," said Sakura, ticking points off on her fingers, "smelly, wouldn't know etiquette if you beat him over the head with a dictionary, annoying-"

"I get the feeling you find him annoying," mumbled Sakura's mother as Sakura went on a rant.

"-wouldn't understand 'tactics' if you explained it to him with pictures and small words," continued Sakura, "annoying, stupid, and loud. But I certainly wouldn't count him as a 'demon' - though I've been around after he's eaten that pork ramen. That gives him gas something awful so I suppose if you were behind him I could see why someone would call him that."

"Let's go with that," said Sakura's mother agreeably. "Do you think we've got enough clothes?"

Sakura looked at the bags they'd gathered. "Yeah. I suppose."

* * *

"Do we HAVE to catch Tora again?" asked Naruto. "Can we please have a better mission?"

"Actually, yes," said the Hokage.

"Really?" asked Kakashi, surprised.

"Yes, due to Naruto being able to supply transportation, I have a C-Rank mission that should be right up your alley," admitted the Hokage.

"Oh?" asked Sasuke, who was more than tired of doing simple jobs that didn't let him get any stronger.

"You do, we can?" asked Sakura. She wasn't too sure about being a nine-year-old on a mission away from the village - but then there HAD been a few shinobi who'd not only graduated but had gone on to chunin by this age so maybe it was okay.

"Courier duty is rather boring," said the Hokage, "but necessary. Taking a package to the Capitol is normally done by a chunin but we're a bit short-handed at the moment. This will also allow you to get acquainted with procedure for such activities."

"Well, at least it's out of the village," said Sakura, relieved. "After all, what could go wrong?"

Everyone stared at Sakura, Iruka going so far as to facepalm.

"Sakura, don't tempt fate," said Kakashi with a sigh. He just KNEW things were going to happen now.

* * *

"This is the package?" asked Kakashi as he inspected the large scroll.

"Everything is sealed in there," agreed the chunin. "Had to use a large scroll, and it's sealed with Type IV Security Seal."

"A 'Type IV'? So nothing of great value," said Kakashi as he considered the scroll. About as long as his arm and about the thickness of his body.

"Paperwork, signed by the Hokage, mainly," said the chunin. "Regular courier broke his leg, nasty break too - tore ligaments. Be out awhile. So this is the weekly run of stuff for the Daimyo's Court to process. You know the sort of thing."

"Understood," said Kakashi. A mail run. Very low chance of attack because it was common practice to change the codes on the scrolls. Use the wrong code when opening it, and everything inside would be hopelessly scrambled. The amount of intel an enemy would get was limited, and it was usually easier to get a spy into place in the capitol if you really wanted that information.

"Right," said the chunin, looking past Kakashi towards the genin.

"Waiting for something?" asked Kakashi.

"Well, yeah," admitted the chunin. "Wanted to see this 'dragon summoning' - sounds cool. Not exactly a secret at this point you know."

"I suppose not," agreed Kakashi.

"Summons - four wyvernhawk!"

"Oh yeah," said the chunin. "I can see uses for THAT."

"Oh?" asked Kakashi.

"I was in the last war too, a genin," said the chunin. "Mission went bad. Behind enemy lines. One squad member heavily injured."

"I remember running into situations like that," admitted Kakashi.

"Something like that and we wouldn't have lost her," said the chunin, sighing at the end of that.

"Having more than one option is generally a good thing," agreed Kakashi, nodding at the chunin before joining his team.

* * *

Sasuke liked this. Even if it wasn't really a good chance to show off his skills or get stronger directly.

Going at half-speed, they could go the full three hours that Naruto could summon them before having to dismiss them. So a travelling speed of 95kph (55mph) for three hours meant that when Naruto set them down in a forest, they'd gone 285 kilometers (165 miles).

Having learned from Naruto's example of having bugs splat into his face on their previous flight, Sasuke had brought a scarf and pair of goggles. Naruto had likewise brought a pair of goggles and a mask similar to Kakashi's - except that his was a sort of midnight-blue. Kakashi already had his mask, and apparently used some sort of low-level jutsu that kept his eyes from getting anything in them.

"ACK! PHT! POO!"

Which left Sakura, who was mostly happy that her mount hadn't done anything weird like fly off in a random direction. Which made this better than their attempt to race to the Hokage Tower that first time.

She was a little less happy about going through clouds and emerging damp, or managing to catch a very startled bird with her face.

"We're only a few hours from the capitol at this point," mused Kakashi. If he'd had access to this sort of transportation back in the war, much like that chunin from earlier, he could see all sorts of opportunities it would have provided.

"They need about an hour of down-time, Kakashi-sensei," said Naruto, feeling proud since it WAS his contract and they HAD gone pretty far and pretty fast. "So what next?"

"Unless you can provide other transportation, we'll do tree-leaping," said Kakashi.

"I'm not that good with summoning many others, Kakashi-sensei," said Naruto, flipping through the book. "Let me see."

"Can you hold it down so I can see?" asked Sakura, tugging on Naruto's jacket.

There was silence for a moment as Naruto knelt so that the much shorter Sakura could read.

"This REALLY needs an indexing system," commented Sakura thoughtfully. "It doesn't appear to be organized at all."

"No, I guess not," agreed Naruto.

"Maybe this one?" asked Sakura, pointing. "The last line in each entry lists 'specialty' and this one has down 'Landscaping', 'Transport', and 'Gardening' listed."

"Oh?" asked Kakashi. "So it's another means of transport?" Though he had to admit to momentary curiosity as to the other two specialties.

"I think Naruto should try summoning various ones," said Sakura thoughtfully, "whenever he can. That way all of us are familiar with each one and when we're facing some situation - we'd all have a better idea of what he's got."

"That's reasonable," admitted Kakashi. "Though be careful not to overdo it and deplete your chakra, Naruto."

"I can do this," said Naruto. "After all, we just spent three hours where I wasn't doing much of anything except maintaining the wyverns."

"Most of them have 'ryu' as part of their name," noted Sakura. "Some of them, like 'Baruso' or 'Mushu' - don't."

Naruto clapped his hands together and then slapped his right hand against the ground. "Dragon Summoning! Ryukaou!"

Sasuke was a little put off by the name including the word for 'peony' - a useless flower, even as the smoke billowed out from the summoning.

"Okay, this is different," summed up Kakashi as the summons appeared.

Five meters in length. Vaguely like a crocodile in general body shape. If you made allowances for six stubby legs, a beak that would be right at home on some birds, stubbly black and gold scales, spikes on the back, and eyes that glowed like green lamps.

"Who Dares To Summon... oh. It's you. The Contractor."

"Yup. I'm trying to summon a few different dragons so I know who to call when I need something," said Naruto.

"Ah," said Ryukaou, his voice sounding like gravel. "Makes sense. Not ready for the landscape work yet? Heard you've got a place."

"You guys talk about me?" asked Naruto.

"Course we do. Ye're the Contractor. Though you might want to have friends nearby to extracate you if you summon Ryumi or Ryune. Ninja-otaku. They might fangirl on you."

"I don't understand," confessed Naruto.

"You can provide transport?" asked Sakura.

"Not as fast as flying, but yeah," said Ryukaou, jerking his chin towards his back. "Grab a spike and hang on."

* * *

Riding Ryukaou was very different from riding the wyverns. The six limbs thumping along and the way the land dragon seemed to 'flow' along the ground made for a very odd feeling ride.

"So there's different elemental types of dragons, and you're an 'earth type'?" asked Kakashi, curious about this.

"The term is 'land dragon' but you've got the basics," said Ryukaou. "Flightless type. There's also sea dragons and fire dragons. Most dragons are kind of combination elements though - able to fly and blast out with a breath weapon. Can't fly. No breath weapon. I got poison though, so it kind of works out. Some land dragons burrow through the ground or sand or rock. And we live for thousands of years so we've all got our hobbies."

"Ah, I see," said Kakashi, sounding bored but actually boggling at the idea of living for thousands of years. With the average lifespan of a ninja being less than half-a-century, that was actually pretty mind-blowing.

"You have poison?" asked Sakura.

"Yeah," grunted Ryukaou. "Those spikes on my back. They make for good hand-holds for one of you, but I can put poison into 'em if something attacked me. Not that much does."

"We're holding onto poisonous spines?" asked Sakura, a little concerned at holding onto a rod roughly a meter and a half long and about as thick as a bo staff.

"I got to twitch the right muscles to put poison into 'em," said Ryukaou. "Defensive stuff. You may have noticed I ain't a carnivore." That was punctuated by a tree being bitten in half.

"One mile to the Capitol," said Kakashi, noting that they were now heading out of the woods and through a town. Which was freaking out about the dragon currently zipping along the streets. "We'll walk the rest of the way rather than cause a stir."

Ryukaou stopped and let them get off. A moment later there was a puff of smoke as he dismissed himself.

"Okay, let's get going," said Kakashi, estimating the time. They'd apparently made pretty good time for a genin team.

* * *

In a way, the three genin were kids. Konohagakure was pretty good-sized but still less than a fifth the size of the Capitol. So a certain amount of gawking was to be expected.

Sasuke concealed the reaction to the size and bustle of the city for the most part. His head inclined slightly towards the ground, but his eyes were flicking everywhere as he tried to maintain a degree of situational awareness in an environment that was sheer chaos compared to what he was used to.

Sakura openly gawked and looked like a nine-year-old girl from out in the country suddenly thrust into a major city. The bright colors and fashions, the displays from the various windows, the crowds - looked to overwhelm her for the first couple of minutes.

Naruto was nervous and apparently had fallen back on old habits, identifying exit routes that his eyes flicked towards. He also apparently was smelling things that were highly unpleasant from the expression on his face.

"We go to the palace from here," Kakashi informed his team after they'd made their way through the crowd and gotten to a checkpoint. "The office will have someone on staff at all times. Once there and the identification is made, we hand over the scroll and then return back."

* * *

GENERAL OUTLINE NOTES:

Story planning was for Naruto and Sakura to eventually get a bit closer. Sasuke is recruited by Orochimaru in the usual manner. Orochimaru tries to and gets some cell scrapings from one of Naruto's summons - eventually leading to some hybrid monsters being developed. He tries at a later date to get one of the unhatched eggs, but fails.

Naruto eventually DOES get the hatchery going. Both ANBU and Danzo's ROOT are guarding it, one just being more hidden than the other, because it has the potential to be a major boon for the village.

Things go even further off-the-rails by the Shippuden time frame. Sakura is twelve at that point, and realizes she's developed a crush on Naruto of all people. Naruto is unaware of this though. Instead of going off for two+ years with Jiraiya and very little to show for it - he's spent that time heavily training and repeatedly stopping by and checking the eggs.

Ryumi and Ryune first show up during the Shippuden arc, and turn out to be ninja-otaku dragons who spend almost all their time shapeshifted into near-human form. (Picture Ayane and Kasumi from Dead or Alive with small horns and pointed ears.) They're also rivals, half-sisters, and prone to parallels with the Kakashi-Gai rivalry played for comic effect. Ryune is more taijutsu, Ryumi is more ninjutsu.

Sakura ends up going with medical studies per canon, and the Tsunade Retrieval arc is mostly the same.

Or at least that was what i had figured out. 


	17. Samurai Sakura

 

 

 

**Another Fistful Of Omake**

by Greylle

DISCLAIMER: Naruto from Kishimoto. Rest is my fault.

Omake 35: Samurai Sakura  
This one came about when the Anime Addventure's branching storylines were having major problems with any episode that was above the 261000 mark. So naturally i went back and added episodes and explored branches below that critical threshold.

Anyone wanting to take and run with this idea is free to do so, just send me a message or comment please.

* * *

Sakura glared at the cloud hanging overhead, specifically at the golden eye in the center.

It had talked all sorts of nonsense about Naruto being "child of prophesy" and "destiny child" and about being some sort of fate-centric person. Obviously, it was confused and was talking about Sasuke if anyone.

That wasn't the part she was having enormous trouble with though. No, the part she was having trouble with was that SHE was being dismissed as someone who was less skilled/powerful than NARUTO!

Then, after a comment by Kakashi about how Naruto would be best supported by a team and trying to negotiate for a power up, it had been discussed (in front of Sasuke no less!) how she didn't have any particular great skill! Followed by her being transformed into a slug-girl, then a goat-girl, batgirl, rabbit-girl, lamia, jurougumo, centaur, dog-girl, slime-girl, harpy, kappa, and finally a catgirl!

"WELL," yelled Sakura at the cloud, "IF I'M SO PATHETIC, WHY DON'T YOU JUST REPLACE ME?!"

" **If that is what you wish. Okay.** "

Sakura was aware that SOMETHING had happened, everyone had moved around, clouds were in different places, and some of the expressions sent her way were very odd.

When she tried to figure it out, she found two sets of memories there.

* * *

It was just one of those little ripples going through. A change in a timeline could send ripples back and forward in time and shift things in unexpected ways.

One moment, Hinata Hyuga was as she had been in most timelines. Shy, kind, seeing Naruto's good qualities and his flaws, and liking him but unable to take the steps to tell him of that.

The next moment, that was all changed.

She was still kind, still saw Naruto the same way, but it didn't matter. Hers was the samurai clan of the Leaf, and she was either to be clan heir or would be married off to a prominent clan within Konohagakure in order to strengthen ties within their village. As she was considered too gentle for the position of heir, the latter was deemed her likely fate. So she had never approached Naruto not because of shyness, but because she understood her duty.

Duty and Honor was everything to the Hyuga clan. More than skill with Jyuuken or Kenjutsu, more than the fame of their fabled Archers, more than their reputation for being straightforward and completely above-board - there was Duty.

And almost from birth, Hinata Hyuga had known her Duty. This was her place and path in the universe, her fate. She was not ronin to be tossed every-which-way by the circumstances around her. A samurai fixed their eye on the goal set before them and strode towards that goal with the fabled Hyuga stoicism and focus.

Oh, if Naruto had an established clan it would have been different. She would have approached him openly in the Academy, stated her feelings, and awaited his response. If there had been an Uzumaki clan for the Hyuga to ally with, she could have had her heart and duty as well.

But Naruto did not have a clan. He did not have a family. As an orphan with no discernible tie to the Uzumaki clan beyond his name, there was no path for her to pursue or goal for her to achieve there.

On a team with an Aburame and an Inuzuka, she performed well even as she considered the two for her role. Neither was a terribly large clan, but both were well-established within Konoha. Either was a possibility for her in the future, with potential benefits for her clan with either one.

For now, her possibilities were still open for another clan to be selected for her. It was understood that she herself had some input but no real choice in the matter. The choice would be likely made by her father after having consulted other members of the Main Branch, and the needs and aims of the Clan took precedence.

Duty. Death was lighter than a feather. Honor heavier than a mountain.

* * *

" **Huh. Hadn't intended that, but oh well.** "

"What happened?" asked Naruto nervously.

" **Oh, I was able to restore Sakura and remove Yuno, but there were changes to the Hyuga clan. Interesting that they're known for their archers.** "

"But the Hyuga clan has always been known for their Archers," said Kakashi. "They can see a target in the deepest brush and their precision allows them to shoot a grain of rice off the shoulder of that target. Their skill with the katana and naginata is also well known, as is their displeasure with anyone trying to copy their techniques."

" **The nature of a retcon. Ah well. You sure you don't want the Haruno clan to be samurai? It's kind of odd how well a single samurai clan in a ninja village manages to adapt, and I'm curious how a second would fare.** "

Naruto and Sasuke were both ready to say something. Naruto would have said that he liked Sakura just the way she was, change nothing, and then he'd be ready for her to hit him in the head for it - because that was how things went. Sasuke would have protested that Sakura as she had originally been was INFINITELY preferable to how things had been with a psychotic like Yuno.

"Pardon me. Can I see how it is I'd have turned out if MY family were part of a warrior clan?" Sakura was curious, losing the anger from earlier.

" **Hmmm. Have to do a temporary, establish parameters here, put in limiters, and it could still end up drifting due to secondary eddies in the timestream. Yeah. I can do that.** "

Sakura glanced at Sasuke, then cinched her courage up and looked directly at the eye in the middle of the cloud. "Let me see it."

* * *

The Haruno clan had originated in the Land Of Iron long ago, only to come away from that land of ice and snow and harsh conditions to the ninja lands. Mainly due to politics.

Part of a proud warrior clan, they maintained the traditions. They were not ninja. No backdoor deals, skulking in the shadows, or hidden agendas. They were warriors, bushi. A minor samurai clan, and without a distinguished pedigree as there had been more than a few of lesser caste married into the clan, but they still had held their own for generations.

As the Hyuga clan had settled into Konohagakure, so had the Haruno clan settled - though initially into Uzushiogakure. Their service to the Uzumaki clan had been as highly regarded as the Hyuga had to Konoha, and there had been a friendly relationship between Hyuga to Haruno despite the Hyuga being much more powerful and of more prominent bloodline. That they were both clans to follow the precepts of bushido while surrounded by ninja gave them more in common than their differences.

When Uzushiogakure fell, it was the Hyuga clan who spoke for the Haruno and gathered the remnants into Konoha. It was the eldest of the Hyuga clan who acted as kaishaku to the head of the Haruno clan, who could not be dissuaded from the task of seppuku once the remnants of the clan were safely within Konoha.

The remnants of the Haruno clan were not large. Three families with a total of sixteen individuals. Each practiced their trades, for there was not much call for them as warriors - though that remained their core values.

Some, such as Danzo Himura, had been against them from the start. According to him and those like him, there was no place in their world or village for a clan not willing to embrace the shadows of ninja existence. Others, such as the Sarutobi clan, the Hyuga clan, and the Inuzuka clan - all spoke positively of the Haruno clan and their interactions with it.

Sakura herself had grown up, torn between the two worlds. Her family and her traditions and her skillset were all samurai. Her skills with sword, naginata, and bow were exceptional. She had a firm grasp of the basics of her clan's special manuevers.

She did NOT have the clan's Summoning Contract with the giant eagles. That was something she would eventually gain, when her father deemed she had distinguished herself enough.

She was friends with Ino Yamanaka. That the two of them were both interested in the same boy was a regrettable conflict, but not one that needed to play out in hostility. She had, in fact, offered Ino the position of concubine to Lord Sasuke in the event she became his wife.

Ino's response had been at first incredulous and loud. Very loud. Eventually she'd seen the humor in the situation and just reconciled herself to it being some "weird samurai thing."

Ino had not, however, seen fit to extend the same offer to Sakura if SHE won her courtship.

And so here she was, on the road to Wave Country, Sakura Haruno. Genin (technically - it was easier just to handwave off the distinction of ninja/samurai/whatever) of Konohagakure. Able to use her horse-bow in long range support of her team, naginata for mid-range, and a pair of long-tanto for short-range. (At twelve she was entirely too short to properly wield katana and wakizashi.) Of course, she was also a fair hand at taijutsu but she was primarily a weapons-user.

Still pursuing Sasuke, her young girl crush also supported by her clan as if she DID succeed there - it would further the ties to Konoha and bring the remnants of another clan within their own to strengthen it.

* * *

"Whoa," said Naruto as memories of both versions of Sakura played out in his mind. He had had a crush on one Sakura because of her brilliance and that she'd been teased. He had had a crush on the other Sakura because she'd been like himself in that people tended to treat her as an outsider.

"Hnn," indicated Sasuke, contrasting the memories he knew were of the regular Sakura with the cooler and more politely reserved Sakura. Also the more skilled for all that she generally balked at "ninja sneakiness" as her clan might term such things.

Sakura considered that. Her family was bigger, had a warrior tradition, a summoning contract (minor), and her physical skills were greater. On the other hand, she was less accomplished at things like henge, kawarimi, and bunshin - more interested in foiling techniques like those than becoming proficient in them.

* * *

It had been odd how, even with the tendency to focus on Naruto and his life in a ninja village - the rest of the world had seemed out of focus.

Toltiir had noticed but figured it was just one of those odd peculiarities about these universes. After all, just look at a typical pokemon universe and try to find work/sports/games that did NOT feature pokemon. Or similar universes with card games or some other specialty going on.

It was therefore of some interest to watch how the ripples spread now that the encounter was done.

The shifting of there being two samurai clans in a ninja village caused other shifts to take place. A large shrine now dominated a hill in Konohagakure, with miko and priest and (surprising even the elder god who'd set up what was essentially a computer program to make the little fiddly adjustments) a guardian spirit.

The focus of the village was ninja, ninjutsu, and the quasi-military organization. The daimyo was still the leader of the country. The Hokage was still the leader of the military, it was still called a ninja village and the soldiers ninja. Which rankled the samurai and non-ninja in the ranks but there was a place for them and it had been that way for a few generations now.

The other villages tended to be more "pure" ninja. With the exceptions of the Village Hidden Among The Hot Springs (which had disbanded its ninja village and now had a few scattered ninja and their families who had other professions) and the Nadeshiko Village (which Toltiir couldn't remember being there a moment ago but then found several other timelines with one.) He spent a few moments verifying the last one, and pondering if this was some sort of cross-contamination from a Ranma universe, before deciding just to accept it and move on.

There was, of course, the Land Of Iron and its samurai. As well as priests and shrines which had very little influence in the ninja world in general.

So Konohagakure was called weak or soft for having a few samurai and other non-ninja in its "ninja forces" by other villages. With the exception of every village that they managed to beat like rice for mochi. Nobody who'd ever faced the Hyuga clan would consider them weak or soft.

Kumogakure for example. On the attempt to steal one of the Hyuga children and breed their eyes having been stopped, they had denied responsibility and demanded the return of their diplomat and reparations for his death.

Neji's father Hizashi had begged the clan head for permission to send a suitable reply. The clan itself had prepared for war, only held back by the possibility that this WAS a rogue element. Hizashi had then, while it was otherwise being debated still, gone off to Kumogakure and carved a bloody path from the gates of their village to their Raikage's Tower in order to deliver the head of their ambassador directly. He died with seven spears, countless kunai and shuriken, and two swords buried in him. It was said that even having been killed, there were so many weapons in him that his body remained standing in the doorway.

Kumogakure on that day stopped referring to Konohagakure as a weak village.

Neji never grew up thinking of his father as having been a sacrifice for the main family. He still obsessed with fate and destiny, but his father had died being an utter badass and striking fear into his clan's enemies. Mostly the same outcome, but entirely different perceptions involved. And furthering the image of the Hyuga clan as a clan of hardcore badass warriors was certainly something that nobody in Konohagakure was likely to disparage.

Another surprise was that Hinata Hyuga DID approach Naruto Uzumaki, being a cooly distant friend to him even if there was absolutely no chance of a romance developing between the two. She was still a bit shy and easily embarrassed, but knew what her fate was to be. Hanabi would be chosen as the heir of the main family due to her skill with Jyuuken, the family kenjutsu, and bow. Hinata was nearly as skilled with two of the three but lagged on the unarmed skill. So a seal would be applied, she would marry into another clan - strengthening the ties to Konoha and that clan.

Sakura Haruno and the other members of the Haruno clan were curious about Naruto Uzumaki, but without the red hair or other obvious features of the clan had dismissed the name as not being of their own Uzumaki clan. They'd checked and been unable to find any details, and so simply kept an ear out in case information DID come out.

The Uchiha Coup was plotted. The Uchiha Massacre happened. Itachi left the village. Sasuke plotted vengeance. His younger sister on the other hand -

Younger sister? Toltiir double-checked. Younger sister. By three minutes. Huh. A surprise to more than a few people. Sasuke and Matsui. Weird but it was the little unpredictable things that kept things interesting, right?

Matsui survived by apparently having a wall collapse on top of her, which pretty much ended her career track as ninja but left her able to get around with a cane.

Naruto was still mostly an idiot and loud and snubbed and pranking. Except those who really paid attention to him noted that there was something more going on.

This part drew Toltiir's attention. Painting slogans on a wall wasn't an interesting prank. Making a trap that flour-bombed the person who'd "accidently" kicked him the day before? Much better. Having curtains rigged to drop down in front of a restaurant that had refused to serve him, declaring this "Customer Appreciation All You Can Eat Day" just before the Akimichi Clan arrived? Intriguing. Having a ninja supplier reach for his hidden stash of illegal goods, only to release a toggle which allowed a string to retract which turned a gear which released a bar which caused a dozen eggs to cascade down upon his head?

Ah, and here was a scene he'd half-expected.

* * *

"Yamanaka-san," said Sakura, sitting herself next to the blonde.

"Why so formal, Sakura?" asked Ino.

"It appears we are both interested in the same boy," said Sakura.

"Oh, so you're going to tell me to back off? Isn't happening," said Ino.

"No," said Sakura. "I shall hold out the position of concubine for you should I win this battle."

"Ah," said Ino, taking a drink of her tea before what the other girl was saying caught up with her.

Sakura eyed the resultant spray of tea and nodded. "Four feet easily. As expected of a ninja of your pedigree."

Ino spent a few more minutes coughing before fixing her friend with a glare. "'Concubine'?"

"If you wish to negotiate for the position of co-wife, that may be possible but I am not willing to concede that at this point," said Sakura as calmly and quietly as if she was discussing the possibility of particularly good moon-viewing that night. "Negotiations would have to be scheduled."

"This is some weird samurai-shi... stuff, isn't it?" asked Ino. "No way!"

"Of course, for the proper revival of the Uchiha clan," began Sakura as stoic as a samurai.

"We're ELEVEN. Not a possibility."

"One must always plan ahead," said Sakura. "To go into battle with no strategy is to lose before one has begun."

"This is about love - it is NOT a battle," said Ino.

"Love is a battlefield," said Sakura. "It just uses different weapons."

"Samurai," grumbled Ino.

"Ninja," responded Sakura.

"I'm going to win this fight," declared Ino.

"We shall see," said Sakura. "As you pointed out, we're eleven. There is time for our conflict to properly develop."

"You samurai just HAVE to set rules up ahead of time, don't you?" asked Ino.

"We can be civilized about it, and fight with honor and bring glory to our respective clans," said Sakura.

Ino stared at her friend for a moment. "Do you remember when Ami was teasing you about your forehead? When she was talking about how some samurai-girl should just go off and play with her sword instead of pretending to be a ninja?"

"I do indeed," said Sakura with a nod.

"Do you remember when I talked you out of cutting Ami's head off and shoving it up her buttocks?"

"I remember that as well," agreed Sakura.

"It took me a few days to realize you hadn't been bluffing."

"And as a result, Ami is still in class and still an annoyance," noted Sakura. "Though admittedly, once SHE realized that I had been serious and that I was capable of doing so - she has no longer been directly annoying to me."

"Sometimes," said Ino, "the gulf between the samurai approach to things and the ninja approach to things seems pretty darn wide."

"Perhaps," said Sakura. "Who is your 'Plan B'? Or is that a secret?"

"I don't have a 'Plan B', I'm going to win Sasuke's heart. Just wait and see," said Ino.

"Ah, so your 'Plan B' IS a secret," concluded Sakura with a slight nod of her head. "You ninja really do love secrets."

"No. I really don't have a 'Plan B'," Ino informed her. "You samurai are SO Obsessive-Compulsive."

"We're just more organized and honest," said Sakura. "You going to keep toying around with those croquettes?"

Ino realized she'd been toying around with her food and glared at Sakura before trying to scarf it all down.

* * *

About what he had expected.

Toltiir checked. Team sorting. Team 7 formed for much the same reason it had.

Toltiir watched as things settled into place. Once the past caught up to the 'now' he expected things to be a LOT different. Which was a good thing. Mostly. Especially as this showed signs of throwing things into a bit more of a stir.

Toltiir nodded as things developed.

Naruto was still dead last, just not as pathetic as he had been. Naruto was a bit quieter, better at traps and pranks, had a tighter taijutsu skill, was pretty good at using chain weapons and a shortsword - just not at the same time.

He still knew about the Kyubi, how to do the Shadow Clone technique, and was mostly friendly with a few scattered clans because he hadn't been quite as universally shunned.

He had trained with the sword, mainly because that gave Sakura and Hinata someone to practice with when they weren't with their families. Not the katana though - they were NOT happy with ninja using those. For the weapons he'd actually gotten fair practice with - kusarigama, spear, manriki-gusari, shortsword, and kunai. Shuriken he'd worked with but had accuracy problems at mid to long range.

"So how's Matsui? I ain't seen her in awhile," asked Naruto as the three genin waited for their sensei to show up.

"Fine," grunted Sasuke, jolted out of his brooding momentarily by the reminder of his sister.

* * *

"So, how about we introduce ourselves to start with?" asked their jonin, looking scruffy and practically radiating that he thought all this a waste of time.

Sakura didn't allow any of her irritation to show. "Is it not the proper method for the instructor and social superior to go first?"

"Yeah," seconded Naruto. "Show us how it's done!"

"Very well, my name is Kakashi Hatake. My likes are entirely too adult for you to hear at your age, my dislikes are private, and my dream for the future is pretty much my own."

"Uhm, so basically you're telling us your name and nothing else?" asked Naruto.

"Hmmm. How about that, you're right," said Kakashi as he considered that.

Normally she'd be a little more relaxed, but this was an introduction and she DID have her own duties. Best to look at reactions and see where this went.

"My name is Sakura Haruno. My parents run a bakery while maintaining the warrior traditions of our ancestors. My likes are my friends, my honor, my skills, and Sasuke-kun. My goal is to marry Sasuke, assist him in his own goals, and have the Uchiha clan with close ties to the Haruno."

"Naruto Uzumaki! I like ramen, protecting friends, and learning awesome ninja skills! My dream is to get a Summoning Contract like Hinata's dad and Sakura's mom have, become Hokage, and prove that all the people who hate me for no good reason are WRONG!"

"Sasuke Uchiha. I have no particular dream except for killing a certain someone and re-establishing my clan."

"Which fits into my own plans, naturally," stated Sakura.

Sasuke twitched. It seemed to be a well-practiced gesture.

"At your age?" asked Kakashi, apparently absorbed in reading an orange book.

"Naturally, it would have to wait until we're at least sixteen by local laws and customs - though an engagement would be possible at an earlier age," admitted Sakura. "Once accomplished, I have selected four others who might make suitable concubines for Lord Sasuke."

Sasuke twitched HARD.

The book almost slipped from Kakashi's grip. "You what?"

"Samurai," explained Naruto. "They like to come up with battle plans and strategies and stuff. I'm kinda sorta friends with Sakura and Hinata. So I kinda get exposed to that stuff."

"You mean..." Kakashi blinked and stared at Sasuke. "This sounds like Icha Icha Battle oddly enough."

"I haven't read that book," noted Sakura. "Since Sasuke is looking to replenish his clan, having several available mothers would-"

"NOT listening," said Sasuke, covering his ears.

Naruto shrugged. He really didn't understand all this but that he'd found Sakura attractive had been fairly well rebuffed by Sakura herself. As she was samurai, counting on her to change her mind was pretty much futile.

Kakashi sighed and returned his attention to his book. "Well, tomorrow at 0600 you'll need to report to Training Ground 12 for a very special test."

* * *

Returning home from the Academy, Sakura Haruno was ready to commence sword drills for an hour followed by archery and then some taijutsu and exotic weapons practice with her cousin Chie - which was pretty much her usual routine.

"Sakura?" said Chie as soon as she'd entered the clan compound. "Your father wants to see you. Usual spot."

"Ah, thanks," said Sakura, changing course.

Since they were a warrior clan in a ninja village, and that most of them had "day jobs" while maintaining their warrior skills and heritage, that meant her father was at work.

Sakura put on the hair-net, apron, and gloves before entering the bakery. If this had been something formal in front of the clan, it wouldn't have been in the bakery. Usually. It would have required her to kneel and assume seiza position before the raised platform her father would occupy.

Her father stepping away from the ovens and having two of the others of her clan present caused her to reassess again. Something formal but off the records perhaps?

"Sakura. Your team assignment was today?" asked her father.

"Yes father," indicated Sakura with a slight bow as more wasn't really appropriate in the tight confines of the bakery's work section. "I have been placed on Team 7 along with Naruto Uzumaki and Sasuke Uchiha. There will be some sort of test tomorrow."

Her father nodded, taking his thick gloves off and laying them to the side. "You still plan on pursuing the Uchiha boy?"

"Yes," said Sakura, putting her own feelings to the side. Duty was heavier than a mountain after all. "Is there a problem?"

"No," said her father. "With his own clan decimated, his clan and ours could merge and this would strengthen our own ties with this village. There may be a 'Plan B' for you to consider."

"Oh?" asked Sakura, relaxing a bit as apparently winning Sasuke's heart was still a viable goal.

"We thought Kushina Uzumaki died during the Kyubi attack, that she had been on a mission outside the village for several months, and that she died childless. We have recently uncovered that she was seen pregnant in the months prior."

Sakura straightened slightly. "So it IS possible? I thought that Naruto was determined to be one of those whose Uzumaki name was simply from a civilian refugee family."

"That is what we thought as well, but there is a chance that is not the case," said her father. "Your own reports have mentioned that Naruto seems to have extremely high stamina - which is one of the marks of an Uzumaki bloodline."

"That is so, he also seems to heal very quickly," admitted Sakura. "So he may indeed be an Uzumaki of the main line?"

"That is so," admitted her father. "Since you are on the same team, you can observe and assist him in small ways until we can determine if he IS of a main house Uzumaki descent."

"And if he is?" asked Sakura.

"Then we complain to the Hokage about keeping it secret from US," said her father. "Ninja and their damn secrets."

"Hear that," said one of the advisors.

"Can't do ANYTHING openly if there's a sneaky way to do it," complained the other advisor.

"After that we apologize to Naruto Uzumaki and assist him in any manner we can from that point on," said her father. "If you fail to win your suit with Sasuke Uchiha, if the possibility is not too abhorrent for you - then we will consider a formal omiai between you and Naruto."

"He's a bit of an idiot and frequently annoying," admitted Sakura, bowing her head slightly. "I shall observe and determine the truth. Though honestly, if he IS a main line Uzumaki - he would deserve someone who would reserve him as her first choice. And is possibly a bit more patient than I normally am."

Her father nodded approvingly. "Go to your practice then. We shall see what develops accordingly."

* * *

Naruto could have been completely without social skills as a result of his being shunned. Since the time of the Academy that had changed a bit. For one thing, he had developed an odd friendship with the Hyuga. They'd looked coldly at him, but it had been pointed out by Hinata that they looked coldly at pretty much everyone. They didn't chase him off or look at him with hatred.

The same went to some extent with the much smaller Haruno clan. There was something going on there, particularly lately - lots of odd questions. And when he gave his usual (and mostly involuntary) "dattebayo" he got a few odd looks as if they were looking for something.

With those two openly associating with him, a third had come along - one who was apparently associating with Hinata because of the archery mastery of the Hyuga clan. Matsui Uchiha. He wouldn't describe them as being close friends, but he'd take what he could get.

"So, Kakashi Hatake," said Naruto, using a pair of chopsticks to start turning over pieces of meat and vegetables on the grill. "Anyone know anything about him?"

"No," said Matsui. "Other than you being assigned to him with my brother."

Sakura merely focussed on the meat, choosing silence to be her answer. Then reconsidered and decided on a carrot instead.

Hinata waited a few moments before answering. "Jonin. Former ANBU Captain. Also known as Sharingan Kakashi or Copycat-nin Kakashi. Kakashi the Perpetually Late. The Leaf's Scarecrow. Kakashi the Slacker. Man-Down Kakashi. Also the rival of Maito Gai. Formidable warrior though past his prime."

Nobody was particularly surprised at the idea that the Hyuga probably had a file on him.

"Said we've got a 'test' tomorrow we're guaranteed to fail," noted Naruto.

Sakura frowned as her hand darted out and her chopsticks snagged a carrot. "Late and dismisses us as failures. Such disrespect."

As Sakura chewed at the carrot slice, Matsui decided to ask. "He has a Sharingan?"

"Yes, on a mission during the last war - his team included an Obito Uchiha. Obito died but requested his remaining eye be transplanted into Kakashi who had lost one eye in a previous battle. He isn't as skilled at using it as an Uchiha would - though he's said to have mastered a thousand jutsu with it."

Metsui snorted as her chopsticks grabbed a mushroom. "VERY doubtful. At best I would expect a little over a hundred, and most of those things he wouldn't or couldn't use."

Hinata added something she'd read about. "Both other members of his team under Minato Namikaze died. Obito in a boulder trap, Rin apparently at his own hands as a result of some gambit by Kiri. Since then he's emphasized teamwork."

"So, no idea what this test is?" asked Naruto.

"No. My own team has a similar test tomorrow per our own jonin-sensei," said Hinata.

* * *

The Haruno samurai clan was known for several things. Their adherence to the bushido code, that they tended to plan things out in advance, their skills with the traditional weapons of the samurai.

"So, what's the plan?" asked Naruto as he arrived.

"Test is meant to be a surprise, so I have several plans readied," admitted Sakura.

"Kinda figured," admitted Naruto.

"Did you bring ration bars?" asked Sakura.

"Yeah. Just in case," said Naruto, patting a jacket pocket.

"Good," said Sakura. After whatever it was that was supposed to make them throw up was over with, they could get some energy back that way.

Sasuke walked up, deciding to ignore the two on general principles and just concentrate on stretching out.

"Kakashi Hatake is known for being late," stated Sakura. "Would this be a good time to go over battle strategies?"

"What makes you think there will be a fight?" asked Naruto.

"I thought it most likely that physical exertion or genjutsu testing would occur," said Sakura. "Unless the comment about throwing up was a deliberate misdirection."

"How would that involve genjutsu?" asked Sasuke, forgetting that he was ignoring the two for the moment.

"There's a simple genjutsu for disrupting someone's sense of balance, making them dizzy for a moment," said Sakura. "I don't recall the name offhand, but since that's a low-level genjutsu there may be a higher level one causing more serious dizziness."

"Ah," said Sasuke, thinking he'd heard the same thing mentioned in class when they'd briefly gone over genjutsu. It DID make sense that way.

"So something like that," continued Sakura. "A test to see how well we can do under real field combat conditions would make the most sense at this stage. That he didn't just come out and say so might indicate that I'm wrong though. It might be some sort of ninja misdirection."

"Like expecting ramen and getting shabu shabu?" asked Naruto from where he was putting something into some tall grass.

Sakura paused, glanced at Naruto and then made a face. "No. Naruto. Just no."

"I'm hungry, of course I'm thinking about ramen," explained Naruto.

"What are you doing?" asked Sasuke.

"It's a test, right?" asked Naruto. "Cheat sheets. Dropped a couple of Academy textbooks where I can just stroll over to take a whizz and grab answers."

"He's a jonin, he's not likely to be fooled by such tricks," said Sakura.

"But maybe he'll give extra points for clever," suggested Naruto. "Ninja test - so being sneaky should count for something."

"Perhaps," admitted Sakura.

"If it is a combat test, then those books aren't going to help," pointed out Sasuke.

"Extra pouches of kunai," said Naruto, jerking his thumb in a different direction. "Premade trap using explosive tags." Another direction was indicated. "Entrenching tool. Set of throwing knives. My spear."

"Good," said Sakura, "you were listening."

* * *

"Start," said Kakashi, having explained that two of them would have to get bells and the third would fail. That they had to come after him with intent to kill.

Things went pretty much as he would expect. Naruto dove for the side, then came up with a handful of kunai. Waiting for an opening where he could throw them. Two of the kunai had paper tags, most likely explosive tags.

Then there was Sasuke - gone into the bushes and hiding. Not well enough, but he was the only one even making the attempt at stealth or concealment.

Sakura rotated her naginata in quick blur before settling into a ready stance.

Kakashi sat down on a stump before regarding her and raising an eyebrow. "Not going to hide?"

"You're a jonin with a reputation. Nowhere I could hide you couldn't find me," said Sakura. "Besides. Samurai. My enemy is before me."

"Oh?" asked Kakashi, getting a book out and starting to read. A hand came up and blocked the blade of the naginata before it could touch him. "That's the problem with samurai. Too predictable."

"Isn't that 'Icha Icha Paradise'?" asked Sakura. "Curious choice of reading material."

"It's above your level, I admit," said Kakashi.

"Actually, I found the character of Naru somewhat annoying, and Motoko had a much more interesting backstory," said Sakura.

"Eh?" asked Kakashi. "You've read some of the series? You're considerably younger than the allowed age."

"I believe in formulating battle plans ahead of time," said Sakura. "I was hoping for ideas that I could use to further my case before Sasuke."

Kakashi noted how a bush had just shivered. "Way too early for that."

"True, but it always pays to do your research," said Sakura as she released her hold on the naginata and stepped back. She frowned slightly when the polearm was tossed casually off and then was sticking halfway through a tree. "By the way, I should mention that the ending was quite disappointing. I was rather hoping that Naru and Motoko-"

"No!" said Kakashi, looking up. "Do NOT spoil the ending. And Naruto? I know very well you're sneaking up on my backside with an explosive tag."

"Oh. So, can I get your opinion on something else then?" asked Sakura. "As you are obviously a worldly person who isn't exactly a prude if that book is any indication."

"I'm too old for you," said Kakashi. "Naruto? One step closer and I'll have to drive you into the ground like a tent peg."

"Not that," said Sakura, waving away the idea like an unpleasant odor. "I have a list of possible concubines for Lord Sasuke. Do you think I should select candidates based on financial acumen, ninja skills, support abilities, physical attractiveness, or genetic background?"

Kakashi paused before looking back up from his book. "What? You're TWELVE."

"To properly plan a battle or something like the renewal of the Uchiha clan, one must take many things into consideration," said Sakura. "I was thinking one wife and three concubines. What do you think?"

That bush DEFINITELY shivered.

Kakashi blurred, tripping Naruto and planting the genin's face into the dirt. He noted, fast as he'd been, that Sakura had reacted and drawn her sword and stepped forward in that time. As he was now several feet away - that indicated good speed but not nearly what his was.

"I think," said Kakashi. "That you may just be an interesting group after all."

* * *

There seemed to be a wind blowing all around Kakashi Hatake for a moment.

" **So basically things play out much the same as they did originally, bringing things to now.** "

"Did something just happen?" asked Sakura.

Kakashi looked over the armored bits Sakura was wearing over leggings and tunic. Her sword, backpack with scroll pockets, and naginata close at hand. "Sakura, do you remember-"

"Remember what?" asked Sakura, clearly puzzled.

" **She will when she tries. Right now, she's focussed on what's happening now. Almost like a samurai or something.** "

"'Almost'?" asked Sakura, frowning slightly.

" **Which isn't as important as Naruto now having the Senju latent Mokuton awakened, as well as the Hyouton added, plus my confirming to her that he is in fact the son of Kushina Uzumaki and therefore the Last Uzumaki of the main line of that once-distinguished Uzushiogakure clan.** "

"He IS?!" asked Sakura, glancing at the cloud then at her team-mate. "Why didn't anyone see fit to mention to the Haruno clan this? Why, in fact, did they deny it?"

" **First question - ninja secrets. Second question - they didn't deny it, they simply answered each question in a manner that suggested the answer was no without actually saying it was no. Except in the case of the file clerks who certainly didn't know and just reported what the file said - 'mother and father unknown'. Which wasn't completely true.** "

"My clan will want to have words with anyone who knew who didn't even feel we could be told such an important thing in confidence," stated Sakura.

Kakashi didn't look in her direction, as he well knew who Naruto's parents were.

"Doesn't matter," said Naruto, unexpectedly. "What difference would it have made?"

"Lots," said Sakura, settling down. She'd deal with the revelation later. A samurai planned for future battles, but when things were happening - focus on the now like the edge of the sword.

"Revenge," whispered a smirking Sasuke to himself. All the times that Naruto had just stuck out of the way - not having to deal with Sakura's attempts to suggest concubines or offer her attempts to convince him that she was his best choice as a life-partner. He thought it VERY likely that as Naruto had just been revealed as the last of HIS clan - that Naruto would now have to deal with matchmaking problems of his own.

" **In any case, ninja heroes, this is all the time and interference I can spare you. You'll have to deal with events on your own.** "

* * *

A small bird fluttered in through the window, landed on the counter and chirped once.

By the time Mebuki Haruno crossed the room to reach it, the bird had reverted to being an origami structure.

She unfolded it and her eyes scanned the letter quickly. When done, she merely nodded once. The Haruno family was samurai after all. Excessive emotional displays were to be discouraged.

She quietly took the note with her to where her husband was, took a thin mat out from a drawer in a cupboard, and sat in the seiza fashion while waiting for Kizashi Haruno to finish his current task.

"Big order of cinnamon rolls for the Hyuga," said Kizashi, swiping hands together to clear them of flour. "I think Hinata-san had some major successful mission and wants to celebrate. What's wrong?"

Mebuki handed her husband the note, then went back to the same position.

"Let's see. 'Naruto parentage confirmed - Kushina Uzumaki. Mission going well, situation complicated. Will prepare full report for return.' Ah. Well. Interesting."

"'Interesting' he says," said Mebuki in a dry tone of voice.

"Yeah, interesting," said Kizashi. "Well, I'll inform the rest of the clan. Do you want to pen the official complaint to the Hokage's office about us being kept in the dark? You're much better with vitriol than I am."

"I shall endeavor to be polite and without rancor," said Mebuki. "You'd just put in a few jokes and try to keep it light-hearted. As this will be an official clan correspondence I'll try not to interject any personal feelings."

"What about Chie?" asked Kizashi. "If we sent her to apologize to Uzumaki-sama, that might do for an appropriate introduction between the two."

"We'll see," said Mebuki. "They're both twelve, so don't expect too much."

* * *

The Satonaka family was one of the three families brought together under the Haruno banner. It was a recent branch, caused when a samurai-ko of the Haruno family married a Court Investigator of the Fire Daimyo. That had been her grandmother, and while both were dead - some things remained within the Satonaka family.

Such as the Satonaka Style taijutsu.

So she was Chie Satonaka officially. However, as she was of the Clan Haruno, you could also say she was Chie Haruno.

The Haruno Clan was a samurai clan though, so she was quite familiar with the three main weapon styles. Kenjutsu - the Art of the Sword. Archery. Naginata-ryuu - the spear-based fighting techniques. Because they were members of a ninja village, she was also familiar with fairly typical ninja techniques. The disguise technique, illusion-clone, and replacement. As they were samurai who associated with ninja, how to defeat each technique was also covered.

The tomboy was working what they called a "heavy bag" when the summons reached her.

Her reaction to the stated mission wasn't exactly what they had expected.

"Waitaminute," said Chie, shaking her head. "Hold on. You're saying that you want me to introduce myself to Naruto Uzumaki?"

"Is there a problem?" asked Kizashi Haruno.

"So, does this mean that Uzumaki-san is confirmed as being of the main branch?" asked Chie.

"Yes, he is apparently Kushina's son," admitted Kizashi. "However, this is confidential information as the ninja forces have apparently classified all this. We are preparing to petition that his mother's identity be revealed or that we be allowed public association."

"While I like his 'can do this' attitude," said Chie. "I'm eleven and still in the final year of the Academy. Taking time away to associate with an active ninja isn't going to work."

"At this point we're just preparing things," said Kizashi. "This is not a seduction mission."

"Good, cause I'm eleven and he's twelve - and that is just the beginning of problems with that sort of thing," said Chie. "He's currently out on a mission with his team, right?"

"Yes, Team 7 is on a C-Rank mission," said Kizashi. "More than that is classified per standard protocols."

"Hey, it'll give me time to prepare at least," mused Chie. "Even if it's just saying hello, this could get tricky."

* * *

"It only rained near the shrine," noted Sakura as they walked through the mostly-dry landscape with a puddle up ahead in the road.

"Hmmm?" asked Kakashi, his attention apparently completely concerned with the novel in his hands.

"Hey," said Naruto. "Let me try something! Hyoton!"

Wood erupted from the ground ahead of them, becoming a tangle of vines quickly.

"Well, that didn't work," said Naruto, lowering his hands from the hand-sign he'd done.

"What were you trying to do?" asked Sakura as they walked around the knotted vinery.

"I was trying to make a footbridge," said Naruto. "Guess I need practice."

"A fair summation," said Kakashi without apparently looking up from his book. "What about the thorns?"

"Okay, a LOT of practice," grumbled Naruto.

The genin team and client moved on past the puddle and out of sight.

"This sucks," said someone as he emerged from the puddle and began cutting away vines.

"We'll just come up from behind them, ambush, kill the bridgebuilder and bring his head back," said the other chunin. "Just a minor setback."

"Oh, I don't know about that," said Kakashi, moving out from behind a tree.

* * *

Kakashi caught up with his team a moment later.

"Kakashi-sensei?" asked Sakura.

"Hmmm?" asked Kakashi.

"You've got a little blood spatter on your vest," indicated Sakura.

"Ah," said Kakashi, finding the little bit of arterial spray and using a wipe from one of the pockets to remove it.

"So?" asked Sakura. "Bandit?"

"Something like that," said Kakashi. "Tazuna? We'll have to talk about this mission."

"What about it?" asked Tazuna, beginning to sweat.

"Like why are there ninja after your head? Missing-nin in fact. The Demon Brothers of Kiri?" Kakashi seemed almost bored with the situation from the tone in his voice.

"Uhm," hedged Tazuna.

"There were enemy missing-nin? And I didn't get to fight them?" asked Sakura, clearly disappointed.

"The mission is to defend the client from bandits, not fight missing-nin," pointed out Kakashi.

"Well, no," admitted Sakura. "Fighting missing-nin would have been a bonus."

"Samurai," mumbled Sasuke, though he didn't exactly sound disapproving of the concept.

"They were above your level," said Kakashi. "Chunin level, the Demon Brothers from Kiri. Primarily poison specialists."

"Oh," said Sakura, losing some interest at the poison reference. "Did you at least get their weapons?"

"Just a bladed chain," said Kakashi. "I've sent a message to Konoha for a retrieval squad to come get the bodies and such. So, Tazuna, do you want to give us a reason for continuing this mission since you lied about the mission level?"

* * *

Neji Hyuga, of the fabled Hyuga clan, had the usual skills to bring to the table. Usual, if one was a Hyuga and a prodigy.

It was his fate to be an elite, alas though he was of a branch house.

Still, his father had gone out in the manner of a proper samurai. It was said in some parts of Konohagakure that the children of the ninja of Kumogakure checked under their bed in case Hizashi had returned from the grave just to take one more with him.

The Hyuga had their skill with the unarmed combat style, the Jyuken. They had their skill with the sword and spear and bow. ESPECIALLY the bow. Nor did the samurai clan of the Hyuga lack in the arts, for it was well-entrenched that a warrior could not dedicate themselves solely to combat - that there were other skills a true samurai should master as well.

In the case of Neji Hyuga - his combat skills were superior to just about anyone anywhere near his age group. Not only in the samurai arts, but the common ninjutsu and their counters. However, in those noncombat skills - he was a little less accomplished.

His poetry, calligraphy, and sketchings were all technically correct but lacking in some manner that he himself could not directly find.

"The pen and the sword, in accord." Clearly, he was meant to be an elite amongst the Hyuga - but he had yet to find the Art he could direct that would further highlight his status as elite samurai.

"Why did the ninja cross the road? Because there was a chicken!"

"Okay," said Tenten. "Cross 'stand up comedy' off the list."

"Because there was a chicken," repeated Neji, looking for any sign that his team was going to start laughing. There was no such sign.

"Was... the ninja crossing the road to get to the chicken, or away from it?" asked Rock Lee, still trying to work at it.

"How about this one then?" asked Neji. "I once saw an immense herbivore practicing law. Though I'm sure it was ir-elephant."

"No, definitely not 'comedy'," said Tenten. "Have you tried sculpture maybe?"

"Is that a proper art?" asked Neji, thinking he hadn't seen a whole lot of that.

"Worth a try," said Tenten.

"Yosh! I shall bring the biggest boulder I can find! And if I cannot find an immense boulder, I shall fetch TWO smaller ones!" enthused Lee.

* * *

"Flourish!" said Naruto, thrusting a hand towards a sickly-looking tree.

The tree creaked and groaned for a moment.

"Maybe I'm not using enough chakra," grumbled Naruto.

"Or maybe you're not using them right," countered Sasuke.

"Ah, a boat to carry us across to Wave?" asked Sakura. She glanced at Sasuke. "We could each take an oar and see how well we can synch our efforts, Sasuke-kun."

"Motor," pointed out Sasuke.

"But oars would be quieter," suggested Sakura.

"Maybe I could use some water technique to move us, that'd be even better, right?" asked Naruto hopefully.

"Wait a minute, are you a... Haruno?" asked the boatman, taking in the swords and clan-badge.

"Sakura of Clan Haruno," said Sakura, giving an appropriate level bow towards what she supposed was someone assisting them for the sake of the bridgebuilder's cause.

"Temji of, well, last of Clan Suihou," answered the boatman, nervous hands plucking his hat off his head and then beginning to contort it.

Sakura stopped pestering Sasuke in order to visibly think about that. "The flight from Uzushio was well before my time, but I believe that name is familiar from one of the scrolls my family made of their lives prior to that. Wasn't Suihou a clan of traders? Fishermen?"

"Exactly so, Lady Haruno," said Temji, beaming with a smile that had a few gaps in it. "I was just a lad then, mind you."

"I see," said Sakura, pulling as much dignity around herself as a twelve year old girl could. As she was samurai, she managed that fairly well. "We are here to help. We shall do whatever we can."

"Yes'm," said Temji, eyes moist. "I know ye will."

* * *

"The Hokage will see you now," said the chunin at the desk.

The two Haruno entered and took their places before the Hokage's desk, giving bows appropriate for respective stations.

Hiruzen Sarutobi looked over the two stone-faced samurai, noting they were wearing formal robes, had not spoken a word and came to a conclusion very quickly. "Okay. I take it someone stole your sweetrolls?"

"The Hokage remains a master of wit," stated Kizashi.

"Our sweetrolls remain a good seller," stated Mebuki. "Our request for an audience was on a different matter."

"Ah yes," said the Hokage, tapping a scroll on his desk. "If this was any more formal, I'd expect it to hand me a business card. Am I supposed to guess what this is about?"

Kizashi's eyes flicked around the room. "Three?"

"Three ANBU, yes," said the Hokage.

"I am guessing this was classified an S-Rank Secret," stated Kizashi. "Which would explain why we wouldn't be told, though not outright denied on such a thing that was so important to our clan."

"Ah," said the Hokage. "What specifically are we talking about?"

"That Kushina Uzumaki died with an heir," said Mebuki, bowing respectfully if a bit too crisply.

"Oh. THAT S-Class Secret," said Hiruzen Sarutobi. "Though it's not quite that level. Why would you need to know that?"

AUTHOR'S NOTES:

The possibilities with this mucking up the canon timeline are pretty good.

Expect most of Sakura's special techniques to involve drifting sakura petals and other samurai motif. Probably a fair number of naginata and sword based special manuevers.

If Sasuke went the canon route and decided to abandon the village, would a tearful Sakura confront him as he's leaving and so on? Or would it be more likely she'd volunteer to act as kaishaku?

Possibility of her getting severely injured facing Orochimaru, as Sakura is samurai and therefore NOT likely to back down. Maybe a strategic withdrawal while throwing as much damage Orochi's way as she can.

Possibility of things going Sakura-Naruto or Hinata-Naruto with the revelation of clan if Sasuke DOES leave the village. (shrug) Chie is based loosely on Chie from Persona 4, so a taijutsu expert within clan Haruno. 


	18. Shipping Ninja

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> saw a way of doing the tech-Naruto approach, and noted that KanColle was very popular. After some thinking as to how to combine the two, i came up with this. WARNING: this has some very dark bits to it, even though Naruto's universe has a bit of fridge horror in the background normally. If someone takes and runs with this, note that the two civilizations that are off-camera in this should remain off-camera but with the threat of the Enemy trying to communicate with its own civilization and bring them there.

 

 

 

**Another Fistful Of Omake**

by Greylle

DISCLAIMER: Naruto from Kishimoto. KanColle was adapted a bit to fit the idea and setting.  
NOTE: i had an idea regarding the tech-Naruto concept. Also, this is a bit darker than i usually do. Okay, a LOT darker.

Chapter 37: Shipping Ninja (updated 7/26/15)

* * *

"NARUTO! GET THAT BRAT!"

"HAHAHAHA! YOU GUYS COULDN'T CATCH A COLD!"

Iruka Umino stepped out of the late evening shadows from behind a billboard that proclaimed "Ninja Savings And Loans - Our Rates Will Surprise You!"

"WAGHHHH! IRUKA-SENSEI?!" asked Naruto as he was caught by the collar.

"Naruto. Stop this." Iruka glared at his problem student. "If you're going to prank someone be creative at least."

"Huh?" asked Naruto, this being a completely different tack from what he usually got.

"Be creative, tasteful, let the punishment fit the crime," said Iruka. He was aware that his usual lecture hadn't had results and so had thought up this other angle to try. "If you want to be Hokage and get people to respect you some day - then you have to do something WORTHY of respect."

"But I-" Naruto stopped, pointing skyward. "WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!"

"Shooting stars," said Iruka, a little surprised to see so many of them, especially this early in the evening. Sun was just barely down. There were three of the streaks at the same time. "Make a wish before it burns out."

"I wish I was Hokage!"

"You've got to work really hard if you're ever going to even have a CHANCE at being Hokage," said Iruka, lowering Naruto to the roof.

"There's still more stars, should I keep wishing?" asked Naruto.

"More..." Iruka glanced up again, then went to staring. Now there were hundreds of them. Little streaks of light arcing along in their fiery trails. "Huh. Maybe one will land nearby."

"Is that good?" asked Naruto.

"Some of the best chakra metal originates from meteorites," said Iruka, seizing on this as an opportunity to teach. "So they're fairly valuable. As long as it isn't too big a chunk hitting the ground. Those could be nasty."

"How valuable?" asked Naruto, watching the streaks of light.

Iruka didn't know as much about the ten year old's habits as he would later, so made a guess based on what he DID know. "With a decent sized chunk, suitable for making a single sword, you could pay for ramen for a year."

Naruto's eyes expanded as he thought about that, and then narrowed as he tried to track as many of those trails as he could.

Though both he and Iruka couldn't help but notice at least one hitting IN the village.

Naruto figured that one would be gone by the time he got to it. There was one a bit further out he thought he had a chance to get before anyone else did.

* * *

Naruto poked the chunk of metal with a stick.

[Rebooting.]

Naruto blinked, pausing, then poked again.

[Species:Human]  
[Analyzing]  
[Compatible Biosystems]  
[Emergency Procedures Enabled]  
[Host Acquisition In Process]

Naruto managed a startled yelp as metal plates parted, then something flew out and smacked into him!

* * *

"So, Naruto, how can I help you?" asked the Hokage as the ten year old student walked into his office. "I'm very busy here."

"Yeah, uhm, old man - I REALLY got to talk to you. In private."

"We're alone in the room, Naruto," said the Hokage. "Unless my paperwork counts?"

"There are three people in the room right now, ojiisan," said Naruto. "Not counting you and me."

The Hokage blinked. "What makes you think that?"

Naruto held up an arm. An odd device of crystal and metal went from wrist to elbow. "I learned how to make this. It puts out really high pitched sound to look at how things are. You want me to zap 'em?"

The Hokage was still, his eyes flicking at two corners of his office. "I only have TWO ANBU in the office."

Naruto blinked, then pointed at a plant in the corner. "Then who's that guy?"

_THWICK!_ went a kunai as one of the hidden ANBU moved.

_Poof!_ went the potted plant, revealing a third ANBU who was dodging that kunai.

_WHAM!_ went the door (and part of the wall) as the fight went outside.

Naruto blinked and turned to the Hokage. "You want I should sweep for bugs?"

* * *

"So this is called 'Fab-1'?" asked the Hokage after going over his office for additional 'spatial distortions' and 'anomalous energy readings' (though Naruto just explained them as 'something funny here') and a set of further explanations had been made. "It is a device which is linked to a bigger device elsewhere. It allows you to produce small items that you can put together and is teaching you how to do it."

"Right," said Naruto. "So can you do something about this weird thingie? Oh, right. You called it a 'seal' but this is kinda different."

Hiruzen Sarutobi spent a moment completely lost as he noted Naruto pointing to the right side of his head. When it clicked together, he was very careful not to put out any sign of emotional distress in front of Naruto. "Oh. Your device finds a seal there?"

"Yeah, apparently Fabber-san keeps trying to teach me stuff and then this thing keeps... what was I talking about? Oh. Dang that keeps happening."

Hiruzen Sarutobi nodded, made a gesture for Naruto to remain where he was, and walked outside his office for a moment.

A few moments later, the Hokage walked back in, adjusting his robes. "Now. Let's see what we can find."

* * *

"So, this Academy student was killed in the meteor shower? Bring the cart over."

"I'm not ready to go on the cart."

"Yes you are. Injuries can't be treated, be stone cold in another day at most."

"It's a flesh wound."

"Look you, you're missing body parts here and delirious. Hey, I thought I told you to go get the cart."

"I can't take her off. There's specific regulations."

"I've stopped bleeding. Mostly."

"Look, I've got... Hokage-sama?!"

"You two. You're no longer working for Emergency Services. I think Sanitation Engineer Third Class sounds better."

"Oi. We gets to be engineers. Moving up in the world now."

"Right," said the Hokage. "Naruto? You were right. Can you do anything for her with one of those gadgets you were talking about?"

Naruto nodded. "Can I do the mad scientist laugh?"

"I'd really rather you didn't," said the girl before passing out.

* * *

Had the timeline remained intact, she would not have been anywhere near Naruto Uzumaki for the most part. Naruto was currently ten years old. She was older by two whole years and about to graduate the Konoha Ninja Academy.

As it was, Inoichi Yamanaka had a file ready by the time the Hokage had lowered himself into his chair.

"This is all I could put together of the girl in question," said Inoichi.

"Summary?" asked Hiruzen Sarutobi.

"Age twelve, upper mid-range in class, no particular areas of great skill," said Inoichi. "Most likely would have graduated in six months prior to this. Best scores are in taijutsu, scores there are in the upper quarter of class. Worst score is in ninja law."

"Hmmm," indicated the Hokage, flipping the folder open. "Orphan. No family. Lived alone."

"No problems noted in any of the school notes," said Inoichi. "Check of the family background reveals no kekkei genkai. Grandfather was a ninja, Hiroshi Yamamoto died at chunin rank in the Second War."

"Ah, I remember him," said the Hokage. "Short guy. Tended to talk while he was eating. Had an 'explosive shot' fire technique."

"Married a grocer, Yuka 'Yu-yu' Yukira. Died in combat, entire squad wiped out - believed to be Iwa jonin Shigan. Grocery 'Yuyu' was destroyed during the Kyubi attack, parents worked there and were killed at same time. Child survived but scarred in fire."

"I see," said the Hokage with a nod. "Friends?"

"None notable," said Inoichi. "Apparently even though the scars were hidden under clothing - she felt very self-conscious about them."

"Ah," said the Hokage.

* * *

CLASSIFIED - LEVEL 7 CLEARANCE OR HIGHER.

Name: Kongou, spelled with kanji for "Indestructible"  
Real Name: Konstance Yukira  
Status: Konoha Ninja Academy Student  
Clan Status: Orphan, civilian family  
Background: Father originated from Fog Isle, married into Konoha civilian family due to arranged marriage. Nicknamed Kongou due to her ability to survive childhood accident, also because her birth name is unwieldy when using standard alphabet systems.  
Special Skills: high stamina and recovery noted. Upper average skills in taijutsu. Grades in ninjutsu are in lower half of class. Ability to dispel genjutsu is highest in class, ability to use genjutsu tested but average.

At time of acquisition, building owned by subject was completely destroyed. Kongou herself suffered severe injuries, initial medical analysis indicated that she should have died from shock and blood loss even if injuries were not life-threatening.

Genetic analysis indicates possible kekkei genkai related to physical durability or fortitude.

Testing of capabilities of Fab device commenced at 1630 hours. Initial use of device was to build stabilizing life support apparatus. Such was completed by 2130 hours, and in future priority on building a larger device for interface was noted by project manager.

At 2315, rest period initiated. Note was made of severe mental fatigue by operator of Fab device.

0900 hours, activities restarted in improvised operating room within Hokage tower. Medical personnel present were Chunin Yamashiro, Tokubetsu Jonin Morino, and Tokubetsu Jonin Uruhara. Replaced by medic-nin Aoshima, Nanabe, and Beru at 1300 hours.

Replacement of damaged internal organs with biosystem replacements completed at 1350. Reinforcement of skeletal structure began at 1450 with the use of temporary patches that will eventually be absorbed by natural bone structures. Fatigue noted again in operator of Fab device, particularly mental strain. Operations stopped at 1630 to allow for patient and fabricator operator to recover. Suggestion in future is for operator of Fab device to operate device for no longer than four continuous hours before enforced rest period.

* * *

"I could really use a cuppa," said Kongou, trying to focus on the ceiling.

"How do you feel?" asked one of the doctors, an old guy that had to be the Hokage's age.

"Mostly numb, I guess," admitted Kongou. "So, what's next?"

"Continuing to reinforce your existing skeletal structure and connecting tissue, apparently the replacement limbs will otherwise place too great a stress on your body," said the medic-nin. "The eye is apparently very tricky, and will be replaced at the end of repairs."

"You make it sound like I'm a ship being put in drydock," said Kongou.

"In some ways, the process DOES remind me of something along those lines," admitted the medic-nin. "Your father came from Fog Island, is that right?"

"Yes, 'from the land of lemon curd and crumble', as he used to say," admitted Kongou.

"I'll see what I can come up with," said the medic-nin.

"Cream and lemon would be quite nice," said Kongou.

* * *

"Process took two weeks to complete, Hokage-sama," said Doctor Nanabe. "I request that Uzumaki-san be given access to whatever resources are necessary for him to build a larger device for creating larger parts. AFTER he's recovered from his efforts regarding patient Kongou."

"Interesting," said the Hokage. "So, the operation was a success?"

"Yes, though some of her enhancements require further development by Uzumaki-san." Doctor Nanabe nodded to where the girl was exercising in the courtyard. "She's still having trouble adapting, but she understands that permanent replacements have to wait until she's gotten to her full growth. Those, I'm told, will more completely resemble normal human flesh."

"In the meantime she has a chance of continuing and even advancing her ninja career," said the Hokage. "What about the eye?"

"Acts like a normal human eye, except that it apparently gives her some ability to see in very little light," said Doctor Nanabe. The medic-nin shrugged slightly. "We'll see how well this is tolerated. I've heard of Suna puppet-masters who have dabbled in replacement limbs, and apparently there are some cases where the natural body rejects such additions."

* * *

Since the Fabricator Primary Emergency Interface had contacted him, Naruto had been experiencing something he'd NEVER even thought would ever happen.

With the metal bracer woven around his left forearm, it had also put something IN him. Since then, all he had to do was look at something and just THINK a question - and information started appearing in his vision.

If he looked at an object - he could get more information than he could about people. He could find out what it was made of, how it was made, what it was used for, and compare it to other things designed for the same purpose.

With people, he got information of another kind.

The device learned too. What had originally been "stabilized space/time anomaly" was now "fuuinjutsu - sealing type" or "fuuinjutsu - explosive type" and would update itself as other types were explained in front of it.

Naruto observed one thing, learned about it, asked questions, got more answers, and that often led to more questions. This left him seeming to be daydreaming at odd points. It also led him to learning things faster and faster as he adapted to this new style of learning.

When he asked about people, he COULD get information on their bodies.

[Anomaly - physical structures of eye are atypical of human species.]  
[Displaying eye structure.]  
[Highlighting anomalies.]  
[Affirmative - displaying normal human eye structure.]  
[Side by side comparison active.]

"Hey, Sasuke, why does your eye have these structures-"

"Go away, idiot."

[Storing data for later retrieval. Suggesting secondary information source. Displaying physiological data.]

"Hey, Hinata, can I ask you a few questions?"

"Na- Na- Naruto?!"

Well, at least she wasn't blowing him off, figured Naruto.

* * *

Space was big. Really big. You just won't believe how vastly, hugely, mind-boggingly big it is.

That said, it was almost entirely empty.

These two factors meant that it was both incredibly easy and incredibly difficult to hide something in space.

The factory itself was roughly ninety-five kilometers (95km or 59 miles) wide. In length, from the outermost tip of the "hopper" or acquisition aperature to the communications array at the back near the docking port, was two hundred and fifteen kilometers. (215km or 133 miles). In height, it was also roughly ninety-five kilometers - a bit more if the self defense mass drivers were deployed.

In an Oort Cloud, the masses weren't evenly spaced out as there were clumps of planetoids with hugely staggering amounts of space until you could find the next one.

The factory was near a group of four such clumps, which were largely ice. Some was water ice, but there were other compounds (ammonia, methane, carbon monoxide, hydrogen cyanide, etc) there as well - frozen at a temperature so close to absolute zero as to have very little meaning. The smallest planetoid was roughly three times the size of the factory, while the largest was easily twelve times as large.

Powered down, as it was now, it wouldn't be very easy to find the factory. If powered up and running at full capacity, it would show up on several types of scans - none of which involved the human-visible light frequencies.

The factory was largely powered down. Which meant that automated maintenance went on with its usual schedule, the databases were available to authorized users, and the sensors kept an eye out for UNauthorized users or any kind of unpleasant visitors. When such was detected, the usual response was a brief gravimetric twist as the whatever-it-was became stripped down to the molecular level and then reconfigured as blocks of inert material that were dropped onto the planetoid below.

The Fabber was slightly more active since the battle near the fourth planet. Especially as the two ships had vanished with the emergency interface being on one of them.

Lifesigns on the last user had ceased. When the pieces of both ships had fallen to the third planet of the system, having taken a century to drift that way, a new user had been found and recruited. And things continued to get interesting.

The Fabber decided to try and get the User to build interfaces with better sensors.

* * *

"Okay, so - introductions?" asked the jonin.

"How about you, sensei? That way we can see how it's done."

"Fine," said the jonin. "Name's Akira Akiyama, jonin of Konohagakure, also called 'Aye-aye' by some people. I got that name back in the last ninja war fighting Iwa nin. My specialty is long-range rapid-strike ninjutsu. I enjoy gardening and cooking. My goal is to take a genin team to chunin, then retire to reserve status - maybe work in ninjutsu research."

"Ah. So, my turn? My name is Konstance Yukira but I go by the name 'Kongou'! I like tea. I dislike those who judge me for these," said Kongou, lifting her right arm and clenching the fist. "My goal is to protect our village!"

"Dan Hikawa. I like oranges and keeping busy. I dislike lazy people. My goal is to create my own signature jutsu!"

"Fire-based?" asked Akira, sounding slightly interested.

"No," disagreed Dan. "A permanent henge effect. One that doesn't dispel. It should be possible."

"Best for last, eh?" declared the third, easily a head taller than the nearly anorexic Dan or Kongou. "I'm Rei. Rei Uemetsu. I'm runner-up to Rookie Of The Year! My goal is to become a legendary ninja and impress all the ladies!"

Akira considered him before shaking her head. "Not impressed. Okay, you three. Little test tomorrow. We'll see how you go."

* * *

Naruto could have gone with a tiny little button hidden out of the way. The ten year old wanted something more dramatic.

Which was why he had an enormous knife-switch with the handle painted orange. When he threw the switch, it was with a dramatic gesture.

Turbines whirred to life. Blue lights started as sparks and grew to the size of coffee cups. The big hoop in front of the machine threw tiny bolts of lightning along its length.

The Hokage glanced at Naruto. "Can you build a quieter version?"

"Well, yeah," admitted Naruto. "But isn't this cooler?!"

"So how big are the parts you can build with this?" asked the Hokage, watching as Naruto loaded a large sloping bin with a box of bent and broken kunai and other scrap.

"Maximum width and height is the size of that assembly port on the front," said Naruto, dropping the empty box and grabbing the next box of scrap.

"So, about two and a half meters?" asked the Hokage.

"Yup," said Naruto, slowly tipping the box so that parts began feeding into the box in back of the machine. "Two point seven."

"And your device in there takes apart common materials and turns them into other materials?" asked the Hokage.

"Yeah," said Naruto. "Those kunai are mainly low grade steel. There's also glass, paper, other junk. Just about anyone can put the stuff in and it'll automatically put out bars like those."

The Hokage hefted one. "Steel?"

"Yeah. Those are just processed raw materials though. Easier to stack that way. You here about the sentry units?"

"I understand that you wanted to have someone demonstrating various jutsu to you?" asked the Hokage.

"Yeah," said Naruto. "I was talking to Titmouse. She hates that name by the way."

The Hokage blinked. "She mentioned that to you?"

"Nah, I was running some of the sensor devices to check out how they was working," said Naruto. "Picked up on little changes in the fizz-ee-olly-gee. Anyway, there's ways to sneak into the village that they have trouble finding like one for hiding under the ground."

"Underground movement," said the Hokage, giving a slight nod.

"Right, but if I don't know what to look for - I can't build something to look for it," said Naruto. "Hang on. Did I say that right?"

"I get your meaning," said the Hokage drily. "Very well, conditionally improved. Titmouse?"

The slender ANBU in the bird mask appeared.

"I don't think he's gonna punish you for not liking that name," said Naruto abruptly. "It IS a pretty stupid name."

"I'm not the one who comes up with them anyway," said the Hokage. "Titmouse, line up someone who can demonstrate the most likely jutsu used to pass through the village's borders undetected. Leave one specific set open in case of emergency."

"Huh?" asked Naruto, frowning.

"If someone finds a way to turn your devices against us, a means of disabling or bypassing them would become necessary." The Hokage smiled down at Naruto. "It is necessary for a Hokage to think of such things."

"Gotcha," said Naruto, adding it to the things he needed to keep in mind. Always have a sneaky way in.

* * *

The secondary access (Fab-2) required the use of the bracer interface (Fab-1) for more than basic functions. Take materials in, use rotating high-gravity microfields to rip the material apart, centrifuge out the various "pure" materials, form bricks of the purified material - all automated and requiring little or no direction from outside. A genin team could gather trash, seperate out the materials by hand, and then give to a chunin or ANBU who'd dump it into the hopper.

Fab-2 also had a number of sensor systems, both internal and external. Internal would (among other things) keep anyone from chopping up a body and feeding it in, sending the same 'tampering' alert to the T&I bureau for investigation. External monitored the environment for a number of things, including physiological data.

Data went from the Fab-2 to the Fab-1 whenever the two were in range of each other. The Fab-1 sent bursts regularly through a microaperature n-dimensional connection maintained by the big Fabricator (Fab-A) to update information.

Chakra was first detected, then analyzed, then means of more detailed scanning was worked out. The same was true of fuuinjutsu - a means of manipulating space/time that was not within the databanks.

The large Fabricator activated another section of computers normally used for the analysis of materials, dedicating it to working out the basics of this energy and how it was shaped and utilized.

Once some basics were worked out - theories were made. Once there were theories, it was time to test.

* * *

Naruto handed Cat the blade. "Try it."

"Good balance," admitted Cat, whose attempt at the silent approach hadn't lasted very long against Naruto. Especially when the child asked so many questions. She gave a few trial swings, moved to a more clear area and then went through a kata. "A bit longer than I'd like, and single-edged where I use a double-edged blade. Not bad."

"No, try throwing some chakra into it," said Naruto, making it sound as if he thought it was obvious.

"Chakra metal?" asked Cat, looking at the blade closer and then noticing irregularities along the blunt edge or back of the sword. Flowing script? Fuuinjutsu?

_CRACKLE!_

"Odd, I'm not Lightning-natured," noted Cat. The implications dawned as soon as she spoke and her mask whipped around to regard Naruto.

"W-what?" asked Naruto.

* * *

"Forbidden?!" asked Naruto.

"Without close supervision and all notes and results being sealed," appended the Hokage.

"But-"

"If it leaks out we have a way of making such things, the consequences would be extremely unfortunate," said the Hokage.

"But-"

"Do you remember the little plant in my office that wasn't a plant?" asked the Hokage.

Naruto nodded.

"That person was someone who'd been born in Konoha, raised here, made chunin years ago," said the Hokage. "His tongue had a fuuinjutsu on it to keep him from speaking and he died before he could be interrogated. I was most upset that we couldn't get any information about who he was working for or how long he'd been there."

"So any of these ANBU could actually be one of Them then?" asked Naruto nervously.

"I've only had a small number who interact directly with you," said the Hokage. "Those I can completely trust."

"Even Titmouse?" asked Naruto.

"Hachidori," said the former Titmouse, sounding rather pleased behind her mask.

Naruto grinned and gave her a thumb's up before turning back to the Hokage.

"So, you see," said the Hokage, deciding to overlook the moment of indecorum, "try not to do anything that stands out too much."

* * *

The former Titmouse was well pleased. She had been professional enough not to show it, but she had HATED that name. She was sure that it was because she was not exactly developed in the whole "busty kunoichi" department. Which harkened back to times growing up or when she was off-duty and in a public bath. They were NOT mosquito bites or anything of the sort, thank you very much! No matter what that Anko might say when they were in the bath.

She was sure some people stared at her, trying to determine if she was actually a boy. Not her fault she had a thin build.

Hachidori though - "bee bird" or "hummingbird" - THAT was much more acceptable. Sure she was short, not that much taller than the child Naruto. The hachidori was a warrior though and fast. Both things she felt reflected her own skillset. She was a decent chunin of Konoha transferred into ANBU, and her speed was one of her proudest skills.

So, yeah, she was a little fond of the kid now. He'd somehow figured out she wasn't happy with that, and because he'd brought it up - she was no longer stuck with that freaking name!

Besides, he was a bright and cheerful little rugrat. Certainly could grow on you if you gave him half a chance.

Add to that and that the Hokage himself had said that she was one of a handful of ANBU that he trusted implicitly!

Going back to ANBU headquarters, she changed out of her ANBU uniform and to a more civilian garb.

Yes, things were definitely looking up!

Hummingbird paused, frowning and avoided glancing back as she left the building. Someone was following her. The tail had changed, but someone was maintaining the same distance from her as the previous. Was the Hokage keeping track of her? Or had her cover as an ANBU been blown?

She'd just head to that ramen stand and see if they lost interest.

* * *

"Okay, this sucks," said Kongou.

"I've heard of disarming someone, but this is ridiculous," said Dan.

"She disconnected your arms and legs," said Rei. "What the hell are you?"

"I'm a proud gennin of Konohagakure!" declared Kongou. "And the final version won't disconnect that easy - but these do. And that was completely unfair of her to do that."

"What if a foreign-nin did that?" asked the voice of their sensei.

"A foreign-nin shouldn't have the damn disconnect code!" stated Kongou. "Damnit. They're just the first version of those things, I'm trying to get remote controls added. Maybe a self-destruct feature."

"Well," said Rei. "At least it's obvious who should go back to the Academy."

A bell went off.

"Yes," said their sensei. "All three of you."

* * *

"Element gun," said Naruto, pointing it at a target. "Earth."

A rock slammed into the target.

"Water," said Naruto, twisting a knob and then pointing the gun at the same target and pulling the trigger. A large splash of water struck that target.

"Air." The target fell over, cut in half. "Ooooh. That was good. Let's see. Fire."

The bottom half of the target ended up with a large scorch mark on it.

"Still needs work," summed up Naruto.

* * *

"It's not our fault we failed," argued Kongou. "You used the security code to immobilize and then disconnected my bionics!"

"A spy would have done the same thing, and you don't know that there isn't a jutsu out there that could do the same thing," pointed out the jonin.

"But-"

"No, you still fail."

* * *

"Yeah," explained Naruto, holding the gadget up and then slipping it into place over his arm. "It helps protect the Fab interface too. Anyway, I can shoot bullets of each element. So far I've got fire, earth, air, water, and lightning!"

"How powerful are these 'bullets'?" asked Ibiki.

"I can either rapid fire or charge shots," said Naruto. "If I fire rapidly, each bullet only contains a little chakra. If I charge it up though - I can put lots of chakra into it!"

Ibiki nodded. "So what's the most you can do?"

* * *

The Hokage felt it. An ominous chakra. That it started out a faint whisper and had slowly gained in volume and pitch (put in audible terms for something that wasn't actually a sound) until it was nearly painful was the reason he was concerned.

Abruptly there was a roar as a thin white line ascended from a certain building and pierced the clouds.

The Hokage pondered that for a moment before getting his large red stamp with the kanji for 'Classified' on it.

* * *

Some reactions were completely understandable.

"Aw, come on!"

"Uzumaki-san," said Hummingbird, her voice sounding quite amused. "What did you expect to happen?"

Naruto glanced up at the shadowed "perch" she seemed to prefer when she was on "warehouse watching" duty. "Someone to say how awesome it was."

Hummingbird's mask regarded him briefly in complete silence.

"What?" asked Naruto.

"A Hokage has to consider the whole of the village," said Hummingbird, flipping around as she dropped from the perch to an uncluttered section of floor. "Anything that could be used against it is likely to be restricted heavily."

"I put in some security stuff, and it's chakra dependent. If you don't have lots of chakra, it won't charge nearly that much."

"Future Hokage should not pout."

Naruto blinked as he considered the ANBU. "Not pouting!"

Hummingbird was silent.

"I'm not!" indicated Naruto, crossing his arms and looking directly at the ANBU now as if DARING her to say otherwise.

Hummingbird remained silent.

"Am not," grumbled Naruto.

"Perhaps something a little more practical and a little less 'showy'?" suggested Hummingbird after a little while.

"Something subtle?" asked Naruto. "Like the anti-genjutsu tags?"

"Oh?" asked Hummingbird. "How do these work?"

* * *

"These don't blow up, do they?" asked the Hokage.

"No," said Hummingbird, tapping the badge on her own uniform - a stylized hummingbird in flight.

" _Any problems?_ " asked Naruto's voice.

"Just demonstrating," said Hummingbird, tapping an earring. "Yeah. Demonstrating the earring now. I think he's already figured that part out. Because he's the Hokage. I'm taking it off 'silent' mode."

Another tap of the earring.

" _Just let me know when you do that._ "

"Already did," answered Hummingbird.

" _Oh._ " Naruto was silent a moment. " _Did ya tell him about the chakra monitoring and how if it looks like yer in a genjutsu it gives you a little electrical shock?_ "

_Fzzt!_ went the badge.

"I see you did find a way to deal with your inability to dispel genjutsu," said the Hokage with a nod. A faint smile found its way to his face. "What else do they do?"

" _That obvious?_ "

"Yes," said both the Hokage and Hummingbird.

" _Monitor lifesigns and location. Has a 'full silent mode' where that can be shut off, requires a passcode to turn that on. Also has a couple of presets. One is an 'All Unit Response' that basically sets off an alarm and location beacon, and the other is a 'Scramble' that means only the Hokage unit can hear and make sense of the transmission._ "

"That's all?" asked the Hokage.

" _Hey, gotta leave something for the Mark II._ "

* * *

"Try it now," advised a clone of Naruto.

Kongou made a couple of sweeping gestures. "This won't come off?"

"Actually, until you get to full growth, they're all going to be designed to come off," said the clone. "Have to. Otherwise you'd have a kid's arm on an adult body eventually. Had some ideas for the Mark III here."

"Do I want to know what happened to the 'Mark II'?" asked Kongou.

"Hummingbird said that the hot water dispenser was too bulky and an obvious weak point for enemies to target," said Naruto.

"Awww, I was looking forward to that," said Kongou. "Hot tea whenever I wanted it."

"Instant ramen without waiting for the water to boil," agreed Naruto-clone. "Well, I've got something else in development for that. In the meantime there's something on these using fuuinjutsu that should really help out!"

"Can you make them so I call out my attacks or functions?" asked Kongou. "That way if I get a sensei test again, I'd have to say something and he couldn't just do disconnects."

"Yeah, I think I saw a system like that," admitted the clone.

* * *

Both Hiruzen Sarutobi and Ibiki Morino thought of missing-nin as basically falling into three categories. The Criminal, the Unlucky, and the Rogue were one set of terms used. The same grouping could be called the Traitor, the Runner, and the Mercenary.

The first group had betrayed their village and left it, and there was no line they wouldn't cross. Such individuals would only honor a deal as long as it continued to benefit them and there was absolutely no job they wouldn't take if the pay was right.

The Runner or Unlucky was generally not as strong a ninja as either of the other two. Ending up a scapegoat for a stronger ninja or politician, they generally tried to stay under everyone's notice - taking on a civilian identity and disguise somewhere out of the way. There were other circumstances, mostly being in the wrong place and the wrong time, but it was generally not something to fall into the other two categories. There were a few of these from Kiri, escapees from the bloodline purges there - so there were a few of those that Konoha and Kumo ninjas kept an eye out for. They might not be powerful ninja but any bloodline ability might eventually produce something useful. Not all clans, after all, could have something like the believed-vanished Tatsumori clan's ability to harden their skin. Some, like the Hyouni kekkei genkai which simply seemed to be large hairy feet and short stature, were completely useless for ninja work.

Then there were the mercenaries - the most commonly encountered missing-nin other than bandits or Kiri pirates. These all had SOME line they wouldn't cross. If there was a contract involved, they'd stick to it. Mostly. Some wouldn't attack civilians, some would stick to their contract even when it was clearly not in their favor, some still had some loyalty towards their home village and wouldn't actively betray it. Some worked towards an agenda. Some could be hired "off record" to do little jobs, and who kept quiet about it because otherwise they wouldn't get future little jobs. Some of these were bounty hunters on one end of the scale, and on the lesser side of that scale were the paid informants.

Some ninja, as ninja were normally inclined to do, crossed lines.

Shima Nakayama was a Runner primarily. He had been a genin of Kiri under the name Daibou when the mission had gone VERY wrong and the mission details had been compromised. His squad had been declared missing-nin with his village disavowing that there was a mission in Fire Country completely.

Shima had gone to ground, taking a wife and child in a minor village to the South of Konohagakure. There he had worked for five years as a shipbuilder's apprentice. Jiraiya had found him out, and for continued looking-the-other-way had become part of Jiraiya's spy network. Shima eventually went on to become a full Master Shipbuilder, with his own docks and facility, but was still a very small fish outside his home village.

So he was a Runner, and a Mercenary. Just one of many informants and spies that Jiraiya "touched bases" with regularly.

That Shima was now here indicated something very unusual was going on that he thought had best be brought to Jiraiya's attention immediately. He had two passcodes to present in such cases, one being an elaborate fuuinjutsu in a copy of "Icha Icha Paradise" that just LOOKED like a personal autograph from the author unless someone had the right hand-seal sequence.

After Shima had passed the message on, Ibiki and his Hokage went outside the room, dispelled their disguise jutsu, and considered the former genin's story.

"What do you think?" asked the Hokage.

"Nervous, probably suspects who I am, has no clue about your identity," said Ibiki. "He's not loyal to Konoha or Fire Country, except that that's where his family is. Whatever has been causing the attacks on ships and local businesses - it has him worried. The tales of monsters and demon ships he is less certain of. He's being honest with us, as much as any missing-nin is likely to be."

"So why did you want me to hear this?" asked the Hokage.

"The timing," said Ibiki. "The attacks started two weeks after the night of meteors. Do you suppose that someone has something similar to the Fabber?"

"That could be worrisome," admitted the Hokage. "I'll have to dispatch an ANBU to investigate."

* * *

The main fabrication device processed information at a higher rate now that the workshop had two larger devices, with a set of machines being constructed that would be specific for ancillary functions. More information gathered meant more details to analyze and more patterns to uncover.

Chakra patterns, kekkei genkai, and fuuinjutsu were all new areas of information and therefore of great interest to the ancient machine.

Taijutsu was less interesting, primarily because there were similar things on record. Differences and similarities were noted, catalogued, and filed for later reference.

The primary remote access and operator's health were deemed primary concerns. Operator's stated goal was to become a leader of his people, to protect and assist his people in a geopolitical environment vaguely similar to a Warring States period reference in the historical archives.

Fortunately, there were designs on file. Testing of some of the systems was already underway.

* * *

Naruto looked over his workshop and was satisfied. He knew his device and his new gadgetry jutsu was gonna prove his awesomeness.

Hummingbird settled into place nearby in a crouch, her cloak briefly billowed out.

"Yo! Your turn again?" asked Naruto.

"Actually, no," said Hummingbird behind her ANBU mask. "I am to accompany two other ANBU on a mission outside the village. I should return before your graduation however."

"That long?" asked Naruto, frowning. "You wanna field test some stuff then?"

Hummingbird considered that for a moment. "There may be time. They'd have to be small and concealable devices. What sort of devices are they?"

* * *

"What do you want, Danzo?" asked Hiruzen Sarutobi.

"I know something is going on with that child, and I think it would be best if you confided in someone about it," said Danzo.

" _Warning. Chakra manipulation detected, initial analysis is genjutsu type._ "

Hearing that from the earbud, the Hokage gave absolutely no outward sign. "Oh?"

" _Analyzing._ "

"Yes, old friend," said Danzo. "These material purchases going towards that odd workshop for example."

"New armor material," said the Hokage, not looking up from a report on such in front of him. "Two thin metal plates sandwiching a structure like a honeycomb, taking up the same amount of space but lighter and stronger than what they currently have."

"Oh?" asked Danzo.

" _Passive scan of chakra patterns indicates minor persistent genjutsu. Unable to further analyze without active scanning equipment. Do you wish to dispel the genjutsu?_ "

"Yes," said the Hokage to both. He twitched a little involuntarily at the sharp jolt coming from the badge. Immediately though, he felt slightly sharper as if he'd been slightly dizzy and it had now passed.

"Might I see this?" asked Danzo. "It might have other uses."

"All in good time," said the Hokage, thinking some better scanning equipment might be a good investment. "First set is undergoing a field test now."

As for Danzo trying to influence him, well, that was something to note and deal with when he had more information about it. Best to not reveal that particular card just yet.

* * *

"That's not standard issue," noted Badger.

"Field testing new equipment," indicated Hummingbird.

"As long as it doesn't slow you down," said Badger. "Chameleon?"

"Hm?" indicated Chameleon, apparently staring at Hummingbird's slight visual differences in equipment.

"Stop staring at Hummingbird," said Badger. "I'm aware of Hummingbird's activity in a special program. I'm senior on this mission. Codename for mission is Three-One-Six. Go down, find out what's happening, dispatch a message back to the Hokage and await further orders."

"Understood," said Hummingbird as Chameleon nodded.

"Then let's go," said Badger, deciding that Chameleon was taking the damn silent-ANBU thing a bit too far. "In the future, unless under silent ops conditions - respond verbally. Let's get going, best speed."

* * *

"Another ship missing?" asked Gatou. "Where was it?"

"Same general area as the first two," said the officer. "They were all using the route from Coast City to Shore Town, east of Wave."

"Three ships missing," said Gatou. "Could be pirates. Could be some competitor. Same sort of thing I suppose. Put out the word not to use that route in the meantime. Less efficient but if they go from Coast City to Wave to Shore Town, they can avoid that. And step up the acquisition of businesses in Wave. We need to take over a bit earlier to cut some of those costs."

* * *

Kongou let out a deep breath. Time to prepare for back to the Academy. Another year. Maybe she wasn't actually cut out to be a ninja after all though.

* * *

.Specimens Acquired.  
.Injured Lifeforms - 4.  
.Medical Bay - Inoperable.  
.Medical Database - Unavailable.  
.Switching To Repair Bay.  
.Repairs Begun - Estimated Time: 48 klin.  
.Upgrades Mapped.  
.Deceased Lifeforms - 12.  
.Analyzing Deceased Lifeforms.  
.Vehicle Types Primitive - Tech Level 4.  
.Resistance To Acquisition Noted.  
.Planetary Surface Scan 47% Complete.  
.Acquisition Of Resources Priority.  
.Work Units Deployed.

* * *

Hummingbird sped along behind Badger and near Chameleon.

The altered mask contained a few odds and ends. Every so often she'd see a speed indicator pop up.

The various gadgets that Naruto had provided weren't too much as far as weight was concerned. At her belt on the right hip was a box, on her left a collapsed shape that looked like a discus. Left forearm protector had a couple of extra rods. A single rod showed on the right forearm protector.

Then there was her mask with the wider eye-holes though the glass covering them was oddly silvered when someone tried to look through them.

Then there was the communications equipment, the vaguely bird-like shape on the back of her armor, though that had to be deployed specially. Something about the way the ground curved at long distances.

Hummingbird was also aware of Chameleon sneaking glances at her. She was pretty sure it wasn't the usual 'boy ogling a girl because he'd been on duty for way too long' sort of thing.

What it was - she had no idea. Other than it was irritating.

* * *

Kongou sighed. She had two months. Two freaking months before classes at the Academy started again.

"This sucks. This really sucks," said Kongou to the sky. "This sucks worse than an industrial vaccuum cleaner."

Neither the sky, the street, or the dog crossing the street commented on it. Though the dog did at least stop and consider her before continuing his journey.

_Crap. Does this mean they're going to take away my forehead protector? Damn. Well, it at least gives me time to change the material - maybe a nice yellow. Two months. What the hell am I going to do for two months? Training by myself?_

Kongou clenched a fist, looking over the little joints and lines.

_No. First thing. Go bug Naruto and get upgrades so some idiot instructor can't de-limb me with a couple of hand-seals!_

Kongou nodded to herself. _The whole test had been about teamwork, that prick of an instructor said that. Getting new limbs won't help that if I end up with another pair of jerks on the team. But I can't do a damn thing about who I end up teamed with... or can I?_

Kongou smiled before setting off. She had a plan now.

* * *

It had no idea what it had been once. Knowledge of its past was simply gone. It didn't matter though. What once was - was no longer of concern.

If it came down to it, it thought of itself as part of the fleet. Nomenclature: Iroha, alias Abyssal Fleet, To-Class Light Cruiser #3.

Continuing mission: Secure perimeter. Intruders were to be subdued. Organic life forms were grouped into survivors and material assets.

Material assets were to go to Point Beta. Survivors would be used for the fashioning of new units at Point Alpha.

Young and/or female were more easily adaptable to new roles and so those were the priority choice for non-terminal attacks.

To-Class Light Cruiser #3 received a ping from Ho-Class Light Cruiser #4. Human-controlled vessel entering perimeter. Initial scan indicated that no human units were of specified preference parameters.

To-Class LC#3 pinged back an acknowledgement and that it was plotting an intercept at best speed. Full armament and completely repaired from last sortie.

H-Class LC#4 acknowledged, and reported the human vessel had changed course twice now. It had somehow detected H-Class LC#4 and was attempting to evade, despite H-Class LC#4 being outside previously established human observation limits.

There were brief pings and acknowledgements from the other cruisers in the vicinity.

This would need to be investigated.

It took a few long minutes for T-LC#3 to reach the vessel and paint it with sonar.

The Ho-Class had deployed an airborne sensor of Recon-class and this gave more data. Vehicle was simple wind-driven three-mast type, with secondary engine utilizing primitive petrochemical feed to produce heat. Interior area containing several stores of useful metals. Forty six human units aboard. All male and of mature age.

T-LC#3 ascended to surface in deployed mode and fired off both air drones to record data from multiple viewpoints. If target vessel was breaking established pattern despite lack of structural difference from previous vehicles then difference must lie with human units or available equipment.

Five torpedoes were fired. Two aimed to bracket target. Three to strike amidships. Vessel reacted prior to impact, but speed of vessel was insufficient to counter.

There. Human unit was using unknown manner of controlling water in immediate vicinity. Viscosity of water near vessel was increased in a straight line, easily determined by continuing sonar scans. Torpedo explosions along line dispelled effect.

Priority of capturing human unit to determine nature of manipulation was flagged as high.

All units had remained at surface depth after arrival, they were light cruiser designates after all and unable to remain at depth for extended periods unlike those designated as submersibles. It was only for deployment purposes that they could travel underwater and then not for great periods of time. Necessary considering base was established on ocean floor.

Secondary base not yet established. Something on the surface was necessary.

The two six-inch rapid-fire cannon on T-LC#3's upper surface began discharging, target being the masts. Being composed of cellulose fiber, they were quickly shattered. T-LC#3 felt a brief stirring of pride as it had an exceptionally precise aim even among its brethren.

This tactic had been successful in the past, as the masts and sails now openly impeded the vessel's operations.

Attacks from multiple sides were effective. Three units now identified as water-manipulators, with an additional human unit throwing bursts of fire at the circling drones.

Attacking from all sides allowed for destruction of target vessel. Subduing priority targets and harvest could then be initiated.

* * *

Shinju had been a genin for four years now, having survived the Kirigakure Academy and gone on to manage to survive her team.

Kiri was not exactly a friendly-ninja sort of place. One had to be tough, able to roll with the punches, and be able to completely suppress any personal preferences or concerns for the mission.

She'd killed children not old enough to walk. She'd had to be a pirate at times, and to fight pirates at others. She'd had to sleep with a client on one mission, and then cut his throat and frame him for drug running and tax evasion in order to destroy his reputation because a business rival had scraped together enough money for it to be a mission.

She was fourteen years old, and she had a strong feeling she would not make it to fifteen at this point.

Her specialties were genjutsu and the spear, with the usual smattering of water-based techniques that Kiri specialized in. She went through three dispels before declaring for her team's benefit. "It's not a genjutsu!"

"I really wish it was," answered her newest genin team-mate, Shinji. He'd only been with them for two weeks and this was SUPPOSED to be a fairly simple C-Rank mission for him to get acquainted with such. Other than a couple of basic water release techniques, all he had was some latent bloodline for something called berserkerganger. Not much good here.

She fingered her sole treasure, a good luck charm her mostly-forgotten mother had given her over a decade ago, before fitting it back into the wrist-pouch she kept a kunai "suicide blade" in.

"Be ready to abandon ship - get breathers ready," said their jonin - Misano of the Burning Blade. Old, experienced, and usually calm. That calm was shaken, it coming across in his voice.

"LOOK OUT! IT'S-"

Shinju didn't spare a glance for her second team-mate, Yuichi. One of those odd bursts of hyper-accelerated metal from one of the Things attacking them had just cut through the mast he had been using for cover.

She knew without looking that he was dead. There had been enough sailors hit by that stuff to know what happened when a human body intercepted them.

Shinju put the breather on, turned, and ran for the opposite side of the vessel. Yeah, sometimes a failed mission was a death sentence in Kirigakure. On the other hand, if Kiri had to face those things - better that there be some advance warning.

"RUNNING AWAY!" yelled Shinji, somehow three steps ahead of her and leaping over the rail. "OH -"

Shinju blinked and then stopped at the railing to see what Shinji had begun cursing at.

They were surrounded.

A spherical monstrosity was closest and it was-

Pain. Blackness.

* * *

The damage to the ship was extensive, and repairs under current conditions was impossible. It might be possible to repair some of the major structures, if there was a drydock available. Full repairs would require a full repair dock at a starbase dedicated to such things.

There was a hole in the hull one could drive a small tug through. Also several craters, blast holes, and chunks that were missing.

The repair bay was being used to put together upgraded worker units from available materials. Currently there were seventeen "worker/manipulators" with five Ho-Class and six To-Class Light Cruisers. Additionally there were three Ka-Class submarines at present and one Wa-Class Transport.

One of the recent acquisitions was female despite initial reports of all-male and inferior specimens. Subdued and processed, she would be upgraded. One element user had terminated during capture procedures and was being used as reference while others were undergoing research to determine nature of difference from the non-element-manipulators.

Research ongoing.

* * *

"So you want better limbs without that safety feature?" asked Naruto. Or a clone. It was hard to tell sometimes.

"Right," said Kongou.

"Huh. How about we try this," said Naruto. "It's kind of an experiment."

"That's somewhat concerning," answered Kongou.

"I call it 'Mister Fusion Chainsaw'!" declared Naruto, sending the little bladed chain spinning at high speeds.

"Loud!" indicated Kongou.

"What?!" asked Naruto over the sound.

"I SAID IT'S LOUD!" yelled Kongou.

"IT'S A MARK I!" yelled Naruto.

"TURN IT OFF!" yelled back Kongou, waiting for the noise to abate before continuing. "Why even HAVE something like that?"

"It'll go through a tree in seconds without chakra use," said Naruto.

"And with chakra use - a sword will do the same thing without all the racket," said Kongou. "Look - in two months I'll be back in the Academy and taking some remedial courses. At the end of next year I'll have another chance to get in a team."

"Cool! Maybe we'll be in the same team!" declared Naruto.

"Maybe. Don't count on it," said Kongou. Though it WOULD be nice to have someone who could do field repairs on missions.

"Well, I've got something else which might be cool," said Naruto. "Anyway. Dig THIS!"

_KA-CHUNK!_

"What are those?" asked Kongou.

"Guns!" answered Naruto. "Big Guns! They'll use a fuuinjutsu inside your arms to manifest and then fire off shots to devastate your enemies. With BIG explosions!"

"What if I don't want big explosions?" asked Kongou. "What if I just want to hit a single target?"

Naruto was silent for a moment. "Selective rounds maybe? Hmmmm."

"Come up with something before next graduation, would you?" asked Kongou.

* * *

The three of them stopped at the edge of the water, out of sight of the town.

"Just a moment," said Hummingbird, releasing a catch on her armor and taking the odd backpack off. She touched a segment on it, then let it go.

Wings extended out and the device made an odd humming noise as it took off, flying up into the air until it was invisible.

"Go go gadgetphone. Hummingbird reporting. Hokage-sama, are you there?" asked Hummingbird.

"Ah, Hummingbird," said the Hokage's voice. "Good. This seems to be working correctly. Status?"

"Arrived at shoreline approx two clicks from target city. Will commence next phase operation immediately." Hummingbird glanced up briefly.

"No changes in orders. Proceed," said the Hokage's voice.

"No changes in orders, aye. Proceeding. End transmission and drone return," said Hummingbird.

"So... with this we can get updates on intel back to Konoha and someone can coordinate without using Yamanaka techniques?" asked Badger. He eyed the returning 'bird' thing. "Handy."

"Yes," said Hummingbird as the drone was clicked back into the backpack mount. "Visual transmission still has a few bugs."

Chameleon was quiet but studied the backpack for an extra few seconds.

* * *

She was [file erased] of [file erased] of what?

She was Heavy Cruiser, Ri-Class, #1. First of her line, upgraded to meet needs of support where Light Cruiser types were endangered by element manipulation units of enemy.

Yes. That was right. There was contentment in having her place and knowing it.

* * *

Hummingbird unsealed the scroll and set the resulting box out on the deck of the ship as soon as the ship's captain had declared they were on the edge of the trouble zone.

"More field testing?" asked Badger.

"Exactly," said Hummingbird. The box was opened and six metal hummingbirds were lifted out and carefully set to the side. "This being a scouting mission - this might be useful. The inventor comes up with the activation phrases by the way. Keep in mind his age. Go go gadget drones."

The metal hummingbirds spread their wings and took off at high speeds, spreading out as they did. Except for one which puffed out smoke and fell to the deck.

"And that would be why it's called field  testing," noted Hummingbird.

"Right," said Badger. "Chameleon, make sure the crew remain away from where we're working. Bird, I take it that mask lets you see what they're seeing?"

"Yes sir, once one of them sends back a 'object spotted' sequence," said Hummingbird. "I'll have to use the backpack drone as a relay once they're at a great distance. Line of sight thing."

"Operational time?" asked Badger.

"Looks like four hours before they start running out of power," answered Hummingbird. "If I find ships in the area and can land one atop a mast - add another couple of hours I think. I'm still reading the technical data."

"Good enough, let me know when you've got something," said Badger, moving off slightly to let his subordinate work.

* * *

"Chakra-tech?" asked the Hokage, looking over the odd armor that Naruto was wearing.

"Yeah, I pump in chakra and it powers things up," said Naruto. He reached up and clanged the faceplate into place. An odd circular plate in the chest lit up with a white glow. "For example."

The Hokage watched as Naruto hovered above the ground. "Flight. Good. Useful."

"I also incorporated something to kinda duplicate that Byakugan thingie that Hinata's got," said Naruto from within his armor. "So I can see all around me. Also I got Water and Lightning arrays so I can fire off Lightning chakra bolts that flow like Water. I was gonna call it Lightning Beams, but apparently there's a similar system on file called Repulsor Beams. So I'm going with that."

"Not bad," admitted the Hokage. "You'll need more than that though."

"Oh, I'm working on it. Believe it!" Naruto pumped a fist, causing something to extrude out of a forearm. "Oh. Hang on. That isn't even hooked up yet."

"As long as you're working on it," said the Hokage.

"Yeah, I'm tapping into that OTHER chakra source for this, so it can't be used by just anyone," said Naruto. "Really need lots of chakra to pull this off."

"As long as it is just something you can use, and only you, that is somewhat less of a general problem," agreed the Hokage. He peered off into the depths of the warehouse. "THAT, on the other hand, does not appear to be nearly so easily dismissed."

* * *

"Hokage-sama," said Ibiki Morino. "I looked at it. I see your concern."

"Do you?" asked Hiruzen Sarutobi.

"I had to have several things explained to me," said Ibiki. "Apparently the ignition system is VERY particular. I myself was deemed 'not worthy' apparently. I tentatively approved of it as a 'proof of concept' but only as a side project where he adds bits in order to test them at some unspecified future date."

"Which never arrives," noted the Hokage.

"He is now eleven years old," noted Ibiki. "Many children want big weapons at that age."

"It's a giant humanoid machine apparently intended to defend Konoha from Tailed Beasts or giant summons," said Hiruzen Sarutobi. "How often does THAT happen?"

"It won't even fit any of the doorways, and his lab is directly above it," said Ibiki. "Now, about his armor."

"Not very practical," admitted the Hokage.

"No, but this is," said Ibiki, standing up and holding up a pen. Abruptly he was wearing ANBU armor.

"What?" asked Hiruzen Sarutobi.

Ibiki removed the mask. "Fuuinjutsu on the armor, and on cloth under normal clothing. The pen activates it - and then the armor replaces the clothing. Range is limited though."

"You see a use for it?" asked the Hokage.

"Oh yes," said Ibiki. "A henge can be detected or dispelled. This could be much harder to detect unless you knew what to look for."

* * *

"Targets located," said Hummingbird. "Three merchant ships. I've landed one bird on the rear ship and am returning the others in case I can use them later."

"Anything nearby?" asked Badger.

"Nothing on radar," said Hummingbird. "There's some odd interference though. Off that way."

Badger noted the direction and then went off to find the Captain and ask what was out in that direction.

The Captain glanced at that and his compass and finally found a map. "We should be here, so that should be... Water Country and Hidden Mist actually but we're a long way away from there."

"Good," said Badger. "How long till we reach your destination?"

"It's a port city in the Land Of Noodles. Be about three days." The Captain looked up from the map. "Problems?"

"We'll give you warning if there is, so you'll be the second to know," promised Badger.

* * *

The ships were medium-sized tradeships of a generic sort. Nothing in particular to be of interest. If anyone were to look them over, they'd see that all three were owned by the Kono Corporation by the pennants flying. As the Kono Corporation specialized in fabrics - mainly cotton from one area and wool from another - they weren't a particularly high profile target. Not that this would protect them from pirates if there were no other prey involved.

The little bird sent a signal. _Contact acquired._

* * *

Captain Sadako Sasaki was a company woman. She'd joined the company at the age of fifteen, impersonated a boy in order to join a ship's crew at that time.

When she'd been discovered, the ship had been well underway. By the time the ship had arrived at the next port she'd already proven herself more capable than the three actual boys who'd joined at the same time.

The captain of that ship had admired her courage, her eagerness to learn, and had gone ahead and let her work. If she stuck it out, all well and good. If she quit, that was just as well.

She had stuck it out. This was her forty-third year working ships, and the fifty-eight year old hadn't thought anything of continuing to work this field. She'd made captain through hard work, being able to handle herself with fist or cutlass, and being able to negotiate and haggle like she'd been born to it. Which, actually, she had been.

"Sir, something odd to port."

Sadako nodded and lifted her spyglass to better look. "What the heck IS that?"

"No clue sir," said Seaman Riiko. "First thought was whales or maybe the Giant Shark. Lookout says they're approaching real fast. At least twice our speed and moving against the wind."

"Send signals all ships. Prepare for hostiles," said Sadako. "If they're pirates we may be able to talk our way out of it. If it's something else, I need to know what."

* * *

Badger looked down at the small screen. "What is this?"

"Basic information," said Hummingbird. "I sent the backpack drone up - we'll get more information when it gets to the right height."

"So - three merchant ships here," said Badger, indicating the three green triangles. He next indicated the red squares, triangles, and circles. "And those are?"

One of the green triangles faded out.

"Those are what are making the ships vanish," said Hummingbird, aware that Chameleon was now watching the screen instead of the crew. It wasn't really her place to complain was it?

* * *

Abyssal Fleet sortie in progress.  
2 of 5 Ho-Class Light Cruiser  
1 of 6 To-Class Light Cruiser  
1 of 3 Ka-Class submarines  
Remainder of vessels on patrol or in group #2 preparing for assault on port city detected.

Target: 3 Enemy Vessels entering kill zone.  
Beginning acquisition of resources.

* * *

Images appeared on the screen but Badger wasn't too sure what he was looking at.

"The small shapes are drones, launched by one of those black ships." Hummingbird was getting much more information through her mask. "Each explosion from one is roughly five standard explosive tags worth. Those fish shapes in the water are the same thing and roughly the same power level."

"Why use both?" asked Badger.

"Not sure," said Hummingbird. "Those black ships are using non-chakra projectiles. Metal. Those are roughly twenty-five standard explosive tags when they hit."

"No wonder the ships vanish so quickly, without active ninja protecting them they wouldn't stand a chance," said Badger. "The point of view is changing?"

"The bird's moving to higher altitude and trying to get a better look at those black ships," said Hummingbird. "Looks like three types."

"The screen just went black, does that mean what I think it means?" asked Badger.

"They spotted the bird and took it out, yeah," said Hummingbird. "Recalling the backpack drone now. Suggest we head back to port and relay this back to Konoha."

* * *

Acquisition complete.

Damage to Ho-Class light cruiser - 5%  
Acquired: assorted metals, wood, cloth, assorted materials  
Acquired: four cores suitable for ship development  
Acquired: twelve cores unsuitable for ship development but can be salvaged for use as minor cores after major rebuild  
Construction: Land-based units prepared. Minor cores will be integrated within framework.  
Construction: Six Air-based unit frameworks designed. Construction awaiting material acquisition. No cores currently found as suitable.  
Determination: Suitable surface base found. Attack and acquisition to commence in 3d 4h 15m after core processing complete on units that will be committed to attack.

New Units in construction process:

Chi-Class Torpedo Cruiser - 2. 2d 4h to launch.  
Ri-Class Heavy Cruiser - 1. 4d 11h to launch.  
Harbour Princess -1. 3d 6h to launch. Will be ready to install once land base acquired.

Secondary targets acquired, pending success against enemy forces in coastal population center.

Working...

* * *

Pain.

The world was pain.

"I am Captain Sadako Sasaki," stated the Captain. "We are a peaceful civilian trade company. I demand to see the person in charge."

No answer. No indication that the dull gray and black skeletal figures even heard her.

She tried tugging against her restraints, only rewarded by flares of additional pain at the points where metal pierced her flesh.

She couldn't even move her head with the vice in place.

"DAMN YOU!"

No reaction. Metal arms extended from the walls continued to do things she could barely see.

The pain was incredible. She'd once been captured by pirates, one of whom had been a Kirigakure ninja. She'd been tortured then. Nails pulled, teeth removed, flesh pierced. She'd held out for hours until the brief cessation of pain and the anticipation of the next round had broken her. Not that it did the pirates any good because they didn't actually have any treasures. The captain who'd seen her potential had died, as had most of the crew. She'd survived though and been back out at sea a year later.

This brought back memories of that torture. Again - they didn't have any treasure. From what she'd seen they had discarded the ships and cargo as useless, whatever these attackers were.

She saw the drill then, unfolding on an extendible arm. A long metal spike rotating with a distinctive noise.

It went out of her field of vision, then came around to the side and she could hear it approaching her head.

Sadako closed her eyes, briefly wondering what her captors actually wanted and when they were going to start asking questions.

* * *

"So you were dropped from the ninja program due to injuries?" asked Naruto.

"You did a good job with Kongou, so I thought maybe... kuma" The woman was young. Perhaps seventeen years old.

"What happened?" asked Naruto.

"Chunin exam in Kiri two years ago," answered the woman. "One of the genin from Kiri had a lightning technique that allowed him to sever limbs. I lost my right arm fighting him and he took my right leg to demonstrate to the rest of my team and get them to surrender their keys. Kuma."

Ibiki Morino stirred from where he'd been quietly observing things. "The second part of that Chunin Exams had each genin being given a key. Each team had to get through the Marsh Of Unending Despair and to the Tower Of Resolution in the center. In the trap-filled tower there were doors that could only be opened by one of the six keys available. Try to open a door with the wrong key and a trap would go off. That chunin exam was notable in that the second exam only had three surviving genin teams."

"Yeah, we weren't exactly the only casualties in that one, kuma," said Kuma.

"I think I can adapt some of Kongou's replacement limbs," admitted Naruto, the device on his arm flickering blue light as it accessed information.

* * *

Kuma tested her arm briefly, then clutched her new hand a few times as she watched the metal parts sliding over each other.

"You'll want to wear coverings, keep the parts cleaner," said Naruto.

_Ka-Chik!_ went the arm, a small device coming out of the forearm and lighting up.

"Kuma! Light cruiser class Kuma is good to go, kuma?"

"Yeah, once you're used to the new limbs we can get the safeties taken off," said the shadow clone of Naruto.

"Kuma can't wait to try, kuma!"

* * *

The island was the fourth largest island of the Land Of Water, had three lakes, and had the single busiest port. Among all the islands, it was the richest and second most populated.

As it had so much trade, with strangers coming and going all the time, it was an area that chunin from Kirigakure were often assigned to keep track of as much of that traffic as possible. At any point, there would be anywhere from fifty to a hundred Kiri ninja at any point.

Other than that, Silverport was as wretched hive of scum and villainy as could be found within the Land Of Water. Large transient population, wealth changing hands, and deals both shady and legal kept things that way.

It seemed chaotic on the surface, but those used to the place knew it well enough to see the patterns. Those same people would see when the patterns were broken.

"Madame LaRousch?" asked one of her regular patrons. "You're closing up?"

"Flee, child, there's still hope for you," said the old gypsy woman.

"Wha-?" asked the housewife, used to being referred to as a 'child' from her neighbor. LaRousch  was old enough she likely remembered the Warring States Era.

"It's coming, gathering forces," said the old woman. "Insects. A swarm that will devour the city and all within it. Flee overland, do not take a ship."

"I can't do that," protested the housewife.

"I know, child. I needed to warn you anyway," said the old woman. "Pietro. Magnus. Wanda. We are packed?"

One of the old woman's grandchildren stepped forward. "Packed and ready."

"The only route we don't get stopped at is the East Gate. By the time we get there, the minders will have other concerns," said the old woman. "After that, our chances are roughly fifty-fifty. Help me into the wagon."

The housewife watched them leave, then slowly turned and regarded the sign on the window. Magda had been there since the city had been built. She'd been selling herbs and reading fortunes for decades. Palmistry, speaking with the dead, various other methods of trying to see the future.

Finally the housewife shook her head. Insects? Devouring the city? The old woman had finally cracked. Sad, but there was no way anything like that could happen.

* * *

[Rally point - 22km from port.]  
[Four vessels seized in process]  
[of assembling strike force.]

[Current Strike Force:]  
[2 Ka-Class submarines]  
[4 To-Class light cruisers]  
[4 Ho-Class light cruisers]  
[1 Chi-Class torpedo cruiser]  
[1 Ri-Class heavy cruiser]  
[2 Wa-Class transport]  
[1 Harbor Princess Core]  
[15 T1-Class hunter-killers]  
[7 T70-Class hunter-killers]  
[4 T7T-Class heavy weapon units]  
[15 Acquisition drones]  
[4 Ta&$*Ba%%]

[Error - Bad Sector Found]  
[Marking Sector as unusable]

[Sortie Objectives:]  
[Surround target location.]  
[Pacify or eliminate hostiles.]  
[Install Harbor Princess Core.]  
[Restructure and fortify location.]

[Commencing operation.]

* * *

The Hokage nodded as the team finished their report. "Very well. Dismissed. Hummingbird, I want you to give Ibiki's office a more thorough field evaluation of your equipment. Include any suggestions for further development of existing equipment as well as what extra equipment you think would be useful."

"Will do, sir."

After the team had left, the Hokage shifted. "What do you think, Kakashi?"

As he'd been addressed by his name and not his ANBU identity, Kakashi hesitated before removing his mask. "Honestly? Being able to record details and play back area scans in a tactical display? Actual three-dimensional recordings of events for review? This has the potential for so much abuse, but also so much potential for strengthening our position."

"Agreed," said the Hokage. "I want you to take a genin team soon, but in the meantime - I want you to be present during a council meeting coming up tomorrow."

"You're going to reveal this to the council?" asked Kakashi.

"Some details are going to be out there anyway," said the Hokage. "I won't put all my cards on the table, but if there is a new enemy gathering strength we will need more than one point of view. I also can't be everywhere at once - not as young as I used to be by a long shot. So some details and some of the mission findings will be revealed. I'll need you to use your Sharingan at times. I will also be meeting Hiashi Hyuga as he'll be present. I need both of you to keep an eye on Danzo. If what I suspect is true, I may have to deal with a problem inside the village as well."

"You have an idea of what's going on then," noted Kakashi.

"I will try to confirm this a bit before I go further," said the Hokage aloud.

* * *

[Analysis of data commencing.]  
[Targets observed are of previously]  
[unencountered type.]  
[Vehicles are cyborgs of at least]  
[Fong-level sophistication. Nanite]  
[reservoirs located on two of the]  
[observed attackers.]

[Acquisition of sample will allow]  
[for better analysis.]

The Hokage sat back, regarding Naruto and the various displays in the lab. Behind him, Ibiki and Inoichi Yamanaka stood and looked alert. Four ANBU lounged visibly in the background.

"This technology is similar but different from your own then?" asked the Hokage.

[High probability that enemy AI]  
[survived re-entry and is responsible]  
[for technology displayed. However,]  
[neither tactics nor designs are those]  
[previously used by enemy.]

Ibiki stirred and then spoke when the Hokage gave a hand signal to go ahead. "We call that the 'modus operandi' - so what would be your enemy's normal operations?"

[Term: modus operandi entered into]  
[linguistic database. Normal enemy]  
[tactics would involve greater subtlety]  
[and infiltration of population centers.]

"Who exactly IS this enemy?" asked Inoichi.

[Unknown. Enemy has only been encountered]  
[under hostile conditions. It is possible]  
[there is more information but classified]  
[at higher levels.]

"Fab-san is basically support personnel," pointed out Naruto. "He's designed to take apart raw materials and build stuff. So, it could be he just never got that kinda info."

[Male pronoun technically incorrect. Also]  
[believe statements already given.]

"Yes, but it was a lot clearer when Naruto said it," pointed out Inoichi.

"Yet you have a great deal of information about weaponry," pointed out the Hokage.

[Military database has not been updated to]  
[most recent specifications. Last update]  
[was by encrypted burst from courier ship]  
[ _Ricercar_ twenty-five years prior]  
[to today. Database itself was a century]  
[older. Other databases were current as ]  
[of that time. Guard ship _Umbral Storm_ ]  
[engaged enemy vessel one hundred three years]  
[prior to today in orbit of planet four of]  
[this system. Due to drift and orbital]  
[mechanics, debris field came down on]  
[planet three last year.]

"The meteor shower," confirmed the Hokage.

[Affirmative.]

"Why didn't you share this information earlier?" asked Ibiki.

[Possibility exists of enemy establishing]  
[a 'Foothold' situation where an advance]  
[base is developed for military occupation]  
[of this planet. Need to know established.]

"Oh, that does NOT sound good," summed up Inoichi.

* * *

The system was damaged but splices and bypasses fixed most of the basics.

The remains of the ship _Abyss Explorer_ was now simply _Abyss_ and its units were therefore Abyssals. It was able to process all the various telemetries and tactical displays and decided on a course of action based on that.

First, cut off the area to be attacked. The sea routes were blocked off by the submarines and torpedo cruiser. Land routes were cut off by drones launched from the light cruisers but this was more haphazard as the Abyss had not had the resources or data to properly work out that angle. This would change once the port city was acquired.

Heavy and light cruisers led the assault, with the transports closing in after the initial wave of attacks on the docks and shore area. A landing point was quickly established and became an area where the ships could properly retreat to for repair and rearming.

The Harbor Princess would be established within four hours and estimates were that the entire area would be pacified within forty eight hours.

* * *

They had just finished sitting down when the Hokage came in, flanked by four ANBU. Which, of course, meant there were already at least another four hidden nearby - even the few civilians present knew that much.

"This is a briefing on a situation that is still developing," said the Hokage as he moved towards the podium. "Keep your questions until the end. I don't know how much of this you already know but I want rumors quashed and all of you to keep the details as S-Class to A-Class secrets. Some of it, I'm sure, has already gotten out and some of it will be necessarily leaked later as the situation worsens."

"Is it Iwa then? War?" asked a civilian. He bowed towards the Hokage. "Sorry. Just I've heard some things."

"Naruto? Bring the holoprojector," said the Hokage.

Naruto Uzumaki faded into view, carrying a large device that looked as if a large donut was mechanically hooked up to a pair of boxes of the same black metal. He placed it in the center of the room, between the Hokage and the various seated representitives.

Now standing behind the podium, the Hokage swept his eyes over the assembly. "You are here because you are heads of the most important or powerful clans of Konohagakure like Hiashi Hyuga, or you are highly ranked within the village like Danzo Shimura, or you are civilians in charge of businesses that will be impacted in the near future. Projector on. Display image of solar system."

A glowing blue image formed in midair over the device showing a central star and several planets moving in orbits around it.

"The fourth planet is a barren wasteland, yet over it a battle was fought. Display estimated scene and indicate scale."

An image of the room they were in appeared and shrank to the size of the sort of saucer normally used to sip sake. Next to it appeared a shape that nearly filled the room lengthwise. It was almost entirely composed of straight lines.

[Display is of ship _Umbral Storm_ \- type]  
[is guard ship. Design is primarily for long]  
[term picket duty, typically four year missions]  
[at remote locations. Per procedures, until]  
[permanent space presence is maintained by native]  
[sentients - contact with natives is forbidden]  
[save in case of emergency.]

The scene shifted, now showing the Umbral Storm in orbit over a planet and approaching another ship. This one was almost entirely curved lines. At some point in their mutual approach, each began throwing shots and missiles at the other.

[Battle ended with both ships destroyed. While many]  
[sections fell to planet four surface, some of the]  
[remainder became a meteor shower when their path]  
[crossed the path of the third planet.]

"That's us, for those of you who don't know," said the Hokage. "Naruto here found a device in one of those meteors, a device which has been educating him and building various devices such as those guard pillars that now encircle our village. The device is called 'Fab-1' and it has determined that an enemy device is now somewhere near Kiri."

"And so we have an arms race? Who can explore this new resource the first?" mused Hiashi.

"Not quite," said the Hokage. "Display battle footage from Hummingbird's mission."

There was silence as they watched three sailing ships assaulted and brought down. A moment after the images came to an abrupt end, a previous scene was brought back up and then a section selected and expanded upon.

It was a human teenage girl, if you could get past the glowing eyes and machine parts sticking into her flesh and skin that went from unnaturally pale white to completely black along various sections.

"The enemy has technology similar to what Naruto has, and no compunction about its use. It acquires humans and uses them as raw material to make weapons. Why it kills some and transforms others - we do not currently know. We DO know that it is aggressive and expanding its territory. We can also make a reasonable guess as to what Kiri's response will be."

"And our part?" asked Danzo.

"All operatives in that area should pull out now," said the Hokage. "We cannot get involved. Yet. What we CAN do is to observe from a distance to see exactly how much of a problem this is going to be."

Danzo seemed to be thoughtful about something.

"Which brings me to the next order of business. Naruto." The Hokage nodded at the child.

"If anyone has clan members who are retired due to injuries, specifically lost limbs," said Naruto. "I have an experimental program going, strictly volunteer. The Hokage has given permission for Stage Two testing."

* * *

"Silverport has fallen," said the chunin, writing things out on a scroll.

"We can still fight back," protested one of the genin.

"We will, but the important thing now is to get this intel back to the village," the chunin as he finished and began sealing the scroll. "Shihosu. You're the fastest one here. Take this and go to the village. Tell the gate that this needs to go to the Kage's office priority Alpha Five. Passcode is 'The deepest waters harbor the greatest currents.'"

"Got it," said the girl, glancing back at the plumes of smoke rising in the distance.

"Then go. Stop for nothing." The chunin watched the kunoichi race off before turning his own attention in the direction of the city.

"What about us?" said one of the other genin.

"We gather information about these enemies however we can," said the chunin. "I saw Mizurenge - one of the toughest bastards in the jonin corps literally ripped apart by some sort of metal hurling jutsu used by one of those flying things. Nearest I can figure is that they're something like Sunagakure's Puppet Corps, but I've never heard of flying puppets and I don't see any ninja manipulating the things."

"So Suna's behind this?" asked the genin.

"Nein? Can you slap your brother when he asks something stupid like that? I got better things to do," said the chunin.

_WHACKUM!_

"OW! What's that for?"

"You bein' an idjit, Fein. Just keep an eye peeled and recover chakra now. We fighting later."

* * *

"Madam LaRousch?"

"Wanda. We're just family here. No need to use my business name."

"Gramma Makushimofu. Where are we going?"

"North and east for a bit. We're going to meet some of the rebels. Then we're heading towards the Land Of Fire. It's the safest location right now."

"We'll be safe there, Gramma?"

"Yes, Wanda," lied the matriarch. "We'll be safe there."

* * *

added 9/11/15

* * *

Hiruzen Sarutobi sat back and let the arguments wash over him. It was pretty much going per expectations.

Heads of clans important or considered among the "nobility" of Konoha were the clans of Hyuga, Aburame, Akimichi, and Uchiha. Though the Uchiha were reduced to one member who was not present due to age. Hiashi representing the Hyuga clan, currently the largest clan as far as numbers went. Choza representing the Akimichi clan, currently the wealthiest of the clans. The Aburame clan represented by Shibi - whose insect colonies required a sizable piece of land. There were also several of the "lesser" clans represented. Tsume of the Inuzuka, Shikaku of the Nara, and Inoichi of the Yamanaka.

Danzo Shimura, Homura Mitokado, and Koharu Utatane were present for this and learning SOME of this for the first time. Of course, he wasn't going to say a darn thing about Danzo attempting to snare him in a minor genjutsu or that he had a defense against such things. Give the man some more rope first.

There were also the four civilians present - present because they represented interests that WOULD definitely be affected by things going on in Water Country. Hiroshi Ito was a major shipping/trading conglomerate's representitive in Konoha. Though there was some indication he worked with Danzo, and perhaps dabbled a bit in black market items, he was included because he would prove useful.

Naoko Matsui, of the Fire Daimyo's court. Rarely attended any such discussions as anything specifically ninja-related was outside her area of expertise. Though nearly his own age, and not able to use chakra at all, her mind was still sharp and she was quite well-versed on a number of subjects. He could see that she was making notes for later analysis.

Toka Higari - the young lady from Kyrbi Pharmaceuticals. As the Nara dominated the local-ingredients part of the pharmaceutical market so did Kyrbi dominate the acquisition of more distantly attained ingredients. There was another reason for her inclusion, and she was staring at where her left hand ended in a stump.

Keijin Okuda. The old man acquired metal and other goods through a network of suppliers to resell in Konoha. A former genin who'd been in the Second Ninja War and had survived, but with damaged chakra coils that had required his retirement afterwards. He would have to rearrange supply lines as the situation shifted.

Every reaction was pretty much what he had expected. Danzo, Homura, and Koharu were discussing ways to capitalize on Kiri's misfortune.

"What about our own ports?" asked Hiroshi Ito.

"Standard procedure in major towns is to have a chunin assigned infiltration to keep an eye on things and report back," said Koharu. She'd actually performed that duty herself in between the First and Second War, fading into the background as a seller of perfumes and similar items as she kept track of comings and goings in a different port.

"I'm authorizing a second chunin, assigned as liason to local police in such areas, to operate openly. Messenger hawks will be used for communication as we keep the near-instant form of reporting secret. ANBU will perform sweeps and have the transceiver to alert others if they encounter something noteworthy."

The meeting went on, with the various objections and points and counter-points being made.

The only surprise was Danzo. Who hadn't pressed for any details on various secrets. In fact, if anything, he seemed oddly pleased with the refusal to share the full breadth of information.

Which might mean that he'd put a mole into the organization somewhere.

* * *

Fires were allowed to burn through areas that were not deemed necessary.

The Harbor Princess Core had been installed and was currently at 63% complete.

Raw materials had been acquired. While most of the lifeforms proved to be unacceptable for making ships out of - other uses were available.

Control-skins were a suitable means of fast-converting units. The material covering the units bonded with the skin and formed a tight layer. Additional layers and parts could then be added as necessary. This would allow for fast repurposing of native sophont materials into something useful. Eventually the units could be further upgraded as materials and time and new designs allowed.

* * *

"Get DOWN!" commanded the chunin before he stomped on the ground and raised an Earth Wall in front of him.

The missile curved up over the wall and exploded, sending little balls of black everywhere.

Fein said something thoroughly unprofessional that managed to sum up the situation as the chunin tried to escape the death trap and was pierced instead.

Fein and Nein, twin genin of Kirigakure, went back-to-back with kunai raised as their chunin squad leader was ripped apart by some nightmare mantis-creature.

"Okay, we've been in worse situations," said Fein, the older male twin.

"When?" asked Nein, the female twin.

"Reminds me of Bukaris," said Fein.

"You and I apparently remember Bukaris quite differently," responded Nein. "It hasn't attacked us yet?"

"No, it's just standing there, now it's kinda vomiting up some blackish-purple junk. Looks kinda oily." Fein took a deep breath. "Fire Release: Flame Jet!"

Nein put her kunai back in a holster, freeing her hand for jutsu use. "Did it work?"

"No," said Fein. "The black junk just split down the middle and is coming towards us."

"I think moving would be a good idea," said Nein.

"Yeah - maybe you're... SON OF A-!"

Nein leapt back, getting a good look at her brother Fein getting covered by a layer of oily black whatever-that-was. It seemed to flow over skin and under clothes. Then the clothing fell away and the black formless statue stood there for a moment.

Nein noted the clothes looked as if they'd been sliced off. "Fein? Are you there?"

The hands shifted shape to become more like large kunai grafted to the ends of his hands.

"Guess that's a no," said Nein, not waiting for the attack. She leapt to the side and started trying to avoid whatever that thing had done to her brother.

* * *

Shihosu was the fastest on her genin team. In fact, she was the fastest genin in Kirigakure if you were counting movement speed as compared to striking speed. It had taken her nearly two minutes to get to her "groove" where she was at her best long-distance speed, but that was mainly because she had been trying to be evasive.

When she'd attended the Academy and gotten through the fights at the end - she had wanted to do courier missions more than anything else. Taijutsu and ninjutsu hadn't been her strong points. Kenjutsu she was okay with but certainly didn't stand out.

Once she'd covered five miles from Silverport, she switched to straight-out running. Time was of the essence at this point. She conserved her chakra for that, only using shunshin when she had to avoid boats or other obstacles.

====NOTES====  
The ship girls (Kongou and Kuma) come from Kancolle (Kantai Collection) as does their enemy, for the most part. Just tweaked a bit to have some logical background and fit into the setting.


	19. Under A Graveyard Sky

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A "Black Tide Rising" crossover, because i don't see that. Like, ever.

 

 

 

**Another Fistful Of Omake**

by Greylle

DISCLAIMER: Naruto from Kishimoto. The other source, well, you'll see.  
NOTE: a crossover i've never seen, which was enough for me to at least initially explore it.

Chapter 38: Under A Graveyard Sky (updated 7/29/15)

* * *

Toltiir was a god of mischief, and an Elder at that. He normally didn't use much power at all, pinching a bit of himself off in order to do something in that limited universe with all those interesting lifeforms.

He didn't bother with the fiddly bits himself. He made a machine to do all the boring stuff.

So when he specified that Naruto Uzumaki find a book on fuuinjutsu, it could go all sorts of ways that he couldn't predict without looking at the entire timeline from outside. Sort of like reading the ending of a book. Not that he wouldn't do that, but it certainly wasn't a habit of his.

Naruto attempted to write out a fuuinjutsu that looked wrong to him. Sakura saw Sasuke looking interested and so tried to take Naruto's book in order to get Sasuke to pay more attention to her. Naruto resisted, mainly because he didn't want Sasuke getting it. Sakura punched. A drop of Naruto's blood bridged a gap he'd deliberately left to keep the thing from activating. The fuuinjutsu array ripped a hole in space/time that took three members of Team 7 and a girl who was nearby checking on one of those members.

On seeing where the four genin ended up, Toltiir was tempted to do an intercession right there but decided against it. Perhaps this could end up amusing, though the setting was definitely NOT amusing.

* * *

The airship was something a rich man had come up with as a toy, to be used in advertising or just to indicate how truly wealthy he was.

It had been abandoned after a trial flight and mostly forgotten about.

Then had come the H7D3 virus. The White House, the CDC, most news agencies had all said the same thing :"Don't Panic."

As a result, nobody at the manor had panicked.

The old gardener/mechanic had readied the largely-forgotten airship though, just in case.

Omar Gutierrez took pride in his job and his work. It paid fairly well and allowed him to engage various artistic talents. He'd never been good enough to make a living as an artist on a national level or something like that, but decorative scrollwork or lettering on a fence? Decorating the walls of a kid's room? Yeah, he could do a pretty spiffy job.

When the kid he'd seen as a baby come home for the first time eight years ago had turned - it had nearly broken his heart. That the parents had gotten bitten while trying to restrain him was immediately noted.

Omar had vanished for a bit, and by the time the boss he'd worked for had gone from parent-of-zombie to zombie himself, Omar had launched the little airship and escaped.

There had been some rattling in the hold for awhile. There were little cameras everywhere so he'd planned to go down and tie down those crates of supplies. He'd just never gotten around to it.

From the estate to a small private airfield down the coast. Remote, fenced, and equipped for resupplying the ship at least. Watch the situation on television, and make plans.

One week. One week for the situation to go to "don't panic" to an undeniable Zombie Apocalypse. For all that the Infected weren't undead, a running and howling cannibal savage who had ZERO chance of overcoming the virus - Zombie In Behavior Only was just shortened to 'zombie' because why bother?

For some reason, even when everyone with a lick of sense was trying to get AWAY from major population centers, some people were still heading into the city.

In Omar's opinion, the stupidest were the looters. Dude, zombie apocalypse! Stealing a 48" plasma TV was NOT a particularly intelligent move. Stealing a TRUCKLOAD of them was also not bright. Stealing a truckload of TVs and electronics and then getting stuck on a bridge with your stolen truck and trying to fight off a zombie horde with a FREAKING HANDGUN went beyond plain idiocy into what Omar had decided to call 'Truly Inspired Idiocy' before the news cameras had pulled away.

You couldn't loot camping equipment, tools, and other such supplies. They'd already been cleaned out of everyplace that had them. Except one.

He'd been maintaining his distance and checking roads, because THAT right there was a Wal-Mart Distribution Center in Sparks Nevada.

No obvious zombies, check. Water available, none nearby.

Problems were the distance from his base. That a little way from the center there was an algae-thick waterway and "pond" or water area. Still no zombies showing. A few dead bodies that were out - and that they weren't torn apart was hopeful.

He had many things he considered himself skilled in. Firing a gun was not one of them. He flinched at loud noises. Going in and checking out the warehouse was NOT going to be easy.

He was still debating what to do about it when he saw stowaways on his ship.

* * *

"Where ARE we?" asked Naruto, staring out the window.

"This is some sort of ship?" asked Sasuke. It was just that the idea of a flying ship was so weird that it required some serious mental rebooting to take it in.

"We're in the air?!" asked Naruto.

"I take it you three are not infected?"

Naruto blinked and looked around.

Sasuke frowned and put away the kunai he had automatically drawn.

"Uhm, 'infected'?" asked Sakura.

The odd voice spoke again. "I don't suppose you are with a pocket of survivors I could hook up with?"

"'Survivors'?" asked Sakura, being quite able to put the term 'infected' with the term 'survivors' and come up with a pretty alarming picture.

Sasuke looked towards the little metal grille and the speaker, figuring the microphone was likely there as well. "We are not 'infected' and I'd rather stay that way."

The voice had a faint tinge of amusement when he replied. "I heartily endorse that philosophy. We'll be passing over the city, then heading out to the airfield. Unless you have some particular base to head to?"

"No. That sounds as good as any," said Sasuke.

"I see him," whispered Hinata.

Sasuke made a quick hand-gesture.

The voice spoke again a moment later. "I've got some water I'll put outside your door. Don't try to make contact with me, and I'll avoid you. The CDC was saying that the incubation for the virus is six hours. So in eight hours, if none of us turn - we can speak then."

Sasuke leaned against the wall. "Hinata?"

"He's done something to the controls, he's away from the communicator," stated Hinata.

"Thoughts?" asked Sasuke. He had his own plan, but he wanted to hear everyone else's.

"Too far to jump," said Naruto. "Might as well wait till he lands this thing."

Sasuke considered that. Idiot had a point. He certainly had never flown this sort of vehicle before.

"We're protected by most diseases by chakra reinforcement, but I AM familiar with some diseases," said Sakura. "The Academy didn't really go into a lot of details though."

"So you're saying?" asked Sasuke, a slight irritation in his voice as Sakura had apparently brought that up just to sound ingratiating but not actually give any useful information.

"We should maybe be okay, I think?" asked Sakura.

Sasuke snorted. "Okay. We let him land this ship. Then we see about getting information."

"Who died and elected you boss?" asked Naruto.

"If you have a better idea, tell me," said Sasuke. "Do you know how to fly this? I don't. Second. Look out the window."

They were flying over a small town at this point.

Hinata clicked on her Byakugan, got a good look, then went over to a wastebasket and tried to throw up despite not having anything in her stomach to actually throw up.

* * *

The rack of outdated magazines were there for passengers, though the four youths didn't know HOW outdated they were.

Sakura was silent, frowning as she went through magazine after magazine.

Sasuke and Hinata went after Sakura, each passing a magazine they'd finished to the next one.

Naruto glanced at them, but spent almost all his time looking out the window.

True to his word, there was a set of sealed plastic bottles filled with water right outside the door after a few minutes.

The rest of the trip was mainly silent until they'd finally set down on a large flat tarmac in what was apparently a large flat desert.

One of those speaker/camera combinations spoke up. "If you guys will remain on the ship, the incubation period will be over shortly. We don't get much channels but there's a radio and TV I left in the cargo area. I have to refuel the ship, set electrical connections and such. Bathroom's a chemical toilet and yeah, there's an arrvee hookup I rigged for that. Just hang tight."

The individual was visible briefly, going past their window three times - usually carrying something.

Sakura was the first to find the television and switch it on. Most of the channels just showed static, but they finally found one that started answering questions.

* * *

They'd watched the videos. News footage that had accumulated over the past week and that the single remaining television station was putting out in a taped loop that was broken only by a blue screen on which was text indicating that further footage would be added when new developments would occur.

It hadn't been updated in three days.

All four of the ninja ignored all the parts of the videos that made little or no sense to them.

The ninja saw the fall of one of the local major cities, a tide of the Infected swarming like ants and attacking positions - trying to climb up over each other to reach the humans.

The keening wail that proclaimed the Infected having a distinct lack of humanity left in them. Yeah, that was something that would haunt a few nightmares.

"Okay," said Sakura after they'd watched the video once all the way through and everyone had been silent for awhile. "Let's see if I've got this."

Silence with both Naruto and Sasuke nodding. Hinata nodded a few moments later.

"Someone did this," said Sakura. "Someone spread this one virus which was spread through the air. Piggybacked onto that virus was another virus. A large number of people die from the first virus, but a lot of people survive that and then they have the second virus in them. That second virus builds in the spine and brain, after about five hours the first symptoms develop. When it gets to a point, that person starts trying to eat other people. If they bite someone, that second person gets the disease and it is a lot faster at that point. Possibly because there's more virus getting into the body."

Several nods at that much.

"At this point, it's been a month or so since the first case," said Sakura. "A week since their disease-control agency declared the emergency. Three days since their major population centers started falling. There are still places holding out, but they're collapsing."

"We need to get the hell OFF of this world," stated Naruto. "This is a freaking screw up. You saw that city we passed over? That's EVERYWHERE."

Nobody argued either point.

Sasuke was silent for a moment before bringing up the obvious question. "How? How do we get back?"

"How do we know we haven't already been exposed?" asked Sakura. "Five hour incubation period according to those guys, but the first virus apparently has a week before symptoms develop. We can't take this back home."

Hinata flashed her dojutsu briefly. "That pilot person is over in that building, reading some books."

"We're stuck here for now," said Sakura. "Let's see what more we can get as far as information."

* * *

The airfield was remote, fenced, and had a few supplies - mainly for aircraft to refuel and resupply when avoiding the big airports with the heavier traffic.

That said, the supplies here weren't all that great in either quality or amount and a week of one person living here had put a dent in some of those supplies.

The target picked out, a place called Sparks Nevada and a warehouse in that town, was detailed.

"Thing is, it's a 'distribution center' - which means that they might have nothing useful there or it could have LOTS of useful stuff," said Omar Gutierrez, the aged Hispanic tapping the map printout he'd made before the internet had cut out.

Not far from a major population center which had apparently fallen to the Infected called Reno. Far enough, and desert enough, that the Infected weren't likely to migrate there.

"It ain't defensible, which means we can't just move in," said Omar. "Fence is down right here where a truck ran through it. Too many doors. Couldn't get low enough without landing the blimp to see how many doors are open. Power grid's off in the vicinity so unless there's a generator - some doors won't close easy."

"You've thought about this," noted Sakura.

"Lots of time to think," said Omar.

"What's with all these books?" asked Naruto. "'Pest Control for Organic Gardening'?"

"Some people raided sporting goods stores," said Omar. "I raided the library. Got a garden started behind the offices."

Hinata held up a book titled "A Field Guide To Medicinal Plants and Herbs" so the others could read the title.

"I can see why," said Sakura, noting that she had some reading material to go through. She felt this was her strength - she DID get the best scores in the Academy. She flipped through one titled "SAS Survival Handbook" and made an interested noise as she came across "The Encyclopedia of Country Living" and tapped it thoughtfully. "This?"

Omar shrugged. "The airfield is good for now, but what about later? Gotta think about that. Maybe someplace remote - never worked a farm but you can't live off cans forever."

"You were ready for something like this?" asked Sasuke.

"Hell no," answered Omar. "Didn't even watch zombie movies prior to this crap going down. Then I started reading LOTS of this stuff after the CDC announcement. When the people in charge tell you everything's under control and not to panic - THAT, my young friends, is when you should start marking where the exits are."

* * *

It had been one week and now one day since the CDC announcement. New York had fallen - there were pictures from a concert in Central Park where things had come crashing down.

Now things had gone from bad to worse to some category Omar wasn't quite sure where to put it. Other than some Spanish words that were very very impolite that he wasn't inclined to use in front of such young kids.

So: one typical California-child with blond hair and blue eyes. Weird that he had whisker-marks on his face but - California. Loud and complained a lot. Nothing special there.

Pink-haired girl but nowadays you saw a lot worse. Professional dye job though, so rich family? Seemed the academic type. Probably honor student.

Black-haired boy, had a sort-of Eurasian look. Seemed to brood a lot, not talk much. Might be in shock or saw his family go zombie. That'd sure scar a kid that young.

He'd at first thought the Asian-looking girl was Korean-American and blind from the way her eyes looked. Not contacts though and not blind. Really good eyesight in fact. One of the shy types maybe. Tended to let others do the talking. When she did have something to say, she tended to stutter and act all self-conscious.

They called themselves ninja. Whatever got them through a zombie apocalypse though was probably good. Worry about correcting them later. May have to show them some ninja movies so they'd at least dress the part.

"Loud noises and light attract them. So we'll avoid those. I know you guys have those little knife-things. The blood and saliva are main ways to get the virus, so we don't want to use little knives." Omar held up the device and noticed not one of them seemed to know what it was. "I saw where National Guard had a truck out and they got overrun. IF they had used their guns they wouldn't have gotten overrun nearly so easy. Do any of you know what this is?"

"A gun?" asked the blond kid.

"Come on. NONE of you have seen any action movies?" Omar asked. Sure, some families were pretty rabid anti-gun types but these were twelve year old kids!

"Uhm, no, we haven't," said Sasuke. "What is it?"

Omar shook his head. "Okay. We're going to have to go over what I managed to loot from that truck. One item at a time. I have LOUSY aim. You need a steady arm and be able not to flinch. My hands aren't as steady as they used to be and I tend to flinch. You do not want to be anywhere near a target if I have to shoot something. I got the basics. Who has the steadiest aim?"

The Eurasian boy stepped forward. "If that's a weapon, let me try."

"Okay. THIS is a gun. I looked it up. This is what is called an 'M4 Carbine' and don't ask me what 'carbine' means. Internet is down and I can't look up details. What I do know is that this is the selector here. You can fire a burst of three shots or one at a time. This is a really important switch. It is called a 'safety' - you do NOT flick this switch until you are damn sure the gun is not pointed at something you don't want broken."

"A kunai is simpler," said Sasuke.

"Wait till I'm done, try it, then tell me about your throwing knives," instructed Omar.

He went over each detail, how to eject and load the magazine, but allowed there were a lot of details he did NOT know about the gun. Prior to this, he hadn't really thought about the subject that much. Now, of course, it was a survival skill.

Sasuke was contemptuous of the device up until he sighted the target and followed the directions. Then put a hole in the target. Then put a burst into the target.

"Damn. You do have good aim," muttered Omar.

"That can was metal and the shot penetrated it," noted Sasuke. "What happens to a human body that gets hit?"

"They tend to fall down and stay down," explained Omar. "As long as you hit something vital. If I can find a manual for the thing you can read that."

"I want to try it!" declared the California kid.

"Okay, let's each of you try," said Omar. "One shot, one burst. Don't have too much ammo so no more than that."

* * *

"Never ever again," said Sakura.

"I heard you the first time," complained Naruto.

"NEVER," restated Sakura.

"I can't believe he shot the jeep. It was way over THERE," said Omar, still twitching. "It wasn't even CLOSE to the target."

"It's not my fault!" declared Naruto. "The gun thing twitched!"

"I agree with 'Sakura' there," said Omar. "You don't get the gun. Any gun. Unless we manage to take control of a gun shop with a shooting range and we get your control down."

"But-"

"You're not even getting a water pistol at this rate."

"But-"

"NO!"

* * *

"Where?" asked Sasuke.

"Asleep, his room, locked," said Hinata.

"Hn," indicated Sasuke. "So. Do we go along?"

Sakura let out a deep breath. "We might as well. I don't think anyplace on this world is really safe. This guy has a plan that gets equipment and supplies. Both of which we need if we're stuck here for awhile."

"I don't want to just leave the guy, he doesn't seem like a bad sort but this is kinda a BAD situation," understated Naruto.

"We could strike out on our own," said Sasuke. He paused then continued. "But I agree. This plan seems largely reasonable. He views us like we were civilian children but he also isn't insisting we stay somewhere safe. He's made the offer to try and keep us out of combat but he's also reasonable enough to realize he can't do everything himself."

"And he's nearly a bad a shot as Naruto," said Sakura.

"That too, but he's a lot better at fixing machines than any of us," said Sasuke. "A useful skill in this environment."

"So - an assault on this distribution center," said Sakura.

"I can use shadow clones to scout," said Naruto, forming three copies of himself. "They're solid so they can open doors and stuff, and if they get bit they'll just go poof - no zombie clones to worry about."

Sasuke, Sakura, and Hinata all began to smile at the concept.

"My range with the Byakugan isn't very good, but I think I could see the zombies as well," said Hinata. "Though it's strange..."

"What's strange?" asked Sakura.

"He doesn't have chakra," said Hinata, pointing in the direction of their host. "He has physical energy and some spiritual energy but they're very low. They don't mix to form chakra though."

"Civilian, though you'd think he'd at least have low levels of chakra," mused Sakura.

* * *

"To anyone listening. We are under siege and need food and medical supplies. Please respond."

"They keep repeating that," said Naruto, pointing at the radio.

"Huh," said Omar, sitting down and then reaching for the controls. He hesitated for a moment before hitting the big red button on the microphone. "Roger that. Understood. Presence of infected? Over."

"Thank goodness someone's still out there. No Infected inside. Heavy presence of Infected outside. We shot a few from the roof. Unfortunately that drew heavy Infected presence in the area. Too heavy to just break out ourselves."

"Roof access?" asked Omar. "Over."

"Roger roof access but unable to roof-hop as surrounding buildings distant, over."

"Roger that. Hold on, I have to discuss this with other survivors, over," said Omar before setting the microphone down and regarding the four kids.

"What?" asked Naruto.

"There's a risk involved," said Omar. "They MAY have an infected and not know about it. There is ALWAYS the possibility of mechanical failure and we have to abandon the blimp. Since this puts you guys at risk too - I'm asking for your vote."

"They need rescue, so we should," said Naruto.

Sakura fidgeted for a moment after everyone started looking at her. "Uhm. What do YOU think, Sasuke?"

"Determine what skills they have, what equipment they can bring, and condition of the survivors." Sasuke held up the gun he'd taken a liking to. "If nothing else, I can get some practice in."

Hinata fidgeted like Sakura for a moment before she spoke. "R-rescue."

Omar nodded and turned back to the radio, picking up the microphone and keying it again. "Will attempt pickup. Be ready for rooftop extraction. Need your precise location and numbers - medical conditions and any other status."

"We're in 'Bizarre Guns' on Oddie Boulevard in Reno," responded the besieged. "Four individuals, over."

Omar paused, glanced at the four kids, raised an eyebrow. "Please repeat. This is the name of a GUN store? As in supplies of ammo and weapons? Over."

"Roger that, but if we shoot any infected it draws more and they remain in area. Over."

"Affirm," said Omar. "Okay, need details. Will use line and cargo lift. Have things ready to go. Over."

"Roger that. You got a helicopter or something? Over."

"Something," said Omar. "Stand by."

* * *

"We aren't employees, actually," said Michelle. "We're customers. We came here expecting to find the owners or employees but they were all missing. No notes or anything."

"So - why go to a store," asked the young girl over the radio. "Uhm, over?"

"Because - zombie apocalypse. Gun store. A location you can defend yourself from," answered Michelle. "Anything with really large windows wouldn't be a good idea. Over."

"There are some zombies out there, in the shade of the 'Mickie D' where it's not all burned out," said Chris, briefly looking out of the corner of the window. "What the hell?"

"What is it?" asked Michelle.

"One of them is still wearing makeup and the shirt of a clown costume," answered Chris.

"Probably got bit at a kids' party or something," said Michelle. "Just don't make any quick moves there."

"Hell, I know the drill. Fast movement means prey means zombies trying to break in. Don't know how well those bars over the windows are going to hold up. Taking chances in a zombie apocalypse means you're on the menu." Chris sighed as she eased away from the window.

Michelle keyed the microphone again. "I heard some transmissions earlier in the week from up in Arnold on the California side. There might be survivors there but it's been two days since I heard anything. Over."

"'Arnold'?" asked the girl.

"Mainly a campgrounds community from what I gather," said Michelle. "The ones who were talking had barricaded themselves in a True Value up there. Ov- what's that sound?"

"Something's making noise and those zombies across the street are shambling this way," warned Chris. "Though they're looking up?"

The man's voice from earlier came on. "We're over you now. Lowering a winch to your roof. Get everything you want to take with you NOW. There's a fire going to the East of your position."

A voice from the roof shouted down. "Mel? Chris? You wouldn't believe what the calvary is driving!"

* * *

"Okay, keep them throwing knives of yours hidden," said Omar. "We don't know what these guys are like. They might decide to take over, they might be idiots that'll get us all killed, or they might like gangsta-rap and drive us all nuts with that stuff."

"Uhm, what's..." began Naruto.

"Never mind," said Omar as he worked the winch. "They might have killed the owners of this shop for that matter. What I'm saying is - we don't know anything about 'em. For all I know they've escaped from a prison work crew and took shelter here."

"Okay, so don't trust them until we know otherwise," summed up Sakura.

"Hn," said Sasuke.

"I'm going back to the cockpit and keeping an eye on that fire," said Omar. "Hinata, you seem responsible. You run the winch."

"Ah, yes," said Hinata.

* * *

It was a small blimp, if you compared it to the Goodyear one. Maybe half the size, if that. The engines were propellors, it wasn't able to manage nearly the altitude of the bigger more professional ones. It was also noisy and had absolutely no chance of stopping a bullet in a firefight.

In a zombie apocalypse though - it was a thing of beauty.

It could easily go twice as fast as the zombies and completely ignore ground-based hazards. Omar Gutierrez had, in fact, told his passengers about going low enough to attract a crowd of zombies and then leading the chasers to a canal. He had just been aiming to give a group of survivors in San Francisco a better chance but he wasn't going to complain about the ones that had drowned.

He also told them that he didn't think that group of survivors had made it as he'd gone back later and not seen any trace of them.

Four additional people and supplies crowded things up considerably.

"Dang, that fire's spreading pretty bad," noted Naruto as they ascended.

"No Fire Department to contain anything," said one of the women who'd been rescued. "This is it though? Four kids, an old man, and us?"

"Still a few other stations out there, but they're slowly going off-the-air," said Sakura, letting herself be put in the spokesman role. For now at least. "That's why Gutierrez-san says he's not broadcasting his location."

"What? Why not?" asked one of the other women.

"Because the person who spread this thing is still out there," said Sakura.

There were a few startled looks at that, it apparently not being an angle the four had considered.

"Fine. Where are we going?" asked the first woman.

"Near Cathey's Valley in California, small airstrip, privately held," explained Sakura.

"She's got a point," said the other woman. "What DO we know about this plague?"

Silence for a moment before Sakura spoke up. She'd seen the videos and news broadcasts, probably the same ones these folk had. "H7D3. Two viruses which were basically created to spread this disease. One an airborne plague that was spread through mass transit and areas a lot of people went through. The second the actual zombie plague which is bloodborne. Mainly spread through bites or open wounds. It can be killed by bleach or other disinfecting agents when it is outside the human body. Last reports from your Center for Disease Control stated it was a genetically altered strain of the rabies virus."

"My, you're a smart little girl, aren't you?" asked one of the women.

"I was top kunoichi of my class," said Sakura.

"Top... well, certainly," said the woman. "So... your parents are ah. Never mind."

The other woman spoke up. "That's just what the officials said."

Sakura remained out of the way of the three women, eyed the single adult male of the rescuees, and wondered if this culture would ever make any sense to her.

* * *

"Okay, skills," said Omar as the ship's rotors finally finished swishing to a stop.

"Bathroom?" asked the other adult guy.

"Porta-johns that way," indicated Omar.

"No restrooms?" asked one of the women, apparently reacting as if the end times had truly just arrived.

"Yeah, but I want to make sure you're decontaminated first," said Omar.

"The water cut off two days ago," said one of the women. "We REALLY need some-"

"WATER!" yelled the man's voice off by the restroom. "PRAISE BE!"

"Guess he found the decontam shower I set up over there," said Omar thoughtfully. "Sasuke? Can you do lookout duties?"

"Me?" asked Sasuke.

"Best aim with that rifle," said Omar. "Just want someone watching - we were slower than normal with the extra load."

"Hn," agreed Sasuke, taking the rifle and then scampering up the side of the trailer to get a decent viewing spot.

"I'll help him!" volunteered Sakura.

Omar watched the three women who were now halfway towards the area with the porta-johns and the decontam shower. "Actually, Sakura. I'd prefer you and Hinata to keep an eye on the women. No offense, but you seem a lot more mature than they do."

"Why would I take offense at that?" asked Sakura. She shrugged though and made a 'follow me' gesture to Hinata.

"What mission do you got for me?" asked Naruto eagerly.

"Keep an eye on that guy," said Omar. "I got to unload, start refueling and settle the airship down for overnight. Want to go over the engine too. I know I do a preflight but today's was kinda rushed."

* * *

The four regarded the kids playing at being ninja (not very well considering their clothing) but after a bit of arguing allowed that some idea of what each was bringing to the group's survival chances was needed.

Sakura, having the best penmanship, scribbled down everything and then prepared a summary.

"Okay, let me see if I've got this down, and if you can add anything - I can put in additional notes." Sakura went to the first page.

There were no arguments.

"Michelle Preston. Age twenty-four. Occupation was accountant. Learned to shoot when you were twelve, so about our age. You prefer your own gun, which is a -" Sakura stopped and then sounded out the unfamiliar term. "-G42. Your hobby besides that was reading?"

"Mainly thrillers and Stephen King sort of things," tried Michelle, sounding unsure of herself.

"Christine Gebhardt," said Sakura, going to the next one. "Age twenty-nine and occupation is waitress."

"Pays the bills," said Christine. "And call me 'Chris' - never really cared for my full name."

"You said your hobby was 'investing'?" asked Sakura.

"Yeah, I did a bit of day-trading and stuff. Lived with my boyfriend. He turned." Chris shrugged. "I didn't use a gun previous to all this."

"Ah, I usually go by 'Mel'," added Michelle.

"Okay," said Sakura, making appropriate notes. "Next up is Douglas Winters. Age nineteen. Security guard?"

"Rent-a-cop," said Douglas. "Was trying to work my way through college."

"You've qualified with a gun," said Sakura. "And you were studying 'computer sciences'?"

"Yeah. Network security mostly," said Douglas.

"Last but not least," said the fourth member of the rescuees.

"Andrea Schultz. Age forty-three. Baker. Hobby is running your own business." Sakura glanced at the woman.

"When you own and run your own business, that pretty much takes all your available time," said Andrea.

"Okay," said Omar. "We still need more food and supplies. There's a Wal-Mart Distribution Center I've been planning to try and reach. It's only been just over a week at this point. If power's out - the refrigerated stuff is likely useless. If the power's on though - we don't have room for that much but it'd make things easier if we go after Edwards."

"Edwards Air Base?" asked Andrea. "Didn't someone survive there? You'd think the military bases would be okay."

"The orders were 'capture not kill' all the way through the end," said Sakura, who'd watched the videos and not understood a lot of what was going on. There were people in those videos who'd been yelling and arguing against even containing the sick despite the danger.

"Yeah, that's why most 'first responders' ended up infected or killed," said Omar. "Up until New York fell, there was a lot of people saying it would all blow over."

"By then it was too late," pointed out Sakura.

* * *

Weapons were given out.

Equipment readied. Some of which was questionable.

"A 'boom box'?" asked Andrea.

"Drop it off in an area we aren't going to be in. Hit play and run and hide. Noise draws the zombies to where we aren't unless one of them sees us," said Omar. "Worth a shot at least."

"This plan has NO chance of working," said Chris. "How do we get in there without getting bitten. We also don't have enough people to raid a place like that."

"Shadow Clone No Jutsu!"

_Ka-poff!_

Twenty Naruto all crossed their arms and glared at the woman who'd expressed doubts.

"How the hell did you do that?!" demanded Chris while most of the others gawked.

"Ninja," said Naruto. "Special technique."

"A ninja? Wearing ORANGE?" asked Chris, staring around her. "Hypnosis maybe?"

"No," said Omar, who'd had this explained to him ahead of time. "He really does that. And Sasuke?"

"Fire Release! Great Fireball!" _FWOOOM!_

"Okay, that would be easier to fake than the whole copying thing," noted Michelle. "What's the girl do? Grow to giant size? Lengthen her nails into swords? Pull weapons out of hammerspace? Use hair-fu?"

That got the woman stared at.

"I've read some manga and visual novels," said Michelle with a shrug. "Had a cousin who knew how much I read who was into that sort of thing."

"Growing to giant size - I think that's what Choji's family can do," said Sakura thoughtfully.

"Oh yes," said Hinata. "That's an Akimichi clan technique."

"You're kidding," said Douglas. "You're like the 'X-Men'?"

"I don't know that reference," admitted Sakura.

"Something to explore later," said Omar. "If we can get to Edwards or something maybe we can debate 'ninja' versus 'superhero' or 'wizard' - right now we've got damn few medical supplies, no backup air tanks, and we're going through food way too fast."

"Hn," agreed Sasuke.

"Why not simply go to Edwards, or even Area 51 first?" asked Douglas. "I mean - they're in the middle of nowhere and they'll have lots of supplies."

"The fact that they might have a 'shoot first' policy and a blimp can't do evasive manuevers?" asked Omar. "Right now the blimp is a major plus - otherwise we have to use a car and regular roads. OR walk everywhere."

"With swarms of zombies? No thank you," said Michelle.

* * *

"To make as much room for supplies, not everyone should go," said Omar. "I've got the most piloting experience, for what that's worth. I'm going to suggest Naruto for this. Your ability to make copies of yourself means we can have scouts and as many people to move supplies as we might need once we get there."

"Yeah, gotcha!" agreed Naruto, pumping a fist.

"Sakura, Sasuke, neither of you can pull off the solid-copy thing, right?" asked Omar.

"No," said Sasuke, reluctantly.

"No," admitted Sakura.

"Sasuke could work as a sniper from the blimp," continued Omar. "You've got phenomenal aim for not a lot of experience with rifles. "

"Hn," indicated Sasuke.

"Was that an agreement or an argument?" asked Omar.

"Agreement," indicated Sasuke.

"What about me?" asked Sakura.

"I'd prefer you stay here," said Omar. "Mel, I know you like your Glock - but from what I've seen the zombies would take three or four shots to take down from that."

Michelle nodded.

"Douglas, you got a large weapon you're comfortable with?" asked Omar.

"AR-15," said the large man. "We got plenty of ammo. Decent range."

"Me, Naruto, Douglas," said Omar. "I pilot. Sasuke and Douglas keep watch and try to pick off anything approaching. Naruto uses his clones to scope out the situation and, if possible, to start loading up the blimp."

"You are NOT going to load the blimp up with instant ramen," Sakura warned Naruto.

"A few cases at most," seconded Omar. "I'll go over the walkie-talkies and how to use them. That way you can check on what items you're grabbing before you go hauling them out. Need one more - someone more familiar with what we need than Naruto is. Following Naruto's copies and looking for stuff on the list. Any volunteers?"

"Uhm."

"Not you, Hinata. I've got something else I want you to consider doing."

* * *

"Winds are a bit heavy today," noted Omar as they approached the site.

"Not seeing any sign of zombies," said Sasuke, wearing the same headset as the others. With the doors open, the drone of the engines would overwhelm any attempt at hearing without ear protection.

"Clear this side too," said Douglas.

Movement. "Correction," said Sasuke. "One zombie. Approaching from canal to the East."

"See him. Naked guy breaking into a run chasing us. Put a shot in front of him. If he breaks off, we just caught him with his pants down. If he doesn't, zombie or crazy."

Sasuke lined up a shot. Fired. Noted the lack of reaction from the runner. Re-aimed. Fired. The zombie staggered but didn't drop. A third shot took him down.

"Good shooting. We're moving, they were moving, but you managed to hit him twice," said Omar.

"Yes," said Sasuke, deeming that he was expected to make a verbal response.

"Almost there," said Omar. "Looks like the two nearest buildings burned down. Good thing there's enough space between them that the center didn't get hit."

"Why do you suppose they burned down?" asked Sasuke.

"Could be as simple as coffee pots being left on or something," said Omar. "Naruto, you ready?"

"Ready!" announced Naruto. "Just a bit lower though?"

Sasuke waited until Naruto was at the door before kicking out. "We're low enough."

"DAMNIT, SASUKE YOU BASTARD!" yelled Naruto as he headed towards the ground. "Multiple Shadow Clone Jutsu!"

"I hope you're not going to do that to me," said Andrea.

"Sasuke. You could have waited until we touched down," said Omar. "As it is, his headphones are dangling beneath the blimp. Reel 'em in."

"Forty Naruto are now entering the building," said Douglas. "Approximately. Three remaining at landing site."

"No," said Sasuke, answering Andrea's question.

* * *

There were doors everywhere, big doors. Most of them had trucks backed up, blocking them off. Some were closed, rolled down and locked in place. There were three places where the swarm of clones briefly bottlenecked as they could enter the building freely.

The temperature was HOT. Hot as Suna, not that he'd been there. Wasn't any cooler inside the building either.

"Get outta the road!" complained a Naruto to the other Naruto standing around.

"Idiot. We gotta let our eyes adjust," complained one of the Naruto standing around.

"Spread out," ordered another Naruto. "Go through the place, find zombies, take 'em down."

"We know the plan," complained another Naruto.

"Let's go!" said a group of Naruto, drawing kunai and flipping it around in their hands before charging off into the shadows.

"AH! THERE!" Pause. "Oh. Plastic."

"Don't stab without knowing what you're stabbin' dummy."

"Boxes and boxes and boxes of boxes," complained another clone. "Too dark in here to read what's on the label."

"Found the lights!"

_Click! Click CLICK!_

"Whoa," said a Naruto on top of a stack of boxes. "That's LOTS better."

_Groannnnnnnnnnnnnnn!_

"That doesn't sound good," said a Naruto in the silence following that.

_GROANNNNNNNNNNNN!_ came a sound from many throats.

"That sounds worse," stated a Naruto. "Movement!"

* * *

"Hinata? How did you get up there?" asked Sakura, staring at the girl now apparently clinging to the side of a large vehicle without a rope or other device.

"Ah. I'm sorry. I was using the 'tree walking' technique," apologized Hinata.

"'Tree walking'?" asked Sakura.

Hinata slid back down to the ground. "It's a basic chakra control exercise. My family uses that and 'water walking' to teach precise control."

"So what were you doing up there?" asked Sakura.

"Omar-san asked me to try and pick the locks on these 'arrvee' vehicles. He thought that my Byakugan could see the mechanisms inside and then manipulate them."

"Sounds good," admitted Sakura.

"Sakura-san. Locks don't have chakra networks. I can't see the mechanisms clearly enough to pick them. Possibly my cousin Neji could." Hinata shook her head. "I thought I'd go to the roof and see if there's another way in."

Sakura watched as Hinata began going back up the outer wall of the wheeled vehicle. "Do you suppose I could learn to do that?"

* * *

"WHY DO THEY HAVE GUNS THAT FIRE FOAM BULLETS?!"

"WHY DO THEY HAVE NAKED GIRL ZOMBIES?!"

"WHY DID THEY HAVE TO EAT ALL THE RAMEN?!"

Sasuke raised an eyebrow before thumbing the walkie-talkie. "Why are you wasting time?"

"WHY IS THERE A LOCK ON THE DOOR?!"

"I am NOT going in there until it's clear," said Andrea.

"Wasn't going to suggest it," said Sasuke.

Naruto created another wave of clones who shouted a battlecry as they charged the building.

"AGH! I GOT ZOMBIE SPATTER ALL OVER ME!"

"So? Dispel."

"Oh. Right."

"Your friend has a very useful skill, but he's a bit of an idiot, isn't he?" asked Andrea.

"NOT my friend," stated Sasuke.

* * *

He'd found a lot of not-weapons. But then one clone had found a box of twelve Gerber Gator Machetes. At which point he'd spent a lot less time trying to use kunai and shuriken (both of which didn't seem to faze a zombie much) and more time using what little he knew of kenjutsu. Which wasn't much, but which was MUCH more effective.

"TRY THIS! HA!"

And then one in Sporting Goods noticed an opened box. An opened box of axes.

He'd be sick later. Right now he was running on pure adrenaline and trying not to think of these as human beings. He knew what Sakura had been saying about permanent brain damage, mindlessly aggressive, human only in a purely biological sense. He also had the whole being-attacked-panic going for him. Which meant that stripping off the cover and then flailing away with an axe was perfectly acceptable.

Except that quite suddenly there were no more of them. A few hewed-apart zombies bleeding out on the floor with limbs that were no longer capable of moving them along - that was the last of them. And a single finishing blow for each took care of that problem.

* * *

Naruto held up his walkie-talkie as the last clone dispelled. "That's it. That's the last one. Little messy though. Excuse me."

Sasuke sneered down at Naruto, who was busy throwing up and choking. What kind of ninja let a little death bother him?

* * *

AUTHOR NOTES: Crossover with the "Black Tide Rising" series by John Ringo. Yeah, i have the same troubles as the author with typical zombie apocalypse fare. i have LOTS of problems with the idea of "magic zombies" caused by a virus. Not a magic virus, but a normally behaving virus. i'm looking at you - Walking Dead. 


	20. Ninja of Draenor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> something i came up with to amuse myself. World of Warcraft crossover.

 

 

 

**Another Fistful Of Omake**

by Greylle

DISCLAIMER: Naruto from Kishimoto. World of Warcraft by Blizzard.

Chapter 39: Ninja of Draenor

* * *

Once he'd put that book in fuuinjutsu into play, Toltiir knew that as a god of mischief things could go in all sorts of ways very quickly.

In five branches of timeline, he made an improved explosive tag while waiting for Kakashi to show up in his classroom. Three ended with members of Team 7 getting severely injured. One diverged rather spectacularly by destabilizing but giving three genin enough time to leave the building even if the fireball expanded to completely enclose the school. And one managed to combine Wind and Water to form ice and put all three genin candidates into the local hospital for frostbite.

In another five branches of timeline, Naruto's choice for experimentation while bored and waiting for his teacher was instead a storage seal. In one, a scuffle between himself and Sakura Haruno over the book ended with Sakura being sealed. With Naruto being able to summon her, and any accumulated injuries being fixed by summoning her again - it was an odd Team 7 that formed after that. In another three timeline branches, the seal malfunctioned - with one sealing all the air in the building and causing an implosion. The final attempt at a storage seal in that timeline created a black hole. Which was temporarily amusing but that sort of thing escalated way too quickly.

That left the transport seals, of which a particularly large and impressive one would naturally draw the twelve year old's attention for having a flaw to it. In twenty-seven timelines - that was the one he went to first. In each and every case where something happened, it all went the same way. Sakura noted Sasuke's interest, Sakura tried to take the book from Naruto so Sasuke would see how helpful she was, Naruto didn't want to give Sakura the book because she was going to give it to Sasuke. A punch, a little dribble of blood would hit somewhere on the diagram and a space/time hole opened up to send three (sometimes four if Hinata was checking up on Naruto) on a journey through different space/times.

Just because he wasn't specifically a god of cheating didn't mean he wouldn't cheat. That particular scenario came up the most often because it offered so many chances for things to get strange.

In one branch of possibilities - the genin ended up in the middle of a Zombie Apocalypse. In another, a Wood that was ancient and evil and hateful - the sort of thing one could read about in the older sort of Faerie Tale. In a few they ended up meeting himself at a carefully chosen dramatic location.

There was one that he thought had possibilities for truly screwing up the original timeline, and so turned his attention briefly there.

* * *

The exit was a fire door on one side. A tent flap on the other.

Sasuke was entirely unsure HOW that worked but didn't really care that much. His dark eyes swept the area, taking in details as he determined exactly what the four of them had been thrown into.

Reddish stone, bare. Some sort of desert environment from what he could see. A big stone archway over there - big enough for six people to walk abreast.

He could tell that because there was a stream of tusked human-like creatures carrying swords and other weapons charging out of that shimmering wall of energy outlined by the stone arch.

Facing the charging tusked humanoids was an ARMY. There were a few normal-looking if not normally-dressed people in that second army but there were others that didn't look terribly normal by Konohagakure standards.

"Well, damnit?" asked Naruto as he stepped out of the tent. "What the hell is - oh."

Hinata was next, followed by Sakura.

Honestly, did nobody know what 'wait here' meant? Sasuke made a little noise of disgust at this lack, but privately couldn't argue that the spectacle before them was enough to grab their attention.

"Wha th' ail?" said a short and thickly built guy as he stepped around the side of the tent. "Wha be some kids doin' here?"

A woman with really long ears stepped around the same edge of the tent and looked them over as well. "Young heroes in the making?"

Sasuke was about to deny everything and demand answers, unfortunately someone else was reacting to that question.

"YEP!" declared Naruto, grinning fiercely and pointing to himself. "Naruto Uzumaki! Future Hokage and ninja hero!"

"Ah, well, this is a bit high level for young heroes such as yourself," said the woman, her extremely long pointed ears twitching. "Perhaps we should see if Dekthena can Portal them back to Stormwind?"

"Nae lass," said the short guy. "They's a teleport block up around the Gate ta keep the Iron Horde from just jumping off elsewhere. We'd have to escort alla way back ta the beach."

"Uhm," said Sakura, confused.

"HEROES! NOW IS OUR CHANCE! FOR FREEDOM! FOR OUR HOMES! FOR AZEROTH! TAKE THE PORTAL!" yelled some guy out in the crowd facing the 

"CRAP!" declared the short guy. "Out of time! Everyone! Party on! Buffs up! Blessing Of Kings!"

All four of them noted the golden glow surrounding them and then a feeling of increased power.

"You children stay back with our priest and spellcasters," said the tall woman with the long ears. "Mark Of The Wild."

Another glow, this one a purplish color, briefly flickered along their forms.

"Damn it, not ready," said some short woman as she rushed forward. "Kids? You're involving some human kids? Have you lost your freaking mind as well as your morals?"

"Ye may be me sister," said the short guy. "But I be telling ye again - DON'T go insulting me friends. And the kids weren't me idea - but they're here now."

"Aye, sure, and ye stopped being me brother when ye took up with non-dwarves," grumbled the woman. "Power Word: Fortitude. Ye wee bairns stick with me. I'll keep ye from pickin' bad habits at least."

"HEROES! FORWARD!"

"We should just sneak away," suggested Sakura.

"Hmph," indicated Sasuke, pointing at where Naruto had gone running to join the heroes charging the portal. Or rather where two dozen Naruto were charging the portal alongside much taller individuals.

"What is that idiot thinking?" asked Sakura. "We need to leave!"

_BOOM!_ went an iron sphere bigger than Sakura was as it ripped through the tent behind them then bounced along the ground briefly.

"Nae place is truly safe on a battlefield," griped the stout woman, raising a staff high.

"No it isn't," said a blue woman with horns as she strode forward. "Arcane Blast! Arcane Blast! Arcane Blast! Arcane Barrage!"

Sasuke's eyes widened as he watched the unfamiliar jutsu destroy a giant-sized one-eyed version of one of the tusked humanoids. He NEEDED that!

"We should sneak away, this isn't our fight and it doesn't look safe. Right Sasuke?" asked Sakura.

The dwarf woman sighed. "Lass. Yer friends already left ye."

"Eh?" asked Sakura, seeing the empty spaces where Naruto and Sasuke and Hinata had been a minute ago.

* * *

"Naruto!"

Naruto watched as the girl just struck one of these big tusked guys. Just once, but the guy's knee folded under him immediately. At which point the stocky guy from earlier used a two handed sword to chop through an unarmored neck.

"Tha's the way, lass!" approved the stocky guy. "Teamwork. Hang back a moment, let Dekthena blast yon ogron."

Blasts of white energy hit the charging giant, bringing it down after a few moments.

"Good job, Hinata!" declared Naruto. "Shadow Clone jutsu!"

An orange swarm went over and caught a wolf-riding tusked-guy and piled on him.

"Grab that!" called out the stocky guy on seeing something fall loose from the Iron Horde Commander.

Naruto picked it up, curious.

Badass Longcoat  
Item Level: ???  
Soulbound  
23 Armor  
+30 Intellect  
+30 Spirit  
+30 Mastery  
+25 Perception  
+10% Reputation gains  
+10% Experience  
"The spirits of your parents watch over you."   
---  
  
"What's that-" began Naruto, before giving up on getting answers while some tusk-guy was trying to cut him in half.

* * *

Hinata found herself back to back with Naruto, but really couldn't spend a lot of time thinking about that. No, she was pretty much concentrating on staying alive to the extent that lesser considerations like how close or warm he was - not really something she could pay attention to.

She used flexibility, her Byakugan's ability to see everything, and her precise chakra control. She also used a throwing axe that she'd snatched out of the air to knock away arrows, darts, throwing knives, and a bottle of something that smashed onto the rocks nearby and let off a bubbling noise.

Yeah, probably just as well to toss stuff to the side there.

Then a particularly large one-eyed creature that seemed mainly muscle charged towards them.

A bear came out of nowhere, charged in, and knocked the cyclops aside. Claws slashed at legs, and when the neck was in reach - jaws snapped and ripped a good section of it away.

Hinata was ready to try and defend against this new threat when the form blurred and she saw the woman with the long ears standing there, making a distasteful expression as she spat blood and something unidentifiable to the side. "You kids alright?"

"Uhm, yes?" asked Hinata, still wrapping her head around what she'd just seen.

"We're going to push through the gate," said the woman. "Be ready. So far you're doing better than I would have thought."

Hinata's eyes followed the woman as she leapt, becoming a panther as she arced over to another group of tusked humanoids. "That must be a chunin at least."

"STORM THE PORTAL!"

* * *

Naruto was on the path to being a great ninja hero. Believe it! After all, these guys had been identified as heroes. They were using ultra-cool jutsu! There were obvious bad guys! All he needed was a princess to rescue and it would be perfect!

He had shrugged on that long coat thingie and immediately felt like everything was suddenly clearer!

Once through that archway-thing, he was on the stairs of some big city made of stone. Lots of spikes and leering faces as far as decorations.

"Quickly!" said the short guy from earlier, holding up a hand. A blast of light shaped like a hammer slammed into the nose of a tusked warrior-type.

"Right!" declared Naruto, following, his new coat flapping behind him. "Shadow Clone Jutsu!"

"Send your solid images over there, block those troops long enough for reinforcements to get there," said the short guy, pointing. "Are ye a Hunter?"

Naruto blinked, then remembered something about hunter-nin that Iruka had talked about once.

"No," said Hinata. "We're new genin. Naruto-kun. I'm almost out of chakra."

"Yeah," said Naruto, thinking she looked tired. Looking past her at a pile of bodies though, he grinned and gave her a thumb's up. "You ought to get some rest, cause you were AWESOME!"

Hinata stood there for a moment as the short woman came up on her right and the blue woman came up on her left.

"Decent stamina on the boy," admitted the short woman. "Oi. Let's set up a medic area over here. Recover mana and use potions where we can."

"Are you okay, child," said the blue woman, leaning over the human girl. "You turned all red. That can't be good."

"I..." began Hinata.

Naruto turned and chased after the short guy. He sent twenty shadow clones to the one area, another bunch to clear the way ahead of them, and then more to knock another wolf rider over a railing and into a bunch more troops that were trying to swarm up the stairs.

That big blue guy and that green tusked guy were fighting back to back with hammers, sending the pale tusked guys flying.

"Orcs," said the short guy with the sword, not even slowing as he quickly did a one-handed gesture and another hammer of light slammed a tusked guy off-balance. A smooth motion of the sword and the tusked guy fell in two pieces.

"Eh?" asked Naruto.

"Ye don't have a clue what's goin' on, do ye?" asked the stout guy. "The big guys with the tusks are 'orcs' and - hang on. Exorcism! Hammer Of Wrath!"

"Shadow Clone Jutsu!" responded Naruto, sending another wave out to replace the ones that had dispelled.

"Is that the only spell ye know, lad?" asked the stout guy.

"Uhm, yeah," said Naruto.

"Somethin' else ta work on then," said the dwarf as a door exploded ahead of him. "This way now."

* * *

"We could still escape, I think," said Sakura. "They've mentioned something called a Portal which can get us back to home."

The blue woman put down her tea. "Not at present, but that's right. Right now the area is unsecured and there is a teleport block. Either Kelgar or myself could open a portal back to Stormwind - a human city. You'd be relatively safe there."

"But Naruto-kun..." began Hinata.

"Probably dead already," said Sakura. "We should go ahead, right Sasuke?"

"Can I learn those jutsu you used earlier?" asked Sasuke.

"You're not kids from Stormwind or somewhere around here," said the blue woman.

"Wot?" asked the stout woman, looking up from some gadget with too many gears. "They not?"

"No," said the blue woman. "I've been around humans enough. Not all of them are as guarded as you, black-hair."

"Hnn," said Sasuke.

"As to your question," said the blue woman. "Yes. You're not the first person to come to this world. It all depends on how long you're here and what you want to do."

"There be others?" asked the stout woman. "Like the Burning Legion?"

"No, humans," said the blue woman. "Most sources state that humans were descended from the vrykul. Weakened children abandoned, then enslaved by the magnataurs. There's another theory though."

"Theories, ye sound like that daft idjit," said the stout woman. She spat and left the circle of boxes. "Ye clean up after yerselves. We prolly move in another half-bell."

"Thordra doesn't get along with her brother, as you might have guessed," said the blue woman. "The other dwarf? The short guy with the sword? That's Thoram. Now you eat something. Get at least one of the blue potions each. Be ready to move in another ten minutes or so."

* * *

"We need to break those three stones?" asked Naruto. "No problem! Breaking stuff is my specialty! Shadow Clone Jutsu!"

"In that case," said the stout fellow, hefting his two-handed blade. "I'll be smashing the restraint ward. Keep an eye out though - I've heard of Gul'dan before - and he be pissier than three cats with their tails tied together. Ye also can't trust him further than ye could toss him."

The large orc in the restraining field made a face, opened his mouth to refute the charges, then shrugged. Actually there was a lot of truth to that.

"So why let him go?" asked Naruto.

"Because the drain on his life is powering that gate overhead," said the stout fellow.

"You," said Gul'dan, peering through the shimmer. "I know you. Thoram Stormhammer."

"You've heard of me prowess on the battlefield?" asked the stout guy.

"More like your misadventures in the bedroom?" chuckled Gul'dan. "Really? I have to wonder how much of that is true."

"Uhm, well, probably more than I would prefer," admitted Thoram. "Naruto?"

"Done!" said Naruto as all three of the stones broke.

Thoram broke the ward. Transparent walls shattered like glass.

Gul'dan was already making a gesture and green fire threw the dwarf into a wall.

"We just saved your sorry ass!" said Naruto, charging en masse.

"Idiot," said Gul'dan, blasting everything in the room with waves of green fire. When he was done he started walking towards a portal, only pausing once to look at Naruto. "Something... Bah. It doesn't matter."

* * *

"So," said Naruto as they waited. "You did something pervy?"

Thoram sighed deeply. "There was a war."

"You did something pervy during a war?" asked Naruto.

"I was one of several in a long-standing set of raids between the Horde and the Alliance," said Thoram. "Skirmishes turned into full-scale battles. After awhile, you begin to lose your edge. So I was rotated back to working at an important dock and flight hub."

Naruto waited for the guy to finish, but after about a minute decided to prompt. "And then?"

"A major ceasefire was arranged, Thrall may be an enemy but he has honor. We can work with that," said Thoram. "Exchange of prisoners, dead from both sides recovered so their remains can be honored by the standards of their society - that sort of things. A three-day affair."

"Oh?" prompted Naruto, settling back.

"Menethil Harbor," said the dwarf, glancing at Naruto. "I suppose you wouldn't understand the phrase 'one-rooster town' would ye?"

"No," agreed Naruto.

"Small town," said the dwarf. "Not much to do. So a bunch of us stationed there went to the one inn and got ourselves right royally plastered."

"Eh?" asked Naruto.

"Drunk," said the dwarf. "Drinking contest. Everyone trying to 'uphold the honor' of their unit or race or whatever. The gnome proved to be a tough challenger. Anywho - don't know how it ended. People say that the gnome won, but I suspect he might not have been playing entirely fair. Anyway, I woke up around noon the next day. It was cold and wet and rainy with a window open."

"I have a feeling I know where this goes," said Naruto.

"Aye," said the dwarf. "It turned out I was in bed with three bonnie night elves. SISTERS in fact. Oi. I thought I was gonna die - and the Horde nowhere in sight!"

"I could see that," said Naruto, despite his tender of age of twelve there were certain things that HAD been pounded into his skull. Such as the fact that girls could hit HARD.

"Well, it turned out that we'd gotten married," said the dwarf. "So I tried to do the right thing. Except me sister went absolutely positively ape-crap. She's a priest and engineer, ye know. Had bombs being thrown at me when'eer I tried doing anything near Ironforge. That be the dwarf city by the way."

Naruto nodded sagely.

"So, I just got a cease-fire on THAT front for the duration of this little war against the Iron Horde," explained Thoram. "One of the sisters hangs around me a lot. One can barely stand being anywhere near me but at least is a little less hostile than me sister. The third. Well. She's weird."

"No details?" asked Naruto.

"Ye aren't old enow for that," said the dwarf, shaking his head. "Then there are the rumors, the mother-in-law, and a crazy ex-boyfriend that keeps trying to 'avenge his sweet pea's honor' or some fool thing."

"Huh," said Naruto. "Here they come."

"Good, we need to keep moving," said the dwarf, arching his back until he heard a pop. "Ah. Khadgar. What's up?"

"You dealt with the warlock eye, and rescued the prisoners, but now we have to fight our way through that arena over there," said Khadgar.

* * *

"YOU HAVE ENTERED MY ARENA, STRANGERS! YOU WILL EITHER LEAVE IT AS VICTORS, OR AS CORPSES!"

"Hmph," said Sasuke, flinging a kunai at the source-of-loud.

The large orc grabbed it out of the air, engulfing the entire thing in one fist. "What was that supposed to do?"

_KA-BOOM!_

"That," said Naruto. "Sasuke. Even I admit. You have your moments."

"KILL THEM ALL!" roared the large orc.

"AHHHHH! Now they're mad! This is all your fault Naruto!"

"How?" asked Thoram, not seeing that.

"Is this a human mating ritual?" asked the blue woman.

"NO!" shouted Sakura.

Sasuke merely waited for the first of the crowd of orcs to reach him and then began slashing with a kunai.

"TEME! CATCH!" said Naruto, tossing something his way.

Sasuke casually caught it, before realizing it was one of the large swords that some of the attackers were trying to kill him with. Except this one looked a little better maintained.

Glancing over, he saw Naruto was using a spear he'd gotten in a similar manner.

"Pfeh," said Sasuke to himself. Not useless after all. For the moment. The extra reach and weight would be handy in this sort of melee - just to hold off some of these opponents.

"Sakura-chan! Catch!"

"YAAAAAAAA! What are you trying to do, kill me?!"

"You are in range of my divination! Ten palms!"

"Hinata! Catch!"

"Oh. Um. Ten stabs?"

"AAAAGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"Oh. Uhm. I'm sorry! I didn't mean to stab you THERE. I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"

Sasuke noticed that the crowd of bodies surrounding Hinata was suddenly a lot less. Interesting tactic. "Great Fireball!" Not that HE would stoop to such things.

Odd that after a few minutes of the battle, it suddenly had become a lot easier to predict where the attacks were going.

* * *

"Finish that up quickly," said the orc, looking at the remains of his hand as bandages were wrapped around it.

"It needs time to heal," said the female orc.

"I will hunt that red-eyed whelp down and I will rip his head off with this very hand," growled the orc. "I will take the name Blackhand now - to mark that my days of spending hours at the arena are over. Now I shall kill by my own hand."

Blackhand looked at the remains of that hand. Maybe get a black metal hand to replace it. With claws. And a small white cat to stroke while having prisoners tortured. That had a strange appeal to it somehow.

* * *

"Okay, what have we got?" asked Thoram. "These kids need some better equipment than what they got."

"Well, we need equipment for all the escapees too," noted Thrall.

"I don't mean the equipment we're scavenging here," said Thoram. "These weapons here are kinda crude but serviceable. Armor is a right mess. Need a few days to fit things better. No - what have we got that we can bring in from private storage?"

"Nothing," said Khadgar. "It's taking everything I have just to do local mass teleports through their shielding."

"Could ye send two of them kiddies back to Stormwind?" Thoram made a gesture. "The pink one has been complaining about being in battle, and that dark girl not that confident."

"I've not been paying that much attention to the children, since there are enough other things demanding my attention," said Khadgar.

"Understand that," said the dwarf with a huff. "Tha's why I'm bringing it up to ye."

"Why just two, not all four? Not that it wouldn't be more draining on my part." Khadgar glanced over at where three of the kids were all together.

"The two boys have been a bit more at home with it all," said Thoram. "The yeller-haired one, Naruto, wants to be a great hero of his people. Whate'er a ninja is. The black-haired one I still haven't heard his name but he seemed to take to combat like a dwarf to mining."

"Not all dwarves learn mining," said Khadgar.

Thoram shrugged. "Those of us who do - we do real well at it. Same with that boy. Natural talent or I'll eat me beard."

"I could send the two of them, but we'll need more of a break than I'm getting here," said Khadgar. "You're a jewelcrafter, right?"

"Aye," admitted Thoram. "Ye need something along those lines?"

"No, but if you've got an alchemist, I  am running low on mana potions," admitted Khadgar.

* * *

Naruto rejoined his three fellow shinobi with a happy grin. "What's up, guys?"

"Sasuke unlocked his Sharingan during the fight," said Sakura, her tone indicating this was going into her 'why Sasuke is so awesome' file.

"Hn," indicated Sasuke proudly.

"That's good, I guess?" tried Naruto.

"Sakura found a headband?" pointed out Hinata.

"Oh just some guy sneaking around and heading for the mages, I stopped him," said Sakura. She'd think about all that later and quietly freak out. All she'd done was hit him with a few shuriken and he'd been finished off by one of those blue goat-women. And she'd picked up something weird.

Nekomimi Hairband  
Item Level: ???  
Soulbound  
Head  
23 Armor  
+15 Intellect  
+15 Agility  
+15 Haste  
+25 Perception  
Double auditory range  
+10% Experience  
Speak With Felines  
"A holy item of an ancient cult of catgirl worshippers."   
---  
  
"So, do we know anything more about this situation?" asked Sakura. "Why are we even here?"

"We're here because you messed up Naruto's fuuinjutsu," said Sasuke. Also deciding not to comment on the cat ears on Sakura's head, or how they flicked and moved like real ears. Or the impulse to scratch them. The path of an avenger was not one that dealt with such things.

"Ack!" Sakura had really been hoping Sasuke had forgotten that particular opinion.

"Uhm, yeah, actually," said Naruto. "I'm still sorting it out, but I've had shadow clones listening in all over the place. Apparently there are these two groups of people. One's called 'Horde' and the other's called 'Alliance' - they're frequently at war. The Alliance is the one with humans, but right now there's a group drawn from both cooperating against this group which split off from the Horde - called the Iron Horde."

"A splinter faction?" asked Sakura.

"Yeah! That's what that 'Thrall' guy called it," said Naruto with a nod. "Anyway, at one point this 'Horde' was headed by a guy named 'Garrosh Hellscream' and apparently he screwed over his own guys and there was an uprising. He did some time-travel thingie and went back to make his vision for his group the only vision and got this Iron Horde thing started. And now that group is trying to invade the future."

"How can you travel to the past and invade your present?" asked Sakura. "Are you sure you have that right?"

"I asked Thoram and he said 'anything involving time travel is gonna be really damn confusing'," said Naruto.

"Whatever, I just think you must not have heard right," said Sakura.

"Anyway, we're going into this past to keep them from attacking us," said Naruto. "Oh, and Thrall wants to cave in that Hellscream dude's head because he feels that he was betrayed by Hellscream and its personal. Kinda. I get the feeling there's lots of issues involved."

Hinata pointed. "They're ready. I think they're going to try and take that big tank over there."

"Cool! I wanted to try and fire those big guns!" said Naruto.

"Hm," hmmmed Sasuke, thinking that didn't sound like a bad idea at all.

"Hmph. So immature, isn't he, Sasuke-kun?" said Sakura, not even looking in that direction.

"Naruto-kun!" said Hinata, glancing at Sakura and then at the two boys running off to go talk to a dwarf engineer and then go racing in the direction of the big device.

"Oh, you must be the two who wanted to go to Stormwind," said someone they hadn't met before. She gathered a glow between her hands. "Here goes."

"Yes!" said Sakura.

"Wa-"

_Zorp!_

"-it," finished Hinata. They were in a stone room?

"So, this is that 'Stormwind' place?" asked Sakura. "Wait. Where's Sasuke?"

* * *

Sasuke decided he loved cannon.

"Tanks coming up over the ridge!" shouted out Yrel from way down there where the goat-girl was blocking an orc's axe with her shield.

"Already on it," said Sasuke, spinning the two controls that changed the direction and angle of the large tube in front of him. He then pulled the trigger, sending spheres of rumbling death at the much smaller vehicles.

Yes, decided Sasuke to himself, he rather liked this. Not so much the shots coming at him from those vehicles below him. The whole height advantage and raining destruction down upon his enemies was nice.

"Hah hah!" called out Naruto. "Hit one of those places they store the bombs in a few times and it goes up real nice!"

Glancing at the series of explosions that Naruto's turret had just caused, Sasuke nodded. Not bad. Pointed out a weakness of this particular type of weapon though. If he ever faced enemies with such things, he'd have to get an explosive tag or two into their supply of this "powder" they used.

"WHAT'S THIS?!" yelled someone on a ridge. "Get those bombs up against the -"

That was all the time he had to get out before Naruto and Sasuke both directed repeated fire upon that position. Obvious target being obvious and all.

"Oh damn," said Naruto a moment later. "I lost count!"

"Oh?" indicated Sasuke, spotting a particularly well-armored orc charging their defensive line. His Sharingan spun for a few moments as he calculated angles and directions. Then he fired. The explosion threw the armored orc to the nearest group of bombs which exploded and threw him further along to another set of bombs which exploded and threw the armored figure (now trailing smoke) into the waters near the docks.

"Show off," grumped Naruto.

"I got it set up," said their dwarven engineer, Theiren if Sasuke remembered correctly. "One of you two, hit that red switch!"

Sasuke grinned as he easily beat Naruto to the device.

A moment later, the gate came down.

Then came the whole "escape from hordes of outraged barbarian orcs" thing.

Rather predictable really.

* * *

"Right, now that the garrison's set up, we've got a few odds and ends to do," said Thoram. "Now comes training and missions and such."

"Learning awesome jutsu?! Sign me up!" said Naruto enthusiastically.

"Hmm," indicated Sasuke.

"We just need to find out what kind of specialized training you're going to learn here," said Thoram.

"Oh, like those glowing hammers and stuff?" asked Naruto.

"Yeah, judging from the way ye be going into fights - I be thinking Protection Paladin. Well, we'll see." Thoram sighed. More work actually.

* * *

Hinata held up the odd item. She just wasn't sure about this.

Faux Fox Ears  
Item Level: ???  
Soulbound  
Head  
20 Armor  
+15 Agility  
+15 Critical Strike  
+15 Haste  
+25 Multistrike  
+10% Experience  
"Worn by shrine priestesses of Inari for special missions."   
---  
  
"Odd enchantment," muttered Tajra, the night elf looking it over. "Okay, well, we're going to try and figure out what class you and Sakura over there are suited for."

"Ah-ano," tried Hinata.

"Okay, you've got some Monk abilities," said Tajra. "We've got a Monk in the Guild. I think she's Windwalker primary and Brewmaster secondary."

"I don't know any of those terms," confessed Sakura.

"Hmmm," said Tajra. "Okay. I'm a Druid. Which is a particularly adaptable job. Each job like 'Druid' or 'Monk' can be further specialized for what role you generally seem suited for. I'm a Guardian Druid, which means that when I shapeshift it is usually into a bear. Bears are good at absorbing large amounts of damage and shrugging it off. It's what I'm good at. In the fights you were around to see, I went in and got the enemy's attention so that others could hit it with the massive attack spells and others could keep me healed up. It's called the 'tank' role and is one of the three effective combat roles."

"So you're part of a team of three?" asked Sakura, remembering that genin were normally part of a team of three from her lessons in the Academy.

"Yes," said Tajra with a nod. "The team of three is usually tank, damage, healer. Other team types exist, but that's the foundation. We also have a secondary skill we can fall back on when we're in other situations, but that's generally something we're not as suited for. Either due to personality, psychological limitations, or just plain preference. Mine is Restoration where I fall back and use healing spells. Secondaries and specializations will have to wait though. First we have to determine where your skills lie. I see the others have arrived, so the Stormshield portal must be working. We'll be testing you to see where you're best suited. Don't be afraid to speak up either - I don't know how long it will take to find a way to send you home but it WILL take some time."

* * *

Sasuke cocked his head at the goat-woman. "Why do you want to know?"

"Because your motivation is important," said the draenei mage in her thick accent. "If your motivation is simply to learn, you don't really seem the academic type, but we can arrange mage training for you."

"What 'type' do I seem to you?" asked Sasuke, frowning as he wondered how much to tell the three 'trainers' in front of him.

"Ye don't seem the paladin type," said Thordra, the engineer and priest idly fingering a device that seemed to be all gears and gauges. "Nor priesty - though maybe a Shadow priest would suit ye. Nor do ye seem to be the sort to take up working with machines fer that matter."

Sasuke reached a decision. If these people knew his goals, it might actually help him reach them. "My goal is to destroy a certain man, and then rebuild my clan."

The goat-woman and the short redhead both looked at each other. The third of these trainers leaned forward though. "Who is this person you're hunting? What can you tell us about him?"

Sasuke took a deep breath. "One day, my elder brother killed everyone else in my clan-"

* * *

"I dunno, this armor is hard to move around in," said Naruto, shifting around with it.

"So maybe not Paladin after all," mused Thoram. "Still, you're a charge into things sort of fighter."

"Yeah, that sounds right," agreed Naruto.

"So if not armor, then..." Thoram fingered his beard, tugging at one braid. It was a thinking gesture he was trying to break from but it was not that easy to drop after decades of use. "Defintely a tank from attitude. That lets Warrior out too. Guardian Druid maybe, if ye got some nature training? Maybe..."

"Wasn't a 'tank' that big thing on treads with all the guns?" asked Naruto.

"It's that too," said Thoram, before explaining the role of the 'tank' and the whole concept of getting in the enemy's face.

Naruto nodded after the explanation. Made basic sense to him. Sounded like his general approach too. "So what's this 'guardian druid' thing?"

"Ye saw Tajra? The elf lass with the really long hair?" asked Thoram.

"The one that kept turning into a bear and ripping apart orcs?" asked Naruto.

"Tha's the one," agreed Thoram.

"Oh. OH!" said Naruto, catching on. "I wonder if that would work with shadow clones."

Thoram pictured a thousand angry bears charging an opponent. "Well, we can test ye and see if that'll work."

* * *

Dekthena looked thoughtful. Thordra looked disgusted. The third of the trainers who'd been assigned looked intrigued.

"Your eldest brother went nuts, killed everyone in your family, challenged you to get stronger and fight him again? Your special eyes let you learn instantly the native magic of your land? Do I have that much right?" asked the small green being.

"Yes, and aren't you a..." Sasuke thought back to an explanation of the two factions and the races that each had.

"Exceedingly handsome fellow?" supplied the little green guy, grinning up at him. "It's the ears, right? My best feature. Use a special wax on the tips to bring out the color."

"Gobble Wing?" tried Sasuke.

Dekthena snorted and then looked absolutely mortified by her slip.

"Goblin, yes, and technically I'm with Steamwheedle and even then I'm kind of a 'free agent'," said the goblin.

"Spy," said Thordra, sneering at the being.

"A customer is a customer," said the goblin. "What? You think all of every race is completely loyal to that race and whatever puffed-up commander takes charge? There's always the occasional one like me that serves a higher cause!"

"In your case, money," said Thordra, actually managing to up the disgust level in her voice.

"Darn tooting, toots," said the goblin, holding out a hand to Sasuke. "Sounds like you'd fit right in with some of the Horde. Hellscream's Balls, that's tame to some of the things I heard about on the Horde side."

"'Tame'?" asked Sasuke, beginning to get angry.

"Yeah," said the goblin. "My mom? Had three kids. Sold two off to be 'engineering test subjects' - I got blown up three times before I was six! Still got a few scars on my backside. Wanna see?"

"No thanks," said all three of the others.

The goblin shrugged, then grinned. "I hear trolls do something similar, except they have litters and then eat most of their own young. As for orcs - they have a whole opera dealing with a situation like yours. Ends tragically, but then have you ever heard of an orc opera that didn't end tragically?"

Tajra blinked before regarding the goblin. "I didn't know orcs HAD operas."

"Go figure," said the goblin. "Lots of speechifying about how one's gonna avenge the other who's gonna get even with someone else who backstabbed some other guy. Now you don't have to sit through it 'cause I just explained 90% or so of their operas. Trust me, ya ain't missing a thing."

"That's not what happened," said Sasuke.

"Meh, I was named after a main character in one, so I knows about such thingies," said the goblin, stabbing his thumb into his chest. "Name's 'Weesell' also 'Weesell the Weasel' by some. Not many. At least not nowadays. Anyway, kiddo, I think you're a shoe-in for Warlock."

"Warlock?" asked Sasuke, still a bit put off by the remarks about That Man.

"Look," said Weesell. "Your big bro has the same eyes you do, right? So he can copy stuff like you can, right? So any of these jutsu things you can learn with them eyes of yours - you whip 'em out on your bro - he learns 'em and zaps you with them. Since he's older and gone rogue like that, most likely he's gonna be one tough cookie right?"

"Yes," said Sasuke, cocking his head as he considered the possibility that Itachi WANTED Sasuke to get stronger and have powerful jutsu to use so that Itachi could then steal those techniques and get stronger. That was... actually plausible.

Weesell held up a hand and flames played along it. "Destruction Warlocks don't do a lot of hand gestures and stuff. We just take the power and force it to do what we want. We deal with creatures that we summon, and those creatures just want to destroy EVERYTHING. Which is fine for them, but lousy for those of us who like the clink of coins in our bank. So we gotta make sure they know who is da boss. We destroy enough stuff that the summons is happy, well as happy as they ever get, and in the meantime reap the benefits of being one of the most destructive and damaging forces to come down the pike."

"Destructive?" asked Sasuke.

"Sadly, the little one speaks true," said Tajra.

"HEY!" protested Weesell.

"Warlocks are well-known for their ability to escalate just about any situation they get into, until things are burned practically to the ground," said Tajra.

"Well, true, I suppose," admitted Weesell.

* * *

Sakura considered the options open to her. What role did she feel most comfortable in? There were possibilities here, but after consideration she felt her best opportunity was "mage" - after all studying was one of her strong points.

* * *

Kargath Blackhand flexed his new hand, developed by goblin slaves who would die horrible deaths with their blood drained slowly if they failed him.

Metal plates slid back and forth with a faint whispering noise, acting as if it was a real flesh-and-blood hand.

"So you wanna see the attachments, boss?" asked the lead goblin nervously.

"'Attachments'?" asked Kargath. "What say you, slave?"

"See?" said the goblin, tapping a section of the back of the hand. The goblin slid back a section, revealing little springs and a socket. "You can put things in here."

"Like what?" said Blackhand, thinking that was a pretty small area.

"Like this," said the goblin. It had been HIS idea after all. Keep making pretty little things that could fit into the socket there and live another day after all. With any luck they could milk this until the escape tunnel was ready.

Kargath watched, his sneer relaxing a bit as a set of three bladed claws was clicked into place, extending his reach a bit. "Hmmmm. How do I take them off again?"

"Push here," instructed the goblin. "Then to the side like this. There's another tool that can be put on there, O great and mighty Kargath, but it unfortunately isn't ready just yet."

"Blackhand," said Kargath Blackhand absently as he put the claw on and took it off a couple of times. "Interesting, slave. Can you make a gun and put it there?"

"Uhm yeah, we can do that," said the goblin. After all, say 'no' and probably get something nasty and painful done to one's body. So 'yes' was probably a good policy.

Blackhand chuckled. Yes, he had been injured - but now he would come back even stronger and he would crush that red-eyed human with this very hand!

Kargath held up the other hand, which had been replaced by a sword long ago. As impressive and traditional as it was - it sure as hell made getting dressed a pain. "Do this one too, slave. I shall be twice as powerful then!"

* * *

Books.

She'd said she was good with books and here she was in a tower full of them.

"The first floor is mainly histories," said the gnome whose pink hair was only a single shade different from her own. "Histories and speculations - archaeology and mythology. Each race of Azeroth has its own history. Some of them match up. Some don't. There are some which we're not sure which is correct - if either version of events actually has a basis in fact."

Sakura nodded as she followed the gnome up the stairs.

"Second floor has geographies to the left, political analysis to the right, and the whole geopolitical stuff is a subsection under that set of windows."

Sakura glanced that way, continuing to follow.

The gnome made a gesture, glowing lines following her fingers. "Security passcode: aleph aleph aleph delta gamma quadrant polynomial bicarbonate soda. Identity: Aedna Mole."

Large suits of armor began forming all around them.

"And friend," finished Edna.

The armored suits vanished.

"What were those?" asked Sakura.

"Guardians," said Edna. "My goodness, anyway. Here we go - the magic library."

"We're not in the tower anymore are we?" asked Sakura.

"You caught that?" asked Edna, looking up over her shoulder at the human child. "Very promising. Most people don't catch that. This might just work out after all."

"Hmmm," said Sakura. Stone room, roughly circular. Could have been another level of the tower, but there had been just a moment when her foot had left that last step.

"Anyway, that section over there is the beginning texts. Find one that suits you, settle down and start reading. I will be over there if you have any questions."

* * *

Hinata thought she understood most of what was going on. That she'd had this strong temptation, right after Sakura had them seperated from Naruto, where she'd been sorely attempted to shut off a few of Sakura's tenketsu - was beside the point.

Thoram was what they called a Paladin - a warrior that wore heavy armor and waded into battle wielding a big sword. So a kenjutsu specialist with some jutsu dealing with protection and healing. Definitely not a possibility she could see for herself but maybe Naruto or Sakura.

Tajra was a Druid - someone who had some healing and long-range jutsu but mainly used an advanced form of henge that turned her into a bear that could wade into a fight and slap around opponents. That had actually been tempting as she could see layers of thick fur and skin and muscle protecting the night elf's tenketsu and the idea of slapping opponents around with modified Jyuuken strikes was appealing.

Tardra was a Hunter - a night elf who used ranged weaponry to target opponent and befriended creatures that could be summoned and dismissed to perform a number of functions. The furry rhino had seemed to be a bit more affectionate (if smelly) than one would expect from its size. She could see possibilities with this as well - especially as she knew from her brief meeting with her team that both Shino and Kiba had animals associated with them. Still, her father would likely disapprove of a Hyuga that attacked from a 'safe distance' despite the appeal.

Xingba - something called a pandaren which was sort of a bear-person. Who was also something called a Warrior, which was confusing as all of them seemed like warriors to her. Apparently that required heavy plates of armor and large weapons. Neither of which appealed to her, but she could certainly see Sakura going for that.

Hinachan was a shock, someone who (despite being a night elf) looked similar to her. What they called a Rogue and combat specialist. Hinata thought what she practiced was more like the Silent Killing skills she'd heard of from some of the other clans, particularly those from Kiri. Not her preference, though she DID think the armor the woman was wearing seemed a bit better than the usual warrior sort.

Thordra was what they called a priest. Which was apparently someone who healed others. Which appealed greatly to her, Hinata could admit that. She didn't think her father would approve though. Hyuga of the main family were to be warriors after all. So, much as the idea of healing everyone else's injuries appealed to her - she couldn't go there.

Which brought her to someone local who could train her in the ways of a taijutsu specialty, what they called a monk.

"Wash yu lookin' at?" asked the woman, sprawled across two chairs in the inn.

"Uhm, are you... Chlam-" began Hinata before she eeped and ducked below a thrown tankard. When she looked back she discovered that somehow the drunk woman was now less than six inches away from her. "EEP!"

"I don't know who told you that name, but don't EVER call me by that name," said the woman, her drunkeness seemingly evaporated. "If I hear that word pass from your lips, I will personally rip your tongue out and strangle you with it. Do I make myself perfectly clear."

"Uhm, ano, I mean-"

_WHAM!_ went a heel strike on Hinata's foot.  
_GRAB!_ went a pair of pliers into Hinata's mouth.  
_SLAM!_ was where Hinata's back abruptly found a wall.

"I said - do I make myself perfectly clear?" asked the woman.

"Yeth ma'am," managed Hinata despite the pliers gripping her tongue painfully.

"Good," said the woman, stepping back and releasing her holds. "Now run along. I'm supposed to meet some little girl for training. Hopefully she won't take much longer. Especially after burning through a perfectly good drunk."

Hinata fidgeted.

"Yer kidding," said the woman.

"N-no. I can come back later?" tried Hinata as she edged for the door. Though honestly she could remember some training sessions with her father going about this well.

The woman facepalmed. "Great. Just great. Okay. Rule #1. My parents thought that sounded like a beautiful name. I legally changed it, I don't go by it, and to say I hate it is like saying that the temperature of the sun's surface is warm. My legal name is my battle cry - Wataah. That's a kiai used when making a strike. You can call me Wataah or Wataah-sensei if you like. Like I said, do not use the name I was born with."

"I understand," said Hinata, her tone indicating that she didn't but wasn't about to provoke the crazy woman.

"My parents thought it was a beautiful name, almost poetic or something," said the woman, ignoring the large guys coming in. "The word actually refers to a particularly nasty disease that is spread through sexual contact. Do you understand WHY I loathe that name and changed it the minute I was legally able?"

Hinata nodded, understanding a bit now.

"Great," said Wataah. "Now the path you're on - dodging is the most important skill you can have. So we're going out back and I'm going to teach you the first steps and then we're going to practice that. Let's get started."

* * *

"Mission completed!" yelled three Naruto.

"Good job..." said Thoram before stopping, shaking his head, then just going on. "How did it go?"

One Naruto stepped forward as the other two vanish. "Man that was a toughie. Them plant guys can shoot from a distance."

"So it was a success?" asked Thoram.

"Yeah, stopped the horse-plant-guy-thingie," agreed Naruto. "Went through clones like crazy and them plant-guys kept showing up and shooting at me - but I did it! Believe it!" Naruto's grin was practically electric.

"Up for another one?" asked Thoram, going through his notes.

"Lots of missions?" asked Naruto. "Isn't that pile of paperwork bigger than when I left?"

"Yes, so many little problems setting up an outpost," agreed Thoram. "Huh. How many clones can you make?"

"Uhm, I dunno, lots?" tried Naruto.

"Make a dozen, have them go here," said Thoram, jabbing a finger down on the map. "Carpentry team needs assist there. Make another dozen and send them here. Drainage ditches and an embankment. As for you - how do you feel about checking out a vanished caravan?"

"Okay, I guess," answered Naruto. "What's Sasuke doing?"

"Still killing warpstalkers I guess," said Thoram.

* * *

Sasuke looked over the shredded shirt with an expression of distaste.

"Now THAT is why you summon a voidwalker to fight up close for you," said Weesell.

Sasuke sighed and tossed the remains of his usual shirt aside, picking up the other one with an expression of distaste.

Poofy Pirate Shirt  
Item Level: ???  
Soulbound  
Chest  
45 Armor  
+15 Intelligence  
+10 Spirit  
+15 Critical Strike  
+15 Haste  
+10% Experience  
"Yahr."   
---  
  
"What's wrong with it?" asked Weesell. "I've seen worse fashions. You should see what some'a them blood elves wear. And they spend forever lookin' in the mirror, pimping and preening, and makeup and hair stylists. Oh and the spandex and the eyeshadow and all? The women are pretty bad at it too."

"Hmmm," commented Sasuke, not sounding impressed.

"Look, I don't care," said Weesell. "I'm getting paid by the day. Ya wanna spend all day on a shirt, that's fine with the ol' Weesell."

* * *

Thoram looked at the mission board and shook his head at what he was seeing.

Tajra suddenly appeared behind him, startling the paladin and causing some of his coffee to spill.

"Ack! Could ye stop doin' that? And remove yer hand from there while we in public!"

Tajra patted the dwarf as she continued to press against him, the differences in their height such that she could easily stand behind him and read the board over his head.

Chop down demonic trees - Naruto, Daleera Moonfang  
Stop arakkoa looters - Naruto  
Find scouts missing in gronn territory - Naruto  
Attack Sabermaw clan raiders - Naruto, Delvar Ironfist  
Reduce number of Warpstalkers - Sasuke  
Shadowmoon in Gloomspring Grove - Naruto  
Investigate Cave Of Wanders - Tajra

"Me head ain't a rest for any part of ye anatomy," pointed out Thoram.

"Most guys wouldn't complain," pointed out Tajra. "Boy's making those 'clones'?"

"And bringing back all sorts of things," said Thoram. "There's a pile in the corner. Identify what ye can, will ye? I'll be asking the others to look some of it over."

Tajra shrugged and went over to the pile of odds and ends. "Ooooh. A 'Tormented Polearm of the Feverflare' - dibs!"

Thoram shrugged. "Suit yerself. What was in the 'Cave of Wanders' anywhoo?"

"I can see why you sent me, as a professional enchantress, and druid," admitted Tajra. "Had to follow my own scent trail to get out. Folded space/time in there. Came out and ended up waiting for myself to go in so that I could leave without meeting myself."

"So at one point there were two of ye?" asked Thoram.

"Tempting as it would be to see if the two of me could do anything interesting, I think the local space/time fabric gets twisted enough," offered Tajra. "Huh. Nice selection. Blues, greens, a couple of items that... oh this is bad."

"Ye be looking at the cube that has too many sides?" asked Thoram, not looking.

There was the sound of cloth being used to cover something. "THAT would give me a headache in very short order. What in Elune's name?"

"The lad seems to stumble across things that should absolutely NOT be anywhere near where he's doing things," said Thoram. "And things that are absolutely impossible. He also found something called an 'awesomefish' and has been throwing them at people."

"Yeah, something of a Draenor tradition from what I understand," mused Tajra, examining some sort of gear mechanism before tossing it to the side. "Oooh! Ring Of Marital Prowess!"

"You mean 'martial' don't ye?" asked Thoram.

"No," said Tajra, closing her fingers over the heavy ring and giving a particular look to the dwarf.

"Now now lass, no need for that," said Thoram, backing away. "Besides, yer sisters are here! MY sister is here! What are the odds they'll be walking in and then blaming me for whatever might come?"

* * *

"AGHHHHHH! NOT MY FAULT! NOT MY FAULT!"

Naruto blinked down from where he was nailing a spar into place. There was Thoram being chased by Thordra. Again. "I don't get it."

The dwarf rogue he was learning from shook her head. "Ye are too young lad. Of course ye don't get it. His sister is just a bit upset about her brother takin' up with tall girls. Just keep track of where she be throwing them bombs of hers. We want to make sure no part of the garrison gets blown up too."

* * *

It had become obvious, even to Naruto, when he'd started doing missions that when one of his shadow clones got burst - he knew what had happened to that clone.

And for some reason, some of these monsters and Iron Horde guys had things that just didn't fit what they were or were doing.

"Tree walking? Cool!"

Such as a scroll for a technique to walk up and down trees and other vertical surfaces using chakra.

It was just he was afraid to say something about it as that might somehow stop it from happening. He'd heard one of the dwarves talking about how that was called "jinxing it" when you talked about a streak of good luck and then broke it.

He was doing well and therefore did NOT want to jinx it.

"Oh. Another fist weapon."

"The overwhelming majority of humans cannot become druids, maybe it has something to do with your trait," mumbled Daleera Moonfang.

"What's my profession?" asked Naruto.

"Master Looter," said Daleera.

"Maybe," admitted Naruto.

* * *

Hinata dodged. A lot of the Gentle Fist style of martial arts involved deflecting the opponent's attacks, then countering with the striking of specific tenketsu.

A boulder weighing three times what she did smashed into the ground with considerable force. That she BARELY avoided getting smooshed was well noted by the part of her brain that was not preoccupied with thoughts of imminent death.

"Watch out for the wolf."

Hinata whirled as the charging beast closed with her. "Tiger Palm!"

Her hand slammed into the creature as it leapt at her, habit putting a spike of chakra into it.

She stood panting for a moment before her sensei spoke again.

"One-hit kill. Good. You're ready for the next stage."

* * *

Sakura considered the information she'd just gone through. Some of which made NO sense at all to her. Especially the historical accounting. The Elven History, translated to "common", didn't really match up with the Human-written version. The dwarf history didn't match either but was at least laid out with annotations about this finding and that in various archaeological digs.

Then also there was the whole faction thing. The Horde had a long and involved history and the Alliance had gotten some of their texts and translated them.

Time travel, travel across worlds, and ancient beings that could create a world as easily as a swordsmith fashioned a blade. It made for both fascinating and horrifying reading.

What would happen if this "Burning Legion" found its way to her own world? Somehow she doubted the various ninja nations could unite against a common threat.

* * *

Naruto Uzumaki.........753  
99 Guardian Druid......to next level  
Abilities_  
Growl  
Thrash  
Traits_  
Master Looter  
Jack of All Trades  
---  
  
"How can Naruto be listed as level 99?" demanded Sasuke.

Thoram looked up from where he was applying an icepack to his head. "Because he goes on ten missions for every one of yours, apparently has the 'Master Looter' trait, and is helping out on five quests right now."

"How?" asked the scowling boy.

"He makes them solid clone thingies," said Thoram. "And because he can tank - intercept damage to keep the healers from getting mobbed - he gets invites. They used to be one-hit would destroy 'em, but then he figured out a way to layer 'em. Then, I think it was Daleera who figured out - ways of using priestly magic to shield him. Still sends multiple clones so he can switch one in when the first one poofs."

"THORAM-SAN!" yelled Naruto, entering the shack. "I'm back. Got another new follower for you."

"Naruto. Quest with me," said Sasuke, rounding on his fellow Konoha citizen.

"Okay, that's a good idea. I think those two girls ought to try and get in on this one. Got just the thing for you," said Thoram.

"Eh?" asked Naruto.

* * *

The "mission board" was one of their not-quite-fuuinjutsu things that the locals trotted out as if it were commonplace. To them it actually was.

Sasuke knew exactly how handy it would be if he had something like this available. Something that showed his "level" or approximate strength as well as where his main skills lay? So that he could focus on getting stronger using that information? Especially if he had any way of checking his progress versus That Man?

Oh yeah. He could see uses.

[Sasuke Uchiha.........979]  
[91 Destruction Warlock.......to next level]  
[_Abilities_]  
[Drain Life]  
[_Traits_]  
[Fire and Lightning]  
[Burst Of Power]

While he was considerably unhappy with his own progress when he viewed Naruto's current scores, he could at least feel better when he compared them with the others.

[Hinata Hyuga.........112]  
[21 Brewmaster Monk.......to next level]  
[_Abilities_]  
[Byakugan]  
[_Traits_]  
[Dancer]

According to this 'Dancer' meant she could avoid damage more easily - which sounded like what little he knew of her family's martial arts style. While Byakugan was her family's kekkei genkai and allowed her to deal with those creatures who came with their own minions.

Even that was preferable to what was happening with Sakura.

[Sakura Haruno.........251]  
[12 Arcane Mage.......to next level]  
[_Abilities_]  
[Counterspell]  
[_Traits_]  
[Burst Of Power]

"What exactly is she doing?" asked Sasuke, not aware he'd spoken aloud until someone answered.

"Studying according to this," said Thoram, the burly dwarf reaching past him to pull up another display from the magically active posting board.

[Naruto Uzumaki - On Mission (6)]  
[Sasuke Uchiha - Garrison]  
[Hinata Hyuga - Quest]  
[Sakura Haruno - Researching]  
Sasuke scowled at the display, noting that Sakura was researching and Naruto was on SIX missions.

"Yer lass is probably trying to find a way back to your home," said Thoram, tugging on one of his beard-braids. "That's understandable. Yer friend Naruto - he's focusing on getting stronger."

"Not my friend, not my 'lass'," corrected Sasuke, though his scowl dropped a few levels. So she wasn't doing something useless then.

* * *

"Hey, I hear your name is Chlami-" began one of the lumberjacks, hand reaching out to touch a shoulder.

"Ah-ta! Wah-ta! Ah-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta. Wah-tahhh!"

Tables and chairs scattered as the big man flew backwards, visible dents appearing in his body from the various impact points.

"She can't get away with that!" yelled one of the other lumberjacks, getting up and breaking a beer bottle on the edge of his own table.

"She's half our size, what can she do?" asked another of the rough-looking fellows.

"Shuuuuuuu," said Wataah, settling into a stance.

"Oh dear," said Hinata, putting her back against a wall. "But I needed to turn in this quest!"

"Watch and learn my young apprentice," said Wataah.

* * *

"A mission," said Sasuke. "Three man?"

"Yes, you and Naruto and this new gal," said Thoram. "She's another person from offworld who ended up here through cosmic accident or something."

"Oh?" asked Sasuke. "I thought you said our situation was unusual."

"It is," admitted Thoram. "I be hoping this isn't some new trend or something. Like that time a couple years back. First you never saw a pandaren outside their isle. Suddenly ye can't toss a gnome without hitting at least three in any of the capital cities."

"She's not on the mission board," pointed out Sasuke.

"No, this'll be her first mission," said Thoram, manipulating the board.

"Done!" declared a Naruto as he ran in. "Next one! Oh. Sasuke. You going on a mission too?"

* * *

Sakura put a book to the side, dimensional physics being something she was having trouble understanding at the moment. It wasn't like she was in a particular hurry.

[Achievement: Suddenly - Ninja!]  
[Naruto Uzumaki has reached level 100!]

"What?" asked Sakura out loud. "Sensei? What level am I?"

"Twelve," answered the gnome after studying Sakura for a few seconds.

"Oh, is that right. Huh," said Sakura, opening another book. "Well, I guess that means... wait. Twelve?!"

* * *

"Naruto is level 100?" asked Hinata, casually throat-striking one of the orcs and then spinning in order to face the troll who'd been sneaking up behind her. "You are in range of my divination!"

"Not bad," said Wataah. "But you could have used a leg sweep there."

Hinata flowed around another orc, slamming two fingers into a temple, then ducked under an axe swing from yet another one to perform a leg sweep and follow up with drawing her bo staff and bringing it down hard into the orc's chest.

"Better," said Wataah.

"Sensei? How can I catch up to Naruto-kun?" asked Hinata.

Wataah considered that. "Well, if you need to catch up with someone - there ARE methods. It's generally regarded as not as efficient as learning everything gradually though."

* * *

Apparently it was not unknown for people to come dropping out of nowhere to find themselves in this strange world.

One of the mages, in fact, said that it was something else that could be laid at the feet of Garrosh Hellscream. The theory was that the time travel twisting had placed strains on the underlying fabric of reality and caused "thin spots" or actual "holes" that were responsible.

Upon hearing that it was all Garrosh Hellscream's fault - darn near everyone listening decided to just go ahead with it. He was apparently a very unpopular person.

Naruto listened. Or at least a shadow clone of Naruto that was currently under a henge to look like a night elf merchant he'd seen in Stormshield.

It had been explained about the memory transfer and how this technique had been seen as invaluable for spying. So he was practicing that particular set of skills. It seemed suitably ninja, it was just that he didn't really think it was HIS kind of ninja.

"I didn't think humans COULD be druids," said one of the others in the bar.

"It's apparently really rare," said a night elf. "Happens every so often."

"You heard about his 'trait'?" asked the first, a gnome with pink hair.

"Heard about it? Hell, I ran into a quest to upgrade that 'Master Looter' trait to 'Legendary Looter' but can't use it myself," said the night elf.

Naruto was suddenly glad that copying the form of a night elf had given him such good hearing. This spying stuff DID have its uses after all.

* * *

He didn't need anyone. He was going to do this, get stronger, and prove it!

Sasuke Uchiha stabbed his finger down. "That one."

"That one?" asked Thoram. "Well. The location is right over there, but I really don't think this is a good idea."

"I can do it. I must do it," said Sasuke. "Where?"

"Here's how you pull up a map, but you REALLY should be part of a group when you go there." Thoram demonstrated how to access the appropriate display. "Hang on. I think I can get Tajra and Dekthena. Maybe a shaman to help."

"It's fine. I'll show you all," said Sasuke. No way he was going to let NARUTO get ahead of him.

* * *

"He did what?" asked Naruto.

"I don't remember seeing that one before," said Tajra. "Sounds intriguing."

"Sounds totally inappropriate for a twelve year old ye mean," said Thordra. "I blame me brother."

"I tried talking him out of it!" declared Thoram.

"Ye be hanging around wit' elves of loose morals," began Thordra.

_THOOM!_ went a challenge flag onto the ground.

"I meant YER sister," said Thordra to the two glowering elves.

Both of the elves in question glanced at Tajra and allowed that maybe the dwarf had a point.

"Sasuke's in danger?" asked Sakura, pushing to the front. "We have to... Am I reading this description correctly?"

"A bondage dungeon? Who the heck put THAT in there?" asked Thoram.

"Horde," said Tajra. "So, Tauren, Forsaken, Trolls..."

"Ewwww," managed several of the Alliance personnel as their imaginations went there despite none of them WANTING to go there.

"We have to save him!" declared Sakura.

"Well, he's not dead," said Thoram, pointing to a display.

[Sasuke Uchiha - Dungeon Of Mistress Lok'Tait. Lvl 95+]

"Oh, I know what that is," said Hinachan. "I spied on the comings and goings there. It's a 'specialty brothel' the Horde uses."

"It's a wha?" asked Thoram.

"Don't go explainin' it in front of the kids," complained Thordra.

"Two of you can't go. Ages to the side, yer levels are way too low," said Thoram. "Naruto could go, but the age thing. There's something weird about the setup too."

"Most 'dungeons' and 'raids' are structures formed in space/time when someone sets up an exploit in the fields that the titans and their machinery used to develop this world," said a human that the ninja didn't know. "Each of them have things like the level limit, and usually some other rules involved. Such things replay after a set time - like a stage play on a regular schedule."

"Sae how the bluidy nether did a BROTHEL end up as one?" asked Thordra.

"Wait. Sasuke-kun's in a BROTHEL?" asked Sakura.

"Tha's already been established," said Thordra.

"He's TWELVE!" pointed out Sakura.

"Yeah, and it took us six hours to get you two here," said the strange human. "Then again, time operates strangely in dungeons and raids and other space/time folds. For your friend, it could have been six minutes or six days."

"Six DAYS?!" Sakura collapsed.

"What's with her? They're orcs and trolls, humans are just as ugly to them as they are to us," said Hinachan.

"I think she's just got an active imagination," said Thoram. "Alright. Who's up for a raid?"

* * *

"A human spawnling? In a cage? Over a blood pit?" The troll looked at the swinging cage. "Man. You gals really know how to set a mood!"

"You got that right," said one of the waitresses. "Throw your mug at him. Hit him and the next drink's free."

* * *

He saw all the details. He heard the noises. He would really rather not do either.

They'd tossed him into this cage and hung it from a hook in the ceiling. Below him was a roiling pit of something that looked like blood.

Of course, he had escaped twice. The last time they'd welded the bars shut.

Every so often they'd work a wheel to the side and his cage would go over a set of drains and they'd hose him and the cage down. Next time he tried to escape - he would wait until they were getting ready to hose him off. He'd fallen in that boiling blood-like substance once and that had been quite enough.

The owners and most of the workers were something called "Forsaken" - which was some form of undead human. There were also four orcs, two trolls, a tauren, a goblin who was apparently an accountant, and a single blood elf.

One of the Forsaken resembled his mother. Except for the slit throat, glowing yellow eyes, and parts of her flesh which were kind of rotted away.

Sasuke Uchiha was not a happy person.

Much as he hated to admit it, and he truly loathed it, Sasuke had come to the conclusion that he was not going to be able to escape this place entirely on his own. He needed a diversion at the very least.

Another mug of ale bounced off one of the bars of his cage.

Hopefully someone would arrive soon.

[Sasuke Uchiha - Level 92 Destruction Warlock - Dungeon of Mistress Lok'Tait.]

* * *

"Okay, we about ready?" asked Naruto.

"Need more healers, said Thoram. "Heavy on tanks right now."

"Like me?" asked Naruto.

"Yeah, kid, like you," agreed Thoram.

"So we're waiting for enough people to join?" asked Naruto, looking at one of the magical display boards.

[Naruto Uzumaki, lvl 100 Guardian Druid - tank]  
[Daleera Moonfang, lvl 100 Holy Priest - healer]  
[Fen Tao, lvl 100 Mistwalker Monk - healer]  
[Defender Illona, lvl 100 Protection Paladin - tank]  
"It's unusual not to have any strikers so far," admitted Thoram, referring to the traditional setup with healer + tank + striker as an effective combat group.

"Practically everyone else is busy," pointed out Naruto.

[Xingba, lvl 96 Arms Warrior - striker]

"Well, that's one striker," said Thoram.

[Dekthena, lvl 95 Ice Mage - striker]  
[Blook, lvl 98 Fury Warrior - striker]

"Not much of a raid group," admitted Thoram. "But if Fen steps down - you've got a dungeon group."

[Fen Tao has left the queue.]  
[Fen Tao is sulking.]

"And that's group," said Thoram. "Good luck!"

"Yosh!" said Naruto, pumping a fist.

* * *

Sasuke plucked at his skintight rubber suit and frowned at what those undead were doing beneath him.

_BOOM!_

"BLOOK! SMASH!"

_CRUNCH! WHAMWHAMWHAM!_

"Nice diversion," admitted Sasuke as a door was literally ripped off the hinges and used as a blunt trauma instrument.

The doorframe was next as a huge one-eyed ogre squeezed through the relatively small opening into the room.

"You know," said Naruto as he stepped into the room. "He kinda grows on you."

A group of goblins came running in.

Naruto shifted into a large bear and charged into the group, sending one of them flying.

"Frostbolt!"

An armored pandaren wielding some polearm charged in. Sasuke just glanced as the goblins were backed up by some of the undead patrons and the fight escalated.

"Yeah," muttered Sasuke as he used a brass goblet that had been thrown at him earlier to get some leverage. "Not a bad diversion at all."

* * *

"Can we get Sasuke to join the group?" asked Naruto as he spotted the Last Uchiha in the cage hanging over what looked to be a pit of boiling blood.

[Sasuke Uchiha has joined as Guest]

"That works," said Naruto before shifting into a large cat in order to pounce on a goblin spellcaster and then shift into bear form in order to stomp it into the ground.

[ Brass Watch Of The March Hare \- iLvl 600 trinket]

"That Master Looter trait seems awfully damn handy," said Xingba. "Need."

"Need," also said Dekthena.

"Blook BEAT!" _CRUNCH!_

"I think Blook should get something that has Haste and Multistrike bonuses," said Daleera.

Three of the Forsaken bounced off walls as Blook very happily did what he did best, at least on the ones that weren't dodging fast enough.

Dekthena pointed her staff at the cage. "Frostfire."

"I WAS GETTING IT," yelled Sasuke back.

"I don't think I've heard him yell before," said Naruto, briefly taking human form. "Mark Of The Wild."

"Objective complete. Retreat," said Daleera.

"Yeah, sounds good," said Naruto. "Multiple Shadow Clone! Bear Calvary Charge!"

"No matter how many times he does that, that freaks me out," said Xingba.

"So he made thirty copies of himself so he could turn into bears and then swarm over anything between us and the exit," said Daleera. "It's not a big deal."

"I'm not kidding, if I saw that coming at me, my first impulse would be to get the hell out of the way," said Xingba. The heavily armored pandaren hefted his polearm and charged along in the direction the calvary had gone in.

* * *

"SASUKE!"

Sasuke raised up one hand, cupped Sakura's head, and kept the glomp from happening. "No."

"He probably wants a bath first," commented Naruto.

"More than words could properly express," admitted Sasuke.

"What?" asked Sakura as Sasuke walked away from her. Her gaze went over the skintight rubber.

Naruto waited.

Sakura went down, bleeding from the nose.

"All's well that ends well," quipped Xingba.

"How did any of that end well?" asked Daleera.

"Got in, got out, got the brat, and got this," said Xingba, holding up his new weapon.

"I noticed that. What IS that?" asked Daleera, eyeing the weapon with obvious distaste.

"A chainaxe," said Xingba. "Noisy as hell. Radiates Threat like nobody's business. Next time I have to fight Corrupted Ancient tree-monsters, this is going to be SO handy."

"It's going to be difficult for you to do anything other than 'tank' with that," said Daleera. She shook her head. Pandaren.

* * *

Sakura checked her equipment and status for what seemed (to Hinata and the others) the thousandth time.

[Sakura Haruno - 15 Arcane Mage - DPS]  
[Hinata Hyuga - 25 Brewmaster Monk - Tank]  
[Ragspierre - 20 Combat Rogue - DPS]  
[Hahmner - 20 Arms Warrior - DPS]  
[Lyndis - 22 Holy Priest - Healer]

"Can we, like, just GO already?" asked Lyndis. "I got, like, stuff to do."

"What kind of stuff?" asked Hahmner, the draenei sitting his massive axe down in order to stretch.

"Priest stuff," said Lyndis. The gnome with the pink hair stared at Sakura's equally pink hair for a moment before starting to tick off her tasklist. "Work the confessionals before lunch, get the vicar his lunch, officiate at a wedding this afternoon, a funeral this evening. Usual boring stuff. I gots maybe three hours tops before I gotta go. So, like, can we PLEASE get going with this already?"

The shadows parted as a worgen with two large knives came out of it. "Annoying."

"Ready!" said Sakura, making a fist-gesture to indicate she was pumped. "What is this anyway?"

"Stabilized time loop of a type called a dungeon," said Ragspierre. "The math's a bit hard to follow, but that shimmering field in the archway marks the space-time bubble's edge. Apparently it's to do with the Titan machinery stabilizing our world fixing on events where there were major consequences for the overall timeline. Not sure what the implications are for those where time travel is involved. Gets kinda odd."

Everyone else stared at the werewolf rogue for a moment.

The rogue shrugged. "Hey, I'm dating a gal in the bronze dragonflight. You pick up some of this stuff."

"You're dating... a dragon?" asked Sakura with a shocked and somewhat disgusted expression.

The wolfman shifted to a human form. "We're both shapeshifters. Good thing too. I mean, can you picture the tab for her meals at the Rose And Lantern if she were a full-sized dragon?"

"Okay, rather than deal with the horrifying mental images involved with that relationship," said Sakura, "let's get going!"

* * *

"Welcome to the Deadmines, mysteries in the Deadmines," sang Koko to a goblin plushy. "Welcome to the Deadmines, to the unforgotten place!"

Sasuke knew that he couldn't do it all alone. His recent "misadventure" had brought that home for him.

He just wasn't sure that THIS was the group to work with.

[Sasuke Uchiha - 92 Destruction Warlock - DPS]  
[Koko The Mad - 92 Discipline Priest - Healer]  
[Tenzod - 94 Protection Warrior - Tank]  
[Krikey - 93 Retribution Paladin - DPS]

"Still need one more," indicated Tenzod.

"I'm a little concerned that our healer is giggling and playing with dolls," voiced Krikey.

"Yeah," said Tenzod, "that is a bit. Hey, warlock. Aren't you gonna summon up some fire support?"

"I haven't been getting good results with that," admitted Sasuke.

"How so?" asked Tenzod.

Sasuke raised one hand. Energy formed a spiral around him which then etched a glowing pentagram into place. A succubus appeared.

"That's the flattest-chested succubus I've ever seen," noted Tenzod as the creature grabbed onto the warlock and started cooing. "And why is it doing THAT?"

"They seem to take the appearance of various fangirls back home," said Sasuke, making a gesture and dismissing the succubus. It/she disappeared with a disappointed noise. "That one was Ino."

"I was thinking an imp would be better," said Tenzod.

"That's not much better," said Sasuke, summoning the indicated creature.

The imp was normal-shaped but it was wearing clothing, which was not normal. Nor was it adjusting its tie normal.

"What?" asked the imp.

"Not used to an imp wearing a tuxedo," said Tenzod honestly.

"Hmph. You think we're all interchangeable or something?" asked the imp. "Yeah, sure, most of us are in it for the destruction of All That Is. Me, I just wanna kick back, have a few sixpacks, smoke a decent stogie, and maybe set a few buildings on fire. After all, what happens when All That Is gets destroyed? Then what? No, better to torch a few buildings and enjoy the vices that you mortal types do so well."

Tenzod and Krikey glanced at each other while Koko did something rather obscene with a doll in the background.

"What?" asked the imp.

"You know, I kinda like this imp," said Tenzod. "Interesting philosophy."

"Okayyy," drawled out Krikey. "That's all the weirdness I can take for today."

[Samamva - 91 Marksman Hunter - DPS]

"Praise the light," said Krikey. "Let's get this show on the road."

"'Road'?" asked Sasuke.

"Old phrase, I think the Darkmoon Faire came up with it," offered Krikey.

* * *

[Master Looter trait upgraded to Ninja Looter!]

"Yatta!" indicated Naruto.

[Acquired Airship Right Wing]

"Is that what that is?" asked Naruto, looking at the back of the Iron Horde gunship. "Huh."

"Ye aren't supposed to be able to seize control of an Iron Horde ship like this," said a dwarven shaman.

"It's his 'Looter' skill," speculated Thoram. "He finds stuff nobody else can. Now that it's 'Ninja Looter' I'd expect it to get even worse."

"Well," said Bruma Swiftstone, climbing atop a gun. "There's just one thing to do about this."

"What's that?" asked Naruto.

"Who's up for a game of 'off-shore bombardment'?" asked Bruma, patting the cannon she was sitting on.

* * *

"Aaaaaughibbrgubugbugrguburgle!" declared the charging fishman, waving a cleaver around in one hand.

"Eep! Two palms! Four palms! Eight palms! Sixteen palms!"

Sakura stared, her jaw hanging loose. The hesitant girl she'd faced back in the Academy, so clumsy with the Academy taijutsu style they'd all had to learn, had BLURRED and now there were tumbling bits of fish-man bouncing off the line of minions who'd been following him.

"Sorry," apologized Hinata.

"S'okay," said Ragspierre, appearing behind one of the still standing minions and driving a blade into the back of that target's head. "You just keep on drawing their attention, I'll keep taking advantage of that."

"Actually," said Sakura as she looked around. "I think that was the last one."

* * *

Time seemed to slow down for her. Just as her sensei had said it would.

Hinata spun, lowering underneath the swinging axe as she moved. _Tap tap_

Continue the spin, moving out along the path open before her. One hand to slap underneath the troll's arm and deflect his sword. _Tap tap_

Another step, rotating around the attack of another orc. _Tap tap_

Spin around the blood elf's attack, springing up slightly to avoid the chop at her legs. _Tap tap._

Swing up, using her momentum to flip over the ogre so that his body would intercept the crossbow bolt that had been fired at her back. _Tap tap_

Rolling leap to the top of the boxes, then down the other side. Spring forward to this other blood elf. _Tap tap._

Time resumed its normal flow.

"What was that supposed to -" began the blood elf.

Hinata made a handseal. Explosive tags went off behind her.

"Wha-?" asked the blood elf.

"You are in range of my divination," Hinata informed her. "Touch of Death."

_KA-CHUNK!_

* * *

[Hinata Hyuga - 39 Brewmaster Monk - Barrens]  
[Sakura Haruno - 25 Arcane Mage - Stormwind]

Sasuke scowled at the board.

"You'd think, from that expression, that the display had done something personal to you," said the night elf Tajra from where she was sitting on the mission desk.

"Not the display, no," said Sasuke.

"Do you terribly mind getting OFF the desk?" growled the worgen woman who was at least nominally in charge of missions.

"Don't you have another garrison you could be at?" responded Tajra.

"Sadly, no," said the worgen.

"She be on a rotation," said Thoram as he entered the command center. "Why do they call this a 'town hall' when there be no bluidy town?"

Tajra shrugged.

"Be that as it may, General," said the worgen. "There's been a complaint. Apparently one of your followers has gotten ahold of an airship and has been 'buzzing' various fortifications and adventurers."

Sasuke frowned and looked to the others. They nodded almost as one.

"Naruto."

* * *

"Pilot to bombadier. Pilot to bombadier. Target in sight."

"Bombadier to pilot. Bombadier to pilot. Ready to release payload."

"Release payload!"

"Returning to base!"

"Mission: dump explosive notes on the Iron Horde porta-potties complete!"

_BOOM!_

"Evasive Manuevers!"

"We gots to get ourselves some of those tanks."

"Hmmmmm," hmmmed four Naruto, a goblin engineer, and two partly drunk dwarves.

"Tha' sounds like our next mission!" declared one of the dwarves.

* * *

"What a bunch of junk!" said Thordra, pointing at the airship.

"Hey, it'll do the Kaysee's Run in less than twenty parsnips!" protested Naruto.

"That makes absolutely no sense, you know," pointed out Thordra. "And look at this thing!"

"Hey, don't diss me airship!" shot back Naruto.

"YE BE MAKIN' FUN O' ME ACCENT, YE SKAELING?!" replied Thordra, drawing a mace.

"Uh oh," said Thoram, walking out of the Town Hall, assessing the situation, and turning around and going back in.

* * *

[Hinata Hyuga has secondary specialization: Windwalker]  
[Hinata Hyuga - 45 Windwalker Monk - White Tiger Temple]

Sasuke glanced at the board then stopped and looked more carefully at it.

"Don't go out there," said Thoram as he walked past the warlock.

"How is she doing that?" asked Sasuke.

"How is who doing what?" asked Thoram.

"I've gone on three missions," said Sasuke. "In that time, Hinata has gone from level thirty-nine to level forty-five."

"Ah, I asked her about that," said a panther on the floor before she shifted back into a night elf.

Sasuke considered the druid briefly.

"She does that because she says its easier to catch naps like that," said Thoram, apparently anticipating the question.

"Hinata says she wants to walk next to him," said Tajra. One ear twitched. "Sounds like your sister is venting on someone besides you for once, lover."

"Lad has my sympathies," said Thoram. "And cut it down on the public displays. It makes some people really damn uncomfortable."

Standing up, the druid made a pose of mock-shock. "Me? Acting inappropriately?"

Sasuke tuned them out as he considered that little tidbit of information.

[Sakura Haruno - 26 Arcane Mage - Stormwind]

"What the hell is she doing?" asked Sasuke softly.

* * *

She had to wait for a book to be available, apparently it had to come all the way from Darnassus by courier. Fortunately, she'd found something to do in the meantime.

"Siamese Cat! Use Claw!"

The rat squeaked as the attack slashed into it.

* * *

section added 9/8/15

* * *

They were demons, forces of the Burning Legion. They struck terror into the hearts of creatures everywhere that their banners came into view.

"Whoooonnnnnnggggggg."

_THOOM!_

They were currently running in all directions as one of their Fel Reavers suddenly went amok and started stomping all over their own troops.

They didn't notice, being rather busy trying to avoid being flattened under the 100ft tall war machine, that something was climbing up the massive mecha. Why would they though? It was impossible to climb up one of those.

They DID notice the level 106 Fel Reaver come to a stop. They DID notice the little aircraft zip by and the parachute as what appeared to be a couple of gnomes went from airship to Reaver.

At which point the Fel Reaver started targetting supply areas, command tents, any gatherings of troops, and other Fel Reavers.

It took massive amounts of firepower and the work of all the available higher level commanders in the area to bring the warmech down, but there was no sign of the gnomes at that point.

* * *

"WHERE THE HELL DID THEY COME FROM?!"

"I dunno, sir. One minute they weren't there. The next - we had freaking Bear Calvary overrunning our position."

The orc captain looked over the ruined camp. "What did they take?"

"Still accumulating the list, mon," said a troll supply officer. "We know they took two of the siege engines."

"Wha?" The captain gaped for a moment before running up a small hill and looking. "WHAAT?! How could they even manage to do that?!"

"One minute they there," said the troll. "Next they gone. They also got the prisoner compound. I be thinkin' that the main objective and everythin' else be being 'target of opportunity' here."

"That's the first thing about this that's made any sense at all," said the orc captain, pulling his helmet off so he could scratch his head. "Okay, I'll need a complete list as soon as you've got it. Though the prisoners were kinda useless. Too scrawny to be proper slaves and not of any political value. I'll send off a quick bit that some kind of elite force is operating in the area and we were hit, full report to follow. Maybe someone will find and deal with this group before I turn it in and save all of us a headache."

"Boss! Boss!" said a goblin as he ran up to the group. The goblin waved a flag. "I found 'dis."

"The Orange Storm, eh?" asked the captain after he'd taken the flag and examined it. "I've heard of this guy. Well, at least we're not the first ones he's hit."

"'Orange Storm'?" asked the troll.

"Leader of a group of raiders, Alliance," said the captain. "Specializes in hit-and-run. Also explosions. Big explosiona."

"I kinda find myself admiring the guy for that much at least," confessed the goblin. Who was abruptly kicked off the hill by the orc.

"Doesn't matter," said the orc. "We'll find him and make him regret setting foot in Nagrand."


	21. Sekirei of the Leaf

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i'd seen a couple of Sekirei crossovers over at the other fanfiction site, but they all involved the immortal Naruto kind of thing. So i came up with this.

 

 

 

**Another Fistful Of Omake**

by Greylle

DISCLAIMER: Naruto from Kishimoto. Sekirei by Sakurako Gokurakuin. starts at 248514 at the Anime Addventure if you want to see some of the other branches prepped out.

**9/1/15** : Updated with a scene at the end, plus an idea of how i saw the "pairing off" process going.

Chapter 40: Sekirei of the Leaf

* * *

It had started with a tiny little nudge. Toltiir used those, on occasion, because sometimes a subtle hand made for the better jest. A god of mischief always had an eye out for the proper tool after all.

A tiny seed of an idea planted here at this instance would grow there and further shift things at that instance. Which was all for amusement really. He was an Elder, after all, and the fleeting lives of mortals was something he would admit he didn't understand even considering the eon/moment he'd spent observing them in the multitude of universes they resided in.

* * *

Hiruzen Sarutobi, the Third Hokage of Konohagakure, had an idea. Naruto's father and mother had both been geniuses at fuuinjutsu. His father had been especially good at the Science of fuuinjutsu, whereas his mother had excelled at the Art half. It was equal parts of both after all. Why not try the young boy at fuuinjutsu, hint that it might pave the way for him to become a truly awesome ninja.

The Hokage chuckled. After all, looking at Naruto's test scores in the Academy, he could hardly do worse.

* * *

Naruto had done well on his first copied blast tag and his first storage seal. Basic stuff. Perhaps it WAS in his blood.

Then an altercation with one of the other students. A young Sakura Haruno had rebuffed his attempt at friendship and told him that he was unworthy of her attention because he wasn't as awesome as young Sasuke Uchiha. Another member of the class, knowing that Naruto was attempting to learn fuuinjutsu, snidely suggested that Naruto learn to SUMMON friends because that was the only way he'd get one.

From such things had come Naruto's first summoning attempt - to summon ramen. Spicy beef ramen. The Hokage understood the reasoning that Naruto had expressed in the aftermath - that summoning ramen wouldn't be likely to hurt him. That the worst he had thought likely to happen would have been spoiled ramen past the expiration date.

Instead, Naruto had summoned forth a herd of auroch, the distant ancestor of modern cattle. Also enough broth and noodles to fill his apartment. It had been the auroch which had actually been the problem.

At least until the Inuzuka hounds had caught scent of the disturbance and descended on the scene like some wave of destruction. Followed by the Inuzuka clan, the Akimichi clan, and various others who had very little problem with putting down a group of wild ox and converting them to what had resembled a festival banquet.

Which had led to today.

The Hokage had to put aside all the paperwork that came with his high office in order to be present at Naruto's next attempt at doing a summoning fuuinjutsu. What a darn shame, as the 365 page report on soybean yields from the Land Of Grass had made such fascinating reading that it had threatened to put him to sleep before he'd gotten a quarter of the way through it. Yes, there might be some intel to be gleaned on troop movements from that - but it was practically torture of itself.

"Status?" asked the Hokage as he settled onto a rooftop where he had a good look at the area cordoned off for Naruto's experiment. His cloak billowed dramatically for a moment. There was a jutsu for that after all.

One of the ANBU, Hawk, appeared nearby. "Interesting. He's using a modular approach to fuuinjutsu. There's a blank space on each scroll where another scroll will cross it when they've been unraveled. Each section essentially contains a bit of the total contract."

"A contract?" asked the Hokage.

"Yes sir," said Hawk. "Remember when you said you'd make resources available to him to explore this line of endeavor?"

"Ah, yes," said the Hokage, nodding at that. "I mainly meant ink and paper." He should have known better, he supposed.

"Well, one of the things offered is citizenship to Konohagakure," said Hawk, pointing at one scroll. "Upon learning of that, I had him add sections that it was pending further approval from you and the passing of an examination from Ibiki's office with a probationary period that might be waived at the discretion of the Hokage."

"Good," said the Hokage. ANBU had a number of different skills and Hawk was one of the better ones when it came to negotiating much of anything. You had some ANBU who could handle all sorts of combat missions, but then there were missions that required diplomacy or a number of different skillsets. "Anything else?"

"That section is the main one," said Hawk as he pointed to the central section. "It basically sets that the one summoned is asked to be his friend and to come here if all the conditions and limitations are agreed to."

"Interesting," said the Hokage. "How much help did you give him?"

"On the fuuinjutsu itself? None," said Hawk. "It's a new approach after all. On suggesting various problems to him? Quite a bit. He's very direct and straightforward and missed how some things could go wrong."

The Hokage nodded. Too little advice and you could have something like had happened in the days of the Second Hokage, where a young experimenter had somehow managed to use a Fire Release jutsu to set her own internal organs on fire. Too much and the experimenter would simply be reinventing something already known.

Naruto finished laying out the various scrolls, adjusted two of them, then sat at the head of the northernmost point of the six-sided star shape they described.

Blue fire appeared, a floating ball of it the size of a child's hand, directly in front of Naruto. Then red fire appeared at the next juncture. Yellow, green, purple, and white appeared in that order.

A circle of fuuinjutsu appeared in midair, sketched in orange light, rotating around briefly.

"That's different," commented Hawk.

"Orange?" asked the Hokage.

"Well, that too," said Hawk. "The size is another consideration. Good thing I recommended we set it up in an unused training field."

* * *

The floor shuddered and there were sounds that indicated metal and rock were being stressed to the point of breakdown.

The ship was in danger. No, that wasn't quite right.

Doomed. That was rather a better description.

Number One looked around at the cradle. 108 lives about to end. 108 per ship, and on one there was a fatal error in the drive system.

Very fatal as the ship was still going entirely too fast and would impact the shallows of a coastline on the world of blue and greens that had been the target. Even considering the materials made for these ark-ships and her own efforts to slow it, at nearly 12 kilometers per second - they were going to make a rather large crater.

It looked like there were three ships which had crashed but most likely held survivors. They'd managed to bleed off some of their velocity. One ship was heading for a deep-water crash.

It appeared that the time they'd spent in transit had been enough for a common flaw in the ship's programming or a component to compound itself.

" **Do you want to live? Would you be my friend?** "

Number One looked up. Senses a bit more subtle than human average probed the space. "If there is a chance for me to save them - then yes!"

There were two of them, Number One decided. The young boy who had made the offer, but there were glimpses of another being as it did something.

She addressed that Other. An agreement was reached.

Then things shifted abruptly.

* * *

Toltiir considered the results of this effort of Naruto's, which was his own excuse for getting involved. On his own, Naruto couldn't possibly pull this off. As they were now, only the first really stood a chance to survive. That was, IF he simply pulled them across now. As they were, there was one adult with eight embryos and ninety-nine fertilized eggs.

So he just had to advance development a bit. Add the sort of skills and knowledge they'd have in a more regular setting, including the local language.

Some would have to be fit in a bit more in some respects. Technomancy wasn't exactly going to be useful unless they had access to equipment to make the sorts of things they could then access.

Still, there was certainly the possibility of things getting stirred up a bit.

Wait. What? All of them had to agree to be his friend to be summoned, which required that age acceleration and developmental copying, but he'd hardly expected HER to agree to that condition.

Well, he liked to be surprised. This certainly qualified.

A few substitutions for those who just didn't want a friend at all, there were enough sources. Shift a bit here and there, to fill empty spots and provide opportunities later on.

Most of whom wouldn't regularly associate with Naruto anyway. Just normal societal behavior would have them drift away in a few short years.

But some would remain. How many remained to be seen.

Oh, and that First among them was sufficiently powerful and subtle enough to detect him. Even more curious, she wanted to make a deal.

How very interesting.

* * *

"Well, this is interesting," said the Hokage several days later after the initial mess had been sorted through.

"Interesting?" asked Koharu Utatane. "One hundred and eight new citizens? Most of whom are children who have kekkei genkai?"

"I like it," said Homura Mitokado.

"You aren't thinking this through," said Koharu.

"No, you're just reacting," said Homura. "What's the age range here?"

"Miya is the oldest, approximately twenty-four years old," said the Hokage. "The next group of nine are about thirteen years of age. The remainder are between twelve and six years of age."

"They should be contained and made use of for the benefit of the village," said Koharu. "This many kekkei genkai could seriously tip the balance of power. Other villages will attempt to steal them away or kill them. Locking them away will keep them safe and allow us to create entirely new clans."

"Did we become Kumogakure when I wasn't looking?" asked the Hokage. "Because that certainly sounds like a Kumo decision."

"Letting them run loose and chase after that boy," grumped Koharu. Kunoichi had more dignity in HER day.

"They're kids," noted Homura, figuring that this might be at least part of Koharu's problem with the situation. "It may become kunoichi fighting over a guy later, but it isn't like that doesn't happen with that Uchiha boy anyway."

"They haven't spent any time in the Academy, having just arrived," tried Koharu. "They must spend at least a year in the Academy to graduate as genin."

"That would be a great pity, as a number of them seem quite talented," said the Hokage. There were times to be diplomatic, and this seemed like one. "Perhaps a placement test?"

"Good idea," said Homura. "We certainly don't need to field a large number of ninja at present, so there's no need to be hasty with any of this."

A laughing Naruto ran past the tower, pursued by a large of number of young girls.

"It's lively," said Homura. There was something about watching the children laughing and playing that made him feel younger - just the tiniest bit.

"It gives them the chance to be whatever it is they want to be," said the Hokage. "That would be for the best, wouldn't it?"

"I disagree," said Koharu. "This is just male foolishness."

"I wasn't asking you," said Hiruzen Sarutobi. "I was asking - Karasuba isn't it?"

"Eh?" asked Koharu before a shadow materialized and started leaking Killing Intent. Not only 'Killing' but 'Hurtful Intent' seemed to be present.

The Hokage raised an eyebrow and responded, crushing Karasuba's Killing Intent and briefly causing the girl to sag under the force of his own Intent. Then it was gone with no sign that the Hokage had exerted any effort at all.

"You detected me? Interesting," said Karasuba, getting the message loud and clear, and finding the whole thing to be quite intriguing.

"I believe you could do VERY well on certain missions," said the Hokage. "I heard that your conversation with Ibiki revealed you might really enjoy that sort of thing."

"Oh?" asked Karasuba, the thirteen year old licked her lips. "Do tell."

* * *

"'Placement tests'?" asked Sakura Haruno.

"It's troublesome," sighed Shikamaru.

"Eat my dust, forehead! This is a new chance for me to rise to the top of the class!" declared Ino.

Iruka shook his head. "Actually, these tests were developed with the assistance of some new refugees to Konoha, and initial response from the research indicated it might be useful in general use."

"I don't understand, what do you mean, Iruka-sensei?" asked Sakura.

One of the new girls held up her hand. "May I?"

"Go ahead, Matsu-chan," indicated Iruka.

Matsu adjusted her glasses. "When we sekirei joined the village last week, Miya-chan and some of the others got together with the several of the teachers and members of the elite ninja. From the existing jonin-sensei, we got a list of things they wished that their genin had learned in the Academy. From field operatives, things that THEY wished had been covered or taught earlier. From the Hokage's office, we went over old records and things that were taught in earlier classes. We put together with those teachers a set of tests that would show exactly what was needed for an individual to be ready AFTER graduation to survive and do well - not only what you most needed to learn but what your talents actually are."

"Like I said - 'troublesome'," said Shikamaru.

"In Shikamaru-san's case," indicated Matsu, "he needs to actually put forth some effort and pay attention - because this test would then allow him to be in less troublesome situations and classes in the future. Heck, if he did well enough - he might get a pass in order to sleep in some classes."

"Hmmm?" asked a now mildly interested Shikamaru.

"Testing is in four stages," explained Iruka. "Physical will be tomorrow, so be sure to eat a good breakfast. Mental will be two days from now. What's on the third day is secret. Fourth day is a simulated mission."

There was a stir of interest at that last. Sasuke in particular lost his dismissive attitude and smirked, certain of how well he would do and that his class standing would be intact.

* * *

Mizuki finished the contents of the can with a very loud slurp, then crushed and tossed the can of "Konoha Jasmine Tea" into the little-used wastebin.

He didn't stick around, knowing that someone would come by shortly - probably as soon as he left - and would go through the trash to collect the cans. Probably complaining aloud of someone not sorting their trash properly.

Was he a double agent because he was on Konoha's payroll as an Academy Instructor and working as well for Orochimaru? Triple because he was also sending information to another spy for Iwagakure? Did it matter?

Konohagakure had these bloodlines coming into play, and he didn't like that at all. People with an unnatural advantage advancing over his own status! If he could make jonin he'd be able to get choicer assignments than watching over a bunch of damn brats and he'd have access to intel that would sell that much dearer.

Well, THIS information would certainly endear him to those other agencies. They might even contact him about acquiring a few samples. And it might well up the priority of his previous report on that damn fox's experiments with summoning and get rid of Naruto Uzumaki without him having to lift a finger.

* * *

"Okay, taijutsu. Pair up. One to each circle. Instructors will grade you on overall performance. Ring one, Choji Akimichi versus Uzume. Ring two, Sasuke Uchiha versus Benitsubasa. Ring three, Naruto Uzumaki versus Kaho. No weapons, no ninjutsu, strictly taijutsu."

Iruka waited, keeping an eye on the various matches until he saw everyone was ready. "Make the unison sign - begin!"

* * *

The beginning of the day had started off with calisthenics, running, a timed agility course, and target practice. Lunch had been followed by deadweight carries, chakra examination by a sensor, and now the taijutsu test.

"I will respect you, Naruto-sama, by not holding back!"

"That's just how I want it!" declared Naruto.

"You are faster than that, Naruto-sama! Fight me with everything you have!" said Kaho before her foot caught Naruto in the side of his head.

"Ung," said Naruto before shrugging it off and coming at her in earnest.

"Stop," said the referee, one of the instructors he'd never met before. "Uzumaki. Flailing away wildly won't score well. Use the taijutsu you've been taught."

"This IS what I've been taught," complained Naruto.

"Don't worry, sensei," said Kaho. "My sisters and I shall improve his skills when things have settled down some."

The referee glanced at Kaho, then around before settling his gaze back to Naruto. "Uzumaki, I'm not sure if I should pity you or envy you. So I'll just declare this Kaho's win and suggest you pay attention to their lessons in the future."

* * *

Sasuke had started out confident in his skills. Some pink-haired wannabe kunoichi who'd just started the Academy versus him? A year younger and at least four inches shorter? Easy match.

Her casual block of his attack, and the replying palmstrike that threw him out of the ring dissuaded him from that notion.

"Wait, that's it?" asked Benitsubasa. "I thought you were supposed to be something major, but you ain't nothing."

Sasuke rolled back to his feet, suppressing the brief flare of pain from the impact site of his right shoulder.

"Don't dismiss me so lightly," practically growled Sasuke as he entered the ring and settled down to try again.

"Try to give me a little fight at least," said Benitsubasa, her expression of disgust remaining.

Sasuke vowed, he didn't know when or where or how, but he was going to wipe that expression off her face.

* * *

"You're pretty good," said Choji, shrugging off another kick.

"You can take a hit pretty good too, but you aren't fast enough to land one on me," said Uzume.

"Tie then," said their instructor. "Weapons are the next testing phase. You might think about what you want to try while waiting for everyone to finish."

* * *

"Yosh!" said the girl. "Number 48, Kujika!"

"Uhm, right," said Sakura Haruno, settling into her stance.

"This'll be fun!" declared Kujika. "Hey, hey! Choose, left or right?"

Sakura just attacked, throwing a punch.

"Both then!" declared Kujika, slapping aside the strike and then elbow-smashing Sakura's face in a blur of motion. Her right palmstrike smacked Sakura's temple and was followed a second later by a punch into her midsection that had little bits of breakfast surging forward.

* * *

Mitsuki pointed down. "Uhm. I take it this is what they call a 'glass jaw'?"

The instructor leaned over, picked up Ino's arm, then let it go. There was no effort to stop it or keep the limp hand from impacting her own face. "Yup. Definitely needs to work on her avoidance and blocking."

"Maybe she's just really really weak," offered Mitsuki. "Come on. Tell me that SOMEONE around here is going to challenge me. And I'm not even a Close Range type!"

* * *

Tallying up the physical scores was something that normally would be done by the chunin teachers. In this case, however, it was given to jonin. Specifically from those in the village who were on the roster to be jonin-sensei in a few months.

"Interesting," said Kurenai Yuhi. It hadn't taken long before her own curiosity regarding the process, and a check of the various samples of handwriting, before she'd ended up being the one to write the report.

"So the 'temporary instructors' were mainly from T&I," said Asuma Sarutobi. "You can tell which ones. They're the ones with the most details."

"Not done yet?" asked Kakashi Hatake.

"Haven't you finished that book yet?" asked Kurenai.

"Not yet," said Kakashi.

"Total scores are on the board," said Kurenai. "Overall score, followed by taijutsu score, overall strength, overall speed."

"I have serious doubts about all this," said Kakashi.

"The Hokage has taken a 'wait and see' attitude on it," said Asuma, not referencing his father as such - as that decision had been made entirely by his father's good-of-the-village mode. Which he had had several arguments about and regarding over the years.

"I wonder how the mental tests are going to go?" asked Kurenai. That was more her area of specialty after all.

* * *

Sakura smiled, her pencil moving almost on its own. A written exam? This was MUCH more like it in her opinion. NOT getting kicked out of the ring by some weird girl she'd never seen before.

Who'd been so chipper during the whole thing.

Well, look at that Musubi NOW. She was so lost she was... she was even more lost than NARUTO!

Though at least Musubi had helped her up afterwards and been friendly enough about it. Unlike that Kujika girl.

* * *

"Frikkin' great," grumbled Naruto. A written test. Math. Geography. Cryptography.

How the heck was he supposed to do well on this kind of crap?

Well, it looked like the notes that Matsu had given him would have to be used after all.

* * *

Matsu smirked as Naruto-tan began using the notes she'd made for him. It would have been a lot easier if the file system used here was computerized, but she'd adapted and begun memorizing various jutsu used for spying.

And having learned such things, one had to practice them after all. It wasn't enough to simply know how to do a technique, you had to be able to pull it out in all sorts of circumstances. Right? Right!

She had to make up for her abyssal performance yesterday.

* * *

Hinata let her bangs cover her eyes as she used her Byakugan.

She had done quite well yesterday against the glasses-wearing girl during the taijutsu section, and her second match had been against Ino Yamanaka. The latter had obviously not been at her usual level, still feeling the effects of her previous match.

She had done somewhat less well in the agility course and speed trials.

Then she'd fought Katsuragi and hadn't done quite so well. Katsuragi turned out to be quite strong and fast, and as she was using the Academy style instead of the Juuken - there just hadn't been any way to compensate for that advantage.

First was this written test, then there would be hand-signs and chakra manipulation, a test involving genjutsu - the details of which she was not familiar with, and finally the end of the day was something called Resistance Testing.

She'd only investigated on the most basic level, if they REALLY hadn't wanted anyone to know they'd have hidden the schedule better than having it right there on the front of a proctor's clipboard after all.

* * *

She had to do better, the prestige of the Yamanaka clan was at stake. After her humiliation the previous day she would excel today, for mental challenges were the dominion of the Yamanaka clan!

First the written test, now this. Hand-signs and chakra manipulation. She could ace this easily, but apparently the exercise involved a long sequence at the end of which a spike of chakra had to be maintained.

Still, this was child's play for one of her clan.

She just had to worry about the other parts of today's testing because she knew she had these two aced!

* * *

Sasuke sat down in the chair, elbows resting on the table, not sure what was going on but confident that he'd do well. The loss of the previous day had obviously been a fluke.

The woman who entered was one he was unfamiliar with. On seeing her red eyes, for a moment he had thought of his clan's Sharingan eyes before he noticed the lack of markings.

"So, are you ready to begin?" asked the woman, taking a seat opposite him.

"Let's get this over with," said Sasuke.

"Fine," said the woman, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath.

Sasuke displayed some irritation at whatever delay was going on. Some insect buzzed his right ear, drawing a distracted swat.

He opened his mouth, preparing to say something about how he was waiting, but then he realized what was happening.

* * *

Yahan frowned at the chunin who'd apparently decided to read some book rather than give her the test.

_Chunin from the vest, but something is off on the appearance. What is it?_

_His shadow. The shadow doesn't have the bandana covering his hair, is larger than the light would allow for, and - something else. Not important._

_Some flying insect? Nothing was here a moment ago. No openings that I see. How did it get in? Genjutsu. Now, let's see. What am I supposed to do? Dispel the genjutsu or point out the errors?_

"KAI!"

* * *

Tsukiumi sniffed at these ridiculous tests. When one talked about "Suiton" techniques, she was supreme - and she should be passed immediately upon the strength of that!

Now there was some mystery test after that ridiculous bit of illusions. How dare these monkeys judge HER by THEIR ridiculous standards?

"Very well," the chunin said. "Pass."

"Wait, what?" asked Tsukiumi.

* * *

"Well, that was a bust," said Kakashi Hatake as the various jonin got together at the end of the day.

"Which part?" asked Asuma.

"Killing Intent Resistance," clarified Kakashi.

"Ah, I got one that was so exhausted and twitchy that she actually fell asleep while I was ramping things up," admitted Shigeru.

"Mine was so busy with an internal dialogue she apparently never noticed," said Mikuru. "If I'd brought it up to level six, it would have worked but since we were restricted to 'what chunin should be able to produce' - not so much."

"Oh? I'd forgotten about that," said Kakashi. "I went to nine before deciding it wasn't working."

There was a brief silence and more than a few odd looks being given Kakashi before Kurenai Yuhi finally spoke up. The numbers weren't anything official after all. Just a rough number used as a reference like the pain scale, and like that one-to-ten range was pretty subjective. "'Nine'? That should be enough to cause an Academy student to die from intent alone. Why go that far?"

"She just seemed amused," said Kakashi with a slight shrug.

"Who'd you get?" asked Asuma.

"Hatae, I think her name was," Kakashi mumbled as he put most of his attention into the book in his hands.

"Yes, there's a few where they seem to take such things in stride," said Mikuru. "Others are more typical of their age group and such."

"Do you suppose the Hokage was intending for us to get a feel for this group of soon-to-graduate students in case we DO end up with genin to train?" asked Asuma.

"Of course," responded Kurenai.

There were a few other muttered agreements following that. The Hokage being sneaky, well, that was in his job description wasn't it?

"So, who would  you want on a team?" asked Asuma of Kurenai.

* * *

The fourth day was chakra. Techniques known, with various clan techniques being critiqued by the clan representitives. Speed of pulling off the technique, situational and environment awareness, and chakra/stamina observed. How long could a technique like henge be kept running? How easy was it for a student to switch from one to another? How fast could they assess the situation changing?

Values were assigned, scores noted.

Since individual testing couldn't really be done with that many people, it had ended up with small groups.

* * *

Choji was aware of the girl who kept watching him. He was not entirely sure what to make of this development. He waited until she was being tested before broaching the subject. "Uhm. Shika?"

"Yeah," said Shikamaru tiredly.

"Why does that girl keep watching me?" asked Choji.

"Are you DENSE?" asked Ino, aggravated. Then her expression turned more playful. "You really don't know?"

"Ino," said Shikamaru. He sighed before continuing. "Don't be more troublesome than you have to be."

"Hmph," snorted Ino.

"Her name is Yashima," said Shikamaru. "I forget her number. If you haven't noticed, there are three girls who keep watching you like that."

"WHAT?! They're not... after my chips are they?" asked Choji.

"I'm pretty sure that's not it," said Shikamaru drily.

"Oh. Then why?" asked Choji, reaching for another chip.

"Okay, Yakima, go back. Ino, you're up," said Inoichi Yamanaka, their evaluator.

"Piece of cake," said Ino, striding forward.

"It's Yashima," complained the hammer-wielder as she got back to the line.

Choji spent time looking over his bag of chips, trying not to pay attention to the girl who kept sneaking glances in his direction.

Shikamaru grumbled something under his breath before speaking a bit louder. "You sekirei aren't up on a lot of the cultural things in our world are you?"

"Uhm, no," admitted Yashima. "Is there something I've been doing... wrong?"

"If you want to be his friend, you should introduce yourself," said Shikamaru.

"Ah," said Yashima, moving to Choji's side and bowing once. "Hello. I am Yashima. Sekirei number eighty-four. Please treat me well."

Choji blinked, then brightened. That's all it was? She wanted to be his friend? She'd just used a formal business introduction, so she wanted to work with him as a ninja? "Oh. Choji Akimichi. Please do the same."

* * *

"Now keep the chakra pulse going as long as you can," said Shigeru to Yahan.

"Odd grouping," said Kochou.

"Not really, we're all 'brain-types' here," offered Matsu.

"What was that?" asked Sakura Haruno, thinking this involved her prominent forehead.

"They grouped us as four students because they didn't have enough evaluators for one-on-one," said Matsu, adjusting her glasses. "They put us together because we're all high-ranked in academics or information gathering."

"Oh," said a mollified Sakura.

"Yahan," said Matsu, nodding towards the one currently being tested. "Number fifty-seven. Shadow manipulator, but unlike the Nara techniques uses them for concealment and shadow-walking. Well suited for being a spy."

"I see," said Sakura, wondering what Sasuke was doing now.

"Whereas both you and I are learning fuuinjutsu and other techniques for acquiring information remotely," said Kochou.

"Right, our innate abilities for technology-interface aren't really of much use here," agreed Matsu. "Fortunately, there are alternatives."

"Okay, Yahan, that's enough. Take a rest," said Shigeru, the chunin turning towards his group. "Sakura. You're up. Start with the three Academy techniques - Kawarimi first."

* * *

Sasuke watched, not really concerned with things.

Natsu Hyuga, a branch family member of the Hyuga clan who seemed to double as a maid from her clothing, was their evaluator. It wasn't as if they could get an Uchiha to evaluate him.

The others alongside him were of no concern. Two of these new girls, that was all. His only thought regarding that was that at least he was spared some of the more shrill among his admirers. The third was the quiet Hyuga girl who sat in the back of the class. Also of no concern.

"Uchiha-san. Your turn. Starting with the three Academy techniques, demonstrate Bunshin."

* * *

"You still can't do Bunshin?" asked Iruka Umino.

"Not so much," admitted Naruto.

"Well, your Henge and Kawarimi are passable, but Kawarimi could use some further work," said Iruka, making notes. "Chakra pool and recovery though - very good. If you had control to match those, you'd be formidable with ninjutsu."

"I'm working on that," said Naruto. "Matsu and Kaho are coaching me."

"I'm surprised they can keep you going on that," said Iruka, smiling slightly. "I know how boring you said that sort of thing is."

"Well, if I don't - they tell Miya," said Naruto, pausing to shudder. "She starts doing that thing with the mask. I REALLY don't like it when she brings that out."

"Oh?" asked Iruka, wondering if that was a genjutsu or something. "Well, in any case. Nina, your turn. I want to see you start with Bunshin."

Nina startled, the lace-wearing girl seeming to shake off her distraction before turning her attention to the required ninjutsu.

* * *

"So the Leaf just came into a resource," said Basin as his group went through the practiced motions of striking their overnight camp. "We have to acquire that resource or make sure it is of no use to the Leaf."

"You really think there's something to the intel?" asked Sinku. "Refugees from some distant land, something along the line of Kiri's bloodline purge? Dozens of kekkei genkai?"

"No doubt it's pretty badly exaggerated," admitted Basin, his eyes sweeping the assembled twelve ninja. A true strike force, they'd moved here with sealed orders and only now was he revealing the target and mission parameters. "Even if it is only HALF that - it's a resource that we need to grab. Now bury anything that can be used to identify us. You were ordered to leave anything like that behind, but I know you lot. Smokes, lighters, anything that can be used to identify us. We need to hit hard and fast and get back out."

"This wasn't the original mission," said Faaseto. "It was that summoner kid, wasn't it?"

"Secondary target," agreed Basin. "Same deal. Capture if possible, kill otherwise."

* * *

"Ara. Are you sure about this?" asked Miya, pausing in the time-honored ritual of sweeping the steps in front of her inn.

"Yes. You are a formidable opponent. I would be honored if you would spar with me."

"Now now, Uzuki-san, I am simply a humble landlady seeking to take care of my adopted little brother," said Miya, lightly covering her mouth with one hand while the other held a broom. "Are you sure this would be proper behavior?"

"Miya-san, this is a ninja village," pointed out Yugao, not currently wearing a mask or visiting in her ANBU occupation. "This is entirely appropriate for such a location."

"Ah, well, if it would be considered normal within such," said Miya, cocking her head to the side. "Then I suppose I can set some time aside in my schedule."

* * *

"This is your final exam," said Iruka Umino, looking over the group of students. "Putting everything you know about your strengths and limitations on the line. This is an infiltration mission simulation. Survival is the bottom line. You will have one hour to hide. At that time, teams of ANBU and ANBU candidates will be trying to find you. If you are caught, you're out of the test."

"That's unfair!" exclaimed Ino Yamanaka. "ANBU are among the elite of the village! Putting them up against us when we haven't even graduated?!"

"I didn't say 'you fail'," pointed out Iruka. "The longer you are uncaptured - the better your score. All training grounds regular use have been suspended until the end of this test. It is very strongly suggested that you avoid Training Ground 44 - The Forest Of Death. However, if you see a set of three flares go up - that means there is an emergency and the test is suspended. Likewise the ANBU will begin rounding up everyone at that time. Sakura?"

"How is this 'infiltration'?" asked Sakura. "Sounds more like 'avoidance' or 'escape' to me."

"Both are necessary for infiltration to be successful," said Iruka. "There will also be extra points given for those who make it to the guardpost near the Hokage Tower. For those who make it past the patrols and checkpoints - that score will be used instead of the time-based one."

"Teams of three," said Mizuki, holding up a large box.

"Pfeh," indicated Sasuke.

"Genin teams are always three genin and a more experienced instructor, usually a jonin," said Iruka, reaching into the box. "Hinata Hyuga." Another grab. "Uzume." A third slip was pulled. "Mutsu. You're the first team."

The three looked very uncertain as they gathered near the teachers.

"Second team. Sasuke Uchiha. Sakura Haruno-"

"YES!"

"-and Hibiki. Third team. Chiyo. Yuna. Kujika."

* * *

Naruto glanced at his two partners for this test. One nodded back, the other just spent his time looking over the trees.

"Don't worry, Naruto-san," said Homura, letting fire dance around his fingers. "We can do this."

"Homura, your control over fire isn't that exact. Not until we get old enough to get an Ashikabi," said the other. "Try not to set anything on fire. In fact, we're hiding - so best not to use it at all."

"I know that," said Homura, pulling a mask up to cover his lower face. "Just announcing intention."

The other nodded. "Number Nine. Tsukiumi. I shall show you, Naruto-sama, that I am the strongest of the Sekirei!"

"'sama'?" asked Naruto, curious.

"Th-th-that was a slip of the tongue," quickly corrected Tsukiumi, blushing and turning away. "As if I would accept a monkey like you as my Ashikabi! Ha! The very idea is ridiculous!"

"For a couple of years, at least," softly added Homura.

"Of course, I mean - WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?!" asked Tsukiumi, rounding on Homura. "I am certainly NOT suggesting anything of the sort!"

"Oh, so you're interested in Sasuke Uchiha instead?" asked Homura. "By the way, the test has started."

"THAT SULLEN LITTLE SNIT?!" asked Tsukiumi. "Beyond unacceptable... 'started'?"

* * *

"Did she just call Sasuke a 'sullen little snit'?" asked Ino. "I've half a mind to go over there and slap her!"

"You've half a mind period," quipped Sakura, passing her friend as her team just went ahead and started running.

"WHAT WAS THAT?!" yelled Ino.

"This is so very troublesome," said Shikamaru. "Choji? Good luck."

"You too," said Choji, offering a chip to one of his team. Yashima considered the bag for a moment as if she was wondering if something was going to leap out at her.

* * *

Team Sasuke:

"I don't suppose either of you are good with Earth Release?" asked Hibiki.

"'Earth Release'?" asked Ino.

"No. Fire Release." Sasuke continued walking.

"Well, I'm 'Lightning', but I'm only half-strength without Hikari."

"Useless," indicated Sasuke.

_crackle-zap!_

Sasuke looked at the smouldering patch of grass directly in front of him. He considered that and appended his statement slightly. "Mostly useless."

"Yeah, right," said Hibiki. "We'll see. In the meantime they'll be coming. How do we avoid them? You got any stealth jutsu, pinkie?"

"Sakura," corrected Sakura. "No. Do you?"

"Not until I'm older," indicated Hibiki. "I'm an elemental-type, not a taijutsu-type, so I'll get faster and stronger but not to that degree."

"Whatever," said Sasuke, frowning as they continued on. "That pink-haired girl."

"Benitsubasa? The gal who beat you like a taiko drum at a festival?"

Sasuke GLARED at Hibiki.

"You can't talk like that to Sasuke!" indicated Sakura.

Hibiki caught the glare shifting to Sakura before Sasuke composed himself.

"Yeah, she's a 'taijutsu type' I guess you'd call her," said Hibiki. "So, any ideas on how to proceed? Like maybe we should get off the path?"

Sasuke considered the trail they were following. "Don't need you or anyone."

"Fine, fine," said Hibiki. "You know what? I'm gonna see if I can find Hikari. You two lovebirds have fun."

"Kyaa! 'Lovebirds'? Well, I certainly wouldn't say that," said Sakura, momentarily lost in a world of young romance.

Sasuke quietly slipped off during that period. Alone - his chances of avoiding patrols would be much greater.

* * *

Team Mutsu:

The sword thumped once on the ground and the earth split.

"Not big enough to hide in," noted Uzume.

"I can't see anyone nearby," said Hinata, letting her Byakugan fade.

"That's pretty handy," said Uzume. "Can't keep it going for long though, huh?"

"No, gomen nasai," apologized Hinata.

"Don't apologize," said Uzume, showing a bit of irritation. "A little warning is a lot better than no warning at all."

* * *

Team Naruto:

"Yahooo!" exclaimed Naruto as the three of them made another leap that seemed almost ready to defy gravity completely.

"Almost there," said Homura as they left the training grounds altogether. _That's the plan. Get as close to the Hokage Tower as we can before the ANBU are set to chase us. Repeatedly mentioning the hiding and avoidance part was just to mislead those not paying attention. The real goal is reaching that guardpost._

"How much time?" asked Tsukiume as they switched from leaping to just flat out running with Naruto piggy-back on Homura.

Naruto checked his watch. "Five minutes."

* * *

"Three teams figured out they could just go directly for the goal," noted the Hokage as he watched from the window.

"Naruto's among them," noted Iruka.

"Four teams have broken up already," noted the Hokage.

"It was bound to happen with some, they just seem mutually antagonistic," noted Iruka.

"Yes," said the Hokage. "About that."

* * *

Shikamaru stopped to catch his breath despite being practically dragged along.

"There's another team, maybe we should stop them."

"It's not a contest. Not a race," managed Shikamaru.

"You're way too lazy about all this," said the Sekirei. "Ready for the last big push yet?"

"Yes," admitted Shikamaru. "Let's get this over with."

* * *

"Where," said Choji, running behind a tree, "was it said we had to fight EACH OTHER?!"

"They didn't forbid it did they?! Come back here and die like a man!"

"I think," said Choji, ducking and rolling under an attack that sliced into the wood, "it would be a lot better to LIVE as one instead! A little help here!"

"Aye sir!" said Yashima. "Gravity Hammer!"

"Too slow!" declared Yomi, switching targets immediately.

"Number Eighty-two, Hari!" said Choji's other team member for this test.

"Why are you two standing around?!" demanded Yomi. "Get them!"

"Uhm," said Tobio. "They got a point. We don't have to fight each other."

"Can't we just be friends?" asked Oshino.

"No! You guys are NO help," answered Yomi. Her scythe cut through Choji without any sensation of resistance. "What?! Bunshin?"

"HUMAN BOULDER!" came from a branch above her just before a large spherical mass crashed down onto her.

Choji dropped the technique and got back up, leaving a slightly flattened Yomi on the ground.

"Should we rescue her?" asked Oshino as Choji's team left.

Tobio thought about that and nodded. "We're a team. But let's not wake her up if we don't have to. It'll be a lot quieter."

* * *

They were tough ninja from a tougher village. They didn't specialize in "snatch and grab" though - sabotage and assassination and creative banditry were more their usual task. Creating work for their village by posing as bandits and then fleeing from the ninja sent to investigate was one of their usual things to do. They also did a number of things for their village that their village would prefer not be traced back to them for any reason.

"Lightning Fang!" Sinku threw two kunai at once, a thin strip of wire linking the two blades. His jutsu charged it with raiton, or Lightning chakra, which served a very simple purpose.

They wrapped around his target's neck and she went down.

Sinku checked anyway. His target  could be faking it - but there was no indication of that. He moved quickly, using ties with sealing tags looped around them.

Pink hair. Had to be one of those kekkei genkai types. Odd that she was all alone, but that just made her capture all the easier.

He laid her out, checking his scroll, and began the jutsu.

* * *

Danzo Shimura was conflicted. This did not happen all that often.

On the one hand, these 'Sekirei' could make the village stronger. Much stronger over following generations if his initial studies were correct.

That EMOTION made these creatures more powerful ran a bit contrary to his normal modus operandi, true. Still, stronger was stronger. Karasuba - as an example, for all that she was thirteen years old, showed every sign of being a powerful and ruthless shinobi who could end up in ROOT or ANBU where she could distinguish herself.

"Sir. Foreign ninja are moving to interrupt the test."

"I know," said Danzo. He'd leaked those details himself after all. If one of the foreign villages killed a few of the least useful of these Sekirei - that would motivate the remainder. If one or two ended up missing, well - at least some foreign nin would be dead and therefore perfect scapegoats.

That his own experts could then test their genetics in more detail and perhaps do some bloodline transfer experiments was something nobody needed to know about.

However, there was a conflict. He found himself curious. What could they do for the village without his involvement? How would this emotion-powered attacks mesh with any sort of disciplined fighting force?

And why did he keep having to fight an impulse to get a billowing longcoat with a high collar?

* * *

Naruto went back, blood flying from his wound.

"You threw a kunai into his knee?" asked Homura. "So you're trying to capture him?"

"Idiot," said Basin. "Give up now or die."

"Here's my answer," said Homura, thrusting his hands forward. "Burn!"

Spiraling columns of flame shot into the foreign nin, who burst into steam a moment later.

"What?!" asked Homura, patting out the sleeves of his shirt that were on fire.

"It's called a water clone," said the foreign nin, stepping out from behind a tree. "I'm a water specialist, bad news for you as a half-trained fire specialist. Water gun no jutsu!"

The water bullets went about half-way across before suddenly stopping in midair.

"You! You arrogant monkey!" proclaimed Tsukiumi from where she had been checking Naruto. "Not only do you attack us, you claim to master water! Such impudence shall be PUNISHED!"

The water bullets began slamming into Basin furiously, but he blocked most of them with a shield he formed of water. "Not bad. Give you another few years and you might be a problem. Maybe they'll give you to me when they decide to breed you."

Tsukiumi's temper went from Furious to Overwhelming. The ground rent as underground streams became geysers. A long, serpentine, and HUNGRY looking dragon formed in the geysering waters.

The foreign-nin dodged the initial attack and then drew kunai. "Okay, this is-"

"Enough," said an abruptly-there ANBU, fingers dug into the head of the foreigner, who was dangling at arm's length. "You three. You are currently one-half block from the Tower. Go. As for you, you are going to tell me everything."

* * *

Mutsu brought his sword around, blocking and grounding out the electrical attack.

Uzume sent a ribbon out to snap at one of the other nin.

"Three circling, three here," stated Hinata, her Byakugan going. "I-"

"This is bad," stated Choji as one of the nin used a spray of kunai - some of which were apparently immaterial clones and some were not.

"No crap," stated Tobio. "They're probably not sure what some of these Sekirei can do."

"Watch out," said Oshino, moving in front of Hinata.

The chain-spear went directly through Oshino and into Hinata.

"Okay, that didn't work too well," commented Oshino before her eyes fluttered closed.

* * *

"Three flares," said Shikamaru. "That's the signal. Good thing we already made it."

"No thanks to you. Anyone ever tell you that you're slow and lazy?"

"Gee, you sound like my mom," complained Shikamaru to the more vocal of his two Sekirei team-mates.

* * *

"Who were they?" said the Hokage.

Inoichi sighed. "They were primarily water users. Trail leads South. Some of their equipment was manufactured in Kiri."

"So... Iwa?" asked the Hokage.

"Yeah, that's what I was able to pull out of the survivors' minds," agreed Inoichi.

"Which Iwa will immediately deny, claim that these are criminal missing-nin, and demand return of the bodies," noted Hiruzen Sarutobi.

The ANBU with the Chameleon mask held up a hand.

"No, you may not stuff their bodies with explosive notes before returning them," said the Hokage.

* * *

There was an ancient tradition, one that had existed before there was ever a Konohagakure. Soldiers who died in combat before making a name for themselves were dressed in red. Red for their blood spilled fighting either a superior opponent or dying with their potential unrealized. Eventually this became a red ribbon, but it was remembered as a shirt of that color.

Many ANBU were only chunin level, and sometimes they were referred to as "red shirts" by the more experienced ones in accordance with that ancient tradition. Don't bother getting to know them, they'd be dead soon. Only those who survived their third brush with violence had earned the right to be seen as seasoned within the ANBU ranks.

Having a couple of weeks to plan this exercise, most of the ANBU present for the testing phase had passed the "red shirt" phase and were of the "seasoned" variety. Fully sixteen of the ANBU were of the category that went beyond "seasoned" and were considered of the "badass" category. These were jonin or special jonin who were mostly operating outside of the village on missions, arranged to be present because of the planning involved.

When foreign nin were going after Academy students, the only hesitation had involved finding out whether this was something the Hokage had planned. Once the Hokage's eyes had narrowed and the tiniest bit of frown had shown up - that was all they needed. The ANBU went to work.

Six of the ANBU present for the test were "red shirts" and four of those died. All four of those bought time for the students for the other ANBU to gather.

The team of foreign-nin contained six that were at least jonin level. Had there not been as many jonin-rank ninja present as there were - at least some of the sekirei would likely have vanished to appear in another village's breeding program or killed for genetic material that could be spliced.

* * *

Mizuki narrowed his eyes as he saw a group of foreign ninja getting their butts kicked. Had there not been so many ANBU coming out of the shadows, he might have been able to bring a sample of one of these bloodlines to a high bidder. As it was, if he were spotted - this would not turn out at all well for him.

He'd have to wait for another opportunity.

* * *

"So what happened?" asked Hiashi Hyuga, his Byakugan activated. "On her back is a complex seal, with a much smaller one on her forehead."

"The one on the forehead isn't visible to normal methods, but yes we noticed," said Doctor Hayashibara. "Oshino, Sekirei number 85, was dying. Your daughter was also dying due to the same attack by a foreign-nin. Oshino regained consciousness and performed an emergency technique that merged her 'Sekirei Core' with your daughter. At which point Oshino's body died, but your daughter's life signs stabilized."

Hiashi frowned slightly. "She has more chakra."

"Yes, her chakra level was estimated as having doubled," admitted the Doctor, checking her clipboard. "It is too early to tell, but Miya informs us there is roughly a fifty-fifty chance of Hinata developing Sekirei talents. She also informs us that the odds of this happening was one thousand to one. Though this may be an exaggeration to discourage us from trying to test such things."

"'Sekirei talents'? Like a bloodline ability transfer?" asked Hiashi, his voice not indicating any particular emotion regarding the fate of his daughter.

"Similar, as I understand it," admitted Hayashibara. "In the case of number 85 Oshino - her abilities hadn't fully manifested but she was believed to be a Longrange Attack type."

"I see," said Hiashi, giving no hint as to whether he approved or disapproved of this.

* * *

"Results of the testing," said Iruka Umino.

"Oh?" asked the Hokage, taking the papers. "That was rather more quickly than I had expected."

"These are summaries and total scores only, individual analysis will be much slower," noted Iruka.

"Naruto has done well," noted the Hokage.

"Upper third of the class based on these scores," agreed Iruka. "It should be interesting to see where class rankings end up when these scores are figured in."

* * *

Miya looked over the children in the yard as they played, standing on the railing of a balcony and letting the breeze swirl through her hair.

On many of them, their Sekirei Crest was visible whenever their clothes shifted during movement enough to allow that.

It had just been a moment between one universe and another. Had she not glimpsed the Other, she would not have had the chance to alter just a few things.

That the Other had been amenable to those alterations and provided them in considerably less than a second was both gratifying and frightening.

The Sekirei Crest had some problems and flaws that she was well acquainted with. She wasn't well acquainted with humanity and wasn't entirely sure how well her race and these similar in appearance would mesh.

They could still be winged. Winging would boost their abilities, allow them to bond with their human mate, unlock their ability to use Norito. The bond with their mate would allow that mate to get stronger, for some ability for each to feel what the other individual was feeling, for their emotions to boost their abilities. None of that had changed.

The alterations were simple. They could not be forcibly winged. They had to be of a certain developmental stage to wing, unless they were in a clear life-or-death situation and they trusted their bond-mate. These changes were gratifying to her when dealing with a species as chaotic and violent as these humans. They could bond with an Ashikabi whose strength was a reflection of their chakra's strength.

That these changes had been done so quickly, so thoroughly, was quite frightening to her. To the goddess descended to the land with her flock, the ability to do this was nearly beyond her reckoning.

Despite her reservations regarding dealing with something like that, she thought the chances for her flock to end up mostly happy had gone considerably up. THESE humans were not powerless beings who could only stay in the background. THESE humans were of a sort who could stand alongside their Sekirei partners and fight with them.

It was a very different situation from the fate she had glimpsed before the trip to that blue-green world.

* * *

They were young. Naruto was eleven. Not all of the Sekirei were the same age - instead they were spread out over a range.

The graduating class for this year included nine Sekirei.

"Team Gai. Rock Lee has been taken on as a personal apprentice. Rookie of the Year is Neji Hyuga, using scores compiled prior to this year's special testing. Top Kunoichi by the same standards is Tenten. If we had counted those scores, this team would be different though, as Karasuba, Mutsu, and Kazehana all scored exceptionally well in that test."

Neji didn't say a thing, his eyes flicking towards one of those others named. He had glimpsed with his eyes the strength of the one named Karasuba and he was not sure about what would happen were he to face her in combat. She was not only a fellow elite, but a wolf amongst the sheep.

"Team Okami. Karasuba, Rihaku, and Haru. You'll be meeting your sensei in Training Ground 7 tomorrow morning at 0600 - your sensei is currently on a mission and can't make it until then."

* * *

"Don't extend the shoulder," said Benitsubasa. "Come on. You can't even beat the panties off that Uchiha kid at this point!"

Naruto grunted.

"Naruto-sama! I found something!" declared Matsu, waving a scroll.

Kaho glanced to the side, frowned, but decided to remain silent.

Benitsubasa rarely chose to remain silent. "Something ecchi I bet. You're barely twelve and already a pervert!"

"Well, maybe," admitted Matsu, who then shook her head rapidly. "No. That's not it! Naruto-tan can't use the normal Bunshin technique, but I managed to get ahold of this! It has another form of bunshin!"

"So you're thinking if he can't form one sort of 'clone' then another sort might work?" asked Kaho, relieved it wasn't something odd from Matsu. "That's actually a good idea."

"Right!" said Matsu. "And it's even better because these bunshin are more or less solid instead of just images!"

"Hmph," hmphed Benitsubasa. "If he doesn't improve his taijutsu, it won't matter how many of him there are."

"What's it called?" asked Naruto, curious.

"Mizu Bunshin!" declared Matsu.

Tsukiumi perked up on hearing the name of that technique. Sounded right up her alley.

* * *

Yugao deflected the strike, choosing to remain close rather than try to simply avoid the strike as she usually did.

"Trying to kick when you're pressed like this will simply put you off balance," said Miya, deducing Yugao's strategy.

Yugao recovered, making a one-handed handsign to form a clone. Which only lasted a split-second before the clone was dispelled but provided that much of an opening.

Yugao threw herself entirely into attacking.

Miya avoided each strike with an almost casual grace. "I see that the children of the flock are pairing off."

"Not 'pairs'," managed Yugao despite quickly getting winded while trying to press her attack. "Also - young."

"The bulk of them are around eleven," admitted Miya. "This is natural though. They know that in the future they will be choosing an Ashikabi, their future mate, and are assessing those who are viable candidates."

"Eleven, too young," said Yugao, throwing out two more clones to try that tactic.

Miya sighed. "Same trick with a substitution added. You should know by now that I can see through it." The katana flicked out and stabbed through the heart of one image and the next.

"Sensor," grumbled Yugao as she stepped back.

"While it is true that they are too young to 'wing' themselves to anyone," said Miya, putting her sword away, "it is perfectly natural at that age to make plans for the future."

Yugao drew deep breaths and didn't reply.

Miya looked out over the village from their rooftop practice circle. "I'm glad that I did ask for those changes. Otherwise I think half of them would have winged themselves by now."

"'Changes'?" asked Yugao.

"The trip here when Uzumaki-san summoned us, there were changes in transit," said Miya. "Not important. Any idea of the identity of those who attacked my flock?"

Yugao considered the question for a moment. Technically, none of it was really classified - the attack being entirely too much in public knowledge to be considered secret in any means. Some details which SHOULD have been classified had been leaked already in any case. Probably from the same sort of sources that spread misinformation like the Kyubi's identity and of the Cloud attack on the Hyuga.

Yugao decided that at least some details could be released, especially as no attempt to classify details had been made. "They had equipment from Kiri, apparently originated from Iwa, but Iwa has stated that they have no record of these individuals."

"Any in the Bingo Books?" asked Miya.

"No," said Yugao. "Nor are they listed as having gone through any chunin exam we have records for."

"I see," said Miya. The wind teased her hair for a moment. "I heard a rumor that they escaped with one of my flock."

"No, there was an Academy girl who was kidnapped, but she was recovered," said Yugao, wanting THAT rumor crushed immediately. It was true, after all. She just seemed a bit odd since her recovery. "Three members of your flock died, but we were able to recover their bodies."

* * *

"She was dying, cause unknown at that time. While she was rescued by Uzumaki and his associates, the thief apparently did some technique that would have killed her by the end of the day. We asked for volunteers after what happened with Hinata Hyuga. We got one."

The Hokage nodded, looking in at the pink-haired Academy student. "Still no idea what was done to her?"

The doctor nodded. "The Sekirei Core is similar to the part of the chakra system where spiritual and physical energy are mixed. The coil system in the area of the Gate Of View. The attack was meant to extract that center - killing the target by eliminating their chakra entirely."

"Except she lived through it," noted the Hokage.

"It's doubtful it would have worked against a sekirei," offered the doctor. "The backlash might have killed both the target and the attacker but it only was this successful because Haruno there had so little chakra to resist the technique."

"You're saying someone got some details of the sekirei and tried to work out an attack to immobilize or kill one," said the Hokage.

"Which means a spy somewhere at the main hospital, they haven't been here that long and the only diagnostics done have been there," said the doctor. "Which is why Haruno-san was moved here. I was at first uncertain about allowing the Uzumaki boy to accompany her."

"Apparently he has a liking for her," said the Hokage. "The procedure was a success?"

"Both she and Hinata Hyuga have Sekirei Cores," said the doctor. "I work primarily for T&I - I would suggest continuing care and notes be placed entirely within that department."

* * *

"Ungh." It felt like she'd been submerged in deep black waters and was just now floating on the surface. It required an immense effort to open her eyes.

"Here's some water," said a voice nearby.

Blinking helped, the world gradually coming into focus. A glass of water with a straw being held nearby. She tried to make a noise, it came out as a croak. The blurred yellow-haired boy moved the straw closer to her mouth where she could sip on it.

"Eh?" she asked, the blurs coming into focus slowly.

"You were caught by the enemy nin," said the voice nearby. "I saved you. Well, me and a couple of others. It's been about three days."

"Eh?" she asked, moving her head slightly and the water was taken away. She tried to focus on the boy. "Who?"

"Naruto Uzumaki. Your classmate? I asked you out a few times."

_Ah. This was a friend then? Was he her boyfriend? He seems a little familiar but he said 'asked out' not 'dated' - so did I turn him down?_ She shook her head. "You are a friend of mine?"

"Well, yeah, I got permission from the docs to be here cause of that," said Naruto, grinning at her. "You want to see a doc yet?"

"Wanna sleep," she confessed. "Question?"

"Sure, whatcha want ta know?" asked Naruto.

"Who am I?"

* * *

"Amnesia?" asked the Hokage.

"Yes, apparently one of the times we revived her - there was damage. The brain damage was reversed when the chakra system rebuilt - she can heal extraordinarily fast as a result of that, but her memories were largely lost." The doctor shook his head. "She's gone to visit her parents, and she's relearning everything rapidly. Perhaps too rapidly."

"How can her recovery be 'too rapid'?" asked the Hokage.

* * *

She wasn't an idiot. Far from it. She knew she was being watched and that while some eyes were friendly or easily fooled, some were not of either category.

She hadn't remembered so much as her name three days ago when she'd awoken in that hospital room. There were still a few gaps that she didn't quite have. Since then, she'd gathered information and had no problem remembering any of that data. It just felt a bit surreal to her, as if it was a story about someone else altogether and not quite her.

She was Sakura Haruno, age twelve. Former friend of Ino Yamanaka, and the reason that she was no longer her friend didn't make a whole lot of sense. Some boy that apparently had absolutely no interest in either of them? She'd seen the boy since then, though she hadn't talked to him. Seemed a bit self-absorbed and he "felt" off to her as well.

She remembered dying. The missing-nin that had taken her had flipped open some scroll, made a hand sign, and then used one glowing hand to rip her body apart. She had felt as if she was being dissected down to the essence.

Then there had been some yelling, but at that point she'd been mainly concerned with looking down at her own apparently-dead body and filled with more regret than anything she'd felt since then.

That particular memory had come bubbling up from the big blank area last night in a set of dreams. As well as something involving a talking cat, sock puppets, and a singing burrito.

Her memory, Sakura concluded, was REALLY screwed up.

Still she remembered what details she'd gathered of her previous life, but things were different now and she was laboring to keep the watchers from realizing HOW different things were.

She could sense presences. The Hokage, usually out of sight when he was present, was like a bonfire that had been allowed to slowly dim itself. Burning out but not there yet, and if needed he'd prod his reserves into a blazing conflagaration that could kill her before she'd even begun to react.

The boy who ignored her. Dark and edgy and the feeling of something poisonous there. Sasuke Uchiha. No particular memories there, so maybe he'd done something particularly impressive that had attracted her interest back then?

Ino Yamanaka. Flowers. Bright and colorful, but not very substantial. Pleasant though and stopped making references to the Uchiha when it was obvious that Sakura wasn't interested.

Hinata Hyuga. The doctors had introduced the two of them during testing. A kindred spirit of sorts. Two chakras, not fully integrated. She felt of precision and gentleness, sunlight on a grassy field. Sakura wondered how she herself felt to the Hyuga child.

Naruto Uzumaki. A deep dark core of snarling hatred, caged within an unquenchable spirit. One chakra was him, one was something else altogether. More than once she'd been caught just staring at him as she tried to make sense of the boy. That he was concerned about her, and apparently really DID like her a lot - she got that too. It was hard not to like him back, at least a little, in the face of that. He was just so earnest and sincere in his feelings.

Since she couldn't hide that she'd changed, she embraced part of it in front of the watchers. Let them know how quickly she learned and how quickly she healed. A couple of mistakes early on would have left either obvious in any case.

* * *

"Ah," said Miya after opening the door. "Please come in. I was expecting you."

"You were?" asked Hinata.

Miya nodded gently. "It is only to be expected that you were curious."

"It is?" asked Hinata.

"Oshino, Number Eighty-five," said Miya.

"Ah," said Hinata, nodding.

Miya led her guest to the inn's common room. "Just a moment."

When the innkeeper returned, it was with a teatray and a small folder. She placed the folder in front of Hinata before settling down at the table herself and pouring two cups of tea.

Hinata opened up the folder, finding photos and some neatly handwritten pages.

"In your case," said Miya softly, "both you and Oshino were hurt during the attack. One or both of you might have died. Oshino-chan decided to give her core to you as that would allow both of you to survive in a manner of speaking."

"I heard that the odds were a thousand-to-one," said Hinata, almost to herself.

"It's difficult for a core to be given, but it is a matter of compatibility and desire," said Miya. "If it is coerced or forced - it will fail with a one hundred percent rate. If the sekirei and the new host both desire it, both trust each other, or share goals - it becomes much less likely to fail. So, in a manner of speaking, the thousand-to-one odds is not completely inaccurate."

The short-haired tomboyish girl about her age looked back at Hinata from the photo, apparently taken in a moment where she had been playing with a ball.

"Oshino was a, I suppose you might call her an uncertain type," said Miya, thinking. "Her sekirei abilities were latent, she hadn't manifested anything particular, but she seemed to be working towards a long-ranged manifestation. Probably Wind Element."

"I see," said Hinata, going over the information written on the form. Oshino had listed "Gardening" and "Running" as hobbies?

Miya watched the girl reading briefly and sipped at her tea.

* * *

Danzo had one eye visible on his face. He had other eyes though, and not just the ones physically on his body.

"Danzo-sama. You're smiling again."

Danzo Shimura carefully wiped the unfamiliar expression off his face.

He was a patriot and he firmly believed that Konohagakure was the best of the Hidden Villages. He also believed that the current Hokage was weak and not inclined to do the necessary dirty work required to keep a village of ninja prosperous and alive. He also believed that whatever benefitted the village was something to be encouraged.

"Doctor Shinada," said Danzo carefully. "You are certain that you were not fed false information or discovered?"

"Positive," said Shinada. "Doctor Hiroko Matsudera is completely unaware that she has been compromised. It would take more than a surface scan from a Yamanaka to find the implanted directives. She resists on a purely unconscious level, her loyalty to the current Hokage is quite strong, but anything not directly in conflict with that can be obtained. The Haruno girl's healing factor is extraordinary. She can eventually throw off any poison that is not instantly fatal. Kunai or shuriken wounds will heal in hours. When her healing factor is engaged, her food consumption will go up - but that is purely biological and just to fuel the repairs. Quite remarkable."

"Is she a human or a Sekirei at this point?" asked Danzo. If she was human, she could be failed at the Academy and then recruited into ROOT. If she was considered a Sekirei however, their abilities were apparently connected to their emotional states and bonds - and the ROOT training would likely make them much less potentially useful.

"Sekirei," said Shinada with only a moment's hesitation. "Right now her human part is in dominance but as she gets older - I would expect the crest to manifest by her sixteenth year at latest."

"Ah, four years or so then," said Danzo.

"Based on what we've been able to determine so far, Danzo-sama," agreed Shinada.

Danzo nodded, already having made a dozen plans before he'd been able to get much information at all. As information and confirmation came in, some of those paths were cut off and new branches developed.

One thing was clear though, this was an opportunity for his village to grow stronger. Stronger now with the sekirei with some going into civilian life after failing their test, stronger later as they found their partners and activated more fully, and much stronger with their bloodlines added to Konohagakure's population over generations!

"Danzo-sama," softly said the minion.

Danzo wiped the smile off his face before it could take root again. Hmmm. Breeding program. Might have to look into that.

* * *

"Damn, what was with that chill?" asked Naruto.

"Someone leave a freezer door open?" asked Shikamaru.

"It didn't feel quite like that," offered Choji.

"Naw," said Kiba, looking VERY nervous. "Last time I got a chill like that, the water pipes broke and I got a bath."

"I'm pretty sure that's NOT it," said Shikamaru.

"I didn't feel anything," protested Kuno softly.

Choji glanced over at the girl that had recently begun hanging around him. He didn't completely understand that. She seemed shy and reluctant to speak.

No, he really didn't understand that at all.

Shikamaru lay back down on the top of a picnic table, dismissing the odd chill from earlier. He glanced over at Choji, then to Kuno, then smiled faintly.

"I don't get it," said Choji as he sat down.

"Don't worry about it," said Shikamaru. "Less troublesome than it could be."

"Maybe," said Choji. If it had been Ino hanging around them, she tended to be loud and bossy. Kuno was clumsy and tended to be a bit emotional, but mostly quiet.

Still, Choji thought it was odd.

* * *

"I see, so you are filled with the fires of youth and desire to see those fires fed further through taijutsu training beyond that which you can obtain through the Academy," said Maito Gai, not stopping in his morning run.

"Precisely," said Sakura.

"I already have a team, and have been assembling a list of taijutsu trainers who can take on additional students," said Maito Gai, manly tears beginning to track from his eyes. "Many have been approaching me lately for such, and seeking out further honing of their skills. Truly the youth of Konohagakure are showing most youthful vigor and the fires of their determination burn brightly."

"I suppose," said Sakura. "Who do you suggest then?"

* * *

"...but I'm already getting taijutsu training," complained Naruto.

"That's sparring to improve what you already have," said Sakura. "To develop new skills you need a trainer."

"Oh," said Naruto, thinking for a moment before nodding.

"Huh, two new ones eh?" asked the instructor, rotating his shoulders as he stepped up before the line of students. "I'll handle your eval as soon as I get the regulars started on drills. Gai sent you?"

"Who?" asked Naruto.

"Yes, he recommended you," said Sakura.

The instructor eyed Naruto for a moment. "You're the one who came up with the 'Rescue Girls No Jutsu' that's upped my workload from two students to three classes of eight aren't you?"

"Uhm, yeah," said Naruto, thinking this didn't sound good but he WAS pretty proud of that jutsu.

"Good," said the instructor, cracking knuckles. "I'm going to enjoy YOUR evaluation."

Naruto gulped nervously but held his ground. No way he was backing down, that was not his ninja way!

* * *

"Yo, forehead!" called out Ino.

"Yamanaka-san," acknowledged Sakura, continuing to walk home.

"You're limping," noted Ino.

"Still healing," responded Sakura. "Apparently pressure point attacks are more difficult to heal from than mere physical injuries."

"For you, maybe," said Ino. The girl's expression changed a few times as she obviously tried to come up with something to say.

"You should join the taijutsu class," offered Sakura. "After the Academy, about an hour break, then class. The occupation of ninja is a dangerous one after all."

"Thanks for the thought," said Ino. "I have clan training and working at my Mom's flower shop though."

Sakura nodded. She hadn't expected the other girl to take the offer, but perhaps the reminder would be of use.

"So, any more memories return?" asked Ino.

Green eyes flicked towards Ino briefly. "No. One of the texts I managed to read indicated the possibility of outside events triggering the return of associated memories."

"You tend to get really wordy when you're quoting medical stuff you've read," noted Ino.

"Technical journals tend to be written technically," responded Sakura.

"Well, just a hint - you didn't used to speak like you swallowed a dictionary," said Ino. "Though I admit you generally don't talk like that until you get talking about stuff you've read."

Sakura winced as a pop from her knee was followed by a brief numb sensation. At least now she knew how long a major pressure point attack would take to heal.

* * *

"Exceptional group this year."

"Shizuka, that goes beyond understatement." Daisuke let out a deep breath. "All the clan heirs and these sekirei. Not to mention Uzumaki."

"Naruto Uzumaki's scores have improved," said Iruka. "Enough that he's not dead-last anymore."

"Oh, who IS dead-last then?" asked Shizuka.

* * *

Musubi blinked at her report card. "I'm... last?"

"Well, you did well at the hand-to-hand portion," said Miya. "I guess we just need to up your training."

"YAY! MORE TRAINING!" enthused Musubi.

* * *

"So how do we field teams?" asked Daisuke. "We don't have enough jonin to act as sensei for that many that aren't required for missions."

"What about special jonin?" asked Shizuka. "We've a bit more of those."

"Still tricky," said Iruka, who worked the Missions Office enough to be familiar with the number of jonin and special jonin. Not to mention how many missions actually came in. "Most special jonin are assigned to higher level missions that involve their specialty."

"Chunin as Squad Leaders with whatever jonin is off from a mission as a supervisor?" asked Daisuke.

"The Kiri system of a common pool of genin?" tried Shizuka.

"Anything that Kiri uses is not likely to fly," said Iruka. "We have an hour to turn the evaluations in and we ought to have some sort of plan when we do."

"Four man teams?" asked Shizuka, writing out additional names on the initial team groups. "What if we do it this way?"

"That would help," admitted Iruka thoughtfully. He was silent for a moment. "What if-"

* * *

She was a new jonin, having been promoted to jonin just seven months ago.

Prior to that she'd been special jonin, specializing in genjutsu and psychological tactics. Seduction, assassination, and scouting had all been areas where she had proven her skills. Fuuinjutsu was a mixed bag, some areas she excelled in. Her weak areas had been elemental manipulation - particularly gaining that second element. To be a jonin you had to be able to demonstrate at least two elements in high level techniques.

It was natural for her to investigate the genin, and she admitted she had to rethink her opinion of the boy responsible for the largest Konoha Academy graduating class ever.

With her talents in genjutsu - when she didn't want to be seen, it would require someone with an active Byakugan or Sharingan to see her.

"-and so if you do this, you'll automatically make it to the Rookie of the Year status."

"Really, Mizuki-sensei?! That's great! I'll beat that Sasuke once and for all AND get on a team with Sakura-chan?"

"Yeah, it really isn't fair you got such a low ranking in the class - not after your 'Rescue Jutsu' especially. In fact, to make the argument better - bring your copies of the scrolls to that woodcutter shed after you've gotten the kinjutsu scroll."

"Wow. Huh. Okay, I'll do it!"

Kurenai added "gullible" to her assessment of Naruto's file. Though, honestly, there were plenty of adults who would waver if someone they trusted offered them a way to get two major things they really wanted.

Also admittedly, the idea of a secret test wasn't all that out there when you were dealing with a ninja school. At least one test in the Chunin Exams usually involved deception or information gathering, and the Jonin Exam usually was started without the subject knowing about it.

She considered, briefly, going down there and dealing with Mizuki. One kunai and it would be over. Or she could wrap his mind in illusions and turn him over to Ibiki. While it had an elegant simplicity, it would be better to gather more information. After all, many Chunin had suicide techniques they could use. As soon as Mizuki was around a corner, she created a shadow clone to inform the Hokage of her observation.

If there were co-conspirators - best to find out now.

* * *

The Hokage decided much as Kurenai had. The only difference being that he'd have a jonin squad assembled, a stealth specialist called forward, and Kurenai backing off into backup position.

Already on his list of potential things to investigate was a revamp of certain aspects of the Academy. If there was an active traitor on staff - he had to reluctantly advance that revamp a couple of stages in the priority list.

Well, they'd have to see what Ibiki uncovered when Mizuki was questioned about such things.

* * *

"Remember, don't break cover until Mizuki shows up and gives the 'all clear' signal. Our goals are to retrieve the scroll and the boy."

"Dead or alive?"

The squad leader glanced at the speaker. "Alive is optimal. Strike to subdue. If not, dead is acceptable - there may be some information recoverable from the boy's body."

"What about this Konoha traitor, Mizuki?" asked another member of the squad.

"If he can follow us, good. If something goes wrong and he has to be left behind - them's the breaks. If this is a trap?"

There were nods. A deal was a deal but they weren't going to trust someone who was already a traitor more than was absolutely necessary.

* * *

Kurenai Yuhi noted the presence of another team, her own sensor abilities tended to be overly sensitive and easily overwhelmed by massive chakra spikes - but more attuned to the subtleties of her own specialty for all that.

Hence her becoming a visible shadow in front of an ANBU team in order to make very quick signals in ANBU code. [Hidden Enemy] [Two] [Jonin] [Two] [Chunin] [NNE Current Position] [Loose Formation] [End].

The ANBU Captain before her was also one of the potential jonin instructors, who considered her for a moment before signing back. [Stay Hidden] [Wait] [Stay Alert] [End]

Kurenai sent back a quick acknowledgement, as she HAD been relegated to backup, then cloaked herself and backed away. This was likely to get very messy very quickly.

* * *

Kakashi Hatake found himself mildly impressed. He hadn't interacted much with Kurenai Yuhi prior to this, only knowing her professionally and seen her drinking at a shinobi "watering hole" frequented by the higher levels a few times. Her chakra presence and reserves were not very good by his own standards. Within jonin levels, but certainly nothing notable.

He was revising his opinion. Not only had she spotted the enemy team, she'd made out more detail than he himself had. Her report had been in a standard ANBU code, but concise. When she'd decided to cloak herself and back away, she'd done so expertly and without handsigns or so much as a ripple of chakra. Even now, he supposed it was only because he'd observed her that he'd realize where she was.

Not bad for a rookie.

Most of his focus was on the two events going on in front of him, of course.

Mizuki was monologuing and had just revealed that Naruto was the demon fox, the Kyubi. Which was, of course, wildly inaccurate. There was a slight wavering of the cloak on the two enemy-nin that were chunin-level. The jonin were somewhat better at concealing any surprise that the kid in front of them was the jinchuriki of the Kyubi.

Also of course, this pretty much confirmed that only Naruto and Iruka would be surviving this encounter of those two groups under surveillance. Probably leave a chunin alive to interrogate as the jonin wouldn't reveal anything and taking them alive would be a lot more difficult.

Iruka was now defending his student, likely aware that Naruto was hiding behind a tree - but the teacher's sincerity came across. Give him points for that.

Mizuki, on the other hand, seemed to have the chakra sensitivity of a rock.

As well as a problem with Naruto producing over a thousand shadow clones to beat him up with. Mizuki fought back, dispelling a dozen before they simply swarmed over him.

Then the enemy team moved and Kakashi Hatake moved forward in his old ANBU guise as Inu. His team followed.

* * *

There were generally two ways a shinobi battle could go. 'Dead silent' was the preferred method of groups like ROOT. 'Loud as hell' being the other usual manner.

"Chidori!"  
"Crashing Wave!"  
"Purgatory Pyre!"  
"Shuriken Leaf Storm!"  
"Shockwave Flash!"  
"Sniper Shot!"  
"Earth Spear Rise!"

Kurenai ignored both sides of the conflict, observing. It didn't take long for the sides to become embroiled and one of the two chunin to race away from the conflict.

That one was hers.

* * *

Naruto watched the fight raging all around him, forming a defensive ring of shadow clones around himself and Iruka.

He was aware that these were high-level ninja. Human ninja who were using jutsu that did stuff he'd only seen Sekirei do before this.

And it was awesome.

The fight ended as a whip of flame blew through seven clones at once, the enemy rushing forward without ending the technique.

She wore a mask, but Naruto immediately recognized the young girl whose sword swept through the fire-whip and then took the enemy-nin's head in less than a heartbeat.

"YES! THIS is what I needed," said Karasuba before flashing across to a tree branch.

"Good move protecting them," admitted an ANBU with a Dog mask.

"Oh yeah, that too," said Karasuba.

* * *

"Okay, teams," said Iruka three days later when the class had come together.

Everyone quieted, even Kiba.

"Team Five. Jonin Inoichi Yamanaka," began Iruka.

"Dad's got a team?!" exclaimed Ino.

Iruka frowned, looking at Ino.

"Sorry," said Ino, realizing that eraser-throw-no-jutsu had been prepared.

"Ahem," said Iruka. "Team Five. Kiba Inuzuka. Hikari. Hibiki. Kocho."

"Distressing," said Kocho, adjusting her glasses.

"A nerd and a wild child," commented Hikari to Hibiki.

"Team Six," continued Iruka. "Chunin Natsu Hyuga of the Hyuga Clan."

"Eh?" managed Hinata, who only knew of Natsu as a maid. Though she did wear a forehead protector.

"Team Six is composed of Ino Yamanaka, Uzume, Homura, and Namiji."

"Because your squad leader is a chunin, Team Six will have various jonin overseeing your development and leading you on missions of C Rank or above," continued Iruka. "Reason being that we're going to be short of qualified jonin to teach you."

"Makes sense I suppose," grumped Ino, mainly unhappy because Sasuke wasn't on her team.

Iruka continued reading off selections. "Team Seven. Jonin is Kakashi Hatake. Four man squad. Sasuke Uchiha, Sakura Haruno, Naruto Uzumaki, and Hinata Hyuga."

Sasuke grimaced. _At least Benitsubasa isn't on my team, and Sakura has become much less annoying of late. Still, they will simply hold me back in my attempt to get stronger._

Sakura nodded. _They're using a jonin to keep an eye on myself and Hinata, suspecting that there may be repercussions from our experience with having Sekirei cores. Prudent._

Naruto frowned slightly. _That teme. On the other hand, Sakura doesn't know me but she's going to be on my team. And Hinata. Hinata's nice but a bit weird. Hardly ever talked to me except since she got out of the hospital. Brought me tea the other day. We'll see I guess._

Hinata perked up. _I'm on a team with Naruto-kun? And Sakura-chan. I wonder if I have a chance then. Naruto-kun looks pensive. Ah! Naruto-kun is looking my way! Smile! Nod! Don't flinch or look away!_

Not really caring about the dramas going on as each member of each team was trying to assess their team and the new relationships, Iruka continued on.

* * *

_Previous night:_

Kakashi was one of several jonin, a few special jonin, and even a couple of chunin who had assembled before the Hokage.

"Why this group?" asked Kakashi.

"Because there are many very promising candidates due to Naruto's 'rescue girls no jutsu' and we lack sufficient numbers of jonin to oversee them," said the Hokage. "Kakashi - you in particular are seeing a very interesting group. Ibiki?"

"Of the 108 Sekirei," said Ibiki, tapping a whiteboard. "One is adult and not a ninja. Miya. Nine others graduated last year after the extended testing and have done well since then."

"Karasuba," identified Kakashi. "If ever there was someone suited to the black ops end of things."

"Loyalty to the village may be questionable in her case, though she seems to have a soft spot for Uzumaki - at least relative to everyone else." Ibiki nodded though. "Three Sekirei died in the recent battles and their 'Sekirei Core' was sent on to other individuals. Though the case was something rather the opposite with genin Yume."

"What IS that anyway?" asked Kurenai Yuhi. "I've been near Hinata Hyuga before this and her chakra feels different."

The other figure flanking the Hokage spoke up this time. "The 'Sekirei Core' is also called a 'tama' by several of the Sekirei. It is the main part of what makes them other than human. It is something of their spirit or energy and their chakra coils. Being able to shift it to a human is possible but very tricky. Kakashi Hatake - we'll need you to report on those two on a regular basis in case there are any irregularities."

"Hinata Hyuga and Sakura Haruno," identified the Hokage. "Sasuke Uchiha is likely to awaken his Sharingan and so you are the ideal choice to oversee his development. Naruto Uzumaki has improved a great deal since his socialization issue has begun improving."

"What if they fail the teamwork test?" asked Kakashi. He hadn't passed a team yet after all.

"Then they fail, go back to the Academy, graduate next year, and if they fail that test go into the general genin pool," said the Hokage. "A bit of a waste if that happens."

Kakashi shrugged. Guy was going to win a bet if he failed two more teams, but that was fine. This was at least better than the rock-scissors-paper sort of thing.

"Hinata Hyuga has the core of Oshino (#85), while Sakura Haruno received the core of Nina (#27). Musubi (#88) received the core of Yume (#8). The stated odds of transferring or merging a core between Sekirei is 1-in-4. Transfer of a Sekirei core to a non-Sekirei is stated as being 1-in-1000." The doctor adjusted her glasses.

"Yet two were successful," stated Kakashi.

"Yes, it is quite likely the odds are better but intentionally skewed to avoid active attempts to kill and harvest such things," said the Hokage. He shrugged. "Can't really blame them. Such things would become quite impossible in later generations."

* * *

"Team Eight will be under jonin Kurenai Yuhi," continued Iruka. "Four man squad. Shino Aburame, Himeko (#15), Oriha (#101), and Katsuragi (#86)."

Shino adjusted his glasses. _Myself. Himeko uses an odd sword - so close-range fighting. Oriha is a long-range type, prefers chakram but above adequate in thrown weapons. Possible Wind Release specialization. Katsuragi - above average taijutsu wielder. My insect colonies are adaptable to a number of roles in such a grouping, particularly in assisting the two close-combat types and providing sensor capabilities. No obvious team specialization but no apparent weaknesses either._

Oriha blushed. _The bug guy huh? Seems kinda cool and mysterious. This might lead to a good pairing._

Himeko nodded. _Good combat team, I suppose. Could be worse. Though that Shino guy is kinda quiet. Wonder if he's got a tragic past or something._

Katsuragi glanced over her team and then went back to brooding about life in general.

* * *

Kakashi had spent time brooding at the memorial stone when he realized he was being observed.

When he finished tracking it down, he had to double-check the notes he'd been given on the four candidates.

Sakura Haruno, sensor abilities, fast healer - training daily in taijutsu. Reads a wide variety of materials and has near-perfect recall. Amnesiac of personal life prior to enemy-nin attack during Academy testing. Needs to be monitored as possible conversion to Sekirei status may occur during a high-stress situation.

Sakura had apparently detected his presence already despite his own experience and skill with stealth. That could be both a liability and a major advantage.

Hinata Hyuga flared her Byakugan and looked in his direction. Yeah, he'd pretty much been made.

Might as well just go ahead and show up.

* * *

"Since you want us to follow some sort of format, wouldn't it be best to introduce yourself first?"

"Kakashi Hatake. I have no desire to tell you my likes or dislikes. My dreams for the future. Hmm. As for my hobbies. I have lots of hobbies."

"So basically you just confirmed your name. How about we add to this? Favorite skillset or technique. What we most want or think we need to be trained in?" asked Sakura, her green eyes examining their teacher. "You can correct us if you've already evaluated our skills."

"No, that would have been entirely too much work," said Kakashi. "Favorite skills? I suppose adaptability."

"Fine. Sakura Haruno. My goals and dreams are something I'm currently trying to work out. I believe I need to work on everything but my main strengths are information gathering and learning speed."

"I. I am Hinata Hyuga. My hobby is pressing flowers? M-my dreams for the future are t-to be a strong ninja. My favorite jutsu is, uhm, my Byakugan?"

"Yo! My name is Naruto Uzumaki! Future Hokage, believe it! Hobby is gardening and my favorite jutsu is my 'Rescue Girls No Jutsu' because it is just totally awesome!"

"Sasuke Uchiha. I have no dreams, merely a goal. Which is to kill a certain someone and then renew my clan."

Kakashi Hatake went ahead with the usual rehearsed speech with the vague threats and outright misdirection. Their reactions were quite telling.

Hinata got very nervous with many glances at Naruto. Sakura cocked her head slightly, studying him carefully. Naruto complained, griped, then went straight to sulking. Sasuke acted like the whole thing was beneath him.

Yeah. This had the potential to become interesting.

* * *

Sakura turned and tossed in her sleep.

"I am thou, and thou art me."

"Nina," identified Sakura, looking around. "So this is a dreamscape. I was lacking one for awhile, a side effect of my amnesia I guess."

"I'm not sure," said Nina. "Sekirei number twenty-seven. Nina. Sorry about this."

"Why should you be sorry?" asked Sakura. "I was dying. Now I'm not. I might become a sekirei later, but that's not certain."

"Actually, it is," said Nina, bowing lightly in apology. "Most likely it will happen during great emotional stress."

"Ah," said Sakura, not sure how to respond to that. "That could be a problem."

Nina yawned. "Looks like I'm going back to sleep within you. Take good care of us."

Sakura nodded at the fading girl. This was an awfully weird dream and she needed to get her sleep what with their new jonin's no-doubt sadistic plans for the next day.

* * *

"Well," said Sakura, checking her watch. "This is familiar."

"Hn."

"How long are we supposed to wait for this guy?" asked Naruto.

"As long as it takes," answered Sakura. "'To Be A Ninja Is To Endure' after all."

"You'd think there would be a ninja rule about showing up on freaking time," grumbled Naruto in response.

Sakura nodded. "I think we should do some exercises and stretches while we wait. What do you think, Hinata?"

Hinata nodded and lightly smiled. "Sounds good."

"Naruto, form twenty clones and work on chakra control," suggested Sakura. "Use the leaf-twirling exercise."

"But I always blow the leaves up," complained Naruto.

"That's why you need to work on chakra control," said Sakura. "This evening we have taijutsu class - don't forget."

"Spar?" Hinata asked Sakura.

"Three-way?" asked Sakura, raising an eyebrow at Sasuke.

Sasuke frowned at her, thinking this was backsliding. "No."

"Okay, just you and me then," said Sakura, turning fully towards Hinata.

* * *

The Bell Test. Anything else was too much work and the Bell Test had a bit of tradition going for it anyway.

Of course, with it being a potential four-genin team meant he had to consider getting an additional bell or not. Kakashi decided it was too much trouble going off to get another bell. Best to stick with two bells and threaten to send two of the genin back to the Academy.

Kakashi met the kids (fashionably late) and was sure to play up the angles of failure, the hardship of going past noon with no food since the previous day, the breaking of any bonds they might have had prior to today. He was ready for the looks of disappointment and frustration.

Naruto was the only one who gave him the appropriate reactions. Sasuke just let out a hmph and calculating look. Sakura looked SKEPTICAL. Hinata glanced at Naruto, then Sakura, then got this thoughtful expression.

"-and you'll have to come at me with the intent to kill," finished up Kakashi, "otherwise it is certain you'll fail."

"Hinata, you're not experienced enough with the Byakugan to detect the physiological changes when someone is bullshitting us, are you?" asked Sakura.

"No, Sakura. I also can't keep the Byakugan running for very long at a time. Chakra cost and information management." Hinata sounded quite apologetic about that.

Yeah, the mood wasn't completely broken but now all four genin were looking skeptical.

"No, seriously. Two of you at the very least will fail and be sent back to the Academy. It's also not proper procedure to refer to your superior officer's instructions in such a manner," said Kakashi.

Sakura quickly countered. "Are you sure about that? I mean, isn't it the responsibility of a lesser rank to point out that the information given seems at odds with established policy?"

"Yes I'm sure," said Kakashi. "I'm the sensei here, remember?"

"So you  are accepting us as students," noted Hinata.

"No, you have to pass the test," insisted Kakashi.

"Okay," said Naruto, opening a pouch, revealing several partitions with different pieces of paper in each partition. He carefully chose one and began tying it to a kunai.

"What's that one do?" asked Sakura, sounding curious.

"Well, he wants us to kill him but it can't destroy the bells," said Naruto. "So I'm hooking up the Death Card."

"Are you sure about that? I mean that one is pretty dangerous," said Sakura.

Kakashi considered that. Bluff. Most likely. This WAS the genin who bent space and time in order to rescue 108 people from what had been described as certain death. Still, he was an elite jonin and could probably handle whatever they were doing.

"You can start," said Kakashi.

The kunai shifted in Naruto's grip as he sped around Kakashi in a half-circle. Obviously looking for an opening.

"Gentle Fist: Eight Trigrams!"

Kakashi's eye widened. It was all a decoy?

Hinata's hands were darting out to hit tenketsu and reduce his mobility by crippling a leg. He was fast enough to twist out of the way.

"SHANNARO!"

And Sakura was where he was twisting to, apparently having anticipated that.

Kakashi went with the lesson. "Lesson one: taijutsu." Increase the speed of his twist, lash out with a leg to sweep Sakura into Hinata and throw both to the ground.

Naruto came in but his taijutsu wasn't anything to worry about. What WAS concerning was that he no longer had that kunai with that odd fuuinjutsu tag on it.

"Fire Release: Great Fireball!"

Kakashi used shunshin and a light punch to the jaw, shutting off Sasuke's ninjutsu technique before it could fry three genin. Really - you had three who were cooperating right off the bat and one had to be the odd duck. Typical of genin nowadays - this was why he failed every team.

Hinata had recovered and two fingers were diving towards his arm as Sasuke choked. Looked like a good time for a substitution.

Oh. Interesting. Her fingers went into the log up to the second knuckle. That would hurt even if she didn't hit any chakra points.

Again there was indication that they'd practiced somewhat. Hinata, Sakura, and Naruto had gathered so that their backs were close together and they were facing different directions.

Sasuke hid. Which was perfectly acceptable behavior except he was ignoring the others.

"Is he nearby?" asked Naruto.

"To your left, in the bushes, distance four meters," answered Sakura. "He moves pretty quick for someone that old."

Kakashi frowned under his mask. _Old?_

"Yes," agreed Hinata quietly. "Considering the state of his joints and that little problem with his right lung - he is proving to be formidable."

Kakashi blinked. _Problem with right lung? WHAT problem with my lungs? I'm perfectly fine. I think. The Byakugan CAN see my internal organs if she knows what she's looking at._

"So he can come at us from any direction?" asked Naruto. "Tricky old bastard."

_What do you mean 'old'?!_ Kakashi directed a glare at the three kids.

"Well, he DID survive a ninja war - and he IS fairly old and a jonin. I'd imagine he'd HAVE to be tricky," said Sakura. "I think he favors his left side."

_Well yes, and... I don't favor my left side._ Kakashi considered that. _Do I?_

"Yes, I noticed that too," said Hinata, quietly and probably not knowing he could still hear her. "So. If we kill him, then we lie about the whole 'two go back to the Academy' thing?"

"What? Lie and conceal things?" asked Sakura. "Why - to even think of doing such a thing! Almost like a ninja or something."

Kakashi was about to duck underground and try a surprise from behind the three when Sasuke leapt at his beltline from concealment.

The realization that they'd pitched his position to Sasuke and kept him watching them while the Uchiha got into position DID occur to Kakashi. That was quite promising actually. IF it had been on purpose.

A shunshin and an Underground Movement technique, and Sasuke was introduced to the Headhunter technique. "Lesson two, ninjutsu."

Kakashi turned back towards where the three were and realized they'd taken his moment of inattention and were now hiding. Very promising indeed.

Still, they weren't hidden well enough to fool him. He simply used his speed to appear behind Naruto and drive a fist into the back of the genin's head. Once he cut their numbers down, he could assert his authority.

Naruto twisted out of the way, shifting his kneeling position to where he could spring out, hands jabbing at a half dozen spots on arms and chest.

Kakashi realized immediately what had happened and was gone again, though with five of his tenketsu closed. Hinata was using a henge to look like Naruto. He was pretty sure that 'Sakura' was actually Naruto and 'Hinata' was actually Sakura. This also was pretty darn promising.

If they could include Sasuke in any of this - he'd simply declare the test was passed. Unfortunately they didn't seem to be able to get Sasuke to play any game other than Lone Avenger.

"NOW Naruto."

Kakashi blinked before he realized he was directly over a discarded kunai with an odd fuuinjutsu tag.

"ARGHHHHHHHHHH! It's escaping!" said Naruto, falling to his knees. Red claws erupted from his chest, pulling skin and tissue to the side as SOMETHING came out and kept coming out!

It was free! The Kyubi No Kitsune! The horror that befell the village one day that cost him two dear friends and...

"Genjutsu. Kai!" Kakashi flared and scrambled his chakra, rewarded with the illusion of Naruto vanishing.

"GOTCHA!" said four kids, in the process of leaping towards him.

A moment later he was standing over four flattened genin candidates. Well, he could do the lecture now about teamwork. It looked like he had a team after all.

* * *

Hinata glanced over at Sakura. "You're not bruised at all, are you?"

"No," admitted Sakura. "Bruises generally last an hour or so."

"So you guys passed yours?" asked Kazehana, swirling the sake in her dish before downing it in a quick gulp. "Ahhh."

"Yeah, Kakashi Hatake has us. How's your team doing?" asked Sakura.

"So far so good," admitted Matsu. "Still mostly doing D-Ranks."

Kazehana nodded at that.

"'D-Ranks'?" asked Naruto.

"They're the lowest ranked mission," answered Matsu. "You'll see."

"Well, thank you Teuchi-san," said Sakura, bowing lightly towards the ramen chef. "Come on, Naruto. Almost time for taijutsu class today."

* * *

"Your first mission," said Kakashi, waiting for the reactions he was sure was coming. The chunin and jonin present in the Mission Room also watched. Everyone went through this and one of the few rewards was when you saw it happening to someone else.

"Cool! Is it a mission where I can use some of my special fuuinjutsu tags?" Naruto was grinning and practically ready to jump up and down in excitement. "Maybe guarding a trade caravan where I can set up perimeter wards and traps?! Rescuing a princess? Oh! Oh! I know! Getting rid of a bandit camp! I have some special explosive tags I've been wanting to try!"

Sakura looked a bit more guarded. Hinata was smiling a little. Sasuke was brooding but eyeing the scroll.

"Today's mission is..." Kakashi wondered if there was a technique for a drumroll. Someone should invent it, maybe an auditory genjutsu. "Painting a fence!"

Dead silence for at least three heartbeats.

Naruto's face fell. Sasuke made a spitting sound. Hinata almost seemed to deflate. Sakura nodded as if she'd expected something like that.

"Is it an awesome fuuinjutsu paint?" tried Naruto, clearly trying to salvage something out of it.

"No. Latex based outdoor paint. White. Which we have to pick up prior to reaching the client's house," said Kakashi cheerfully.

"We have to defend the fence from enemy shinobi?" asked Naruto hopefully.

"Not very likely," said Kakashi. Ah, crushing dreams. The joy of being a sensei.

"Paint-stealing bandits? Graffiti artists? Pirates? Mimes? Zombies? Zombie Mimes?" tried Naruto, his voice almost pleading.

"No, I don't think so," said Kakashi.

"This is actually some of that 'underneath the bottom' thing?" tried Naruto. "We're supposed to use taijutsu moves for painting to get practice in?"

"It's 'underneath the underneath'," said Kakashi. "And whatever method you use is up to you."

Kakashi paused. Why was he suddenly getting this feeling of some Doom looming over him?

* * *

"Good job, Sakura. Naruto - you had a can of white paint. It is still a can of white paint. Why is your section of fence green?"

"Uhm, pirate graffiti artists?" tried Naruto.

"Well, at least it wasn't mimes." Sakura made a punching gesture. She couldn't remember WHY but she expected some of the lost memories were why she REALLY didn't like mimes. Or clowns. Or zombies. Or cockroaches.

"I was around, I'm pretty sure it wasn't that," said Kakashi. "Sakura - repaint Naruto's section. For some reason, I don't trust him to do it."

* * *

"Screeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"

Kakashi looked at the sweater as it clawed at the bars of its cage. He looked at the severely embarassed Hinata. He looked back at the sweater, noting that it was purple and green. He looked at the box of red yarn. He looked back at the sweater. He looked at Hinata.

Naruto found a regulation poking stick and looked like he was going to try poking the caged sweater. Sakura stopped him.

Kakashi looked around. "Okay. Uhm. Sasuke. Can you do a second sweater?"

"Why me?" asked Sasuke.

"Because Naruto's sweater is okay, other than being two sizes too big. Sakura's sweater is okay, other than having four sleeves. Hinata's sweater..."

Everyone looked towards the sweater trying to escape the cage.

Sasuke sighed and grabbed the yarn.

* * *

Sakura looked at the frying pan. Or more specifically, looked through the hole that used to be the bottom of the frying pan.

"Okay, new rules," said Kakashi, looking at the perfectly circular hole in the floor that seemed to go on forever. "Sakura is NOT to handle any cooking duties either as part of a mission or otherwise. Hinata - I hear your sweater is still trying to escape the cage. You are NOT to handle any sewing or knitting or tailoring duties. Naruto - no painting, inking, or calligraphic work unless it is fuuinjutsu related."

"What about me?" asked Sasuke.

"Actually Sasuke, you have not broken any physical laws or ignored common sense or violated space/time." Kakashi tried to think of anything that had even come close.

"You're slacking there, Sasuke," said Naruto.

"Actually, he's the only one not causing me excessive paperwork," said Kakashi. "Good job."

"How did I end up the normal one?" asked Sasuke in a low voice after he'd thought about that for awhile.

* * *

"This is Orange. Target acquired."

"Pink. Approaching slowly. Target engage- uh oh."

"Silver. Target is angry, repeat, target is VERY angry!"

"Why is the target attacking Sakura?"

"I don't know!" declared Sakura amidst yowling.

"I've got him! I've got him!"

"Yowllllllllllll!"

"NOT THE FACE! NOT THE FACE!"

"Stunning Palm!"

"Target captured. Mission successful."

"Ow. Ow. Ow. Who's got the first aid kit?"

"You do, Sakura."

"Oh. Right."

Kakashi sighed. A 'Capture Tora' mission was NOT supposed to end with the capture squad requiring stitches.

* * *

"Well, we've got a fence-painting mission," began the Hokage. "One weed-pulling mission, there's a-"

_Crash!_  
"Tora-chan!"

"Re-capture Tora mission," said the Hokage with a straight face. "There's dog-walking, and there's a babysitting mission."

"We'll take the babysitting mission," said Kakashi. That wasn't going to end up horribly wrong, was it?

One of chunin, Kotetsu if Kakashi wasn't mistaken, said words that everyone present winced at. "What could go wrong with something THAT simple?"

* * *

"It is NOT my fault," said Sasuke Uchiha.

"Welcome to the team," said Naruto clasping one of Sasuke's shoulders until the Uchiha's glare caused him to let go.

"When I was that age I was throwing kunai," protested Sasuke. "I'm told my father used to throw fire around to distract me when I was a baby."

Sakura was silent for a moment. "Must be nice to at least have memories of childhood."

"Must be nice to have parents," said Naruto wistfully.

"Not always," said Hinata softly.

"Whatever the case, the client has specifically requested that Team 7 NOT take this mission again," sighed Kakashi. "At this rate we're going to have to go to C-Rank Missions just because you've gotten banned from the D-Ranks."

Dead silence during which Kakashi's eyes widened (yes even the covered one) as he realized just what he'd said.

"So, uhm, what's a C-Rank mission actually do?" asked Naruto, trying to look and sound innocent and failing completely. Really, this was a fail on the same level that someone trying to make a science project volcano in their living room ends up with the fire department being called so that they can all stand around and watch the house burn down.

* * *

Sekirei were 99% human but that 1% could throw humans for a loop when their associates suddenly did something that made absolutely no sense to them. The "flock" mentality was one of those things, and there was another tendency of sekirei that had been noted by ninja and civilian alike.

Sekirei tended to go for heights. Admittedly, in a ninja village this was less notable than if this had been a civilian village. It would have really stood out in a small farming village for example.

Kakashi knew about this, it had been in the notes. So when he was looking for two team-members who MIGHT be sekirei in the late afternoon after yet another D-Rank gone wrong, he had an idea or two where to look first.

"So there you are," said Kakashi as he stopped on a rooftop.

Hinata and Sakura both stood immediately.

"Something wrong, Kakashi-sensei?" asked Sakura, who no doubt had sensed him coming.

Kakashi had already noted who was present and started putting things together. Choji Akimichi and Kuno, who was sitting close to the large boy. On the boy's other side was one that Kakashi had to search his memory for before finding a potential match. Yashima - judging from the huge two-handed hammer sitting close to her hands.

Shikamaru Nara had a closed notebook in front of him.

A girl with a halberd. Sekirei most likely. Not sitting close to anyone. Not one he remembered from his casual perusal of the files.

"I'm not interrupting anything, am I?" asked Kakashi.

"Consulting with other teams regarding some long-term plans," answered Sakura.

"Mah," said Kakashi softly. "Well, I have news for my little genin."

"The client doesn't want us to do that particular mission in the future?" not-quite-asked Sakura.

"True," admitted Kakashi.

"What happened?" asked the halberd-user. "If it's not classified of course."

"Mission was weed-pulling, Naruto and Sasuke got into a competition," said Sakura. "It didn't end well for the plants."

"Uhm, some of the weeds are very close in appearance to the crop," pointed out Hinata.

"So, we have a C-Rank mission because most of the available D-Ranks are ones our team has been banned from," said Kakashi, carefully watching reactions. No indication of surprise. This did not bode well. The other genin teams might start getting banned as well from D-Ranks, and that might cause problems. Oh well.

"A C-Rank mission," mused Sakura aloud. "Some risk involved, but no expectation of enemy nin being encountered. Typically takes place outside of the village."

"That's right," said Kakashi, not at all surprised that Sakura had read up on such things. "This one involves a haunted swamp!"

"Ha-haunted?" asked Naruto.

* * *

_One week ago:_

"Are you kidding? This is PERFECT!"

"How is this perfect? It's a swamp."

"It's a HAUNTED swamp! We can use the local lore to beef up Scene 42!"

"It's a swamp. And I think that mosquito practically qualifies as a monster itself."

Hidero, the actor playing Shishimaru, stood on the raised road and looked out into the shadowy area. Twisted-looking trees, little raised areas of mud, dark water, a snake roughly three times his length that plopped down out of a tree into those waters. "Well, it has atmosphere. I'll grant you that. Might have problems with the camera though - you have to have a stable base and there doesn't seem to be a lot of that."

"Have to use one of those flat-bottomed boats," mused the director.

Kin made a distressed noise.

Michy sipped at a cup of coffee. "That snake was twice MY length. Just noting that if that sort of thing attacks during filming, it might make a good shot - but you'll need someone around capable of getting the thing OFF before you get into problems with 'reckless endangerment' of your staff."

"Point taken," said the director.

Sandayu Asama cleared his throat, waiting for the director to glance his way. "We might be able to use this, and the rumors about the Beast Of Blackwater Bog to help advertise the movie. I've worked with an ANBU of Konohagakure a few years back - let me see if he's available."

"Konohagakure?" asked the director, an eyebrow raising into visibility from behind his sunglasses. "The rumors of these 'sekirei' have gotten me curious."

"I'm sure that the rumor of a race of beautiful women who were rescued from certain death by a new genin are greatly exaggerated," said Sandayu. He shrugged. "We can always ask if I forward the request for a 'C-Rank mission' to Konoha."

* * *

_Present:_

Kakashi looked over his foursome of genin, enjoying their anticipation.

"So, a C-Rank?" asked Naruto eagerly. He was hoping the bit about a haunted swamp was just Kakashi's idea of a joke.

"No details?" asked Sakura.

"Mah mah, so impatient," said Kakashi.

"Is it something awesome?" asked Naruto, holding up a small scroll. "Can I check something off my list?!"

"A list?" asked Kakashi, thinking that might be something like the lists he'd heard the Sekirei come up with.

"Well, everyone else was making lists, so I came up with a list of things to do on my path to Hokage!" said Naruto happily. "Sakura said that any big task should be broken up into smaller steps to mark your progress."

"That's good advice," said Kakashi with a nod. "This mission is to protect a film crew from natural dangers as they try to do several scenes in Blackwater Bog."

_rumble_.

All the genin looked up at the sky but the few dark clouds didn't especially look threatening.

"So where is this place?" asked Naruto. "And what's a 'film'?"

"This location is about forty miles from the capitol of the Land Of Fire," said Kakashi. "Rumored to have a monster so hideous in appearance that civilians have died just from meeting its gaze."

"Legendary monster?" asked Naruto hopefully, going through his list to find the appropriate line.

"Probably just a mutant snake or something," said Kakashi dismissively. "Chakra mutations can sometimes get pretty monstrous-looking."

"Oh," said a clearly-disappointed Naruto. "Are any of the actresses a 'princess'?"

"I would think that extremely unlikely," said Kakashi.

"Get real," grumbled Sasuke. "There's no way that could happen."

"Fine, fine," counter-grumbled Naruto as he rolled that scroll back up. "Maybe next C-Rank."

"A 'C-Rank' means some danger, outside the village, and no expected conflict with other ninja," stated Sakura. "This 'monster' being so close to the capitol though - could it be an enemy-nin spy?"

"Unlikely," said Kakashi. "There are two communities nearby, neither is particularly noteworthy or has wealth. The nickname for the area is 'Backwater Bog' as you might expect."

_rumble_

Everyone glanced up, but the single really dark cloud was still way off to the North.

Hinata hesitated but spoke up anyway. "Duration of mission?"

"Expected to last for two weeks," answered Kakashi. "There are two towns within a few hours of travel so essentials can be resupplied there but you want to pack accordingly."

"Ah, so, two weeks in a swamp," said Naruto. "I think I can modify a barrier seal to block insects."

"There's an existing design for such things, it's easier to copy that," said Kakashi. Team was thinking ahead of problems and how to address them - a good sign.

* * *

"Hmmm," said Orochimaru, looking over the reports and tissue samples. "Interesting."

"It's what I could get without it being noticed," said Kabuto. "It should be enough. Just an extra vial of blood drawn here, some copied records, a few scraps of flesh preserved there."

"An entire race of kekkei genkai users," said Orochimaru. "Summoned by a new sort of fuuinjutsu array?"

"He calls it his 'Rescue Girls No Jutsu' and IS rather proud of it," said Kabuto, smirking. "Fairly easy to get him talking about it until someone reminds him about secrets."

"What abilities did these donors possess?" asked Orochimaru.

"It's documented in the red-bordered scroll," said Kabuto. "The ones with a '1' are all from number zero-eight, Yume. The samples with a '2' label are all from sekirei number thirteen. I may actually be able to recruit numbers thirteen, fourteen, seventeen, and twenty. They show signs that they might not be satisfied with the conditions in Konohagakure."

"Oh, you DO bring such nice presents," said Orochimaru, his face twisting into a cruel grin. "Perhaps I might have to let you live for now after all."

"Oh?" asked Kabuto.

"Well, yes, I let one of my experiments escape a little while back so I could observe how well it survived," said Orochimaru. "Now I've a new project to replace that disappointment."

* * *

"So they were wiped out in a single afternoon," mused Onoki. "Well, nothing can be traced back to us."

"We've made sure of that," said one of his jonin. "We've even hired Akatsuki for a small job in the area to further cover our tracks. If encountered, they'll draw further attention away from us."

"Good. Layers underneath layers are the best way to deal with potential political intrigues," admitted Onoki. "Find someone good at infiltration and try to get them near Konoha. I'm sure that dried up monkey is going to try something anyway."

* * *

Sandayu Asama had been curious upon arrival at the way station, basically a field office for Konohagakure at a large city, and put in for a mission.

The reply had come back within a day that Kakashi Hatake was indeed available and currently had a genin team. He returned to the camp, keeping an eye out because he knew that most likely Kakashi would just show up when he blinked. He'd done it before, though he doubted the mysterious ninja remembered him - he'd just kind of been in the background previously.

"Whoa," said one of the cameramen. "They're here."

"Eh?" asked Sandayu, who'd been looking down the road and not seeing anything. Now that the cameraman had spotted them, everyone was looking that way.

Kakashi Hatake was twice the size of the kids and looked incredibly bored by everything around him. Which, if he recalled correctly, was pretty much normal for the jonin. Sandayu had a hunch that even if he was outnumbered and being hard-pressed in a battle that Sharingan Kakashi would still look as if he was only mildly interested in his environment.

The other ninja were just kids, maybe twelve or thirteen at most.

A pink haired girl, maybe one of those sekirei he'd heard of, had one hand held out towards the deeper parts of the swamp. Her back was to him, so he couldn't tell anything else.

A blonde boy was pulling little slips of paper out of a pouch and walking around the camp and sticking them onto various objects.

A black-haired boy was leaning against a tree and looking nearly as bored as his sensei.

A black-haired girl went through quick hand-signs and then made a point of looking around - with silver eyes that passed over him briefly.

"They're all kids," said the cameraman.

"Genin," explained Sandayu. "They're basically entry-level ninja. Don't underestimate them though - they've trained to be able to kill for years before they're allowed out of their village."

"Huh, didn't know ninja were that complicated," said the cameraman.

"They are, and don't film them. They can be pretty touchy about that," said Sandayu. "I'll tell the director."

"Kind of a shame though," said the cameraman. "Kids that age should be more interested in passing notes in class and learning how to fit into society. As opposed to sneaking up behind someone and shoving a knife in."

"Yes, well, it's a trade I suppose," admitted Sandayu.

* * *

"Report," ordered Kakashi without looking up from his book.

"Multiple small chakra sources," reported Sakura. "Two of the crew have chakra levels that wouldn't be out of place in the Academy. That guy by the boxes is slightly stronger but untrained. There's something off about the swamp itself though."

Kakashi studied the guy by the boxes briefly, deciding after a moment that the handler was probably a civilian with ninja lineage. Especially if tripping over his own feet when a snake dropped nearby was any indication.

"For some reason I can't see as far into the swamp as in the other directions," said Hinata.

"I've placed sensor tags around the perimeter," reported Naruto. "I'll do the bug-repelling tags next."

"Nothing to report," added Sasuke.

"Nothing?" asked Kakashi.

"No threats, none of the crew shows signs of combat training," expanded Sasuke.

"Hmmm. I wonder," said Kakashi.

"So we're mainly here to protect the crew and actors from wild animals?" asked Naruto. "Any training we can get done while we're here?"

"Hmmm. I wonder," repeated Kakashi.

* * *

"You're from Iwagakure," said Kakashi.

"ERK!" said the young man currently sprawled out on the ground.

"Not a ninja though, some minor training," said Kakashi.

"I failed the genin test," said the man, looking ready to bolt. "Barred from being a ninja. So I left. Been working odd jobs since. How'd you know?"

Kakashi was silent momentarily, turning a page in his book.

"What?" asked the youth.

"Why'd you fail?" asked Kakashi.

"You know what the Iwagakure genin test involves?" asked the youth.

"It used to involve competency with shuriken and explosives," said Kakashi.

"Still does," said the youth. "Or at least did." He held up an arm which twitched a few times.

"Muscle spasms, ah," said Kakashi, still without looking in the youth's direction.

"So, you gonna kill me now?" asked the youth.

"Hitofuki, general labor, been working for this director-person for four months," said Kakashi. "No problems."

Hitofuki shifted a bit at that.

"No. Just curious," said Kakashi.

* * *

"Anti-bug wards?" asked Sakura as she examined a fuuinjutsu tag sticking on a tree.

"Matsu and a couple of the others were able to get me some notes and scrolls that were Uzumaki stuff," said Naruto as he made another note at a camp table that had been set up nearby. Apparently the movie crew had heard about this and were more than eager to get a break from the mosquito population.

"They used fuuinjutsu to repel bugs?" asked Sakura.

"They used fuuinjutsu to do LOTS of stuff," said Naruto. "Problem is - a lot of that was lost when Uzushiogakure fell."

Sasuke had just been leaning against a tree quietly when he surprised everyone else by speaking up. "What kinds of stuff?"

Since this was part of his heritage that he'd just begun learning about, Naruto was hesitant at first but started getting more enthusiastic as he spoke. "Uhm. Stuff. Like making boxes waterproof. Making swords so they wouldn't rust and the edges stayed sharp. Canteens that would slowly pull water out of the air so they'd fill up. Water purifiers. Fish-lure tags to increase the chance you'll get something when you go fishing. Lamp tags that glow. A lot of 'em you put chakra into it when you make 'em, then they slowly release that chakra to do their stuff but there were others that just never ran out of chakra. Supposedly."

"So how long do these 'bug away' tags last?" asked Sakura.

"Roughly a day," said Naruto. "The crew was asking too. Think they wanted to buy up a bunch."

"Hm. I think -" Sakura's voice cut off and her head whipped to the side. "Chakra. Mid-Chunin level. A little over one kilometer away."

"Byakugan," said Hinata as she whipped through handseals to activate her bloodline.

* * *

He had thought they would hold him back. He had been forced to change his opinion.

_Fuuinjutsu. Not an Uchiha specialty but something the Uchiha clan has made use of in the past. Useful skill if prepared in advance but our own time is best served learning ninjutsu techniques._ Sasuke heard a buzzing approach, then veer off abruptly and go in a different direction. He looked, ascertaining that some of the mosquito population were closer to moth-sized, and nodded.

Sakura had just spotted a chakra source, pinpointing it so that Hinata could use her Byakugan to see it from a distance. An interesting synergy.

He readied kunai and his fire technique.

"It's a squid?" asked Hinata.

"A squid with mid-chunin level chakra?" asked Sakura. "Wait. In a swamp? Squids live in salt water."

"It's a humanoid squid," said Hinata.

One of the film crew ran towards the producer's tent.

"Now what?" asked Naruto.

* * *

"No," said Kakashi. Not for the first time, he wondered at what passed through a normal civilian's mind. As his life couldn't really be described as normal or civilian at any point - he really didn't have a whole lot of insight on such things.

"But think of the opportunity!" declared the crewman.

The Producer merely frowned in the background.

"Our mission is to protect you," pointed out Kakashi. "Capturing a chakra mutation is not protecting you."

"But it could be," argued the assistant director.

"No," said Kakashi. "If it attacks the camp, you get pictures of its corpse. That's as far as we'll go."

* * *

"What's a 'chakra mutation' anyway?" asked Naruto.

"You familiar with ley lines? Chakra currents? Cardinal points?" asked Sakura.

"Uhm, not so much," admitted Naruto.

"There's nature chakra and natural energy and they follow lines of least resistance in the..." Sakura's voice trailed off as it was apparent that Naruto was already lost and Sasuke was giving her an odd look. "There's chakra not in your body that flows through the air and ground. It erupts in odd places. I'm thinking this forest is one. That's why Hinata is having trouble seeing through it."

Hinata sounded hesitant but added something. "It's like a light fog to my Byakugan. Things that are close I can still see clearly but the further away they are - the more fog there is."

"The chakra source is moving very slowly through the swamp. Doesn't seem to have a set direction and pauses frequently," noted Sakura.

* * *

Ika Musume wasn't sure about what exactly Scary Snakeman was, except that she was terrified of him.

Ika wasn't sure what SHE was for that matter. Was she a squid turned into a human girl? Was she a human girl turned into a squid? Was she actually the product of some of that writing-weird-stuff-thing that involved her hat? She didn't know. As she had been told that removing her hat would kill her - she was very reluctant to experiment with it.

The local waters lacked something and she was slowly getting sicker. Trying to find food took many hours, and there were snakes and things that seemed to think squid/girl was a perfectly fine change in their regular menu.

Sighing at the unfairness of it all, and forcing the various questions out of her mind, Ika looked up from her attempt to find some tasty frogs or other acceptable food.

"Hisssssssss!" said a snake at least four times as big as she was as it noticed that its ambush hadn't quite worked as planned.

"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!" exclaimed Ika as she did the normal behavior of prey finding itself dealing with predator. Running was at the top of the list.

"GRONK!" said a huge alligator as she ran over it. Or was that a crocodile? She was never quite sure what the difference was? Not that it mattered as it was a large mouth with pointy teeth.

"Why the hell aren't you eating each other and chasing me?!" yelled Ika as she continued to run away. Really, you'd think that two such predators in close proximity would have the decency to go after each other.

* * *

Kakashi Hatake watched from the branches of a tree, a cypress he thought, as the little girl with tentacle-hair ran away from two chakra mutations. And these WERE chakra mutations - otherwise a crocodile that size would be hard-pressed to find food. And that snake was much too fast for its type.

Two forms landed on branches nearby.

The three of them watched the chase scene briefly.

"Shouldn't we be helping the girl?" asked Sakura hesitantly.

"Maybe," said Kakashi as the girl dashed behind a tree, changed direction, and was followed by the other two.

"Are we just waiting for the right moment?" asked Naruto.

"Maybe," repeated Kakashi.

The inevitable happened, where one of the girl's hair-tentacles snagged a branch in order to execute the same rapid direction change as she'd been using to avoid getting caught. The branch snapped and the girl went face down in the bog.

Naruto was there in an instant, throwing kunai into the pursuers before they could strike.

Kakashi sighed. He was sure there was going to be extra paperwork involved.

* * *

"Why did you make a squid girl in the first place, Master Orochimaru?" asked Guren.

"Hmmm? Oh," said Orochimaru, glancing briefly at his minion. "Why not?"

"Well, it doesn't seem to have any usefulness," said Guren.

"Imagine a leviathen which could pull entire ships down," said Orochimaru. "Though honestly it was attempting to find ways to bolster the boneless and stretching capabilities of one of my agents. Thought that I could perhaps develop it into a full-fledged kekkei genkai. Unfortunately, all but one of the test subjects died and that one had been getting fairly sickly. So I turned it loose. See if it developed any interesting qualities or survived better out in the wild. I used Blackwater Bog as chakra mutations show up there all the time anyway."

_rumble_

"Thunder?" asked Guren.

"Another experiment," said Orochimaru, shrugging slightly. "I thought it would be interesting but unfortunately the wrong trigger got used. And then the fuuinjutsu sort of exploded. Fortunately it only goes off when someone with a certain amount of chakra uses the trigger."

"Which is 'Blackwater Bog'?" asked Guren.

_RUMBLE!_

"Don't do that, it's annoying," said Orochimaru. "I think I'll dispatch someone to slay the squid as an initiation mission. Get them used to the idea of killing something helpless and relatively innocent. Hmmm. Do we have anyone ready for such a thing?"

"Yes, actually, I wanted to talk to you about one of your other experiments. Number twelve-seventy. He's been chewing through the bars of his cell lately." Guren shuddered.

"Iron bars?" asked Orochimaru.

"Yes. Says he likes the taste," answered Guren.

"Oh," said Orochimaru. "That DOES sound promising."

* * *

"I won't tell you squiddly!" stated the little girl, shaking a little bit as she found herself surrounded by these shinobi.

"No?" asked Kakashi Hatake.

The girl started shaking even more. "N-no! I w-won't."

"Naruto?" asked Kakashi.

The blond boy stepped forward.

Tears began leaking from the squid girl's eyes and she closed them, scrunching her shoulders up.

_Zoop!_

"I'm n-not afraid! I-" Her nose twitched. "I kn-know you'll just kill me anyway." Nose twitched again. "I'm..." (sniff sniff)

Ika Musume slowly opened her eyes to see a bowl of some sort of soup across the table from her. "What?"

"Hot shrimp ramen," said the blond. "I use a storage seal with a temperature stasis seal to keep it warm for days."

"I-" (drool) "that is" (sniff drool) "I'm..."

"Yes?" asked Kakashi Hatake.

"My name is Ika Musume, and I escaped from the Scary Snake Man about two weeks ago, and I don't really know anything."

"Hmmm," said Kakashi. "You're not lying. Naruto?"

"Yes, Kakashi-sensei," said Naruto as he pushed the bowl across the table.

"She eats even messier than Naruto," noted Sakura.

* * *

"You want to what?" asked Kakashi.

"Hire her," said Makino, the Director.

"You want to hire the monster of Blackwater Bog?" asked Kakashi, wanting confirmation of this.

"She seems nice, and cleaned up pretty well," said Sandayu Asama.

"She's egotistical and demanding," said Kakashi.

"I work with actresses and actors all the time," pointed out Sandayu.

"Point," acknowledged Kakashi. "Why do you want her?"

"Mascot character, often bumbling comic relief, and she can save us some money on special effects when she can do those hair-tentacle manuevers without draining our budget," said Sandayu as the Director nodded.

"'Comic relief'?" asked Kakashi.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" screamed Ika as she ran past them, looked back over her shoulder at the menacing shark picture, and then crashed into a tree. "Owie."

Kakashi considered that before nodding. "I see what you mean."

* * *

"You're going ahead with Konohagakure hosting the Chunin Exams?" asked Iruka.

"Yes," said the Hokage.

"Despite the almost-certainty that the Exam would then be loaded with spies and agents trying to procure some of the sekirei?" asked Iruka.

"Quite," said the Hokage.

Iruka considered the Hokage for a moment, his desire to protect his students visible to anyone who had even a slight familiarity with the man.

"All the non-participating sekirei will be off on special missions or kept away from events," said the Hokage. "More than that, well, you'll see when the time comes."

Iruka bit down the immediate response, as this WAS his Hokage after all.

"I'm mentioning that particular because I'm putting you in charge of it," said the Hokage, answering the unasked question. "Those sekirei remaining in the village and away from potential enemy eyes will be under your supervision."

"Me?" asked Iruka, well aware that he was just a chunin.

"Oh, you won't be alone," said the Hokage with a smile.

* * *

"Report," said Kakashi, accepting a cup of tea and a bowl of miso from Naruto. Then blinking at the two as if he wasn't quite sure he trusted them.

"Perimeter wards secure, nobody in or out all night," said Naruto, stopping in order to cover a yawn. "Gonna have to recharge the bug repellers though. They're getting a workout."

"I wasn't aware you cooked anything besides ramen," said Kakashi, sniffing at the miso.

"I kept having girls showing up to fix me stuff or show me how to fix stuff," said Naruto. "Kakashi-sensei. Can I ask how you deal with that kind of thing?"

"Ignore it. It'll go away on its own," said Kakashi. Not that he ever had girls showing up at odd hours trying to cook for him. Not that he wanted something like that to happen - he liked his loner lifestyle too much for that.

"He wards his place too well and doesn't ever answer his door," said Sakura as she walked up and stretched. On finding Naruto passing her a similar cup and bowl, she mumbled a quick thanks and ducked her head.

"Wait. What?" asked Kakashi.

"There were three sekirei who thought you looked interesting and tried to see if you were interested," said Sakura. "You don't know how much they tend to group together and talk."

Kakashi wasn't sure how to handle that, other than be a bit dismayed that children were apparently checking him out.

Sakura apparently was awake enough after a gulp of tea to decipher his expression. "Not like that. Not yet at least."

Kakashi really didn't find that response to be terribly reassuring.

"Ah, arigato, Naruto-kun," said Hinata as she received her own cup and bowl.

"Anything on your watch, Hinata?" asked Kakashi as he took a sip of the miso. Passable, but a little salty.

"Nothing unusual other than one of the handlers having a bad dream and mumbling in an unfamiliar language," said Hinata.

"Was it 'Ia! Ia! Cthulhu fhtagn!'?" asked Kakashi.

"Yes! Does it mean anything?" asked Hinata.

"Yes, it's a line from the squid cultists they added to the script for the finale of the film," said Kakashi. "Iku is going to be the living sacrifice and then there's the climatic battle to rescue her. Kind of standard for that sort of film as I understand it."

"Ah," said Naruto.

"You had first watch, Sasuke. Anything to report?" asked Kakashi.

Sasuke looked VERY uncertain at the cup of tea and bowl of miso.

"Sakura didn't make either," Kakashi reassured his genin.

"Ah," said Sasuke, shrugging slightly. "That director guy snores. Hinata and Sakura apparently got cold and cuddled together for warmth and I absolutely did NOT hear anything they might have said in their sleep."

Two kunoichi turned bright red and stared into their bowls of miso.

"No?" asked Kakashi.

"I took great pains NOT to overhear anything," said Sasuke.

"Probably best that way," agreed Kakashi.

* * *

Jiraiya of the Densetsu No Sannin, the Toad Sage, the Super Pervert, etcetera. Author of the Icha Icha series of novels. A man of action, but also a man of words.

"Whoa."

It was very rare for him to be at a loss for something to say.

"Indeed," said Hiruzen Sarutobi.

"Can I put my shirt back on?" asked Matsu.

"Not just yet," said Jiraiya. "This crest is a form of fuuinjutsu." That WAS his other great passion after all. You could do so much with fuuinjutsu, even if most of the rest of the shinobi world just used it for storage seals and explosive tags. Even experts on the subject tended to focus on very narrow sets of applications such as using it to seal away things like "angry swarm of bees" to be stored and then unsealed when one needed the sealed subject. Or sealed away forever in the case of certain other things.

Applied to a living subject for something other than the jinchuriki process? Almost completely unheard of.

"What exactly are you doing?" asked Matsu as the old guy was examining her back.

"Can't decompile this without taking the chance of hurting you, but what I'm able to see beside that is intriguing," admitted Jiraiya.

"That's enough," decided Hiruzen Sarutobi, going from amused to "official Hokage" attitude. "Matsu wants to learn some fuuinjutsu, and I hope that you can give her a few pointers before you leave again. I'll want you back here though when the Chunin Exams are scheduled."

"Was planning on coming back around then anyway," said Jiraiya.

"Because your godson will be in them?" asked Matsu as she shrugged her shirt back on.

Jiraiya went from mostly-goofy to deadly-serious. "How did you know that?"

"I'm an information specialist," said Matsu. "Pattern recognition is part of all that."

"A spy-specialist in the making?" asked Jiraiya.

"Which is why I wanted you to meet Matsu specifically," said the Hokage. "That and she's a big fan of your series."

"At fourteen?" asked Jiraiya.

"Sekirei mature quickly," said Matsu, adjusting her glasses and sounding smug.

"We have recovered and stored the bodies of the fallen sekirei," said the Hokage. "While the crests have faded, there remains an outline. Matsu has found a way to display that. I don't need to tell you to be respectful and discreet."

"They fell in defense of the village?" asked Jiraiya. On seeing a nod, he nodded in return. "With honor and due respect then." He had limits after all, and this involved several of them at once.

* * *

He wanted the perfect host body, to achieve immortality and learn all the world's jutsu.

With a sigh, Orochimaru decided that this would not actually do it. The Sekirei genetic material supplied by Kabuto Yakushi was enhanced as much as he could, cultured and grown, and then transplanted into specimens.

Two of whom had died rather painfully, their bodies rejecting the tissue as soon as it was introduced. The other two produced results that were not at all what he wanted.

Orochimaru jotted the notes down, after all - if any ideas came to him later these experiments would be the starting point. Document everything for later perusal.

"Subject number one. Sachiro Nanomi. Male. Genin level. No distinguishing bloodline or specialty. Subject recruited via standard promises of power. Removed heart and replaced with sekirei cloned tissue heart. Heart successfully stimulated and operation a success. Subject died four minutes thirty-three seconds later when heart stopped and would not restart despite direct stimulation. Autopsy reveals evidence of massive immune response along all suture lines. Blood type match was positive so reason for response - unknown."

Orochimaru considered the ceiling briefly before continuing.

"Subject number two. Atsuchi Daikawa. Male. Chunin level. Strong affinity for Suiton. Subject recruited via standard promises of a place to belong to and eventual revenge. Bone and muscle injections at twelve sites, see chart. Initial reactions of slight elevated heat and swelling at target sites, nothing unusual. Administered systemic antihistamine with initial resolve of difficulty. Subject recovered normally for eighteen hours prior to termination of subject. Cause: spontaneous combustion. Perhaps the most spectacular instance of tissue rejection I've ever seen. Body was completely consumed within three minutes, exact temperature unknown but at least past the point that the rock floor underneath him was glowing red by the time I arrived. Unable to autopsy due to lack of remains."

There was still a scorched look to that section of flooring in fact.

"Subject number three. Takeo Nogiwa. Male. Jonin level. Elemental affinity for Katon, bloodline related. Subject recruited from Konohagakure's ROOT on becoming sufficiently powerful to stand out from the usual group, was stabbed through heart by another ROOT member. Subject was stabilized and recruited by agent in place within ROOT, only partial healing to allow for further leverage. Cloned tissue replacement of heart and lung using sekirei tissue, ostensibly to deal with damage from poison used on original wounds. Subject began displaying extreme mood swings atypical of ROOT trained personnel after six hours. Despite not being related to Guren, subject extruded a crystalline pillar around himself at the two day mark. Other than color, crystal seems to fit Guren's Crystal Release techniques. Instead of pink or purple, the subject is encased in yellow crystal. Have sent for Guren to examine this and determine what differences may exist. Unsure of subject's status, chakra present in Subject Three but at barely enough to register. May be alive but in a coma."

At least nothing had gotten burned or destroyed with that. Rather neat and tidy actually.

"Subject number four. Yuuto. Male of genin level skill, no distinguishing abilities or bloodline. Subject obtained by capture of genin team from Kumogakure specifically for use in experimentation. Blame was placed on Iwagakure through evidence left on scene. Bone and muscle injections at twelve sites, precisely the same as with Subject Two. Subject developed fever at seven hours afterwards, fever breaking at eighteen hours. Subject has not displayed any particular abilities but has become very androgynous in appearance. Loss of height and mass to approximately eighty-nine percent of original. Continuing to monitor for further changes, if nothing else develops will perform autopsy in order to catalog alterations."

Orochimaru considered the photographs of the Before and After - the most recent one showing the drastic change in mass as the subject was shackled with chains leading up to an eyelet in the ceiling.

"If further changes in mass and height occur with Subject Four, will need to get longer chains."

Orochimaru considered what he'd written down, before deciding to add a little more.

"Unknown factor in genetic makeup leading to rejection of tissue implants. Will instruct Kabuto to capture live Sekirei during invasion proceedings, recruitment preferred. If unable to procure, may have to attempt breeding through artificial methods. Tissue also resists normal cloning methods. Subject Four was the only unwilling test subject and the only one to survive the process past the two day mark. Currently at fourth day after test for Subject Four, one week post-test for Subject Three without further change in condition. Was there something in Subject Four's genetic makeup to allow for survival to this point? Was there some relationship between Subject Three and Guren to allow for a latent Crystal Release in genetic pattern? Initial indications were no, but I feel that there must be some explanation for this reaction. With two of four test subjects dead, and one of uncertain status, indication is that potentially valuable test subjects should not be risked. Therefore no one with an uncommon skill or bloodline should be used."

Orochimaru tapped pen to desk several times before closing the folder and setting it aside. He had other things to do for now.

* * *

"YAGH!" yelped Iku as she tried to hide behind the actors who themselves were trying to hide behind crates and supplies.

"Got it!" said Sakura, making a handsign to explode a kunai.

"BWAGH!" answered the zombie, shambling forward with one hand extended. The other hand was twitching on the ground behind him.

"Fire Release: Great Fireball!" tried Sasuke, turning two of them into moving torches.

"They don't have any chakra," noted Hinata. "Except a single area near the forehead."

"Uzumaki Fuuin! Chain Gang!" tried Naruto, throwing a spread of kunai with tags. Three of the five shot chains out to wrap around a zombie, the remaining two misfiring with sparks.

Kakashi finished going through hand-seals. "Water Release: Great Water Dragon!"

"Are you getting this?" asked the Director quietly.

"Getting it, believing it is something else," mumbled back the cameraman.

The Water Dragon slammed its way from one to the other of the zombies, directed by Kakashi. Pieces were broken off.

Hinata ran after the dragon, slamming her hands into one after the other of the zombies.

"Okay," admitted Kakashi after the last one went down and stayed down. "I admit. I didn't expect zombies."

Naruto's voice was perfectly calm. "Kakashi-sensei? Do you mind if I go over in a corner and quietly freak out?"

"As long as no more of them show up, that's fine," said Kakashi.

* * *

The watches were switched from one night to the next. That way if someone DID pay attention to who was when, they might be caught unawares like trying to sneak past Hinata or pepperbombing Sakura.

Sakura got up at her appointed time and noticed that Hinata was facing Naruto's tent. Not that this mattered much with Hinata's Byakugan - it didn't really matter WHERE Hinata was facing when she flashed it on. She made her way quietly towards Hinata anyway.

"He could have died," whispered Hinata after Sakura was close enough to hear.

"Any of us could have, we're ninja," whispered back Sakura. "Danger is part of the job description."

Hinata half-turned to regard her.

"Yeah, I know," said Sakura.

"That snake knew which of him was real and which were clones," said Hinata. "I'm not sure how. His clones are identical."

"Even to my sensor abilities," admitted Sakura. Even when one clone dispersed, the chakra went to Naruto and all his remaining clones at the same time. "So. Do we really have this talk now?"

"When we get back," said Hinata, her blush easily seen despite the flickering shadows from the lantern.

Sakura was quiet for a few moments. "I didn't realize that all the time we shared sparring and taking taijutsu classes..."

"Understandable," said Hinata after a sigh. "You don't remember your past. Of course any new connections would be something you'd cling to."

"Better get to sleep," counseled Sakura. "You're lower on chakra than normal due to all the fighting today."

Hinata merely nodded and yawned before going off to her bedroll.

* * *

"Again?!" yelped Naruto.

"Unggggh!" said the zombie, shuffling forward.

"Fire Release: Great Fireball!" Sasuke watched as the burning undead took a few more steps and then fell.

"Can you do that again? We didn't get the camera set up in time," called out one of the movie crew.

The ninja looked at the civilians and wondered, not for the first time, if all show business people were insane.

"Naruto," said Sakura quietly. "There has to be a fuuinjutsu counter to this, since there's a form of fuuinjutsu involved."

"So I should research it as soon as I can," added Naruto, shuddering briefly. "Yeah. I guess. It's just-"

"Okay, my cute genin," said Kakashi, snapping his book closed. "Time for some lessons."

"Will this involve things that should be staying dead coming after us?" asked Naruto.

"Ungh," said the now-crispy zombie, trying to crawl forward.

Sasuke simply stood nearby and began breathing a stream of fire onto it until it stopped moving.

"Any idea what's bringing them around?" asked Sakura, directing the question to Kakashi. "It isn't Iku - she definitely hadn't seen one before yesterday and she's still trying to hide from them."

"No, and that IS a very good question actually," said Kakashi.

* * *

"Hmm," said Kakashi. Interesting team he had. With Sakura's sensory ability to pick up oddities, and then Hinata's Byakugan to look in more detail - they could scout areas in a fairly efficient manner. Leading to an abandoned lab that the swamp was slowly reclaiming.

Looking in further detail had revealed that the muck and damp had broken the seals on this place, and that the zombies were actually lab experiments whose individual prison cells had given out. A couple of them were still intact, and had similar undead prisoners still trying mindlessly to get out.

He was going to have to detail this out and the Hokage would be sending someone to investigate more thoroughly, someone who specialized in this sort of thing. He was a combat ninja, not a research ninja, not a scientist or Fuuinjutsu Master to decipher some of the moldering scrolls.

Fortunately the movie crew would be moving out tomorrow and that meant their own mission would be ended.

* * *

"Mission accomplished!" declared Naruto, giving the Hokage a big thumb's up.

"That is NOT proper procedure for clearing a mission, Naruto," Kakashi reminded his genin.

"Forgiveable as it IS their first C-Rank," said the Hokage. "Anything to report?"

"We encountered the 'Beast Of Blackwater Bog'," said Kakashi, waiting until after the thunder rumble to continue. "She turned out to be amenable to joining the acting group and will be appearing in their movie."

An eyebrow raised, the Hokage nodded. "That is going to be an interesting report. Anything else?"

"Well..." began Kakashi.

"Zombies, giant two headed snakes, eight-legged frog creatures, a squid girl, and really damn big mosquitos," summed up Naruto.

"It sounds like a report that I'm actually interested in reading," admitted the Hokage.

* * *

"Zombies?" asked Teuchi.

Naruto waved his chopsticks briefly. "Some kind of jutsu, or so Hinata said. There was some kinda seal on their foreheads."

"I had no idea there was such a thing," admitted Teuchi.

"Yeah, Sakura said that the Second Hokage came up with something like that - but it's a kinjutsu," said Naruto, pausing in order to slurp down the contents of his bowl. "This was something else though."

Matsu was sitting three stools away and made a small noise as she adjusted her glasses.

"Something familiar?" asked Kaho.

"Yeah. Uzumaki clan experiments with something called Animation Arrays - though that was mainly to have brooms that could sweep floors by themselves and stuff like that," admitted Matsu. "It's fairly complicated though. Don't suppose you managed to save one?"

"You'd have to ask Hinata, she's the only one who got a good look at 'em," said Naruto. "Still - just that they were there meant that there's someone who did that. So it's gonna be someone's A-Rank or S-Rank mission to look further. Kakashi-sensei was saying that it wasn't OUR mission to investigate - just protect the actors."

"Oh, well, that's interesting," said Matsu.

"Anything else happen, goshujin-sama?" asked Kaho.

"No," said Naruto as another bowl went in front of him. "Though Sakura got some autographs from the actors and them actors wanted to see if they could order some of the 'bug-away' wards I came up with. There might be a market for those."

* * *

"Disciplinary Team," said the Hokage.

Four sekirei zipped into place.

"The Chunin Exams are coming up. This will test your abilities in a way that the C-Rank and B-Rank missions could not," said the Hokage. "Is the ANBU training going well?"

An ANBU settled to the rooftop. "I think we need to feed some bandits to Karasuba."

"That would be nice," admitted Karasuba.

"Do so then." The Hokage looked up at the faces on the mountain. "It is sad that in this world that there remains the need for such an attitude. But truly there is no lack of targets. Just be sure that you are ready for when the Exams come. I suspect even you might have your fill if worse comes to worst."

Karasuba licked her lips. "Intriguing."

"Your team will be entered in the Chunin Exams," said the Hokage to the ANBU. "But you will have a side mission to protect the various sekirei involved. You are not the only ones with this mission. At the end of it, based on performance, you will all be promoted at that time. Stealth protocols though. We don't want to show more of our hand than we must."

"You are expecting special trouble this Exam then," said the ANBU, glancing at her team.

"Oh, yes, quite," said the Hokage.

* * *

Twelve years old. Young enough that they were still children for all that they were shinobi. Had they been civilians, they would have begun their apprenticeships and training for adult careers. Those that had failed their genin tests and switched to civilian careers actually had begun this.

Twelve year old ninja had written out their Wills in case they died, if they had any family members or heritage to be addressed in such things.

The average civilian had a life expectancy of sixty years, though their location played a part of this. It was lower when one looked at areas which saw a lot of interaction with ninja and their battles.

Teuchi of Ichiraku was aware of all this. At age forty-three, he was more than halfway through the normal lifespan of a citizen of the Elemental Nations.

As a civilian vendor in Konohagure, though "craftsman" was the word he'd use himself, he saw and heard a great deal of what went on in Konoha.

He knew many things simply by being where and who he was. The secret of what Naruto contained, of who Naruto's parents were, and of the sekirei were all known by him and his daughter.

"Order up! Here you go."

"Thanks Teuchi-san!" said Kochou demurely before turning to the sekirei next to her. "So, your team as well?"

"Mmm," said Kaho, nodding. "I am looking forward to it."

Kochou was silent for a few minutes as she ate. "I heard Naruto's team ran into some problems."

"So did ours," said Kaho. "The C-Rank went up to A-Rank by the time we were done. We ended up facing a missing-nin, Zabuza Momochi, and his apprentice."

"Zabuza Momochi? I've seen his entry in the Bingo Book," said Kochou.

"Very skilled, if more talkative than I would have imagined," said Kaho eventually.

"I take it the details are classified?" asked Kochou.

"I am not sure how much," replied Kaho between bites. "Had an interesting conversation with the apprentice though before our final fight."

"Did you get his sword? Karasuba is looking for a suitable one," asked Kochou.

"No, we had to turn it in," said Kaho.

"Well, maybe it'll turn up anyway." Kochou finished draining her bowl before fishing out enough money to pay for the meal. "Do you think Naruto-sama will be in the Exam too?"

"Depends on his sensei, otherwise yes," said Kaho.

* * *

"Anti-zombie wards?" asked Matsu. "Why, did you run into zombies?"

"Yeah."

Matsu blinked at Naruto for a moment. "Seriously?"

"Yeah," said Naruto. "Some kinda fuuinjutsu. Nasty. One of 'em lost their face while attacking."

"Lost face?" asked Matsu.

"I mean, literally, it just kinda peeled off and squelch in the mud," explained Naruto, making appropriate hand gestures.

"Ewww," reacted Matsu.

"Yeah, I know," said Naruto.

"I'll see what I can find," said Matsu.

* * *

  
  
Anyway, i saw this as a potential for a Sakura/Naruto or Naruto/multi.

Also saw this scene as something to have quite a bit (at least 10 episodes or two chapters) later:

* * *

"FIVE PRONG SEAL!" said Orochimaru, striking hard at the annoyance's belly. Really, here he was just marking his future property and this annoyance kept trying to interfere.

"NARUTO!" said the pink kunoichi.

"NARUTO-KUN!" cried out the Hyuga.

It was odd that they were interested in such an annoying boy as opposed to the elite Uchiha, but no matter. He'd tossed the two of them around like ragdolls earlier and he could do so again.

"STOP RIGHT THERE!" declared a girl with a naginata who ran forward, coming in from the side.

"You won't hurt Naruto-kun any longer," said another girl as she followed the naginata-wielder.

"What, more of you?" asked Orochimaru. "What - I hurt this child and all of you home in on it?"

The naginata-wielder, taijutsu practitioner, and now some girl in black all stared back at him.

Orochimaru paused, narrowed his eyes, and frowned. "Except - that's exactly what's happening isn't it? More and more of you are going to start showing up because I disabled him and he's still struggling. What would happen if I kill him?"

Orochimaru half-turned only to see something that caused him to pause again.

Wings of pink light stretched from the pink-haired girls back as she was in the process of kissing the boy now propped against a tree trunk.

Orochimaru found himself slipping around the girl's attacks when she went from kissing a boy to rushing him. Her speed was at least five times what it had been, and from the way the earth cratered at one of her misses - her strength was much higher than that.

Light bloomed again, and he caught a glimpse of the Hyuga girl kissing the boy and having wings of light appear on her as well.

"MEGATON PUNCH!" said the pink girl, smashing entirely through his guard with a lucky punch.

He had to shed his skin as that would have killed him had he not had that ability. Well then-

"Hands of my pledge," began the Hyuga.

"Snake binding!" called out Orochimaru, sending dozens of constrictors out to wrap around the Hyuga. "There's enough of that."

A quick shunshin and he was kissing the naginata user.

Instead of wings of light, she began gagging. Hmmm. Maybe THEY had to initiate the technique?

Lights again? How tedious. Sure enough, another of those girls was kissing the blonde. And now Sasuke-kun was recovering. This was not going according to plan, even if this DID seem to involve the bonding ritual that Kabuto had mentioned but never been able to get details on.

"This water represents my pledge, purify the evil residing in my Ashikabi!" said the blonde. "Rising Tide Jewel!"

Globes of water quickly formed and seemed to compress under great pressure. Which was impossible of course as water didn't compress like that. Therefore it was some spatial distortion.

A barrage of poisonous snakes was sent at her, and then he was having to deal with the pink-hair again. Odd, he would have expected more from her if the bonding was truly as powerful as he'd been led to believe. As he manuevered into position, he noted that the naginata-wielder was trying to wipe her mouth in preparation for kissing the blonde.

And now he had to go chasing down Sasuke who had apparently decided that as he was the real target - he should get away. Smart choice actually.

"Orochimaru?!"

Oh great. Another team. And another. "Can this day get any worse?"

"Shikamaru!" one girl immediately turned, grabbed the boy who had spoken, and kissed him. Predictably, she suddenly had wings.

"Oh, that's just..." Orochimaru twitched as another guy arriving to this mob scene suddenly found himself with a girl pressing her lips to his while said boy was busy staring in horror at the S-Class missing-nin. While being recognized was certainly some degree of satisfaction, the situation was escalating into a sordid mess. "Whatever. There'll be other opportunities."

* * *

"This is so troublesome," said Shikamaru, earning him a swat from Yahan. "Ow."

Planned pairings:  
Choji Akimichi: Yashima (#84), Kuno (#95)  
Shikamaru Nara: Namiji (#73), Kochou (#22), Yahan (#57)  
Sasuke Uchiha: Yomi (#43)  
Naruto Uzumaki: Sakura Haruno (#27), Hinata Hyuga (#85), Kaho (#87), Tsukiumi (#9)  
Rock Lee: Haihane (#104), Benitsubasa (#105)  
Kakashi Hatake: Hikari (#11), Hibiki (#12)  


* * *

**ALTERNATIVE #1: Mission Specialist**

"Team Seven. Jonin is Kakashi Hatake. Four man squad. Sasuke Uchiha, Sakura Haruno, Naruto Uzumaki, and mission specialist as assigned."

There were a few blinks and curious looks at that.

* * *

It was an old idea. You had the elites - ninja who could and would be part of a team that received training and performed missions and were the public face of the ninja world. Then there were general genin - basically faceless mooks. Kirigakure did that openly despite their reputation. So did Iwagakure to a lesser extent.

Then there was another approach to the general genin pool. Suna did that - as they were poorer and had less missions available. Graduating teams with special abilities or talent. A general group of "fails" that were in the civilian population but who had at least some basic training as ninja and who could be called to active service when needed.

The current experiment was to take everyone who failed their team test and fold them into a Genin Pool. These would not be active ninja but something along the line of a reserve force much like Suna had done. Except these would get some additional training and honing of skills as specialists.

Need a cryptologist for a mission? Add a fourth member as a mission specialist - who had that additional training in that area. Infiltration mission needed someone who was an expert on metallurgy and weaponsmithing? Check the genin pool and find that individual, assign them temporarily to the team.

With the Sekirei that were expected to fail - additional abilities were something to index.

So the failures would go back to the Academy as usual, but would retain reserve genin status and eventually could have civilian jobs and lives until they were needed.

Team 5: Kiba Inuzuka, Hikari, Hibiki, and Kocho. Four person team. Hikari and Hibiki were counted as one for the most part as splitting them up halved their efficiency. Inoichi Yamanaka being their sensei meant their test would involve their psych evaluations.

Team 6: Ino Yamanaka, Uzume, Homura, and Namiji. Though led by a chunin of the Hyuga clan, it was likely that their testing would mainly be straightforward. It was entirely possible that one would fail and three move forward from what he'd overheard.

Team 7: Naruto, Sakura, Sasuke. Three man team and a candidate for the genin pool as mission specialist. IF the base team passed the test.

* * *

Naruto worked on it. He had an idea. If he could just get the fiddly bits to work.

He'd been successful in his "rescue girls no jutsu" and that had gotten him new friends! Sakura had gotten injured and he'd not been fast enough or strong enough to help her. Even if she'd been nicer since then, he couldn't help but feel as if he could have/should have been able to do more!

So he was working on a NEW fuuinjutsu. He was keeping the friendly-to-him parts but his new fuuinjutsu array would let him summon friends!

* * *

"What's that, Naruto?" asked Sakura as she noticed the blond going over an unfurled scroll.

"You remember the 'Rescue Girls No Jutsu' that let me summon the sekirei?" asked Naruto.

"Of course," said Sakura.

"Well, this is something similar," said Naruto. He pointed to a section. "This is a temporary condition - so whatever I summon will only be here as long as it wants before it can go home. Or if it is injured severely. Or three hours. Whichever comes first. This is the section of 'friendly to me' so I don't get something like those cows again."

"I heard about that," admitted Sakura.

"And this section deals with the 'terms of service' since I'm basically looking for help in a fight," said Naruto. "Once I've summoned one I can try getting their name and working it into a specific contract."

"Once you get a summons, isn't that supposed to be it?" asked Sakura. "I think I heard that our Hokage can summon Enma the Monkey King."

"Nah," said Naruto. "I was asking Matsu about it and she came up with this system where I use fingers and thumbs in combination for the jutsu. Though one of the sekirei that was around, I think it was Kaho, came up with an idea using metal rings and a summon-device. But this just uses the scroll for a random. I figured while we're waiting - might as well try and see what I get."

Sasuke listened but tried to project that these events were below him.

A set of concentric circles appeared with lines of runes between the circles. They spun briefly, stopped, and a single line spanning those circles glowed much brighter for a second before the construct vanished.

Sasuke stirred, his pretended indifference discarded, as he considered the creature.

The creature was entirely composed of red and orange flames, outfitted with pieces of spiked armor, and distinctly cat-shaped.

"Cinder Kitten," said Naruto, as he finished jotting down the symbols which had appeared. "So... do you agree to be summoned within the conditions stated?"

"Niaow!" agreed the kitten.

* * *

The door shuffed open.

"My first impression of you is -" Kakashi paused. Three students, check. That part was expected.

There was a huge shaggy rhino-like creature over there. On its head was a cat that appeared to be on fire. At its feet was a dog that could be seen through.

The rhino didn't dominate the room because equally crowding the area was a four-legged lizard-creature with horns on its face. On the lizard's facial shield/crest was a raven of some kind. At the lizard's forefeet rested an unusually large and quiescent skunk, a winged humanoid female in armor who was sitting on a blue and white crab which was also quite large, and a white fox with red markings.

Hovering near the ceiling on a small broom was another cat - this one wearing an odd peaked hat.

Kakashi considered and started again. "My first impression of you guys is that you are entirely more trouble than this job pays me to deal with."

"Okay guys, you're dismissed. Thanks for showing up!" said Naruto as he finished writing something down.

Kakashi couldn't help but lean a little back as the armored and slightly transparent winged girl approached him and looked closely into his face.

"Most ominous," whispered the girl in what could best be described as a haunting voice before she faded away.

Kakashi paused. There seemed to be a chill in the air still. "Ah. Roof. We'll get the introductions out of the way there."

* * *

_Descriptions from the Academy files match so far._ Kakashi waited for his genin-candidates to arrive, not having to wait long as Sakura arrived first - followed by Sasuke and finally Naruto. The last still stowing away notes into various pockets of a messenger bag.

"So. Introductions I suppose," drawled Kakashi as the three took seats. _Again - as expected in that Sasuke distances himself physically from his team physically and most likely psychologically. Not expected, based on the Academy file, Sakura is sitting close to Naruto. Also she is not paying attention to Sasuke, instead she's watching me and apparently trying to come to conclusions based on my appearance. Naruto is still checking his little bag there and making sure everything is stowed away in the right locations. Ah. Now they're all three watching me._

Sakura stood and saluted. "Permission to speak, sir."

_VERY unexpected. Almost sounds like a serious kunoichi._ "Mah mah. We're not on a mission or in wartime. No need for that level of formality."

"Very well, sir. I believe it would be helpful if you lead by example," said Sakura, still sounding very formal.

_Is she doing it that way because she is trying to make a good impression, or is it because she's lacking in social skills due to the amnesia? Hmmm. Well, if she gets sent back to the Academy she'll have the chance to work on those skills._ My name is Kakashi Hatake. Jonin. My hobbies are too adult to tell little kids like you. My dreams are - meh. And I have some likes and dislikes but they're way too much trouble to go into."

"So your name and rank is all you'll tell us?" asked Sakura. "Does this mean we're to acquire more information as part of a test?"

"No, it just means that I don't see the need to spend much time speaking of such things. You first, pinkie," said Kakashi.

Sakura took a deep breath, remaining in the same 'at ease' standing position she'd taken on being told she was too formal. "Sakura Haruno. My goal is to develop into a strong kunoichi. My hobbies are reading and training, though I've recently come to enjoy photography."

"I didn't know that," admitted Naruto.

"Recent development," said Sakura with a shrug. "Due to not remembering much of my past, I've been looking over a lot of photographs of late and started taking more."

"Well, I'm Naruto Uzumaki," said Naruto, bouncing up to his feet as soon as Sakura had sat down. "My dream is to become Hokage. My favorite jutsu so far is my 'Rescue Girls No Jutsu' because I think it's just plain awesome. I like ramen, I dislike the wait time for ramen to cook. My hobby is gardening and fuuinjutsu because you can do AWESOME things with fuuinjutsu."

Sasuke waited a few moments after Naruto had seated himself before speaking up. "Sasuke Uchiha. I have no dream. No goals beyond killing a certain someone and renewing my clan."

"Gloomy," muttered Naruto.

"You say something?" responded Sasuke.

"Just that you ought to have some POSITIVE goals," said Naruto. "Find an awesome jutsu that lets you do one or the other of those easier! Throw in something about how you plan to renew your clan. Something!"

Sasuke considered Naruto for a moment. "I need to get stronger to do both."

"There!" said Naruto happily. "See! Now there's a goal all three of us can go for! I got to be stronger to become Hokage! Sakura wants to be a strong kunoichi! You got to be stronger to do that stuff! See - we got a common goal! That's loads better, dattebayo!"

"Hmph," hmphed Sasuke, though there was the faintest hint of a smile there.

"I see Matsu and Kaho have been working with you," said Sakura, nodding in approval.

"Yeah," said Naruto, rubbing the back of his head and looking both pleased and faintly embarrassed.

Kakashi just went ahead with the prepared script about not eating and some training that would be required the next day. They'd fail, but who knows - this group might actually surprise him.

* * *

He was two hours late but didn't immediately appear before his would-be genin. The better to see how seriously they were taking the whole ninja lifestyle.

Sakura reacted immediately, or close enough. She startled and began looking around, then apparently realized she was being too obvious. It took her perhaps five seconds to determine where he was despite his being pretty well concealed. That WAS very promising in fact.

First Naruto and then Sasuke clued in that something was up. She might have said something, but Kakashi doubted that. Most likely they'd picked up that she was alert.

Sakura had a large scroll she had been studying. Naruto had a large book, possibly studying as well. Sasuke... had apparently been brooding.

He appeared in front of them, might as well as Sakura's sensor abilities made complete surprise much more difficult.

He gave them the usual speech about how he had two bells, they had to take them from him or get sent back to the Academy. Ah, the faces of despair and frustration. Sakura was the one to point out that there were three of them and two bells - therefore one of them was going to fail.

Kakashi enjoyed this, the suffering of the minions. Now he put in the bit about having to come after him with the intent to kill otherwise they had no chance.

"Couldn't we just almost kill you?" asked Naruto.

Kakashi was actually slightly disappointed. He'd expected Naruto to charge in for the attack. "If you want to fail, then fail. Oh, and... 'start'."

Naruto clapped his hands together, then brought two fingers from each hand down. "Sixteen. Summoning Jutsu!"

_POOF!_

"Aroooooooooooooooooo!" howled the beast.

Kakashi frowned under his mask as he looked it over. Wolf with blue and white markings. The shoulder of the beast stood about even with the crown of his head when he was standing. It was also slightly transparent.

"You chose 'Gara' for this?" asked Sakura. "I would have thought the kitten."

"Underbrush looked kinda dry," said Naruto. "Kaho was after me to pay attention to environment and such."

"Ah," said Sakura. "Hello, Gara. It is nice to see you again. The person before you tells us that in order for us to pass his test, we have to kill him."

"Maybe we can just  almost kill him?" suggested Naruto hopefully. "I really don't want to go into black ops. They might pair me up with the Black Sekirei and that's just plain disturbing."

The spirit-wolf huffed once, then snarled and charged.

* * *

_Kakashi:_

The wolf, apparently named 'Gara', was big and fast and had this odd habit of disappearing to normal vision.

Apparently it had to become fully visible during attacks, so that was an exploitable weakness. The wolf's senses were quite acute, to the point where his own stealth techniques were apparently useless.

He was an elite jonin and could avoid the creature's attacks especially when he used Substitution and Shadow Clone to confuse things. The wolf was apparently unused to such things, and unable to compensate at first.

During that period, he was able to appear directly behind the gawking Sasuke. "A ninja shouldn't let an opponent get behind them. One Thousand Years Of Death!"

Predictably, he then had to use Substitution again to avoid the wolf pouncing on him. He didn't expect Sakura to be at his destination but he was able to dive underground and avoid her taijutsu assault despite that.

On the other hand, Sasuke was weeping tears of pain with his abused buttocks pointed skyward - so that was a lesson he'd no doubt remember.

Once underground and having a moment to think about it, Kakashi realized that Sakura's sensor abilities had probably observed his technique while avoiding the wolf, had noted the buildup of chakra on the log and on him, and then charged to the attack.

While he was down here though. He moved to directly underneath Naruto and used the Headhunter technique to pull Naruto mostly underground.

Once up, he used the hesitation of the wolf to encase it in a series of Earth Walls.

At which point Sasuke was attempting to get in his face with taijutsu and a Fireball jutsu. Sakura came charging in apparently trying to assist.

One of the Earth Walls exploded as a wolf came out of its enclosure.

"Genjutsu. Hell Viewing Technique." Kakashi threw it at the wolf, which howled once and vanished in a puff of chakra smoke. Which aided him in that he could now concentrate on the two genin remaining.

"Hell Viewing Technique." This time he used it on the kunoichi. Honestly, he didn't expect much. Her being a chakra sensor meant that she should have been able to detect and cancel the technique. He hadn't really expected her to drop to her knees and clutch her head. It was just a lack of targets for that jutsu, Naruto having the Kyubi and Sasuke being a mess, that he'd chosen Sakura for that.

Sasuke went down wheezing when he failed to block a strike to his solar plexus.

"Well, it looks as if none of you three pass," said Kakashi, leaping back towards the posts. His gaze went over the three and his visible eye widened as he noticed a detail that shouldn't have happened.

Naruto had a hand free.

"Four. Summoning Jutsu!"

The ghostly woman appeared, tall and masked, ethereal wings stretching out to either side.

"Help Sakura," said Naruto.

The ghost, or whatever it was, looked to Sakura and then back to Naruto before nodding. It floated over to Sakura and then seemed to sort of flow into the crying kunoichi.

Sakura startled, glanced up, and then practically roared as she got up and charged.

He was ready for such and could easily avoid the attack. Unfortunately the ghostly woman leapt from Sakura to him when she was close enough.

Colors shifted and he grew cold. "Kai!" Nothing changed, so not a genjutsu. Whatever the "ghost" was - it was apparently not just a chakra construct.

" _Of course, I could actually be a 'ghost' as you understand the term._ " The intrusion into his thoughts was in a cool emotionless yet still feminine whisper.

Kakashi went underground again to buy himself some breathing room. "A ghost?" He subvocalized rather than use up a lot of air in his current position.

" _A Val'kyr - a spirit and judge of the dead._ "

"I see," said Kakashi, thinking of the possibilities this opened up for spying and information gathering.

" _So that is the goal._ "

Kakashi blinked, realizing that the Val'kyr had apparently accessed his memories even as the feeling of cold presence abruptly flicked out.

* * *

She'd seen him die and painfully so. All her senses had been fooled. Technically she knew that was one of the subtle aspects of genjutsu - that it used the target's mind to supply details. One swirl of leaves had been all the warning she'd gotten and then she was stuck in a scene without being able to get out.

She felt some shame and guilt in being taken down that easily - she was trying to be a serious kunoichi after all.

She felt she'd been blindsided though, not having realized that being alongside him while they practiced taijutsu, that she was getting emotionally closer to her new team-mate. Certainly not to this degree.

This was bad.

Since her near-death though, she supposed such things could be expected. With memories from before that event mostly gone (she'd never forgotten language and places were still familiar or not-familiar) it could be understood that she would cling to new relationships to fill the void. It was a perfectly human thing to do. Not too unlike her current fascination with photography.

"Uhm. Sakura? Not that I'm complaining but - we're still being tested." Not to mention that if she ever got her memories back, he'd probably die painfully if he hugged her back or something. He felt her stiffen and pull away.

"Right," said Sakura, forcing herself away from his warmth. "Okay. I-"

The Val'kyr Eerii passed through both of them, pausing and laughing at something before dismissing herself.

"I kinda figured it'd be something like that," said Naruto.

"Yeah," said Sakura. "Okay, well then we'll-"

_BRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnnnnng!_

"Fail?" asked Kakashi, suddenly next to them.

* * *

"Well, do we?"

"We should."

"I've got the markers!"

Sasuke (tied to a post) and Naruto both stared for a moment at Sakura.

"Oh, you meant feeding him," said Sakura, putting the multi-colored pens away.

"Well, we  do stand a better chance beating him if we're all ready and on the same page." Naruto shrugged as he fed Sasuke a portion of fish. "I can lead with shadow clones in a distraction assault, while the real me summons a suitable ally. What do you think, Sasuke?"

"Do you have something inobvious?" asked Sasuke.

"He's already seen Eeri - that's the ghost girl," said Naruto. "Gara can be hard to see - but he already knows about him too. What about the witch-cat?"

"Might work," said Sakura, feeding Sasuke a bit of rice. "What do I do?"

"Sasuke has the best aim, so if he cuts the cord on those bells - Spooky can levitate them out so the string's tight. Then you go wide, Spooky goes to you since Kakashi-sensei will expect him to come back to me. At which point you've got two bells and can give me and Sasuke one each. That way all three of us get the bells - he didn't say we had to KEEP the bells."

Sasuke finished chewing. "I think that was implied."

"Well, we'll figure something out if that's the case," said Naruto, unsealing a spare water bottle and holding it up for Sasuke.

_zip_

"It won't work if we don't have surprise though and - he's right behind me, isn't he?" Naruto hung his head slightly.

"YOU THREE! I ordered you not to feed him!" Kakashi loomed over them.

"Ah. Well. About that." Sakura considered explanations. The Val'kyr had run across the information that the test was about teamwork, but suddenly she was very unsure of that intel.

"Fine, you guys pass," said Kakashi.

* * *

"This complicates things a bit," said the Hokage.

"That it does," said Kakashi, looking over the list himself. He had to have a vague idea what his team was capable of. While Sasuke's skills were well understood and documented, the other two were less so.

The list was of the various individuals that Naruto could summon. He could summon one at a time and manage two within a few hours before he recovered enough to try again. Most summonings would only last until a specific task laid upon them during the summoning process was complete.

1\. **Cinderelle** \- cinder kitten - fire, pest control, guard.  
2\. **Chibiterasu** \- godling - guard, fuuinjutsu assist, tracking.  
3\. **Stripe** \- highland giant skunk - guard, assault, marking.  
4\. **Eeri** \- Val'kyr (death spirit) - infiltration, communication, interrogation.  
5\. **Spooky** \- feline familiar - telekinesis, levitation, stealth, scout.  
6\. **K'akraa** \- harpy princess - scout, communication, wind element.  
7\. **Spike** \- shardhorn - assault, shield, brute force application.  
8\. **Hugin** \- shadow raven - scout, guard.  
9\. **Bubbles** \- moonshell crab - water, assault, shield.

"What's 'shield' mean?" asked the Hokage.

"Apparently those are especially tough and able to weather powerful attacks," said Kakashi.

"Ah," said the Hokage. "Sixteen in all."

10\. **Hssaa** \- electrified razortooth - lightning element.  
11\. **Tam-tam** \- mystic mongoose - earth element, communication, construction.  
12\. **Windracer** \- gryphon - assault, transportation.  
13\. **T2750** \- clockwork owl - advice, communication, guard.  
14\. **Aya** \- naga - guard, water element.  
15\. **Dav** \- direhorn - assault, shield, transportation.  
16\. **Gara** \- spirit wolf - tracking, assault, guard.

"Seems to be somewhat diverse, or at least eclectic," said the Hokage.

* * *

Sasuke:

He was a loner. An avenger. Others would simply hold him back, anchors when he needed to rise to greatness.

Sasuke snorted. _Yeah. Right._

The menagerie that Naruto, whom he still mostly thought of as 'Dead Last', had summoned had been quite strange. Also capable of using various elemental releases. Having one which could jet blasts of fire, a lizard-thing with back-spines that arced with electricity, a snake-woman who could spray jets of water that put out accidental fires, and a ghost-wolf indicated that he might be of some use.

And what  were 'Sekirei' anyway? He dismissed them as mostly being useless kunoichi, but that Benitsubasa had hit harder than he'd ever been struck before. Apparently Naruto had something to do with their sudden appearance, but what?

Sakura was different. She was fighting better than she had previously and had a sensor ability? She also wasn't hanging all over him and being annoying - which was nice actually. Though now that she was trying to be a serious kunoichi, she was much more tolerable. What had caused her change?

Perhaps none of it mattered. He had his goal before him, and he was the only one who could reach that goal. If they were less of a burden, that was all that need concern him.

* * *

Sakura:

"KYAH!"

She had found these fingerless gloves that cinched tight worked fairly well to protect her knuckles enough that she could punch full out.

"HYOH!"

As a ninja, there would be times she would have to pass as a civilian. Having some callous would be acceptable for a woman who was not of noble birth. A farmgirl, a shop worker, any number of physical labor professions - completely smooth skin would be unlikely. Likewise, if her hands had extremely tough skin or scars around the knuckles - she would be marked as a ninja unless she was using a henge. Of course, if she was actively using a henge - some sensors would pick up on that. She certainly could.

"HYUU!"

"Enough," said the sensei. "You are not focussed. You need to clear your mind of whatever is troubling you and entirely concern yourself with the Now."

"Yes, sensei," said Sakura, bowing.

"Hmph, prepare yourself," said the sensei, flowing into stance again.

The sensei moved forward, not nearly his full speed but closer to hers. Open palm strikes tested her defenses before a circle kick neatly obliterated them.

"You will never be a taijutsu specialist," said her sensei as he ended the session with a gesture. "Your taijutsu can be improved, but compared to others? You are simply not physically oriented to that extent. I would suggest another two months in this style, then wait until you've more of your full growth. In the meantime learn a weapon."

"A weapon?" asked Sakura.

"I'd suggest a ranged weapon as primary with a close-range weapon for secondary. Learn the basics, eventually master them," said the sensei. "Not just kunai or shuriken. Maybe... maybe an axe."

"Axe?" asked Sakura, thinking that didn't sound very ninja-like as far as weapons.

"Axes can be thrown weapons or striking weapons," said the sensei. "Rarely both as there are different balances involved. Well, consider it. There's always senbon, you have good accuracy and seem studious. To properly use senbon you have to memorize details of anatomy."

* * *

Naruto:

Naruto ran. He was having a bit of a problem. He wanted attention, not the cold shunning he'd frequently gotten. Not the hostile stares and muttered words of hate he'd had most of his young life.

This was not why he was currently running.

"Naruto-samaaaaaaa!"

No, he was currently running for an entirely different reason. He knew if the girls currently chasing him CAUGHT him - then they'd start fighting. And he'd be in the middle of it. And it would be painful.

Some of the girls after him he could handle with no problem. They got along, mostly. Some girls didn't get along that well unless you considered explosions to be getting along.

"Summoning!" hastily went Naruto. "Dav!"

The horned lizard stood there a moment before realizing what was happening and starting to run.

* * *

**ALTERNATIVE TEAM #2: Iljrene**

There had been many Sekirei who had not particularly impressed Toltiir. As an example, there had been the original Sekirei #24 who had been named Marie whose Sekirei power had been water bending. Not the control of water and ice from an Airbender universe. No, #24 had been able to bend an existing stream of water an entire fourteen degrees at a time.

Yeah, she'd been taken down pretty quickly in the original timeline.

Sekirei #45, Tifa, had immediately gotten his attention due to the name. Unfortunately, Tifa had been nothing like her FF7 counterpart and her Sekirei power had been (dramatic pause) webbed toes. She hadn't even participated in the whole battle sequence, having slipped on a bar of soap and managed to self-terminate before even leaving MBI HQ. No, that would never do - especially when so many of them had originally been given names straight out of various videogames/movies/TV programs/anime and such simply because some of the technicians and scientists at MBI had been geeks.

So, yeah, he just maybe might have manipulated things a bit. A touch. A tiny little itty bitty almost insignificant amount.

So **Tifa #45** would grow up to look almost EXACTLY like Tifa Lockhart and have similar abilities. Not a big deal, right? And **Aerith #46** and **Yuffie #47** might have some vague resemblance to their otherworldly counterparts. #48 Kujika was one who'd lasted a bit longer in the mainline and so wasn't altered at all.

Other than that, the elder god wasn't inclined to play favorites. Though finding a special weapon or outfit or something that fit their counterpart wasn't beyond him. It was a dangerous world and they could easily die before things got to any particularly interesting part. So, while it might be amusing to have **#53 Cloud** end up on a team with them, or to end up with a running joke with **#21 Akatsuki** kneeing various perverted Sekirei in the face - he wasn't going to force those circumstances into happening.

As it was, it was mildly interesting to see the new Team 7. Sasuke was no longer Rookie Of The Year, but he'd end up with Kakashi due to the need for training in the Sharingan. Sakura was no longer a Sasuke fangirl, being actually somewhat disdainful of the boy. Naruto was no longer deadlast and pathetic, having worked on his skills and being known for his "Rescue Girls No Jutsu" among other things.

The final member of this four-genin squad was also odd, but there was much to be said for things going off-rail here. It might even have some long-term repercussions with the fourth genin being #97. Iljrene.

* * *

She had been somewhat mischievous, somewhat scandalous.

Most of the things one expected of a drow elf she gleefully violated. Sometimes deliberately.

Spider-motif in clothing? When it was available she'd prefer owls actually. Or eagles. Dour? She liked to laugh. Regarded drow elf as superior and destined to rule others? She had been known to bed humans who knew how to bathe and delighted when speaking to various races about topics they enjoyed. Cruel and heartless? She'd show you her collection of plushy animals and was quick to laugh. She was a master of the blade and had a few spells as a cleric of Eilistraee, but if she could turn an enemy into a friend without endangering anyone - she'd at least try something.

Someone who had enjoyed life and love and taken things with a sometimes childish delight that was merely an aspect of her being.

Who had died in a futile defense of a place called the Promenade, her life and light and laughter ended as she was eaten alive and dissolved to become part of a creature called an ooze which had been commanded to attack the Promenade by a god of decay and corruption.

Her soul was heading to torment, her goddess dead. There was a possibility of her soul going to Arvandor - the elven afterlife or to the Demonweb Pits where Lolth would torment her for eternity.

Except a possibility was presented, offer given, and deal made. It was a way to go after a better outcome, right?

* * *

"My name is Naruto Uzumaki! I like ramen, rescues, and fuuinjutsu! My goal is to be Hokage someday!"

"My name is Sakura Haruno. I like gathering information. My goal is to contribute to a team as a skilled kunoichi of Konohagakure."

"My name is Sasuke Uchiha. I have nothing I particularly like. I dislike many things. I do not have a goal, merely two tasks I must accomplish. Killing a certain man and renewing my clan."

The dark-skinned white-haired pointed-ear Sekirei took a deep breath. "My name is Iljrene Ahbruyn, number ninety-seven. My main skills are kenjutsu and some specialist ninjutsu. I like to dance and play guitar, comedy, and fluffy plushies. My goals are to protect Naruto and Konohagakure."

Kakashi blinked and looked at the girl who was wearing a black variation of what HE was wearing - including the mask. Who had two tanto at her belt. Also strapped to her person were four throwing daggers, two kunai holsters, and one of those belt buckles that concealed a punch-dagger. "You like 'fluffy plushies'?" Looked like several other knives concealed on her - and a set of lockpicks if he wasn't mistaken.

Iljrene looked down, looking thoroughly embarrassed.

"She got a slightly ripped teddy bear from Naruto a few months ago, apparently some shop owner had thrown it at him after he won it in a dart game," said Sakura. "Big one. She's been collecting them ever since."

"It is not forbidden for ninja to have hobbies," pointed out Iljrene.

"I suppose," said Kakashi, still trying to link the image of a little girl hugging an oversized teddy bear with the girl who was wearing more cutlery than was in his kitchen drawers.

"So what's the deal, Kakashi-sensei? We go get awesome missions, right?" asked Naruto.

"Well, about that..." began Kakashi.

* * *

Tanto. A knife 24.8cm (9.7 inches) in blade length. Folded metal. A really good set would have been impossible for her to afford. So these were "off the rack" ones. Maybe she could get better quality later.

Iljrene looked over Sakura's weapon. "Interesting choice."

Sakura hefted her weapon. "It seems appropriate somehow."

"Tonfa? Maybe so," said Iljrene, beginning a set of stretches. "Spar later?"

"I could use some practice," admitted Sakura.

* * *

Kakashi knew a little about the sekirei. Every jonin who had one on a potential team had some papers that were supposed to be read and then burned that spelled out basics.

There was more information to be had though on specific ones, you just had to have a need-to-know and the number of the Sekirei in question.

[#97. Iljrene Ahbruyn. The Dark Elf Sekirei. Testing of]  
[skills revealed talent for stealth, sword, and some ]  
[Earth Release ninjutsu. Nightvision exceptional, some]  
[difficulty with bright lights and loud noises. Noted]  
[exceptional hand-eye coordination, speed, and reflexes.]  
[Major problems with this sekirei are her difficulties]  
[with sensory overload and distinctive appearance.]

Well, that certainly gave him a few ideas regarding how to deal with her during the Bell Test. Kakashi scratched his chin as he went over the numeric scores from the initial evaluation that all the sekirei had undergone during their initial acceptance into the village.

[Ninjutsu: 2, Taijutsu: 1.5, Genjutsu: 1, Intelligence: ]  
[2.5, Strength: 1.5, Speed: 3.5, Stamina: 1.5, Hand Seals:]  
[3.5.]

Looking at the same evaluation for Sasuke Uchiha, as the "Rookie of the Year" - Kakashi noted she was faster than him and not lagging far behind in the other categories.

So, no little surprises she'd be hitting him with in the morning. There WERE sekirei he'd met who would actually cause him some challenge. Miya and Karasuba being examples where Kakashi thought he might have to use his Sharingan to get an advantage.

* * *

Waiting in the morning under the shade of a tree and adjusting her sunglasses, Iljrene glanced at Sakura. "So. Who's on your list?"

"First - I'm not a sekirei," said Sakura. "Second. We're twelve."

"Ino isn't a sekirei, and SHE made a list because all the sekirei were," pointed out Iljrene. "Her top three were all Sasuke Uchiha but she DID make a list."

"Third," began Sakura, who then paused and considered asking who else was on Ino's list.

"It is a normal ninja activity to plan battles ahead of time," said Iljrene. "It became kind of a bonding activity. I even got a look at Hinata's list."

"Hinata has a list?" asked Sakura. "Let me guess - the first three are Naruto?"

"Yes. I take it the boys are nowhere nearby?" asked Iljrene.

Sakura closed her eyes and concentrated for a moment. "Naruto is coming but we have a few minutes. Sasuke is about a minute ahead of Naruto - so give him three minutes to get here. Kakashi-sensei is one-half kilometer that way."

Iljrene pulled out a piece of paper. "Subject to change of course."

Sakura's curiosity got the better of her and she decided to take a look. Naruto, Shikamaru, Hinata, Sakura, Sasuke. Wait. "ME?!"

Iljrene shrugged slightly. "Like I said. 'Subject to change' - as you said we ARE twelve."

Sakura quickly checked under the 'why' column. Intelligence, easily embarassed, and compassion? "I really don't think I go that way. At least I'm pretty sure. I think."

"Twelve," said Iljrene. "I think it best to keep options open for now."

"I'm not sure I'm THAT open," said Sakura.

"I'm pretty sure the boys are going to settle into some sort of rivalry, so we could do the same," said Iljrene. "That makes a sort of balance doesn't it?"

"Oh. That might work," said Sakura, pausing as a new presence lingered for a moment in their presence. "ANBU."

Iljrene shrugged slightly again. "You want to spar while we wait for Kakashi-sensei? I have a pair of shinnai."

Sakura smiled and nodded, glad to be on familiar ground. "Sure!"

* * *

The sekirei were of no consequence. He needed to get stronger and others would simply drag him down.

Despite that, he could appreciate that some of them had strength if in very limited areas.

On reaching the meeting place, he was actually somewhat pleased to see the two girls engaged in combat with shinnai. The stronger they were - the less they would hold him back.

Sakura was an enigma. Since that test in the forest she'd been less clingy, much less shrill, and had not once had that insipid lovesick expression so many of the human girls in the village turned his way.

He found a spot to brood in, out of the way of the two combatants, and settled down.

* * *

Things were better.

He was proud of his "Rescue Girls (and some guys) No Jutsu" because quite frankly it was awesome! Yeah, sure, some people complained about it. Burden of extra population, costs of evaluations, blah blah blah.

It didn't change that some of the cold and hostile glares and turning away from him were now fewer. Some people saw him coming and actually nodded. It wasn't like they smiled or gave him a "Hello Naruto, lovely weather today in'nt?" Still, it was LOADS better than it had been.

With that kind of encouragement, and finding out that Uzumaki was a name associated with it, he was putting a LOT of focus on what he could do with fuuinjutsu. Which was actually quite a lot. Most ninja never went into it that deeply - it wasn't flashy jutsu that you could unleash to terrify your enemies. You had to prepare this stuff in advance, and you had to use up supplies, and it took a fair amount of time to make it. One mistake in the whole process and it'd fizzle out when you actually needed it.

One of the approaches he'd worked out was the whole "one piece you could swap out with another piece and then shift this piece around" idea. The scroll that had mentioned it had actually meant copying the same section (like a specific trigger) to another scroll. Naruto had misunderstood it and had created different scrolls to link together.

A fuuinjutsu expert with one of those masks had said it was impossible, then had said it was preposterous, and then had gotten very quiet for a time before rattling off all the possibilities she could see with this approach.

Apparently linking two scrolls  was done, but putting in these "filter" things on one scroll and triggers on another and conditions over here and a prayer that it'd all work and the other stuff on this one was new. So was the whole "leaving a blank space on each scroll" so that the combinations all worked together where you wanted them to. You just laid the matching parts together. And he'd started out doing it that way simply because he could only afford small scrolls to experiment with. It hadn't been planned that way to start.

The masked fuuinjutsu gal had said something about "necessity being the big brother of invention" or something like that.

Whatever. Then she'd patted him on the head and told him that she was going to be watching his career very closely and expected great things of him in the future.

Not that he would let little things like that get to him. Heavens no, not Naruto Uzumaki - believe it!

So Uzume had gotten together with some of the other sekirei and they'd altered a little pouch so that it had these sorting compartments. He had blast tags here, barrier tags next, spots for healing tags when he could make those ("bandaid no jutsu!"), and so on.

He was also bringing his fuuinjutsu kit for MAKING new seals. Just in case. It might be a cool mission! And he could make all sorts of combat quips about writing off his enemies and such.

When he got to the designated area, Sasuke was off brooding. No surprise there.

Iljrene and Sakura were fighting with those bamboo-slat swords though. Had they gotten into an argument or something?

* * *

When Kakashi arrived, it was to see that Sakura and Iljrene were going through sword manuevers and stances. Naruto had his fuuinjutsu kit out and was enscribing something complicated in ink, but he was putting it on a forearm bracer. One of Iljrene's in fact.

Sasuke was sitting over there looking constipated. Probably didn't get enough fiber. Oh well, he could always give a lecture on proper diet if they passed.

"I see someone didn't listen about not eating," said Kakashi as he appeared out of the shadows. He gave a particular look to the little bag of trailmix set off to the side.

"You worded it as a suggestion, and it would be proper to have some nutrition before the rigors of the day," said Iljrene, giving him an odd salute (fist against chest) before she spoke.

"You're late," stated Sakura.

"Well, there was this old woman who was wandering around lost," began Kakashi. "I simply HAD to come to her aid."

"Is there an underneath to that underneath or it just underneath me?" drily said Iljrene.

Kakashi knew this script. He set the clock, dangled the bells in front of them, went over how two of them would fail and get sent back to the Academy, and noted the looks they were giving him.

"That doesn't make any sense," complained Iljrene. "Konoha stresses teamwork, and we were told that the three-man team that was Standard Operating Procedure would be replaced by four-man cells this year."

"My team, my rules," countered Kakashi.

"Naruto and I will stay back in the Academy then," said Sakura, ignoring Naruto's wordless protest. "Iljrene and Sasuke have the most need to pass this year."

"I disagree most strongly," said Iljrene, pulling down her mask so that she could frown visibly. "Sakura and Naruto should be the ones to move forward."

"Excuse me? I think not," protested Sasuke.

"Maybe Sasuke and Naruto then?" suggested Sakura.

"It doesn't matter," said Kakashi. "You need to come after the bells anyway, and you're going to have to come after me with the intent to kill-"

_voosh!_

Iljrene blinked for a moment, startled as her blades had just impaled themselves on a log. The very next moment she was being held face-down in the dirt.

"I didn't say 'start'," pointed out Kakashi as he held the girl down despite her struggles.

"MPHHH!" indicated Iljrene.

Noticing that one of her boots was now sporting a metal edge, Kakashi shifted his weight further down to avoid getting kicked. "I didn't quite catch-"

A piece of paper slapped onto his forehead and clung there.

_FZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAK!_

"He really likes that replacement technique," noted Sakura as lightning sparked along the log wearing a Konoha headband.

Iljrene finished coughing as she'd moved as soon as Kakashi wasn't holding her down. "Ninja test. Figured not waiting for you to signal was part of it. When fighting a superior opponent, striking before they're ready would seem a viable strategy."

"Right," said Kakashi, now leaning against a tree and a few meters away from the genin. Iljrene had attacked, catching the others by surprise. Naruto had pulled and activated a tag almost immediately, and Sakura had begun charging forward with some kind of club in her hands. Both apparently ready to immediately support their team-mate once they'd realized she WAS attacking. Very promising.

On the other hand, Sasuke was just looking startled and from one of his little crew to the next. Now he was scowling. Huh.

"You know, despite myself, I think I'm beginning to like you guys," said Kakashi. "Anyway. Start."

He left a shadow clone in plain sight, and watched from concealment. Three went into a huddle, trying to keep an eye on him. Sakura beckoned to Sasuke. Sasuke ignored them to go off and hide in the bushes.

_Mental note. Iljrene's speed is closer to a 4. Also Naruto has Raiton Tags. That also was not in the file I read. Maybe I should have looked at all four of their files? Nah. Ah, Sakura has figured out that I'm here but she's apparently unclear as to whether this is the real me or is that the real me. Iljrene talked to Naruto, who has done a pair of shadow clones and has them running off. I'll just watch and... he went behind a tree and a scruffy little puppy comes running out? Rather more clever than one gives him credit for._

_Well, time to pick off the stragglers._

"Your back is open. 1000 Years Of Death!"

Sasuke screamed. Whether it was in rage or pain or shock was not at all clear.

"A shinobi must be aware of his environment at all times," said the shadow clone Kakashi as Sasuke crashed down on the ground with his sore buttocks pointed straight up.

* * *

Naruto blinked. "Anyone have a camera? Anyone?"

"Are you into that sort of thing, Naruto-kun?" asked Iljrene, thinking that would raise all sorts of possibilities in the future.

"No," said Sakura. "I'm pretty sure it's just that his 'rival' just got his butt reamed and is currently lying there in pain that he wants to record this moment."

"Yeah, what else would it be?" absently asked Naruto.

"Ah," said Iljrene. "Well, when in doubt - stall."

* * *

**ALTERNATIVE #3: Nanoha.**

* * *

"Team Seven. Naruto Uzumaki, Sakura Haruno, Sasuke Uchiha, Number Ninety-Nine - Nanoha."

"YAY! This is gonna be fun!"

The class looked towards the brunette with the twin-tail hairstyle and wondered how this would turn out. Probably violently.

* * *

The original #99 hadn't been impressive. Nor provided any opportunity for funny.

"I am #99, Nanoha! I hope we can all be great friends and excellent shinobi!"

Of course, adding a copy of Nanoha Takamichi as a sekirei in this setting required adding a Fate and a Hayate as well didn't it? As well as a Vita, Signum, Shamal, and so on. In fact, the Wolkenritter could be added as experiments of Orochimaru using Sekirei tissue samples.

Toltiir pondered that last, whether to do that or simply make them other Sekirei, before deciding and just going ahead with one of the choices.

The meeting with Kakashi Hatake went on per normal. Except that the Hokage and everyone else involved knew darn well that Nanoha #99 had chakra reserves that rivaled any jinchuriki. Not that she could completely access them, or knew techniques that could tap that potential.

"But, I thought we had already passed a test to be genin?"

Yeah, it looked mostly like every other meeting with Kakashi Hatake. Oh. This was different.

* * *

"No!" declared Nanoha as she planted herself squarely in Sasuke Uchiha's path.

Sasuke glared at the little girl. She was a full two inches shorter than him, so he felt the term was quite applicable.

"You are NOT going off to brood or sulk. We have to figure this out." Nanoha glared back.

"She's right," said Sakura. "There's something fishy about all this."

"Fish?" asked Naruto.

"It's an expression," said Sakura. "No actual fish were involved."

Sasuke turned his glare towards Sakura. Who also glared back. Which was very unusual in his experience as girls he glared at tended to shrink back. "Explain."

"How about we meet in about an hour?" asked Sakura. "I can research our sensei. That bit about the training tomorrow didn't sound right."

"Ichiraku's?" asked Naruto hopefully.

"Might as well be there," said Sakura. She thought for a moment. "Make it two hours. Find out everything you can about Kakashi Hatake, jonin. What kind of training he was talking about. Have a good meal tonight. Also bring ration bars. If he was accurate about the training making us throw up - having water and some food afterwards would be helpful."

* * *

"Got nothing," said Sasuke.

"A salad, Sasuke?" asked Sakura.

"I like cherry tomatoes," said Sasuke as if daring her to find fault with that.

"I checked with Fate-chan and Hayate-chan," said Nanoha.

"You three have always been very close," noted Sakura. "Anything?"

"Fate-chan and Hayate-chan both have tests tomorrow. Apparently a lot of teams are expected to fail and get sent back to school," said Nanoha. "But it doesn't make a lot of sense because we never saw older classes at the Academy."

"Might be some other location or it could be an advanced coursework." Sakura pondered that for a moment.

"I tracked down Matsu," said Naruto, handing a neatly filled-out sheet of paper to Sakura.

"Ah!" said Sakura, taking it and eagerly going over it. "Great. She confirms several things I found out. Tomorrow's training is actually a test. He tests for teamwork. He's also very fond of the phrase 'a ninja needs to look underneath the underneath' - meaning he really likes to put hidden meanings in everything. You saw him today. That slacker scarecrow attitude of his - deliberate misdirection. He's considered high jonin in his skill levels and is a top-rated assassin. Indication he might have been highly ranked within ANBU."

"Hmph," indicated Sasuke.

"He also may have worked closely with your brother, Sasuke," finished Sakura.

"That Man is no longer my brother," growled Sasuke.

"I'm just pointing out that he likely knows more about 'That Man' and his skills than even you do, as he worked professionally with him," said Sakura, feeling the dark roiling of Sasuke's chakra and making a face at the twinge of nausea that gave her.

Sasuke considered that visibly before giving a slight nod. Point taken, and now that he considered it - that DID make this sensei a good choice for him.

"So - hidden meanings, test not training, and teamwork is involved," said Nanoha. "Teuchi-san? Do you know anything about Kakashi Hatake?"

"He eats here every so often," admitted Teuchi, having been listening and remembering other ninja doing the same sort of planning sessions. "Never seen him without his mask. Has a sort-of rivalry with Maito Gai. Said to have a thousand jutsu but I've only seen three - including one that lets him eat without removing his mask."

"I wonder if we can get his mask and then hold that hostage to pass the test," mused Nanoha.

"Not sure if it's a real mask or if it's a genjutsu he maintains that makes people think he's wearing a mask," said Teuchi. "He also used to be with a team - he's the only survivor."

"Is his old sensei still around? We could maybe get more information from him," asked Sakura.

"No. He died too, much later," said Teuchi. "Though I think maybe it's all classified at some level."

"Classified? Why would it be classified?" asked Sakura.

"I'm not a ninja," pointed out Teuchi. "From what I've heard it isn't uncommon for something commonly known to be declared top secret, the reason for that being another classified secret, and that both are secret to be considered a third classified detail."

Sakura considered that. Yeah. That DID sound about right. "So you can't tell me because you think the secret about the secret is also secret because of another secret hiding a secret."

"Okay, I'm confused," admitted Naruto.

"I think that's maybe the point," said Teuchi. "After awhile anyone with any sense is just going to give up after finding so many layers and nothing at the center."

"Okay, time to come up with a plan with the details that are NOT secret," said Nanoha, thinking all this was likely to give her a headache if she thought about it.

* * *

"-and so you have to come after me with the intent to kill," said Kakashi.

"So - this is a simulated mission with a risk of losing half the team right away," said Sakura, ticking points off on her fingers. "At least a B-Rank due to the presence of enemy nin."

"If that helps you, go with it," allowed Kakashi. "You can start - now."

Sakura nodded and walked straight up to Kakashi. "Kakashi-sensei, can I have a bell please?"

Kakashi blinked, seemed to consider for a moment, and then gave the expected answer. "No."

"May I buy one of those bells then?" asked Sakura. "Or is there a task I can complete to earn one?"

"Again, no," said Kakashi. "Did you really expect it to be that easy?"

"Not all missions can be accomplished by the direct application of violence," stated Sakura.

"Well, congratulations I suppose," said Kakashi. "Because nobody has ever tried a diplomatic solution to this scenario before. At least not that I know of."

"I see," said Sakura.

"Sasuke is the only one to hide and try to prepare an ambush," noted Kakashi. "That's the more typical response."

"You've never passed a genin team," stated Sakura. "Typical responses would seem contraindicated."

"What?" asked Naruto.

"She means they don't work," said Kakashi.

"Oh," said Naruto. "So we got to get creative then?"

"Naruto-san!" said Nanoha abruptly. "Do you want to be my Ashikabi? I think if I use a norito I can get the bells."

"We're too young for that and this is NOT a life or death situation," said Sakura.

"Oh yeah," said a slightly disappointed Nanoha.

"It wouldn't matter," said Kakashi.

"Okay, we go to 'Plan B'," said Sakura.

"You have a 'Plan B'?" asked Kakashi.

"We have a 'C' and 'D' too," said Naruto proudly.

* * *

Sasuke was hidden, biding his time, waiting for an opportunity to attack. This was perfectly normal. Every team that Kakashi had failed so far - this was the standard response.

Sakura had tried to bargain, to bluff, and then stopped altogether.

Naruto was clearly looking to Sakura for a clue as to what his act should be. Hmmm.

"Well, I guess you three are going to fail for sure," prodded Kakashi. "So much for your dreams of being Hokage. Not that a dead last Academy failure had a chance anyway."

Naruto scowled a bit, but otherwise didn't react. Which was not at all how Kakashi had expected him to react.

Nanoha was looking uncertain.

"Naruto," said Sakura, breaking her silence. "Did you bring your pranking supplies?"

"Yeah," answered Naruto.

"We'll go with B initially then," said Sakura. "Manuever Gamma."

"Okay," said Naruto, reaching into a belt pouch and pulling out two little cardstock tags.

Nanoha and Sakura took the tags, touched the centers with the hand not holding the cards, then grasped and pulled weapons out of the cards.

"Been working with your fuuinjutsu a bit?" asked Kakashi.

"Lots of sekirei use weapons," pointed out Nanoha. "Though I'm not a weapon-type technically."

"And I'm neither a sekirei or a weapon-type," said Sakura. "However - any edge you can get in a fight."

"Ah," said Kakashi, "well - in that case."

The three genin in front of him tensed as he went for his own belt pouch. Nanoha's odd staff in a guard position, while the mini-tetsubo Sakura held was more of a "ready to attack" position. He paused dramatically, then pulled out and opened his book.

The looks of consternation on their faces as he sat down and began to read were priceless.

"Uhm, you disrespect us to the extent that you're reading Icha Icha Tactics in front of us?" asked Nanoha.

"Yes, and..." Kakashi paused. "You're familiar with it? This isn't for sale to anyone your age."

"I'm not sure who swiped them from whom, but those books have been passed around the various sekirei for months now," said Sakura. "I thought some of the humor was good. Particularly in the scene with Haru's brother while Naoko and Kaori were hiding in the closet."

Kakashi blinked, remembering that scene. "Huh. Despite myself, I'm actually beginning to like you guys. Not that this helps you at all."

"Well, how about," Nanoha began, raising her staff. "Storm Release: Laser Shot!"

A log with a hole burned through it toppled from the spot Kakashi had just been.

"Found him!" declared Sakura, pointing. "Ten O'Clock. Right behind Sasuke!"

Sasuke would forever deny yelping. He DID however leap out of the bushes and throw several shuriken behind him in mid-leap.

"I can see fooling your sensory ability will be difficult," said Kakashi as he flitted from position to position. Looked like she had to concentrate and it took her about three seconds to pinpoint his location.

"Multiple Shadow Clones!" tried Naruto, creating twenty copies. "Attack!"

"Naruto, spread them out more. He's moving too fast, I can't keep up," said Sakura. "Nanoha, sniper mode. As soon as Naruto slows him down a second - I'll point and you shoot."

"Got it," said Nanoha.

"Wait," said Sakura, looking around, then down. "Crap he's below-"

_Zoop!_

"Sakura-chan!" exclaimed Naruto as Sakura was sucked abruptly underground.

"Sakura-cha-"

_Zoop!_

"Crap," said Naruto, leaping to the side and then climbing up into a tree instead of staring at where his other team-mate had just vanished. "Should I use THAT? But Sakura said I should always hold back something."

"Well, now you've got two friends buried alive," said Kakashi's voice. "What are you going to do now?"

Naruto was silent for a moment. "Surrender."

"What?" asked Kakashi, honestly not expecting that.

"I can't be sure of saving both of them, so I'll surrender and all three of us will go back to the Academy. This isn't worth their lives." Naruto leapt back down and walked out into the open.

Kakashi was more impressed with Naruto at that moment than he could express, mainly because of the ongoing test. Still. "I don't have to accept. Your back is open. 1000 Years Of Death!"

"Gkkk!" went Naruto as fingers shoved into his buttock.

At which point Naruto exploded.

Kakashi was a little disappointed, but also somewhat pleased as his own shadow clone was dispelled by the force of the explosion. "Explosive shadow clone?"

The ground exploded. A VERY dirty Sakura crawled out, then spat dirt to the side.

Pink light began slicing through the ground. An also VERY dirty Nanoha crawled out of the ground.

"Okay," said Sakura, spitting dirt again. "Time to up our game. Bucket of chicken?"

"Konoha Fried Chicken, Extra Crispy!" said Naruto, holding up a small scroll.

"You weren't supposed to bring lunch," said Kakashi, reappearing.

"Superglue? Fishing net? Crushed nuts?" asked Sakura.

"Yeah, yeah, and the big can!" said Naruto, taking out a scroll and getting ready to unseal it.

"What?" asked Kakashi, trying to figure out what all that could mean.

"Water balloon?" asked Sakura.

"Yup!" said Naruto, unsealing two and throwing one.

Kakashi caught it, threw it into the bushes. "That was pathetic."

The shadow clone of Naruto hidden over there caught the balloon and threw it back.

Kakashi threw a kunai through it while it was still a distance away.

Which meant he missed Nanoha throwing a much smaller water balloon.

"What?" asked Kakashi, sprayed with the contents. "What was that supposed to do?"

"Concentrated heat-activated squirrel pheromones from a hunting store," said Naruto.

"SQUEEEEE!" seemed to scream the forest.

The three sat down.

"Pass the chicken please, Naruto."

"Here ya go, Sakura-chan."

"I don't think he was expecting thousands of lust-crazed squirrels."

"They never do, Nanoha-chan."

* * *

The Hokage paused for a moment, but never looked up. "Ah. Kakashi. Done testing your team?"

"The notes from the Academy? Whoever wrote them deserves 1000 Years Of Death. At the very least."

"Really?" asked the Hokage, looking up. He paused again, clearly at a loss for words. Finally he sat back in his chair and considered Kakashi for a moment. "The scorch marks?"

"I had to repeatedly use area-effect Fire Release techniques at zero range, then dive into the ground, which didn't help. I also discovered that my clothes had to be discarded. I was able to find a set nearby that was my size."

"It's very nice," said the Hokage. "That style of dress is very popular in some areas. The rips?"

"It turned out that the clothing was under a set of seals. One to disguise that it was women's clothing, another set were restraint seals. I was able to rip the restraints off though."

The Hokage nodded. "I take it that Naruto is continuing his work with fuuinjutsu. That's good."

"When I got back, each member of Team 7 had a bell," said Kakashi. "There were only two bells present at the beginning, and the other two were produced by using a similar transformation seal on small rocks."

"I see," said the Hokage.

"Did you know that Nanoha has Storm Release? She shoots laser beams," said Kakashi. Which had not been in her folder but he REALLY felt should have been. "Sakura has an oni club that has a fuuinjutsu on it that makes the whole thing as hard as iron. She can put small explosive tags on it so that things blow up where it hits."

"I could see uses for that," admitted the Hokage.

"Naruto uses shadow clones, explosive shadow clones, and something called 'tar baby' clones," said Kakashi.

"What do those do?" asked the Hokage.

"They stick. To everything. Deform with pressure, stretch, and then snap back. And then they explode."

"I note a tendency here," said the Hokage.

"Sasuke kept trying to throw fireballs," said Kakashi. "It's saying something that an Uchiha with a fire technique is the least damaging to their environment."

"Hmmm. So did you pass them?" asked the Hokage.

"Well, they did operate as a team, and they did get the bells, but honestly - would we have an Academy left if they went back to it?" Kakashi twitched. "Though I'm going to formally request another sensei be assigned after a few months. Because I think I'll need a vacation at that point."

"Could be worse," said the Hokage. "What if you sent them back to the Academy and they infected the classes already there?"

Kakashi couldn't suppress the shudder at that thought.

* * *

**Alternative #4: Canon shot**

"So Team 7," said the Hokage, spreading the sheets of the three choices out. "Naruto Uzumaki. You know who his parents are, and the burden he bears. You also have seen the results of his 'Rescue Girls No Jutsu' for yourself. His general skills have improved greatly in recent months and he also has learned the Mass Shadow Clone technique."

"Hmmm," hmmmed Kakashi.

"Sasuke Uchiha. You are the natural choice to watch him and help him when he activates his Sharingan," said the Hokage.

"I suppose," said Kakashi.

"Sakura Haruno. An amnesiac as of several months ago. Intelligent, good chakra control, and learning taijutsu to supplement her other skills. She is also a sensor with an innate healing factor. You'll have to keep an eye on her. She is the second person born human but has received a Sekirei 'tama' and is expected to become fully a Sekirei sometime after puberty."

"I have no idea what that actually means in that sort of case," admitted Kakashi.

"As there are only two individuals like that, I expect we'll all be finding out about the same time." Hiruzen Sarutobi sighed. "That leaves the fourth member."

"I thought it was going to be Hinata Hyuga," said Kakashi.

"Originally considered, but then a case was made for keeping the two recipients apart to study them seperately. So we'll be going with another Sekirei, but I thought I'd give you a chance for input." Hiruzen Sarutobi indicated a small stack of sheets. "The first is Akitsu. Ice Release. A bit of an introvert - she doesn't show much emotional range. Almost samurai in level of stoic there."

"Hmmm." Kakashi glanced at the photo and considered that.

"Kaho, #87. Naginata specialist. Fairly strong and fast, but has a natural talent for the naginata and other polearms. Decent taijutsu. Seems to regard Naruto as her Lord in a samurai sort of thing."

"Could cause difficulties in a team with Naruto," pointed out Kakashi.

"Narashino, #74. Earth-element according to early tests. Actually seems attracted to Shikamaru Nara if you're worried about that sort of thing. Good stamina and drive."

"Well, I'm not actually worried about it," said Kakashi. "They're twelve after all."

"Nanami, #78. Fuuinjutsu. Has an enormous fountain-pen shaped polearm she uses in battle. Currently she can make explosive notes and storage seals and is studying barriers. If you don't want her, I have a request from Genma Shiranui for his team."

"Genma has a team?" asked Kakashi. "Isn't he still a tokubetsu jonin?"

"Yes, if they pass his test, and yes - he prefers not to test for full jonin and since we aren't at war there's no reason to force that issue," said the Hokage.

"Didn't know he was into fuuinjutsu," noted Kakashi.

"He has some skills in it, though far from a full mastery," admitted the Hokage before moving that sheet to reveal the next candidate.

"'Benitsubasa, #105,'" read Kakashi. "'High strength, speed, and accuracy. Taijutsu specialist. Shows anger management issues countered slightly by a desire to not cause problems for Naruto. Noted conflict with Sasuke Uchiha, possibly due to the perceived rivalry between Uchiha and Uzumaki.' Well, that sounds like a conflict ready to happen."

"Homura, #6," said the Hokage at the next candidate's sheet being revealed. "Fire Release. Strong but a bit lacking in control. He can not only release fire without the use of hand-seals, he can quench fires. He believes, and Miya concurs, that once winged his control will grow quite a bit."

"He's not after Naruto for this 'winging' process is he?" asked Kakashi.

"No, last paragraph," said the Hokage. "He's stated an interest in Ino Yamanaka if she manages to build her skillbase."

"Ah, teenage drama, I never did any of that and don't understand it at all," admitted Kakashi. He went to the next sheet. "She wears a mask?"

"Uzume," said the Hokage. "#10. Controls cloth. Some promise there as well. She listed several people she'd prefer to be on a team with - Naruto was the only male on the list."

"She's..." Kakashi pictured some very different things happening in another four to five years.

"Most likely," admitted the Hokage. "Also into cosplay and wants to design outfits for infiltration missions. Saki, #55 is next. Stealth and observation, kenjutsu talent. If you don't choose her - will probably end up working with Yugao."

"In ANBU? Fresh out of the Academy?" asked Kakashi.

"No. Yugao has three to test and will probably trade off duties with another in order to train them if they pass," said the Hokage. He shrugged slightly. "Unusual way of dealing with unusual circumstances."

"True enough," said Kakashi.

"And the last choice available for you," said the Hokage, some trace of amusement at this last one. "Tsukiumi, #9. Water Release. Very strong, and will get stronger once she is winged to the one she chooses as her Ashikabi. A bit of a tsundere from what I hear."

"Oh, like THAT isn't a problem waiting to happen." Kakashi scanned ahead and raised an eyebrow as he went over the jutsu she already had managed to acquire. "Water Bullet and Water Clone and she's just graduated?"

"Innate ability with 'Water Bullet' - no handsigns other than directing the bullets," said the Hokage. "Very promising."

"I see," said Kakashi before going over the sheets again, then deciding on one to add for the test. Most likely they'd fail anyway after all.

* * *

The Sekirei, with a few exceptions, were around the age of twelve.

Kakashi read the file on Kaho before deciding to try this one. Sakura Haruno was a sensor and training with taijutsu. Naruto Uzumaki was also training in taijutsu but also had the makings of a ninjutsu powerhouse if he ever got over his poor chakra control issues. Not to mention some developing fuuinjutsu talent. As for Sasuke - the only Uchiha that did NOT specialize in ninjutsu were a few genjutsu specialists.

Kaho was slightly stronger and a bit faster than you'd expect from most kunoichi of her age, but not remarkably so. What her main skills were involving weapons. Ranged weapons above average accuracy, but below that of the kunoichi on Gai's team. Melee weapons were much better. Specialization in naginata. Showed high marks in bojutsu, iaido and kenjutsu, yarijutsu, and archery. Taijutsu was good but unremarkable.

There was a note that she'd shown signs of instinctive use of Wind Release to coat her weapons. Earth Release to increase her strength and anchor herself. Entirely instinctive and automatic - which meant that she was NOT going to be the sort of kunoichi who favored subtle genjutsu and otherwise faded into the background.

According to some of the notes, she'd make a better samurai than a ninja. Kakashi had to raise an eyebrow at that. The rank and file samurai WAS fairly easy to avoid/fool/kill, but the same could be said of the similar group of ninja. The really talented ones, as with their ninja counterparts, were another story altogether.

Yeah. She should neatly fail the test. Even exemplary samurai tended to be very straightforward.

* * *

"So, Kaho. I haven't worked very much with you," noted Sakura as they waited for the sensei to show up. "Weapon-user?"

"Yes, Haruno-san. I am pleased to be working with you and Naruto-sama. Please take good care of me."

"Uhm, you can be a bit more familiar with me you know," said Naruto with some discomfort.

"Naruto's right," said Sakura. "You can drop the honorifics. At least refer to me as 'Sakura' not 'Haruno' - you know."

"That would not be entirely proper, but I shall try," said Kaho. "And yes. I am a weapon-user. Many thanks to you, Naruto-sama, for the fuuinjutsu tags."

Sasuke blinked and looked closer. She'd indicated her gloves?

"Yeah, I did 'em for a lot of the weapon-user-types," said Naruto. "Once I figured out how to do 'em. Had to have help with the sewing part and sealing them."

Sasuke peered a bit closer. A bit of transparent material sewn into the back of the gloves?

"Yeah," said Sakura, standing up and quite aware of Sasuke watching. Best to have this out in the open quickly. She tapped the back of one hand with two fingers of the other hand. At which point a massive two-handed maul appeared in her hand.

"It's not complete," said Naruto, sounding apologetic.

"As long as we're on the same team, you can finish it later," said Sakura, hefting it.

"'Finish'?" asked Sasuke before he caught himself and looked away.

"When it's done it'll have variable mass," said Sakura. "Start it moving when it only weighs twelve kilograms and let it hit with twelve hundred. That'll surprise a few people."

Kaho tapped one hand with two fingers of the other hand and summoned her naginata. She dismissed that, tapped a belt and drew a katana, dismissed the katana, tapped her other glove with two fingers and summoned her bo staff.

Sasuke blinked as she started reaching into her sleeves and drew out one weapon after another. Kama, kusarigama, kyoketsu shoge, tonfa, tekko, kamayari, tessen, fuma shuriken. He was familiar with summoning weapons from scrolls, of course, but this was quick and apparently precise.

"My pardons," said Kaho as she put the last one away. "I am not as proficient with all of my weapons as I am with the three favored weapons. Naginata, katana, and bo."

"Mainly naginata if I recall," said Sakura. When Kaho nodded, she continued. "Still, being adaptable is a hallmark of a ninja while sekirei tend to specialize. One of the sekirei who is a katana-specialist is always going to be better than you with a katana. So if you can switch to your naginata you can do better that way. It's just that if you have to fight in a narrow corridor you can switch to tekko or kama."

Sasuke forgot about brooding about being on a team with dead weight that would simply hold him back from obtaining his vengeance. The "Instant Arsenal" idea was intriguing as getting out a scroll and activating it required a few seconds more.

"Still requires a chakra spike," noted Sakura. "A sensor can pick up on that."

"Don't know how to get around that, all storage seals require chakra to activate," replied Naruto.

"What else have you got on hand?" asked Sakura.

"River, rock pile, kunai, spear, oversized shield, tent, four books on fuuinjutsu," said Naruto, pulling scrolls out briefly before putting them back in his bag. "Large miso ramen, rope, standard 10ft pole, shrimp ramen, shovel, wood saw, calligraphy kit, pork bone ramen, box of Nutter Butter cookies, box of dog treats, beef ramen, bonfire, can of 'Away" bug spray, can 'On' insect attractant, spicy pork ramen, twelve bottles of drinking water, and a box of cinnamon rolls I forgot to get to Hinata to thank her for the notes on shadow clone variants."

"Give that one to me, I'll be meeting her later," said Sakura.

"Thanks," said Naruto, tossing the scroll over.

"You have a bonfire sealed in a scroll?" asked Sasuke.

"Yeah, bit of an experiment," admitted Naruto.

"I thought you were trying to do one of each element," noted Sakura.

"Yeah. That's the plan," said Naruto.

There were a couple of minutes of no sound but the clock ticking.

"Okay," said Naruto. "Prank time."

"No, I can think of something better to work on," said Sakura. "Let's try..."

* * *

"You printed out posters for me as a missing person?" asked Kakashi Hatake. "And scheduled a bake sale with the proceeds to be used to get me a watch?"

"Well, yeah. Three hours late. Just saying." Naruto shrugged.

"My first impression of you guys is... not favorable," said Kakashi.

"Do we get points for describing you as 'potentially awesome sensei needed for potentially awesome team'?" asked Naruto.

"I'll consider adding potential points in a hypothetical future," replied Kakashi.

"So translated that's 'no', I think," translated Naruto.

"Anyway, upstairs, we'll do the team meeting thing on the roof," said Kakashi with a long-suffering air about him.

"Does this mean we cancel the bake sale?" asked Kaho.

* * *

"Well, I... what's this?" asked Kakashi.

"Muffins," said Kaho.

"I... well okay," said Kakashi, looking at it suspiciously as he half-expected it to explode or something.

"Oh, it's okay, I made them," said Kaho. "Not that there's anything wrong with yours, Sakura."

"I don't know what went wrong with the last try, but I SWEAR I shall get it right!" said Sakura. She even had little flames of determination appear around her.

"I don't think I want to know," commented Kakashi. "Okay, introductions. Names, likes, dislikes, plans for the future - that sort of thing."

* * *

Kakashi went over the responses after the meeting and kept an eye on the group.

Sasuke wanted vengeance on his brother and to renew his clan, but considering his background and psych profile - roughly fifty-fifty chance he was planning to die WITH his brother. He expected to see Sasuke stalk off on his own. Instead, Sasuke went to a training ground with the other three. Promising.

Naruto still wanted to be Hokage, but he'd also said he wanted to become a seal-master. This was a long hard road but potentially very valuable skillset.

Sakura. Prior to the accident, he would have guessed she'd have said something about Sasuke being her goal. Afterwards - she was much more likely to be found sparring or training her "secret" sensor ability.

Kaho's desire to defeat someone was unusual. Musubi? The dead last of the class? Odd. Her hobby was training and baking.

Baking.

What kind of hobby was that for a ninja?

Pakkun sniffed the air. "Is that blueberry?"

"Eh?" asked Kakashi. "What do you mean?"

"It's coming from that pocket? Are you eating healthy now?" asked Pakkun.

Kakashi reached into the pocket and regarded the muffin that Kaho had given him. "I'd forgotten about that. Wouldn't be surprised if it was poisoned with a laxative or something."

"Pity," said Pakkun, allowing that there might have been something to get past his nose. "It smells really good."

* * *

**AN:**

There were others i did, i just grabbed the ones that had gotten the most positive responses and stuck them here for anyone who was curious. 


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